Work Text:
The first time Buck noticed the notebook, it’s during a quiet evening at home. Tommy is stretched out on the couch, one hand flipping through a small black book while the other taps idly at his coffee mug. At first, Buck doesn’t think much of it. It could very well be work-related, maybe something about flight schedules or protocols. But when he spots Tommy jotting notes in it during other quiet moments, his curiosity starts to stir.
It’s not that Buck is the type to snoop (well, not anymore), but there’s something about that notebook. Something that feels personal. Buck tells himself it’s probably nothing, that he’s overthinking it like he always does. But then Lucy brings it up at the bar, and suddenly, Buck can’t stop wondering. Again.
Tommy had invited Buck to come along that night, a celebration with his 217 crew after a big rescue. Though he hadn’t outright said it, Buck could tell how much this meant to Tommy. It wasn’t just about the celebration, it was about introducing Buck to his people. His other family.
Despite his initial nervousness, Buck was excited. He wanted to meet the people who’d been there for Tommy long before he came into the picture, the ones who’d stood by him through whatever ups and downs life threw at them. And selfishly, he wanted them to like him. Tommy’s approval was one thing, but winning over his crew? That felt just as important.
At the bar, Tommy’s introductions were warm and easy, his hand always rubbing comfortable circles behind Buck’s back to ease his nerves. Buck swore he’d never seen Tommy this happy, this relaxed. It was as if he was... proud to have Buck by his side. That realization made Buck’s heart beats faster, a shy smile creeping up his face.
After a while, Tommy excused himself to the restroom and Buck was left with the group. "Take care of Evan while I'm gone, and don't tease him too much. That's my job." Tommy had said before he left, leaving a kiss on Buck's birthmark. Everyone laughed but Buck was the only one left in a blushing mess. He's not used to being spoiled like this, especially not in front of people he just met.
After months of dating, Buck had learned a lot about Tommy as a person. On the surface, Tommy seemed like someone who always had his guard up, someone who found it difficult to let others in. But seeing him joke around with his crewmates and relax in their company gave Buck a sense of relief. It showed him that Tommy could let his walls down when he felt safe.
Buck snapped back to reality when Lucy arrived, sliding into the seat next to him. “Finally,” she said, grinning. “I thought I’d never get a word with the famous Evan Buckley.” Buck instantly felt relieved to see a familiar face. They caught up, with Buck updating her on the 118 fam shenanigans and Lucy snitching on Tommy as she told Buck about a recent call where Tommy had an embarassing moment.
It wasn’t until Lucy casually mentioned it that Buck’s stomach flipped. “By the way, has Tommy shown you that little notebook of his? He’s always scribbling in it. I swear, one day it’s going to end up in some firefighter memoir or something.”
Buck blinks. “Notebook? What notebook?”
Lucy raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? It’s black, kind of worn-out looking. He carries it everywhere. Don’t tell me you’ve never seen it?”
Buck’s heart skipped. Was it the same one he’d seen Tommy with at home? So he takes it to work too?
Lucy laughed at his stunned expression. “Oh, come on. He probably writes about all the dumb stuff we do on calls. Don’t let him fool you, he lives for the gossip.” She joked.
Buck tried to smile, but his thoughts were already racing. The notebook had always been there, quietly present in the background. But now, with Lucy’s offhand comment, it suddenly felt like a mystery demanding to be solved.
What is my boyfriend hiding from me?
Now that Buck is aware of the notebook, he starts seeing it everywhere. It feels like once he noticed, he couldn’t not notice.
Tommy always has it with him. It shows up during their lazy evenings at Buck's loft, sitting on the coffee table next to his mug. When Buck spends the night at Tommy's house, it’s there too, perched on the nightstand. Even between shifts at the firehouse (which Buck, of course, heard about from Lucy), Tommy finds moments to scribble something in it. And then there are moments during their dates, Tommy pulling the notebook out of his pocket, jotting down a line or two before tucking it away again, never leaving it open for too long.
It drives Buck insane.
His curiosity finally boils over one evening. They’re lounging on the couch, Tommy’s pen scratching softly against the page while Buck rambles about something that happened at the firehouse. When he glanced over, he realizes Tommy hasn’t said anything in minutes.
“Are you even listening to me?” Buck narrowed his eyes, leaning forward.
Tommy looked up, smirking, clearly amused. “I always listen to you, Evan.” He sets the notebook aside, the corners of his mouth twitching upward. “You were just saying how you like the sound of your own voice.”
