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sometimes kyungmin wonders if it's okay to have a crush on jaeyun. it's normal to have crushes, obviously, because having a crush doesn't mean anything will come out of it. but the problem kyungmin's facing is far more complicated than just a little schoolgirl crush. he's friends with jaeyun, and close friends at that. they're on the same dance team, they have classes together, and they're in the same friend group. something could really come out of his crush, but there's another tiny little (read: very big) problem: he's almost 100% sure jaeyun's in love with minho. not that that's shocking, they're the bestest friends anyone's ever seen, but sometimes he wonders if they're more than friends. that wouldn't surprise anyone in the slightest, but sometimes it makes him sad to think that his dumb little crush will never come to fruition.
(he wouldn't exactly mind dating minho as well, but that doesn't mean he wants minho as much as he wants jaeyun. and that's a secret between him and himself only.)
it's gotten to the point where yoonsung and haemin tease him about every little thing when jaeyun's literally just in their vicinity and hasn't noticed them yet.
haemin snickers as he watches kyungmin's face light up as soon as jaeyun walks into the practice room. "my god, you are down bad ."
sometimes kyungmin wonders if he could get away with murder. "thanks for the reminder, i hadn't noticed. what a genius for figuring that one out."
haemin shrugs. "at least i'm a genius."
jaeyun walks up to the two as soon as he sees them sitting off to the side together, waiting for practice to start. "oh, hi guys."
"hi jaeyun hyung."
"are we still practicing beatbox today? or have we switched to a new song?"
"still on beatbox, i think. why? did you forget to do any extra practice?" haemin teases.
"no, i've been practicing a lot on my own. this song is really fun!" they both nod, unsure of how to reply. of course jaeyun notices this, so he asks, "where's everyone else?"
"probably stalling showing up. or still asleep." haemin fake coughs and (loudly) mumbles "yungyu" under his breath.
jaeyun laughs, smacking haemin's arm. "give the poor kid a break! he needs to get more sleep anyways, his energy crashes are bad ."
haemin tilts his head in disagreement. "eh, not as bad as his," he says, nudging kyungmin with his elbow.
jaeyun looks over at kyungmin like he's been betrayed. "really? i've never seen you as energetic as yungyu gets."
"i don't... i don't think it happens very often. getting that excited, i mean," he clarifies. there really wasn't a reason for him to clarify that, but he's nervous, so give him a break.
haemin nods like he's discussing some philosophical topic because of course he randomly gained an interest for philosophy, this is haemin we're talking about after all. "i have to agree. it's rare for him to get like that, but my god, is it bad when he is."
the tips of kyungmin's ears turn red, and he stares at the floor with an embarrassed smile on his face. he always smiles when he's embarrassed which really fucking sucks because then people think he's enjoying their teasing, but he can confidently say he absolutely does not .
"i wish i could see kyungminnie like that! he'd be so cute!"
what.
jaeyun didn't say that, right? someone else came in and he didn't know and they heard all of their conversation and are finally making their presence known by saying something, right? he's internally panicking - and probably externally panicking too - for no reason, right?
haemin raises his eyebrow, giving jaeyun a look. "what do you mean by that?"
jaeyun rolls his eyes. "why do you make everything i say so weird?"
haemin looks him up and down, giving him the same look. "okay, hyung..."
the practice room door opens, and minho walks in. "i'm gonna go stretch. you two should think about stretching as well while everyone keeps arriving."
kyungmin makes sure jaeyun won't hear him before literally freaking out. "oh my god, why would you say that? look, he only left because minho hyung's here and they're probably dating and i'm never gonna have a chance- god, i'm so stupid for even having a crush on him in the first place and i need to get over it before one of them tells us that they're dating and i get my heart broken and then i probably kill myself or something because i don't know how to healthily cope with any of my feelings at all!"
he's practically shouting by the time he's done ranting, and haemin stares at him, baffled. "are you serious?" he asks.
