Chapter Text
r/relationship_advice
u/SideKick2011
How to make my dad’s partner break up with an old goat 🐐 and start dating my dad?
Hi Reddit,
I (14), heard about this subreddit from my best friend, D (14). He said you guys give solid advice, so here I am, asking for your wisdom.
Let me set the scene:
My dad (34, we’ll call him Grumpy 😾) is an amazing guy. He’s tough, caring, and a little overprotective, but overall, he’s the best dad ever. The problem is, he’s dating this nice woman (31, we’ll call her Nun ⛪️). She’s cool, I guess, but she gives me big teacher vibes—you know, the type who’s always reminding you to put your chair back at the table. Anyway, D told me he overheard his mom talking about how Grumpy 😾 “feels like he has to act” around Nun ⛪️, and honestly? That checks out. My dad’s great at pretending, but I can tell he’s not really happy.
Now, onto my dad’s partner (32, we’ll call him Superhero 🦸♂️). This guy? He’s the real deal. Superhero 🦸♂️ has been around since I was 7, and let me tell you, he’s like the glue holding our family together. He’s saved us more times than I can count (literally). He introduced us to an amazing caretaker when my dad needed help with me (I have CP and need some extra supervision). He saved me and a bunch of other people during a tsunami while being hurt himself. He saved my dad when he got shot (don’t ask, long story). And one time, he even died (yeah, lightning strike), but he came back like nothing happened. A literal superhero.
Superhero 🦸♂️ also does all the little things: he cooks for us, basically lives on our couch, and is always there when we need him. Grumpy 😾 put him in his will as my guardian if something ever happens to him, which I’m 100% cool with because I know Superhero 🦸♂️ will never leave me. Like, my dad left for the army when I was born, came back when I was 2, and then my mom left us. She came back for a hot second when I was 7 but tried to leave again and… well, that’s when she died. (Another long story.) Superhero 🦸♂️ is the only person in my life who’s never left.
But here’s the problem: Superhero 🦸♂️ is dating an old goat 🐐 (45), and honestly, I used to like the guy (he’s a friend of grumpy 😾) He seemed cool at first, but then I noticed how he treats Superhero 🦸♂️—like, he doesn’t appreciate him or take him seriously. And that? Not okay with me.
Let’s go back to my story:
I never really thought about the possibility of Grumpy 😾 actually being with Superhero 🦸♂️. Like, I should have, but I didn’t. Probably because Superhero 🦸♂️ has always just been there. He’s like this constant in our lives, like oxygen—you don’t notice it’s there, you just assume it’ll always be. It’s hard to explain. Even when Superhero 🦸♂️ started dating the Old Goat 🐐, I didn’t think there could be anything between him and Grumpy 😾. I mean, they’re best friends, right? Or at least that’s what I thought.
But then, two weeks ago, something happened that opened my eyes.
So, I was playing with my friends when—don’t freak out—an accident happened, and I ended up in the hospital. I’m fine! Nothing serious. But while I was being treated, the hospital tried to call my dad, and guess what? They couldn’t reach him. So they called the second contact on file: Superhero 🦸♂️.
Fifteen minutes later, Superhero 🦸♂️ shows up, practically sprinting into the ER with the Old Goat 🐐 trailing behind him.
And here’s where it gets funny: I don’t really look like my dad. Like, at all. But apparently, I do look a lot like Superhero 🦸♂️. I hear this all the time when he picks me up from school. The nurses even made a comment once, like, “Oh, you two are definitely related!”
So, this nurse takes one look at him and assumes he’s my dad. She calls him by our last name, and you know what he does? Absolutely nothing. He doesn’t even correct her! He just nods, looks at me, and immediately starts asking a million questions about my condition. He rattled off all my medical info from memory—like, my history, my allergies, all of it. I knew Superhero 🦸♂️ cared about me, but I didn’t realise he’d memorised my entire medical chart.
The best part? The look on the Old Goat’s 🐐 face. He was not happy. You could see it all over his face, like, “Why does my boyfriend know this much about a kid he’s not related to?” It was hilarious.
And I may have been a little petty when I turned my round, “innocent” eyes toward Superhero 🦸♂️ and said, “Papi, will you take me home?”
