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Ricky is not Spanish. He knows the language a bit (Portugues is not soooo different to Spanish) and he really loves Madrid, because it is a beautiful city, but he is not Spanish. It makes his first year at University in Madrid bit complicated. Few people speak to him, because he is the Brasilian who knows what cooties he has and he is the new guy and everyone still knows each other from the first 2 years of classes, so he only has two friends. Xabi and Iker.
They are nice, they really are. Ricky actually feels good when he is around them. There is no more crippling homesickness or missing Marcello like a missing limb. Well, he does miss Marcello, but not as bad as when he is alone at home.
***
Ricky tugs at his shirt uncomfortbaly. Iker laughs and slaps away Ricky's hand. “Don't be so nervous. No one is gonna bite.” Iker whispers. Ricky never liked new people. He was always very content with just a few friends.
“Hey mate.”
Iker introduces the new guy as Cristiano. Cristiano is slick somehow. He has slicked back hair, shiny tanned skin and a bud in his ears. Ricky doesn't like him. He is loud, vain and drunk. He is also completely ignoring Ricky.
***
Cristiano is in his English Lit Course on Fridays. He is surrounded by girls and his laugh is audible to where Ricky sits. He makes the girls swoon with his analysis of Shakespear. It is horrific to Ricky. “Careful, dos Santos.” Mesut says. “Ronaldo is not worth any wrinkles.”
The professor (a woman as God wills) is enamoured by Cristiano. He gets away with no homework, no paper, no pens and even no book. He still writes a 98% on his midterm paper.
***
Portugues from Portugal is a lot different to Portugues from Brazil. Words are different and the dialect is dreadful. Ricky nearly falls out of his chair when Cristiano is calling his mom Portugues is also the main reason why Ricky is homesick. He likes Spanish – it is not an ugly language – but Portugues is so much nicer. Ricky listens to every word Cristiano says. He is captured by the familiar pronounciations of the familiar words.
“What?” Cristiano barks. Ricky looks away embaressed. “Nothing.” he mutters in Portugues.
***
Ricky can't afford to go back to Sao Paolo for Winter Break. Iker goes to Barcelona, Xabi goes home, even English-Lit-Mesut is going back to Germany. Ricky is up for boring 3 weeks. Cristiano calls him on the first day of the Break. Ricky is unendlessly grateful and he meets Cristiano at a cafe downtown. He barely recognizes Cristiano. Instead of his usual i-stepped-out-of-a-fashion-magazin look Cristiano is sitting in a loose sweater and even looser pants. It suits him, Ricky thinks. Everything would probably look good on Cristiano. He smiles at Ricky and invites him for a coffee. They talk. About home, about family, about life in general. Somehow satifying.
***
Ricky grew up in Sao Paolo. His family was not rich, but they were the higher middleclass. Ricky saw poor kids playing football in the streets everday. Ricky was never allowed to join them. He played on the team in his school, but football was always second to tennis. There was something about tennis that fascinated Ricky a lot more than football. Cristiano first takes Ricky to a Real Madrid game in the Break. He shouts at everything the referee calls and is flustered when the game is nearly over. Ricky doesn'T find the game quite as interesting as Cristiano. They go for a beer afterwards and Ricky stays quiet while Cristiano rants about the game. He waves his hands around angrily, cussing with every second world and his hair stands in messy tufts from where he ran his hands through it.
“What?” Cristiano asks. Ricky smirks into his hand. “What's so funny?” Rickys smile is slowly dissolving into helpless giggles. Cristiano stares as if Ricky has grown another head.
“You are adorable when you get so flustered.” Ricky waves his hands vaguley around Crisitano's head. “Your hair is all over the place.” Cristiano smooths his hair down frantically and Ricky just laughs even more. They are sitting at a bar, Ricky laughing hysterically and Cristiano vain as ever. It is nice.
***
Ricky realizes why Iker and Xabi like Cristiano so much.
15 hours to go!
Cristiano is vain, arrogant and sleeps around every weekend, but still manages to be nice, loyal, trustworthy and utterly hilarious at times.
R U as xited as I am?
Cristiano gets overely obsessed with something and can't think about much else. He is touchy at times, always having to have a hand or limb on Ricky when they are close to each other.
Stop studying and go parteeeeeeeeeeee!
Cristiano sends Ricky texts every evening. They spend a lot of time together now that Winter Break is over. English-Lit-Mesut gives Ricky a knowing look when Cristiano takes the seat next to Ricky when the next Semester stars. Ricky ignores him expertly.
