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He was fucking sick, in an entirely undignified and disgusting way. Art or literature sometimes portrayed sickness as something borderline beautiful, almost romantic. Oh, look how helpless I am, entirely at your mercy, let me daintily cough and gracefully faint. That wasn’t the illness he knew—homeless people growing sicker in their own filth, people whose minds were sick so they clawed at their skin.
He wanted to claw at his, but felt much too weak. No strength was left in his body, the ugly, useless thing, and his body was really the only value he ever had. Now he had none. Now he was just a disgusting piece of meat, rotting before his mind even died.
He didn’t quite know what was happening when he felt the familiar coldness of Marius's body. It didn’t click when his neck was washed gently with warm water. Only when he felt sharp fangs sink into his tender skin, did he finally realize he was going to get turned. The last half-conscious thought he remembered was more of a feeling, faint betrayal at the fact he wasn’t even asked if that’s the fate he’d prefer from the cold embrace of death. Then no thoughts could occur, as his body was overtaken with horrific nausea.
Armand woke up choking on a sob. He could still feel the sickness, the heat and the dirt and misery, even though he was separated from that moment by over 500 years. He didn’t need to breathe, not anymore, but he still let himself breathe just to calm himself down. In and out, in and out, such a nice rhythm, just like his fledglings, who still breathed in their sleep, out of habit more than anything.
The ancient vampire let himself look at his Daniel, lying beside him, motionless and serene. He was utterly beautiful. Vampirism suited him, and Armand couldn’t stop the surge of pride he felt at that thought.
He wasn’t going to go back to sleep; he didn’t technically need to and definitely didn’t feel like it, but he wasn’t going to spiral into a self-loathing spiral either. And wasn’t that a grounding realization. Dr Alder would be proud of his entirely non destructive coping mechanisms nowadays.
When Daniel woke up, he was going to pretend to frown and ask Armand whether he was watching him sleep, to which Armand would answer truthfully, yes. Daniel will try to look concerned about his well being and fail and the he will make Armand a cup of heated up blood as morning coffee and Armand will feel at peace.