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Feixiao entered Jiaoqiu’s working quarters, but the past few weeks haven’t been kind to him. A few days after she managed to save him from Hoolay Jiaoqiu was completely engrossed in his work as he tried to find for himself, hiding his own sickness….. Maybe sickness is not the right word one would use to describe his condition. He aches, inside and out from the wounds inflicted upon him by the Borisin, he’s traumatized by the scent of Lupotoxin that has been exposed to his nose for hours without end, the presence of the toxin signifies the time of pain and torture he had to endure until his captives were satisfied with their toy.
Feixiao watched as Jiaoqiu had once again drowned himself in his work, she saw the cups of instant noodles. There was a time he would even chastise her for eating such food. A messy and unorganized room filled with herbs, text papers, books, data pads, and samples of Lupotoxin. Jiaoqiu was amidst it all with a very tired look, his frown contrasting the usual calm and collected face he would show at any moment. His hair and tail are messy after not being tended for days.
She usually came here to check up on him three times a day, she would watch as he worked endlessly without even noticing her presence, it was as if he was too overwhelmed to not notice her.
A stern cough broke the silence, halting the mixture of herbs Jiaoqiu was stirring in a test tube.
Slowly and tiredly he turned his head to roughly meet her gaze and a soft smile ordained his exhausted face, making him look so vulnerable, so weak.
“You’re tired,” It wasn’t a question, nor was it a suggestion. It was a stern statement with a stern face, yet betrayed by her own sad look at his state.
People say the eyes are the windows of a person’s soul. But what of those who are blind? They cannot see other people’s eyes nor can other people see those who refuse to even open their own eyes. Had he not been blind Jiaoqiu could see the glint of sadness that filled her eyes, he slumped his shoulder, let out a sigh, and took a deep breath. Logically resting would be the best option for him, but it was not that he was concerned about.
His hands danced around the table surface as he felt the mess it entailed after weeks of being cooped up in this place.
Yet so far.
Like a jigsaw puzzle that needed only but a piece to complete it, for it to become whole, for it to be considered a success.
“I…I’m fine,” A statement both of them knew was a complete and utter lie.
“You should be the one resting general, your body still hasn't recovered fully from Hoolay’s heart transplantation,” Jiaoqiu was instead now showing concern towards her, and she hated it, in the past she would have teased him or even shrug it off, but this was different from all those times before. This time he was in a more dire situation than her.
Not just in health.
But of the mind as well.
Chewing on her lips she approached the doctor, carefully navigating around the mess on the floor before she finally reached him. Now that she was closer she could finally see his dark eyebags that almost made him look like a panda, a panda with fox ears. She wanted to tease him, but now seems inappropriate for that.
“You need to sleep,” The general ordered in an authoritative tone.
“While you may be my general and you hold the highest authority…” Jiaoqiu spoke softly, his voice groggy and dry. “A doctor’s authority surpasses even that of a general if it’s regarding medical matters.
She clicked her tongue at his retort, she was ready to grab him and carry him like a sack of potatoes back to his room right then and there, but still she gave him a chance to at least keep his dignity.
“This…” She gestured around them before lastly pointing at him. “Is not healthy…” She said, “It is far from healthy,” She saw that he wanted to retort again, but sternly cut him off with her last words.
Reaching out her hand to him she wanted to caress him, but the leaking Lupotoxin from her was far intense from the other ones in this room. Out of instinct Jiaoqiu steps back, trying to create some distance between them. This however made her frown, she took another step further which was replied with a step back from him.
He cursed internally multiple times, he had to face her, he had to assure her that all was fine, but how? How can he do that when he avoids her like a plague, how can he face her if he tries to run every time she tries to approach him.
“You’re afraid of me,” She stated again, even behind that calm and tired look in his eyes, she saw it. That glimmer of fear that flashed in his eyes for short moments before he calmed himself down.
“Jiaoqiu,” Her tone was serious now, it looked like she was about to crush something.
“You haven’t been entirely honest to me have you?” She approached more aggressively, managing to grab his shoulders.
She could feel his body tremble against her touch.
The look of terror that flashed in her eyes.
The fear in his face at her sudden approach, intruding on his private space.
“What did they do to you?” She asked softly as she loosened her hold on his and pulled him to her, wrapping her arms around him, while burying her face at the crook of his neck, she felt his body stiffened for a moment before he reciprocated her hug.