"yes!"
haemin nods and stands up. "okay! well i'm gonna go stretch now." he pats kyungmin's shoulder like someone's dad and says, "you have fun now," before walking away.
kyungmin sighs. his own best friend doesn't even care! who else is he supposed to tell now? minho's obviously a no-go. yoonsung's already made it clear he's having his own problems with someone he won't name, so telling him won't be helpful to either of them. seungheon doesn't understand what the problem is, so he's definitely avoiding telling him. yungyu almost told jaeyun, so there's no way he can trust yungyu at all. myungho is probably his safest option, but what if he likes jaeyun as well? that would just be awkward. he could write anxious paragraphs in his notes, but looking back on them would be embarrassing.
he suddenly remembers those tiktok videos people post of reddit stories while minecraft parkour plays in the background, and he starts giggling at the thought of posting something on reddit and then finding it on his for you page months later. he wouldn't do that unless he was at his absolute all-time low, and even then he probably wouldn't because that's just weird.
by the time he's finally gotten over his worries, everyone else has arrived. some of them are just chatting, and others are stretching.
"kyungmin-ah!"
kyungmin's startled by the person suddenly calling his name, but he's even more shocked to see that it's jaeyun. "what?"
"are you gonna start stretching or not? you better hurry up, or we'll start without you."
you know what? fuck moon jaeyun and his use of kyungmin's overbearing fomo against him.
"i'll stretch with you if you want."
nevermind, kyungmin takes every mean thing he said about jaeyun back.
"you don't have to-"
"i'm offering, that usually means i want to if you want me to."
okay, no need to get sarcastic. he's all worked up and nervous again, and you, moon jaeyun, being sarcastic is not helping. "if you want to, i don't mind."
"well i do want to, so let's go."
kyungmin and jaeyun stretch together, but he's flustered the entire time just because of jaeyun's presence. my god, kyungmin, get it together.
practice distracts him, but as soon as it ends, kyungmin refuses to look in jaeyun's direction. he packs his things silently and throws his bag over his shoulder.
"are you alright?" seungheon asks. "you're being quiet."
"i'm always quiet," he defends, but seungheon gives him a look.
"not around us. you're so loud."
kyungmin looks shocked. "am i really?"
and now seungheon looks confused. "yeah? did you not know that?"
"no?"
seungheon shakes his head, laughing. "oh my god, hyung, you're hilarious." kyungmin stands there in confusion as seungheon says goodbye to him and walks away, still giggling.
"kyungmin!"
he turns around, softly saying, "huh?"
"wanna walk home with us?" jaeyun asks, and he's going to say yes, but then he realizes his word choice. who's we ?
but then minho jogs up next to him, and now he knows who “we” is. he wants to say no because he doesn't want to walk home with both of them, but at the same time, he wants to say yes because he gets to walk home with jaeyun.
"it's fine if you don't want to!" minho assures him.
"i think i'm gonna stay back and practice some more," he mumbles.
what he told them is absolutely not true. he was planning on going home because he's exhausted, but he couldn't just say "no, i'll walk home by myself," especially because they're all aware of how anxious he gets walking home alone at night.
"alright, no worries. have fun!" the two leave the room, and he immediately deflates. god, he hates liking someone who doesn't like him back.
-
jaeyun sits next to him in class the next day. usually he doesn't sit with kyungmin, he sits with matthew, but today he's sitting with kyungmin instead. it's a science class too, and kyungmin's absolutely horrible at science.
it's silent in class as everyone's working on their assignments. kyungmin is getting more and more frustrated as class goes on. none of this makes any sense. haemin does kyungmin's work half the time anyways.
jaeyun seems to notice his growing anger. he leans over, whispering, "do you need help?"
"yes," he admits, sighing. "this makes no sense!"
jaeyun shushes him as kyungmin's voice raises. "shh, don't disrupt class."
the tips of his ears turn red. "sorry," he mumbles.
jaeyun tells him it's fine and just helps him with his work. jaeyun's explanation makes more sense than the teacher's. that should probably be concerning, but all kyungmin can think about is jaeyun as a teacher. would he consider becoming a teacher if his dance career doesn't go anywhere?
