Archive of Our Own

01

“Lexi -” Isagi smiled, running to Ness. Isagi almost got into a skid on the wet shower room floor.

“Careful, Yoichi!” Ness reached out, successfully stopping Isagi from falling down. The midfielder's grip lingered a beat longer than necessary; their proximity now as routine as morning training drills. Ness exhaled after glimpsing the flier that Isagi held. “What’s up, Yoichi? Are you going to ask my company? If so, I’m gonna tell our nutritionist that you want to have sweets again.”

The dark-haired striker brushed when Ness’s smile deepened. When Isagi wasn’t that familiar with Munich, Ness offered his help when Isagi wanted to find dessert shops. He showed Isagi around and prevent him from lost in the city. So, Ness got to know that he had a sweet tooth, teasing him often. “Of course not,” Isagi countered. “I want to know if you want to try some sweets.”

Isagi handed the flier over and watched Ness's reaction. The curly-haired boy paused for a moments before his eyes softened, “Nothing… but I do want to try some Japanese desserts.”

The striker still could hardly believe that he was talking to Alexis Ness. Maybe the Neo-egoist League's Ness left him such a deep impression that he couldn’t forget how Ness hated him back then, though now he completely changed.

Ness seemed forget his birthday. 

It had been four years after Neo-egoist League.

And before Isagi joined Bastard, he didn’t expect Ness being exceptionally friendly and welcoming. He was nice and considerate, which confused Isagi at first but made the black-haired striker befriended with him later. The midfielder became a different person: He no longer passed to Kaiser only; he could think rationally with maximization of his ability, reviewing the game together till dawn. Ness also volunteered to help Isagi adapt the life as a foreign pro player.

As Ness’s friend, he wanted to throw him a surprise party. But his advice met unexpected awakward smiles and rejections of their teammates, which leave Isagi bewildered. When he called Kaiser (who had transferred), the blonde’s grin disappeared; he impatiently asked Isagi not to bother him after Ness’s final independence. So, that was why he was alone in front of Ness’s apartment door.

He heard that Ness moved to this remote apartment once he was back to Munich from Neo-egoist League. The distance didn’t bother Ness who got a driving license and bought a car after that.

Isagi managed to get a back-up key for Ness’s home; he also heard that the other boy was on a shift in local animal shelter. So Isagi thought it was a perfect time for a birthday party, so he prepared a matcha cake and decors.

Isagi smiled. The key entered the lock.

And the door cracked open.

02

It was DARK. 

Darkness swallowed Isagi whole.

The thick curtain blocked the sunlight, with only the faintest light passing through the slits. The dark-haired striker frowned and stepped gingerly into the room. 

The door shut behind him, and the light disappeared. Isagi snapped his head back, discovering the small gears to make the door close automatically. He sighed in relief, turning on the flashlight.

There was a constant hum on the background, as if some high-powered appliances were operating. Isagi walked into the living room; the open kitchen revealed itself. The black-haired boy put the cake and his other decors on the kitchen island. He took some party poppers alongside a HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner. Though it was dark , Isagi could still get the decor ready.

Isagi sighs, walking towards the sofa to arrange balloons. However, the dust made him cough badly when he sat down. Isagi, who had already adapted to the darkness, turned on his flashlight again and found the couch was covered with dust; it was also the same for the floor. There was only a clean pathway connect the doorway to one bedroom.

It was so strange; it seemed that no one LIVED here. Instead, the owner only used the bedroom.

Isagi didn’t get it; Ness wasn’t lazy, and he was a master of house chores. He excelled in cooking and bakery. Isagi witnessed Ness’s housekeeping skills during his visit to Isagi's dorm; how could Ness’s home be so dusty and messy? Was it the wrong apartment?

Isagi checked the apt. number, but he found it was the dorm in the archive. He frowned, curiosity drove him into the bedroom that the clean pathway was connected to.

The bedroom was even darker without any windows; the flashlight lit up the room.

The stickers on the wall were layer upon layer; the handwriting was indeed Ness’s. His reading was not as good as speaking, so Isagi read carefully. They were all about soccer skills and games; some of them were about recipes and trivia, mostly about him, Isagi Yoichi. Papers and notebooks were scattered on the floor; Isagi picked one notebook with a confusing YEAR 2030 on the cover.

2030? It was going to be years later! 

Meanwhile, the condition of the notebook seemed old. It was yellowing; the pages became crisp.

Isagi opened it, reading its contents.

