Chapter Text
Eddie doesn’t assume much of the question at first. Which is perhaps a mistake on his part. But after months away, months of little to no conversation, he’s just happy that his son is holding a conversation with him. So, Eddie doesn’t think much of it, when Christopher asks, “What are you doing for Christmas?”
It’s mid-November, and Eddie isn’t entirely sure, but he says, “I don’t know. Working, probably.”
He doesn’t say that even if by some miracle he didn’t have to work, he’d end up trading shifts with someone else, because the idea of spending Christmas by himself while his son is still hundreds of miles away is a thought too painful to bear.
He doesn’t miss how Chris looks disappointed at this answer. “Okay.”
So, Eddie quickly amends, “I mean, it’s not set in stone yet. If I… wasn’t working, did you have an idea?” He imagines a Christmas day facetime call. It wouldn’t be that unlike some other years when he and Chris couldn’t see each other in person on the actual holiday because he was working.
Chris looks offscreen and shrugs. “I was just thinking it might be nice if we could be together on Christmas.” And that— that thought makes Eddie want to cry, but before he can get his hopes up too much, Chris continues. “And I was wondering if you’d maybe be able to come to Texas for it?”
Eddie’s heart about leaps out of his chest. Because. “Yes. Yeah, that sounds great, buddy. I think, I mean, I can talk to Bobby and see. But I’d really like that.” It’s not… perfect, of course. Ideally, Chris would be home in L.A. for Christmas. But the thought that Chris even wants to see him. Actually see him, in person, not just over a screen. Yeah, that’s everything Eddie could have ever hoped for.
Chris smiles. An actual, real, genuine smile. “Really?”
“Of course.”
They continue talking a bit, but Eddie can tell there’s something else Christopher wants to say, something he’s holding back. Eddie questions him on it and watches as Chris’ expression turns to one of nervousness again as he asks, “Do you think Buck could come?”
And Eddie— yeah, he wants that, too. He wants nothing more than to spend the holidays with his two favorite people in the world. He’s pretty sure he knows what Buck’s answer would be, but he still says, “I’ll ask him. I’m sure he’d want to, I just don’t know if we’ll both be able to get the time off.”
It’s not too much longer before Chris has to go, and Eddie signs off, pretending that his skin isn’t buzzing with anticipation and excitement the entire time. Chris wants to see him! In person! For Christmas!
As soon as he’s off with Chris, he calls Bobby. He doesn’t actually expect him to pick up, but he’s pleasantly surprised when he’s greeted with an “Eddie, what’s up?”
Eddie, with his thoughts still going a mile a minute, manages a, “Hey, Bobby, sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“No worries,” Bobby soothes, “I’m just working on dinner.” Eddie notices the soft tapping sound in the background, and he recognizes the familiar sound of Bobby chopping something.
“Um, well, I just got off the phone with Chris,” Eddie begins to explain.
“How’s that going? Good, I hope.”
Out of everybody besides Buck, Bobby is the one who knows the most about the situation with Christopher and how it’s been progressing over the last several months. Eddie lets out a shaky breath, still in disbelief over the fact that any of this is happening at all, that it was Chris’ idea.
“Yeah. It’s good! Um, Chris actually said that, uh, that he wants us to spend Christmas together.”
Eddie can hear the smile in Bobby’s voice when he responds. “Oh, Eddie, that’s great! Do you know if that means he’s closer to wanting to come home?”
Eddie’s excitement dips a bit. “I don’t know. Bobby, he— he wants me to come to Texas for Christmas.”
“I see,” Bobby pauses, as if he’s considering, rearranging and organizing his thoughts. Right as Eddie’s about to tell him that’s it’s not a big deal if he can’t do that, Bobby says, “I think I can make that work. What are you thinking? About a week?”
Eddie hasn’t really thought that far ahead, so he communicates this before adding, “If all I can get is enough time to fly to Texas and maybe spend the 24th and the 25th with him and then have to come back for a shift on the 26th, that’d be fine. I don’t want to push it too much.”
“Eddie, you haven’t seen him in months, we can work something out so that you can spend more than a couple days there.”
“Thank you, Bobby.”
“Of course, and if you ever want to talk about the situation any more, you know my door’s always open.”
Eddie almost starts to wrap up the call before realizing he’s left out another piece of information.
“Oh, also, and I understand this is a big ask, so if it’s not possible, that’s completely fine, but— Chris also asked if Buck could come with. And I already told him that’s probably too difficult, so it’s perfectly fine if we can’t—”
Bobby cuts Eddie off. “Difficult, but not impossible. Let me check around, see what strings I can pull, and I’ll let you know as soon as I can, alright?”
And Eddie feels it. The hope crawling up into his chest. The hope that’s been there since Chris mentioned it at all, but the possibility that any of it may be possible, now? Oh, that hope is going to eat Eddie alive.
“Thank you, Bobby. Thank you so much.”
“I’ll talk to you later, Eddie.”
Look, Eddie knows that Bobby is a great person, a problem-solver. What he was not aware of, is that fact that his captain is a fucking miracle worker.
The following day, as Eddie is getting ready in the locker room, Buck strolls in with a grin. “So, I just had a very interesting conversation with Bobby.”
Eddie doesn’t think much of it, just says, “Oh, yeah?”
And he expects to hear about a new recipe, or updates on Bobby and Athena’s new house. Instead, Buck says, “He told me that our time off is approved, and ‘he hopes that Eddie and I have a good time.’”
