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Danny lets himself out onto the lanai. It's a little after 3am, the tide is in, waves lapping high up on the shore just beyond the wooden walkway. There's a soft cool breeze that drifts over his skin and it's comforting, washing away the heat of his nightmares that make his body sweat and limbs twitch. He settles into a lounge chair, taking a long drink from the glass of water he's brought with him, condensation seeping into his fingertips.
It's been a long time since his nightmares have been so vivid and he can still feel his heart beat hard in his chest from when he woke. He stares off into the distant point of the horizon, the moonlight reflected in the dark mirror of the ocean beyond. But his breath comes uneasily and he feels like if he just turns his head a little, there, in the corner of his eye, the stuff of his dreams will become all too real.
He knows of course things won't ever be like they were before. Victor Hesse is dead and with him, the sick, twisted mind games he used to control and manipulate his life. But so soon after his broken sleep, the uncertainty lingers.
"Danny?"
For a moment his breath catches in his throat and his fingers tighten around the glass before he relaxes just as quickly. He'd left bed in hopes of not disturbing Steve, it wasn't fair to break his sleep just because he was having a bad night.
"You okay?"
A hand settles on his shoulder as Steve moves around him, sitting on the edge of another lounge chair beside him. Danny breathes and nods, turning to look at him.
"Couldn't sleep," he lies, feeling guilty as soon as the words leave his mouth. He fell asleep wrapped around Steve, feeling safe and content like every night. It's what came afterwards that pulled him from that slumber.
Steve doesn't say anything, just waits for further explanation and Danny blinks and looks away over the ocean again. No matter how safe he feels or how long ago his experience with Victor, sometimes it's like it was just yesterday and he feels a pull for that life Victor had created for him.
"I was back there again," he admits quietly. "In my room."
In the white room with one window, bright lights overhead, bed against one wall, small table and chair in a corner and a screen on the wall. Like an old familiar his knees tingle, an old ache he can't shake off. He'd been there, on his knees, waiting for something. And it had felt right.
He feels rather than sees Steve move closer, sitting on the edge of his lounge chair now, thigh bumping against his as his hand comes to rest on his chest.
"You okay?" Steve asks gently, hand rubbing over his clammy skin in a small circular motion. "You want to talk about it?"
Danny licks his lips, his mouth feels dry and he lifts the glass swallowing down past the tightness in his throat. Steve doesn't rush him to talk, he never has. They've both learned it's a slow process, dealing with his recovery. It's been over a year but some things still niggle at him at times.
There's more to the dream - he'd been in his room and then, he'd walked down an empty hall and found Victor in his. He never sees Victor fully in his dreams, always at an angle or in shadows. Sometimes he notices the tallness of his stature or the blondeness of his hair and his dreams are so vivid he can remember the feel of Victors's touch on the back of his neck or the possiveness of his kisses. But he never sees him fully, he's just a ghost of a man who haunts him in his dreams.
That was why he'd woken, the dreams didn't often wake him or un-nerve him, but it had been months since he'd dreamt about sleeping with Victor. He's been surprised he hadn't woken Steve when he'd jumped awake, skin drenched with a cold sweat, his breathing heavy, skin prickling with nerves and yes, fear. He'd felt claustrophobic in their room and had escaped downstairs for water and fresh air.
It's taken a long time for him to talk to Steve about the more intimate side of his relationship with Victor. At first he'd only spoken to Al, a friend and great help in his recovery, a therapist skilled to deal with his particular situation. He can't remember when he'd begun to fully confide in Steve and there are times he still finds it difficult being that honest, but Steve hasn't ever shown anything but support and love even when he's listened to the stories Danny has to tell.
"It's been a long time since I've dreamt about being with him," Danny admits, turning to look at Steve again. He feels vulnerable, that after so long Victor still has a hold over him. Because how he felt in the dream, that old familiar feeling of 'Daniel' that he can't quite seem to shake.
Steve lifts his hand and cups his face, the look in his eyes one of understanding and an underlying hint of anger. At Victor and what he did to him. What he did to them both. He frowns, his brow scrunching at the bridge of his nose.
"You're cold, come back inside," Steve says in concern, his voice low even though it's just the two of them and the ocean listening in.
Danny is suddenly aware how the breeze has cooled him and Steve's right, he feels cold, like the wind has washed away the scorching touch of his nightmares. He gives a small nod, watching Steve stand and moving to follow, Steve's hand taking his and guiding them both inside the house again. It's dark, neither of them had bothered turning on the lights as they'd made their way through the house to outside. Only the moonlight shines through the blinds causing strange shadows in the kitchen over the counters and table. Danny sets the half drunk glass of water on the counter as Steve locks the door behind them. He isn't sure if he'll get back to sleep and hovers uncertainly, there's a fear that once he closes his eyes he'll be back there again.
He feels Steve move close behind him and leans back instinctively into the embrace as Steve wraps arms around his waist and presses his mouth against the back of his neck.