“Just some trauma. It’ll go away in time, it is nothing compared to…”
“Stop it! Stop it dammit! Stop undervaluing yourself! Stop being the sacrificial lamb or the savior complex kind of man!!” She shouted at him. “At times like this I wish you were that shrewd and resourceful fox you always act like.To be calm at any situation and a sharp mind that would think of a solution to the problem… Not this damned desperate thing in front of me…” She shouted into his flesh, he could feel his shoulder start to dampen, soon followed by sniffles and sobs.
“You’re broken…” She stated. “But you’re too damn stubborn to acknowledge it,” She continued.
Jiaoqiu stayed quiet as he let her pour out her heart for him, he wanted to assure her, he wanted to be able to speak to her once more, to touch her without fear..
“Fine… I’ll rest for a while,” He relented. But Feixiao doubted that.
“Come to my quarters, let it all out, cry it all out. I’ll be there for you,” She softly whispered, a tinge of embarrassment spreaded across her face.
Too tired, he allowed her to guide him to her quarters, he allowed her to hold him to let him get used to her presence. Her soft and warm touch made him want to lean in more into her.
When the two arrived Feixiao unlocked the door and let them in, she guided him to the sofa to let him sit down before she went to the kitchen to get some drinks for him and some snacks.
“You should eat and drink something,” She softly placed the food and drink in front of him, “You look like you haven’t eaten for days,” atop the glass table the food didn’t feel appetizing for Jiaoqiu… rather, nothing tasted appetizing ever since he was rescued.
Trying to assure her he grabbed a loaf of bread and some butter, using a butter knife to spread the butter on the bread he soon brought it to his mouth and started chewing on it. After a while he started to eat and drink normally, bringing some comfort to Feixiao who was happy to see him eat normally.
Sitting beside him Feixiao rested her head on his shoulder, her body leaning into his as he used him to rest.
“Please take better care of yourself,” She sounded pleading, and he hated to hear her like this because of him.
He felt useless.
He felt burdensome.
He simply wanted to disappear.
“I’ll try,” He stated, a warm smile crept up her face as she snuggled closer, knocking him down to the couch before she crawled up atop his body.
Swallowing a lump of saliva Jiaoqiu nervously stared at her who now had her face in front of his, so close yet it felt so far, so wrong,.
“Tell me, what did they do to you?” She rested her head atop his chest. “After that incident you started to be more paranoid, more emotional, more scared,” She grabbed hold of his face, caressing it with her thumb tracing his cheeks.
“As time goes on you start to become less human… More like prey, prey that constantly fear the future, the unknown, and predators,” She muttered softly, her gaze glued into his face.
“I..” Jiaoqiu stopped, letting out a deep shaky breath. He tried to avoid her gaze, but her hold stopped him.
“I’m scared… of you,” He muttered under his breath. “But I’m also afraid for you,” He held one of her hands, his hand covering hers. “I’m afraid that I’ll never see you again,” He closed his eyes, reaching out his hand to her face to feel her.
“That I’ll never see this face…” A flicker of disparity could be seen in his eyes when he opened them again after a long while. “That I will forget what your face looks like,” His soft tone was almost inaudible to her, his other hand reaching out to caress her cheek.
Leaning into his touch Feixiao suprpesed a mewl at the warmth his hand gave her. Jiaoqiu slowly moved up until his hand was caressing her fox ears that further added pleasure to her.
“Ngh…” She groaned softly before grabbing that pesky hand. “Stop distracting me from the current problem…” Her husky voice rang out, deep and clear to his ears.
“Help me,” Jiaoqiu whispered into her ears and in an instant Feixiao enveloped his lips with her, his hand held firm against her cheek as he felt her tears trickle down from her eyes to his hand.
Feixiao pulled away from the kiss, her breath trembling. The air between them was thick with something unspoken, an aching desire to break through the walls they had both built, but also the fear of what lay beyond them.
Jiaoqiu couldn’t see her expression, but he felt her hesitation in the way her breath faltered against his lips. His hands, trembling and unsure, lingered on her face, mapping out the contours of her cheek and jawline. The touch was both familiar and foreign to him now—once a source of comfort, but now a reminder of how distant he felt from the world, even from her.
