Chapter Text
The first slivers of light from this morning’s sunrise penetrate the lace drapes of the floor-to-ceiling window, filtering through the room to create a shimmering pattern across Sidney’s bare chest. Sitting up in the bed supported by pillows propped against the headboard, he is playing idly with tendrils of Charlotte’s hair. He watches his own hand gently combing through the tresses before twirling a curl round one of his fingers, enjoying its soft texture and its lustrous sheen. A rush of tenderness floods his senses as he looks down to watch the gentle rise and fall of the sheet covering his sleeping wife, her breathing calm and relaxed.
His wife. His beautiful wife of less than one day. He takes in the thickness of her lashes flush against her cheeks, the sprinkling of freckles across her nose, the strong structure of her cheekbones and determined jaw line, and the most endearing dimple in her chin. Her soft lips, slightly parted, take his thoughts back to their activities of last night – lips that had kissed him with both passion and tenderness, carrying him away to a place of ecstasy he simply could not have imagined. All Charlotte’s lovely facial features are now well known to him of course, but simply to look at them can still cause a sudden fluttering in his chest.
Sidney thinks back to yesterday; his nervous preparation for the wedding, his deep, irrepressible joy upon Charlotte’s arrival at the church door, his complete captivation with her as they declared their love and commitment at the altar, and her sharp catch of breath as he slipped his mother’s wedding ring onto her finger.
He recalls the satisfaction of sharing the reception with their closest family and friends, his sudden desire to leave the gathering to have his lovely new wife to himself, and the surge of intense gratitude when speaking for all to hear of the change wrought in him since meeting her; change from a lonely, avowed bachelor to a man besotted with this beautiful woman who has brought him such happiness. She has transformed his world. She is his world.
Sidney smiles at the memory of last evening’s wonderful stop on the cliff road, when he had surprised Charlotte with his gift of the locket. They had stolen a few moments to quietly share their dreams for a lifetime together. Then there was the delight of Charlotte driving the curricle, and of carrying her – both of them laughing with the sheer exhilaration of it – across the threshold of this house; this house where he had spent a mostly happy childhood and trouble-free youth before the disastrous emotional turmoil that had befallen him, resulting in heartbreak and the severely protracted loss of his true self. Now, since having this beautiful, vibrant woman by his side his once dark and difficult journey has turned in direction and with yesterday’s wonderful ceremony is now blissfully complete. This house is again a place of happiness and harmony, as with Charlotte he has finally found here his ‘forever’ home.
How thrilling it had been to rush up to this room with his darling in his arms – an opportunity he had thought would never come his way! As soon as he had allowed her feet to again touch the floor Charlotte had gleefully pulled him in to dance merrily round the room until, in the space of a second, all had become quiet. They had stood, looking, taking each other in, their bodies stilled in that moment as their breathing slowed. Holding her wide-eyed gaze with his own, Sidney had reached up to remove the combs and pins from her hair and to whisper the words of worship he had ached all day to say. He had hesitantly asked if they might assist one another in undressing. Her immediate agreement to his request was both surprising and intensely moving. After their hands had gently accomplished the task, their unhurried move to the bed had promised a dance of a different kind.
Their wonderful coming together in the ultimate promise to one another, finally sharing all of what he is now convinced was meant to be, is uppermost in his thoughts. His breath catches. This is now his life, with Charlotte. They will face all of its challenges and will delight in their accomplishments together, for the rest of their days – and nights! Oh how special last night had been; his lovely Charlotte displaying such spirit and curiosity, gently accepting him and welcoming their becoming one as if it was all that mattered to her in this world. Her touches, her responses, her expressions of absolute contentment had filled his heart to overflowing. It humbles him. Sidney Parker is the most fortunate man in the world. How he has earned such happiness he cannot fathom but he knows that he has been bestowed the most precious of gifts.
Feeling a tickling sensation in her scalp, Charlotte stirs and sleepily opens her eyes, moving her hand vaguely as if to find the itchy patch, to scratch at it. In an instant, however, that impulse is forgotten as she becomes aware of the strong, warm presence beside her. She lifts her head to gaze at this man gently running his fingers through her hair and looking down at her with admiring eyes. She wonders how long he has been watching her.
