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The polished wooden door of Jungwon’s bedroom looms over him, as if warning him not to pass through. The key in the door clangs relentlessly against the metal lock it has been inserted into. He looks down in annoyance before realizing that it is not the key shaking, but rather his hand gripping it. He lets go, hastily wiping the sweat from his palm onto his pants - as if there is someone around to judge his fear. But fear will not be enough to stop him today. The silver key rubbing harmlessly against his skin is enough to remind him of what he must do.
Fear, violence, and darkness - he and his brothers had never known these things. But now…now everything has changed.
He must change it back.
Without giving his mind enough time to process the action, he twists the key in the lock and pulls the door open - just enough to slip out. His body tenses instinctively in anticipation of all the things that may await him; but the only thing that greets him is a dark, empty hallway. He exhales. Other than the violent beat of his heart against his chest, there is complete silence. Against his better judgment, he feels a drop of hope seep through his veins. He takes a step forward, letting the tips of his fingers finally fall away from the door handle. With newfound initiative, he leaves behind the safety of his bedroom for the first time in days.
Maybe it’s because he has grown up in this house that he easily moves through the shadowy corridor. He wonders if the familiarity of the structure might serve as an ally in this moment. But as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he starts to realize that this is no longer the warm, welcoming home that lives in his memories. The multi-colored sunshine that once streamed through stained glass windows is now hidden away by black, tightly-drawn curtains, the only source of light now a few faintly burning candles here and there. The pastel portraits that had decorated the halls have been knocked from their places, now replaced by haunting rips in the wallpaper. He freezes at the crunching of broken glass beneath his shoe. Hesitantly, he looks down. A broken vase lays scattered across the floor. He begins to sidestep it, but one of the shards catches his attention. The glass is not clear; glossy red completely coats the tip. His stomach sinks as he suddenly notices the trail of crimson that stains the carpet. He feels his legs grow weak. He stumbles across the mess and just manages to catch himself against the wall, trying to calm his beating heart.
He’s not sure when it changed, but as his breathing settles, he realizes the complete silence from before is no more. A haunting cry comes from another part of the mansion. At first the sound is stifled - like choked sobs desperately being held back. Why can’t it stay like this? Gradually, the soft crying becomes wailing, and before long, screaming. He jumps as the sound of shattering glass cuts off the piercing shrieks. For some reason, the image of a mirror being punched is the first thing that comes to his mind.
Jungwon is not unused to these sounds. In fact, they have been his only companion for the last few days, the only assurance that he is not alone here and the things he has experienced are indeed real. But what has existed up until now as a muffled noise through his bedroom door now takes a different form, echoing evocatively through the halls as a message only for his ears. The realness of it rattles him. What have his brothers had to experience every day since that night? This torture that only Jungwon has been spared from? And why? It’s not as if he is innocent in any way. He was the one to find that book in the top shelves of the library, to get everyone interested in the ‘mystical ancient cave of the woods’. They were so bored, stuck in this mansion with emotionless caretakers - anything sounded exciting. Why couldn’t they have just been content? They knew they would not be allowed in the woods alone, so Jake suggested sneaking out. Jay and Sunghoon were against it initially, and easily could’ve stopped the rest of them; Jugwon was the one to convince them. Soon they were running through the trees, enjoying fresh air and moonlight and what they were sure was true freedom. Heeseung was the first one to find the cave. Ni-ki was the first to enter, no sign of fear to be found in his curious eyes. Unable to be outbraved by the youngest, the rest of them eventually followed. After all, it’s not as if there was actually anything mystical about it.
This is the last thing Jungwon remembers telling them. The last thing before Sunoo’s horrified shriek came from shadows he had run ahead into. All their lights immediately turned to him. Jungwon only got a glimpse of Sunoo’s hand against his neck, blood running through his fingers, before his cry was drowned out by a swarm of flying, screeching creatures. Bats, Jungwon now knows. The cloud of black swallowed them in seconds. He dropped his light in favor of covering his ears and blindly ran towards the entrance. He stumbled back into the forest and dared to open his eyes. The sound of the bats finally faded, but his brothers’ screams did not. He looked up just in time to see Jake tackle Heeseung to the ground, teeth bared. The unmistakable image of teeth piercing flesh was enough to inject the impossible situation into Jungwon’s head. Suddenly he forgot about their adventure. He forgot about his brothers. All he knew was that he had to get away. So he ran.