"kyungmin?"
he blinks. what just happened? "huh?"
jaeyun smiles at him. "did you hear me, dummy?"
"i... no," he confesses.
"listen this time, okay? i'm only saying it one more time!"
he nods. "okay, i'm listening."
jaeyun explains it again, but eventually he gets lost in the middle. how does that even happen? and when did they get rid of this? why is this being added? what the fuck is going on?
jaeyun looks up at him, but kyungmin's not looking back. he's staring down at his paper, eyebrows furrowed. "you look lost," jaeyun notices.
"i just... i don't know, i'll figure it out. thank you."
"i'll just do one for you."
"no, you don't-" kyungmin starts, but jaeyun's already pulling his paper over onto his desk.
"just watch. it might help."
so he does. jaeyun does it slowly, making sure he sees every step. by the time jaeyun solves it and asks if he understands it better this time, it suddenly clicks in his head.
"oh, oh my god. thank you, you're literally the best," he says as he takes his paper back to finish the rest of the problems before he forgets.
jaeyun just smiles at him before turning back to his own work.
-
today's the day they've been preparing for. they're going to perform for their school. they've just recently finished learning beatbox, the last song out of the three they chose to perform, and now they're moving onto the stage.
despite his cold exterior, haemin's been stressing about this for a week now. he's been getting constant headaches and has lost his appetite multiple times. yoonsung's been caring for him since he saw him not eating his lunch the first day it started. the longer kyungmin watches from afar, the more he starts to believe that it might just be haemin that yoonsung's after.
yungyu slides (and falls over, but yungyu demands he forget that happened) into the seat next to him. "are you ready for this afternoon?"
"no," kyungmin says honestly. while he hasn't been reacting like haemin, he's been incredibly anxious as well.
"oh. i was expecting a yes," yungyu admits, and it makes kyungmin laugh. he knew that's what yungyu was expecting because yungyu's excited. he's always excited, like a puppy, but not everyone gets excited like he does. even yoonsung and minho get nervous the closer they get to performance day.
"well, i guess i am ready, it's just nerve-wracking."
yungyu tilts his head. "really?"
kyungmin stares at him before laughing breathily through his nose and telling him to go bother seungheon.
jaeyun's the next person to sit next to him, and kyungmin immediately fixes his posture, straightening his back just slightly more. "how are you feeling?" jaeyun asks softly, like it's a secret between the two of them.
he looks down at his hands, slouching in defeat as he sighs. "i..." should he be honest? what if jaeyun thinks he's weird if he's truthful? what if jaeyun tells everyone and they all hate him and he gets shunned from the group and he has to quit so then he has no friends and he gets bullied and then he becomes depressed and kills himself? is he going too far?
"kyungmin-ah." kyungmin looks up at him. "it's okay," he assures him. can he read minds?
it's silent as he looks back down at his hands. jaeyun waits patiently, but kyungmin knows he won't wait forever. "i'm so scared, hyung," he confesses.
"why are you scared?" he prompts, giving kyungmin the chance to talk about what's been worrying him.
"i don't know. i think i'm scared of being made fun of. i don't want to give this up just because people don't like me, but it's just hard. i get so anxious about everything that it feels so restricting and i don't know how to fix it. i want to be more like yungyu, like minho, like you . none of you are scared of what other people think, and i don't want to be either, but i just can't... figure out how to stop caring." jaeyun's quiet, and kyungmin gets embarrassed. why would he say that? "i- i'm sorry."
"for what?"
"for putting that on you and making you worry."
"i'm not worried."
kyungmin blinks. he wasn't expecting to hear that. "huh?"
"i'm not worried," jaeyun repeats. "do you know why i'm not worried?"
