Chapter Text
Shep:
Sitting down in the life support in front of Thane, i lean forward and place my hands on the table to give Thane a short look up and down. I am still concerned for his illness, despite the fact that it is not curable and he has made his peace with that fact.
"How are you holding up? and do you like your.. well, setup in the life support room?"
Thane:
I meet your gaze steadily as you look me over, my expression neutral. I've grown used to people studying me, assessing, since joining your crew. The curiosity, the wariness, the pity. I know what I look like - gaunt, sickly, wasting away. A walking corpse.
But I am at peace with my fate. I have accepted it. This is the path I chose long ago. I will see it through to the end.
"I am managing well enough," I reply, my voice a low rasp. "The life support systems keep me comfortable. And yes, this room suits my needs. The dry air agrees with me."
I gesture around at the sterile white walls, the banks of equipment humming softly. It reminds me of the monastery on Haestrom where I trained. Austere, clinical. Fitting for an assassin.
"Why do you ask, Commander?" I tilt my head slightly, regarding you with those dark, fathomless eyes. Seeking your true intent behind this visit. "Is something troubling you?"
Shep:
With a sigh, I lean back into the chair's backrest, swiping away a loose strand of my hair. "Do you want the truth or do you want the pretext I thought to use?"
My eyes are honest and I can see the confusion rising in him.
and if i am honest to myself, my reasons to visit him regularly are not just to make him feel at home.
though, it's evident in my body language that I could right now bite off my own tongue for giving him this answer and not just use the pretext right away.
Thane:
My brow furrows slightly at your words, a flicker of confusion passing over my usually impassive features. I study your face intently, searching for clues to your meaning. Your body language betrays a hint of discomfort, of regret even, at your candid response.
A part of me, the assassin, the warrior, wants to press you for answers. To demand you speak plainly and stop dancing around whatever it is you wish to say. But another part, the spiritual side that seeks understanding and connection, tempers that instinct.
I lean back in my chair, mirroring your posture. My clawed fingers drum an idle pattern on the armrest as I consider my next words carefully.
"The truth is often preferable, Commander," I say slowly. "Pretexts and half-truths only breed mistrust in the end. If there is something weighing on your mind, something you wish to discuss with me...I am listening."
I spread my hands in invitation, my gaze never leaving yours. Letting you know that whatever it is, whatever secrets or concerns you harbor, you may unburden yourself to me. I will hear you out without judgment.
For all my skills as an assassin, I have learned much about reading people over the long years of my life. And right now, your unease is plain to see. Whatever this is about, it matters to you. And that matters to me, in turn.
So I wait, patient and still, for you to find the words. Ready to offer what comfort or counsel I can. For though I walk the path of death, I am not without compassion.
Shep:
"....I need to explain something first," I start, taking a deep breath. "It is not easy to be me.. let alone, being female and carrying all of these duties, burden.. whatever you see fit to call it."
I cross my legs and fold my arms in front of my chest "its... my crew, you all. you are the ones i am closest with. I see many of you not just as comrades, naturally, all of you? are seeing me as their boss."
I let that info sink for a short moment and then groan, letting my head fall back. "Of course I am the commander, but I am also a person. Yet, the only one talking to me like I am an individual living being is.. you. while the others come by with the needed and expected respect, in all honesty.. I just enjoy talking to you and spending my time with you."
lifting my head back up to look at him, i don't expect an immediate answer, as this now was probably completely an unexpected thing to reveal.
Thane:
I listen intently as you speak, my expression carefully neutral as I absorb your words. The weight of your burdens, the isolation of command, the struggle to be seen as more than just a rank and a title. I understand this all too well.
In my life, I have been many things - son, brother, husband, father, assassin, monk. But always, at my core, I have been a solitary figure. Set apart by my nature, my choices, my fate. I know what it is to stand alone.