"I don't want to go back upstairs yet," Danny says quietly, thinking maybe he'll crash on the couch instead, hoping to nap until daylight comes, banishing nightmares to the darkness.
"Okay," Steve agrees, the words whispering into his skin. Danny shivers as the tingle moves down his spine. This, this feeling he could dream about every night, happy and contented.
He closes his eyes and lets out a breath when his minds eye doesn't jump straight back to the memories of his dreams. Instead he concentrates on how Steve's fingers dig just right against his skin to hold him as his mouth trails kisses along the back of his neck and over his shoulders. Steve pulls at him and he moves, turning as they cross the small space from sink to table and the back of his thighs hit the edge, Steve's hands steadying his hips. He lifts his face to look at him, Steve watching his reactions carefully.
"This okay?" he asks, not wanting to provoke memories or push too hard. His hands rest at Danny's hips and his thumbs rub circles against his softer flesh there, just above the waistline of the pyjamas pants he'd pulled on getting out of bed.
"Yeah," Danny says, pulling him closer, suddenly desperate for more and Steve doesn't hold back. He kisses him hard, pressing against him as their mouths connect. Danny clutches onto him, fingers digging into Steve's back and dragging against his skin.
Steve pushes at his pants and he shifts his hips away from the table enough for Steve to slide them down to mid thigh, before his hands trail around to his ass, kneading with a gentle rhythm. Danny senses it coming, readies for it as they move together, holding onto him as Steve lifts him onto the end of the table, stripping away the pants completely. Danny takes the moment to breathe and watches as Steve straightens up, slotting in between his open legs as he pushes at the waistband of his own pants, down over slender hips.
Danny reaches up and rests his hands around his neck, one carding into Steve's hair and resting there gently. Steve pauses and settles his hands on his open thighs, looking at him with a deepness that makes Danny's breath hitch in his throat.
"You sure this is okay?" Steve asks again, fingers rubbing up and down his thighs. Danny looks at him with questioning eyes, wondering at Steve's uncertainty. "After your dreams -."
Steve starts but doesn't finish and Danny understands. Dreaming of sleeping with Victor, the things they did together and the memories of feelings those dreams recreate, well it's hard to shake their effects. Most of the time they talk it out, but this, Steve reminding him who he belongs to now, that's he's with someone by choice not because he's under some weird mind control- it's nice to be reminded so physically.
Danny breaks into a smile and pulls him closer, looking him in the eye. It's dark but both of them are growing accustomed to the dim moonlight lighting their way.
"After those dreams I need this to remind me what's real," Danny assures him, sitting straighter, mouth seeking more kisses. "Steve."
The word comes out with a pleading tone and Steve doesn't make him wait any longer, kissing him again, long and lingering, mouths settling against one another and tongues curling against one anothers. Steve presses in close and Danny wraps his legs around his waist as Steve pushes, leaning him back at an angle, reaching out a hand to rest against the table, the other tight around Danny's back for support. Their cocks are hard between the bodies and Steve sets a gentle rhythm of his hips without disconnecting, their mouths moving against one anothers, muted, muffled sounds of pleasure lost in the connection.
He keeps it slow and steady and for a long time Danny clutches onto him, desperately swallowing down on the kisses he bestows and feeling his chest tighten from the lack of oxygen and the pleasure Steve is creating for the both of them. Eventually he has to give in to the need for fresh air and pulls away, tipping his head back to suck in deep breaths, feeling his chest press up against Steve's every time he breathes in. Steve's mouth sucks at his neck, teeth grazing the curve of his throat and Danny doesn't hold back on the breathy moans of enjoyment escaping him.
"Danny, fuck," he hears Steve whisper before he pauses, pulling back and it takes Danny a moment to realise he's moving away. He's reluctant to let go, but Steve gives him a promising look and squeezes his hips gently before Danny gets with the program and uncurls his body from Steve's frame. He leans back on one hand and takes the moment to settle his breathing, body zinging with energy and pleasure, watching Steve as he moves to the counter and slides open the second drawer, fumbling right at the back for something. It takes a few seconds and Danny feels impatient, cock bobbing freely in the air but he knows what's coming will feel even better.
Steve comes back to him quickly, already smearing lube from the tube he's found over his fingers. He takes little time to warn Danny before his fingers seek entry. With one hand he edges Danny closer to the edge of the table and Danny leans back with both hands for balance as he feels slick fingers at his ass hole. He remembers to breathe and relax, feeling a finger slipping inside and that familiar feeling of being prepped by his lover. Steve's free hand still rests at his hip making small circular motions that have become as familiar as all his touches and Danny sighs before letting out a small gasp as a second finger joins the first with meaningful pressure.
Steve's fingers press in and probe back and forth, waiting for muscles to submit to the pressure, scissoring and opening him up in preparation.
"Mmm fuck," Danny sighs, putting his head back and enjoying the feeling and the anticipation of what's coming.