He abandoned them. Left them to turn on each other as he went free. Even if they all came back to the same place in the end (for where else would they go? This is the only home they know), Jungwon is the only one free of punishment. Why? There can only be one reason why.
He is the one that must save them. And for that he must go to the start. To the beginning of this tragic mistake. To fix this, he must find that damned book.
He swallows the bile that came at the sight of the glass mess and precariously continues down the blood trail, keeping his eyes focused on the door at the end of the hall. The library. He is halfway there when another noise instinctively causes his feet to stall. It’s not quite crying. More like a…whimper. The voice is soft, almost to the point of inaudible. But more than that, it is young. Child-like. Jungwon prepares for it to evolve into more screaming, but it never does. Yet it becomes louder. Almost as if it is…
“H-hyung…”
…getting closer.
Jungwon turns around. At the other end of the hall, a gaunt figure stands in the center of the entrance. Even from here, it is easy to see the tears in their oversized shirt, the tangles in their unkempt hair, the tear streaks on their pale face. From their hand, a teddy bear hangs by its arm. Its face is splattered with dark blood.
“Ni-ki…”
Jungwon’s only younger brother stops whimpering and lifts his head. Ni-ki’s black eyes lock with his. His blood red lips part.
“Run.”
His haunting warning still echoes through the air as he suddenly disappears from Jungwon’s vision. He staggers back in surprise, tripping on the carpet and falling to the ground. He wastes no time scrambling to his knees and facing the door once again. He can hear Ni-ki’s light footsteps behind him, and he desperately climbs back to his feet, clumsily bursting into a sprint. He just needs to reach the library. If he can just get inside, he will be safe.
His shoulder slams into the heavy door. As he fumbles for the doorknob, he risks a glance behind him.
He cries out as his back slams against the door. His wrist twists painfully, but he manages to keep his grip on the knob. Ni-ki’s hand presses Jungwon’s head to the side, leaving his neck exposed. A flicker of nearby candlelight reveals unnaturally sharp fangs in the boy’s open mouth.
In a spasm of unusual strength, Jungwon thrusts his free elbow into Ni-ki’s stomach. For some reason he expects the whine of a wounded animal; the cold reality of a child’s pained cry douses him. But he continues to shove him away, unreacting even as the boy crashes to the floor. He wrenches the door open and tumbles inside, deliriously kicking it closed again. Bloodthirsty snarls and fingernails against wood once again become nothing but muffled noises. Jungwon jumps to his feet and turns the key in the lock. Only then does he allow himself to breathe. He collapses against the door, sliding to the ground as a cough begins to rack his body. He rubs his neck protectively, although it is still completely smooth. Outside, the sound of Ni-ki’s struggles begin to fade.
Something soft brushes against his skin. He looks down to see Ni-ki’s ratty teddy bear leaning on his thigh, its corduroy eyes staring up at him innocently. Trembling, he takes the toy in his hands and holds it up. It has certainly seen better days. Cotton bursts from ripped seams, and one of its ears is missing. But most sickeningly by far is the matted ring of dark blood around its fur throat.
Suddenly, its beaded eyes are no longer innocent, but cry out to Jungwon with a silent plea for help.
His throat tightens as quiet tears begin to spill down his cheeks. He shuts his eyes and holds the bear hard against his chest, forgetting its gruesome nature. He imagines Ni-ki, or any of the others, in its place. What will happen to them should he fail today?
No. It’s no use entertaining such possibilities. No matter what happens, he will not abandon them again. He feels resolve settle in his heart; somehow he knows that today will end with them together.
Dark intuition overshadows his hope. Yes, they must be together. The question is…
At what price?