"no..?"
jaeyun grabs his hands and looks straight into his eyes. "i'm not worried because you're strong. you haven't given up yet, so why would you do it now? i've never met anyone as determined as you, kyungmin-ah."
kyungmin doesn't know what to say. he can feel tears in his eyes, so he looks down to hide his face. "i- i, uhm..."
"it's fine, you don't have to say anything. as long as you perform today with me, with everyone, that's all i want."
before kyungmin can think of what to say, jaeyun stands and goes to talk to someone else.
-
the eight of them file off stage, letting a group of girls take over the stage soon. they're all sweating and breathing heavily, but they had fun . there were so many people cheering for them, and he even saw some of his friends in the crowd. matthew was with his boyfriend jiwoong, sunoo brought a few of his friends, sungchul showed up and his boyfriend dohyun tagged along, geonu brought his friend group, and jaeho, seon, ichan, and kei came to support him. he feels loved.
seungheon appears next to him and immediately starts talking, startling kyungmin. "kyungmin hyung, did you see the amount of people that came just to see you? oh my god, i'm pretty sure i saw at least 50 posters with your name on it."
he can feel heat rising to his cheeks, and he looks down in embarrassment. "that's not true, don't say that."
"i'm serious!"
"seungheon-ah."
seungheon turns around. "what?"
minho pulls him away from kyungmin. "leave him alone, you're practically torturing him."
"what?! no i am not!"
minho and seungheon bicker, and while kyungmin isn't watching, he can hear them, and he's still entertained.
"he's not wrong, y'know," haemin informs him as if he doesn't know already. "i saw multiple people with signs just for you."
"shut up," he mumbles.
"it's true. people love you."
"okay and? the only person that i want to love me doesn't."
haemin sighs. he wants to scream in his face that the one he wants to love him does and he's just blind, but he stays silent.
-
kyungmin doesn't realize how he's started acting towards everyone else - including jaeyun - until minho points it out after practice.
"are you okay?"
"i'm fine," he snaps.
"you've been acting differently."
"no, i'm not. i'm fine , minho."
minho's eyes widen. they talk casually to each other all the time, but he never calls anyone older than him just their name.
minho sighs, but he has to say something. "kyungmin, i don't want you to say a word while i'm saying this, okay?"
kyungmin nods and sits with his arms crossed, waiting for minho to continue.
"to put it simply, you've been an asshole to everyone recently. i don't know what's upsetting you, if there even is anything, but i'm sick of it. it feels like you've been attacking me the most, and i don't know if i've done anything to you, but all i've ever tried to do is be nice to you. if i'm doing something wrong, just tell me instead of holding a grudge against me."
"i'm not attacking you," he says sharply.
minho raises his eyebrows at him. "are you sure?"
his voice raises as he says, "yes, i'm sure!"
minho sighs. he hates doing this, but he doesn't have a choice. "do you know how obvious you are? are you acting like this because you're jealous that he likes me more?"
kyungmin's heart drops. his eyes widen, and all he can do is look at minho with shaky eyes.
"i'm sorry, but-"
he doesn't want to hear it. he stands, grabbing his bag and not even bothering to put it over his shoulders before walking away and letting the door slam behind him.
the air is cold, snow crunches under his shoes, and he wouldn't be shocked if the tears on his cheeks have frozen. why would minho say that? so what if he wasn't trying to be mean? it was mean. it hurt. not only does minho know kyungmin likes jaeyun, but minho knows he has no chance either because jaeyun likes minho, minho likes jaeyun, and kyungmin has to watch them be in love and happy while all he'll want is to die.
"kyungmin?"
he doesn't turn around. whoever it is, he doesn't want to talk to them.
"kyungmin, hold on!"
he can hear them jogging to catch up with him, but he doesn't stop walking.
"kyungmin!"
they grab his hand, but he immediately pushes it off and keeps walking. "i don't want to talk to you!"
they follow behind him, trying to talk to him. "kyungmin, what-"
"no, i'm sick of hearing everyone's bullshit! the stupid fake sympathy makes me so mad and i don't want to hear it!"
