Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Entry 1

Between Seasons 9 & 10

Revival

September 1, 2014

My name is Rebeka Landry. I am 411 years old and I am a vescour. I have killed 10,279 people. The date of my last murder was May 16, 2012. 

I had chosen an alias- Kayley Scott, but that doesn’t matter now. Mick called me during the day, waking me up. “What?” I grumbled.

“Open the door.”

“What? Why?” I was annoyed. I went to the door to let him in. Josef was with him. They had serious looks on their faces.

“What’s wrong?” I asked them.

“Sit down,” Josef said.

“I don’t want to sit down,” I replied, immediately guarded. I had become far more argumentative in the last two years. The change to human blood had made me wild and aggressive. I was still coming off of that.

Josef and Mick glanced at each other. Josef sighed and looked back at me. “Emily Prentiss called me today.”

My eyes widened with shock.

“It’s Reid. He’s on life support. They wanna take him off.”

“Wh-what?” I breathed, barely able to get the words out. My body was strong, but emotionally, I felt like I’d been struck in the gut with a battering ram.

“She asked Josef to give him his blood,” Mick said. Josef looked down and away. After what happened to Sarah, I knew why he was uncomfortable.

“Josef, you have to!”

“No! I’m not gonna be responsible for that! I’m done meddling with human lives!” He was quick to respond.

“But it’s Spencer! I was corded to him! He can’t die!” I growled. Anger had overcome me in an animalistic way. I sped at him, but he picked me up by the throat and held me above him. “In your state, I’m stronger than you. Don’t you dare challenge me!” He snarled.

“Josef, put her down. Rebecca, calm down,” Mick chastised us, always the voice of reason in mine and Josef’s quarrels. 

Josef set me down. I looked at Mick. “Then you have to do it,” I said urgently. In my mind there was no time to waste, even though I knew Spencer was attached to a machine and wasn’t going anywhere.

Again, Josef and Mick glanced at each other. I was surprised at Josef’s change in affect. “Rebecca…we think you should be the one to do it,” he told me.

“Wh-what?” I asked. My lungs worked fine, but I found myself unable to take a breath.

“He’s yours,” Josef said. I knew he was referring to the cord.

I shook my head and tears fell. “Not anymore,” my voice broke.

“It doesn’t matter if the cord is broken or not. It wouldn’t matter to me. I will always take care of Sarah no matter what. Rebecca, you’ve been in here for two years. It’s time for you to get your act together and take your responsibility for him,” Josef snapped at me, almost angry. I was both shocked by his words, and by the fact that he was the one advocating for this.

Fear filled my face. “But I…I can’t go back. I can’t-I can’t see them,” I shook my head.

“Then don’t see them! Just save him and go!” Josef responded.

“But he’s in a hospital, Josef! I can’t go there!”

“Actually, I might have a solution for that,” Mick said.

‎🎕

We took Josef’s private jet to D.C. Apparently the shooting had happened in Texas, but Spencer had been transferred back to D.C. once he was stable. How Josef procured the prison transport van, I have no idea. We landed on a private airstrip where a vescour waited for us with the vehicle. “Uniforms are in the back, Mr. Koston,” said the vescour. 

“Thank you. You’re free to go,” Josef replied.

The man nodded and he walked away. Josef continuously amazed me with the resources he had.

Mick opened the duffle bag I’d been eyeballing on the plane. It was leg, wrist, and waist chains. Along with them were a prison hood, a hospital gown, and a silver stake. “Please, no,” I said, already having given into my fate.

Mick spoke, ignoring my useless plea. He knew we were well beyond that point. “This is how we’ll get you in and out of the building without being recognized. The chains are coated with silver. It’ll keep you weak, but it won’t paralyze you,” he said. 

“Weak enough we can keep you from doing anything stupid,” Josef remarked, a little amused by his insult.

“The stake is to keep you paralyzed while we go through the hospital.”

“Then why the chains?” I asked.

Josef and Mick exchanged looks. Josef, surprisingly, was the one to explain. “Rebecca…” He dodged eye contact for a moment. “There’s a chance that…when you see Spencer again…”

“Spit it out, Josef,” I said aggressively.

“The cord kept you from wanting his blood. You’re not corded anymore.”

My eyes went wide and my lips tightened. If I were human, my heart would have sunk into my stomach and my face would have drained of blood. I might hurt him. I might want to take his life for the first time since I’ve known him. I might want to take the life of the person I love most in this world.

I was already anxious, but now the anxiety swirled inside of me like a hurricane about to hit the coast and unleash all of its untamed power on the inhabitants.

Everyone changed. I was dressed in prisoner clothes and chained. Josef became the prison guard, and Mick dressed as a doctor. It was an hour drive to the hospital. We pulled up around the back, parking near the morgue entrance. It was late, and the backside of the hospital was abandoned. The boys opened up the back of the van where I had been waiting with the silver chains on. They were a strange sensation. I felt slower wearing them. I was beginning to feel numbness where they made contact with my body. I hoped it would be enough.