Ricardo dos Santos, GET OUT OF THE
HOUSE NOW! Or i'll bring the monkeys.
***
Ricky hates finals more than anything in the world. They are exhausting and Ricky doesn't think he has ever learned more in his life. “Ricky!” Cristiano sits down on Rickys lap, when he is just reviewing some very, very important notes. Iker and Xabi both look up and raise an eyebrow at Cristianos proximity to Ricky. “I don't want to study anymore.”
Ricky looks at his notes, then to Cristiano and slams his notebook shut. “lets go.” Cristiano has never never at Rickys apartment before. They are friends for nearly half a year and Ricky never invited him in before. They drink cofee and talk about Cristiano's hometown, because anything but stuying is good. Every good even.
***
Ricky goes back to Sao Paolo for the summer break. He is looking foreard to see his parents, his brothers and even Caroline again. Portugues is the most beautiful thing to hear. Cristianos butcher of the language does not compare to the melodic syllables that flow off his mothers tongue when she takes Ricky into her large hug. He has never felt more like a little boy in his life.
***
Cristiano doesn't call or text. Ricky sees that he is on Mallorca from his Facebook Profil. He uploads pictures with different guys everyday. Ricky grindes his teeth, pockets his phone and relaxes in the warm, Brasilian sun.
***
Ricky first sees Xabi, Iker and them all again when lessons start again. His mama pushed him leaving back everytime Ricky wanted to go and he was grateful. They all are brown, in various states of sunburnt and all seem a lot happier than before the break. Ricky meets the reason why Xabi's relationship status no longer reads single. Nagore is nice and Xabi and her are still in the cutsey phase of their relationship. Ricky catches Iker's eye and they grimace. No one knows what is with Cristiano and Ricky is fairly relieved that he is not the only one without contact to Cristiano. Xabi asks Portugues-Fabio, but he just says Crisitiano will be back soon. Up to then Ricky will have to wait.
***
Ricky is nursing a beer, watchig his friends dance on the floor. He clenches his teeth when he sees Cristiano grinding up against some random. Cristiano had appeared without an explanation of why he hadn't called and he hadn't said more than a tense 'hi' to Ricky.
Ricky jerks when he feels warm breathe at his neck. “Did you miss me?” Cristiano slides into the seat next to Ricky, but his lips don't leave Ricky's ear, still breathing infuriatingly slow. Cristiano puts a hand on Ricky's leg and squeezes gently.
“Not really.” Ricky lies through his teeth and pushes Cristiano away. He tears away from Cristiano and moves to the door. He is in desperate need for fresh air. He needs to clear his head. Desperatly. Cristiano storms out of the club after Ricky. He grabs at Ricky's arm and spins him around.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Cristiano spits. Ricky glares at him and tries to free his arm out of Cristiano's iron grip. Cristiano glares right back and tightens his grip on Ricky's arm. They are no 30 cm apart from each other and Ricky can feel Cristiano's warm breath on his face.
“You didn't call for the entire summer.” Ricky spits. He is aware he sounds like a jealous girlfriend, but he is too drunk and too pissed off to care.
“It takes two to tango.” Cristiano says. He sounds vaguly surprised at how jealous Ricky is. “You didn't call either. I didn't want to be the dick.”
“Well fuck you, Cristiano, because you are.” Ricky spits without thinking. Cristiano growls lowly and grabs Ricky tighter and drags him to the house wall. He leans in and Ricky could lick his nose. He is that close.
Ricky surges up, presses his body and Cristiano and kisses him hard and furiously. He is angry and he wants Crisitano to feel it. Cristiano slams him back into the house wall, not breaking the kiss, and Ricky gasps as the breath is knocked out of him. He sees stars when his senses go overload, because of Cristiano, he can't breathe, because of Cristiano and his brain is yelling at him, because of Cristiano. He fades out of the world when there are fingers on his jeans. Bloody Cristiano.
***
“What's going on with you and Cristiano?” Iker asks Ricky two weeks later. Ricky's smile is immediately replaced by a thick scowl. Iker and Xabi look at each other concerned and Ricky grits his teeth. They were not the first ones asking what was going on with Cristiano and him. They had fought after the damned kiss that Ricky just wanted to forget. Cristiano had set a half-concious Ricky off at his apartment after he had fainted and just left without another word. The next monday he had mocked Ricky for fainting.
“Can't you just ask Ronaldo?” Ricky snarls loudly. “Why does everything have to be my responsibility.” Iker and Xabi flinch both and look down at their books. Ricky feels guilty immediately. That was not nice. “Sorry guys. I'm just not in a good mood.”