(And I may have—or may not have—smirked at the Old Goat 🐐 while saying it. Let’s just say, he looked like he’d just swallowed a lemon.)
And you know what was the funniest part? When Grumpy 😾 finally arrived, all flustered and apologetic, the nurse turned to him, smiled politely, and called him by Superhero’s 🦸♂️ last name instead of ours. The way his face froze in shock and utter confusion? Absolutely priceless. He stood there for a solid second, blinking like he couldn’t quite process what he’d just heard.
But here’s the kicker: just like Superhero 🦸♂️, he didn’t correct her either! He glanced at me, then at Superhero, then back at me—like he was trying to solve the world’s most confusing puzzle. And then, as if it was no big deal, he just rolled with it. “Uh, yeah. I’m his dad,” he said, and immediately turned to check on me.
Meanwhile, the Old Goat 🐐 was standing off to the side, looking like someone had just fed him a plate of sour lemons. You could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. He kept glancing between Grumpy 😾 and Superhero 🦸♂️, like he was trying to figure out how this dynamic even worked. Honestly, the whole situation was chef’s kiss.
Anyway, that whole encounter made me realise something huge: Me, Grumpy 😾, and Superhero 🦸♂️ could actually be a family. Like, a real family.
After that, I started asking questions. I talked to D (because his mom works with both Grumpy 😾 and Superhero 🦸♂️), and that’s when I found out about how Grumpy 😾 feels about dating women. Apparently, to him, it’s like a chore. A chore. Meanwhile, spending time with Superhero 🦸♂️ is, well, the opposite of that. If spending time with Superhero 🦸♂️ feels natural and effortless, doesn’t that mean something?
But the real eye-opener came when I started paying attention to how they act around each other. And let me tell you, the signs are everywhere:
•They laugh together, like, a lot. Grumpy 😾 actually listens to Superhero’s 🦸♂️ stories (and okay, I do too because they’re awesome), but the Old Goat 🐐? He’s always interrupting or brushing him off.
•They touch. Not just quick hugs or friendly pats on the back—real touches. Like, they’ll hug and hold on for a few extra seconds, or they’ll casually brush against each other, like their shoulders or arms. Sometimes, they stand so close their hips are practically glued together.
•And the looks. Oh my god, the looks. They’ll just stare at each other, like they’re in some cheesy rom-com.
So yeah, I feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner, but now that I have? I’m more than sure this could actually happen.
So now that I’ve started paying more attention, I realised something huge: Grumpy 😾 and Superhero 🦸♂️ don’t act like “best friends.” They act like a married couple. They’re always together, they bicker like an old married couple, and they just… fit. I don’t think either of them realizes it, though, which is why I’m here.
How do I:
1.Make Superhero 🦸♂️ see that the old goat 🐐 isn’t right for him?
2.Get Grumpy 😾 to stop pretending with Nun ⛪️?
3.Convince these two idiots they’re perfect for each other?
I’m not saying I want to meddle (okay, I do), but it’s painfully obvious they’re meant to be. Help me out, Reddit!
P.S. Oh, and by the way, the reason I call her “Nun ⛪️” is because I heard she was studying to be a nun before she started dating my dad. So, yeah, the name fits.
⬆️7659 ⬇️ 💭 437
u/LoveIsLove101
Honestly, kid, it sounds like you’ve got this all figured out. Grumpy 😾 and Superhero 🦸♂️ clearly belong together. Just keep nudging them gently, and I bet they’ll realize it soon enough. You’re awesome for rooting for them!
u/SideKick2011
Thanks, I’m trying! Honestly, I think they just need a push. Maybe a little shove. Okay, maybe a catapult. But gently. Totally gentle.
u/PlotTwistIncoming:
This nurse is out here writing the fanfiction we all secretly want.
u/SideKick2011:
Honestly, someone give her a Wattpad account and let her do her thing. She’s got the vision!
u/ChaosAndCookies
‘Papi, will you take me home?’ Kid, you’re devious. I’m living for it. The Old Goat 🐐 is probably still tasting that lemon.
