Chapter Text
Mineta missed his purple hero suit. And his toenails. This sucked.
In all his years of schooling and hero training, even after he'd come out of a war, grim and reeling, he had never imagined himself in this kind of role. It was unprecedented, and Pro Hero Camouflage had caught him entirely by surprise with his offer.
Mineta wasn't stupid: he knew that post-war changes to the Hero system would majorly mess up his chances of getting into an agency worth their salt, and that wasn't even taking into account how the system changes would affect agencies and rankings overall, so he was prepared to live out the rest of his career in relative anonymity as long as it got him some action from adoring fans.
Unfortunately for him, it seemed that the world was against him and was going out of its way to cockblock him because Hero popularity had taken an immediate nosedive, with many people lobbying for an overhaul of the ranking system and some arguing that the Hero industry itself was toxic and needed to be done away with.
He understood their reasons, but frankly their reasons were stupid. If you used more than five braincells you'd realize that a limited, restrictive authority like the police could do jack against real villains since their jobs lay largely in the containment, interrogation and processing domain. When a ten-foot monster with metal spikes and an alligator tail started chomping on the bank building what were they gonna do? Ask him to please stand down? A quirked society needed heroes, or at least some authority that had the jurisdiction to act freely when incidents got out of hand.
All of this to say, the world hated Mineta and wanted him to die of blue balls. He was still ferreting away at paperwork at his old agency when he'd caught a glance at the pretty secretary who always greeted him in the mornings. She was walking with someone who he'd never seen before but who reminded him of Aizawa sensei in the way he carried himself (and no, this reminder did NOT make tears well up in his eyes, he was just allergic to dust)! But that was where the similarities ended, because the man had broad shoulders, supermodel hair and an unfair complexion.
He was also wearing camouflage pants with a beige shirt. Sometimes Mineta wondered if God purposefully gave pretty people terrible fashion sense to balance the scales. Either way, more for him. However, unlike most pretty people, this man was not smiling. He looked uncharacteristically serious for his age and it was only this that compelled Mineta to follow the two silently out the hallway and into a small conference room.
He'd found that people were less likely to look down or up than they were to look to the side, and he exploited this shamelessly. Even Pro Heroes let down their guards inside heavily fortified agencies, so it was often pretty easy to slip into meetings or skip out on work as long as someone didn't come looking for him.
He maneuvered himself into the corner of the table where the chairs overlapped it and wondered what juicy gossip he'd hear this time. The ladies down at Bento Bake often tolerated him if he had stories to share, rounding him up and prodding until he either relented or left the establishment.
"What do you mean in the red? Rei you can't be serious! It's an agency! How is it possible to run out of people?"
"That's what I'm saying, Ichinose-san! I understand that everyone is understaffed as it is what with everything, but there have been graduates that came through to you guys, didn't they? Class 3-A graduated this year, you're telling me none have been recruited here?"
Silence on the other end. Huh, that was odd.
"So there have been. Please, Ichinose-san, we are in urgent need. I'm willing to train up recruits if needed, and willing to significantly increase not only their salary but your commission too. But please don't make me sit here and watch as Frontliners goes down."
"I understand that, but you've got to understand that agencies picked up the new ones like hot cakes. Everyone is struggling and everyone is understaffed. Things have not been the same since HPSC went down and I can't sell out our only picks and sabotage my place of work for yours."
"If you knew how important this was-"
"I do! But they don't, Rei, and they won't understand my reasoning and I wouldn't blame them for it."
"And I'm not going to sit back either, so either you get me an appointment with your Head or I declare a head hunt at the next Hero event. Your pick."
More silence. Minoru was horribly intrigued. What was going on?
"I'll get you that appointment. But come prepared. You might as well be asking the man to hand you the clothes off his back."
"Thank you." The relief in those two words seemed disproportionate to the situation, but the hero's tone throughout the entirety of the conversation had been much too desperate and panicked than the situation warranted in his opinion.
