Chapter Text
Shen Qingqiu pulls himself out of his meditation as the air in the cave vibrates. He opens his eyes and stands up just as he hears a yell come from somewhere in the cave system.
Of course, just as he was close to breaking through the bottleneck in his cultivation, someone has to ruin it. Of course. At this point, it must be fate that he is not meant to get to the next level.
He listens and follows the sounds of yelling, and the walls of the cave shake as he gets closer.
Entering an open area of the cave, he is met with the sight of Liu Qingge, slashing his sword at the cave walls mindlessly. A qi deviation.
Shen Qingqiu had not yet had time to react before Liu Qingge noticed him and lunged in his direction. He barely dodges the sword that was aimed for his chest.
“Liu Qingge! Get a hold of yourself! You’re qi deviating!” Shen Qingqiu shouts, leaping backyards.
Liu Qingge had a perfect cultivation foundation and had never experienced a qi deviation before. If he was to continue like this, he would eventually destroy himself. Shen Qingqiu needs to do more than dodge his wildly swinging sword.
There was no sign that Liu Qingge had heard Shen Qingqiu’s shouting. He continued to lunge for Shen Qingqiu, Cheng Luan aimed to kill as his target continued to dodge, just barely. Shen Qingqiu tries to think. He’d never beaten the War God in a spar and he wasn’t going to be able to win a fight against him today either. He needs to wait for an opening and get close enough to touch the other so he could transfer some qi to him.
Shen Qingqiu tried not to summon Xiu Ya but he was already being forced into a corner. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt Liu Qingge. Relenting, he summons his sword and does not even have time to pull out the blade before he has to use the sheath to block Liu Qingqiu’s strike. Pushing the blade to the side, he leaps away again, giving himself time to pull out his blade properly.
With another wordless shout, Liu Qingge attacks again. With the help of his sword, Shen Qingqiu is able to better defend against Cheng Luan but that’s all he could do in the face of a mindless War God, the current best fighter of the cultivation world aiming for Shen Qingqiu’s heart.
Eventually, Shen Qingqiu is able to find his opening: Liu Qingge had just missed his head and his sword got stuck in the stone. Shen Qingqiu thrusts his hand forward and lays his palm on the center of Liu Qingge’s chest, pushing cooling qi into his burning meridians.
Finally, Shen Qingqiu thinks, he has succeeded.
But before he could take another breath, Liu Qingge pulls his sword out of the stone and immediately stabs it toward Shen Qingqiu. He just manages to react before a fatal blow could be dealt, and the sword sank into his shoulder instead of his heart.
How? He knows that he was transferring qi just a second ago, so why hasn’t Liu Qingge paused his attack? Shen Qingqiu groans in pain as the sword is pulled out of his shoulder.
“Liu Qingge, you need to control yourself before you kill us both!” he shouts in complaint, leaping away again while putting pressure on the bleeding hole in his shoulder.
Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know how to fix this if qi transfers won’t work. He can’t think properly with this mind numbing pain consuming half his focus. It hurts. Why does Liu Qingge always hurt him?
He’s wanted to befriend the man since their disciples day but all he could get was their sparring matches. He could never tell if Liu Qingge was serious or not about those, so he preferred to play it safe and stop the fight before Cheng Luan’s blade got too close to his skin, using what Liu Qingge called “dirty tricks.” If that is all their relationship could be, he will take it. That is better than nothing.
Liu Qingge stalks towards him with rage in his eyes. Shen Qingqiu can’t remember a time when he’s ever seen a smile on Liu Qingge’s face. If it had been anyone else here to help him, would he react the same way and try to kill the person, or is he not calming down because the person is Shen Qingqiu?
Breathing in ragged gasps, Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know what to do. His body is getting too exhausted to fight much longer and his only plan has failed. He can’t even find it in himself to raise his sword at the approaching threat. He’s given up.
“Liu Qingge… I don’t want to fight anymore,” he admits quietly, tears forming in his eyes for reasons he can’t explain.
Instead of being killed by Cheng Luan right then and there, he’s slammed to the floor. It hurts. He’s crying now, tears running down his cheeks as he sobs. His faulty cultivation is going to cause the death of not only himself, but he is unable to save Liu Qingge as well. He really is as bad as everyone says he is. So unworthy of being on Cang Qiong.
