Work Text:
dr.harper (2:42 PM): I'm bored. What are you doing
IantoJones (2:43 PM): Working.
dr.harper (2:43 PM): Browsing for coffee beans isn't working.
IantoJones (2:43 PM): Technically, it is. The ones I'm looking for are Jack's favourite.
dr.harper (2:44 PM): Well, Jack's not here, is he? He's off with Tosh. So why the hell aren't you and I down in the archives while we have the chance?
IantoJones (2:45 PM): I'm not having sex at work anymore. Those days are behind me.
dr.harper (2:45 PM): Since when do you have principles?
IantoJones (2:46 PM): They've been there.
dr.harper (2:47 PM): What if I told you I was touching myself?
IantoJones (2:47 PM): You better not be. Gwen's just over there.
dr.harper (2:47 PM): I doubt she'd mind. Could probably get her to join us
IantoJones (2:48 PM): Stop it.
dr.harper (2:48 PM): I saw you look over. You actually thought I was!
IantoJones (2:48 PM): Well, with you, I didn't exactly doubt it.
IantoJones (2:49 PM): So why weren't you?
IantoJones (2:52 PM): Oi! No you don't. No going to the toilets.
IantoJones (2:53 PM): Are you seriously getting hard? Nothing's happened!
dr.harper (2:53 PM): Piss off, I’m not.
dr.harper (2:54 PM): You're a fucking tease, Ianto.
IantoJones (2:54 PM): I have quite literally not done a single thing.
dr.harper (2:54 PM): You're THERE. In that stupid suit.
dr.harper (2:55 PM): Oh don't loosen your bloody tie
dr.harper (2:55 PM): You're a fucking prick
IantoJones (2:56 PM): Thank you. I try.
dr.harper (3:04 PM): Would asking what you're wearing work? Haha
IantoJones (3:05 PM): Quit squirming and focus on your work. Gwen’s starting to stare at you.
IantoJones (3:07 PM): We’re not going to have sex at work, and we’re not going to sext at work. Those are my rules, Owen, and I expect you to follow them. I, for one, value professionalism. You should too.
dr.harper (3:08 PM): Bossfucker.
IantoJones (3:08 PM): Would you like to say that again?
dr.harper (3:09 PM): You’re so boringgg. There's nothing else demanding our attention, for fucking once, so where's the harm?
IantoJones (3:09 PM): Principles, Owen, as I said. But I shouldn't be surprised you can't understand that.
dr.harper (3:10 PM): Oi! I have principles
dr.harper (3:10 PM): That there's absolutely nothing wrong with being sexually liberal, for one
dr.harper (3:11 PM): Our employer certainly seems to agree with me on that
IantoJones (3:11 PM): Our employer has asked for group sex less frequently than you have, and that alone should tell you something.
dr.harper (3:13 PM): Well duh. He's not allowed. Boss-employee boundaries and all that. Wouldn’t want anyone calling HR, would we?
dr.harper (3:13 PM): Oh
dr.harper (3:13 PM): Well
dr.harper (3:13 PM): Exempting you, obviously
IantoJones (3:13 PM): Right. And our doctor is allowed?
dr.harper (3:14 PM): Maybe the fact that I've seen you all naked is why I'm like this. Have you considered that?
IantoJones (3:14 PM): Good to know we're in the hands of a consummate professional.
dr.harper (3:15 PM): Mm, and speaking of consummating
dr.harper (3:15 PM): ;)
IantoJones (3:16 PM): ... Yeah, I think that's my sign to quit enabling this. I have work to do.
dr.harper (3:16 PM): Wow. OK. I know when I'm not wanted.