"what?"
"stop acting like you don't know. all the time people are pretending to feel bad for me just because i don't know how to fucking deal with myself and i hate it! i would rather you all just be honest and tell me you hate me instead of making me feel stupid for feeling accepted."
"i don't hate you."
"don't lie to me."
"why would i lie to you? i-" they start, but he doesn't want to hear them try to defend themself with the stupid "i would never lie to you" excuse.
kyungmin cuts them off, shouting, "because everyone's been fucking lying to me!"
"what? what are they lying to you about? i hate liars, you know that, kyungmin."
- he's been complaining to jaeyun this entire time.
and yet, despite venting to jaeyun about his issues regarding him, he doesn't feel embarrassed or nervous or anything. he feels... fine. and cold.
he wipes the tears off his cheeks (which are not frozen, wow) as he says, "nothing."
"kyungmin, you can't just do that. i want to hear what's wrong. clearly you aren't feeling heard, and i'm here to listen to you. what's happening?"
"it's okay. i didn't mean to yell at you, i'm sorry," he apologizes, "but i feel better."
jaeyun seems to accept that kyungmin won't tell him, so he sighs softly and says, "i'm glad you feel better. it's cold out, we should get home."
"okay. i was on my way home."
jaeyun nods. "i would assume so."
they walk back quietly. neither of them speak, but it's not as awkward as he expected it to be. he was expecting jaeyun to ask him again, but jaeyun doesn't say anything about it. he'll have to talk to him eventually, but for now he can ignore it ever happening.
-
it's christmas day. winter break started almost two weeks ago.
myungho wanted to throw a christmas party since he couldn't visit his family. while kyungmin would love to go back home, his mom told him to stay for the party and he can visit them later. he told her he had to tell her something, but his mom told him that he should wait and if it was really that important, he would remember when he visited.
so he had no choice but to go to myungho's christmas party. did he want to go? not really. did he go anyway? yes. he couldn't let myungho down like that.
and yet when he arrives, he wishes he never showed up.
it's a very stereotypical christmas party. there's some christmas music playlist blaring from the speakers, and there's cute little holiday-themed snacks on the table. he quickly spots the drinks table and scans over everything. there's definitely alcohol in the fruit punch, but there's juice boxes and flavoured milk as well. almost everyone's dressed up as some sort of christmas thing, whether that's an elf or a reindeer or santa or even a gift. kyungmin feels so out of place.
it's so loud, nobody's talking to him, and every time he tries to get anywhere he's basically being shoulder checked.
"kyungmin?" kyungmin frantically searches for who said his name, but then a hand lands on his shoulder and jaeyun's standing right next to him. "i didn't think you'd show up, you hate stuff like this."
"i didn't want to, but i didn't want to upset myungho."
jaeyun furrows his eyebrows, looking at him in confusion. "why would he get upset? he doesn't care."
"well... i don't know."
jaeyun laughs. "you didn't dress up either."
kyungmin looks him up and down blankly. "neither did you."
"i did!" jaeyun defends.
"yeah? what'd you dress up as?"
"a little boy getting the gift he wished for," jaeyun says with a stupid accent.
kyungmin can't help laughing at him. he tries not to, he really does, but just the way jaeyun said it makes it difficult to not laugh at him.
"that's... definitely a costume. how are you supposed to get the gift the little boy wished for? there's no gifts underneath the tree here."
"who says the gift i want is underneath the tree?"
"what?" he doesn't mean to say it out loud, but he plays it cool (or at least tries) and pretends like he meant to.
"oh nothing," jaeyun says, waving his hand dismissively.
"hyung! what does that mean?"
"nothing, seriously. don't worry about it."
" hyung !" he whines. he can't do this to him, it's not fair!
