Work Text:
~Buck’s POV~
Growing up I always knew I was different. Growing up my body was changing into someone I didn’t see. All around me people would even call me a name I hated. My parents still do it even if I tell them I don’t want to be called that. I turned 20 and got my first T shot. It took few months but my body finally started to look like how I always saw for myself. At 21 I changed my name legally to Evan. Yet I still prefer the nickname from everyone I care about, Buck. Also changed my sex marker from Female to Male.
Now at 30 no one but my sister, Maddie, knows I was born as Eva. Maddie and I live in Los Angeles as when I turned 24 and she was 26 we moved here for new start. I became a firefighter and she was a 9-1-1 dispatcher.
I’m also bisexual but that’s tricker part I don’t put it on my dating profiles and haven’t even told my best friend. Eddie. Sure we change in front of each other at the station, he’s a firefighter medic. But I change so quick you wouldn’t see my top surgery scars. They are slightly lighter pink than my left eyebrows birthmark. I haven’t had bottom surgery yet as I’ve been saving up for it.
When I do hook up with people I end up telling them and usually they leave or actually want to see it and then I tell them to leave. I know my best friend would be supportive he just came out as gay last year. His son Christopher was also supportive of Eddie. I should tell Eddie but it is always on tip of my tongue but I drink my beer instead.
Today was an off day and I was baking. Christopher, Eddie’s 13 year old son school was having bake sale so I was baking and Eddie with Chris will be here to help. Or Eddie would watch he didn’t know how to bake.
I heard knock as I was just finishing the first batch of cookies when my front door open. I put the last cookie on the cooling tray and smiled seeing them.
“Afternoon Buck.”
“Hey … wait where is Chris?”
I frowned not seeing the little teenager as Eddie closed front door behind him.
“Denny called him right when we were leaving. Apparently Hen and Karen got him this new car racing game and Chris wanted to play and..”
Eddie shrugged hanging his jacket up by mine at the front door. His sleeves were rolled up and I smiled as he walked into kitchen. My apartment was an open concept with bed on top of the stairs and everything else was downstairs. Hen worked with us and Karen was her wife. Denny was Chris’s age and they went to school together.
“I was going to text you but it happened so fast.”
“Hey don’t be sorry you good. I just finished the triple chocolate cookies.”
“Ooh my favorite.”
Eddie went to take one but I slapped his hand away making us both laugh.
“Can I have one? Please Buck?”
I saw his eyes go wide as he begged making me smile. I pretended to think about it before handing him one cookie that was cooled.
“Yay thanks man.”
I smiled watching his reaction and he sighed happily at the bite.
“These are so good Buck. Dude you need to open your own bakery.”
“Oh yeah no you drunk already Diaz?”
I teased and Eddie flipped me off before finishing his cookie.
“So I can finish these last two cookies and Chris can just take them Monday to school?”
“Yeah if you want.. need help? I’m really good at mixing.”
“As long as you don’t steal all the batter like you tried Christmas last year.”
Eddie winked before going to my sink to wash his hands.
With that we made chocolate chip cookies and red velvet cookies. I did catch Eddie sneaking few bites of chocolate chip cookie dough as we were rolling them into balls.
After everything was baked, stored in the fridge, we both got a beer and went to my couch in the living room. I turned on the tv and it was on the news. Taylor Kelly, one of my exes was the news reporter. She was the only one out of my exes okay with me not having bottom surgery. She would call me firehose. I went to change the channel but stopped when I saw the transgender flag.
“And we are here at this clinic to let you people know even if you don’t have insurance Doctor Minear will help you get the surgery you want.”
I changed the channel quickly to animal channel and then drank my beer.
“That’s sad the surgeries for them is so expensive.”
I heard Eddie say and I looked over and he was now drinking his beer. I nodded and moved my beer bottle down.
“Yeah sad. Uh do you want to watch a movie?”
“Sure but please no horror movie don’t think I can take jump scares right now.”
I nodded and opened the streaming app and my eyes went wide as I tried turning it back off. It automatically played the last movie I had. Boys Don’t Cry, 1999 movie with Hillary Swank. It was the scene where Brandon comes out as transgender to his girlfriend Lana.
“Buck?”
My remote wasn’t working and then showed them kissing in grass. I finally got the tv off when they were both about to be naked. I tossed the remote onto the other chair. My cheeks red and I jumped when I felt Eddie’s hand on my shoulder.
“Buck?”
I hesitated and looked at Eddie.
“You okay?”
I set my beer bottle on the coffee table and turned to him shaking my head no. I then began crying as I looked at Eddie.
“Buck what’s wrong?”