The secretary - Ichinose-san? - walked him out the door and Mineta quietly made his way back to his office wondering what exactly he had stumbled upon. This train of thinking was of course entirely separate to the little factoid he'd discovered that apparently Miss Goody-Good Good was not as good as she appeared and had a history of shuffling around recruits into different agencies after they'd been accepted into this one for commissions. What an incredible piece of information. Just made her hotter in his opinion.
He resolved to try to ask her out again when he clocked out today. 57th time's the charm, he always says. You have never said that, you boiled grape, and you know it. Shut up, imaginary Denki. She'll say yes today.
She said no.
58th time's the charm I always sa- Shut up Mineta. Shutting up.
Given what he'd overheard, it was no surprise that Bossman blew up his office on Thursday.
The Head of Minoru's agency was temperamental and well-known to lose sight of his reason when confronted directly about things he'd made clear he wanted nothing to do with. It didn't help that his Quirk often ended up disrupting whatever floor he was on with his furious scrabbling and so his office was relegated to the ground floor despite that being against the norm.
However, Bossman didn't mind because even though he seemed really intimidating and harsh when you caught him at a bad time, he was fairly down to earth and quite protective of his employees. He was also a mole, so maybe that factored into the earth bit.
Regardless, Mineta had never felt unsafe with him, except that one time he had gotten caught skipping out on paperwork to go to a blind dating event. And the first time he'd been interviewed for the job.
Mineta remembered quivering in his tiny yellow boots when Pro Hero Ground Break loomed over him, squinting his beady black eyes at him, as if assessing if he was worth it after all.
Ground Break wasn't a household name and never would be - he was too plain for that - but his agency did the important work of recruiting average heroes. All the other top agencies competed for the flashiest quirks and the top dogs of every damned sports festival or ceremony.
Who bothered with the ones who were left behind? Those that had potential, but were neither bad enough nor good enough to draw anyone's attention? Agencies like Ground's took them in and made them the largest percent of any hero task force.
After nabbing all the flashiest and most expensive heroes, top agencies then turned pleading eyes at these middling organizations for backup, clean-up, restoration, evacuation, long-term operations, and undercover work. Safe to say, 'middling agencies' did pretty much all the work while the top dogs got the credit and the fame.
What a miserable exchange.
Okay, so he's still a little bitter, sue him. Most of his classmates were either naturally gifted, or had worked hard enough to surpass their mediocrity and gotten accepted into their preferred agencies. Some were even thinking of opening up their own. Minoru couldn't even begin to imagine being at that point in life. He was still here, several steps behind everyone else, life as usual for the little grape juice hero.
Shoving down his rather uncharitable thoughts for so early in the day, Minoru watered the little grape vine curling it's way across his window (the only personal touch he'd settled for in his office) and tried to concentrate on reading his fellows' handwriting.
He couldn't though, because everyone on his floor was straining to hear the commotion inside Boss man's office. He peeked over to see Ichinose-san looking distinctly uncomfortable and wincing every time she heard the yelling re-ensue. After fifteen minutes, the noise died down and Mineta went back to looking wistfully out the window towards where smoke was rising from the city center. Villain attack, then.
He wished it was him out there.
Hey, he was a hero even though he was a slacker, and all this sitting around and paperwork was making him restless.
A knock startled him out of his seat.
"Grape Juice, sir? You are being called in. Please report to Ground Break's office immediately."
The scene inside the office was disastrous. Mud and cement was piled up everywhere, and at Minoru's incredulous stare, Bossman looked slightly abashed.
"Err, ahem. Grape Juice, this is Pro Hero Camouflage. Please sit down, we have something important to discuss."
Camouflage looked like he'd been pelted with dirty diapers. It was a very specific kind of expression that Minoru was aware of only because his mom made that same face when she changed little Mimi and she decided to use that time to relieve herself onto her caregiver mid-change. It was not a good expression.
"I'm sorry, your name is Grape Juice? I'm recruiting a hero not having a garden party! Mole, what the hell kind of brat are you giving me? Do you remember anything I talked about?" The last part was practically a hiss with how clenched his teeth were.