(kyungmin will joyfully — gleefully, even — ignore the fact that he did the exact same thing recently.)
jaeyun suddenly grabs kyungmin's hand, tugging him towards the table. "come try this with me, kyungmin-ah." of course jaeyun knows how easy it is to distract kyungmin, and of course it works in his favour especially because it's food he's distracting him with.
he grabs this little snack made from buttersnap pretzels, some chocolate thing filled with caramel, and an m&m pressed into the top of it. kyungmin stares at it, almost looking untrusting of the bite sized snack. "what is that?"
"pretzels and m&ms and i think that's a rolo."
"a what?"
"chocolate with caramel filling. come on, let's do that thing where you like wrap arms and then eat- well, i guess it's more common to have something to drink, but whatever."
kyungmin blinks at him. " what ?"
jaeyun gestures for him to come closer and says, "just come here, i'll show you." kyungmin steps closer, but clearly jaeyun's impatient because he grabs his arm and interlocks it with his own. "i looked it up, it's called a... i'm totally fucking butchering this, but it's called a brüderschaft..? it's some german thing, but i see people do it all the time so i wanted to try it. is that okay with you?"
absolutely not. "yeah. yeah, that's fine."
"awesome. okay so basically you're supposed to like wrap arms and then take a drink — except we have food, but it's basically the same concept — and then you're supposed to kiss."
" what ?!"
"seriously! it signifies brotherhood or whatever," jaeyun explains briefly. "come on, let's do it!"
kyungmin's fear of doing this... thing has just doubled tenfold. "are you sure you want to do that?"
"what, kiss you?" jaeyun rolls his eyes like it's the dumbest thing he's ever been asked as he answers, "obviously, or else i wouldn't be asking you."
would jaeyun be upset if he saw the way kyungmin's hands were shaking? would he get mad if he knew how many doubtful thoughts were racing through his head? would he be disappointed if he said no? probably, but kyungmin won't say no. this is his chance, and probably his only one.
"okay," he says, breathless and nervous.
"awesome! okay, so basically you're just gonna... we're gonna interlock elbows, i guess." jaeyun pulls their arms together and does his part, but when kyungmin's trying to do his, he realizes just how close their faces are, and he's sure his face has turned red.
despite how flustered he feels, he does what he needs to and avoids any eye contact with jaeyun. "is this it?"
"yeah! okay now just... eat the snack, i guess."
"okay..."
jaeyun immediately pops the whole thing in his mouth, but kyungmin just takes a bite of it. it's really good , so he puts the rest in his mouth and tries to catch up with jaeyun.
once they've both finished the snack and have moved their arms back, jaeyun asks him, "are you ready?"
"no," he blurts out before he can stop himself.
"what? kyungmin, you should've said you didn't want to kiss me, i would've been fine with that."
"no, i do want to, i just..." kyungmin trails off as his brain catches up to his mouth. as soon as he processes what he just said, his eyes go wide.
jaeyun smiles at him, trying not to laugh. "you want to kiss me?"
kyungmin can't bring himself to speak, so he just nods silently.
"for how long?"
"i don't know. forever, probably."
jaeyun can't hold back from laughing this time. "you're funny, kyungmin-ah."
"okay," he answers automatically out of nervousness, but then he blinks and realizes just how rude he sounds. why would you reply like that? "shit- i mean, thank you."
jaeyun stares at him for a second with a soft smile on his face. "you're so cute. should we kiss now?"
jesus christ, jaeyun. you're going to make kyungmin spontaneously combust and not only would that ruin his entire night, but it would also kill him.
"can we?"
"is it illegal?"
"well, no-"
"then why not?"
he makes a good point. but... actually, kyungmin doesn't care anymore. "fuck it, i'll kiss you." he doesn't add that he would be heartbroken if jaeyun didn't actually like him like this and this was just jaeyun fucking around with him.
"sick, okay."
yet neither of them move to initiate it. they both glance around, not sure what they're supposed to do. kyungmin always assumed jaeyun had experience with this, but clearly he doesn't know what he's doing either.