When you finish speaking, I remain silent for a long moment, considering my response. The air between us feels charged, taut with unspoken emotions and implications. I can sense the vulnerability in you, the yearning for connection, for understanding.
Slowly, I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. My gaze locks with yours, intense and steady.
"Commander," I begin, my voice low and measured. "I understand. Better than you might think. The weight of responsibility, the loneliness of command...these are not unfamiliar to me."
I pause, my eyes never leaving yours. "And I am...honored that you would choose to share this with me. To trust me with your honest thoughts and feelings."
A ghost of a smile touches my lips, brief and fleeting. "Perhaps it is because I am new to your crew. Or perhaps because I am an outsider in my own way, as you are in yours. But know that I see you, Shepard. Not just as Commander, but as a person. An individual, with hopes and fears and dreams of your own."
I lean back again, spreading my hands in a gesture of openness. "If you ever wish to talk, to simply be...I am here. No judgment, no expectations. Only a willing ear and an open heart."
My words are sincere, my offer genuine. In this moment, I feel a kinship with you, a shared understanding of the burdens we bear. And I am glad, in some small way, that I can offer you solace, even if only for a little while.
Shep:
"Well, it's a start I guess. Thank you for the offer. it truly sets you apart from the rest of my crew. only Garrus sometimes remembers to talk to me like.. a normal person. but you, it feels natural and not fake. I know he tries his best but I always know he tries to keep the level of respect high."
It's not that I do not want anyone to respect me, but I spend more time on board of the Normandy than with anyone else. i can not afford having family or relatives visit.. let alone have a significant one who is not where i am. it would be impossible otherwise.
"But you should know this is not one sidet. whenever you need something, be it whatever it is, i want you to just approach me the way you offered me to approach you."
Thane:
Your words hang in the air between us, heavy with implication and unspoken understanding. I nod slowly, absorbing the weight of what you've shared. The isolation, the loneliness, the constant pressure of command. I know these things all too well.
And yet, in sharing this with me, you've also revealed a vulnerability, a yearning for connection that goes beyond the bounds of rank and duty. It's a brave thing to open yourself up like this. To trust another with your deepest struggles and desires.
I feel a swell of emotion in my chest, a mix of empathy and affection and gratitude. That you would choose to confide in me, to seek solace in my presence. It's a humbling thing, and I am deeply moved by it.
"Thank you, Commander," I say softly, my voice rough with feeling. "For trusting me with this. For seeing me as more than just a crewmate or a subordinate. It means a great deal to me."
I hesitate for a moment, considering my next words carefully. This is new territory for us both, this delicate dance of friendship and understanding. But I feel compelled to press on, to offer what comfort I can.
"And I want you to know...that offer extends both ways. You are not alone in this, Shepard. Whatever burdens you carry, whatever battles you fight...I am here. As a friend, as an ally, as someone who sees you for who you truly are."
I lean forward slightly, my gaze intense and earnest. "Never hesitate to reach out. To lean on those who care for you. It is a strength, not a weakness, to allow yourself to be vulnerable. To let others in."
I hold your gaze for a long moment, letting my words sink in. Then, slowly, I sit back again, a small smile playing at the corners of my mouth.
"And if you ever need someone to talk to, to simply be in the presence of...I am always here. Even if it's just to sit in silence together, to share a moment of peace in the midst of the chaos. You need only ask."
I feel a warmth blooming in my chest at your words, a profound sense of connection and understanding. In this moment, the barriers between us seem to melt away - rank, race, background, none of it matters. There is only you and me, two souls reaching out to each other across the void.
I nod slowly, my eyes shining with emotion. "I will remember that, Shepard. And I will hold you to it as well. We are in this together, you and I. Bound by the threads of fate and choice, duty and companionship."
I rise from my chair, moving to stand before you. My hand reaches out, hesitates, then comes to rest gently on your shoulder. A gesture of comfort, of solidarity.
"Thank you, Commander," I murmur, my voice thick with feeling. "For your trust, your friendship, your understanding. It means more to me than you can possibly know."