I cried more and felt him pull me into a hug. I instantly hugged back and cried into his chest. I closed my eyes tight trying to stop the tears but more came out. Eddie let me move away from the hug first. I was still close and felt his hand lightly wipe away my tears.
“Boys do cry.”
I mumbled and Eddie was small smiling.
“Well yeah anyone does. So does Ravi..”
Ravi our new probie at the station, they are nonbinary and dating my sister’s coworker Josh, also a 9-1–1 dispatcher.
“Yeah I.. know.. and Eddie.”
“Yeah?”
I moved further back worried if he would want to run out of here and never let me see Chris again. Or he’d punch me like the guys did to Brandon in the movie. Yet seeing Eddie’s small smile all my worry left.
“Have you ever heard of the term transgender?”
Eddie nodded slowly and I closed my eyes tight and opened them to look at Eddie.
“Like how someone born into the wrong body when their inside doesn’t match their outside?”
I saw Eddie nod again and I rubbed my birthmark, a habit I did when nervous.
“Well that’s me. I’m transgender..”
I glanced at Eddie before looking at the tv that was off. I felt couch move and worried Eddie got up. Yet I felt his hand lightly touched my shoulder.
“Wait so you are a woman?”
I laughed and looked at his face quickly instead of my lap.
“F k no.. I’m a guy.”
“Oh?”
I looked at Eddie like I thought he was messing with me. I took my T shot every morning after my shower. After shower I eat breakfast and then go to work. Or on off days I’m always at Eddie’s. After all I’m not really guest there. Yet I take it when I go to the bathroom every morning.
“Yeah.. I was born a female and always been a male. Actually on my 20th birthday was my first T shot.”
Eddie was still holding my shoulder but then dropped it. I saw him frown and that made me frown worried I just lost my best friend of seven years.
“Oh.. wow wait. So is that why you never let me or Chris see any young photos of you? Like when his school wanted for family day photos and Chris asked if he could include baby you?”
I smiled little at the memory, Chris was in 5th grade and was asked to bring in photos of who is your family, blood or not.
I nodded and picked at the couch.
“Yeah all my photos of when I was .. her .. Eva I got rid of a long time ago. I don’t even like looking back at teenager me.”
“Buck I’m so sorry I didn’t know I.. just f k never would’ve thought..”
“Aw so I make a hot guy?”
I teased and saw Eddie blushing and he ran his hands through his hair.
“Yeah you make a hot you…however you look. From your slick back hair .. to now your curly hair and arm full sleeve of tattoos.”
Now I was the one blushing and I looked at the couch again. Eddie lifted my head to look up at him.
“This doesn’t change anything between us does it? Can we still be best friends..?”
I asked quickly and saw Eddie look at my lips then to my eyes. His brown eyes felt like home. My own blue eyes looked into his eyes and then to his lips. Before Eddie could say anything to my question his lips were on mine.
I gasped in kiss but instantly kissed back. We kept kissing and Eddie laid back on couch and I followed. I was now straddling him as we kept kissing. His one hand went up my shirt. That made me pull away from his lips sitting up still on his lap.
“Sorry sh t Buck I..”
I saw his tan skin was glowing with red as I saw he was blushing. I felt warm like I knew I was blushing too.
“We can stop I’m sorry it just ..”
Eddie trailed off and sat up some making our faces close together again.
“I’ve always liked you Buck. From the moment you helped me during the blackout to get to Chris. I..always felt more feelings than a friend should.”
“Why? You can have anyone you would want.”
“Because Evan.. you are the first in line at work to help someone, you make incredible desserts, your laugh is adorable, I could stare into your eyes forever, all the random facts you know? Like f k that’s hot when you yap. I want you.”
I rolled my eyes but smiled and Eddie held onto my face. I tilted my head to his hand as he held my face.
“I know this can mess up our friendship and I been trying to tell you for the last seven years but every time I try to get it out I close up.”
I nodded a little to not move my head out of his hold.
“Yeah I understand. I like you a lot too Eddie. I thought it was just a crush but as I’ve grown to know you.. and Chris you guys feel like family.. a home. More than four walls but a real home.”
We both smiled and I leaned down capturing our lips together. Eddie kissed back as I felt him smiling in the kiss. Now my hand went up his shirt and he let me. I took his shirt off and pulled my lips away.
“You know I have such gender envy for your chest.”
Eddie rolled his eyes smiling.
“Yours is f king handsome too.”
“I had to pay for mine.”
“I see you in the gym you are handsome Buck.”
I blushed Eddie put his hand under my shirt and I nodded. He took my shirt off and tossed it somewhere in living room. Probably near his since I tossed his too.
“Wow.”
I put my head into his neck and felt his hands lightly touch my chest.
“This okay?”