Minoru was not too prideful to admit his own shortcomings, nor was he hesitant to turn tail and run when things got too dicey unlike some people - cough, Bakugou and Midoriya - and was well aware of his inability to be a good hero, but this beautiful man was pissing him off. He'd have no way of knowing Minoru had spied on him, but still chose to be rude on a first meeting. What a douche.
Handsome too. Shut your lying mouth, Denki.
Before he could retort, Bossman pinned Camouflage with a glare. "You came to me, begging for what I could give you despite my own troubles, and when I offer you a perfectly good candidate you turn around and badmouth him to me? Remind me if I forget, but who's in charge here? This is my office, Camouflage, so sit your ass down and listen. If you don't like it, leave."
Unhappy, but not able to reply, Camouflage did indeed seat himself before Bossman cleared his throat.
"As I was saying, Pro Hero Grape Juice," Minoru's eyes widened at the use of his full title.
What in the world was going on?
"This is Pro Hero Camouflage. Despite initial impressions I promise he is not always this much of a bonehead. He runs the agency known as Frontliners. Given your sensei, you might know it."
Minoru shook his head.
"Unsurprising. Frontliners is primarily for Underground heroes, a lesser-known haven for those who hate the fame and don't want to play the popularity game to get paid. In recent years, the hero population has dramatically receded, and so not enough people means even less of those who are willing to work without recognition.
All agencies have suffered but underground ones most of all. Pro Hero Camouflage here is much the same. He wants to offer you a work contract eligible for one year as a trial period. If you would be okay with accepting, then you will be temporarily transferred to his agency quarters until your period is complete. After that you may decide if you want to renew your contract with him, or come back to our agency. What do you think?"
"Woah, woah, woah, back up. Where is this even coming from? And why me? And what sort of work will I even do? And what do I get out of this? Why am I suddenly being transferred?"
Bossman and Camouflage nodded approvingly. The synchrony made Minoru want to giggle hysterically. He managed to swallow it down.
"You'd be compensated handsomely for your troubles of course. Believe me, I had no thoughts about letting you go, but Camouflage approached me with a request for his dwindling numbers and asked if there was anyone I could spare who would fit the criteria. Among our very talented staff, there are few whose quirks or dispositions are uniquely suited to undercover work, so you were a clear choice."
What? Minoru had never thought of himself as an underground hero. To be fair, most of his time was spent daydreaming about all the girls he'd nab after becoming rich and famous but those were fantasies he'd hung on to even after the war, as a way to escape the reality of his career.
All he did was run away, these days.
"Me? I was a clear choice?" His tone was far too disbelieving, and he heard Camouflage scoff. What a colossal jerk.
Bossman looked at him with some fondness. He was a sap for all his employees. Minoru wished he didn't find it nearly as endearing as he did.
"Of course, Grape Juice. You are small and unassuming, with a fantastic quirk for getting out of tough spots. Your stealth and ability to blend in are great abilities and you lack nothing in the way of social skills, aside from your occasional foray into unfortunate... casanovian behavior."
Camouflage's eyes narrow at that and he glares at Minoru as if Minoru had flirted with his mom. He would have, but she wasn't even here!
"Boy, are you going to harass my workers because if so, so help me God, I'd rather walk out of here with noth-"
"I am a Pro Hero, Camouflage." Minoru interrupted neatly, eyes closed, smile wide.
He was seething. He could handle some disrespect, and this hero wasn't even all wrong, Minoru had done a lot of things until now that could be - and often were - counted as harassment, but he had never jeopardized someone's life, or his vows as a hero, for it.
Maybe he was a pervert, or an incorrigible flirt that no girls seemed to like, but he was not the type of person that bullied people or made them quit out of discomfort. And now more than ever, since he'd had some epiphanies about where he stood, his desire to prove something had come back with a vengeance. He hated the way this man came in and dismissed three years of intense training and a war he'd been through before he even talked to him with a straight face.
"What I do outside of hero work, or in my own time is not your business! In fact, everything you've said so far has been unrelated to my abilities as a hero. As Bossman said, maybe you should sit down and let me consider your offer instead of rejecting you outright as I should. But hey, if you wanna blow your chances, it's cool with me. I never wanted to change agencies anyway."
