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If there was one thing that Odile could count on in her forty-odd years in this world, it was her brain. She was smart. Good at deduction. Good at reading people, their actions, their motivations. Good at making very informed decisions with very little information at hand. Good at learning craft, and all the formulas and experimentation that came with it.
What she could not count on, however, was her heart. Emotions never came particularly easily to Odile. Matters of the heart couldn’t be diagnosed, and they couldn’t be easily observed, either. One’s actions could depend on their emotional state, and those can be seen just fine, but the emotions themselves couldn’t be extracted and studied in a lab. They can be read about in books, but they’re all so subjective that it wouldn’t matter anyway.
And her emotions weren’t any different. She remembered the first time she fell in love, it took months to realize what she was feeling. The fact that hatred could meld so easily with affection was completely foreign to her. Though, if she was being honest, even if she didn’t hate the person she probably wouldn’t have realized how she felt until they were long gone anyway. Her feelings often crept up on her when she least expected them, only to make themselves known when there was no longer any hope of them being reciprocated.
Not that reciprocation would matter — she wasn’t particularly fond of… well, anything to do with romance, really. It would be nice, though. A mutual acknowledgement of feelings. Something overly clinical that Isabeau and Mirabelle would probably scoff at her for. Those two were romantics in every sense of the word, which was hilariously ironic for Mirabelle, but Odile couldn’t quite poke fun at that considering Mirabelle hadn’t yet figured it out herself.
(To be fair, it’s not like it wasn’t obvious. But anyways.)
Odile hadn’t experienced that one-sided, subtle affection for quite some time, and had honestly begun to miss it. It was different from how she felt about her traveling companions. Mirabelle, Siffrin, Isabeau, Boniface, they were all special to her. But not the kind of special that she felt all those years ago, that special feeling whenever she saw that bastard from her hometown. Gems, how she wanted to just wring their neck —
She missed it.
But a month into their travels after they had defeated the king, just before departing Bambouche with Petronille’s blessing for Boniface to continue traveling with them all, Odile began to feel something. Something that tugged at her heart in a very familiar — yet still distinct enough to catch her off guard — manner.
—
“Come on, one secret quest.”
Odile sighed. “Isabeau, your puppy-dog eyes only work on Siffrin. You know that I am immune… though you have tried many times.”
“Come on, how could you say no to that face?” Siffrin pinched Isabeau’s cheek, which promptly went dark along with the rest of his face. “He’s like a big puppy. You don’t like puppies, Odile?”
“Yes.” Odile leans across the table and flicks Siffrin’s nose. They squeak. “As the two of you know, I hate puppies. Therefore, Isabeau will not be accompanying us on this secret quest. Also, he’s loud.”
“Hey, not my fault I get excited when I see something cool at a curio shop!” His face slowly began returning to its normal color. “But yeah, I gotcha. I’ll practice being quieter, m’dame!!!” Some of the tavern’s patrons looked over due to just how loudly Isabeau shouted that last bit, and Odile could only assume that the irony was not lost on him. Judging by the slight smile he cracked afterwards, she seemed to be right. She huffed, a little bit in frustration but mostly in amusement.
“Yes, keep that training up and I might just take you along one day. But as for right now, I’ll stick with Siffrin. He’s a little lower energy than the rest of you, and I’d rather not get a headache today.” Isabeau closed his eyes and nodded sagely. “Yes, yes. Introverts stick together. I gotcha.” He stood up and began walking towards the table where Mirabelle was sitting. “You guys have fun, Mira and I are getting some stuff for the next leg of the trip!”
“I suppose that’s our cue, then.” Siffrin got up from their chair, and Odile did in turn. The two began making their way toward the nearby shops. As soon as Odile stepped out the door, she was blasted by the humid heat of Bambouche.
Despite Ka Bue being so close to the equator, Odile could never quite get used to the heat. She always ran hot, no matter what. It was something that her father would always tease her about, considering how hot Ka Bue got in the summer. Generally Vaugarde was a bit cooler, being farther south, but today seemed to be an exception. She was fanning herself mere minutes after heading out of the inn. Curse Bambouche for being so damn hot all the time.
