Chapter Text
Lukas sought his own solitude in what he had branded as, 'his corner' of the orphanage. It was cosy, hard ebony floors with moldy plaster that was peeling and crackling to reveal the dull grey concrete lurking underneath.
He had found an old rotting table and claimed it as his own, flipping it onto its side so he could box himself inbetween the mahogany and the wall, like a little fort.
He had yet to figure out what to do for the roof but he was quite content without one at the minute, the tight space made him feel secure, hidden.
He had managed to forage for some scrap parchment and a half empty pen, using his new found utensils he sat cross legged in his den and began to doodle, sketching in a poorly done image of a cat, but he was proud of it none the less. It was more about action than the outcome.
While he was detailing the scruffy looking creature with stripes his vision started to splotch. Lukas huffed and rubbed roughly at his eyes then tried to continue with his artwork but the dots only seemed to grow, mocking his futile attempts at slaying them.
Despite the need for nutrients to supply his growing body he had gotten awfully skilled at pushing the craving down, jamming it so far into the bottomless pits that he didn't feel the hunger anymore, he knew that the stale bread and chunky jam would just make him feel sickly anyway, and honestly his plan had worked for nearly an entire week.
He crossed his fingers that maybe the feeling would disappear entirely, forever. But no. It just had to come and ruin his day. As if confirming its presence, his stomach gave a loud gurgle which he immediately tried to dampen with his arms.
"Dangit."
He mentally cursed himself as his mind began to whirr...surely he could sneak down to the kitchens and steal a tiny bit? They wouldn't even notice if a small amount was missing...would they?
He didn't have time to ponder because his feet had decided for him, carrying him across the dimly lit room as he crept through the threshold, attempting to avoid any floorboards he knew were particularly creaky.
He stuck to the right hand wall, eyes darting around for any signs of life that were ready to jump out and reprimand him.
Despite his racing heartbeat he managed to make it to the kitchens with little issue, going up on his tippy toes to peek at what there was.
He found an apple that wasn't as bruised at the rest and decided then that that would be his victim, grabbing it gingerly and holding to his chest.
Bingo.
He scampered out of the room as quick as he could, filled with adrenaline at his newfound success.
"Hey!"
Someone screamed after him all of the sudden and instead of a speed walk he broke into an all out sprint, ignoring the thick layer of dust that promptly coated the inside of his lungs, the lack of muscle on his bones didn't make the sprint any easier.
Lukas turned the sharp corner and darted into the first room on his right, making a bee line for the closet that situated itself in the... whatever the room's purpose was.
Being small had its perks. He could fit into every tiny nook and cranny without much effort, and likewise, people couldn't grab him as easily in secret hideaways like this, not that it was very secret.
In fairness, this was not his best work but he couldn't find anything else suitable in his mental time limit other than a dusty old closet.
It was pitch black other than the tiny sliver of dim light seeping through the slit where the doors met, plus it reeked of something like mold. The old wood creaked with every slight snippet of movement so staying completely still was a no brainer, though the being quiet part was probably the easiest, the skill came with time and he had a lot of experience under his belt.
He jammed the apple into his mouth, barely chewing the chunks before he swallowed, all too focused on the goal of just getting it down. Juice ran down his chin and made his fingertips sticky but within a minute the entire thing was gone, stem and all to hide the evidence.
Lukas drew his knees up to as chest as tight as he humanly could, securely the lanky limbs with even bonier arms, no matter how his muscles protested, not being found would be its own reward.
He'd done this so many times, hidden away in the dark where he crossed his fingers that nobody would think to look and yet his heart hammered against his chest all the same, as if he had just ran a mile rather than just sitting stationary.
Almost forgot he was a goddamn freak.
The closet was pitch black sure but his skin slowly started to illuminate, he cursed himself, panic skyrocketing and only making the glow more prominent. It was absured. His skin glowed a faint immuminesent green whenever he grew stressed. He didn't know why or what sin he committed for the punishment from the Gods but here he sat, twinkling like a goddamn glow stick.
Lukas squeezed his eyes shut, naively praying that perhaps the glowing would take pity on him and cease. But when had luck ever been on his side?
The door suddenly swung open with such force he was convinced that it had been ripped straight off it's hinges, elicting a harsh flinch from the former.
"Goddamn rat!"
Mr Brookes, one of the supervisors in the orphanage, sneered. Lukas' heart stopped beating there and then. Fear shooting up his spine with the force of lightning as his bones immediately began to rattle.
The man yanked Lukas up by the upper arm like he was a ragdoll, evoking a sharp shriek from the kid, it felt like he had just torn his arm off.
"Think I wouldn't find you ay?! Little sneak!"
The man roared and threw Luka out into the open floor, his tiny frame connecting with the wooden boards with a painful thud.
"I'm- I'm s-sorry! I'm sorry!"
Luka babbled, words slipping and sliding on his tongue as he desperately tried to shuffle away from the blows he could already feel coming.
"Fucking pig! Sticking your hands where they don't belong! Huh?!"
Mr Brookes screamed while Lukas curled in on himself whenever he was met the boot to his gut.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"
Lukas wheezed, finding himself staring to sob, he couldn't be sure from what, the pain? Or the terror? It was most likely a cruel mixture of both.
"Do I look like an idiot?!"