Eddie’s head snaps up at this. He hadn’t even told Buck yet because he figured he’d have time, not that Bobby would be able to work magic and have an answer for them the next day.
When Eddie doesn’t respond, Buck just continues. “So, I just told him thanks and figured I’d find you to see if you could give me an answer about this time off that I didn’t even know I was requesting.”
“Christmas,” Eddie blurts out. “Chris wants us to come to Texas. For Christmas. Both of us.”
Buck’s eyebrows shoot up. “Are you serious?” Eddie nods and a huge smile overtakes Buck’s face. “Eddie, that’s great!”
“I just talked to Chris about it yesterday and then Bobby soon after, and I didn’t think he’d have it sorted out this quickly. And I was going to ask you, of course, it’s just—”
“Well, I would’ve said yes, of course,” Buck reassures. “Oh, this is going to be so fun, Eddie.”
Over the course of the shift, Eddie does get the chance to talk to Bobby about it, working out the specific dates that they’ll be gone so he can start looking into flights and hotels. But as far as the how of it all, Bobby won’t give him a direct answer. Just tells him to enjoy his time off with his family. And he knows Bobby means his sisters, Abuela, and Christopher, of course. But while they’re all sitting down to eat, he glances over to see Buck excitedly explaining something to Hen, a fond smile on her own face, and Eddie’s heart does flips in his chest. Yes, he’s excited to spend Christmas with his family.
Eddie’s sitting at the island in the loft, looking at flights, as Buck is making lunch.
“And I feel a little bad, but Chim says he really doesn’t mind. Maddie’s working on Christmas anyway. And he says this is probably one of the last years they can get away with not celebrating on the day itself, cause she’s not exactly reading calendars at this age.”
Eddie nods in agreement, adding, “And she’ll be with the Lees, right?”
“Exactly,” Buck agrees, “so it’s not like she won’t be with family. And I think they’re planning to take her over to Hen and Karen’s for a while, too, so it’ll all work out. But I do still kind of wish Maddie and Chim could spend this Christmas with Jee, seeing as next year they’ll have—” Buck suddenly cuts himself off. His back is facing Eddie, so Eddie can’t see his expression, but he notices the way Buck’s shoulders tense.
“They’ll be able to spend next Christmas with Jee-yun, Buck. Why wouldn’t they?”
Eddie can tell that Buck’s hiding something. Not like a huge secret that’s weighing him down, but more… just something he really wants to tell Eddie but can’t.
Buck turns to face him. “They will be able to spend it with her. I just… can’t explain. Like I’m worried it might not be as special.”
Eddie chuckles. “She’s a kid, Buck. Christmas is special on principle. You’re not planning on killing Santa or something, are you?”
This makes Buck let out a laugh and he goes back to cooking. Eddie takes another moment to admire Buck. He’s wearing one of those shirts that’s just slightly too small and how can Eddie not take a moment to admire the muscles of his back, moving ever so slightly as he continues cooking. Eddie’s never thought cooking was particularly attractive, but he’s realizing more and more lately that being hopelessly in love with your best friend means finding everything that they do attractive.
“No. Listen, it’ll all make sense later. But right now, I’m being a good friend and a good brother, so you just have to trust me.”
“Well, trust me, Buck. I think everyone at the station on all shifts has already tried offering to take Chim’s shift, and he says no every time, so I really don’t think you have anything to feel bad about. Hey, what are your thoughts on these flights?” He turns the screen so Buck can look them over.
Buck hums. “Should be fine, are you sure you’re going to be able to do a 6am flight though?” he teases.
“Are you going to be able to do a 6am flight?”
Buck scoffs. “I’m the morning person, here, so I really don’t think I’m the one you should be worried about.”
“Alright, I’m going to buy them, then.”
“Sounds good. I can send you the money for mine, or I can get the hotel, if you’re good with that.”
“I’m fine covering it. Consider it a thank you for coming with,” Eddie replies with a wave of his hand. He doesn’t say that he feels bad that Buck is doing this. For him. For his son. And that none of this would have to happening if he hadn’t fucked up and chased his son out of the state in the first place.
But Buck frowns, knowing at least some of what he’s thinking. “You don’t have to thank me. I want to come with. You know I’d do anything for Chris, and I’m excited to see him.” And Eddie knows it’s just his imagination, but something about the way Buck says his name feels a little bit like you could replace ‘Chris’ with ‘our son’ and nothing would change. And it’s true, isn’t it? Christopher isn’t just Eddie’s son, he’s their son. And he has been, for a few years, at least. If only Eddie was brave enough to say that.
“I’ll get the hotel,” Buck repeats.
And Eddie doesn’t argue despite the fact that he will not be letting Buck do that. He just goes back to purchasing the tickets. Buck seems to be at a pause in their dinner, just waiting for stuff to be done, and he’s scrolling on his phone when Eddie’s own phone starts ringing.
Eddie’s in the middle of typing in his card number, and he glances over at it, but Buck says, “I got it.”
Buck picks up the phone and smiles. “Chris!” he greets excitedly.
“Hi, Buck!” Chris replies.
“Your dad’s here, too, I’ve got you on speaker.”
“Hey, buddy,” Eddie says. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much. Just wanted to talk to you.”
And that’s something Chris has been doing a lot, too. While before they were only talking when Christopher needed to talk to Eddie about something specific or when Eddie was the one to call first, lately Chris has been calling just because. Just to catch up. Eddie loves it.
“Are you guys working?” Chris asks.