“Good morning, my wonderful wife,” Sidney says tenderly.
“Good morning, my handsome husband,” she replies with the hint of a smile.
Sidney lets go of her curls. He grabs a pillow, dragging it behind him to slide down into the bed. His eyes are level with hers, as they turn in towards each other. He smiles at her, sweeping a glance over her tousled locks and lovely face. She feels a flutter in her heart as she returns his adoring gaze.
“Are you happy?” he asks softly.
“I am.”
His smile widens.
“In fact,” Charlotte adds, “after last night, well, I cannot express what this sensation is. It is so completely new to me. That word, ‘happy’ … it does not begin to describe what I am feeling. It is simply heavenly.”
“I know what you mean. It’s the same for me.”
Sidney brings her hand to his lips, to kiss the knuckle on the finger where her wedding ring sits. He pulls back, looks at it and says, “This ring suits you Charlotte. It’s a perfect fit.” He smiles up at her.
“Yes,” she replies softly, “and it is exquisite. You have chosen well.”
“My mother surely must have known,” he says, looking back to the ring.
“Oh. Wait, this is … this was your mother’s ring?”
“My father’s symbol of love for his bride. It was her wedding ring.”
“Oh, Sidney. When you placed it on my finger I could scarcely breathe, I thought it so beautiful. Now, I find it even more so. I do not know how to thank you."
“Not necessary, my love. This is exactly where it belongs.”
Sidney presses his lips to her finger again.
“There is a story here,” he says.
“Oh?”
“Yes. As a boy, I would sit with my mother and ask to look at this ring. I believed it the most beautiful thing. This central stone, the emerald, green as the sea, I loved its clarity,” he explains, “and the pearls either side I imagined as foam on the waves. My mother would remove it from her finger for a moment, for me to hold and admire. I would move it about in the light and think of swimming through cool water.”
“Oh. So you were an imaginative child. This is endearing.”
“A dreamer in those days, I do admit,” he says, with a small chuckle. “On one such occasion my mother told me that she wished to pass the ring down to me. Her hope was that I would place it on the finger of the girl who would steal my heart, at whatever time might suit. Tom was also made aware of her decision. When she passed, he handed it over to me. I determined then that the time to place it on a young lady’s finger would be my wedding day.”
“Oh … so you already had the ring when you were betrothed all those years ago. You must have been planning to –”
“No. No, no, I was not,” he replies, cutting her short, “I was so concerned with making something of myself then, to prove my worth, I had not even begun to consider that. Happy though I was, I knew I must be prepared for a long betrothal, and at that time this ring had not entered my mind. I stumbled upon it as I packed a few of my belongings for Antigua. After what had occurred I’d already decided I would never marry, so put it away with no plan in mind for it. In all these years I had not given it a thought, until you made your home in my heart. As things unfolded my mind became fixed. If I could not give it to you, it would never belong to another. I knew, without a shadow of doubt that my mother would have approved. She would have considered you perfect for this ring.”
“It is perfect, for me! I am privileged to be your choice, Sidney, so very privileged.”
“It is I who am privileged my love. There is much of my past that would have disappointed my mother greatly, but she would be at least a little proud of me now; of the man I have become. She would know this is thanks to the young lady who has accepted me, imperfections and all.”
“Has accepted … because she loves you.”
“Yes.”
“You were right, Sidney. I only knew of love what I had read. How naïve you must have thought me!”
“No, sweetheart. That was a conceited criticism. The truth of it is you knew as much as I. If you were naïve about love, then so was I.”
She chuckles a little at this thought, as a sudden recall of his welcome from Mrs Harries plays over in her mind.
“Oh I think not, Mr Parker,” she mocks softly, “you surely remember I witnessed your conversation with the lady of that house near Drury Lane. That boarding house, you know the one.” She cannot resist a cheeky smile, as he glances away, shaking his head and appearing ill at ease.
“Charlotte, please, I swear to you,” he says awkwardly, “such places have nothing to do with love. I regret–”
“Oh Sidney, let us not dwell on that. You must surely realise I was teasing?”
