Chapter Text
awesome art of Ray & Gee by @cemeteryseth on Twitter!!!! Thank you so much for drawing these cuties, you made my freakin’ year!!!! 🖤
Leather jacket, fur trim, the loose tee shirt with the tag cut out— specifically, the dark heather grey one with the angel soft texture inside— and those almost-black jeans that go just the right length past the ankles, they thought as they carefully weaved through bodies to get to the line and the menu at the coffee shop across from the college. Shouldn’t be a problem, but the shoes. It’s the ankle boots. They’re too tall, it’s lifting the jeans, the air is touching my ankles. Fuck, they cursed to themselves and tried to get on their tiptoes to see over the tower of a man in front of them. He was blocking the entire menu with a head full of long, tight coiled curls.
Iced cold brew, three pumps vanilla, two shots espresso, yes I’d like extra cream, they recited internally. Same order every time, but the menu was always visible and Frank was usually there. And their ankles weren’t usually a different temperature than the rest of their body, and they didn’t usually have red eyeshadow on when this many things weren’t going to plan. Mascara suddenly felt cakey around their eyes, and all of the different fabrics touching them were increasingly noticeable.
Gerard pressed up onto their toes again and barely got their eyes over the tall customer’s shoulders before rolling their ankle and narrowly avoiding collapsing against his back with a quiet, “Ah, shit—“
”Oh! Sorry, I was in your way, I tend to forget that everyone else isn’t six feet tall,” the curly haired man chuckled. His voice was higher than Gerard would've expected, and familiar enough that they momentarily forgot about the onslaught of sensory hell. “Let me just— Gee? Gee Way?”
Gerard’s cheeks burned at hearing their name from a stranger’s lips until they glanced up with a shaky gaze to see that they did recognize the other patron.
”Mhmm,” they mumbled, nervously. “That’s me, you remembered? I mean, Gee?”
The man nodded and offered a warm smile before patting Gerard’s shoulder softly.
”Yeah, ‘course. It’s important. Do you remember me?”
Gerard flinched at the touch and nodded sheepishly, running through the Rolodex in their mind to find the face and the name until, ding, it’s a match.
”Ray,” they smiled a little wider as the memories flooded through, despite the crippling overstimulation of those stupid boots. “Ray Toro. I couldn’t forget if I tried.”
”I really, um,” Ray blushed a little and his eyes darted from Gerard’s face down to their feet. “The makeup— it’s a really good look.”
“Thanks, it’s— Well, actually, I don’t usually like it so bright, but I just like this color,” cold ankles, cold ankles, cold ankles. “Sorry, could I just— I need to order, but it's so loud.”
Ray’s face dropped and he stepped aside more, fully showing the menu from behind the wall of his curls and shoulders.
”What do you usually get? I think people are just milling around, I could order.”
”Iced cold brew, three pumps vanilla, two shots espresso, yes, I’d like extra cream,” Gerard blurted and then sucked their lips into a tight line. “Sorry, I was repeating it in my head, I didn’t mean to snap. It’s a complicated one.”
Ray snorted out a quiet laugh and smiled, turning to the counter and half-stepping up to the register.
”Hey! I’ll take a large coffee— hot, black, three sugars, no cream. And my friend’ll have an iced cold brew, three pumps vanilla, two shots espresso, and they’d like extra cream, please! Thank you!”
Gerard just shifted back and forth on their feet and bit their lip, chewing a semi aggravating piece of skin. They couldn’t order without stuttering on a good day, so it was almost infuriating how easy it had been for Ray. They’d been somewhat close in high school, not that that was so far back, but not close enough to keep up after graduating, despite the fact that Gerard had had a colossal crush on him. They weren’t sure if Ray had really cared much for them in return or not, but it did strike them that he remembered they’d started going by Gee back then. They’d told a few people, mainly their brother and Frank, and the two of them had filled in the outer circle. Apparently that had consisted of Ray Toro, at some point, which shouldn't have been that surprising.
”Thanks,” they winced as they ripped the skin off their lip and Ray made a face. “My ankles are just, like, really fucking weird right now.”