Buck huffed. “Okay, but seriously, what’s in that thing? Work notes? Is it a diary? Oh my God-” his eyes widen dramatically. “Is it poetry?”
Tommy shook his head, chuckling. “You’ve got some imagination, you know that?” He leaned in, cupping Buck’s face with warm hands before placing a quick, soft kiss on his lips. “It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“That’s exactly what someone with something to hide would say,” Buck argued, his pout already forming.
Tommy just laughs, grabbing the notebook and standing up. “I’ve got to go,” he said, his voice gentle. “You’ve got an early shift tomorrow, and I don’t want to keep you up.”
Buck looked up at him, his pout deepening. “You’re leaving and you’re not going to tell me what’s in the notebook? Wow. Just wow.” He complained, crossing his arms over his chest.
Tommy chuckled softly, reaching down to ruffle Buck’s curls. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” His voice is warm, affectionate, and Buck can’t help but lean into his touch despite his frustration.
As Tommy grabbed his jacket and heads for the door, he heard the younger shuffling from the couch. “This isn’t over, Tommy! I’m very good at figuring things out!” Buck called after him, his voice confident and determined.
Tommy laughed and glanced back with a playful smile. “I know you are, Evan. That’s what makes this so fun.”
And with that, the mystery of the notebook deepens, leaving Buck both exasperated and even more determined to uncover its secrets.
The mystery of the notebook takes up more space in Buck’s mind than he wants to admit. By the time lunch rolls around at the firehouse, it’s all he can think about.
“I’m telling you, it’s weird,” Buck said, stabbing his salad with unnecessary force. “Tommy’s always writing in that thing, but when I ask him about it, he just brushes me off. What if it’s... I don’t know, something bad?”
Eddie doesn’t even look up from his plate. “It’s Tommy. The guy who texts you every morning to remind you to drink water. What’s the worst thing he could be writing? A checklist for when you forget your wallet again?”
Chimney chimed in with a deadpan tone. “Maybe it’s his list of pet peeves about you, starting with how you overanalyze everything.” Buck shot him a look. “Real helpful, Chim. Thanks.”
Eddie sighed, ever the voice of reason. “Buck, you’re spiraling. Tommy’s probably writing something totally normal, like notes for work or reminders. He’s not exactly a man of mystery.”
Buck huffed, slouching in his seat. “But that’s the thing! He is a mystery! He doesn’t talk about himself, like, ever. I have to practically drag details out of him, and now he’s got this notebook he won’t let me see? That’s suspicious, right?”
Eddie gave him a flat look. “So, because your boyfriend is private, you’ve decided he’s hiding something?”
Buck threw his hands up. “I’m just saying! What if it’s... I don’t know, a secret pros-and-cons list about dating me? Plans to break up with me? A—what if it’s a diary about how I annoy him?!”
Chimney, never one to miss an opportunity to tease his brother-in-law, grinned. “You do annoy him. But I doubt he’d need a whole notebook for that—Post-it notes should do the job.”
Buck glared, pointing his fork at him. “Again, Chim. You’re not helping.”
Eddie sighed again for the umpteenth time, watching Buck’s overthinking spiral hit full tilt. “Didn’t you ask him about it?”
“I did! And he said it’s ‘nothing to worry about.’” Buck made air quotes with exaggerated frustration. “But if it’s nothing, then why can’t I know what it is? What if it’s something serious?”
Eddie leans back, arms crossed. “Buck, Tommy’s reserved, not secretive. Just because he doesn’t share every thought doesn’t mean he’s hiding something.”
Buck sighed. He hates it when Eddie is right. He knew Tommy was a closed book, it was one of the first things he’d noticed about him. Buck had been trying to get Tommy to open up more, but progress had been pretty slow. Sure, Tommy was better at sharing his feelings now than when they’d first started dating, but Buck still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was so much about Tommy he didn’t know.
“I feel like I’m losing the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ war so bad right now,” Buck huffed, leaning back in frustration. Suddenly, he narrows his eyes, an idea taking shape. “But I’m not letting him win. Not this time. I’m gonna get him to tell me.” He mumbled, more to himself than to anybody else.
Eddie raised an eyebrow. “How exactly are you planning to do that?”
“I’ll spoil it out of him,” Buck said with a determined grin. “Cook all his favorite meals. Take him out on dates to all the places he loves. Be the perfect boyfriend. Charm him into submission.” He paused dramatically. “I’ll even buy tickets to a Lakers game if I have to.”