03

■■.■■

Yoichi asked me out, said he had something serious to tell me. He’s definitely gonna confess!

I saw ins couples exchange their diary, so I'll write some thoughts today. I’m not looking forward to seeing Yoichi’s surprise when he receive my diary.

Yoichi has always been very… he always focus on ME. He doesn’t see me as Bastard No.8, or Kaiser’s dog, or anything else… just“Alexis Ness”.

Yoichi… is very considerate. BUT, I’ll act more calm to prevent Yoichi from being cocky!

The first page was written carefully, as if the writer wanted to make it look good. But Isagi frowned at the words because he couldn't remember when he noticed Ness, asking him out.

With that question in mind, Isagi flipped the page.

*blank page*

*yellowed pages with water stain*

*black pages*

 

■■.■■

DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE

He’s the only one who viewed me as Alexis Ness

You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel You third wheel 

YOU THIEF TURN MY YOICHI BACK!!!!!!

 

■■.■■

Yes, I have that pocket watch…

I can go back in time…

 

■■.■■

*yellowed pages with brown stains*

I went back to the time when the nel was over. Kaiser and I turned back to German and he wanted transfer.

And I saw myself… in my apartment.

I started to quarrel with him myself because me at this time didn’t believe he I would fall in love with Yoichi and he me at this time don't want to treat him well. I knew how he myself would treat Yoichi…

Why he myself didn’t believe me?! Yoichi would…

And I 

I didn’t intended to... I must silence his scream...

It’s because he me at this time was so stubborn

 

Isagi frowned deeper when he caught a sniff of rust on this page.

■■.■■

My afterimage did appear some times when the rewound time was shorter. Maybe the period was so long that I had to face an complete sticking image of me… which was a me in the past.

I don’t understand. Why didn’t he me at this time trust me other people would take Yoichi if

 

The remaining contents were weird chatter, “go back” and “time travel” were constantly mentioned. All the contents were like a meta fantasy novel and Isagi knew Ness loved magic. Those notebook numbered till 23, and Isagi picked up this newest one.

 

■■.■■

I hate 23 as a number, disgusting.

Killing HIM isn’t that hard after all. And I knew how HE would react anyway. They won’t be persuaded so I don’t need to waste my time.

I signed up to be the animal shelter volunteer so that I can deal with the remains. The head is a problem, but maybe I can slice the remaining meat

 

■■.■■

Yoichi asked what sweet I love to eat! I’m so happy! This time everything goes so smoothly.

If I can be Yoichi’s lover, I need to clean up the apartment and start the actual living…hehe ^v^

HE should thank me for what I’ve done. If it was HIM, Yoichi would have been taken by others.

Isagi sensed the chill ran down his spine when he realized that it was talking about the incidence a few days ago. However, the black-haired boy tried to rationalized by making excuses: maybe it was Ness’s novel that he created based on his real life… Time travel doesn't exist, he shouldn’t think too much about it.

The quickened heartbeat was like thunders dropped in the room. He almost threw notebook down and hurried back to the kitchen. Isagi took a deep breath and convinced himself to focus on prepareing for Ness’s birthday party. Though he found his hand shaking uncontrollably when he held the cake.

Taking a deep breath, Isagi opens the refrigerator—

04

Many people say they can't scream when they’re utterly terrified, and that's true.

The cake fell onto the ground, becoming a pile of green mush. Isagi fell to the ground, unable to stand up with his powerless legs. His eyes widened, breathing heavily because of the feeling of being choked. His vision blurred. But even so, THAT THING was clear.

The head was there. 

The skin was pale, with some flesh cut out of its cheeks. The skull was exposed. It stared at Isagi with an empty orbit. The hair had long withered, with a thick layer of frost.

It was different from the horror movies; it was a head from Isagi’s friend.

And there was a disgusting smell of coldness and death.

Isagi was incapable of screaming. The instinct was alarming, forcing him to move and run away.

His brain was struggling to function at the moment. Although Isagi didn't know what was going on, he was sure that there was an unidentified murderer. For his own safety, he had to leave. So Isagi forced himself to stood up with the island. The tinnitus and dizziness hit him together; the black-haired striker tried to steady himself.

Just as he was catching his breath, Isagi was dazzled by the sudden light.

“Oh… it’s you, Yoichi. I thought it is a thief.”

Isagi finally regained his ability to see. He saw that Ness was standing in front of him. Then, Isagi turned, and the head revealed itself again. The texture of the muscle was so real that Isagi felt like vomiting again. So he covered his mouth, stopping himself from throwing up.

