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Kremy Lecroux was not a pathetic man.
He had been called pathetic a good chunk of his life, by his old boss, by his patron, by mr. Garou, by people he had met, by people who had never even spoken to him. But he knew he was not a pathetic man.
He did his best in his life and worked his ass off not to be a pathetic man.
And yet… at that moment… he felt like all that work had just been for nothing.
He was probably being too hard on himself (something he had in common with Frost, actually, now that he thought about it), but he didn’t care. What he was doing was the definition of being pathetic.
They were a few days into their adventures in the Fae Wilds. They took turns on who would keep watch during the night, so no one was overly tired on any particular day, and tonight was his night. His first night, actually, as he had convinced the others he needed sleep the first days in. He almost convinced Gricko it was his turn again, actually, but Frost was quick to correct him. So, it was his turn. His first night, awake and alone, watching over their camp.
That wasn’t the pathetic part. No. That was the annoying part.
The pathetic part was what he was doing to pass the time.
The wedding was still on his mind, like a bug bite that doesn’t stop itching no matter how much you leave it alone. He remembered the love sickness that fell over him due to the fae magic, and he remembered how it didn’t exactly go away after the curse was lifted.
He had been thinking about it all throughout these days, ever since they got inside the Fae Wilds. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, retracing his steps, seeing where it had gone wrong. When it had gone wrong.
How had he fallen for Gideon in the first place?
He was past anger and denial by now, there was no use in lingering there: every time Gideon laughed or smiled or touched him in any way he felt like he was going to combust, so it was easier to simply accept it so he could move on with it. Now, he was in the stage of understanding. He wanted to know how it had happened, so he could either get it back to before that point, or make sure it never happened again with anyone else.
It wasn’t when they met, of that he was sure. At that point, all Kremy saw when he looked at Gideon was easy money: someone who would protect him without much thought, in exchange for food and shelter. Gideon was small and weak and hurt at that point, and Kremy knew he could make it big. He made a bet, and came out on the winning side.
It wasn’t when Gideon finally got to the size and strength he was now. They had been working for a good while together by that point, and Kremy remembered being proud of the boy he had saved, but that was pretty much it. Pride. He was proud of how he had grown, how confident he had become. Handsome too, he attracted all kinds of folk to their little carnival, made girls and guys spend copious amounts of money just to watch him breathe out fire.
It wasn’t when Gideon defended him from mr. Garou either. By that point, Gideon was his bodyguard and that was his whole thing, to protect Kremy in a situation such as that. No, that was his job, and Kremy was glad he had hired someone like Gid, he was massive and very strong and powerful. That alone was enough reason to keep him around.
It wasn’t when he first saw Gideon cry. No, that night he was fucking embarrassed as shit. He had never ever seen Gideon show any emotion that wasn’t anger or joy, and those emotions he knew well enough how to handle. But when he saw Gideon cry… that was rough. Kremy remembered seeing his heartstrings tug and he remembered how awkward it was when he placed a hand on Gideon’s shoulder for comfort, only for the genasi to pull him into a tight hug and sob into his chest. It was… insane. He didn’t even remember what brought it up exactly, something about Gideon’s parents, but he wasn’t sure. Gideon had never really dwelled on those things before. He much rather not talk about the ‘before’ Kremy, as he said. But Kremy remembered his broken cries and remembered holding him, and brushing his hair until he calmed down. It had brought a deep pain into his heart, like he was the one hurt.
It wasn’t when Gideon saw him crying for the first time either. He didn’t remember why he was crying, he had drunk a lot (way too much), and something about having worked for a bitch for years and having a patron to follow kinda blew his mind for that evening, and he embarrassed himself by sobbing like a kid. And then, Gideon came to him, wrapped his large arms around his body and pulled him close, and it was the warmest, softest hug Kremy had ever received. He remembered never wanting to leave that spot, never wanting to pull away. And he remembered he didn’t pull away, he fell asleep right there, against Gideon. And he remembered waking up feeling much better.
The more he looked, the less sense everything made. None of the most important moments of their partnership had been the moment. He couldn’t remember a single time he looked at Gideon and thought maybe he could be in love with him. So why did that fae magic just… opened the door like it had always been there, begging to be unlocked? Part of him would like to believe he had some lingering magic… but none of the others did, so that was absolutely illogical. It had to be something else.
But what?
Kremy sighed, pushing his face into his hands and groaning loudly. It was no fucking use. He had no idea why he was in love with Gideon, and now that he had thought it out loud, there was no denying either. He was in love with Gideon. He would just have to deal with it.
He thought about making a pact for a moment to remove that feeling from him, but discarded the idea as it would probably just make him never love anyone ever again and he didn’t like that idea. He just shook his head, leaned back against the rock and looked up at the strange Fae sky.
His hands touched over his stomach, and his cheeks burned as he remembered why he was having all this internal monologue in the first place.
He looked down at the reason why he was a pathetic man: a ring. Like a schoolgirl, he had made himself a ring, to symbolize their marriage. It felt strange not having one, considering he was now legally married. Of course it didn’t make sense because a ring was usually wore to show people whoever wore it was taken, and he wasn’t really taken because he and Gideon were married by a technicality, and he would never want his best friend to stop fucking around because they were married over a few misspoken words, but still. It felt weird.
So, he had taken a small piece of Gideon’s chain one night prior, and using his magic, he had spent the whole night forging himself a ring.
And now he was wearing that ring on his ring finger. Like a pathetic man.
He sighed, playing with the ring silently, feeling his heart ache as he thought about the pixie rings Gideon had in his bag, one of wood, one of stone and one of gold, to symbolize their union. Gideon wasn’t ever going to use them… but he had one for each… and none for Kremy.
Kremy sighed and closed his eyes again, holding the ring, playing with it and calming his aching heart. He seriously needed to get a grip. To get rid of that childish feeling and move on. Gideon didn’t want him. Gideon didn’t love him. He had to get over it.
He had to… no matter how much it hurt.