Anyone else would’ve politely exited the train wreck conversation, but Ray just nodded and pursed his lips like he was really thinking.
”So, what? Like, the feeling is just uncomfortable or something? Why don’t we sit and you can fix them,” he pointed to a corner seat that was decently far from the indecisive customers. “I’ll listen for the orders while we wait.”
Gerard nodded tentatively and followed him, their gait suffering from the wildly uncomfortable breeze around the bottoms of their jeans. They sat and folded themselves up to reach the cuff of the jeans and try to stuff them into the boot awkwardly and managed to successfully fix the left leg, but the right leg gave them more trouble. Ray obediently listened for the order, but as Gerard struggled, he glanced down and absent-mindedly lifted Gerard’s foot up to his knee and folded the edges of the boot down with a strong grip, gently pressing the jeans in.
”Err,” Gerard croaked, their body feeling like ice and fire at the same time. “Th—That’s okay. Please.”
Ray dropped their foot quickly and looked apologetic, his face drooping like a scolded puppy.
”Shit,” he shook his head and tsk-ed. “I’m so sorry, I forgot. Completely. I know you don’t like to be touched and all.”
Gerard shook their head and awkwardly switched to a nod part way through, sliding their feet back as far as they could under the chair and almost invisibly rocking back and forth.
”No, no, it’s okay. I mean, I hate being touched most of the time, but you were trying to help. It’s okay,” loud, loud, loud, loud. “It royally fucking sucks in here today.”
”It’s busy, I’m sure everyone’s waiting on the orientation just like— Actually, is that what you’re here for? Orientation?” Ray’s face lit back up and his smile beamed something like a sunny hopefulness at Gerard, who just nodded with their bottom lip still sucked in. None of the things that usually earned questioning looks and cocked heads really seemed to phase Ray if they were even registering to him at all; Gerard honestly couldn’t tell.
”Me too!! No way! Are you living on campus?!” Ray’s curls bounced around his face as he talked, and Gerard remarked to themself that it reminded them of a dog’s ears. They shook their head again and managed to hide the sigh of relief when they heard Ray’s name called for their order. They bounced up behind him as he went to pay and take their cups, but he swiped his card so fast that they didn’t even have time to fumble with their wallet before he’d grabbed both orders and merrily started on his way to the door. It was as cute as it was mildly infuriating that he seemed to act as if no time had passed between the last time they’d seen each other at all.
”Th—Thanks, but you really didn’t have to pay, I could’ve,” Gerard started, barely able to keep up with Ray’s long stride. Their shoulders relaxed as the entrance swung open and the sounds of the overfilled coffee shop got sucked backwards into the vacuum of closed glass double doors.
”I know,” he shrugged, handing Gerard’s cup to them as they walked. “I just figured you’d rather get out as fast as possible. Do you have any, like, noise canceling headphones or anything?”
“Yeah, usually, but they’re with Frank at home.”
Ray’s face changed in a way that Gerard couldn’t immediately identify, and when he spoke, his voice sounded different, too. Quiet, defeated, downtrodden; adjectives weren’t the issue, reasoning was.
”Oh, you guys live together? How long has that been going on?” Ray pressed and Gerard just defaulted to their usual process of elimination— answer as objectively as possible and wait for the other human to finally start making sense.
”Hm,” they thought out loud. “I mean, since right after school, really. We moved out pretty fast because Mikey was starting classes straight out of high school and he didn’t want me home alone with Mom. Figured I’d just never start college if I stayed.”
”I just didn’t expect it, that’s all. I didn’t get that vibe or anything in school, but then again, he was so much younger than us. I guess I didn’t really know him all that well,” Ray shrugged again, shaking his shoulders this time as if he was wiggling away from a thought. “That’s cool though, I’m happy for you.”
”Thanks, I think. I mean, he’s fine and all, but he’s fucking annoying. He has so much energy,” Gerard whined. “I can’t keep up, especially when he wants to stay up all night. I’m too old for that.”
Ray raised his eyebrows and shook his hair out of his face before glancing back at Gerard with his face screwed up.
”Alright,” he cocked his head. “That’s… Kind of a weird thing to say. To me.”