Mick grabbed the folded up hospital wheelchair and opened it. I sat down. “Open up your gown. This is gonna have to go under,” he said, speaking of the silver stake he pulled from his coat. Reluctantly, I untied the strings. Mick put a hand on my shoulder and leaned over me. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. I forced a swallow and stiffened in preparation for the impact. I nodded, signaling to him that I was ready. But you can never really be ready for a silver stake. He ran it into my core with one swift movement. My mouth fell open as the air was forced from my lungs. The silver spread from the impact point quickly, freezing every muscle, stopping the blood flow in every vein, and slowing my heart to a stop. I was frozen, with my mouth hanging open and a look of pain on my face. Mick closed my mouth and put the prison hood over my head. Then he closed up my hospital gown so no one could see what was underneath.

I could still hear everything. Mick opening some kind of electrical box and connecting wires. His fingers tapping buttons. Electricity pulsing through the wall. He closed up the box and moved in front of me. I heard the clicking of lock picks, followed shortly by Josef moving, and something magnetic moving inside the doors. Then they opened, and we were inside.

The morgue was empty of people. “The denier’s not here,” Mick said. So the morgue was unattended for the night. It would only be accessed by medical staff bringing down any bodies of those who passed in the night, putting them in coolers for the denier to deal with in the morning.

We went through the morgue and entered the real hospital. There was no one around at the late hour we had come, but the scent of the place burned in my nostrils. I was glad I couldn’t take a breath. It kept the scent from going farther into my sinuses and infecting me with the desire to kill.

We made it through some of the back halls and got onto an elevator. The doors closed, and the scent died down a little.“You know where to go?” Asked Mick.

“Emily gave me directions,” Josef answered.

The elevator doors opened.  The back halls weren’t too bad in comparison to actually being in the hospital. Scents bombarded me, despite the fact that they were barely seeping into my unbreathing nostrils. They burned with the scents of people and my throat ached after the taste of their blood. I could remember it so clearly. Liquid silk and the high that comes with it. Not only were my veins burning with the icy-hot sting of silver, it felt like something was crawling under my skin, daring me to flinch with my entire body. I couldn’t move, but inside I was moving and jerking around, trying to escape the pain of the silver and the urge to kill. Like a scene from a horror movie, the pale young girl with the dark hair and wild eyes, moving in unnatural ways and flickering in and out of your vision.

I heard Mick swipe a pass off of someone walking by. We kept going. Josef turned, and we stopped. There was a beep to my right, where Mick was, and in front of me I heard the unlocking of the doors and the whirring sound of the opening mechanism.

We were in a ward. I didn’t know what kind. My guess was Recovery. But as they had said, Spencer wouldn’t be recovering. We walked through the halls. I was acutely aware as people passed. I wanted so badly to break free and massacre them all. My dry mouth burned with the sting of silver. Imagining the flow of blood from their necks into my mouth and down my throat almost made me forget the feeling. Almost. I couldn’t move, my body was weak, and I was consumed with pain- but the urges I had were still burning inside of me like a wildfire.

 “Keep going. I’ll catch up,” Mick said at a volume only audible to us. He split off from us. I heard him talking to a woman. “Hey, could you pass me a blood draw kit while you’re in there?” Pause. “Yeah, that one.” Pause. “Thanks.” I was profoundly jealous of his ability to interact with her without temptation.

“Hey, I don’t know you. Are you new or something?” The woman asked.

“Nah, I’m just covering someone for the night.”

“Oh. Who are you covering for?” She asked. I could hear the footfalls of Mick walking backwards while he spoke to her. “Actually, I really gotta stay with those two up there, but I’ll be here all night. I’ll catch you later?”

“Yeah, sure,” I could hear the smile in her voice. It was easy to become enchanted by Mick.

He caught back up with us. “Ever a flirt,” Josef quipped. 

“Eh. I break it out when I need it,” he responded.

We came to a stop. We turned to my right. I could smell him. I could smell him, right through that door. Mick slid it open and we slipped inside. Mick took my hood off. He undid my hospital gown just enough to pull the stake. There was a draining feeling as the silver left my system the way it came. I coughed and sputtered, gripping the arms of the wheelchair for support. As I did so, his scent filled my nostrils and inflated my lungs. I felt dizzy and weak…and hungry. 

I looked up, taking in the room in an instant. The room was dark. He was attached to all sorts of machinery. Wires came from under his medical gown and attached to various monitors. Something was covering his mouth and was taped onto his face, forcing air into his lungs. I could smell the incisions and iodine all over his body, but there wasn’t increased blood flow to those spots. His body wasn’t healing like it should have been. 

It hit me so hard and fast. Tears streamed down my face. I felt overwhelmed with guilt, not only for faking my death and abandoning him, but also for what happened to him, even though I wasn’t responsible for it. If I had been there, I could have protected him. But I was there now, and that counted for something.

I wanted to go to him, but Spencer was human. And I love the taste of humans. Josef and Mick were right. I felt horrified as I realized I was tempted by his blood. 

The man I loved, I wanted to kill.

Both Mick and Josef recognized it. Mick took my hand in his and held it tightly, not as a comfort, but as a safety measure.

I needed to check Spencer’s mind, though. “Help me get closer,” I said to Mick. He pulled me up from the wheelchair and guided me to the side of Spencer’s bed. My limbs felt weak and heavy as I tried to move them. The chains weren’t heavy, but the silver made it feel like they were. Mick positioned me where I could reach Spencer’s hand, but Mick stood in front of me, blocking Spencer’s upper body from me.

I took Spencer’s hand. It was warm. I could feel his blood pulsing through his veins against my skin and I wanted it. I fought that urge harder than anything I’ve fought in my life. For him, I would be strong. I leaned my head against Mick’s shoulder, trying to anchor myself somehow.

