Chapter Text
Lucy is waiting in the parking lot for Tim to come out after he talks to Grey. She is beyond angry with him for ghosting her, but she’s also worried about him. They’ve always been a team and she just wants to support him in every single way that she can. She sees Tim walk out of the station and over to her. Lucy pulls him in for a hug immediately. “Are you okay?” It comes out quieter than expected.
“No, I’m not, at all.” Tim shudders in her arms. “I just lied to two men that I respect more than anything.” Lucy sees his walls breaking. “I’m scared, Lucy. I feel like I just blew up my entire career and even parts of my life. I..I can’t lose you. I almost pushed you away, but I need you Lucy.”
“Please don’t push me away. I am never going anywhere and we will get through this, babe. It’s always going to be me and you.” She can feel Tim’s walls breaking and she is going to support him however she can. Tim’s her entire world. She just wants to hold him and never let him go. “Why don’t we go back to your house?” Lucy still holds onto Tim but pushes back slightly to look up at him. The broken look on his face almost breaks her.
“Okay. I..maybe you should drive us to your house.” Lucy grabs his keys and they walk over to his truck. Tim was going to run from everyone and save Lucy from this, but he didn’t; he couldn’t. Lucy is the one person he fully trusts and as painful as things will get, he knows that she won’t leave him. She will never look at him differently or judge him. She is his person; his rock. Lucy was there through some of the worst of it with Isabel and then everything with his dad. She hasn’t left and she’s proven that no matter how bad things get, she will be here for him.
The drive to his house is quiet, only the quiet hum of the radio playing in the background. Tim’s in his head. Lucy picks up something for dinner because she doesn’t know when he actually ate last. Once Lucy pulls in the driveway, Tim doesn’t move. She takes his hand in hers and he jumps.
“Hey, we're at your house. Let’s go eat and then I’ll hold you.”
As soon as they walk inside, Kojo jumps on them. Lucy lets him outside and sits Tim on the couch. She sets up their food and makes sure that Kojo has his own dinner. He trots back inside and goes to eat.
Lucy grabs two sodas and sits next to Tim, who has yet to touch his food. “Baby, can you please try to eat something?”
Tim manages the smallest smile and squeezes Lucy’s knee. They eat in silence, well Tim picks at his food. She knows he has a million things on his mind. Lucy cleans their food up and then sits back down on the couch. She pulls Tim to her and wraps her arms around him. Her heart breaks seeing him look so broken. “I’ve got you babe. I’ve got you.” She can feel her shirt getting wet from his tears and just holds him close to her. The last forty eight hours were hell for both of them.
“I’m so sorry Lucy. I shouldn’t have left you out or shut you out. I thought that I was protecting you.” Lucy runs her hand through his hair. “Please don’t leave me.” Tim whispers. Lucy cradles his head between her hands.
“I promise you that I’m not going anywhere. As angry and hurt as I was, I’m more worried than anything. Maybe you didn’t handle it the best way that you could have, but you were doing what you thought was best at the time. You always try to protect me, even if I don’t need it, but it’s just one of the many reasons that I am in love with you. You’ve always protected me and supported me.”
“I love you so much Lucy.” Tim chokes out. She moves to kiss him softly and then rests her forehead against his.
“I know that there’s so much to discuss, but let’s go take a shower and then get some sleep. Tomorrow, we can talk about everything and figure things out.”
Lucy stands and then helps Tim up. She grabs his hand and then walks to his bedroom. “Will you please take a shower with me? I just need to feel you.” Tim whispers out.
“Of course I will. Come on.” Lucy takes two of Tim’s shirts, a clean pair of boxers, pajama pants, and a new pair of panties for her into the bathroom. They each take their clothes off, Lucy having started the shower. Lucy pushes Tim gently into the shower and he hisses when the water hits his body. It feels absolutely wonderful. The weight of barely taking care of himself is sitting on his shoulders. What if something happened to Lucy because of me? What if something happened to me and I broke Lucy? How can I be the man she needs?
“Tim, baby, I need you to breathe.” He’s panicking but her voice calms him down. Her hand lands on his cheek. His hands wrap around her and he pulls her as close to him as possible.
“How can you still love me? After everything I’ve done? I’m not honorable and I’m not good enough for you Lucy. You deserve the entire world Lucy.”
“I’m stopping you right now. You’re the best man for me and nothing changes that. We may not be married but we are there for each other in the best times and the worst. I don’t ever want anyone else, ever. We’re all a little broken. Right now you need some help and we are going to figure this out together.”
“I was pushed back to patrol. What if Grey tries to transfer me or worse he tries to punish you?”
Lucy’s heart hurts for Tim. “I won’t let that happen. We will figure it out together babe, I promise.”
Tim lets Lucy clean him up and he focuses on her hands on his body. Once they’re finished, she wraps a towel around him and puts her own on. They each get dressed and as Lucy brushes her hair, she sees Tim standing behind her. He wraps his arms around her midsection and Lucy relaxes into his embrace. “Are you ready for bed?”
