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Shouichi hummed silently to himself wondering about that not-future, about all of those not-futures where Byakuran had ruled in insanity because of him because he had triggered Byakuran's ability to see into parallel worlds before the marshmallow obsessed Sky inherited the mare ring surely the white haired male would never forgive him for such a thing? While thinking of that his mind wondered if it would have happened had he never been born, would the effect of the him that was the catalyst of Byakuran's power not being born have affected anything? Or would another him have been just as curious to investigate the parallel worlds to see if he could make a living with his music instead of his genius.
Mulling over the invasive thoughts that refuses to leave he glanced at Byakuran, smiling softly at the sight of him munching peacefully on marshmallows so much more relaxed then he was in that not-future where he had known Shouichi would betray him, he had known it yet he embraced it if only for a chance a redemption and to be free of the insanity that came with memories of worlds that crumbled with him as the catalyst. Yuni had given him that freedom Shouichi mused, were he had locked Byakuran up in insanity Yuni had given Byakuran the means to stop himself from getting there ever again and yet the older male was still so relaxed around him. Why?
Deciding to ask the things haunting him Shouichi shifted so he was lying down to gaze at the stars, looking at space always made him relax whenever he wanted to ask questions that made his stomach ache at the possible reactions. Sighing quietly he shifted again until he was comfortable with his arms behind his head as a pillow and the stars as his ceiling.
"Hey Byakuran?" Shouichi murmured softly as he gazed up at the stars above them, laying down on his roof as Byakuran lent back on his arms. Hearing a curious hum sound from the albino relaxing next to him he twisted his head to look, olive irises connecting with lilac laced with the barest hints of worry hidden behind careless curiosity.
"Yes Shou-chan? What is it." Byakuran chirped, flopping around onto his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows to face his red headed friend that was so anxiety riddled. Tilting his head curiously Byakuran reached out towards to his olive eyed companion marshmallow in hand and prodded Shouichi's lips pushing the sugary snack into his mouth when Shouichi obediently opened his mouth, smiling as the last of the tension seeped from the others shoulders while he chewed on the marshmallow.
"Do you ever wonder if the world would be better of without out you, that is you never existed it would make a difference? Make the world a better place if you hadn't been born and thus never made the mistakes you did?" Shouichi questioned, silently naming constellations in his head as he refused the urge to look at Byakuran's reaction unaware of the frown that had settled on the others face.
Several minutes passed in silence and as Shouichi was starting to regret letting his thoughts run free Byakuran reached over and gently tilted his head to face the albino, shifting into a sitting position to cup Shouichi's face as he stared down at him the the softest look Shouichi had ever seen on Byakuran's face ever. Byakuran leaned down to connect their foreheads with a small bitter smile, closing his eyes as tears welled up in them obscuring the world from his vision.
"Sometimes," he breathed slowly, "sometimes I fantasise about what would happen if I didn't exist. Other times I wonder about if the concept of myself never existed that Tsunayoshi wouldn't have been dragged into the mafia to stop me." He murmured, hot breath washing over Shouichi's face.
"Then," he paused to lick his lips nervously and open his eyes now free of tears to stare into Shouichi's olive coloured irises, "then I remember that your here. I remember your here and you feel so guilty about triggering my power when I don't blame you one bit it would have come eventually you only made it awaken earlier and I don't think you realise that fact." Byakuran gently wiped away the tears Shouichi hadn't noticed were falling from his eyes with his thumb.
"I remember how much I love you and how much I want to be with you, how much I want to kiss you and hug you and marry you. I remember how you are my sanity and the all it took was for one world where you died protecting me from a stray bullet for that fragile line between insane and sane to blur." Shouichi was hiccuping now as Byakuran murmured his reasons to stay alive between kissing the tears of off Shouichi's cheeks.
"I remember that you were my first real friend, someone who wasn't scared of me and my personality. That I was your first friend that didn't mind that your anxiety caused chronic stomach pains, the first one that didn't laugh at your aspirations to become a musician and genuinely liked your creations." He continued as his own eyes watered up, a shaky smile practically lighting up Shouichi's world when he was supposed to be the sun not Byakuran.
"I remember that I never got the courage to ask you out and see if you liked me like that and I would like to ask you that now if you wouldn't mind answering Shouichi?" Byakuran whispered, burying his face into Shouichi's neck scared to see disgust in the olive eyes he could stare at for hours at a time.
Licking his lips Shouichi blinked, sighing shakily as he wrapped his arms nervously around Byakuran, nuzzling into the lilac eyed males shoulder letting out a short laugh which soon turned into borderline hysterical laughter of relief. Byakuran didn't hate him, Byakuran did not hate him, his love loved him just as much and did not hate him.
"I love you too Byakuran," Shouichi hiccuped with a watery grin, "I think that's why I kept going into different dimensions I was attracted to you then I fell in love and I wanted to see you but I didn't know where you were in this world. I thought you'd hate me for betraying you in that not-future, that you'd hate the fact I caused your insanity and desperation at not letting anything be out of your control was because I caused all of those variables but you just didn't want me hurt again and that makes me ridiculously happy. Stupidly so." He laughed into Byakuran's shoulder, smiling as the other moved back in to gaze into his eyes.
"I didn't want you to be hurt for my sake again Shou-chan," he murmured inbetween peppering kisses on the redheads face, "I was so scared to watch you die in front of me again but I could never hate you Shouichi. Could I have the wonderful permission of kissing you properly?" Byakuran asked softly, pausing a barely a centimetre from Shouichi's lips, love and happiness dancing in his red tinged eyes as Shouichi lent forward to kiss him while twining his hands into white hair.