I closed my eyes and looked into Spencer’s mind. There was nothing. He wasn’t dreaming about anything. Even in a coma, they always dream. His mind, his beautiful mind, was not active. I quickly dropped his hand, wanting the pain to stop. It hurt to hold myself back from killing him.

I turned carefully and picked up the chart from the end of his bed. Mick stood close behind me, stationing himself between my and Spencer. Josef was in front of me. Both of them were ready to move if I showed the slightest sign that I would go after Spencer. They were good friends, keeping me from twistedly killing the man I loved. What are friends for? 

I flipped through the pages of the chart until I found an E.E.G. “What does it say?” Josef asked, actually sensitive to me. 

“There is brain activity, but there’s a few pages here. It’s steadily gone down over the last few days. There’s barely-” I choked up. “There’s barely anything left of him.”

“Well, let’s get to it then,” Mick said, opening up the packages he held. He went to the counter and rifled through the cupboards until he found everything he needed while Josef took off my chains. Mick positioned a chair where I could sit near Spencer, but he would stand between us. I sat and he put the needle in my arm. He took three vials. Then he connected them one by one to the I.V. port, pushing it into his veins.

Mick drew my blood and delivered it to Spencer again. And again. Spencer had nine vials of my blood in his body. I hoped to God it would bring him back, if God ever did listen to me. I realized he probably didn’t want to hear from me, so I stopped. I begged the universe instead.

We sat. And we listened. And we smelled. I moved to sit in a chair as far from Spencer as possible. I had to be able to monitor his body without hurting him. I gripped the chair beneath me firmly, cracking into it slowly. 

My blood spread through Spencer’s body slowly. His blood pressure was already low. But my blood flowed through his brain, then through his lungs and heart, then up to his brain again, and around and around it went. I wished I could sense electrical activity in the brain, but that was beyond all of our capabilities. 

“Give him more,” said Josef. He seemed stressed. None of us knew if our blood could bring back someone as far gone as he was.

Mick and I didn’t argue. We didn’t say anything. Mick drew six more vials of blood from me and delivered them to Spencer. Again, we sat, and waited. 

I got up and checked his hand again, probing into his mind. I saw a spark of something, like the sparks that fly from a fire, but nothing else.

“Listen,” Mick said. I listened to Spencer’s body. Blood flow was increasing to the surgical sites. “It’s working,” he added. I was too superstitious to say that out loud, and I was too scared to let myself hope yet. I let go of his hand and went back to my chair in the corner. I didn’t want to listen to his blood flow for a second longer. I’d never smelled his blood in that way before. It had never been desirable to me. But I realized that his blood appealed to me greatly. Far more so than most humans. If I hadn’t been corded to him, I would have killed him a long time ago. I really would have.

Spencer’s diaphragm took more strength and his airways opened up. Josef stepped forward and delicately peeled the respirator from his face. A long tube came out of Spencer’s throat. Josef dropped it on the floor near the base of the machine. He looked at it a little until he found the switch to turn it off. 

The ventilator had left Spencer’s lungs raw. His breathing sounded strained. I looked at the monitor next to him. His oxygen level was far too low. “He needs more,” I said, referring to my blood.

“What if it’s too much?” Josef asked. I wondered if he was fearful we would turn Spencer, or leave him in a coma forever. “Let’s just wait a little longer.”

“Okay,” I said.

Again, we sat. We waited. Over the course of thirty minutes, his lungs started to heal. His oxygen levels on the screen slowly came up to normal. His heart started beating stronger. His wounds from the surgeries were healing. 

I held my breath as I got up and pulled back his hospital gown. His entire chest and abdomen was covered with incisions. It was a mess. But the skin at those incision sites looked like it had been healing for several weeks. Very carefully, I pulled the stitches from his skin. I didn’t need pliers or cutters like a human would. My throat burned as I leaned over him, so I bit into my tongue and swallowed down my own blood. Mick and Josef watched me closely. 

I cleaned up all of the scraps. Then I sat back down in my chair. My lungs hurt from holding my breath so tightly while I had been leaning over him. I grabbed at my burning throat. I wanted his blood so badly, and that was the reason for my tears that time.

After a little while, I got up to take his hand and tap into his mind again. I saw flashes of blurry images. “He’s dreaming, but it’s not cohesive,” I whispered to Josef and Mick, so overcome with emotion that I could barely speak.

We continued to sit and wait. As time passed, his dreams became clearer and more frequent. His body strengthened. After about two hours, it seemed like he was simply sleeping. He wasn’t in a coma or brain dead. Just sleeping. I was so overcome with emotions, I didn’t know how to react. I sat very still, terrified I would hurt him. My entire body ached from sitting in the room with him for that long. I was going out of my mind, I wanted to taste his blood so badly. 

I saw his eyelids move. Then they moved again. They opened and he looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t seem aware of his surroundings at all. He blinked several times and squinted. He moved his head to his left and then to his right. He couldn’t immediately see us. I was sitting across the room from the end of his bed and Josef and Mick stood in front of me to block him from me. We each watched him intently.

His fingers moved. He flexed them. Weakly, he lifted a hand to his face to rub his eyes. Mick slowly approached him. “Spencer?” He voiced. Spencer squinted, trying to focus on the person who had spoken to him.