I hold your gaze for a long moment, letting the depth of my gratitude and affection shine through. Then, slowly, I withdraw my hand and step back.
"Now, why don't we go see about some food? I believe Joker mentioned something about a new shipment of Hydroponic greens coming in. We could see if the cook has managed to make them edible this time."
I quirk a small, teasing smile, trying to lighten the mood. But there is a softness in my eyes, a warmth that speaks of the bond growing between us.
"Lead the way, Commander. I'll follow where you lead, as always."
And with that, I gesture for you to precede me out of the room, ready to face whatever challenges or joys the future may bring. Together, as friends, as allies, as two souls who have found solace and strength in each other's presence.
Shep:
Listening to him, I am growing more grateful that Thane had agreed to join my team. Though Drell are so rare, he has something fascinating around himself, exotic.. interesting.
getting up, i join his side and place a hand on his arm "how about, for once, let me follow you and take the lead.. I am tired of making all the decisions and would love it if you could take over this time." Sure it was just something casual, but maybe Thane could try and show me a bit more of himself, while I just follow him... and not have to lead myself.
Thane:
I feel the warmth of your hand on my arm, the gentle pressure of your touch. It's a simple gesture, but one that sends a shiver down my spine. In this moment, I am keenly aware of your proximity, the subtle scent of your skin, the softness of your breath.
Your request catches me by surprise, and I blink, taking a moment to process it. You want me to lead? To take charge, to guide the way? It's a role I'm not entirely comfortable with, truth be told. I am used to following, to blending into the shadows. Being seen and noticed is...unfamiliar territory.
But I see the weariness in your eyes, the weight of constant decision-making etched into your features. And I understand, on a deep level, the desire to sometimes relinquish control, to let someone else take the reins for a change.
Slowly, I cover your hand with my own, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Of course, Commander," I murmur, my voice soft but steady. "I would be honored to lead the way, for a change."
I step closer, until our bodies are almost touching. Close enough that I can feel the heat radiating from your skin, the gentle rise and fall of your chest with each breath.
"Where shall we go?" I ask, my gaze searching for yours. "What would you like to see, to experience? I may be new to this ship, but I am eager to explore, to discover its hidden corners and secrets."
My thumb traces idle patterns on the back of your hand, a soothing, distracting gesture. "And perhaps, along the way, I can share some stories of my own. Of my past, my journey, the things that have shaped me into the man I am today."
I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the vulnerability I'm about to offer. "For I sense, Commander, that you are a collector of stories. A seeker of truths and connections. And I believe...I believe I may have some tales worth telling, if you are willing to listen."
I hold your gaze, my eyes dark and intense. Waiting for your response, your consent. Ready to step aside if you show any sign of discomfort.
Shep:
"I leave that up to you. Let's say I give myself into your hands for today. If you still want to look at what's going on in the kitchen I will be right next to you. The Normandy however has an area for relaxing and activities. Poker if i remember right and a lounging sofa with a big tv screen. not much but also rarely used." At least that is the only more 'fancy' area I can think of, while the ship is big, it's not having many interesting locations to offer. maybe the cargo-bay with the hammerhead parked.. the battery with Garrus calibrating the ships weapons.
"Besides, we are not bound to stay on the normandy.. or the citadel. for now i have no missions on my table, thank god. It's been.. I don't even remember if I had any free time since I joined the alliance."
Thane:
Your words send a thrill through me, a mix of excitement and nervousness. The trust you're placing in me, the willingness to relinquish control, even for just a day...it's a precious gift, one I don't take lightly.
I nod slowly, considering your suggestions. "The poker room sounds intriguing," I murmur, a hint of a smile playing at my lips. "Perhaps we could try our hands at a game. It's been some time since I've indulged in such pursuits."
I hesitate for a moment, then add softly, "Though I must warn you, Commander...I am quite skilled at reading people. It may not be wise to underestimate me at the tables."