"so..." kyungmin trails off, hoping jaeyun will take the lead.
thankfully, he does, and clearly kyungmin's assumption was wrong. "i was waiting on you since y'know, you're taller and all, but whatever, i'll just do it myself."
jaeyun puts a hand on the back of his neck and pulls him down to his height. his breath hitches from being so close to jaeyun. he feels like he's invading his space, like he doesn't belong in such a personal area. but jaeyun... jaeyun doesn't seem to mind. in fact, he looks... pleased. he looks happy with what's about to happen, and all it does is make kyungmin's heart rate spike even higher.
"you ready?" jaeyun asks. the look in his eyes is daring, and kyungmin can't say no.
"yeah," he whispers.
jaeyun moves closer, but everything feels like slow motion. kyungmin is sure he's probably hot to the touch from how nervous he is, but how else is he supposed to react? he's been crushing on him for almost a year and now jaeyun's about to kiss him, and he's expected to act normal, like he hasn't thought about this for months?
he's certain he stops breathing when he feels jaeyun's lips pressing against his own. he's trying to be gentle, he can tell from the way he's barely even touching him. kyungmin doesn't know what to do with his hands, or with anything else. is he supposed to kiss back? is he supposed to touch him? is he supposed to be reacting? what is he supposed to do?
jaeyun pulls away to give him an analytical look. he already feels tense, but this makes it ten times worse. "why are you so nervous? relax, it's just me.” very funny, jaeyun. “would it help if i kissed you again?"
it absolutely would not, but kyungmin wants to kiss him again, so of course he's going to lie. "i don't know. maybe."
"okay, then we'll kiss again. just relax."
relax .
the word repeats in his head like a broken record. relax, relax, relax . and somehow, he really does feel himself relaxing as jaeyun seals their lips together again. he doesn't let himself overthink anything he does, but he's still hesitant in doing anything. jaeyun seems okay with waiting like this until kyungmin's fully calmed down, so he doesn't try to rush himself and ruin the moment.
when kyungmin finally gets the confidence to do anything, it's just putting his hands on his waist. jaeyun seems happy with his progress, because a smile breaks out on his face. kyungmin thinks he's going to pull away again, but jaeyun stays right where he is. maybe he's waiting for something else. is he supposed to do something else?
it finally clicks in his head what jaeyun's waiting for. he wants kyungmin to kiss him back.
but he doesn't know how. he's never been taught or practiced or whatever people do. he didn't think it was important. but now he regrets not doing the embarrassing stuff everyone did when they were younger to teach themselves, because he feels like he's malfunctioning.
"you need me to help?" jaeyun asks, barely pulling away to whisper it to him like it's a secret. in a way, it almost is.
as embarrassing as it is, kyungmin still nods.
"just do what feels right. it's not supposed to be perfect right away."
what feels right? he has no idea what "feels right" because he's never done this before! moon jaeyun, your advice is not helping.
but then it makes sense, his advice does work, because jaeyun kisses him once more, and kyungmin reciprocates it almost immediately.
jaeyun's right, it's not perfect. in fact, it's kind of weird. there's all these different emotions swirling around in his head, and he doesn't know which one to focus on. is he supposed to focus on how much he enjoys kissing the guy he's liked for a while now, or is he supposed to focus on the growing guilt he feels for kissing jaeyun when he knows minho likes him too?
jaeyun moves away from him. "you think a lot. it's like i can hear your thoughts."
"sorry," he mumbles, embarrassed to be called out so easily. no matter how often it happens, it still gets to him.
"don't be sorry, you loser, it's cute. just stop worrying so much about things you don't have to worry about."
"huh?"
"do you think i don't like you?"
the broken record in his head is suddenly in his voice box, because once again he says, "huh?"
"i do like you, kyungmin. why do you think i've done so much just to be around you without making it seem like i'm some obsessed creepy weirdo? because you're my friend?"
"well, i guess so."
"kyungmin, oh my god. i have a stupid, big, fat crush on you and i only wanted to do that with you so i could have a reason to kiss you afterwards! how much more obvious do i have to be?"
kyungmin blinks at him. "what?"