I lifted my head with small nod.
“Yeah.”
“See Buck you are so strong.”
Eddie leaned up kissing my chest. I relaxed at his touch. I tensed when he brushed across my two scars.
“Is this..?”
“Yes..”
I closed my eyes not wanting to see his face of disgust.
“Handsome.”
I opened my eyes looking now at Eddie kissing my chest. Eddie kiss one of my scars and I tossed my head back.
“Elegant.”
Eddie said as I felt him kiss the other scar under my chest. I never had anyone kiss me so gently.
“You are funny.”
I said and Eddie moved off my chest looking right at me.
“I’m serious.”
Eddie kissed my neck and I gasped at the feeling of his lips on my neck.
“I’m attractive to all of you.”
Eddie said moving off my neck and I smiled. I leaned down kissing him again. Mostly because wanted his lips again and all his praise was making me blush.
We eventually walked up my stairs to go to my bed. We kissed again the moment we laid on it. I felt Eddie pull away and I followed his lips and laid back smiling.
“If I knew kissing you was so addicting I would’ve done it sooner.”
I said and Eddie laughed and he was lying on his side as I was on my side too.
“You telling me.. I want to kiss you all over.”
My eyes widen as my whole body felt like it was on fire. Yet we weren’t on shift running through a fire building.
“I’d let you. If I can kiss all of you too.”
“Deal.”
We pecked lips again and I felt Eddie pull away. I frowned but he got up from my bed taking his pants off. I watched his movements and he stopped when he was in only his boxers.
“See you are the handsome one.”
I said crawling to edge of my bed where he stood.
“Nah have you looked in a mirror?”
“I don’t need to when you are here.”
I saw Eddie blush and run his hands through his hair. I was still in my grey sweatpants from baking but moved to sit on edge of my bed. Eddie leaned down and kissed my lips and I kissed back. I gasped at his manhandle as he lightly moved me so I was lying on my back.
“This okay?”
“Yes Eddie.”
Eddie kissed down my chest and as his lips got lower my eyes widen. I pulled his hair to pull him up.
“Eddie.”
“Sorry to much?”
I shook my head no still holding his hair.
“No..but you know how I told you I was .. born in wrong body?”
“Yeah?”
I bite my bottom lip lightly before sighing.
“I don’t have .. you know like you..so..”
“I don’t mind. I just want you. And I want you to feel good.”
“You do make me feel good I just .. don’t have what makes a guy a guy..”
Eddie leaned down and I let go of his hair.
“You are a guy. No matter you have a d k or not. I love you.”
I blushed and we kissed again and when I pulled away from his lips I nodded.
“Okay..”
Eddie kissed down my body again and stopped at my sweatpants again. He lifted his eyebrows up and I moved my hips up. I didn’t put my packer on as it was suppose to be lazy Saturday. Plus my sweatpants were baggy enough you wouldn’t know.
Eddie got both my sweatpants and boxers off. I closed my eyes tight not wanting to see Eddie laugh. Like if he thought I just pranked him the whole time.
“And you said you didn’t have one? F k you even sexy here Buck.”
I opened my eyes looking down at him. Eddie kissed both my thighs before moving almost between my legs.
“This okay Buck?”
I nodded.
“Words Buck.”
“Yes Eddie please.”
Eddie smiled and began kissing me and it wasn’t my lips on my face.
Later after showers and I returned the favor to Eddie in the shower, we actually got cleaned and got dressed. We shared clothes, ordered vegan food and ate when it arrived.
Now in bed we were cuddling. I rested my head onto Eddie’s chest. I traced one of his tattoos on his chest as I smiled.
“So I think this does change our friendship..”
I said and felt Eddie chuckle.
“Yeah it does.”
I sat up and looked at him smiling.
“So what does this make us..?”
“I know with our job it’s risky and never know what can happen..”
I nodded at Eddie’s words to my question.
“But … I was hoping.. would you be my boyfriend?”
I smiled more and nodded and kissed his lips. Eddie kissed me back and I pulled away smiling. I saw Eddie was smiling too as he moved my curly hair out of my face.
“Yes Eddie I’ll be your boyfriend. Only if you will be mine.”
“Mmhm boyfriend. Wow I like how that sounds.”
I laughed and kissed his lips lightly and laid back down. Eddie wrapped his arms around me smiling.
“Nap time boyfriend.”
I smiled hearing Eddie call me his boyfriend.
“Yes nap.. boyfriend.”
I said back and felt him lightly squeeze me. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
My best friend of seven years was now my boyfriend. I came out to him as transgender he accepted and loved me for me. I was thankful to have him in my life. I never knew this love was possible.
Boys do cry but boys also fall in love with other boys.
THE END!!