“We noticed.” Iker says deadpanned. Ricky blushes and rubs at his neck. “We also noticed Cristiano and you are both sulking around like teenagers. And still are unwilling to just talk with each other.”
Ricky looks at them with big eyes. “Cristiano is sulking?” Iker nods earnestly and leans over to mess up Ricky's hair.
***
Ricky and Cristiano both can't suck up to their pride. They bitterly acnoledge each other on parties, but don't speak to one another. Iker tries several times to push them together again, but both Cristiano and Ricky think the other has to apologize.
Ricky sits in the library one day reading about the Statistics of Kitchen Fires. It is as boring as it sounds, but Ricky needs it for his paper. He gets out when its late and really dark and it seems like the world is ending, because it is pouring out of buckets. He runs for the bus and curses when it drives off. He kicks the streetlamp when he gets that the next bus is only coming in an hour. Soaking wet already, Ricky decides to just walk home. It is not that far. Just 10 Minutes with the bus. That shouldn't be so long to walk. He'll be home quicker if he just walks.
There is no one on the streets at this time of night. Ricky is the only one he can see or hear, so he jumps when a familiar voice drawls: “Will you get into the car?” Ricky blinks at Cristiano through the rain. It is the first time in weeks that they are alone, but Ricky just gets into the car, because he is freezing and wet. They sit in silence for a moment. It is awkward and Ricky doesn't like it at all.
“Shit Ric. You must be freezing.” Cristiano mutters. He turns up the heater and puts a jacket around Ricky's shuddering shoulders. He takes Ricky's fingers into his own and rubs them strongly. He presses them to his mouth breathing warm air onto them. His eyes don't leave Ricky's the entrire time.
***
“It's nice to see you are back to normal.” Iker says one evening, looking at Ricky and Cristiano. Ricky sits in Cristiano's lap, because there is not enough seats for all of them at the table and Cristiano just pulled him in. Cristiano is resting his head on Ricky's shoulder and his hand are caressing Ricky's underarm gently.
Ricky feels guilty, because his and Cristiano's little petty fight nearly ruined the dynamic of their entire group. Iker and Xabi look really relieved to see them back at where they were before the damn fight. He snuggels in closer to Cristiano and sighs softly.
***
Ricky realizes he might be in love with Cristiano when Cristiano is gone on his 3 week exchange thingy. He misses Cristiano like a missing limb and they skype nearly every evening. It is weird not sitting next to Cristiano in English Lit and laughing about their Professor together. It is weird not spending the afternoons with Cristiano, either studying or doing about anything else. It is weird not going out to party with Iker and Xabi every Friday Night. It is just weird that Cristiano is not there.
Ricky calls his mother frantically the night he lays awake for hours just thinking about Cristiano. “I'm in love, mama. I... I don't wanna be.” Ricky stammers. His mother gently tells him not to worry and just go with it. But he can't do that. It would ruin their friendship. One kiss did for almost 2 Months. What would the relevation that Ricky loves Cristiano do? Probably destroy it forever.
***
Ricky goes out, gets drunk and meets Andriy. Andriy is a few years older than Ricky, but he is really sweet. He treats Ricky like he is the sun in his world and Ricky forgets about Cristiano for a short while. Andriy is the exact opposite of Cristiano. He is sweet, kind, selfconcious and so pleasently not arrogant. Iker and Xabi like him too. They accept him easily and like Andriy enough to invite him to their Friday Night Ritual.
Only Cristiano hates him. It makes Ricky's heart soar for a second when Cristiano glares at Andriy, but he quickly surpresses it and forces the feelings down. Cristiano lays a arm around Ricky's and pulls him close to his chest and Ricky lets it happen, even if Andriy looks a bit surprised.
Later Ricky hears how Andriy asks Iker about Cristiano and Ricky's relationship. Ricky can't see Iker's face, but he sounds fairly exausted. “Those two are meant for each other, but they are also the worst thing that could happen to the other.” Ricky takes a deep breath, because it is so true. That is the essense of their friendship. Perfect and crammed into one sentence. “Oh.” Is everything Andriy says, because what should he say else.
***
Cristiano kisses him three weeks after he comes back. They are lounging around lazily and watching a movie. Ricky doesn't really care for the annoying cheesy actress, or even the actor, but Cristiano seems enthralled. Ricky has his head tucked in at Cristiano's side, resting. It is Friday Night and Iker raised an eyebrow when Ricky told him Cristiano was spending the evening with him. It does seem weird, Cristiano leaving out the possiblity of a good fuck for Ricky, but Ricky is not one to care.