“Mick?” He asked, surprised. Mick smiled down at him. “Welcome back to the land of the living,” he said warmly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“What happened?” Spencer asked, coming to a little more.

“You were shot. You went into a coma. You needed vescour blood, so Prentiss called Josef.”

“Is he here too?” Spencer asked. His voice was still so weak and he sounded confused.

“Hey,” Josef said, voice guarded. Spencer lifted his head ever so slightly to try and focus on Josef and then dropped it back down. I doubted he saw me seated behind Josef.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Not a problem,” Mick responded.

“You kidding? This has been a massive pain in the ass,” Josef responded, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Sorry to cause you trouble,” Spencer replied. He still sounded out of it. “How long…how long have I been…out for?” He took breaths between his words. His body was still so weak. I sat back, trying so hard not to think about how badly I wanted his blood. The blood of my Spencer.

Actually…not my Spencer. 

“Two weeks,” Josef said, like it was funny. Spencer took a deep breath. It took him a moment to respond. His eyelids hung low over his eyes. “Uh…did they ever… catch the unsubs?” He asked.

“The what?” Josef asked.

“Unknown Subject. It’s what they call their suspects when they don’t have a name or a face,” Mick explained.

“Right,” Josef said, his voice implying he thought it was weird.

“Well?” Reid asked.

“Uh, sorry. We don’t know anything about that,” Mick said.

“Where’s everyone else?” Spencer asked, trying to look around again. His head came up a little higher than it had before and his eyes wandered around. “Well, it’s three in the morning, so my guess is they’re all home sleeping,” Josef quipped. 

Spencer’s eyes looked in my direction as Josef spoke, but it didn’t look like they were focusing. He dropped his head back down. “All of them?” He asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Josef repeated like it was a stupid question.

“Then who else is here? Who’s in the room with us?” Spencer’s voice sounded exhausted. Josef and Mick looked at me. Josef held his hand out to me. I took it. Slowly, I stood. Josef let my hand go and I took a few tentative steps toward the bed.

“Who else is here?” Spencer repeated. I approached the side of the bed, holding my breath as I did so. He looked over to see the person approaching him. His face opened. His eyes lit up. His heart started beating faster and a smile crossed his face. “It’s you. You’re here,” he said weakly. He reached out to me. I stepped forward and took his hand. I was unable to resist his invitation, and I’m not sure if it was because of my feelings for him, or because I wanted his blood. “Is this real?” He asked, looking up into my eyes. 

His eyes.

And there it was. That warm feeling that at times had overwhelmed me. The intense connection to the person in front of me. That powerful instinct telling me that he is mine. My heart sped up and his slowed down, the two of them meeting in the middle and matching. My urge to taste his blood disappeared. The feelings were so overwhelming that I forgot there were other people in the room. 

Spencer and I corded again. But this time was different. It came with another feeling. That I belong to him , too.

“Yes,” I said, like the breath had been taken out of me. He tugged weakly at my hand. I didn’t hesitate to come closer. I sat on the edge of his bed. He put his free hand on the side of my face. “You’re alive,” he breathed, tears in his eyes and a smile on his face. 

“Yes,” I answered.

“It’s back,” he smiled.

“What is?” I asked.

“That feeling,” he said, as the tears streamed down his face. “I can feel you again,” he answered. He sighed a breath of relief. “You’re alive.” 

“Spencer…” I started, but I struggled to speak. 

“Rebecca, I need you to tell me something. And I need you to be honest.”

“We’re gonna step out,” said Josef. The two of them knew I wasn’t going to hurt him anymore. They could hear it in my body. Spencer waited until they were gone to speak.

“Rebecca, I need the truth from you,” he said seriously, although his voice was weak.

“Okay,” I said slowly.

“I…you know how I feel about you. And I… I know you don’t feel that way about me. Otherwise…” he choked up. “You wouldn’t have left.” There were tears in his eyes and his voice cracked. “I just need to hear you say it. That you don’t love me.”

 My heart broke. “I…I can’t…” I said, tearing up.

“Why not?” He asked as his heart beat fast and his chest tightened.

“Because I would be lying,” I spoke. His heart beat even faster. Very slowly and carefully, he sat up in his bed. I recognized the look on his face- his mind running fast as he put things together.

“Why did you join the team?” He asked me.

I was taken aback by his question. I was surprised he knew what to ask, but maybe he was remembering the first time we met and corded. Perhaps he felt it more than I had realized.

“Because I met you,” I said softly. He looked surprised. “I don’t understand how meeting someone like me could make someone like you want to infiltrate the F.B.I.,” he replied, voice still weak.

I was silent. I didn’t know what to say. “Rebecca, you weren’t surprised when I said I could feel you. I don’t know what this feeling is. But it seems like maybe you do.”

I was still silent. I knew I was going to have to tell him the last secret I had kept from him- the most important one. I was scared.

“Why have you saved my life so many times?” He asked. I took a deep breath. It was time to come clean.

“There’s something I’ve been lying to you about for a long time,” I said. He watched me intently. I continued. “I had always thought it was some old vescour myth. I didn’t think it was real. Until I met you.”

“What is it?” He asked.

“It’s called a cord. It was made to bring vescours and humans closer together; to make us more human. It’s…the stories say it happens between soul mates. It’s… it’s silly, I know,” I shook my head. He looked conflicted.