“Alright,” he replies, looking back to her, “but Charlotte, I have never before experienced what I discovered with you last night. I knew it would be wonderful, but even so, like you I cannot adequately describe it.”
“You too feel this?”
“I do.”
“Marriage … I had not imagined … this has been a revelation, and so liberating! There is such a wonderful freedom to this,” Charlotte says, “a freedom I had only tried to envisage. It is so much more … more than I could possibly have pictured in my most fanciful dreams.” She touches her hand to his chest, as she continues to explain the depth of her feelings. “I am no longer shy of this,” she says softly, “talking of what we can do – these feelings we can now share without limitation.”
“So,” Sidney asks, smirking, and relieved to take the conversation to a more amusing topic, “we can now continue our conversation from the carriage, on that journey to London?”
“Yes,” she says with a giggle, “to be honest, I have no idea why I became so embarrassed discussing it!”
“Hmm, you had me confused,” he declares. “You’d been so amused, with my attempt to apologise, for my loose tongue with Babington and Crowe.”
“I believe that was mostly bravado. You were so contrite and discomfited, it made me bold. But in the carriage my attempt to compliment you was an abysmal failure! I look at you now, and I see again the most handsome man, in every feature. As to your bearing, what I could not say for embarrassment in the carriage, I can tell you now ... quite simply, it leaves me breathless.”
“You’re flattering me Charlotte! If you continue this way, it is I who will become embarrassed!” he replies, wondering if she is serious or simply amused.
“Well then, perhaps it is your turn!”
Unexpectedly, with her nonchalant teasing Sidney thinks again of the house of ill repute near Drury Lane, recalling now her look of absolute disgust as she had questioned his perception of love as something to be paid for. His throat tightens as a feeling of shame sweeps over him.
“Forgive me Charlotte,” he pleads, his voice now husky with emotion, “I have behaved poorly in many ways through the years, but please believe me when I say that even before meeting you, I had not frequented one of those houses in a long time. Such activity had become abhorrent to me. When I was first encouraged into it I was a heartbroken youth, hurt to think that I was not worthy of love. I knew nothing of what might happen in those places. That introduction was shocking to me, but it took my thoughts away from the sting of rejection. I mistook it for what I had lost with my broken engagement. I sought love in the wrong places. I would indulge heavily in drinking before visiting there, for courage I suppose, but it failed to numb the hurt. It soon proved to be a lonely, empty thing.”
“Sidney, it is alright –”
“Charlotte, please allow me to say this.”
Sidney pauses, looking at her as if waiting for permission to go on.
“I wish I had not mentioned that place!” she says despairingly. "Surely we do not need to speak of it today…”
He strokes her hair, his eyes fixed on hers. “It’s important that I explain. We agreed, no secrets, did we not?”
“Well then, I suppose, if you must,” she replies unhappily, now regretting her attempt to tease.
“I must.”
He reaches for her hand again, entwining their fingers as he continues.
“Upon my return from Antigua, I did visit there again, at Crowe’s insistence. With no romantic attachment I saw no harm in it, but that visit simply confirmed it was not something I wanted, and I had no wish to return. Yes, Mrs. Harries did remember me, as you heard, but you will recall also, she said they’d not seen me there in a while. In truth, by then, if someone suggested a visit, I would immediately decline. You see, there was a young lady in Sanditon whose face was always invading my thoughts. You. I was fighting the desire to acquaint with you better, but fate took its course. Now, after all the vicissitudes of life so far, here we are, together.”
“Your struggles have been long and arduous,” Charlotte says. “You did not deserve such suffering. However, perhaps your experience of that place has taught you things.” Her voice reduces to almost a whisper. “Last night, your gentle touch, it made me come alive.”
“Last night, my darling, had nothing to do with experience. I was a man in love, with you in my arms. I was finally giving all of myself to the woman who brings me the greatest of joy. As you say, it was heavenly. I was anxious, however. I was afraid I might frighten or hurt you.”
“You did neither.”
“I thought you might feel embarrassed or timid, but you surprised me. Your touch was amazing, Charlotte. And you seemed so … so sure…”
“You made me sure. You have already shown me in so many ways that you love me. This was a natural progression I think …”
“Perhaps so. You surprised me with your curiosity, and your confidence. I’d thought you’d be unknowing of the intimacy we could share. You’ve spoken with your mother perhaps?”