“Nope,” Buck answers. “I was actually trying out a new recipe tonight. One of those ones you sent me on TikTok.” Eddie raises an eyebrow at this. Since when do Chris and Buck exchange recipes on TikTok? Since when do Chris and Buck send TikToks? Since when does his son have a TikTok?
Before Eddie can pose any of these questions, Buck continues talking, “Maybe I’ll have it mastered by the time you come home.” Buck immediately freezes, realizing what he had said. Buck, forever the optimist, always said when Chris came home whenever they were speaking about the situation, while Eddie was a little less hopeful about the whole thing. He tried to avoid the topic at all in front of Chris himself.
Despite the fact that Eddie and Buck are nervous about Christopher’s reaction, all they get is, “Cool.”
In an attempt to recover and change the subject, Buck says, “Or maybe, if it’s good enough, I can make it for you in a few weeks.”
Eddie hadn’t yet told Christopher that he and Buck would be able to come for Christmas, but he was glad that Buck was here for it, so he could hear the excitement in Chris’ voice when he said, “Really? You guys are coming?”
Eddie matches Buck’s smile with one of his own. “Yeah, we’ll both be there for about a full week. We just bought the plane tickets and I’m going to start looking at hotels right now.”
A new voice cuts in from the back. “You don’t need a hotel when you can stay here with me.”
“That’s very kind of you abuela, but—”
Buck interrupts him, “That sounds great, actually. We’d appreciate it.”
And truthfully, it’s near the holidays and they’re booking quite late, so the flight was already a good amount of money and he’s not exactly excited to see what hotel prices would look like.
He still tries to put up a fight. “I really don’t want to impose.”
He doesn’t even have to hear her response to know what she’s going to say. “It’s really no issue. There’s room here. It’s been too long since I’ve seen either of you, anyway.”
Buck just gives him a smirk, knowing he’s gotten what he wanted.
Eddie’s not really sure how he’s expected to exist over the next few weeks because all he can think about is his plans for the holiday. But somehow, he manages to go about his daily life as normal. He can tell that Buck is feeling similarly and he’s delightfully surprised at the fact that Christopher also seems excited.
Before he knows it, the day has come, and he (reluctantly) and Buck (significantly less reluctantly) are getting to airport at an ungodly hour and boarding their flight. He’s eternally grateful to his sister. Sophia not only offered to pick them up from the airport, but also offered to let them borrow her car so they don’t have to rent one. Eddie told her it was no problem, but she insisted that with the kids out of school, she and her husband could survive being one car down, and if needed, she just might request some extra help from Eddie. And he definitely wouldn’t say no to seeing the kids a bit extra.
It doesn’t occur to him that Buck’s never actually met either of his sisters, or a decent amount of his family until they’re navigating the airport. But it really shouldn’t matter, because Buck’s just his friend. It’s not like they’re dating or anything. But Eddie realizes that Buck seems… nervous.
He’s about to reassure Buck that there’s no reason to worry when he hears a familiar voice call, “Eddie!” He turns to see Sophia, standing by her car, so he grabs Buck’s hand and starts to lead him in that direction.
As soon as he gets close enough, she pulls him into a tight hug. “Hi stranger.”
Eddie cringes a bit, knowing he hasn’t been the greatest at keeping up with his family, especially his sisters, since moving to L.A. “It’s good to see you.”
When she pulls back, her eyes immediately land on Buck. “And I have to assume you’re the famous—”
“Buck,” Buck introduces, right as Sophia also says his name. “Uh, Evan,” he quickly amends, sticking a hand out to shake. “Evan Buckley, it’s really nice to meet you.”
From this interaction alone, you’d think Buck’s never met another human before, and Eddie really doesn’t understand why Buck is so nervous about it in the first place. Eddie hadn’t been that nervous the first time he met Maddie, but he and Buck also hadn’t known each other for that long by the time he met Maddie. But he thinks back to the moments when Buck had met other members of his family. Buck had been pretty nervous the first time he met Abuela, Pepa, and definitely Christopher. Interestingly enough, he hadn’t been phased at all meeting Eddie’s parents, as if they were the two people out of Eddie’s family whose opinion didn’t actually matter to him. Eddie thinks he’d feel pretty similarly if he were to ever meet the Buckleys. But he also thinks for everyone’s safety and sanity, he should never be allowed near the Buckleys, remembering how hard he tried to avoid them at the hospital when Buck was in his coma.
“But everyone calls him Buck,” Eddie adds, when Buck doesn’t do it himself. He’s fairly certain Sophia knows that from hearing Christopher talk about him, but he’s not taking any chances. He just got away from hearing Buck’s ex call him Evan for six months, and he will not be having any members of his own family doing that.
Sophia gives him a kind smile and Buck’s posture relaxes slightly. “It’s very nice to meet you, Buck.”
They load up their bags in the car and get on their way.
Sophia drives to her own house, and passes the car off to Eddie, passing along a subtle threat to not damage it. Eddie thanks her again and double checks that she won’t need it for the rest of the day, but she assures him that it’ll be fine.
“How do you feel about going for breakfast?” Eddie asks.
“You don’t want to go see Chris right away?”
Eddie laughs. Just because they’ve been apart for a while doesn’t mean he doesn’t know his kid. “Are you kidding? He’s a 14-year-old on winter break, we’re lucky if he’s awake before noon.”
After breakfast, they head to Abuela’s. She greets them with hugs and kisses on the cheek and she and Buck immediately dive into conversation about some telenovela that they both watch. Eddie chuckles to himself and takes their bags to the guest room before taking a nap.