IantoJones (3:17 PM): I'm not entirely sure you do.
xXharp.oXx (7:34 PM): Hey
jones1983 (7:37 PM): Are you going to ask me to have cybersex with you again
xXharp.oXx (7:37 PM): Maybe :)
jones1983 (7:38 PM): Have you ever considered that sexual persistence is not a charming trait?
xXharp.oXx (7:39 PM): And yet people keep having sex with me. Including you. So something must be working :)
xXharp.oXx (7:41 PM): I wanted to go back to yours with you but you left in a hurry. And then I was gunna come over anyway but I had a girlfriend sic the plods on me for that once.
jones1983 (7:41 PM): She called the police on you for coming over unannounced?
xXharp.oXx (7:42 PM): Well I snuck in through the window and her mum tried to hit me with a lamp and her brother was dialing 999 before they realised it was me, yeah
jones1983 (7:42 PM): I don’t blame her.
jones1983 (7:43 PM): Do you often sneak through the windows of your paramours?
xXharp.oXx (7:43 PM): I was fifteen.
xXharp.oXx (7:43 PM): And you’re on the fourth floor
xXharp.oXx (7:43 PM): So it’s not like it’s an option
jones1983 (7:44 PM): Thank God for mid-rise flats
xXharp.oXx (7:44 PM): Yeah. Protecting you from the perverts of the world
xXharp.oXx (7:44 PM): Anyway I’m wanking
jones1983 (7:45 PM): Are you
xXharp.oXx (7:45 PM): Yep
xXharp.oXx (7:45 PM): Gunna help me out?
jones1983 (7:47 PM): I dunno. I’ve some other things demanding my attention.
xXharp.oXx (7:48 PM): What could you be busy with that’s more interesting than me?
jones1983 (7:48 PM): Alphabetically, or by order of importance?
xXharp.oXx (7:48 PM): Twat.
xXharp.oXx (7:52 PM): Check your mobile
jones1983 (7:53 PM): Why
xXharp.oXx (7:53 PM): Just do it.
jones1983 (7:54 PM): If it’s a grainy picture of your genitals again I’ll be very displeased with you.
xXharp.oXx (7:54 PM): Just answer your fucking phone
jones1983 (7:55 PM): I’m busy, Owen.
xXharp.oXx (7:55 PM): Only you’re responding within less than a minute every time I message you
jones1983 (7:59 PM): I’m busy on my PC, and I happen to have AIM open. My mobile’s in the other room.
xXharp.oXx (7:59 PM): Well bloody get up!
jones1983 (8:02 PM): Mm. I don’t want to :)
xXharp.oXx (8:02 PM): Does Jack have any idea how lazy his golden boy receptionist is?
jones1983 (8:03 PM): I was never lazy with him ;)
jones1983 (8:03 PM): You know, you’re typing quite a lot for someone who’s meant to be wanking.
xXharp.oXx (8:06 PM): Well you’re not helping me so now I’m trying to find internet porn before it’s too late and the night ends in disaster
jones1983 (8:07 PM): Poor Dr Harper. Alone again with his sad right hand & the oversexed lesbian pornography on his moniter
xXharp.oXx (8:07 PM): Not lesbians this time
jones1983 (8:07 PM): That’s a first
xXharp.oXx (8:08 PM): False. My porn tastes are varied and eclectic. I’m a cultured man, Ianto
xXharp.oXx (8:10 PM): You should see the hard on on this bloke it’s mental. Like a bloody horse
xXharp.oXx (8:10 PM): Brb
xXharp.oXx (8:16 PM): Ianto
jones1983 (8:16 PM): Hello again. Did you manage to achieve satisfaction?
xXharp.oXx (8:16 PM): :/
xXharp.oXx (8:16 PM): No
xXharp.oXx (8:16 PM): It’s not doing it for me
jones1983 (8:16 PM): That’s a shame.
xXharp.oXx (8:18 PM): You should be helping me you know
jones1983 (8:18 PM): And why is that?
xXharp.oXx (8:18 PM): Cos it’s your fault
xXharp.oXx (8:19 PM): I’ve been turned on all day. I couldn’t get any work done. I blame you.
jones1983 (8:19 PM): Once again. I have done nothing to warrant this accusation.
xXharp.oXx (8:20 PM): You wore your tightest suit today don’t act like you didn’t do that to me on purpose
jones1983 (8:20 PM): All of my suits are the same size.
xXharp.oXx (8:20 PM): Not this one. Makes your arse look even better
xXharp.oXx (8:21 PM): And I could see your cock through your trousers
xXharp.oXx (8:21 PM): I wanted it in my mouth all fucking day
jones1983 (8:22 PM): Is that why you wanted to come home with me? To suck me off?