Reluctantly, Jungwon lets go of the bear and pull himself off the ground. For the first time since entering, he takes in the library. The windows here are still strictly covered, but unlike the hallway, this room appears to have been untouched. Everything has been left exactly as it was since that night.
Warily, he crosses the oriental carpet, hugging himself against the draft that fills the air. The ticking of a single grandfather clock on the wall is the only thing to break the silence here. He passes by it and arrives at his desired destination. He stares up at the rows upon rows of faded books, which reach all the way to the ceiling. A wooden ladder waits invitingly at the end of the row on the right.
With a shaky breath, he grabs the highest rung he can reach and begins to climb.
It doesn’t take long to arrive at the top shelf. He remembers the exact place he first found that mysterious book, thick and worn and unable to be ignored between two forgettable beige spines. His fingers scan the row, his eyes working hard to find what he’s looking for without the help of daylight. Finally, he recognizes one of the novels that guarded their precious book. He reaches for what should be waiting beside it.
His hand finds nothing but empty space. His heart stutters, and he pulls back. This can’t be right. He checks again. Surely enough, between two forgettable beige spines, is a dark gap. No worn cover. No mysterious book. No means of salvation.
Impossible. This is impossible. After making sure Sunghoon had copied everything about the cave down, Jungwon put the book back in the same spot to avoid suspicion. No one knew about it. No one has been in here since that night. No one, except–
A sudden noise echoes through the room, and Jungwon almost falls off the ladder. As he regains his balance, movement near the window catches his eye. With apprehension, he lowers himself back to the ground.
The movement near the darkened window continues, and Jungwon finds his feet frozen in place. His breath hitches as a form silhouetted beyond immediate recognition emerges from the shadows. His mouth runs dry at the reminder of the locked door on the other end of the room. The form continues forward until nothing but the oriental carpet stands between them. In the soft candlelight from the center table, the lurking figure’s features are finally revealed. His transformation from the last time Jungwon properly saw him sends a violent chill down his spine. His once tanned skin from hours spent in the sun has turned ghostly pale. A crumpled white shirt with unmistakable maroon streaks hangs from gaunt limbs, and bloodshot eyes peek threateningly through a disheveled raven black fringe. But most disturbing of all are pink lips - at one time always drawn in a warm smile - now curled back in a snarl that shamelessly reveals two pure white fangs.
“Sunoo?” Jungwon forces out. The name brings with it a nearly unbearable dose of sorrow, and he almost hopes that he has misidentified the person before him.
Sunoo does not respond. Instead, he silently advances toward Jungwon. Jungwon tries to step back, but all too soon his shoulders press against the bookshelf. Sunoo continues unforgivingly, eyes never leaving his brother’s. Jungwon’s nails dig into polished wood as his breathing becomes more shallow. He forces his weak knees to lock.
Sunoo is only a meter away when he suddenly stops. Unlike Ni-ki, he seems to have some level of control over his actions. Jungwon jumps as Sunoo throws a heavy object on the floor before him, sending a menacing echo pulsing through his ears. But as the shock fades, he finally notices what is at his feet.
A book. The book. Jungwon looks back up at Sunoo, some of his terror now replaced with bafflement.
“I know what you’re trying to do.”
Jungwon shivers at the sound of his brother’s voice, hoarse from disuse - or relentless screaming. He opens his mouth to respond, until he realizes he has nothing to say.
“It won’t work.”
“What?” This time Jungwon’s response is immediate. Little by little his fear begins to fade, replaced by confusion, frustration, and growing despair. He moves away from the shelf. “What won’t work? Why?”
He watches as his older brother’s fists curl into tight balls, as if his line of questioning has angered him. “That book. It got us into this living hell, and now you think it can get us out. But you’re wrong.”
“I…” Jungwon’s voice disappears. What is Sunoo saying? The book is the key to ending all of this. It has to be. “No, you can’t…”
“What do you think I’ve been doing ever since that night? I’ve checked every page, read every line of that wretched thing. There’s nothing .”
Agony grips Jungwon’s heart so suddenly he winces. His eyes tremble. Everything inside him fights Sunoo’s words. They can’t possibly be true. All he had to do was make it to the library. If he could just find the book, he could save all of them. That’s how it was supposed to be.