“Yoichi, are you all right?” Ness stepped forward, trying to reach Isagi. The striker unconsciously took aback, hitting against the edge of the refrigerator.

Magenta eyes lost its light before refilling with worry and consideration. He chuckled. “Why are you so horrified? Do you think that’s real? You silly Yoichi, I’m here.”

His words calmed Isagi Yoichi down a bit. Alexis Ness was in front of him. But the head in the refrigerator, with its rust and fishy smell, was just as real as him.

Ness walk to Isagi and smiled as he patted the head in the refrigerator, “Don’t be afraid, Yoichi. It’s a prop for Halloween. I want it to be truly horrifying, so I started earlier.”

“I see… but the texture and smell is so real…” Isagi spoke nervously, turning his head to avoid looking at the empty orbits. Ness then shut the door. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you ahead and scared you. Oh… it’s matcha cake? You bought it for me?”

“Eh… yeah, I want to throw a surprise party but…” Isagi was finally able to stand up.

Ness smiled apologetically, holding Isagi's hands and wipe his tears. “I don't live here neither… so let’s go to my house.”

“What…? You don’t live here?” Asked Isagi; Isagi got Ness’s address from Bastard's archive and that should have been true. Ness smiled without speaking, picking up what Isagi had brought. Then, he continued. “I used to live here before moving to a nearby house. This is where I keep my old stuff. So here’s kinda where I’m living? ANYWAY… I forgot it was my birthday until you told me. I'm so happy you're here to help me celebrate, so let’s go to my house?”

Ness pushed Isagi out of the apartment; Isagi was still in shock, suspicious. The midfielder cupped Isagi’s cheeks, speaking with an exceptionally gentle tone. “Are you alright, Yoichi? You made me worried. It’s my fault… This coincidence is so awkward.”

A forced smile showed on Isagi’s face. 

This is the real world; time travel is impossible. Besides, Ness was with him, alive. The other person was absolutely Ness. Maybe all the things he experienced was indeed a scary coincidence.

Ness take him to a beautiful house. Unlike the apartment, the house was south-facing sun; the air is fresh; everything is clean and tidy. The style wasn’t like what he saw in the apartments of their German teammate; instead, it was weirdly familiar. It was Japanese style; Isagi even noticed chopsticks and a rice cooker in the kitchen.

“Your house is felt like my house in Saitama. And you got a rice cooker? I thought you didn’t like eating rice?” Isagi asked.

Ness turned to the black-haired player. “I’m just... kinda like Japanese style lately.”

Isagi nodded, putting his belongings on the table. Ness turned on the TV for Isagi and took the food out of the fridge. Relaxed, Isagi finally slumped against the soft sofa. “Too bad the surprise party was ruined.”

“It's all right,” Ness chuckled, “I’m glad that you remembered my birthday! So, you stay here, I’ll quickly take a shower. Sorry that I smell like a dog… Yoichi! What are you laughing at??”

Isagi smiled at the fact that Ness was called “dumb Poodle.”

“Silly Yoichi,” Ness playfully rolled his eyes, ruffling the dark-haired boy's hair.

After Ness went to shower, Isagi felt thirsty. The striker went to search for mugs; he opened the sideboard, noticing that all the cutlery were in pairs. Even the different cups were coupled, which were blue and magenta respectively.

Why Ness bought paired mugs? Was he dating someone?

Confused, Isagi took a sip of water.

05

“Yoichi?” The early spring night of Munich was chilly. Ness helped Isagi wrap his scarf. When he was about to leave, Ness grabbed Isagi’s wrist. The black-haired boy blinked. “What’s up?”

Ness stared at Isagi with his big, magenta eyes; Isagi’s face reddened when Ness caressed his cheek. “Yoichi… I love you.”

It took Isagi a moment to process Ness’s confession. Although Ness had been kind to him since the end of Neo-egoist League, nervousness arose and flooded.

The old notebook, the head in fridge, the dark and dusty apartment, and the Japanese-style house were eerie, evoking a sense of dissonance. 

Isagi’s intuition urged him to leave immediately; his mind went blank for a moment. He stood there for a while before answering. “It's late. Sorry... Lexi.”

Ness froze visibly, his smile fading. Darkness filled in his eyes, but soon the midfielder’s smile demeanor came back. “No worries, Yoichi.”

“It's all right,” Isagi replied quickly. He composed his answer carefully. “Lexi, you’re my good friend, but I haven’t thought about it before… I’ll try to get back to you in the next week. OK?”