He wakes to the feeling of the mattress dipping as Buck lays down next to him, not gently with the intention of taking a nap as well, but plopping himself down. He lays on his side, propping his head up with his arm and smiling down at Eddie.
“Good nap?” he asks.
Eddie just groans in response.
Buck looks around the modest guest room and says, “This is cozy.”
“And most importantly,” Eddie adds, “Free.”
Buck nods in agreement then meets Eddie’s gaze again. And they’re… quite close. And it’s not like the bed is too small, it’s an adequate size, but no bed fits two grown men, firefighters at that, super comfortably. But also, it’s not like he and Buck are clinging to the edge of the mattress, both gravitating towards the middle, making them closer. And suddenly Eddie is far too aware of the fact that he will be sleeping in the same bed as Buck for the next week. It’s not that big of a deal. He and Buck have shared a bed before, for months, in fact, during lockdown, but… It’s the first time they’d be sharing a bed since he realized that the way that he feels about Buck is not even close to platonic. So that’s… going to be an issue, for sure.
For now, Buck says, “Chris was wondering when we were coming over.”
Eddie sits up at this. “If he’s awake, I’m ready to go now.” He checks his phone. 11:24. Well, maybe his son can still surprise him after all.
Eddie spends the drive over a bundle of nerves. He lets Buck drive, typing his parents’ address into the GPS. He can tell Buck is also nervous but doing a much better job at hiding it than Eddie is.
He wastes no time hopping out as soon as they’re there but doesn’t consider the fact that he’s going to have to greet his parents.
His mother answers the door. “Eddie? What are you doing here?”
It’s at this moment that Eddie realizes that he didn’t really communicate with them about it. He had talked to Christopher, of course, and his grandmother, and his sisters, and plenty of his friends back in L.A., but never his parents.
He is incredibly impatient to see his son, but he knows he’s going to have to deal with them for the next several days, so in hopes of keeping some semblance of peace, he decides to be polite. “Uh, surprise! Sorry, I forgot to tell you, but Chris asked if we could come see him for Christmas, so… here we are.”
At the ‘we,’ she looks over at Buck who gives a polite greeting as well. “Hello, Mrs. Diaz. It’s nice to see you again.”
She does not look pleased by Buck’s presence, or the fact that either of them is there at all, but she steps aside, so that they can enter.
“Christopher!” she calls. She looks between the two of them again, as if surprised they’re actually there. “Your… father is here.”
Eddie hears the sounds of Chris’ crutches as he makes his way down the hallway and Eddie can’t help the smile that overtakes his face when he sees his son. He’s suddenly back to a decade prior, not seeing his son for months on end and coming back to him looking so much bigger than when he last saw him.
“Dad! Buck! You’re actually here!” he exclaims.
“Of course we are,” Buck is quick to respond.
His instinct is to run to Chris, hold him tight, and never let him go, but truthfully… he doesn’t know where they stand. They’d been talking a lot lately, sure, and Chris wanted to see him in person, but he’s not sure if they’re back on hugging terms.
So he follows Christopher’s lead, approaching him slowly. When they’re close enough, Eddie asks, “Can I hug you?”
Christopher nods, and Eddie doesn’t hesitate for a second longer, wrapping his son in his arms firmly (and mourning that he doesn’t have to lean down as much to do so). As much as it pains him to, he lets go as soon as he feels that Chris is ready and watches as Chris walks over to Buck to hug him, too. And damn, if that isn’t a sight that pulls at Eddie’s heart.
“I’m really glad you guys came,” Chris says. “Let me show you my room!”
Buck begins to follow Christopher, but notices Eddie’s not following. “Uh, you guys go ahead,” Eddie says, “I’ll catch up in a minute.”
He doesn’t even need his parents to tell him, just follows his mother to the kitchen and sits down.
“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It was all really last minute, and it totally slipped my mind,” he explains.
“It slipped your mind to let your parents know you’re going to be in town for Christmas? That seems like a pretty big thing to forget,” his dad says as he joins them.
“I don’t know why you would even do this, Eddie,” Helena adds. “I mean, I can’t imagine how difficult it was to get the time off work, not to mention the price of the flight or your hotel.”
“Well, I don’t exactly have a teenager in my house right now, so I’ve had some extra money lying around. Besides, we’re staying at Abuela’s, so we don’t have to stay at a hotel—”
“I know we taught you better than to take advantage of your grandmother’s kindness like that,” she cuts in.
“I know,” he says, so tired of them interrupting him all the time. “And I tried telling her that, but she insisted.”
Ramon frowns. “There’s not enough room for the two of you there. That couch is not comfortable enough to sleep on for an entire week.”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “We’re mature enough to be able to share a bed.”
“You’re two grown men! You cannot share a bed.”
“It’s perfectly big enough.”
“That’s not what we’re worried about, and you know it, Eddie,” Helena continues. “It’s… weird.”
Eddie feels his stomach twist. He has a feeling he knows what they’re getting at, but he decides to push. “Weird how?”
His mother lowers her voice to a whisper. “Eddie, it’s… it’s not natural.”
And there it is. There’s a part of him that wonders why it took him so long to figure out his sexuality, and even though he’s only really been sorting it out over the last several weeks, he’s jealous when he sees someone like Buck, who took to it like fish to water, when he’s still struggling to feel comfortable with that part of himself. But it makes sense when he looks at his parents. These people who were never openly homophobic, but would look at their son and tell him it’s not ‘natural’ to share a bed with his best friend.