“Yeah, I am.” He whispers. They each lay on their respective sides, but Lucy holds her arms out for Tim. He moves to lay his head on her chest and she runs her hand up and down his back. She can feel his breathing even out and once she knows he’s in a deep sleep, Lucy lets her own tears fall. The last two days were emotionally taxing. Yes, she kicked him out because she was pissed. She made him tell what was going on, but Tim truly felt he was this terrible man. He felt that she deserved better. It broke her heart into a million pieces. They’ve been through so much together since she met him. They are each other’s comfort and biggest support.
Lucy watches Tim sleep. Tomorrow will be the hard talks between them and she knows that he needs his rest. Grey told them both to take a few days off. When Tim comes back to work, he will be back on patrol. Her mind won’t stop swirling about everything and she finally drifts to sleep around three. She wakes up to Tim’s fingers running soothing circles on her legs. She moves slightly and he smiles up at her.
Lucy moves her hand to his cheek. “Hi baby. Did you sleep well?” She asks him.
“I did but I think it’s because I had such a great pillow.” Lucy giggles and kisses him softly. Tim looks into her eyes and she sees a flash of fear. “We need to talk about everything.”
“How about after we eat some breakfast? We have nowhere else to be today.”
Tim climbs out of bed and they move to the kitchen. He makes their coffee while Lucy makes them omelets. They work so easily together just like they do in every aspect of their lives.
Once breakfast is eaten and cleaned up, they take their spots on the couch. Lucy faces Tim and takes his hands in hers. He lets out a breath and she squeezes his hands for reassurance. “I need to apologize to you first Lucy. What I did was so wrong but deep down I thought I was protecting you. I know you don’t need protecting but I love you and I’ve always felt a need to keep you safe. I think part of it is because I pushed you to Caleb and didn’t see who he really was. I still blame myself for that.”
“Oh babe.” Tim puts his finger to her lips.
“Please let me finish.” She nods. “I didn’t have any good reason to let Angela in and not you. I didn’t want you to lose everything again because of me. I am the reason you didn’t become a detective.” Lucy’s heart breaks for Tim. “I want to be the man that you deserve, Lucy. Last night, I lied to both Wade and Percy. Ray has taken so much from me and I screwed up. I know that I screwed up and I will do whatever I can to get back into Grey’s good graces. I take responsibility for what I did.” He needs to stop and Lucy wipes the tears falling down his face. “I don’t know how to fix myself anymore. You deserve the world because you’re an amazing person Lucy. You’re so good and I’m not. You somehow love me and I just don’t know why.” He finally hangs his head low.
“Tim, babe, look at me.” She pushes his chin up so his eyes are looking at her. “You are a good man and I wish you could see what I do. What happened with Caleb is not your fault and I have never blamed you. You really thought you did the right thing with Ray all those years ago and you did it to help his family. It’s not malicious. Yes, he came back and shit hit the fan, but you’re still here with me. I appreciate you apologizing. I am sorry for kicking you out but I was pissed. I didn’t sleep well because I thought I lost you. I was scared and worried about you.” She kisses a few of his tears away. “I don’t like how everything was handled, but we are going to move forward together. We will figure work out together but Grey seems to love me. I will see what I can do about us, okay?” He nods and Lucy sees a faint smile. “I need you to listen to me on the next part.”
“I am listening to you.”
“Tim, you need therapy.” He doesn’t say anything but Lucy feels him tense. “It’s not a bad thing baby, but it will help you and us. You have so much trauma that you’re holding onto. Your childhood, the army, Isabel, and even my kidnapping. I will be by your side every single step of the way, but please Tim.” Lucy sounds like she’s begging. “And maybe.” She paused.
“Maybe what?”
“We do couples therapy separately so we can work on bettering our relationship and communication. I can’t lose you Tim but I thought I was going to. I don’t ever want to feel that way again.”
Tim pulls her into his lap and she rests her head on his chest. “I will go to therapy. I will do it for us.”
“Tim it has to be for you too.”
“And it is. I want to be what you deserve. I want to meet those grandkids we talked about.”
Lucy smiles and she can feel him relax more. “We will look for therapists tomorrow. We will tell Grey that you’re working on yourself too, okay? I won’t leave your side.”
“I’m so lucky to have you Lucy. Thank you for not leaving when I clearly fucked up so bad.”
“Tim, you’ve been there through all of my stuff and I’m here for yours. That’s what you do when you love someone.”
She relaxes into his embrace and is so grateful that he’s alive and here with her.
“Lucy?”
“Yeah babe?”
Tim blows out a breath. “I know you may not trust me.”
“I trust you with my life.” He covers her lips again.
“I just..I know these last few days have been trying, but what do you think about moving in with each other? It may be the worst time to ask, but you’re the only one for me.”
Lucy sits up and wraps her arms around his neck. “Well, Tamara is moving out and I don’t see the point in paying rent. I really hate being without you every night, so yes, I’ll move in.” The smile on Tim’s face makes her smile. “We will get through this together.”
“I love you so much Lucy. Thank you.”
“I love you and you never need to thank me.” Lucy gives him another soft kiss. They would get through this together.