“I’m sorry, I’m-I’m making you uncomfortable,” I stammered. He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Keep going,” he said seriously.

“Um…it connects us. Lets us feel each other’s pain; each other’s emotions. It keeps us aware of each other at all times.”

“And when you…when you got blown up…it went away.” He figured out. “I couldn’t feel you anymore. That’s why I believed you were dead.”

I nodded. A few tears escaped my eyes. “It took me a long time to realize…if you could have felt the pain I experienced then…it would have killed you. When you were taken by Tobias Hankle; when he overdosed you and your heart stopped, I could feel it. But my body- I can handle that. That day at the bank, I died. Your body can’t handle that. The cord broke to protect you,” I explained.

“And just a few minutes ago, when we made eye contact, it came back,” he said. I nodded. 

“I remember when it happened the first time. I looked into your eyes and I knew you were special,” he added.

The emotion between us was thick and rich; almost tangible. He sqeezed my hand and ran over it with his thumb, glancing at it as he did so. He looked at my cold skin, hesitating in something. I could feel the pain in him; the feeling of betrayal bubbling up. His eyes came back up to meet mine.  “Rebecca…how could you leave me?” He asked. My face reflected that pain in reaction to the question.

“Spencer, I…” I trailed off. “I did something really bad,” I told him. 

He looked at me expectantly. It was like he was hanging on my every word.

“I…I…k-killed those people,” I cried.

“What people?” He asked. He wasn’t reacting the way I had thought. He looked at me intently, but he wasn’t angry or fearful.

“The-the S.W.A.T. agents. I guess…they were already dead, but that doesn’t matter. I still tasted their blood. And then I- I ki-... killed five people when I woke up in the morgue,” I confessed. “I did it again.” If I could have sobbed, I would have. “I’m addicted again.” 

Spencer sighed. 

“I’m sorry,” I told him, crying as much as a vescour could- glistening tears but nothing else.

Sadness flooded him. “A lot happens in two years,” he said heavily. “I fell off the wagon, too. I had to go through rehab,” he said softly.

“Oh, Spencer,” I said, heartbroken. “I am so sorry.”

He stroked his thumb along my cheek. “It’s okay. We’re both here now,” he whispered. “You’re here.” Spencer put both of his hands on my face and looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered to him. He pulled me closer. I wasn’t thinking about what he was doing or why. All I could think about was that he was touching me. But then his lips pressed firmly against mine. Warmth spread over my body as he cradled my face in his hands. He moved one to the back of my neck. My hands moved up to his neck and face of their own accord.

I didn’t know what I was doing, but he seemed to, so I followed his lead. It seemed to last forever. I couldn’t hear what was going on outside the room, even though I could before. My heart pounded fast and my chest felt funny. I was somehow both excited and at profound peace at the same time. 

Lawrence had kissed me a few times, but never like the way Spencer kissed me. I could tell through the cord- as he pressed his lips into mine, he was getting everything out that he’d wanted to for the five years we were together. He was finally getting what he wanted. Having the cord to tell me that brought me so much joy. I could feel him again.

He pulled his lips back from mine. Our foreheads rested against one another. “Rebecca…” he started.

“Yes?” I asked him.

“I love you,” he said, the words like clean rain, falling on a deadened desert that had gone decades without water. It revitalized and purified, bringing everything back to life.  

“Spencer,” I breathed. I said his name just to say it.

“I want to hear you say it,” he told me. “In English,” he smiled.

“I love you,” I told him, the words coming easily to me. What was the point of hiding it? He laughed and cried at the same time. I did, too. 

Spencer tilted his head and lowered his lips to mine once again. I was reminded of the moment in the B.A.U. right before we told the team the truth about me. His cheek brushed against mine and his lips were so close. Our history rewrote in my head as his lips moved gently against mine. His hands explored the back of my neck and head, the sides of my face and cheeks, cradling me gently and yet holding me tightly as if I might slip away.

My lips followed his, and I found a rhythm with him. I was somehow physically closer to him than I had ever been, even though our bodies weren't touching. Energy flowed between us and I knew it was right. This was something we had always been meant to do.

Spencer pulled back from me slowly and took one of my hands in both of his. His gaze settled on my face and I saw what looked like bewilderment on his. “I am so glad I have you again. You’re finally mine ,” he said. At first I felt relieved. Then I felt confusion, followed by fear. I tensed up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, looking at me closely.

“I…I still can’t be with you,” I told him. He looked crushed as his stomach lurched. “Why not?” He asked, struggling to keep his composure.

“I can’t…I can’t be around humans anymore. Spencer, I…when I first walked in here, I wanted to…” I couldn’t say it. 

“What is it?” He asked softly.

I lifted my hand to his face. He leaned into my touch and tilted his nose to my skin. He closed his eyes as he breathed in deeply. I showed him a vision of what had happened when I walked into his hospital room- that I had wanted to kill him; that he was more appetizing to me than most humans.

I wanted to kill him.

I pulled my hand back from his face and he opened his eyes. He looked horrified. “It was physically painful for you to do what you did. Rebecca, you’ve never held yourself back from something that tempting to you. Ever.and you did it for me.” He was awestruck. I looked at him deer eyed, having no idea what to do or say.

“Rebecca, we corded again. That’s why you’re not tempted by my blood anymore. Rebecca, it’s safe.”

