Work Text:
Killer's writing skills were highly questionable. His head, too, had long ago lost its sanity, but his thoughts were sometimes so diverse that any madman would be frightened. Once he decided to help Nightmare by making him a list of tactics and strategies that he considered the most successful for capturing the Multiverse or at least some ABs in it. And Nightmare took it and read it. And this is what it contained:
EFFECTIVE PLANS TO TAKE OVER THE
MULTIVERSE FROM KILLER
* Have a striptease in the middle of the battle, thus tactfully distracting the enemy (one of us should do it, preferably Nightmare), while the rest of us attack the distracted enemies. Repeat the practice in each world, preferably adding something new each time.
* Have a no-holds-barred fight in the mud *
* Or in oil
* In grapes would be good too
(Disclaimer: no fucking magic!) Well, you can conjure up some ecto to make it more epic. The grand prize winner becomes a super-alpha and gets the right to own the Multiverse!)
* Infuse threads and tentacles with instant drugs, bringing into the lives of ordinary citizens the fact that dying is not so terrible, on the contrary - pleasant and fun. It is desirable not to get too much caught under the effect themselves. Infect half of the Multiverse and become the head.
* Have a rap battle with Dream and Ink. Blast Drim with "Brother to brother, not brother to brother, not brother to brother" and Ink with "Without a soul, you're worth a dime". Winners get the right to the Multiverse, losers become slaves.
* Put dreams on the religious universe that Dream (in this case he should be called something silly, like "the fairy of your wet dreams", "the princess of "a-let's-friend-all-together", "failed Disney hit", etc., etc.) is a monster who will seduce them to good deeds and send their souls to hell, and you are an angel who brings liberation through suffering and sends them to paradise. Then act according to the situation. It is desirable to add the drug idea from point 2 to the plan.
* Turn our gang into a Mafia gang, because I already told you: it's cooler and more solid! Invite new members and give them all tattoos and chop off their hands for disobedience. But no to the closest members, I still need my hands.
* Become a very, very, very, very cool villain. Preferably one with a grim, imposing base in which you'll work out your cool villainous plans, in the middle of the Omega timeline (yes, in the most prominent and obvious place, like all cool villains).
* Create a fan club with a hierarchy system based on the most effective method of killing your brother.
* Master the internet and not be a prude. Nightmare, we need new members, and preferably not deep elders! The world is not going to be taken over by three unstable fucking idiots with problems in their heads, with their brother and in their lives, well honestly, forgive me if you do, and Dust and Horror! No questions for me.
* Make a contest on the best makeup (Note: keep Lust away from the zvezdnye, it is desirable to actually lure him to our side). Preferably makeup Error, because his bones are more photogenic or whatever the fuck they say.
* Play a game of chess with Drim under tense music, and at the end finish him off with a headshot. Winner at the end is not important, just a distraction. Shoot preferably the elegant Magnum Research Israel Military Industries, but other options are available.
* Build Transformer robots and take over universes with them. Each one should have a unique design to suit each gang member, who will control it from within.
* Change the gang's design to one with cats and add new furry members to it. Cats will 100% take over the world sooner or later!
* Become a deadly killer cat yourself.
* Replace the enemy's weapons with huge rubber dicks, preferably in our color. Enslave them quickly before they get the fuck up and use them on us for their intended purpose.
* Become super magicians, casting terrible curses. Horror will brew potions and beat the fuck out of everyone with a- I mean, with a stick, because I haven't gotten over the images from the last paragraph, Dust will organize the defense and strategize, I'll stand there and dazzle everyone with my pathos. The most important - that is, you - will not have to worry at all, just a lot of reading, risking your life when calling spirits, organizing a plan of attack, making artifacts, years to hone your skills and put a lot of tattoos for calls. You won't be able to see them anyway.
* Go with passive-aggressive methods. Error should tie up dolls in the form of Dream, Ink, maybe Blue or some other asshole. Torture these puppets during combat with a high level of brutality. The key is to avoid getting hit yourself.
* Get Error to make voodoo dolls (note: Make sure he doesn't make similar ones for us) of the trio of heroes and just rip their heads off (for safety's sake), possibly torturing them.
* Fuck Drea- ** Crossed out ** Okay, that's over the top.
* Make a team of inexperienced teenage wizards because they're always beating the hell out of experienced fighters and mages.
* Blow smoke in everyone's eyes and convince everyone that we're good. Then suddenly (!!!!) take over the Multiverse. A list of how it can be done:
___________
1. open a charitable foundation,
2. Make a "Single Mommy" channel and talk about your problems with us, i.e. blogging while sipping wine (yes, Knightmere, I know you do that on Thursdays)
3. Take up cosplay. I already have the right looks, even makeup!
4. Filming cooking shows. It is desirable to prepare dishes exclusively from apples for psychological oppression of the enemy (clarification: for Drim).
__________
* Become a winks fairy. Convince little monster girls to try out the internet's written flyhacks, because "If you decide to, you can become one of us". Kids can destroy everything in record time, trust me. And with the help of some of these handy hacks, woohoo.
* To use your tentacles to- * Crossed out * Okay, I'm gonna lose something important for this one.
* To pump up my strategy skills at stupid online games from commercials. The multiverse won't take over, but your plans will definitely improve.
* Reverse the way the world itself is viewed by ordinary citizens through dreams. Make them stay there forever. Bam, everyone's asleep, the Multiverse is taken over.
* To die.
The balance will collapse anyway, no matter if it's you or your brother that's out of balance.