“So I know it’s supposed to be a secret quest, but what are we even looking for? It feels kind of aimless from my perspective.” Siffrin trudged along beside her, somehow not nearly as affected by the heat. It was a shame that they lost the hat. It probably would’ve protected them from the sun a little better.
“We’re… looking for a bookstore,” Odile said, already a bit out of breath. The humidity was killing her. “I’m… looking for information about Vaugardian culture.”
Siffrin hummed. “Another familytale, then?”
Odile hesitated for a moment. She wasn’t used to people knowing about her little mission, but if Siffrin had gone through that day hundreds of times, then of course he knew about the familytale. They probably knew a lot more about her, too, but she didn’t want to think about that right now.
“Anything, really, but yes, that’s the goal. Mostly, though, I just need a bit of shade, and a bookstore is always a nice place to cool down.” Odile could feel her shirt sticking to her skin. She’d take off the coat, but lighter shades reflected sunlight better. Besides, she didn’t want to have to carry it around with her the whole time. She’d just have to get to the bookstore. She could manage. It’s just a little sun.
A tug on the sleeve of her coat brought her attention back to Siffrin. He pointed to a bench on the side of the path, conveniently under the shade of a large, broad-leaved tree. No, not “conveniently,” it was likely placed there on purpose. You don’t accidentally build a bench under some shade.
“Uh. Shade. There.” Siffrin let go of her coat, his face going dark. “Ah, s-sorry about that. Should’ve just said something, instead of… grabbing.” He promptly began walking over to the bench before she could say anything, leaving her to follow after him.
A smile tugged at the corners of Odile’s mouth. Cute, she thought. She sat down next to them on the bench. As soon as she stepped into the shade, she felt her whole body relax. Gems, this was nice. Siffrin seemed like they were doing better as well, though they didn’t seem to mind the heat much. Strange. Their cloak looked like it was made of some heavy material.
“Siffrin, how are you not melting?”
For a moment they looked at her like she was insane, but recognition soon flashed across their face. They looked down at their cloak, pinching the fabric between their thumb and forefinger. “Oh, this. I forgot you didn’t know. I told you about it before, you know. In the loops. You were very impressed.”
Odile cocked an eyebrow. “Are… you going to explain? Or is that knowledge for past Odile and past Odile alone?”
Siffrin opened their mouth, preparing to go on some sort of complicated spiel, but stopped before they could even get their first word off. They shook their head. “Take off your coat, I’ll show you.”
Odile… did, hesitantly, because she didn’t like when people started doing things before telling her what it was they were actually doing, but she trusted Siffrin. Off came her coat. She laid it in her lap, neatly folded. Once she looked up, Siffrin was out of theirs as well. They always looked weirdly top-heavy without their cloak. Big head, fluffy hair, and then… simple black shorts and an undershirt. They looked unfinished without it. Thin as a rail, too.
She smirked. “Alright, Siffrin, now what? I’m not taking off any more clothes, if that’s what you’re going to ask.” Their face immediately went dark. Odile chuckled. “Kidding, Siffrin. Gems, you’re easy to tease. Really, though, what are you doing?”
They cleared their throat, more than a little flustered from the interaction. “A-alright. It’s probably a bit small, but…” They held the cloak out in front of them. “Try it! You’ll see.”
Odile’s eyes narrowed, but she took the cloak anyway. Hm, just as she suspected. Very thick material. Although, if she could guess where this was going…
It was already a bit big on Siffrin, so it fit Odile surprisingly well. And, as soon as she clasped the front, her entire body began to cool down. Yes, she was expecting this. Temperature regulation craft, likely sewn into the material itself. This was some advanced crafting technique. Of course she was impressed when she first learned about this. It was comfortable, too.
“Better?”
Odile turned to look at Siffrin.
They were smiling, softly, head tilted slightly to the side. They did that whenever they asked someone a question. She doubted they even realized they did it. Odile had always found it endearing. But right here, right then, it felt different. Sitting together on this bench, on their quiet little outing, wearing his cloak because he thought it would help her cool down — it would’ve worked if not for the warmth spreading throughout her chest. It was a kind gesture. Intimate, too, in a way. It was nice.
“...yes. Better.” She fiddled with a lock of her hair.
“Mission successful, then.” Siffrin stood up and put their hand out. “I’ll hold your coat for you. I won’t wear it, promise.”