I shook my head. “No, Spencer. I can’t…. Being around you means being around humans. And I…” My voice broke. “I’m a killer, Spencer. How can you not see me for what I am?”

He was quiet for a moment. “I can fix that,” he said with a low but determined voice. I held a confused look on my face. It was obvious I didn’t believe him. “Rebecca, I can separate you from the killer inside of you. I can see that right now. But…I’m gonna find you a cure.” He saw a goal clearly in front of him and there was no changing his mind. More tears streamed down my face. I shook my head. “Spencer, that’s impossible and you know that,” I told him.

“No, it’s not impossible. Rebecca, you’re back, and I will never let you go again.” He started to sound panicked. “You can’t do that to me. I can’t go through it again. Please don’t make me do it again.” I couldn’t understand his extreme reaction. “O-okay,” I answered. 

“Promise me,” he pressed firmly. I hesitated. I had to prepare myself to say it. I could never leave Spencer again, and I was about to make that vow. “I promise I’ll never leave you again,” I said softly. He sighed, releasing a load of tension with it. 

“Lay with me,” he said. He moved as far over on his bed as he could. He lied down on his back and I slipped in beside him. I had to be on my side in the small hospital bed. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled my head onto his chest. His other hand moved up and down my arm. He was so warm. “Seem familiar?” He asked.

“Yes, it does,” I smiled.

“Je t’aime,” he told me. 

“Je t’aime aussi,” I replied.

‎🎕

Spencer moved beside me, waking me up. “Sorry,” he said.

“No, it’s okay,” I replied. The lights were off, but light leaking through the curtains dimly lit the room. 

“Good morning, sleepy heads,” Josef said loudly from the chair in the corner.

I glared at him. “What time is it?”

“Seven,” he answered. I sat up as I recalled the events from a few hours ago. I quickly looked at Spencer. “You kissed me,” I stated, concerned.

“Yeah…,” he trailed, not following.

Josef whistled a cat call from his seat, pumping his fist. I ignored him. “Spencer, you have my blood in your system,” I told him. His face went white. “Wha- no, I-I thought it was Josef’s,” he said.

“Nope,” Josef said, smug and thoroughly entertained. Spencer looked back at me. “That means-”

“-try not to die in the next eighteen hours,” I replied.

“Uh, yeah, okay, got it. That guy trying to kill me is locked up, so I should be fine.”

“ What ?” I reacted.

“Did I not tell you that?”

“No, you did not tell me that!”

“Well, Becca might eat him if he was here, so you’ll probably be fine either way,” Josef smiled. I growled at him. Spencer looked at me with concern in his eyes. “Is it really that bad?” He asked. He had seen inside my head once already. He knew the answer. He just didn’t want it to be true. I looked down and pressed my lips together as I nodded my head. “Yeah,” I said softly. He signed and rubbed my leg to comfort me.

“Gross,” Josef said. I shot him another glare.

“Where’s Mick?” Spencer asked.

“He’s on the phone with Beth,” Josef said. Spencer paused. “Uh, Josef? I’m starving . Would you go get me some food from the cafeteria?”

Josef glared at me. “You owe me. Again,” he said.

“I know. I’ll make it up to you when I’m there for Sarah,” I whipped the response back at him.

He ignored me. He got up and left the room. “Who’s Sarah?” Spencer asked.

“That’s for Josef to share,” I said.

“I understand,” he answered. He took a deep breath. “I should call Hotch. Let him know I’m awake.”

I stiffened next to him. He looked at me with a soft expression. “It’ll be okay,” he said.

“Spencer, I would have to leave. I can’t-” I cut myself off. “I can’t be in this tiny room with them,” I pushed out. He looked sad. “Spencer, I don’t even know how to tell them I’m alive. Let alone that I- that I killed seven people.”

“I’ll be with you,” he said. That wasn’t helping my fear. I shook my head, terrified.

Mick entered the room. “Morning,” he greeted. “Beth’s okay with it if I’m out here a little longer, but we need to figure out what we’re gonna do.”

I looked at Spencer. “I don’t want to leave you, but…there’s nowhere I can go. I need to be isolated.”

“You could stay with me,” he said. I shook my head. “You live in an apartment building. I’d be surrounded by humans.”

“Rebecca, I know you want to stay with him, but considering how hard it was to get you here…” Mick trailed off and shook his head.

“What if you bought a house here?” Spencer asked. “Somewhere along the backcountry area; isolated.”

“Would you be okay on your own?” Mick asked me. I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said.

“I still need to call Hotch,” Spencer said. “Where’s my phone?” We looked around, but couldn’t find anything. “You can use mine,” Mick said.

“We’ll need Garcia to cover our tracks,” I said. “I can’t compel anyone without-” I cut myself off abruptly and swallowed. I still couldn’t say it.

“I’ll ask him to let Garcia know,” Spencer said. Mick handed Spencer his phone and he dialed Hotch.

“This is Aaron Hotchner,” he answered, not recognizing the number.

“Hey, Hotch,”
“Reid! You’re awake!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m awake,” Spencer smiled.

“Tell Josef thank you,” Hotch said.

“A-Actually, about that-” I shook my head at him. “Uh, Mick’s here, too,” Spencer said, covering for me. 

“Okay. Have the doctors seen you yet?”

“Not yet. But when they do come, we’re gonna need Garcia to…uh, ya know. Fix things,” Spencer alluded.