“You hate basketball.” Eddie stared, incredulous. He found out about this information not long after Buck and Tommy started dating and he still thinks it's hilarious that Buck came to the pickup game just to get Tommy's attention and ended up breaking his best friend's ankle in the process. Eddie’s forgiven him, of course, but he’ll never stop teasing him about it.
“I know,” Buck admits, furiously typing notes into his phone. “But this is bigger than basketball, Eddie. This is war.”
“Wow,” Chimney deadpanned. “Weaponized affection. You’re really pulling out the big guns.”
Eddie looked at Buck, bemused. “So... bribery. That’s your plan.”
Buck didn’t answer, too focused on his phone. “He’ll cave,” he muttered to himself, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “He always caves.”
Chimney nudged Eddie, smirking. “You think we should tell him this is the worst idea he’s ever had, or just let him crash and burn?” Eddie shrugged, amused. “Let him figure it out. Besides, I kinda want to see how far he’ll go.”
Across the table, Buck is already deep in his plans, determined to uncover the secrets of Tommy’s little black notebook, no matter what it takes.
At home, Buck starts trying to grab Tommy’s attention in increasingly obvious ways. Rambling even more than usual, coming up with excuses to drag Tommy out on dates, and cooking dinner with more enthusiasm than skill.
“This is your favorite pasta, right? I can make more!” Buck declared one evening, holding up a slightly misshapen plate of spaghetti carbonara, a dish he never actually tried to make before.
Tommy smiled, indulgent as ever, but doesn’t give anything away about the notebook.
Not convinced, Buck doubles down. Over the next week, he transforms into what Chimney jokingly refers to as Boyfriend Extraordinaire. He plans impromptu outings to Tommy’s favorite places: a casual picnic at the park Tommy loves for its quiet seclusion, a trip to that tiny bookstore tucked away in Silver Lake, and even a late-night ice cream run because Tommy once mentioned craving spumoni at 11 p.m.
Tommy goes along with it, his amusement clear. On one date, while walking hand-in-hand along the sidewalk, he paused to give Buck a long look. “Not that I’m complaining, but what’s with all the effort lately?”
“No reason,” Buck said quickly, brushing it off with a too-bright grin.
Back at home, Buck’s efforts intensify. He digs through Bobby's recipe books and YouTube tutorials, determined to perfect Tommy’s favorite dishes. One night, he serves up a perfectly seared steak dinner, complete with garlic butter mashed potatoes and roasted asparagus.
Tommy gave him a knowing look as he cuts into the steak. “Are you trying to bribe me into something?”
Buck grinned sheepishly. He's not about to make his plan known, but he's also enjoying treating Tommy the way he deserves to be treated after all he has done for him. “Can’t a guy just spoil his boyfriend?”
Tommy smiled fondly and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Buck’s cheek. “You don’t have to spoil me, Evan. I already like you a lot.”
But Buck still can’t let it go.
When they’re apart, Buck gets even clingier. He texts Tommy every few hours, sometimes with updates about his day, sometimes just to send a picture of something random like a funny street sign or a cute dog he saw. He calls him after shifts just to say goodnight, even if they’ve already texted that evening.
At first, Tommy seems charmed, laughing softly whenever the name 'Evan' pops up on his phone screen. But by the third consecutive night of Buck insisting on video calling him before bed, Tommy raises an eyebrow. “You’re really chatty lately,” he teased.
“I just miss you,” Buck said, pouting. “Can’t a guy miss his boyfriend?”
Tommy laughs but doesn’t press.
Buck even goes so far as to seriously consider buying tickets to a Lakers game, remembering how much Tommy loves basketball. He pulls up the seating chart online, muttering to himself about which seats would give the best view.
Before he can hit “purchase,” Tommy gently intervenes, glancing over his shoulder at the screen. He placed a hand over Buck’s, gently stilling the mouse. “Evan, you don’t even like basketball,” he pointed out, voice soft but amused.
Buck froze, caught red handed. “But you like basketball!”
Tommy smiled, leaning down to kiss his temple. “You don’t have to do all this, you know. I already know how much you care about me. You don’t need to take me to a game to prove it.”
Buck sighed, closing the tab. “I just... I like making you happy.” Even if it started as part of his plan, none of the things he said or did felt forced or insincere. He meant every word and every gesture. At this point, finding out about the notebook felt like a bonus.
“You already do,” Tommy reassured him, stroking his cheek affectionately, in that calm, grounding way only he could.