“I’m not here to deal with your homophobia right now—”
Ramon cuts in, “Eddie, we would never—”
But Eddie’s not in any mood to hear their excuses. “Yes, you are. You’re turning this into something it’s not, trying to imply something about myself and Buck, but there’s nothing wrong with us sleeping in the same bed for a few nights. And even if we were together, which we’re not, there’d be nothing weird or unnatural about that.”
He feels glad to have that off his chest, imagining the high fives he’d get from Frank, Father Brian, or Hen.
Of course, rather than actually responding directly to what Eddie said, Helena just latches onto another point to attack him for. “I just don’t understand why he’s here at all.”
“Chris wanted him to be here,” Eddie says simply.
“But it’s Christmas,” she says, “And Christmas is for family.”
“Buck is his family.”
“No, he’s not, Eddie,” his father argues.
“He’s been a major part of Christopher’s life for the last six years, helping me raise him, he deserves to be here just as much as anyone else.”
“It’s not like he’s Christopher’s father,” his mom scolds.
“Well, the way you’ve been treating me lately, you’d think I wasn’t either,” Eddie snaps.
Before his parents can say anything else, he walks out of the room, composing himself as he makes his way to Chris’ room. He finds the two in a conversation about a new video game Chris has been playing. He wants to stop and listen to the two of them for a minute, but he also just wants to get out of this house.
He pokes his head in and says, “Hey guys, how about some ice cream?”
Both of them immediately brighten at this idea and get up to follow Eddie out.
As he reaches the front door, his parents intervene.
“Where are you going, Eddie?” Helena asks.
“You can’t keep avoiding conversations,” Ramon adds.
And oh that’s rich. But he knows Chris is not too far behind him so he’s not going to fight with them. Instead just saying, “I’m not avoiding anything. I came here to spend time with my son, so I’m going to spend time with my son. And I don’t have to be in this house to do that. We’re going to get ice cream.”
His mother huffs. “He hasn’t even had lunch.”
“Even better,” Eddie replies. “We’ll get lunch first.”
He heads out and he knows Buck and Chris aren’t too far behind him. As he’s walking to the car, he hears Chris saying goodbye to his parents. And he hears Buck jog the few steps to catch up to him and feels Buck’s hand on his shoulder to give it a quick squeeze before letting go. Eddie misses the contact immediately.
“Everything okay?” Buck asks.
Eddie sighs, wishing he could say yes. “I’ll tell you later.”
When they reach the car, he turns back to watch Chris walk over to them.
“So what are we thinking for lunch?” Buck inquires.
As they drive to one of Chris’ favorite restaurants, Chris is quiet. Eddie is too, so it’s just Buck singing every now and again to the music.
Eventually, Chris speaks. “You guys were fighting.”
Eddie turns a panicked glance to Buck at this, but Buck quietly assures him, “We couldn’t hear specifics of what you were saying. Just that voices were being raised.”
“Is it because of me?” Chris asks.
Eddie is quick to respond to this. “No, of course not. I forgot to tell them that we were coming for Christmas, so they were a little upset that they didn’t know or have time to prepare.” Chris doesn’t need to know all the rest of what they said. “But nobody’s mad at you, I promise.”
Chris seems to believe this enough, but he’s still quiet for some of the car ride, though he occasionally joins in Buck’s singing. Eddie just watches and listens to them, happy to be back together as a unit, as they belong.
When they get to the restaurant, Eddie lets Buck and Chris take over the conversation, choosing to just sit back and listen. He doesn’t actually know how much Buck and Christopher have talked in the last several months. He knows Buck has been keeping their conversations to himself, especially during those first few rough months where Eddie’s contact with his son was little to none, because the last thing Buck wanted to do was rub it in Eddie’s face that Chris was talking to Buck more than his own father. But Eddie also knows they haven’t talked nearly as much as they used to, so he’s sure they have plenty to say to each other.
Eddie’s listening to the conversation, of course, but he’s not paying full attention because a lot of the topics are a bit too complex for him to follow exactly (he’s not nearly as familiar with some of these newer video games). And he’s still mulling over his conversation with his parents. He’s truly not surprised, he knows his parents, but after six years of living in L.A. with such a progressive team, it’s definitely a change being back here and around people like that.
And the thing is, Eddie doesn’t really believe in the universe. And he’s pretty certain he really doesn’t believe in God, either. But he knows that if a higher power exists, it hates him. Because as soon as he tunes his full attention back into the conversation, he hears one name that he really thought he’d been able to get away from.
“How’s your boyfriend, Buck?” Chris asks innocently. He pretends to think for a moment, searching for the name. “Tommy?”
And Eddie didn’t really know Christopher’s opinion on Tommy. He seemed to at least tolerate him back when Tommy was just Eddie’s friend, but after Buck and Tommy started dating, Chris seemed… less enthused about his existence. But Eddie’s not sure if that’s his son’s actual feelings or if he’s just projecting his own. Because, look, Tommy had been fine, once upon a time. He liked basketball and Muay Tuai and that was cool, but it didn’t take Eddie long to realize that Tommy just… wasn’t a very interesting person.
And yes, Eddie can recognize that he has a history of disliking Buck’s partners. And now that he’s realized that his feelings towards Buck are a lot less platonic than he had previously thought, he can admit that at least some of that was probably jealousy. But it’s not entirely Eddie’s problem. Not all of them have been particularly likeable people. Take, for example, Taylor Kelly, and how that whole thing ended.