She sighed. “You’re too kind, Siffrin.” She handed them her coat and got up, popping her back. Ugh. Old lady bones.
Eventually, spurred on by the cooling craft of her borrowed cloak, Odile managed to find the bookstore she had seen earlier in their visit. It was a cozy little thing nestled between a bakery and a clothing shop on the side of the road. Rustic, yet charming. Didn’t seem to get much traffic.
“I’ll join you in a bit,” Siffrin said. “I want to check out that clothing store first. See if there are any cool new accessories to add to my outfit.”
Odile nodded. “A new hat, maybe?”
“Maybe!” Siffrin turned on his heel and headed to the clothier, waving goodbye. Odile chuckled and walked into the bookstore.
—
While the store sadly held no familytales (the owner even went into the back room to check), there were still some books that captured Odile’s interest. Specifically, a large tome full of old Vaugardian fairytales. It was poorly bound, and some of the pages appeared to be missing, but most of it was legible. It was in an older dialect, too, which just made her more interested. She purchased the book along with some trashy romance novel that she thought Mirabelle might get a kick out of. Siffrin wasn’t back yet, so she decided to take a seat at one of the bookstore’s tables and start making her way through the fairytales.
As expected, they weren’t particularly easy to parse. Vaugardian was not Odile’s native language, and these were in a dialect she wasn’t very familiar with. The stories themselves were interesting, though, once she could actually understand them. Translations like this were always a lot of fun for her. It was a puzzle, and she loved puzzles. Unfortunately, despite it being a fair bit cooler in the bookstore, the heat made it a little difficult to concentrate on her book. She went to wipe the sweat off of her forehead, when her hand bumped into something just above her face.
It was the brim of a large sun hat. She was… wearing a hat. Why was she wearing a hat? Odile did not wear hats. She did not even own a hat. Somebody must have put a hat on her while she wasn’t paying attention, and the only person that could’ve done so was Siffrin, of course it was Siffrin, why did she not realize immediately that it was Siffrin.
“Hello, Siffrin.”
“Hey Odile. I got you something.” The smile was evident in their voice.
“I know,” she replied, still looking down at her book. “I’m currently wearing it.”
“Do you like it?”
Odile tried as hard as she could not to crack a smile. She failed. “Yes,” she said, “I do. Thank you, Siffrin. Although next time you could just give it to me like a normal person and I would appreciate it just as much if not more.”
Siffrin plopped down in the seat next to her, resting his face on his hand and looking at her. “Come on, Odile, that’s no fun! I need to play my little tricks sometimes. It’s my enrichment!”
Odile scoffed playfully. “Yes, if a Siffrin doesn’t play at least one trick every day they get so bored that they pass away.” She reached over and ruffled their hair. She smiled at the blush that grew across their face as she did so. “So, good job, you got me. Now hold on, I want to see what this hat actually looks like.”
Odile lifted the hat from her head and held it out in front of her. It was simple, a lighter color made of woven straw with a small, slightly darker ribbon around the middle. It was broad enough to keep the sun out of her face, but not too big as to be a nuisance. It didn’t fit particularly well with her outfit, but no hat would. It was subtle, inoffensive, and very practical. Just how she liked it.
“I thought it would be nice to have,” Siffrin said, fixing their hair. “I was looking for one for myself, but I saw this, and thought you could use it. You’re bad with the heat, and I won’t let you wear my cloak all the time, so...” He trailed off. The flush remained.
He was thinking about her. Hm. The thought made her heart beat just a little faster.
Her lips cracked into a small smile. “Well, I appreciate it, Siffrin. Thank you. Now, help me with this book. I’m getting stuck here, and while I know you’re not a native Vaugardian either, two heads often tend to be better than one.”
In this case, two heads did not end up being better than one, but the company was appreciated nonetheless. Odile always liked spending time with Siffrin. He was very quiet, for one. Odile could appreciate a fellow introvert. The others were great, yes, she loved them dearly, but sometimes they could be exhausting to be around. Siffrin, though? He never tired her out. They could appreciate quiet company. There was something calming about taking them shopping, or reading a book with them, or grabbing a bite to eat with them. The others often accused her of picking favorites (in jest, of course), and while she spoke the truth when she said she loved them all equally, Siffrin was a special case.