"i'm gonna say this very slowly and very carefully. i... have... a... crush... on... you. did you get it that time?"
"i- i got it the first time, i just- why?"
jaeyun squints at him. "what do you mean why? why wouldn't i?"
"i don't know... because i'm weird. and i don't know how to talk about how i feel or ask people for help. and i'm not very likable-"
"i'm gonna smack you."
kyungmin's eyes widen. " what ?"
jaeyun laughs at the look on his face. "i wouldn't do that, i just needed you to be quiet because all you're doing is saying stupid shit. if you're not likable, why would i like you?"
kyungmin doesn't have a response. he looks down at the floor and shrugs.
"exactly. everyone's a bit weird, there's nothing wrong with that, and just because you struggle with talking about your emotions doesn't mean i shouldn't like you. everyone struggles with that at some point, you just have to learn how to overcome it. that's what i'm here for. and you're very likable, so i don't want to hear it. if you weren't likable, i'd hate you, but i don't, do i?"
"no..."
"then you're okay."
well, jaeyun kind of has a point. kyungmin never thought about it like that.
"hyung!" yungyu freezes, his expression quickly changing from a huge grin to confusion. he looks them up and down. "what's happening?"
jaeyun pokes him in the chest and says, "he thinks he's unlikable."
kyungmin looks over at jaeyun in betrayal. "jaeyun hyung!"
yungyu looks even more confused. "what? you think you're unlikable?" he starts to giggle. "you're funny, hyung!"
myungho is suddenly standing next to him and asks, "what are you laughing about?"
kyungmin attempts to make up an excuse and tell yungyu off, but yungyu's already ratting him out to myungho. "kyungmin hyung thinks he's unlikable!"
"really? huh, that's strange. i've met like, a million people who have a crush on you."
yoonsung and haemin (who are hand in hand, which means kyungmin totally called it) are walking past, but yoonsung picks up on the end of myungho's sentence and now they've both joined the conversation. "crush on who? what?"
"on kyungmin," myungho answers.
haemin looks shocked. "who has a crush on kyungmin?"
seungheon appears on the other side of yungyu. "someone has a crush on kyungmin?"
"yeah, jaeyun does."
everyone turns to look at minho, but minho's not looking at them. kyungmin makes direct eye contact with minho and immediately tenses up. minho's so mad at him, he knows it.
yoonsung looks disappointed. "oh, we're talking about jaeyun? yeah, everyone knows that."
seungheon smacks myungho's arm. "you made me think i missed out on something!"
"what?! what did i do?!"
"so you're together now?"
before kyungmin can deny, say it's not true and they're just friends and minho can have him, jaeyun's answering for him.
"yeah. we kissed like, three times."
minho's eyes turn into slits and he stares at jaeyun. "seriously?"
" yes , minho, i'm serious."
"moon jaeyun, you better not be joking around. i've been trying to help you get with him for months now, and if you're joking with me, i will murder you."
"wow, way to out me, minho. but no, i'm not joking. dude, you're supposed to proud of me for doing it, not getting angry because you think i'm lying."
minho's face lightens, and he walks up to jaeyun with his hands up. "let's fucking go, jaeyun-ah!"
jaeyun high-fives him and the two hug, jumping around and laughing. kyungmin's supposed to get jealous, but instead he's happy.
suddenly minho's looking up at kyungmin, and this is when minho gets mad at him and tells him that they're pranking him and-
"sorry for saying that stuff to you, by the way," minho apologizes. he then flicks jaeyun in the head and says, "it was his idea.”
"hey now!"
minho grins cheekily at him and says, "you're an all star."
"minho-" jaeyun starts.
yungyu cuts him off to sing the next line. "get your game on-"
"go play!" the rest of them shout.
kyungmin watches in silence with a soft smile on his face as the six of them start singing all star together and jaeyun actively tries to fight them. it's chaotic, it's stupid, it's weird, but it's them , and he wouldn't trade it for the world.