Eyes narrowing, Camouflage leaned back into his seat. From the corner of his eye, Minoru thought he saw Bossman give him a proud smirk. He felt proud of himself too.
Baby steps.
"Calm your pants, Hero. I was only asking if your habits spill into your hero work. I'm a leader, and I have a responsibility to the people in my team. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel as it is, I can't bring in someone who might hurt my workers, or create an uncomfortable working environment. Things at my agency are often tough and tense. Adding someone with the wrong sort of chemistry could have severe consequences."
Jerk or not, Mineta was intrigued. What kind of work was so delicate that it needed chemistry? And he couldn't deny that his reasoning was sound. Minoru's insecurities were not others' to tiptoe around and he could be quite a disruption at the best of times. Feeling a little guilty at his harsh response and more than a little embarrassed at how wide open he'd left his defense to the others, he nodded in acceptance.
Still smirking, Bossman continued, "Grape Juice, I think you are a good fit for the job. It is also a good opportunity for you to grow and learn in an environment different from one you are used to. Many heroes often find their calling by working in a variety of fields, and I thought this was something that might interest you and help you develop some more skills. Keep in mind that this is a choice you must not make lightly. The next year, should you choose to switch, will be full of challenges. You may not come back until the year is up. That is why I recommend you take the rest of today off to read through Firstliner's paperwork and question Camouflage if you need to. Once you have decided, we can talk about specifics. Are you agreeable?"
Color him intrigued. He nodded and turned towards the hero next to him."I think you'd better come with me to my office. If we keep him here any longer, Bossman is going to do worse than rip up his flooring again."
Bossman grumbled something about cheeky little upstarts who needed boxing around the ears but Minoru just smirked.
"I'll call Ichinose-san in to collect your sorry ass, shall I? Have fun, Bossman! She's not happy with you right now." He slammed the door behind him, chortling at the secretary to go deal with the mess in the office and didn't notice the way Camouflage's eyes widened then narrowed in sudden suspicion.
"Have a seat," he gestured vaguely at the chair, pumping up his own chair to reach even playing ground with this incredibly tall human. Not for the last time, he sent up a complaint to the heavens for having the audacity to give him yet another disadvantage in a world of giants.
"Now, I had a few ques-"
"How did you know about Ichinose-san?" Camouflage interrupted. Man, this guy was really rude. Did he grow up in a barn? Where were his manners? Was he a foreigner? Wait, was he?
Minoru looked at him as if he was very clearly addled. "She's a secretary who sits at the front desk. Obviously I know who she is, I work here."
"No, I mean why did you call her Ichinose-san? How do you know that name? Everyone else calls her Kinoko-san. And I would have known if you two were that close and you are not. I had no idea who you even were until today. So what gives?"
"Again I don't see how this is any business of yours what I call her? Camouflage, this is really not going to work if you keep butting into my life and analyzing all my interactions with girls. There's a lot of stuff you're not gonna wanna see, I promise."
Grimacing, Camouflage persisted, "That incredibly concerning statement aside, I still must insist on knowing why you called her that. She and I are childhood friends, and that name is a bit of an inside joke. There is no way you could have known it unless she told you herself, which she hasn't, so what gives?”
Minoru felt a sweat drop slide down his neck. Oh no. There was no way to laugh something like that off, and he didn't know enough about Kinoko-san apparently to try lying about their closeness.
" I... May or may not have accidentally eavesdropped on a conversation?"
Camouflage raised a perfect brow, "Accidentally?"
"...Accidentally on purpose."
By the end of the day, Minoru had a thick wad of paper at his desk to read through, the promise of more on the way and a job switch recommended by two separate heroes to contemplate.
He'd never asked for this. Why did God insist on testing him so often? There go his plans to spend some 'me time' with a few new beauties on the modeling scene and then pass out on his futon. Now, instead of living a totally mediocre life of heroism, he had to think and consider his options to increase his ambition and reanalyze his motivations.
Yeah, Camouflage had not been super impressed with his work ethic. Whatever. He was sure everyone would agree that Mineta Minorou was burdened with a very difficult life.
Oh yeah, very burdened indeed. Shut up, Denki.