She didn’t quite know why. It was a mystery that had been plaguing her for the entire month. Siffrin was also the person that Odile enjoyed spending time with the most, but in the past month they had grown a lot closer. There was a certain warmth to their interactions. It was frustratingly familiar, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.
A question for another day, perhaps. Right now, they were halfway through a story about a king making an entire city out of crafted paper. It was likely shaping up to be a story about how the three craft types can be used in harmony, what with the encroaching storm being too strong for the paper city and a patch of invasive vines that needed to be cut through. These stories were commonplace among children all across the world, but this one had a certain Vaugardian tint to it. Not only were the names and places Vaugardian, but the Change God was ever-present.
Eventually, a certain phrase got Odile stuck. She wasn’t sure if it implied the building of physical supports with rock craft, or if it meant a vague allusion to rock craft’s “support” as a concept. She was about to ask her secret quest companion for his input, when something warm and fluffy fell onto her shoulder.
Siffrin had fallen asleep. Odile sighed. They’d been doing this since the fight with the king. The Head Housemaiden said that his overuse of craft would cause bouts of sleeping and an overall sense of sluggishness for a while, and while Siffrin was getting better, he wasn’t quite back to normal.
She wanted to wake them up. Start heading back to the inn, maybe. Let them sleep in a bed for a while. But she just couldn’t bear it. Siffrin had always looked so peaceful when he was asleep, and Odile was far from the only person to notice. His occasional thrashing could shatter that image, sure, but when he was still? Isabeau and Mirabelle would fawn over him to no end.
While Odile wasn’t quite as taken by Siffrin’s sleeping habits as the others, she had to admit that he did look very cute right now. Well, she couldn’t see them, considering their position, but she could imagine how they looked. She could hear them, too. Soft breath after soft breath. A steady rhythm. She could feel the way they moved ever so slightly with each breath in, and out, and in, and out. She could stay like this for a while, reading her book while he laid his head quietly on her shoulder. And she did, for a few minutes. She put a pin in the current fairytale and kept on reading.
And the feeling came back. That warmth that built in her chest and blossomed out to her whole body. She felt it when Siffrin let her wear their cloak, or when he got her that hat, or whenever she’d catch a glimpse of him deep in thought, or when she would watch him fell a sadness in just a few flourishes of his dagger. She felt it now, as she listened to their breaths. It was an ache in her stomach — but a good ache, somehow, one that felt comforting. Like smelling some good cooking and remembering just how hungry you were, knowing that it’d only be a few minutes until it was ready. It was nice. Warm. Unique to Siffirn, for some inexplicable reason. If only she could pin down what that reason was.
“Mnn… hm?”
Ah. And here came Siffrin, ready to derail that train of thought.
Odile sighed. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Siffrin. Did you have a nice nap?”
Siffrin blinked a few times before realizing where he was and what exactly had happened. He immediately sat up, straight as a board, and attempted to hide his face under his hat. Unfortunately for them, their hat was long gone, so they attempted to tuck their face under their cloak instead. The cloak that they were no longer wearing. After five entire seconds of scrambling (which doesn’t seem all that long until you experience it firsthand), Siffrin eventually settled on hiding his face behind his hands.
“S-sorry, Odile. Sorry. I didn’t… sorry.”
“It’s fine, Siffrin.” Odile closed her book. “But I do think we should be heading back. You’re dozing off, and I’d rather you sleep in a bed than on my shoulder.” Not that I mind much, she thought.
Siffrin shyly got up from his seat, Odile following shortly after. They were still a fair bit sluggish from the nap. Odile cracked a smile.
“...you know, if I need to carry you—”
“Not another word.”
—
The walk back was slow and quiet. Siffrin was tired, and still recovering from the embarrassment of falling asleep on Odile’s shoulder. She tried to tell him that it really wasn’t an issue, but they always agonized over this kind of thing. She’d just have to wait it out. Odile took the silence as an opportunity to take in the sights and sounds of the town. Boniface and Petronille’s reunion took up a good part of yesterday, and by the time they’d all been shown around town, everyone was exhausted. The tour of the town was so rushed that Odile didn’t get the chance to really immerse herself in the culture.