Even with Tommy’s reassurances, Buck can’t help but feel like he’s losing this silent battle. Despite all his efforts—his perfectly planned dates, lovingly cooked meals, constant affection—not just to crack the mystery of the notebook but because he genuinely wanted to make his boyfriend feel adored, yet, Tommy hasn’t budged an inch on the notebook. And it’s driving Buck crazy.
Finally one evening, Tommy left his duffel bag by the door when he comes to stay at Buck’s after his shift. As the sound of the shower runs in the background, Buck noticed the edge of a small black notebook peeking out from the unzipped pocket of the bag.
His heart pounds. He hesitates, fingers twitching as he stares at the notebook. “Don’t do it, Buck,” he muttered to himself. “Don’t be that guy.”
But then he whispers, “What if he’s hiding something from me?” and before he can stop himself, the notebook is already in his hands.
With a deep breath, he flipped it open. The first page takes his breath away. The notebook isn’t about work or random thoughts.
It’s about him.
Each page is filled with detailed, heartfelt entries:
“Evan overanalyzes everything, and sometimes it drives him crazy. But I love the way his mind works. It’s what makes him him.”
"He has this habit of talking with his hands when he’s excited. He doesn’t even notice, but it’s one of my favorite things about him.”
Buck flipped faster now, his eyes scanning the pages filled with both mundane and extraordinary observations.
“He called me at 2 a.m. because he couldn’t sleep and just wanted to hear my voice. I didn’t tell him, but I couldn’t sleep either until I heard his.”
"Apparently, Evan believes in curses. I don't believe them but I actually find it quite endearing seeing how serious he gets about it. It's cute."
There are even notes about the past few days, when Buck had been pouring extra effort into getting Tommy’s attention:
“Evan cooked for me last night. It wasn’t perfect, but I could taste how much he cared in every bite.”
“He planned a date to the park I mentioned loving once, months ago. How did he even remember that?"
"He's been doing this a lot, trying to get my attention. He doesn't have to do anything though, he has all my attention from the start."
There was even a whole page dedicated to a rough sketch of him. Buck recognized the reference—it’s from a candid picture Tommy had taken of him, the same one on Tommy’s lock screen.
When Tommy comes out of the bathroom, toweling his hair, he spots Buck sitting at the kitchen island, the notebook open in front of him.
“Evan,” Tommy said softly, his tone a mixture of surprise and amusement.
Buck looked up, eyes wide and glistening. “You wrote all this? About me?” His voice cracked, disbelief and emotion mingling. He grips the notebook tightly, his hands trembling as he stood up from the chair. He wanted to walk towards Tommy, but his feet stay rooted in place, his mind still reeling from everything he’s just read.
Tommy froze for a moment before setting the towel aside and started walking over slowly to his boyfriend. He started off with a nervous chuckle, “It’s just... something I started for myself. To remember all the reasons why you mean so much to me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Buck whispered, his eyes locked on Tommy’s. His heart feels so full he doesn’t know how to process it. No one has ever done something so thoughtful, so deeply personal, for him.
Tommy stepped closer, placing a hand on Buck’s cheek. “Because it wasn’t about you knowing. It was about me appreciating you. About seeing all the things that makes you... you.”
Buck’s breath hitched as he pulled Tommy into a hug so tight it’s like he’s afraid to let go. “This is- this is the most thoughtful, beautiful thing anyone’s ever done for me. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
Tommy pulled back just enough to look at him, his gaze soft and steady. “I think I do.” He nodded toward the tears welling in Buck’s eyes. With a small smile, he gently wiped a tear threatening to escape and leaned in to kiss him softly.
They settled onto the couch a few moments later, Buck snuggling into Tommy with the notebook between them. Buck flipped to a random page, eyes scanning it with rapt attention. He lets out a disbelieving laugh, shaking his head. “This is incredible,” Buck murmured, “I mean, who does this?”
Tommy chuckled, nudging him lightly. “I don't know, some crazy guy?”
Tommy could feel Buck shaking in his arms as he lets out a laugh. The younger raised his head so he can look at Tommy, a wide grin plastered across his face. "Yeah, my crazy guy." He said, snickering when Tommy failed to hide the faint blush creeping up his ears.
After the initial shock of reading the notebook, Buck feels a sense of calm settle over him. Tommy’s words are heartfelt, and though they’re simple moments captured in time, they speak volumes. He can’t help but smile, flipping through the pages slowly.
He saw one of the entries and immediately bursts into laughter. “Wait a second. You wrote about Billy Boils?!”
Tommy did his scrunchy smile, already knowing where this is headed. “Obviously. That was a moment, Evan.”