“I did not need to speak with Mama, although she did offer to discuss these things with me. I was hardly unknowing. I assumed you would understand. Have you forgotten I am a farmer’s daughter?” she asks cheekily.
“Ah, yes, of course, and … you read books!”
“You see, you do understand!”
Sidney laughs as he pulls her across his chest, saying, “Charlotte, you are the most captivating woman! Don’t ever change!” He kisses her forehead before drawing back to look directly into her eyes.
Suddenly serious now, he takes a long breath and returns her gentle pressure against their firmly entwined fingers.
“This is how it will be for us now,” he says softly, “this happiness, for the rest of our lives. I knew it would be like this Charlotte – I’ve wanted what we shared last night for so long now. I’ve spent these last weeks bracing myself against overstepping, waiting for this.”
“How on earth did you hide this need?”
“Hah, with extreme difficulty!” he says on a short laugh.
“Oh I am sorry! I suppose I should have been keeping my distance from you, but being engaged, I thought our behaviour was acceptable. We were decorous enough though, surely?"
“It was somewhat difficult to keep my hands to myself,” he replies jokingly.
“Then we must remedy that!”
Mischievously Charlotte pulls her hand away to begin tickling across his torso. He responds in kind, with much giggling from both as they explore each other’s sensitivity to this playful type of touching.
All at once the mood changes, as each becomes aware of a different sensation creeping in with the movements of their fingers.
“I thought yesterday that I had found the ultimate happiness,” Charlotte says softly, “but after last night I realise I was only halfway there! I am almost in disbelief that of all women, you have fallen in love with me! ”
“How could I not? No other woman can compare. You are perfection, in every way.”
“Now you are flattering me! But truly, you are the most handsome man, and that is with or without the attire!” she declares, pushing playfully at his chest.
Sidney’s face remains solemn.
“I speak in earnest, Charlotte. You are beyond compare.”
“Oh!” Charlotte replies, much quieter now. Sidney’s eyes are fixed on hers, with a desire she instantly recognises as a match for her own. Resting her hand over his heart, she continues, “I love you. I truly love you, and this, not only speaking of it but showing it, sharing it, is indescribably beautiful. It fills my heart, my soul, and my senses … all of me. It is heaven come to earth for me.”
Sidney gazes at her, lost for words.
“I feel your heartbeat, Sidney, it is strong and fast. It stirs something in me. Like butterflies. This sensation, I feel it again now. It is a need, a desire, to give myself to you, knowing that you feel the same for me.”
Sidney swallows hard. Charlotte is right, his heart is thumping. He can scarcely believe what he has just heard, these wonderful words from this truly amazing woman. Yet, he knows … perhaps somehow he has always known … that she feels as he does. The surprising thing is that she is not afraid to express these feelings – to show him. Charlotte knows him. She loves him as he loves her. To live without her now could only be a meaningless existence. She is already part of him. She is his everything … his today and his tomorrow, his forever beloved.
Pulling the sheet aside, Sidney slides his hand across her waist.
“Charlotte, my sweet, precious love, come close.”
“I am close.”
“Closer,” he says, gently drawing her in, “much closer ... your skin to mine.”
“Oh-h,” she whispers, her body now flush against his, “oh yes.” She tugs lightly at his shoulder, bringing him with her as she rolls onto her back. His hand moves up to slide through her hair, coming to rest softly against the side of her throat. Eyes meet eyes, and do not waver.
“Please now, let me touch you … kiss you … let me love you again.”
Her whispered response is lost, swallowed back as his lips find hers. With one finger Sidney lovingly traces the path of her new gold neck chain, to pause briefly where the locket lies against her skin, at the base of her throat. He pulls away slightly, looking deep into her dark, velvety eyes once again. Charlotte reaches up to frame his face, drawing him in, her lips tingling as they scrape lightly against his morning stubble. With that, Sidney moves his hand lower; slowly, gently, closing his eyes with the familiar feeling of longing washing through him. Tenderly touching her perfect, silky skin his fingers glide on down, taking the lovers on their journey of discovery and delight, just as they had last night.