xXharp.oXx (8:22 PM): Yeah
xXharp.oXx (8:22 PM): Wanna taste you
xXharp.oXx (8:22 PM): Want your hands in my hair
xXharp.oXx (8:23 PM): What would you do to me? Sexting is a team effort Ianto
jones1983 (8:23 PM): I’m not feeling up to teamwork. Maybe I want you to do all the work.
xXharp.oXx (8:23 PM): Well I’m a little more preoccupied than you
xXharp.oXx (8:23 PM): Unless ur also touching yourself
xXharp.oXx (8:23 PM): Are you?
xXharp.oXx (8:23 PM): Is your hand down ur pants
jones1983 (8:24 PM): You can ask me in writing tomorrow. File an inquiry
xXharp.oXx (8:24 PM): Oh fucking give it up
jones1983 (8:24 PM): That tone will get you nowhere. Have you considered that maybe if you ask nicely, I’ll indulge you? At this rate, with how rude you’re being, I should tell you you’re not allowed to get yourself off at all tonight.
jones1983 (8:24 PM): And you’d listen to me, wouldn’t you?
jones1983 (8:24 PM): You always do.
xXharp.oXx (8:25 PM): Fuck
xXharp.oXx (8:25 PM): Yeah
xXharp.oXx (8:25 PM): Fine
xXharp.oXx (8:25 PM): Bastard
xXharp.oXx (8:26 PM): Would you please engage in a wee bit of cheeky cybersex with me
jones1983 (8:26 PM): :)
jones1983 (8:26 PM): Have you filed the appropriate forms
xXharp.oXx (8:26 PM): I’m going to fucking kill you
xXharp.oXx (8:26 PM): I really will
xXharp.oXx (8:27 PM): You’re pissing me the hell off Ianto
jones1983 (8:27 PM): And it's these small pleasures that make life worth living :)
jones1983 (8:27 PM): No I’m not touching myself. This isn’t exactly tantalising for me. I’ve got eBay open in the other tab.
jones1983 (8:28 PM): But later this week I’ll fuck you hard enough you’ll calm the hell down for a few bloody days and stop being such a nusaince. And that’s a promise.
jones1983 (8:29 PM): By the way. Once you come, be sure to drink some water. You haven't been taking care of yourself this week. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Coffee is many things, most of them wonderful, but it is not a sufficient substitute for water. Unfortunately.
jones1983 (8:29 PM): And be sure to wipe the lubricant off your keyboard. Typing while you masturbate is not at all hygienic, by the way. You’re making it sticky. This is why we all think you’re a pig. Your work keyboard isn’t any better off. It’s quite gross.
xXharp.oXx (8:30 PM): Stop wittering and say more about fucking me I wanna get off
jones1983 (8:30 PM): No thank you. I hit my quota for the day as far as how much corny sex dialogue I can come up with. You’re free to continue sending me desperate texts, though. It’s very flattering.
xXharp.oXx (8:31 PM): I hate you so much
xXharp.oXx (8:31 PM): God I hate you
xXharp.oXx (8:31 PM): I hate how hot you get me
xXharp.oXx (8:31 PM): I wanna feel you on me
jones1983 (8:31 PM): Likewise.
jones1983 (8:35 PM): Was that the final straw
jones1983 (8:35 PM): Did you storm off to have a cold shower?
jones1983 (8:38 PM): Lol.
xXharp.oXx (8:42 PM): plz just givme something to get off to im asking nicely
jones1983 (8:42 PM): Oh you really are desperate aren't you
jones1983 (8:43 PM): Fine. What do you wanna hear
xXharp.oXx (8:43 PM): can u pick up the phone i want to hear ur voice
jones1983 (8:43 PM): Okay.
jones1983 (8:49 PM): Why are you still online? Go to bed.
xXharp.oXx (8:49 PM): Can I come over
jones1983 (8:49 PM): No!
jones1983 (8:50 PM): For God’s sake, go to bed!
xXharp.oXx (8:50 PM): I wanna suck you until your knees are about to give out
xXharp.oXx (8:50 PM): I bet I can make you cry
jones1983 (8:58 PM): I think I can fit knee-trembling tear-inducing oral sex into my schedule. Shall we do Tuesday at eleven?