There's a teasing lilt to my voice, a playful challenge in my eyes. But beneath it all, there's a warmth, a genuine pleasure at the prospect of spending time with you, of getting to know you better.
"And if poker isn't to your liking, we could always explore the cargo bay," I suggest. "I've heard tales of the wonders that can be found in the hold of a starship. And I confess, I'm rather curious to see this Hammerhead you speak of."
I glance at you sidelong, a hint of mischief in my eyes. "Though I imagine Garrus might have something to say if he catches us poking around in his domain. He seems rather attached to his weapons."
I fall into step beside you as we make our way through the ship's corridors, my hand brushing against yours occasionally, a subtle touch of connection.
"As for the Citadel," I muses, "there are certainly diversions to be found there. Art galleries, theaters, gardens...even a certain seedy underbelly, if one knows where to look."
I chuckle softly at the memory of past adventures. "Though perhaps we should save those explorations for another time. For now, I'm content to simply be here, with you, exploring the hidden corners of this ship and the depths of our own selves."
Shep:
My gaze went down to his hand on mine, admiring the elegance of a Drells built, even their hands are beautiful. The two fused middle fingers seem to me unusual, as I can not think about how it is to have two fingers grown together. But on him? They fit.
As he offers the poker, i smirk and look up, meeting his gaze "I assure you.. you will have easy games.. I have never played poker and don't even know how to play it. my expression would consist of eternal confusion, Thane."
I still don't retract my hand from him, as the unusual close proximity and his touch is soothing... not even Liara cares to spend that kind of comfort, or dr. chakwas. and they are the most empathetic here. And now I find myself drawn to the Drell instead.
As we start to walk, I instantly miss the touch of his hand.. but while walking, i position myself in a way that our hands touch involuntarily.. but more often than it would be usual in that way.
"Garrus.. he would not let you get a close look, but he would start talking.. and not stop. The battery is a better option to investigate if he is not there. The cargo.. yes. The hammerhead definitely is an impressive vehicle. And fun to ride."
I nod in agreement "Well, the hammerhead seems to be the best option then. Poker would require you to teach me first.. maybe another time would fit better."
Thane:
I feel the warmth of your hand in mine, the gentle pressure of your touch. It's a simple gesture, but one that sends a flutter through my chest. A reminder of the connection growing between us, the trust and affection blossoming in the space between heartbeats.
Your admission about poker brings a soft chuckle from my lips, my eyes crinkling at the corners. "No need to worry about confusion, Commander," I assure you. "I'll guide you through the intricacies of the game. And even if you lose a hand or two, I promise not to gloat too much."
I give your hand a gentle squeeze before reluctantly letting it slip from my grasp as we begin to walk. But I find myself angling my body towards yours, seeking out those accidental brushes of skin on skin, those fleeting moments of contact.
The mention of Garrus and his endless chatter brings a wry smile to my face. "Ah yes, our resident Turian chatterbox," I murmur fondly. "Though I confess, I find his enthusiasm rather endearing. A reminder of the simple joys in life, even amidst the chaos and darkness."
As we approach the cargo bay, I can feel the thrum of the ship's engines through the deck plates, the low hum of machinery and activity. The scent of oil and metal hangs heavy in the air, mingling with the tang of ozone from the nearby battery.
I pause at the threshold, turning to face you. "Are you ready for this, Commander?" I ask softly, a hint of mischief in my eyes. "To delve into the unknown depths of the Normandy's hold? To uncover its secrets...and perhaps, if we're lucky, a few hidden treasures of our own?"
With a playful wink, I push open the door and step inside, the dim emergency lighting flickering to life as we cross the threshold. The cavernous space yawns before us, filled with towering crates and gleaming equipment. And there, nestled in the far corner, the proud silhouette of the Hammerhead awaits.