“Oh. Okay. Sorry. It’s just,” Gerard hadn’t mastered realizing what things meant please stop talking about that yet. “He’s so loud. It’s gotta piss off our neighbors, I would think. I mean that’s the first thing Mikey told us about apartment living; gotta respect the neighbors. I dunno.”
Ray finally stopped walking and fully turned around to face them, his face looking closer to angry than confused now.
”Okay, noted. Frank’s a noisy fuck,” he spat. “I don’t really wanna know what he’s like in bed, Gee. Last I knew him, he was still, like, a kid.”
Gerard stared at his face while they calculated their misstep and tried to recalibrate before it hit them like a truck and they burst out laughing. It was a loud, ear-shattering laugh; Ray jumped at first, but couldn’t help but crack a smile at the ridiculous wheezing.
”Ah, shit,” Gerard caught their breath. “No— Man, no. Sorry. We’re just roommates, we’re not together. I’m really sorry, it’s not so easy for me to pick up on things sometimes. He’s only eighteen, that’s gross.”
”All good. And thank god,” Ray smiled wider and chuckled. “I guess I probably should’ve figured that if we hadn’t even mastered ankle-to-hand contact yet, you definitely weren’t telling me about your bedtime routines.”
“Yeah, that’s like a whole new tier,” they sniffled and giggled again. “I haven’t even, like, done any of that either, so I wouldn’t have anything to share, anyways.”
They realized quickly enough that it was probably weird again, but Ray just turned to hide his blush and went back to walking, so they left well enough alone and followed him again. He was so tall that they had to do a half-shuffle half-jog to keep up a conversational distance.
”So, what about you? Will you be on campus?”
Ray nodded and didn’t look back, but Gerard could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke again.
”Yeah. Think so, at least. It’s cheaper, I just wish I could sleep alone,” he sighed. “Not like— I mean, I don’t mind sleeping with someone, just not some random stranger who I’ll probably hate. Or who’ll just hate me.”
The school was just a couple blocks away. Still early by my count, Gerard thought, glancing at their watch. Works for me.
“Oh, well, Frank would love to see you,” they piped up. “You should just sleep on our couch or something. We have a spare room, too, it’s just small.”
”Gee, I dunno if you should just offer up someone else’s apartment,” he snorted. “I appreciate it, though.”
”It’s my apartment, actually.”
”Oh,” Ray turned back to offer some kind of apologetic and pleasantly surprised expression. “I just figured— I don’t know. You work?”
“Yeah, I work at Barnes & Noble with Mikey,” Gerard continued, not even registering why Ray seemed caught off guard. “Sorting books and stuff. I actually really like it. I barely have to talk to anyone.”
Ray held open the door to the building once they’d gone up the two flights of stairs out front and Gerard took a wobbly step in, bracing their hand on the door and accidentally grabbing Ray’s. It felt warm and strong under their fingers, but the unexpected touch still made their skin crawl and they yanked away. He didn’t react, just followed behind and let go of the door. Gerard wasn’t sure if they were meant to dismiss Ray and free him from being stuck in their presence or if he was there by choice, but they just nervously paced left to right, looking for anything telling student’s where to go for the orientations.
“I’m here for film and stuff, editing,” Ray piped up, pointing to the right with a thumb over his shoulder. “So I think it’s thattaway for me.”
“Art, writing, I guess that’s here,” Gerard nodded to their left, the opposite hallway. “So this is goodbye. It was nice to see you, Toro.”
Ray nodded solemnly and turned with a small wave, the click of Gerard’s boots going in the other direction making his chest feel like a sad metronome. Click, click, click… Click… Click… The steps slowed and Ray slowed his own strides, his ears perking for any signs of hesitation. They could just be at the door, he thought, but it was too much of a magnetic pull to write off the possibility. He turned and his face felt hot when Gerard was stopped in the middle of the hallway, arms straight down at their sides with their hands balled in fists poking out of the fur cuffs of their black coat.
”Hey, Gee,” Ray projected his voice a little too much and it echoed back at him. “Would you… Can I give you my number?”