Cristiano leans over in the most interesting moment of the movie. He presses his lips on Ricky's and his hands move to Ricky's hair. Ricky is taken by absolute surprise, but he responds quickly. He lets Cristiano take complete control of the kiss and eventually they are moved into a weird half-sitting-half-lying position. Ricky has his hand in Cristiano's hair, pulling him even closer. Cristiano shoves a hand up Ricky's shirt and lets it trail across Ricky's chest. Cristiano moans loudly when Ricky sucks at his lower lip and he rolls his hips almost frantically.
“Ricky … I'm home!”
***
Ricky's final month at University comes sooner than expected. Him and Iker are stressed and scrambeling to learn the most they can for the last finals. Cristiano and Xabi watch them with anxiety, because this will be them in a year. Ricky breaks up with Andriy in the middle of his studying, because it isn't fair to Andriy that Ricky will be moving away in a few weeks and they will break up then. Why not do it now, earlier and probably less painful?
***
“Xabi.” Ricky eyes Xabi, who stands in his doorway with a six pack. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to give you a proper goodbye.” Xabi pushes past Ricky into the almost empty apartment. Everything is already sent back to Brasil, save for a few personal items Ricky needs. “Do you know what you'll be doing back in Sao Paolo? Do you already have a job?”
“Nope. Don't know yet.” Ricky sighs. He takes one of Xabi's beers and salutes his friend. “Maybe i'll take a year off first. I have enough money.”
Xabi grins and takes a sip of his beer. He looks around the apartment. “Ah Brasil. I'll miss you.” Xabi sighs. He moves and hugs Ricky fiercly. “Keep in contact, yes. I'll be happy to hear from you.”
Ricky knows and he wants to kiss Xabi for being such a great friend. He also knows that he'll probably never see Xabi again. Ricky is not the person to be sentimental and keep contact with a person he doesn't ever see. It has always been like that.
***
Iker's eyes widen when he takes in Ricky stand infront of his door with bag in hand and his baggage behind him. Iker hugs him fiercly. They stood through University together and now it was all over. They received their certificate and now they were ready (or as much as they could be) to start in the real world.
“Oh Ricky. I'll miss you so much!” Iker exclaims. He hugs Ricky and sniffles a bit. He has real tears in his eyes and wipes them away. “You are a great man Ricky. I hope you'll find whoever you are looking for.”
Ricky hand him the rest of Xabi's beer, because Xabi had left it and Ricky didn't need it anymore. Iker blinks … eyes heavy with tears again, but he doesn't say any more.
***
The farewell to Cristiano is the hardest of them all. Ricky doesn't want to do it and is a bit scared to be honest. What was he going to say? “I love you and I am sorry it didn't work out.?” Probably not. He would maybe make a joke about their times together.
Luckily for Ricky Cristiano takes this decision from his hands. Cristiano opens the door to his apartment and pulls Ricky into the warmth tumultously. Ricky doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to. Cristiano takes one of his hands and thumbs over the pad lightly. Cristiano doesn't break eyecontact with Ricky as he raises Ricky's hand to his mouth like so many times before.
Ricky feels like every cell in his body is on fire. He doesn't want to go. He really doesn't. Cristiano moves closer just slightly, but the fire in Ricky's body just grew double as hot. “Um...” Ricky started to speak, but Cristiano gently puts a finger on Ricky's lips to shut him up. Ricky's eyes dart down and look at the finger.
“Please.” Cristiano mutters, before he pulls Ricky closer and gives him a long, pleasurable, deep kiss. Ricky moans and responds by shoving his free hand in Cristiano's hair and tugging gently. The other hand is still laced up with Cristiano's
Cristiano pulls away and blinks at him through long lashes. Ricky smiles wistfully and Cristiano sighs. They both know what is coming now. “Take care, Cris.” Ricky whispers. His voice doesn't waver, something Ricky is incredibly proud of.
Ricky kisses Cristiano's forehead lightly and opens the door of Cristiano's Apartment again. He doesn't look back at his best friend. He lets his hand fall to his side when Cristiano lets it go. He feels Cristiano's stare in the back of his neck, but he doesn't turn around. There is nothing he would like to do than turn around, run into Cristiano's arms and kiss, love and hold him forever, but Ricky knows they are too late.
They missed their chance. It came years ago and they were too stupid to take it. That is probably also the reason why it hurts so much.
THE END.