Buck pointed at the page with mock indignation. “‘Evan was so convinced he was cursed, I ended up telling Billy Boils to lift the curse. I guess I half-believed it too.’”
He looked up, grinning. “Half-believed? You told Billy Boils to lift the curse!”
“I was just covering all bases. You were spiraling so hard, I figured it couldn’t hurt." Tommy rolled his eyes, but his smile betrayed him.
Buck scoffed and nudged him playfully. “Admit it, you were starting to believe it too.” He stared at Tommy with a teasing look, the corner of his lips pointing upwards in a mischievous smile.
“I admit nothing,” Tommy replied, but the way his mouth twitched says otherwise. Buck chuckled and placed a small kiss on his jaw and continued flipping through the pages.
Tommy watched him quietly, admiring the way his boyfriend lit up as he reads the entries. When Buck finally looks up, his eyes are shining with something between amusement and tenderness.
“So you’ve been documenting our relationship this whole time?” Buck teased, pointing to one of the entries where Tommy described their second date at the coffee shop where Buck got him horrible coffee, but he finished it anyway because Buck paid for it.
Tommy chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess you could say that. It’s my way of holding onto things, even the little stuff.” He paused with a small, playful smile. "Also I'm not getting any younger, my memory will betray me at some point."
Buck raised an eyebrow, looking at Tommy with a smirk. “You? Forgetting things? You’re starting to sound like Eddie.” Tommy laughed, shrugging. “Hey, it happens to the best of us.”
Buck gave him a soft smile, his voice light. “Well, lucky for you, I’m here to help you remember all the good stuff. I’ve got a pretty good memory myself,” he proudly announced as he tapped a finger to his temple. "Especially about how amazing I am."
Tommy smiled back, clearly amused. “You're pretty hard to forget, Evan. I don't think you have to worry about that,” he stated, his voice soft and steady as his fingers started playing with Buck's curls.
Buck raised an eyebrow. “Well, I have to say, I’m honored. I had no idea I was such a big deal.” Buck felt himself leaning into Tommy's touch. He loves it when Tommy plays with his hair. It's that kind of thing that makes him feel so cared for and he just loves the feeling of having someone he trusts be so comfortable within his space.
Tommy smirked, but his tone came out incredulous . “You should know by now, you’re kind of a big deal to me.” He said, referring to one of the entries that the other had read a while ago. Buck grinned, his heart swelling. “I think I might need to reread that part. Maybe a couple of times.”
They spend the next hour flipping through the notebook, Buck teasing Tommy about some of the more heartfelt, almost-too-sweet entries, but never for a second dismissing their significance. Tommy talks about how he’s watched Buck grow over the months, how he’s seen him deal with his struggles and his triumphs, and how it’s left a deep impression on him.
Buck looked down at the notebook, then back up at Tommy, suddenly struck by how deeply he feels for this man, how lucky he is to have found him. He closed the notebook gently, placing it down on the coffee table between them.
“You know, I think this might be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me,” Buck admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.
Tommy’s eyes softened, and he reached for Buck’s hand. “It’s just a notebook, Evan. It’s not a big deal.”
Buck shook his head, squeezing Tommy’s hand. “No, it’s a huge deal. You’ve been keeping track of us, of everything we’ve been through, and it makes me realize just how much I want to keep making memories with you. No matter how small.”
Tommy looked at him, his expression tender. “I think I could live with that.”
They sit in comfortable silence for a moment, letting the weight of the evening settle in. By now, they've switched positions with Tommy leaning his head on Buck’s shoulder, and Buck resting his cheek against Tommy’s hair, both of them lost in the quiet of the moment.
“I want to read the rest of this later,” Buck murmured. “Can we do that again? Just… you and me?”
Tommy grinned, his voice low and teasing. “You want to read my personal thoughts again, huh? I didn’t think you’d be that interested.”
“Are you kidding?” Buck laughed softly. “You’re keeping a whole secret archive of me. I have to know what else you’re writing in there.”
Tommy chuckled, pulling Buck closer. “I’ll let you in on the rest of it… as long as you promise not to make fun of me.”
Buck looked down at him, his heart full. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
They kiss, soft and slow, letting the warmth of the evening settle into their bones. It’s the kind of night that feels like a beginning, a new chapter for them both. The notebook isn’t just a collection of thoughts. It’s a symbol of everything they’ve built together, a quiet record of love, both seen and unseen, and all the little moments that make life worth living.
And Buck, for the first time in a long time, feels truly seen.