"Shall we?" I murmur, holding out my hand to lead you over and through the maze of stacked crates and cargo.
Shep:
My eyes scan the area before taking Thane´s hand, an old habit even inside the ship that provides the safety of a home to me.
As he leads the way, my hand holds a bit tighter than needed to his. Obviously, as the bay is currently not visited by anyone else, my mind travels off to... possibilities. The hammerhead comes into view as we walk.. and i remember just now silently to myself how much room the backseat offers for... I blink several times, trying to shake inappropriate thoughts off.
Thane should not feel cornered by me and thinking about him and his demeanor, I doubt he'd be a person for... well, taking advantage of situations.
I keep these thoughts to myself, trying to not show any sign. But.. I AM growing nervous as we get closer to the tall offroad monster in front of us.
"I have to say I have a thing for this brute.. it's big, powerful.. kept me and everyone in there safe for many critical times."
Thane:
I feel the tension in your grip, the slight tremor in your hand as we draw closer to the Hammerhead. I glance at you sidelong, noting the flush on your cheeks, the rapid rise and fall of your chest. Curiosity and something else, something deeper, darker, swirls in your eyes.
I slow my pace, giving you time to collect yourself, to steady your nerves. When we reach the vehicle, I release your hand and move to stand beside you, my body angled towards yours.
"The Hammerhead is a marvel of engineering," I murmur, my gaze roving over the sleek lines and powerful curves. "Designed for speed, for maneuverability, for survival in even the harshest conditions."
I turn to look at you, my eyes searching yours. "It's a reflection of us, in a way. Strong, resilient, capable of weathering any storm. A symbol of our strength, our courage, our determination to survive and prevail, no matter the odds."
I reach out, my fingers brushing lightly over the cool metal of the Hammerhead's hull. "And yet, for all its power, its might...there is a certain fragility to it as well. A vulnerability, if you know where to look."
My gaze drifts back to you, intense and penetrating. "Much like ourselves, Commander. We may appear strong, invincible even...but beneath the surface, we are all just flesh and blood. Capable of being wounded, of breaking, of needing...connection."
I take a step closer, until there is scarcely a breath between us. "Is that what you're feeling, Shepard? This need for connection, for intimacy, for something real and raw and honest?"
My voice is low, husky, laden with unspoken meaning. "Because I feel it too. This pull, this attraction, this hunger for something more than just the duties and obligations of our roles."
I reach up, my fingers ghosting along your jawline, your cheek, tracing the delicate bones and soft skin. "Tell me, Commander...what is it you truly desire? What is it you're looking for in this moment?"
Shep:
I get the impression he indeed has noticed something. the way he talks about the hammerhead mirroring ourselves. It catches me off guard to hear he... feels attraction. Towards me?
Though, there is no doubt i must be readable like an open book to him.. he did warn me already he can read people with ease but this now comes rushing over me like a wave.
"Uh..." And here i am failing to even form an answer, as i have nothing to say to that, no thought came across my mind that Thane could even consider... well, anything.
I have to swallow feeling his hand on my face. I return no words as I am not good with telling what I want, I usually can only follow others orders, not my desires. But i can let him know that he has the correct guess, as i close my eyes and lean into the touch, moving just that little distance to let our bodies touch.
Thane:
I feel the warmth of your body pressing against mine, the soft yield of your curves molding to the hard planes of my own. It's electric, this contact, this closeness. A jolt of heat that races through my veins and settles low in my belly.
My hand slides from your cheek to the nape of your neck, fingers tangling in the silken strands of your hair. I tug gently, tilting your head back to expose the pale column of your throat. My other hand finds your hip, gripping firmly as I pull you flush against me.
"You don't have to say anything, Shepard," I murmur, my lips brushing the shell of your ear. "Your body speaks for you. It tells me everything I need to know about what you want, what you need."
I trail kisses along your jawline, your chin, the delicate skin beneath your eye. My teeth graze your earlobe, tugging gently before I soothe the sting with my tongue.