But Eddie’s a good friend, so he’s been tolerating Tommy’s presence. Playing nice with him. But when Buck told him they had broken up, Eddie had never been more relieved. Eddie could’ve sworn he’d mentioned this fact to Christopher, but apparently, he misremembered.
Eddie watches as Buck cringes a little at the mention. “Uh, we broke up.”
And Eddie knows he must be mistaken when he sees the glee flash in his son’s eyes. “You broke up with him?”
Eddie wants to intervene in any way he can, steer them away from this conversation, but he can’t think of anything to say, so instead he just sits there, eyes flicking between the two of them.
“Well, he actually broke up with me,” Buck explains.
And even now, far removed from when it actually happened, Eddie feels the same anger flare up in his gut. Because how stupid do you have to be to break up with Buck?
“That’s so dumb,” Chris replies. And Eddie can’t stifle his laugh at this response. “Why would he do that?”
Buck’s looks over at Eddie and he rolls his eyes when he sees Eddie laughing. He seems to be deciding what to say. And truly, what should he say? Eddie doesn’t even really understand Tommy’s reasons for dumping Buck, not that he was too sad to see him go. And he knows Buck struggled with it for a while there. Actually, now that he’s thinking about it, Buck’s need to bake constantly seemed to have died down at least some since they started planning this trip. He’s sure something else probably happened to make Buck less stressed and constantly thinking about Tommy, but he does think it’s a funny coincidence.
Buck finally decides to say, “It’s complicated. Grown up stuff.”
“Are you sad about it?” Chris inquires. And Eddie is once again wondering what has got his teenage son so interested in this whole situation, especially when he can see that neither Buck nor Eddie is too enthused with the subject.
“Not terribly. I was, a little, at first.”
Chris raises an eyebrow at this, an expression that Eddie’s fairly certain Chris got from him. “Because you loved him?”
“No!” Buck blurts, then blushes at his quick response. “I mean. I was sad, sure, but it wasn’t that bad.” In an attempt to change the subject, Buck says, “I actually did a lot of baking after that, and I’m really excited to be able to make some of those recipes for you.”
“So you weren’t in love with Tommy?”
At this, Eddie’s decides to step in, partially for Buck’s sake and partially because he really cannot stand another second of talking about Tommy. “Okay, buddy, how about we talk about something else?”
“Oh, well. You can do better than him anyway,” Chris says with a shrug.
Buck blushes a bit. “Well, I appreciate that, Chris.”
“You’re not dating someone new yet, are you?”
And Eddie wants to know what has changed in Chris’ life that has suddenly made Buck’s dating life the most interesting thing in the world. He’s so focused on Chris that he only notices the wistful expression on Buck’s face right as it’s leaving, changing into a more controlled, neutral expression.
“Nope,” Buck answers simply.
“Are you trying to find someone new to date?”
Buck’s throws a confused expression in Eddie’s direction, like he, too, is wondering why all this is so interesting to Chris. But truthfully, Eddie’s a little curious about Buck’s answer on this one. It’s been nearly two months since the breakup, and since Buck hasn’t even mentioned Tommy in weeks, maybe he’s ready to move on. The prospect hurts Eddie’s heart a little. He was coming to his own realization right around the time that they broke up, so it’s not like he had to watch Buck be in a relationship with someone while also knowing that he was in love with him.
He watches as Buck’s face goes through a few expressions before settling back on a smile that’s not quite genuine as he says, “Not really. I think I’m probably just going to be single for a while.”
And Eddie laughs internally as the lyrics to one of those pop songs Buck loves so much pops into his mind.
If you’ve got a girlfriend, I’m jealous of her
But if you’re single, that’s honestly worse
Chris seems like he has another question for Buck, and Eddie’s really not sure how much more discussion of Buck’s love life he can take, but luckily their food comes and the table’s attention shifts.
After lunch and ice cream, Buck and Christopher want to do some window shopping, and Eddie is perfectly content to just walk around, listening to their conversations and adding in commentary from time to time, but otherwise just sitting back and watching them interact.
It’s a perfect afternoon in his opinion, but sometimes… sometimes he looks over at Buck and Chris giggling to themselves, and they make so much sense together, like if Eddie didn’t know any better himself, it’d be so easy to mistake them for father and son. And that thought makes his heart ache. When it gets too strong, he has to force himself to turn around, to look anywhere else.
And (not that he believes in it) the universe not only hates him, but has one hell of a sense of humor. Because low and behold, the store that he sets his eyes on is a ring shop. He has to laugh at his own plight. He lets himself imagine, just for a second, in an imagined world where Buck does actually love him back, giving Buck a ring for Christmas. Giving Buck promises of a life together, of his undying love that Buck doesn’t even know he has in this one, a life of not having to shy away from people’s assumptions that he’s Chris’ father, a life where Eddie can look his parents in the eyes and say, Yes, I’m gay and this is my partner who is helping me raise Christopher, so yes, he is Christopher’s father and I don’t give a damn what you have to say about it.
But that’s not the life that he has.
He turns back to his family to find Buck already staring at him, an inquisitive look that’s also a little… vulnerable. Worried. Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything about it, just jumps right back into the conversation.
It makes Eddie realize that he doesn’t actually have a Christmas present for Buck, not that he and Buck necessarily exchange gifts most years, but this year he wants to. As a thank you for coming with him and putting up with his parents. But also just to remind Buck how much he means to him. Buck is always the guy with such a low self-esteem, it wouldn’t hurt to remind him that he’s appreciated.