The man yelled as more kicks rained down on his gut, sending more shoots of pain up and down his spine.
"Answer me!"
Came a particularly agonising blow right to the chest, knocking the wind out of Lukas right then and there.
"N-no sir- I'm sorry-"
Lukas coughed out, putting 110% of his efforts into speaking through the tears, pain and lack of breath, though his hands immediately sprung up to latch onto the wrist instinctively whenever he was yanked up solely by his roots, forcing him to squirm like a trout on a line.
"Real remorseful yea?"
The man growled and began dragging the kid out of the room by his hair, Luka squirmed with all his might depsite the newly formed bruises protests, horror unlike any other flooding every sense.
The freezing tile stung Lukas' skin as he immediately clocked that the man must've dragged him to the bathroom? Why?? He shuddered to think.
Mr Brookes hauled him up to his knees over the toilet and then...to his horror, shoved his fingers down Lukas' throat. Lukas immediately began to gag at the instrusion, animal instincts thrashing to get away from the burning pain at the back of his throat.
"Ungrateful brat. Is the food we give you not enough? No?"
Mr Brookes growled, shoving his fingers deeper until Lukas retched out into the toilet bowl, the man removing his fingers before his skin could make contact with any of the sick.
A pale yellow/beige liquid was ejected from his throat, the undigested chunks of apple scratching painfully on its way up as Lukas desperately coughed to dislodge it from his throat.
Once he was done puking up the little food in his stomach the man let go of his hair, letting Lukas drop weakly like a ragdoll, coughing and sputtering.
His throat felt like it was on fire, his tears unrelenting as he stared at the dirt covered cracked tiles, black mold separately square from square. His newly earned bruises throbbed in time with his heartbeat.
"You listening?"
Mr Brookes barked and all Lukas could do was give a pathetic nod.
"You know I don't like punishing you."
Another nod...Lukas knew he'd earn another blow if he didn't.
"You know I wouldn't have to punish you if you just stuck to the rules."
The man added, his voice going condescending and Lukas held in a sob, covering it with another nod.
"You deserved this Lukas. I only do it to save you punishments in the future, so now you know."
Another nod.
"If a second punishment is due then I trust you know it'll be worse than this one?"
Lukas shuddered, a soft sob escaping his lips that he couldn't quite hold in, nodding quickly.
"Excuse me?"
"Y-yes-yes sir-"
Lukas stammered out, voice shaking in line with the tremors rocking his little body.
"Clean yourself up. Rat."
With that, Mr Brookes took his leave and closed the door with a soft click behind him, giving Lukas full privacy to break down into harsh, ugly tears. The type that shook his entire body without any sort of remorse.
A thick weight settled in his chest, pulling him down as he hugged his hands around his upper arms...forehead against the cold tile as he let the anxiety take over.
Why was he even crying?
Mr Brookes had reasoning. Logic. Lukas broke a rule. He was selfish and snuck food when he wasn't supposed to, even when he has the option to get food every day with the other kids.
He was arrogant. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.
He used any remaining strength to pull himself over the toilet, feeling another wave of nausea come over him. But nothing came. He just dry heaved into the bowl...his stomach was currently running on empty so it wasn't surprising.
With one last wheeze he slowly pushed himself up with wobbly knees. Honestly he was surprised he didn't just topple over right then and there with how unsteady he was.
A sniffle escaped him as he brought a hand up to rub away some of the tears, the skin freezing to the touch.
He was just exhausted. He wanted to get into bed and just tell himself it was simply a nightmare. He'd wake up and realise it wasn't real. He wasn't that much of an idiot as to break a rule on purpose. No, only 'Dream Lukas' would do such a thing.
He stumbled to the door and turned the knob with vibrating hands before stepping into the hallway, trying to be as silent as he could.
Eventually, he reached one of the bedrooms, single beds lined up in a uniform fashion with a sleeping kid in nearly every one.
His skin lit up with that pale green colour without his consent in the dark light, he pulled down on his short sleeves in an attempt to cover more of his arms but alas it was pretty futile.
Lukas shuffled over to his own bed as quick as he could, immediately burying himself under the scratchy white covers. While the bed was firm as a rock he was used to it by now, too used to it to care very much.
A shudder of a breath escaped him which he immediately tried to dampen with his hands clasped over his mouth...squeezing his eyes shut...no more tears. Not now.
Suddenly, something collided with his torso...a pillow?
"Quit glowin, freak!"
Someone snapped at him from across the room, of course he was lighting up like a goddamn beacon, he was blubbering like a damn baby who couldn't calm themselves down.
Embarrassed, Lukas pulled the covers over himself into a makeshift cocoon, blocking any of his cursed light to escape and hinder the other's sleep.
He couldn't stop his bloody trembling through. He was forced to throw up. Big goddamn deal...he hated this. He hated how goddamn dramatic he was.
With a sniffle, he used the mechanism that was highly embarrassing...but it worked 90% of the time whenever he couldn't sleep...
He hugged his arms around himself, essentially giving himself the most pathetic cuddles of all time and...imagined it was his mum...or dad it didn't particularly matter, just someone who loved him, someone to hold him while he slept and make sure no boogey men came and got him.
It was childish. Unbelievably childish but...he soon fell into a dreamless sleep. Always worked like a charm.
Absurd.