u/SideKick2011
Probably? He’s definitely still tasting it. It’s the look he gives every time Superhero 🦸♂️ and I high-five now. Priceless.
u/LifeIsntAFairytale
You’re just a child; you don’t understand how complicated relationships can be. Stop playing matchmaker and focus on school.
u/PlotTwistIncoming
Honestly, if you’re not holding a family meeting with a PowerPoint presentation on why they should date, are you even trying?
u/SideKick2011:
Funny you say that, because D and I might be working on a PowerPoint right now. It’s titled ‘Why Grumpy 😾 and Superhero 🦸♂️ Are Endgame.’ Stay tuned.
u/LemonFaceForever
The Old Goat 🐐 is probably still googling ‘how to remove a smirk from a 14-year-old’s face.’ Well played, SideKick2011. Well played.
u/OldGoatDefenseLeague:
Why are you so against the Old Goat? He seems fine, and maybe Superhero should focus on his relationship instead of playing house with you and your dad.
u/SideKick2011:
The Old Goat is fine if you like people who think basketball is more interesting than literally anything else in the world.
u/KeepItStraight
Why can’t you just let your dad date a nice woman? Why are you trying to mess that up?
u/SideKick2011
He is dating a nice woman. She’s great—just not for him. And Superhero 🦸♂️ is right there. It’s like choosing plain toast when there’s pancakes on the table.
u/ILoveDramaSoMuch:
The fact that BOTH of them just rolled with the wrong last name is actually adorable. Like, hello? They’re practically married at this point. Why fight it?
u/SideKick2011:
Exactly! Like, at this point, just order the joint wedding invitations already. Save us all some time.
u/DramaQueen95
Kid, you’re playing 4D chess while the adults are playing checkers. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or scared.
u/NotYourPlace123
Honestly, this isn’t your business. Let your dad and his partner figure things out themselves.
u/SideKick2011
I get what you’re saying, but here’s the thing: I live here. If they’re gonna keep acting like a married couple, someone’s gotta say it out loud. Why not me?
u/SassySidekick
Honestly, the way you roasted the Old Goat 🐐 with that ‘Papi’ comment is legendary. Iconic behavior.
u/SideKick2011
Legendary behavior requires a legendary sidekick. Someone’s gotta keep things interesting around here.
u/JealousMuch:
Maybe you’re just jealous of the old goat 🐐 because he gets more attention from 🦸♂️ than you do. Ever think about that?
u/RespectTradition
Your dad is dating a woman for a reason. Stop trying to change that.
u/SideKick2011
The reason is probably because no one told him he could date Superhero 🦸♂️. I’m fixing that. You’re welcome.
u/FamilyFeelsFanatic:
This story keeps getting better and better. The nurse clearly knew what was up before anyone else! Buck and Eddie? Total dads already.
u/SideKick2011:
Right?! Honestly, the nurse deserves an award for her service to humanity. Can we nominate her for an honorary ‘Cupid’s Arrow’ medal or something?
u/GoatsAreBetter
Sounds like you just don’t like the Old Goat 🐐 because he’s not your Superhero 🦸♂️. Maybe he’s a better fit than you think.
u/FanFicPro98
This is giving me major rom-com vibes. Next step: accidentally lock them in a room together and watch the magic happen.
u/SideKick2011
Oooh, I like the way you think. Do you know where I can find a giant net trap? Asking for a friend.
u/TooYoungToJudge
You’re 14. What do you even know about relationships? Stop trying to mess up people’s lives.
u/RealFamiliesOnly
Two dads? That’s not how a real family works. Let your dad date a woman and be happy.
u/SideKick2011
Real families are about love, not some outdated rulebook. And FYI, we’re already a family—Grumpy 😾, Superhero 🦸♂️, and me. We’re just upgrading to deluxe mode.
u/RealTalkNow
Your dad’s dating a woman. Get over it. Not everyone wants to live in your little fantasy world.
u/MasterOfChaos
You’ve got more emotional intelligence than most adults, but also the subtlety of a wrecking ball. I love it.
u/SideKick2011
Hey, if being a wrecking ball gets the job done, I’ll take it. Subtlety is overrated anyway.