Feixiao rested her forehead against his, her hands trembling as they held his face. "I’m not going to let you slip away," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "Not again."
Jiaoqiu’s breath hitched, and for the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to feel the weight of her words. "I don’t know how to stay," he admitted, his voice cracking. "I don’t even know how to be here anymore."
"You don’t have to know," Feixiao responded, her hands moving to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. "I’ll carry you through it. You just need to stop running."
He didn’t respond, only leaned into her embrace, the warmth of her body grounding him in a way that his other senses never could. The scent of her, the warmth of her skin against his, the rhythm of her heartbeat—these were the things that reminded him he wasn’t completely lost.
In the dim stillness of her quarters, the weight of his trauma, the things left unsaid, the memories he couldn’t face—all of it began to blur, if only for a moment.
But the silence between them didn’t last long.
"Tell me," Feixiao said softly, breaking the stillness. "Tell me what they did to you. What really happened in that place." Her voice, though gentle, carried an intensity that told him she needed to know, even if it broke him further to reveal it.
Jiaoqiu’s breath hitched, and he shook his head, burying his face in her shoulder. "I can’t. It’s—it’s too much."
"You can," Feixiao said firmly. "You need to."
For several long moments, the only sound was their breathing, the steady rhythm of their heartbeats filling the space between them. Finally, Jiaoqiu spoke, his voice hollow, like a man recounting a distant nightmare.
"They... wanted to break me," he began, his words coming out slowly, as though each one cost him something. "Not just physically. The Borisin… they thrive on psychological torment. They used Lupotoxin... exposed me to it for days, kept me awake for nights on end. I started hallucinating, couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. I... I couldn’t see, but I heard things, felt things. Every time I thought it was over, they’d start again. They laughed when I begged for it to stop."
Feixiao’s grip tightened around him, her body tense as she listened. She had known Jiaoqiu was suffering, but this... this was far worse than she’d imagined.
"They’d let me think I was free, only to drag me back. I’d hear voices, feel things crawling on my skin, like the sensation of someone watching me… but there was no one there. The Lupotoxin... it gets into your head. It twists everything, even your sense of self."
"Jiaoqiu," Feixiao whispered, her voice thick with emotion. She pressed a kiss to his temple, her tears dampening his skin.
"I’m broken," he said, his tone bitter, self-loathing. "I don’t know how to be anything else now. I can’t even touch you without being afraid. Afraid that I’ll hurt you... or that I’ll lose track of reality again."
Feixiao pulled back slightly, looking down at him even though she knew he couldn’t see her. But her touch remained firm, her hands caressing his face. "You’re not broken," she said firmly. "Damaged, yes. Hurt, yes. But you are not beyond repair."
Jiaoqiu shook his head, tears beginning to slip from the corners of his eyes. "I don’t know if I can believe that."
"You don’t have to," Feixiao replied, her thumb brushing away his tears. "But I’ll believe it for you, until you can."
The vulnerability in Jiaoqiu’s expression deepened, and though he couldn’t see her, he felt the emotion radiating from her. For a moment, he felt like he was going to break apart completely.
But instead, he reached for her, his hands shaking as he touched her face again, this time without the fear, without the instinct to pull away.
"I want to feel human again," he whispered, his voice raw with desperation. "I want to be whole, but I don’t know how."
Feixiao’s heart ached at his confession. She pressed her lips to his forehead, holding him close.
"Then let me help you," she whispered. "Let me remind you what it feels like to be alive."
They stayed like that for a while, locked in a fragile embrace, as though time had stopped outside of this room, outside of their pain. But even as Feixiao held him, she knew that the road ahead wouldn’t be easy. Jiaoqiu’s trauma was deep, and the scars—both physical and mental—would take time to heal.
But for tonight, they could exist in this small bubble, where the world and all its horrors couldn’t reach them.
For tonight, they had each other.
The weight of what they shared hung in the air, but it wasn’t oppressive—it was grounding, a lifeline for both of them. In the quiet of Feixiao’s quarters, they found solace, not in solving their problems but in facing them together.
The Lupotoxin may have poisoned his mind, but Feixiao... she was the antidote, the one thing that kept him tethered to the person he used to be—the person he still could be, if he was brave enough to try.
And as he finally drifted into a restless sleep, for the first time in what felt like forever, Jiaoqiu began to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a way back.
That there was still hope for him.