Gerard stood frozen, teetering on their feet and on the question. Yes meant that they’d have to play the human game of balancing the delicacies of friendship and romance and everything in between; not that they were even considering anything past friendship, anyways, because that remained off the table as far as they were concerned. No meant Gerard could walk away, go to orientation, go to class every morning with their exact same coffee order, go to work on time, and never wonder what anyone else was doing at 2:30 in the morning when they drew countless comic pages and wrote stories about any life other than their own. The second option was the most comforting to consider. Horror movies with a half asleep Frank Iero on the couch, kicking them and mumbling in his sleep, and the dim glow of a lamp lighting their book or comic or tabletop magazine. That could be their next 364 nights if they just walked away.
”You don’t have to answer,” Ray’s voice rumbled much closer to them now than it had before, their thoughts outweighing the quiet sound of his footsteps coming closer. “I just really think I’d like to see you again.”
Frank’s voice droned in their mind, you need to talk to more people, Gee, or you’ll never do any of the shit you wanna do. Don’t you want to… I dunno, kiss someone? Show people that actually get you all the comics you’ve drawn and worlds you’ve come up with? Go shopping with someone for vintage tee shirts and shit? Mikey and I can’t be your only friends.
“What happens if I say yes?”
Ray, fully behind Gerard, cocked his head and thought to himself. What would happen if they exchanged numbers? He’d text them once or twice, and there’d be typos because of the stupidly small letters on his blackberry, and they’d probably just read his messages and go on about their day. He imagined their day consisted of— Well, maybe that wasn’t a conducive rabbit hole to go down right now. Something involving see-through nightgowns and feathery robes, and a dirty room with crumpled papers all over the floor.
”I wait for you to call me,” he decided. “It’ll be pretty pathetic, actually. I’ll just stare at my phone for hours and pout all day. I’ll probably even act out the different phone calls in my head and then forget it all when you actually call.”
”Well, that’s honest,” they bit their lip to stop a smile from creeping from cheek to bright red cheek. “I hate phone calls, though.”
Ray threw his head back silently and rolled it so far to the side his neck could’ve split. Why was talking to them as hard now as it had been in school? They always seemed indifferent to him and his presence or lack thereof, but he’d never been able to shake the mild obsession that had grown over the time they’d had classes together. It was made worse when they added Frank to the mix, who was the type to make any and every situation about himself in ways that managed to be endearing although frustrating. Ray hadn’t been as close as he would’ve liked with Gee until he met Mikey, who made it his life’s work to get Gerard more active about making friends. And god had he tried. Ray followed them around and would carry books or pick up dropped papers and pens with an obvious and pitiful excitement that they never noticed— or just chose to ignore. He wasn’t sure, but at least now, it was starting to lean more towards “didn’t notice”. He could work with unnoticed.
“Gee,” he nudged the very edge of their jacket, just enough to get them to turn. The whole scenario felt like a teenage romance novel and he almost wanted to smack himself in the face and turn around and go to the classroom alone to shed the shame, but he smiled and put his hands in his pockets. The curve of Gee’s nose and their vibrant, smudged eyeshadow was all that was visible above the fur hood of their jacket, their body still facing away. Sun shining through the doors made their eyes light up from all different directions. “Can you just say yes? And text me?”
”Yes,” Gerard’s blush had inched up to the tip of their nose, and they were only half sure it was covered by the furry mess that was tickling their cheeks. The jacket was their only buffer from the insanely bright warmth from Ray standing behind them. “I’d like that.”
Much to Ray’s dismay, the hallway was painfully Gee-less when he darted out of the room after his new professor had stopped talking. He scanned for their greasy black hair and fur jacket through the sea of people to no avail, and he couldn’t pick up any hint of the clicking heels anywhere. His phone buzzed and it felt like it shot out of his pocket into his hand with how fast he grabbed it, just to roll his eyes at Frank’s name being the one on the display.
”What?”
“No hello? Damn,” Frank chuckled. “I hear you’d like to have permission to date my son— err, daughter?”
Ray pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and massaged the headache that started to tease his temple.
”I saw them at the coffee shop,” he corrected. “And we are literally almost half a decade older than you, Frank. We’re friends. Barely acquaintances at this point.”