It was loud here. People talked loud, sang loud, argued loud, and laughed loud. It wasn’t exactly Odile’s favorite thing, and combined with the heat she was teetering on the edge of a nasty headache. There were food carts everywhere, though, which made the air smell delicious no matter where you were. It made the experience quite a bit more bearable. The sunny weather, while hot, did also make the place look beautiful.
The heat was thankfully more manageable thanks to Siffrin’s gift. The sun hat did a fine job of keeping Odile cooler, as did her borrowed cloak. She wasn’t looking forward to giving this back after getting back to the inn. It was cool, comfy, and… well, something else. Yet another emotion she couldn’t parse. Damn her inability to parse her own feelings. She’d have to start praying to the expression of self-awareness more often if this kept up.
She fiddled at the collar of her borrowed cloak. “This is exceptionally cozy, Siffrin. Where did you find this?”
Siffrin shrugged. “I don’t remember.” His voice got quieter. “Must’ve been a gift. From when I was younger.” Their tone was distant.
“Hm.” Odile didn’t want to press them right now. She looked down at the safety pins keeping it closed. “Gift or not, do you ever think about letting Isabeau patch it up a little? Add some buttons?”
“…maybe.”
“SIFFRIN!”
Mirabelle’s voice echoed down the road, catching both Siffrin and Odile off-guard. She reflexively put an arm out to her side to shield him before realizing that no, this was not a threat, it was simply a very loud friend. Mirabelle waved from the far end of the road, Isabeau carrying some bags next to her. Siffrin picked up the pace, and Odile begrudgingly speed-walked to keep up with them. Eventually, the two groups met up.
“How’d the quest go — ooh!” Isabeau pointed to Odile. “New hat!”
“New hat,” Mirabelle echoed. “And… Siffrin’s cloak?” Ah, yes. Odile had forgotten that this probably looked a bit strange.
“Sorry, Isabeau,” she said with a teasing lilt in her voice. “I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
Isabeau feigned a shocked expression. “What? M’dame, how could you? I feel betrayed! I thought he and I had something special…” He wiped a nonexistent tear from the corner of his eye.
Siffrin cocked their head to the side. “Sorry, what? Huh? Find out what?” They turned to Odile, and then back to Isabeau, who just closed his eyes and shook his head.
“Don’t even worry about it, Sif.”
Mirabelle frowned. “I don’t get it either… but, anyway!” She clapped her hands together, smile returning. “We got some food and drink for the road ahead, and Bonnie’s back home catching up with Nille. We’re still heading out tomorrow, so do we have anything else we need done before then?” She looked up at Odile expectantly. Mirabelle had always been excited to see Bambouche, so she was full of energy. Odile pondered for a moment.
“Well, for right now, I’m taking this one back to the inn to get some rest. They passed out on my shoulder earlier. Looks like he’s still got a few weeks before he’s fully back on his feet.” She could see Isabeau’s face fall. She sighed. “They’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
Siffrin gave a thumbs up. “Right as rain! Just, uh, a little sleepy again.”
“As for anything else to do,” Odile continued, “if you could find a map of the area, that would be nice. And a new bedroll for Boniface, too.”
Isabeau saluted. “Yes, M’dame! Mira, our journey continues! Well, uh.” he held his bags out towards Odile. “If you could, um, carry these.”
“Yes, let me just mark a tally for how many ‘ones’ you owe me now.”
“M’dame!”
Odile took the bags, drawing a slash across four invisible tally marks in the air in front of Isabeau as he and Mirabelle turned to leave. There was no tally, of course. But she had to keep up appearances. She walked the rest of the way to the inn with Siffrin in case they were hit by another bout of exhaustion, but thankfully, he was alright. She walked him into his and Isabeau’s room, set down the supplies, and gave him a wave before turning around.
“Wait!”
“Yes, Siffrin?” She turned back around to look at them, sitting upright on the bed. Their eye was wide, and their face was paler than usual. They were gripping the blankets tightly. Odile’s eyes narrowed. “Is everything alright?”
“I…” They shut their eye tight and shook their head. Their grip on the blankets loosened. “N-no, it’s nothing. I’m fine. You can go.”