Steve's fingers pull free and he's left without touches for a moment as Steve greases up his palm and smears the lube over his cock. Danny braces himself more against the table when Steve's hand settles on his thigh, guiding his cock to rest at his hole. Danny is taken by surprise by the quick entry, the way Steve's hands grip into his thighs and hold him steady as he pushes in with one, even motion. He doesn't pause until he's deep inside and Danny is gasping silently, mouth slack, fingers scraping against the grain of the table for support.
Steve gives him a moment before he begins thrusting, slow and steady movements of his hips making sure to slide his entire length in and out of him. Danny gapes and arches his back, letting out a desperate long 'fuck' on an exhale of breath. It's just what he needs, how he needs to be taken, how he needs to be reminded that he's in a better place now. That Victor is a mere shadow banished to non-existence in the light of Steve's presence in his life.
When Steve's fingers curl around his cock he cries out desperately. Steve knows the exact pull and pressure to drive him half crazy with need and it's all he can do to lock his elbows before he collapses back on the table. He gasps and groans, unable to muster up many words as he lifts his head to watch Steve so in control as he fucks him. Steve just stares back at him with a dark intensity and Danny knows every moment of this is Steve banishing memories of Victor back into the corners of his mind where they can't haunt him any more.
"Steve, please babe, please," Danny begs with slurred words. It's all too much and not enough. He wishes they could go on forever but his pleasure outweighs that wish, he can feel his orgasm pooling in his hips and thighs. Steve doesn't make him wait much longer, Danny can feel it in the way he fucks him, chasing his own end as his hips pick up the pace and his breathing breaks from concentration.
Steve's hand jacks him off quickly and Danny squirms uncontrollably as hand and cock force him over the edge. His hips are moving with Steve's rhythm when suddenly he stills, back arching as he throws his head back, suddenly lost in brightness, eyes shut tight as he feels his body flood with a sudden tingling energy. He's saying Steve's name over and over like a mantra between stuttering breaths and feels Steve's hand holding his twitching cock as he empties out over his fingers, wetness hitting his stomach.
Steve's other hand is tight on his side, pulling his body against him with every thrust and Danny grunts and gasps as Steve's thrusts quicken, hearing him moan and yell out as he snaps his hips forward, burying deep into him as he comes. He rolls his hips and thrusts sharp and quick as he comes inside him and Danny breathes harshly, feeling everything with a hiss of sensitivity.
Steve pulls out carefully and Danny pushes up towards him, arms sliding around his back now slick with a sheen of sweat from the exertion. He clings on, pulling Steve close, feeling his chest rising and falling heavily with his breath as he blindly seeks out his mouth for more kisses of comfort. Steve's hand slides through his hair, holding him steady as they kiss gently, breaths evening out and bodies relaxing in the soft energy of their lovemaking.
Steve pulls away to rest his forehead against his, Danny reluctant to lose the closeness of his hold, fingers gripping tighter in case he tries to pull away further.
"Come back to bed," Steve whispers quietly and Danny feels a flurry of nervousness in his stomach, chest tightening for all of a few seconds. Steve's fingers tighten a little in his hair, pulling to encourage him to look up at him as he moves back an inch so they can look each other in the eye. "He can't hurt you any more. Come back to our bed Danny."
"Just a few moments more like this," Danny slurs through a sudden surge of emotion. He pulls Steve close, burying his face into his neck and swallows down on the lump suddenly lodged in his throat. Steve holds him gently as bliss begins to make his limbs feel heavy, body sated for now.
When Steve finally pulls away Danny doesn't resist, Steve taking his hand and leading the way through darkened rooms, up the creaking stairs to their bedroom. He guides him to the bed and Danny sinks into the cool sheets, Steve spooning up behind him, arm tight around his body, mouth resting at the back of his neck and sending shivers down his spine with every breath he exhales.
Danny wakes to bright light of morning, frowning when he sees the time and finds Steve still holding him. Usually by now Steve is up and showered, day already begun. He shifts and feels Steve's hold tighten around him, realising he's awake also. He rolls over to face him, finding Steve watching him with a small smile. Danny feels the familiar ache in his hips and ass from their lovemaking through the night and it's comforting.
"Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?" Danny asks teasingly, lifting a finger to trail against the ink on Steve's arm. "Chin and Kono will worry there's something wrong if you aren't there first thing."
He hasn't returned to the team full time yet. It's been a slow, long road to getting his life back to where it was and he doesn't join them out in the field. But there are days he goes into the office and helps to find out contact information or track down files and info needed for the cases they work on. And there are days he spends at the shack with Amoka, it's different and nothing like his life used to be, but it's satisfying in a way that works for him. It also lets him spend more time with Grace and that's something he holds precious after his experience with Hesse.
"I'm right where I need to be," Steve tells him, pulling him close and Danny smiles as Steve's leg slides between his and he can feel the evident touch of his arousal press against the small of his hip.
Danny knows he won't ever forget what Hesse did to him and how close he came to losing all of this. It's what makes it all the more important to hold on and enjoy every moment given to him.
~fin~