“Alright, I’ll give her a call. Keep me posted. We all wanna see you. ”

“Yeah, sure. Bye,”

“Bye, Reid,” Hotch said. I could hear the smile in his voice.

Spencer handed the phone back to Mick. Spencer looked at me. “Since I have your blood and saliva in my system… I’d feel a lot more comfortable if you were with me for the next eighteen hours,” he said.

“Yeah, me too. But that means…I’m going to have to see them, and I can’t- I can’t see them,” panic was present in my voice.

Mick spoke up. “Not necessarily. We still have to get you out of the hospital the same way you came in. I can stay with Spencer. You and Josef can go house shopping,” Mick said.

“Okay, yeah,” I said.

“So you’ll stay then? Long term?” Spencer asked.

“Uh…I’ll own a house here at the very least,” I answered. Spencer sighed, realizing he would have to take that answer for the time being.

 Josef walked in with food. “We’re leaving,” I told him. I was eager to get out of the hospital.

“Finally,” he responded, setting the food down on the table. 

“I’m gonna stay with Spencer to make sure he doesn’t die in the next eighteen hours. You and Rebecca can leave,” Mick said.

“Right,” Josef said. He looked at Spencer. “Just couldn’t help yourself, could ya?” He quipped, referring to the kiss. Spencer smiled sheepishly. “Pretty girls. They’ll ruin your life if you let ‘em,” Josef quipped. All three of them chuckled.

Mick pulled the chains out of the bag. “That’s how you got in here?” Spencer asked. I nodded, embarrassed. Mick went to put them on me, but Spencer stopped him. “Wait,” he said urgently. “Come here,” he told me. I did as he asked. He took me in his arms and held me as tightly as he could with the limited strength he had. “I love you,” he almost whispered to me.
“I love you too,” I replied. The words had such a weight behind them, like a blacksmith’s hammer coming down on metal and solidifying it into shape; into history. Our history. This was something that had been building for so long and it had finally happened.

He let me go and I went back to Mick. He put my chains on and handed me the hood. I sat down in the wheelchair. Josef pulled out the stake. “You ready?” He asked. That time his voice was more business and less asinine.

“As I’ll ever be,” I said, putting the hood on. I caught a glimpse of Spencer’s face just before I pulled it over my eyes. He looked horrified.

Josef drove the stake into my gut. My face contorted into the twisted shape of pain and I was glad Spencer couldn’t see it. Josef adjusted my hospital gown so the stake wouldn’t be noticeable.

He wheeled me from the room and through the hospital. I focused on Spencer’s heartbeat for as long as I possibly could. I was holding onto it, not wanting our time together to end. But I knew he was coming to see me. He was coming back to me.

The hospital was just as miserable as before. The scents of humans filled my nostrils and my throat ached. But the silver kept me from moving a muscle. I could only feel the numbing, burning pain of the silver in my stagnant blood, and that was a good thing.

We made it out to the parking lot where Josef loaded me into the back of the van. He pulled the stake out but left me in my chains. I lied on the floor recovering from the pain while he drove us several miles away until he found a quiet area to pull over. He came to the back and took off my chains. He turned around while I changed back into my regular clothes. Each limb through a hole was a strain. I trembled through my movements and my core ached as it healed from the stake. 

Josef called someone on the phone as I changed at the speed of a measly pace of a human. “Hey. I need you to find me a house for sale in the- what’s it called again, Rebecca?” Josef asked.

“Chopawamsic Backcountry Area,” I told him.

“Chopawamsic Backcountry Area,” he repeated into the phone. “Damn, that’s a mouthful.”

“Yeah, gimme one sec,” the man on the other end of the phone said. Josef turned around when he heard I was done changing.

“Alright, that’s actually not too hard. There’s only four up for sale.”

“Send ‘em to me,” Josef said.

“Sent.”

Josef hung up. He looked at his phone. Wanna go check out some houses?”

“As long as we can ditch the prison van, sure,” I said, rubbing my tingling wrist.

Josef made a few phone calls. Eventually, someone in a heavily tinted sports car pulled up. We traded vehicles. I didn’t ask Josef about how he managed it. I didn’t care that much.

We drove out into the backcountry area. Two of the houses were on the side I needed, so we only looked at them. We picked the locks to get in. One of them was larger and the other one was smaller. It wasn’t much of an option to be picky about floor plans. “I guess I’ll take the smaller one,” I said.

“Nah. Take the five bedroom. You could make an art studio, music room, whatever,” he said. “I can send a contractor out to make whatever changes you want,” he shrugged.

“I don’t particularly want to pay for that,” I responded. He shrugged. “I got it. It’s no big deal.”

“Careful there. It might start to look like you want me to be happy or something.”

“Right. I better be careful,” he replied. He took out his phone and called the same guy, asking him to buy the house. “Make it fast. Let’s go for a quick deed. Offer the homeowner an extra fifty if you have to,” Josef said.

“I hope that’s your fifty,” I said. Josef waived his hand at me nonchalantly.

“You want me to reach out to your title company?”

“Yeah, have ‘em expedite it,” Josef said. They hung up.

“You own a title company?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“You’re surprised?” He asked. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Nevermind.”

“Let’s go home. I’m tired of Virgina,” Josef said. I nodded. 

I called Spencer on the way to the airstrip to let him know. “When are you coming back?” He asked immediately.