While Chris and Buck pop into the next store, Eddie lets them know he’s going to hang back to make a phone call.
Upon opening his phone, he sends two quick texts because he doesn’t want to try calling if they’re busy. While he’s waiting for a reply, he sends a quick response to his parents that they were out still, Christopher is fine, and yes, they will be back in time for dinner.
Bobby texts back first, assuring that he’s free to talk to Eddie.
“Eddie, how’s it going?”
“It’s great, honestly. We’re having a lot of fun. I don’t have too much time at the moment,” he glances up to make sure Buck and Chris are still plenty distracted walking around the store. “I was just wondering if you might be able to give me any ideas on what to get Buck for Christmas.”
Bobby laughs hard at this, and Eddie really doesn’t understand what’s so funny. “Have you two ever considered just talking to each other for once? Ask him what he wants for Christmas,” Bobby advises.
Eddie huffs. “I can’t just ask him. It should be a surprise.”
“Are you looking for a gift that’s practical and that he needs right now or something a bit more symbolic?”
And Eddie really isn’t sure, honestly. “Um, yes?”
Bobby laughs even harder at this. “Consider asking him if there’s anything he wants or needs at the moment. But if you’re going the more symbolic route… I’m not sure.”
“Come on, Bobby, you’ve got to have some idea,” Eddie pushes, more of a tease than anything because they both know how often everyone turns to Bobby for advice. He’s the all-knowing Bobby, of course he’d have ideas.
“Kid, the first Christmas Athena and I spent together, I gave her an engagement ring. I don’t think you want my ideas.”
They both laugh at this. And yeah, Eddie can’t exactly do that. But his brain unhelpfully supplies just how to get back to that ring shop he saw earlier, just in case.
“It wouldn’t hurt to just give him something that reminds him how much he means to you, Eddie,” Bobby says finally.
And though it’s a little unhelpful because Eddie was thinking that anyway, he thanks Bobby profusely before letting him go. He’s received another response, but Buck and Chris are heading towards the exit of the store, so he lets her know he’ll call her in a minute and chats with the two as they leave.
As soon as they find another store they want to look in, Eddie’s hitting the call button.
“Well, well, what a pleasant surprise,” she greets.
“Hey, thanks for taking my call,” he begins.
“I’m going to assume that because you don’t seem out of sorts, that means my brother is fine. But it does leave me perplexed as to why you wanted to talk to me,” Maddie questions. And although they don’t talk much, Eddie is immediately reminded of just how much he loves talking to Maddie, that being that she reminds him so much of his own sisters. From the moment they met, she’s always treated him with a sense of familiarity just from his own proximity to Buck.
“Sorry I haven’t been as social lately,” he says, an apology he probably owes to most of the 118.
But of course, Maddie’s right there to reassure him, “That’s alright. Buck hasn’t told me much, but he’s kept me updated enough.” And Eddie knows that she probably got the same story that everyone else did: Chris and Eddie had a pretty big falling out, so Chris is staying in Texas with Eddie’s parents.
“I was hoping you might be able to help me figure out what to get Buck for Christmas.”
Eddie hears the glee in Maddie’s voice as she speaks, “Oooh, of course! I mean, I’m sure you’re already planning on getting him something to show him what he means to you. So, if I may, what does he mean to you?”
And this is the part where if Eddie was brave enough, he’d tell Maddie just how in love with Buck he is. Because there’s a big part of him that wants nothing more than to shout it from the rooftops. But he’s only been able to utter the words I’m gay twice, and one of those was into his own mirror. Saying out loud all of the Buck thoughts in his brain feels ten times scarier than that. So, instead:
“He’s… he’s Buck. He’s my best friend. The one person I can depend on for… for everything.”
Maddie’s words are gentle. “I think the best thing you could give him, Eddie, is just to tell him that. I think he has a really hard time remembering just how much people appreciate him and that we all love him and value his presence in our lives. And that… no matter what, we won’t leave him, because we love him.”
The ring idea keeps getting more and more tempting, but luckily Maddie’s words also spark some other inspiration, so Eddie has at least a few more ideas in his mind. Now if only he can figure out where to get them.
“Thanks, Maddie. I really appreciate it.”
“When you guys are back in town, maybe we can do something?” she suggests.
“Absolutely. We’ll have to plan another night to chat over some wine.” They had done it before and honestly it was the most fun Eddie had had in ages.
Maddie’s a little hesitant. “I’m a little wine’d out for a while, but I definitely like the idea.”
“We’ll workshop it,” he says with a grin.
Eddie spends the rest of the afternoon texting back and forth with Maddie, gathering information for his gift. By the time they arrive at his parents’ house for dinner, he has a good idea of what he’s getting, but he’s increasingly aware of the fact that he has limited time left to do so.
Dinner is… well, Eddie’s parents still aren’t particularly enthused about his presence. Or Buck’s. But they’re good at pretending. Pretending to tolerate them, play nice. Pretend that their conversation from earlier didn’t happen. And Eddie’s not in the mood to talk about it either, so he just ignores them as best as he’s able to, choosing to focus on Buck and Christopher, who are excitedly planning a trip to the discovery center in town. Buck had broached the topic on the car ride over, not wanting to encroach on Eddie’s own plans with his son, but Eddie had assured him that if they wanted to go, he was perfectly okay with that. He even suggested they go without him, knowing that they would have a lot of fun and that it would give him some time to do some Christmas shopping. He knew Buck had some reserves, especially about going without Eddie, but Eddie also knew that Buck had missed out on a lot of time with Christopher over the last several months, too. And it’s Eddie’s fault. So, he assured Buck that they were going to be in El Paso for an entire week and he would be okay not seeing Chris for a few hours.