”Well, that’s not how it sounded,” he joked. “They haven’t shut up about it. They’re scared to call you.”
”Well,” Ray sighed. “I’m not holding my breath. They weren’t interested then, I don’t know why it’d change now.”
“What do you mean? They were obsessed with you, dude,” Frank scoffed. “We thought you didn’t like them.”
”What?!” Ray realized he was shouting, his hand flying out from his face and waving wildly in the air. “What do you— I was obsessed with them! I followed them around everywhere, all the time!”
”I dunno, they were whining that they felt so awkward because they thought you were making fun of them in school,” he explained. “I think they— I mean, Ray, you know the deal. They don’t, like, pick up on shit. They probably thought Mikey put you up to it, wanted you to look out for them.”
”Well, tell them they’re wrong. I was head over heels,” Ray snapped. “Which you knew, shithead. So what’s your fucking deal?”
”Okay, rude,” Frank mocked. “I told them I didn’t think you were making fun of them. I said that they were probably just being stupid, and that I was pretty sure you had a thing for them.”
”Don’t call them stupid, Frank,” Ray bit back. He didn’t have many pet peeves, but that had always been one of them.
”You know that I’m not saying it like that,” he sighed. Ray could hear the eye roll through the phone.
“Do they know? Frank,” Ray stepped outside finally and started his walk back to the coffee shop, first. “If they can’t even tell when someone likes them, do you think they know that they’re not really stupid? If you say it, they don’t know that it’s not okay for others to say it.”
”Yeah, okay, okay,” he mumbled. “Anyways, what a wild way to reconnect, huh? Gerard being in public, and talking to someone. Kind of a miracle.”
”What’s the deal with that, anyways? Is it still Gee?” Ray caught himself still scanning for that furry, black jacket and shook his head. “And how’d they get home so fast? I only just got out.”
”They don’t seem to mind either way,” Frank thought for a second. “I think you should stick to Gee, though. Being fine with both sounds like they’re just trying to make it easier on everyone. They left because they had, like, a small episode. They’re fine, though.”
”Why? What happened?” It didn’t get any less concerning as the years passed; Ray had always felt annoyed that Gee was treated with such casual disregard. He’d always imagined it had to be hard to function so differently from everyone else, but be treated normal, like it was just a silly quirk. Admittedly, he did find it incredibly endearing, but he didn’t let that distract him from the fact that it must’ve felt lonely. It had been his mission in school to coddle Gee at every turn, but they were hardly around enough to do anything, really. A twinge of guilt hit him when he remembered grabbing their ankle earlier. That was the kind of help they’d imagined back then, too, but it hadn’t really seemed bad until now. Was he infantilizing them by wanting to be able to ease the stress of all of the overloaded motor functions, or was it genuinely helpful?
”Just overdid it,” Frank replied, the click of a lighter and the crackle of a burning cigarette sounding like familiar music to Ray’s ears. Between Frank and Mikey, he’d heard it through a cell phone speaker many times. “I shoulda’ gone with them today, but my stomach was acting up bad.”
“So it’s still hard for them,” Ray slipped around the corner and leaned against the building, the bustle of the coffee shop dying down. “I feel bad, I grabbed their leg. Idiot.”
”Oh yeah,” a smirk was audible in Frank’s tone. “I heard. Actually, I think you’d be pleasantly surprised with what they had to say about that. Anyways, I gotta dip, they’re coming out of their room, see ya!”
”WAIT, Frank—“
Click.
Ray yanked his arm up like he was going to chuck his phone, but gripped it tight and pretended to smash it against the wall in slow motion, blowing out a long held breath. Frank was already the least reliable source possible, but now he would do anything to hear the end of that sentence. What did Gee say? Whatever it was, “pleasantly surprised” was enough to ease the anxiety, so Ray’s mind was instead filled with the overwhelming thought that he should’ve gotten Gee’s number, too, because he wished he could call. Even a poorly typed text would quiet the constant thoughts reeling in his mind. Mostly, he just wanted to know that they really were okay.
Bowling For Soup was right, he thought, high school never ends.