“As soon as we have the house bought and furnished,” I answered. “We’re trying to move fast. But maybe a month? Buying houses isn’t a fast process.” 

He sighed. “Okay. Just…stay in touch.”

“Of course,” I said softly.

“They’re letting me go,” he said.

“Oh, thank goodness!” I replied. “Did Garcia get everything to go away?”

“Yeah, actually. She even managed to keep them from adding me to a study.”

“Good,” I chuckled.

“So, uh…everyone’s gathering at Rossi’s tonight to celebrate,” he said.

“Oh. Sounds fun,” I said awkwardly.

“Yeah, uh, Prentiss is in town,” he said.

“What do you mean ‘in town’?”

“Uh…shortly after you…died, I guess, she took a job at Interpol. Well, running Interpol. With Clyde Easter,” he explained.

“What?”

“Yeah. It uh, it wasn’t very easy. To lose someone else. Again,” he answered.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I replied.

“I can’t lose anyone again. Rebecca, I want you to stay here with me. I need you to stay here with me. Buy a house. Stay isolated over the next while. I’ll drive out and see you. And when you’re strong enough to be around humans again, you can come back.”

“Back to…the team?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“What if that takes years?” I asked him.

“You’ll still be here. You can still see all of us. You can have your family back.”

The words resonated within me. I teared up. I wanted that more than anything else. “I think you can do it,” he said.

“We’ll see,” I said softly, not believing it. How could they even accept me back after what I did?

“Rebecca?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,”

“I have to go, but I’ll call you later,” he said.

“Yeah, okay. Bye,” I replied. 

“Bye.”

‎🎕

Josef got a call after we had landed in L.A. It was well into the night and we had just gotten back to my penthouse. I listened to the voice on the other end of the phone line. “Alright. The title is already paid off. Title guys should be done in about two days. We just gotta get a hold of the owners,” the man told Josef. “Okay. You know what to do.” Josef hung up the phone and looked at me. “You are sooo lucky,” he told me.

“Maybe the universe likes me. God certainly doesn’t,” I responded. He laughed.

“It’s not the universe. It’s me. Give me credit where I’m owed!”

“You’re saying you like me?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Oh, God no,” he said in a disgusted tone. “I can’t stand you.”

“That was fast,” I interjected.

“That’s because it’s genuine,” he said, although his actions certainly suggested he was lying. “No, I’m saying I’m good at what I do and I deserve credit for it. I’ll have this deal locked down in two weeks!” He bragged.

“Josef, you almost make me not want to validate you.”

“Kiss the ring or give up the reward,” he taunted smugly.

“Fine. You’re good at what you do,” I gave in through gritted teeth. He smiled. “And thank you,” I added, reluctant but genuine. And that time I saw a tiny break in Josef’s facade. His arrogant smile cracked just a little. Just enough for me to see what was on the other side. Something genuine.

“Call him,” he said, and that time his voice was softer. His guard was down. With his next words, I understood why his voice had changed. He was thinking about Sarah. He really did understand what it was like to be separated from the person you’re corded to. “Have him come spend the week here with you. He needs monitoring while he heals anyway. It’d be a good time for you to catch up.” 

I looked at him carefully. My skills as a profiler would be Josef’s downfall. I understand him better now than I ever have. 

I nodded. “Okay.”

And then it was gone again- his sensitivity. He could never show it for long- any kind of understanding or empathy, or any emotion deeper than the pleasure of feeding from a willing donor. 

I studied him with my eyes. He knew I could see through his act. With Mick he was okay with it, but for some reason, when it was me, it made him squirm.

“Well, this is boring. Have fun.” He turned on his heel and swaggered off, swinging the door shut behind him and locking me in.  

I wanted to call Spencer, but I knew he’d be asleep. I called Mick instead.

“Hey,” he answered.

“Hey. How is he?”

“He’s good. Just sleeping. He seems…happy. But it’s more than that. Can’t put my finger on it though.”

“I have my guesses,” I told him. 

“I’m sure you do.”

“How is he physically?”

“A little weak. He says he still has some brain fog. He’s pretty exhausted. I have a feeling he’s gonna sleep for a long time. He’s already worn out from the party.”

“Party?”

“Yeah, Garcia got everyone together to celebrate at uh…what’s his name…Russo?”

“Rossi.”

“Right. Yeah, everybody went over to Rossi’s house for drinks after Spencer’s discharge.”

“That sounds…nice,” I said awkwardly.

“If you like that kind of thing,” he answered. I could hear the shrug in his voice. I hoped he’d gotten to know them better and didn’t hide in a corner most of the time. “They’re great people though.”

“Yeah, they are,” I replied, thinking about what I had lost. I missed them so much.

“I can see why you love them so much.”

“They were my family.”

“Spencer seems to think you can have that again.”

“I don’t know if I believe him,” I replied. Mick paused. “I think it’ll take time, he told me.”

“Maybe. Listen, I called because I was thinking he should come stay with me out here. Josef says he can have the house purchased in two weeks. I have my doubts about that, but someone should really keep tabs on his healing, and it would give us some time to catch up. He’s gonna have some P.T.O. anyway after his discharge.”

“I’ll talk to him in the morning. See if we can get out of here sometime tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Mick. For everything.”

“You’re welcome. I really don’t mind.”

“You’re a breath of fresh air after Josef.”

Mick laughed. “Try not to worry about him too much. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Talk to you later.”

-Rebecca Richards