After dinner, Eddie caught on to the fact that his parents were attempting to politely escort them out of the house, and despite how much he wanted to fight them on it, it was also clear that the novelty had worn off and Chris was back to being a normal teenager who didn’t want to spend every moment with his parents. So he and Buck said their goodbyes before heading back to Abuela’s. Buck spent the drive educating Eddie on the place that he and Chris would be going to, how they cater to learners of all ages, how they have a 3D printing lab, and how focused on accessibility they are. Eddie soaks up every word, hoping Buck doesn’t notice the fond expression that stays on his face for the duration of the conversation.
Buck managed to sweet talk Abuela (which truly didn’t take much sweet talking at all with how well the two of them get along) into borrowing the kitchen to do some baking.
“I shouldn’t be worried about you wanting to bake, should I?” Eddie teases. He’s been specifically instructed not to touch anything because Buck doesn’t trust him not to ruin it (which, rude), but Eddie’s more than happy to just sit back and watch.
Buck laughs at Eddie’s comment. “No. I did bake before the breakup, you know.”
“Not a lot, though.”
“Yeah, but it’s Christmas time, and what’s better than some sweet treats for the holidays?”
“You’re not planning on filling Chris up with sugar tomorrow, are you?”
“I wouldn’t say filling up. But he requested Bobby’s Christmas cookies if I could. Hence,” he gestures to the dough he’s currently mixing. “Hey, do you know what Sophia’s family likes? I was thinking I’d try something later to give to them as a thanks. And Abuela, of course.”
Eddie’s heart warms at how much Buck cares about his family. “I’ll see what I can come up with.”
After a bit, Abuela joins them, and Eddie’s reminded by just how much he misses her living in L.A., when he could see her so much more. While the cookies are baking, the three of them migrate to the living room. They put on a movie, but nobody’s really paying attention to it, much more interested in conversation.
Abuela stays up long enough for the cookies to be done and cooled so she can try one and spend a good amount of time praising Buck’s baking skills. Then she retires to her room for the night while Buck and Eddie stay, vaguely watching the movie now, and making their way through about half the cookies.
“I just don’t know what I did wrong,” Buck says after some time, a half-eaten cookie in hand.
Eddie quickly thinks back over the conversation, suddenly very confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I must’ve fucked up somewhere, right?” he asks, taking another frustrated bite.
And Eddie has no idea where this is coming from. Or what Buck’s worried about. “I don’t think you fucked anything up, Buck. What are you talking about?”
“The proportions! They’re wrong,” he exclaims, waving the cookie in Eddie’s face.
And… right. Well, crisis averted. Eddie was very worried for a second there. He can’t help but let out a laugh. “Buck, they’re really good.”
“They’re good. But they’re not like Bobby’s,” Buck says with a huff.
“Of course they don’t taste exactly like Bobby’s. Bobby didn’t make them. You did. And I think,” Eddie takes the cookie from Buck’s hand and finishes it himself, “they’re perfect.” Buck glares at him.
“You don’t get it,” Buck complains, turning back to the TV with his arms crossed over his chest.
And while Eddie thought this was just Buck being a little silly, he realizes this isn’t his usual anxious perfectionism. “Make me understand then,” Eddie says gently.
“Chris asked if I could make Bobby’s Christmas cookies. And I just… I need them to be perfect…” Buck doesn’t finish the thought, but Eddie doesn’t need him to. He’s been there, a thousand times by now. If everything’s perfect, then… then maybe Chris will want to come back home.
“Buck, this isn’t your job to fix. And I doubt a small difference in Christmas cookies is really going to change anything.”
“I know,” Buck says quietly. “I know that. I just… I miss him so much, Eddie.”
“So do I. And trust me, I’m working as hard as I can to get him to come back home.”
“I know.” Buck rests a hand over Eddie’s. The gesture is so incredibly tender, and it makes Eddie want to cry. “Now that I’ve seen him again. I just don’t know how I’m going to want to go back home without him.”
And if that doesn’t perfectly encapsulate every overwhelming emotion Eddie’s felt for the last twelve hours.
“I know,” he says. “Me, too.” And he knows Buck well enough to know that there’s very likely a part of him that feels bad, feels like he shouldn’t feel like this, cause he’s not Christopher’s parent, and Eddie wants to assure him more than anything that he’s allowed to feel upset because Chris matters to him, too. But all he can think to say is, “I’m so sorry, Buck.”
“It’s not your fault,” Buck whispers, even though they both know that’s simply not true.
They’re both quiet for a while, watching the movie. Eddie’s not sure how much time has passed, but the next time he opens his eyes, he finds that the movie has finished and something else is playing. His head is resting on Buck’s shoulder and Buck’s own is leaning on Eddie’s. At some point, Buck had stretched his arm out to rest around Eddie, and Eddie smiles upon hearing Buck’s soft snoring. For a second, Eddie can pretend this is his life, falling asleep on the couch with Buck after a long day together.
He reluctantly gets up, shaking Buck awake and extending a hand to help Buck up from off the couch. “We should go to bed.”
He watches as a sleepy Buck grabs his hand and stands up, following him down the hallway to their room.
And as they lay down, facing each other, Buck whispers a soft, “Good night, Eddie.” And Eddie wishes more than anything that he could go to sleep like this every night for the rest of his life.