“Did you really think you could just fix this?” Sunoo continues. “That what has happened to us could simply be undone? Ni-ki never stops screaming. Heeseung doesn’t sleep anymore. Jake has destroyed everything in his room, and when he bleeds, he drinks it .”
Jungwon’s throat tightens, and he hates himself for being able to clearly imagine the scenes Sunoo describes. He silently begs him to stop here, but it seems he is far from finished.
“Yesterday Sunghoon tried to slit his own throat. Jay only found him in time because the silver knife burned his fingers.” Sunoo’s voice drops to a whisper as he clearly holds back tears.
“When I look in the mirror, there’s nothing there .”
Jungwon shakes his head desperately, unable to accept Sunoo’s words. His wide eyes search him for some sort of sign, something that will prove his brother wrong. “No,” he chokes out, lips trembling. “No, there has to be some other way–”
“Don’t you understand?! There is no way! ”
His knees finally fail him; he falls to the floor. A piercing headache hammers his skull, and he frantically holds his head between his hands. Tears fall freely on the wood beneath him.
Sunoo’s words echo relentlessly even though he has since fallen silent. They hurt - badly. They hurt because of the way he had screamed them: angry, hopeless, and broken. They hurt because they convey the pain each of Jungwon’s brothers have been suffering without him.
But most of all, they hurt because they are true. And Jungwon realizes that he’s known them to be true for a while now. But he ignored it - denied them in a false hope that there would be an easy way out. That he would be able to avoid the final cost of his mistakes. But in the end, all he’s done is prolong the suffering.
There is no way . There is no way for him to save them. For him to pretend that he is still a part of this family when all he’s done is abandon them and hide from them. There is no way for him to save himself.
There is only one thing left to do.
“Bite me.”
His eyes are trained on the book, but he can hear the wood planks creak underneath Sunoo as the boy shifts his weight. A moment of silence passes.
“What?”
Jungwon looks up at him. His hands shake on top of his lap, and he brings one to his neck.
“Just do it,” he says in a small voice, his wide eyes unable to stray from Sunoo’s.
Sunoo looks horrified. “That’s not what I…” He doesn’t move, as if waiting for Jungwon to take back his words. But Jungwon has made his decision. He knows what he has to do.
Sunoo finally seems to understand that his younger brother is serious. Hesitantly, he closes the space between them and kneels down in front of him. Tears continue to run down Jungwon’s cheeks, and he notices they have also begun to stream down Sunoo’s. Sunoo’s hand hovers centimeters away from Jungwon’s skin, as if he is afraid to touch him. His dark eyes quiver with uncertainty.
“Jungwon…” he murmurs.
“Please, hyung,” Jungwon breathes. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
Sunoo’s lips part again. Jungwon closes his eyes. This time, he doesn’t imagine Sunoo’s sharp teeth as he tilts his head and brings them closer to his throat. Instead he only pictures the kind smile that is essential to Sunoo’s character. When Jungwon senses warm breath on his neck, all he hears is Sunoo’s whispered words of apology. And when two fangs puncture his skin, all he feels is the tight embrace that immediately follows. He returns it with equal power.
From now on, nothing will be the same. Jungwon thinks of what his brothers have suffered, and he knows that the same awaits him. Even if it all passes eventually, there are other things to consider. Their status will be impossible to retain. Their life, a challenge to continue.
Many might call his decision a foolish one. Perhaps it is. But sitting here - bleeding in the arms of his brother - he knows it was the only one.
Jungwon’s tongue runs across two perfectly tapered canines without contempt. They are nothing compared to the idea of betraying the only ones in this world that truly matter. Endless days and nights he has spent alone, desperately trying to find a way to fix things. Pleading when no one was listening. Crying when no one cared. But his tears would never have been enough. In the end, he has only one thing of value to offer. He offers it freely now, allowing the blood from his throat to gush without challenge. His tears are easily lost in the crimson torrent. After all…
Blood is thicker than water.