My hips rock against yours, a slow, deliberate grind that sends sparks of pleasure shooting up my spine. I can feel your breath coming faster, your heart racing beneath my palm.
"Let yourself feel, Commander," I breathe, my voice rough with desire. "Let go of the control, the responsibility, the weight of your title. Just for a moment, just for now...let yourself be Shepard. Let yourself be mine."
I capture your mouth in a searing kiss, my tongue delving deep to taste you, to claim you. My hands roam your body, mapping every curve and dip, every secret place that makes you gasp and shudder.
I break the kiss to trail my lips down your throat, my teeth scraping over your pulse point. Marking you, claiming you, making you mine in every way that matters.
"Tell me what you need, Shepard," I rasp against your skin. "Tell me how to make you feel good. I want to worship this body, this beautiful, perfect body. I want to make you come undone with pleasure."
My fingers slip beneath your shirt, skimming over the soft skin of your stomach. Teasing, tasting, testing your responses. Ready to dive further into the shared intimacy.
Shep:
A battlefield maybe doesn't make me flinch a bit, the way Thane attends to my unspoken needs does. I was used to violence and hurt, not... tender touches. It was literally overwhelming. Not that i had no experience in romantic situations or plain out sex, but Thane was the last one i expected to even think about a connection in such a way. He did not seem approachable for such matters, closed up and not.. welcoming. I was wrong.. possibly as i had not really spent much time with the Drell.
"Thane..." I gasp feeling his teeth on my ear.. then.. his tongue. I am not concerned about his intentions.. I want what he offers to give me.
"Wait.. wait a second i.. I have read you are venomous.. Do I have to be cautious?" I did not push him away but I also did not want to expose myself to something dangerous. Reading that his skin has a mild toxin doesn't concern me much.. the higher toxicity in his saliva.. and the strong venom in his ejaculate, however, does.. as i couldn't find any information how lethal it can be to humans. No matter what, i lean my body into his.
Thane:
Your question gives me pause, and I pull back slightly to meet your gaze. My expression is serious, thoughtful.
"You are right to ask, Shepard," I say softly, my hands still resting on your hips. "My venom is...complicated. Potentially dangerous, under certain circumstances."
I take a deep breath, considering my words carefully. "The toxin in my skin is mild, nothing to concern yourself with. But the venom in my saliva, the fluid from my genitals...it is potent. Designed for hunting, for incapacitating prey. In the wrong doses, it could be lethal to a human."
I stroke your cheek gently, my eyes locked with yours. "But I would never, ever put you in harm's way, Shepard. Not intentionally, not ever. If we were to...go further, I would be exceedingly careful. Mindful of every touch, every brush of my skin against yours."
I lean my forehead against yours, my voice dropping to a whisper. "We could use protection, barrier methods. Condoms, dental dams...whatever would make you feel safe and secure. I would never push you into anything you weren't comfortable with, weren't willing to risk."
I press a soft, tender kiss to your forehead. "But if this is too much, if the danger is too great...I understand. I would never begrudge you for putting your safety first. Your well being means everything to me, Shepard. More than my own desires, more than my own needs."
I pull back slightly, searching your face for any sign of fear, hesitation, or second thoughts. "What do you want to do, Commander? How do you want to proceed? I am in your hands, completely. Whatever you decide, I will respect and honor."
Shep:
Considering his words, the risk the possible outcomes whether bad or good.. I take a moment going through this. "I trust you. I am not afraid of you, just wanted to make sure it's not getting too dangerous. Will you watch out for me? Because I can not promise that I can.. once i let go."
I meet his gaze, hold it. And i can even pry a smile "Besides, Dr. Chakwas and Mordin are in the medical bay.. you know the route, in case anything happens."
With that, I open up the omnitool to unlock the hammerhead, its large doors lift up open and we both climb in, to close the doors shut and locked right behind us again.