Then Isagi ran towards his apartment, hurried to his room. He wanted to leaving everything behind and took a rest.

Never mind… Time travel don’t exist, and Ness is alive and healthy. Isagi pursed his lips, contemplating while locking his door and windows.

02

Isagi smiled. The key entered the lock.

And the door cracked open.

“Yoichi? How can you open my door??” Ness was shocked as he carried the fruit platter, almost dropping an apple. Isagi was even more dumbfounded before hurrying explaining himself. “I'm sorry, Lexi! It's your birthday, and I wanted to throw you a surprise party so I -”

Ness interrupted with a heavy sigh.“No worries… Come on in.”

The magenta-haired boy took over Isagi's belongings. The other boy thanked Ness before asking incredulously, “I thought you are volunteering in the animal shelter today...”

“Well…but it's my birthday, I thought I'd take a break. And I'm glad you’re here,” he said with a smile.

Isagi suddenly sneezed because of the strong smell of fragrance. “Can you open some windows? The smell is so strong…”

Ness obeyed; the wind blew inside. “You don’t like it?”

“I don’t like strong smell, it made me wanna sneeze…”

“Maybe I'm used to it.” The midfielder turned around, “thank you, Yoichi! I’m really happy to spend my birthday with you. So…Do you wanna stay over? So that I can make you a fine dinner tonight.”

“I’ll take care of the chores! I’m the one who’s wanna throw you a party! And you’re the birthday boy.” Isagi exclaimed, her eyes wide and her hands waving for attention. He stood up, walking alongside Ness. “At least let me help!”

The dark-haired striker went to the kitchen with his friend, stepping on the clean floor.

END？

EXTRA

As the saying goes, one can't empathize with themself who stays up late. Alexis Ness can’t recall when he heard this for the first time.  

It feels good to stay up late, but the person will defiantly regret and hate themself for staying up too late. However, they repeat the circle over and over again.

Ness stares down at the black plastic sheets in the tub while the saying pops up in his mind.

The body on the sheets has lost any sign of life; The plum-colored eyes wild open without focus.

EYES. Ness snorts inwardly; he takes a knife, twirling it in his orbits, and pushes the eye-balls out.

It feels familiar as he pulls up HIS head; it’s for sure because the body is Alexis Ness himself.

Yeah. HE is “myself who stays up late.”

Bone saw whined into life; he pressed it into the body, feeling the blade's resistance against meat and muscles. Ness remains deadpan. The red liquid mixes with cold water; then, it is washed away.

HE is too stubborn to communicate and persuade; HE has never believed his plan and claimed no cooperation. So Ness substituting HIM is the best solution because if he let the thing slide, it will eventually lead to -

……

“Why are you here, Yo.”

Ness arrived early and waited, but a unexpected person showed up instead of Yoichi. Ness glared at him, but Hiori smiled and sit down, unbothered. “The reason is that… I’m the one who ask you out using Isagi-kun’s phone.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” Ness grabbed the fork tighter.

The two glasses of parfait melted, which was kinda disgusting.

Hiori chuckled snarky; he rested his hands on the table, revealing a new watch around his wrist. The watch dial had a ISAGI and HIORI on it. The cyan eyes darkened; he then sneered, voice sharp. “Could you please stop bothering Isagi-kun and preserve a proper distance with MY fiancé?”

It has been 10 years after the original Neo-egoist League, and he travelled back 22 times. Nearly a hundred years has passed since he started time traveling. And sometimes Ness travel back for a few days, weeks and months. However, the jealousy, anger and the murderous intents never faded with time he experiences; it’s as clear as yesterday.

He won't be that underdog again. Yoichi is the one who views him as a person, an equivalent, and Alexis Ness. He’ll be Yoichi’s one and only partner. He won't let anyone snatch Yoichi away; he’ll do anything to overcome the obstacles.

Even HIMSELF.

The smell of blood lingered in the bathroom. Ness tosses the meat on the floor, as if he’s treating some props.

He has long lost counts of the times when he kills himself; he no longer remember how many times he dissects his own body. And now his every move is quick and precise; he stops shaking; he does all these like the most mundane task.

The world melts around Ness, leaving only Isagi’s smile in his eyes, gentle and lively. The midfielder drowned in a beautiful daydream, as if seeing the the black-haired boy holding him in his wedding suit.

The blood squirted out everywhere, but he smiles.

It is such a pity that Ness has to die for Ness’s happiness.

Yeah… One can't empathize with themself who stays up late.