Chapter Text
Kabru strode through the streets of the town wearing a sunny smile. Internally, his mind was buzzing with fretful calculations. What in the hell am I going to do? he thought as he waved to passing friends and acquaintances. Walking while thus distracted, he turned to call a cheerful greeting to a shopkeeper he knew, then ran right into an unmovable object.
“What—” he sputtered, frantically looking around and then slightly down to see unruly silver hair, mismatched black eyes, and a hint of a chapped-lipped frown. “Oh! Captain!”
Mithrun of the House of Kerensil, retired captain of the Canaries, stood still in the center of the street, peering up at Kabru. The elf was slender and only came up to his nose, and yet, when they collided, Kabru was the one who rebounded off him and nearly fell over backwards. How was it possible for someone so small and slim to be so unyielding?
“You’re very distracted today,” the elf stated.
“Ah, erm, yes, I’m afraid I am.” Kabru bowed his head and rubbed the back of his neck distractedly. He’d never learned to be artfully charming around Mithrun. When they first fell into the dungeon, the captain had clearly thought nothing of Kabru. Kabru would never forget the absurd, insulting form his shapeshifter took—there had clearly been no reason to try to get in the good graces of someone who saw him like that! As time went on, Kabru flattered himself, he’d earned some grudging respect from Mithrun, but by then there was no point in belatedly putting on a mask. Mithrun respected Kabru as he was. And besides, Kabru had a sneaking suspicion that for all his disinterested demeanor, the captain could see through pretense with ease if he bothered to think about it.
Forthrightness was all well and good when they were alone in the dungeon, or when they were with Mithrun’s Canary squad, who were quick to poke fun at Kabru but also appreciated the way he handled their captain. But it wouldn’t do to dissolve into awkward embarrassment on a busy street, surrounded by people who knew him from his past career as an adventurer or his new role as royal advisor. Kabru made an effort to stand up straight and calmly look Mithrun in the eye.
“Let’s go somewhere a bit less central if you want to hear about it,” he suggested.
Mithun gave a complacent shrug, so Kabru led the way down a side street to a quiet public garden. He sank down on a bench, leaving room for the captain to join him. Then he hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees with a longsuffering sigh.
“Milsiril is coming to visit next week,” he explained.
“Oh.” Mithrun’s eyebrows rose slightly as he took his seat. “And you’re worried about that.”
“I love her, and I’m grateful for everything she’s done for me, but she can be so smothering.”
Mithrun nodded. “Milsiril assisted with my rehabilitation after my time as dungeon lord, so I think I understand.”
“Of course. Though it may be even worse when she’s your adoptive mother. And I bet you’ve never faced the exact problem I have right now.”
“Oh?” Mithrun cocked his head with an inquiring look.
“She’s decided it’s time for me to get married,” Kabru groaned.
“Oh,” Mithrun said again. “I’m sure she doesn’t care at all about my personal life, and I imagine she thinks I’m completely unmarriageable anyway, so no, I never had that issue. You don’t want to get married?”
“I’m only twenty-two—”
“Isn’t that about middle aged for tallmen?”
“No! I’m old enough to marry if I wanted to, but I’m still pretty young! And anyway, I don’t want to marry some random person Milsiril picks out. She hardly even knows anybody, other than my adoptive siblings. She won’t try to make me marry any of them, but I have no idea who she’ll dig up.”
“Can’t you just tell her you don’t want to? She can’t force you to get married. She doesn’t even live here.”
“You know how determined she can be. She’ll probably just start showing up at my door with various eligible singles and not stop until I give in and accept one of them.”
“Hmm.” Mithrun looked thoughtful.
“I’ve been thinking about it all week. The best strategy I’ve come up with so far is to convince her I’m already dating someone. That should at least buy me peace until her next visit. And if I’m lucky, she’ll get distracted with her other children and not come back for a year or more. The only problem is, I have no idea who could pretend to be my partner.”
“I still think you should just tell her you’re not ready,” Mithrun intoned. “I know Milsiril pretty well, and—”
Kabru stopped listening, turning to gaze intently at the captain.
“You do know her well,” he said.
“Yes,” Mithrun replied.
“You’ve known her for decades,” Kabru mused, more to himself than Mithrun. “You know what she would find credible. Plus, it would probably really annoy her. It’s perfect!”
“What’s perfect?”
“Captain,” Kabru cried, “will you pretend to date me? Just while Milsiril is here?”
“I don’t mind,” the captain said flatly. “But why me? I already told you she probably thinks I’m far too damaged for anyone to marry.”
“That’s why it’s perfect, though. I get a little revenge on her for meddling in my love life by finding a completely unsuitable partner.” He caught a glimpse of Mithrun’s annoyed expression and hastened to add, “In her opinion! I think you’d be a fine partner if you wanted to, but I know you don’t. But hey, that’s a perk too, really. Since you can’t feel desire, it won’t get complicated. If I asked someone like my friend Rin, I shudder to think what might happen.”
“Won’t Milsiril be suspicious precisely because I lack desires? She knows all about my time as dungeon lord.”
“You’re discovering some new desires, though. We can just tell her this is one of them.”
“I told you I’d rather eat basilisk than walking mushroom the other day, then broke down weeping because it was the first time I’d had a food preference in forty years. I’m still far from recovered. Anyway, doesn’t that undermine what you said about avoiding complication?”
“I guess it could,” Kabru allowed. “But come on, even if you’re developing some new desires, there’s no way you’d ever really desire me.”
“Hm.”
“What do you say—will you help me out? She’s just here for a week. Hopefully a couple of awkward dinners will do the trick. And if we’re lucky, I’ll find someone to actually date before she comes back and you’ll never have to do it again.”
“I don’t mind helping.”
“Captain, you’re a lifesaver! I’m so relieved, I could hug you.”
“You can,” Mithrun said with a shrug.
Why not? Kabru thought. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around Mithrun, who held perfectly still and allowed it. It was clumsy and stiff, and Kabru could feel himself blushing. As he pulled away, a thought struck him.
“Oh, if we’re pretending to date, I should probably stop calling you ‘Captain,’ huh?”
Mithrun shot him a stern look. “I’ve been telling you that since I retired.”