Odile sighed. This again. “Siffrin, it is clearly not fine. I can tell that something is wrong, and while I am normally willing to let these things slide, things are different with you. You remember the last time you didn’t tell us how you were feeling, right?”
He looked down at his lap. “I almost destroyed the fabric of spacetime.”
“Yes. And we don’t want that to happen again, do we, Siffrin?”
“No.” They took a deep breath. And then another. And then another. They always did things in threes. “I know it’s stupid, but… I don’t want to fall asleep alone.” Their voice was weak. Distant. “It just reminds me of the loops. When I’d wake up in the field. I don’t want to sleep alone like that again, I-I’m worried that I’d panic. That I’d think I was back there.”
Ah, yes. That made sense. Siffrin hadn’t slept alone since the house. They would always take naps whenever they all stayed in a town together, but they hadn’t done so since they began their journey to Bambouche. Odile often forgot that Siffrin had been through such a traumatic event, as they were very skilled at masking their emotions. But sometimes, like right now, they slipped through. And while it wasn’t the happiest of circumstances, she was glad that he opened up. She liked being there for him in these times.
And there was that warmth, yet again.
“I see. I suppose I can stay here, then. Thank you for your honesty.”
Odile closed the door and sat down on the floor. The side of her head leaned against the mattress’s edge. That fairytale book would have to keep her entertained for a while longer. She was glad it was so large.
“Thanks, Odile,” came a meek voice from up on the bed. Odile craned her neck to look up over the mattress from where she was sitting. Siffrin was already snuggled up under the covers, eye closed, drifting off to sleep. She smiled.
“Any time. Have a nice nap, Siffrin. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
And then they were out. Awake one moment, asleep the next, like a switch had been flipped off. Odile let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She undid her bun, letting her hair tumble down the back of her neck. Gems, what was up with her today? She was fine up until she and Siffrin went on their little quest, but then she just started feeling weird. Not a bad weird, a decidedly good weird, but weird nonetheless. Weird… yet familiar. She’d been thinking about it since Siffrin had fallen asleep on her. This wasn’t a new feeling, but it wasn’t one she remembered.
Odile thought for a long while. Back to the racing heartbeats and flushed faces, comfortable silences and shared spaces. Thoughtful gifts and brief glances exchanged between friends. A borrowed cloak that she was still wearing despite no longer needing to. Those little things that made Siffrin stand out from everyone else.
She stared down at her book. The story that she had stopped in the middle of was about two men from wildly different sides of the same town, one a brilliant scholar and the other a lowly thief. And yet, despite their differences, they had come to know each other, and a deep friendship blossomed between them. It was a simple story, one about not judging others by how they appeared at first meeting. But there was an undercurrent there that Odile wasn’t even sure the author had intended. Something bubbling beneath their interactions. A deeper fondness for one another, told only through their actions and not their words. It was more than just companionship. Or maybe simply a different kind of companionship.
It was love, wasn’t it? How could the author not have seen it? It was blindingly obvious. She hated romance and even she could see it.
The scholar was in love with the thief.
…how terribly inconvenient.
Gems, she could scream. Of all the troubles she had anticipated during this adventure, this was nowhere near the top of the list. It wasn’t even on the list, really. Odile hadn’t felt this way about someone else for years, and while she knew it would probably happen again at some point in her life, she didn’t expect it would happen with any of her companions. And Siffrin? Really? Granted, of all the people here he was probably the most likely choice, but still! Siffrin!
The worst part was that it did make at least a little sense. Siffrin was the one who she opened up to the most. She felt relaxed around them in a way she never did with the others. She found his sense of humor endearing, despite all the groan-worthy puns. They were cute, too, although she had always thought of it more in the way that a small dog was cute than the way she would find a person cute. Or a cat, maybe. They were always a lot like a cat. Either way, it made sense, and that was infuriating. She should have seen this coming, honestly.
But, there wasn’t much she could do about it. And not much she particularly wanted to do about it, either. She was used to sitting with these feelings. There was comfort in not having to worry about what to do with them. Maybe Siffrin would never know. And that was okay.
Because right now, sitting here next to them while they drifted off to sleep? Being here for him when he needed her? Sharing that little moment with them on the bench, or being their pillow at the library while she read her book? That was more than enough for Odile.