He can feel his qi becoming more disordered but he still uses their close proximity to put his hands back on Liu Qingge’s chest and transfer his qi. Liu Qingge punches the side of his face but he doesn’t react. Another punch to the same side. Again. Something cracks. Hot blood is pooling in his ear. He continues to transfer qi, uncaring of how he is running out. It doesn’t matter, if Liu Qingge has a chance to live. His life doesn’t matter, if Liu Qingge has a chance to live.
Liu Qingge is the best of their generation, the War God of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. He needs to live and protect the sect. He’s a noble with a good education and honor to his name. How could Shen Qingqiu possibly compare? He’s a runaway slave with scarred meridians that has lost count of the number of people he helped Yu Wanzi kill. He is a jealous scum that offends people just by walking into a room. Everyone would mourn Liu Qingge’s death, but they’d celebrate Shen Qingqiu’s. So, Shen Qingqiu doesn’t hesitate to give all his qi to the man that has stopped punching in order to choke him.
He wishes things could have ended differently. He wishes they had started off on a better note and not the inter-sect sparring competition. Liu Qingge had been a much better fighter than him, despite being three years younger, and Shen Qingqiu had admired him for it. They had fought in the competition against each other and Shen Qingqiu had feared that Liu Qingge was close to actually slicing his neck, so he instinctively threw dirt into the other's eyes and that’s when everything went downhill. That mission with the well only worsened their relationship, to the point that Liu Qingge never trusted him after that, never turning his back to him again. But it was all fine, Shen Qingqiu had convinced himself. He dreamed that Liu Qingge would one day see through the rumors and ask him for the truth, then he could confess everything and resolve their misunderstandings. They would fall in love and have a humble wedding, maybe at the Liu Estate that Shen Qingqiu had heard was quite beautiful.
If Shen Qingqiu had been able to save him, maybe they could start over and salvage their relationship. He knows his dream is a naive, unrealistic one, one so incredibly stupid it could never come true. Even so, is it not human nature to want to be understood? To love, and to be loved in return? He wants to be human too. Shen Qingqiu knows he is a cursed thing, meant to be the lowest of trash, an evil, selfish creature clinging to life.
But he wants to be loved too.
As his vision darkens around the edges, he gives a weak smile, still pouring his qi into the War God’s chaotic meridians. He thinks he is going to pass out just as Liu Qingge stops pressing on his throat and he is allowed to take a desperate gulp of air into his aching lungs. The air burns his lungs as he struggles to remain conscious.
Liu Qingge faints suddenly, toppling over to the side of Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu forgets the pain in his body, scrambling to get upright and drag himself closer so that he can make sure Liu Qingge is still breathing.
He is. Shen Qingqiu breathes a great sigh of relief, slumping as the tension leaves him. Liu Qingge has survived. It’s over. Shen Qingqiu didn’t fail someone for once in his life.
Even though he feels lightheaded, they can’t both pass out, so he shakes his head and gets up. He needs to bring Liu Qingge to Qian Cao for immediate treatment.
He barely has a drop of qi left in his meridians but he retrieves Xiu Ya and drags Liu Qingge’s heavy body onto the sword with him, flying out of the cave system. Qian Cao isn’t too far away and they make it there quickly.
Shen Qingqiu stumbles off the sword with Liu Qingge in tow. The disciples are bewildered by his appearance but he just yells at them to bring Mu Qingfang to him. He can’t make it inside to a patient room, it’s taking all his strength to stay standing.
His vision is getting hazy but he can see Mu Qingfang coming towards them. Finally.
As the healer gets close enough, Shen Qingqiu starts talking, his voice hoarse, “Mu-shidi, he was in the Lingxi caves qi deviating so I—
The man in his arms is pulled out of his grasp. He stumbles but manages to stay standing.
“Shen Qingqiu!” He’s being yelled at. Huh, Mu Qingfang is usually pretty mellow. “I can see all I need to know about what happened. I’ll take him from here.”
Mu Qingfang is already taking Liu Qingge away. He’s shouting orders at disciples who scurry to obey. Shen Qingqiu’s arms are empty. He feels cold. Everything hurts.
He should have expected a reaction like that. After all, he’s shouted in public how he will kill Liu Qingge one day. He should have known what it would look like, bringing an unconscious Liu Qingge to Qian Cao with blood on his robes. They must all think it’s Liu Qingge’s blood.
He’s tired. It hits him all at once, the exhaustion, the blood loss, the pain. He’s obviously not welcome to stay on Qian Cao, so he leaves, using the rainbow bridge to walk back to Qing Jing. If anyone happens to see him, he doesn’t notice, only focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
Sliding the door to his bamboo house shut, he faints and falls to the cold, dusty wooden floor without any grace.