Chapter Text
Chapter 1: I Go Back To December All The Time
As soon as I passed through the production company's glass doors, the familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee and the sound of hurried footsteps enveloped me. It was the beginning of another day of pure work and stress.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It's my dream to do what I do now, but this whole "Work with what you love and you'll never have to work again in your life" lie is the biggest bullshit ever told in history. At the end of the day, work is work, and you will never be happy one hundred percent of the time doing it. Especially in those last few weeks, where we were going through a lot of stress trying to find an actor for the new project.
— Good morning, Sol! — Seunghee's excited voice greeted me as soon as I crossed the main corridor. She had, as always, a smile on her face and a stack of papers in her hand.
— Good morning, Seunghee. — I replied, smiling back. Sometimes I wondered how she managed to keep up that energy so early in the morning. I was still a little groggy, my brain trying to adjust to the frenetic pace of the day.
As I entered the office, I greeted everyone there as I sat down at my desk. Hyunjoo, who was already sitting at her desk next to me, turned to me quickly.
— Have you heard? — She approached, almost jumping with excitement.
— I arrived five minutes ago, do you already have gossip? — I joked, smiling as I felt her pinch me lightly.
— I'm serious. — Hyunjoo continues. — Junghoon said that Ms. Lee has been locked in the office since she arrived earlier, and when he saw her coming out she was giving out smiles to anyone who wanted to see.
I looked at her in silence.
— Really?
— Yes, he just told me, right before you arrived. — She confirmed, making me think. — That must be good news, right?
— Do you think it has something to do with the new project?
— We're certainly not going to get a pay raise, so that's the only thing I can think of. — I laughed at her words, as I turned on my computer.
— I don't know if it's really that. — I hear Dahye join the conversation, sitting at her desk in front of us. — We don't even have the actors cast, and the boss has been looking for a long time because no one seems to be perfect enough for her.
— Who knows? Maybe she found the ideal main character. — Hyunjoo insists on her theory, while I opened my files and saw a very special script.
"Untitled", written in capital letters on the screen.
I sighed. Would it be a good idea to take advantage of Mrs. Lee's apparent good mood and finally present my script to her? I've been putting it off for so many weeks...
I'm taken out of my thoughts when I hear heavy footsteps entering the office. I close the file and stand up quickly, as do the rest of my colleagues, when I see Mrs. Lee in front of us, with Junghoon following close behind.
— Good morning, Boss. — We spoke in unison, as I watched Seunghee discreetly enter the room with her coffee mug in hand. Mrs. Lee didn't seem to notice, the smile that was on her face was the biggest I had ever seen.
If I were to be more specific, I would say that it felt like at any moment a little bird was going to land on her shoulder and sing along with her a song about happiness and making dreams come true.
— I have... — She begins, looking at us with excitement. — Great news.
I looked aside at Hyunjoo, who did the same. Could it really be...?
— We've already chosen the actor for our ongoing project. — Kyung-Ja announced, making me smile big.
As I listened to the celebratory noises from my colleagues, I could only feel relieved that that concern had finally been resolved.
— So... — Dahye starts, with a huge smile on her face. — Who is it?
Mrs. Lee paused dramatically, obviously enjoying having this information before us. She smiled mischievously before saying the name.
— Ryu Sunjae.
The name dropped like a bomb. I saw the moment Hyunjoo lost her balance and fell back into her chair and Seunghee choked on her own coffee.
As silence took over the office for a while, I felt my body instantly tense up. Ryu Sunjae? That Ryu Sunjae? The actor everyone loved, the singer who dominated the charts? Was this... Some kind of prank?
— Ryu... — Dahye begins, as perplexed as everyone else in the room. —Sunjae? That Ryu Sunjae?
— It's obvious. — Kyungja responds, seeming to have fun with our reaction. I finally looked around, and realized that everyone seemed to have the same thought as me.
"It was April 1st? What the hell was going on?"
— I will tell you everything in more detail later, but later I will have a meeting with him and his agent to finish adjusting our last pending issues.
The office was still enveloped in stunned silence, as if no one knew exactly what to do with the newly released information. My mind raced, trying to process what that meant. Ryu Sunjae? I never thought we would be in a project so big that we would get someone like him in the cast.
—That's really big, isn't it? — Seunghee commented, still recovering from the shock. Her voice woke me up from my trance, making me realize that Mrs. Lee had already left the room, leaving only Junghoon, who sat at his desk.
— Yes, of course... — I replied vaguely, still thinking.
— If I'm really honest... — Junghoon starts to speak, throwing his back in his chair. — I don't know if he's the best option.
—What are you talking about? That guy is like, one of the biggest celebrities in the country. — Hyunjoo responds.
I sat back in my chair, listening to the rest of the conversation.
— Wow, you guys really don't know? He's full of scandals. — Junghoon revealed, looking at us as if it were a crime not to know this information.
— Now that you mention it... — Seunghee adds, approaching us as if she was going to tell us a secret. — I think I've seen some people commenting on social media that he's kind of a womanizer.
— There's worse. He has a reputation for being super arrogant. — Junghoon continues his speech. — I heard that he doesn't even care about knowing the names of his own employees.
— With that face and that body, he can call me anything he wants. — Dahye mumbles, but due to the silence in the room, we all hear.
We look at her together, seeing her get embarrassed.
— Did I say that out loud?
I laugh softly, trying to ignore the comment.
— You guys should stop talking about other people's lives like that. — I finally give my opinion on the matter. — None of us know him.
— You have a point, Sol. But you know what? — Seunghee says. — Sometimes the tabloids are right.
I roll my eyes, laughing. As they continue to talk about Ryu Sunjae's life, I open the "secret" file again. The project I had put so much of myself into... The project that could be the opportunity to finally stand out.
Was now the time to take my chance?
[...]
I sat in a small coffee shop near the production company, my fingers intertwined around a cup of slowly cooling jasmine tea. The atmosphere was cozy and inviting, with soft lighting and the distant murmur of conversations, but my mind was far from there. My gaze was fixed on the laptop screen in front of me, where the title “Untitled” still glowed, like a silent taunt.
Why was it so difficult to take this step? Presenting the project to Mrs. Lee seemed like an insurmountable abyss, even with all the positive energy that had been circulating in the office since that, a week ago, Ryu Sunjae had been announced as the protagonist of the new project. It was my dream to see this idea come to life, but the possibility of rejection was a ghost that prevented me from moving forward.
I took a deep breath, trying to convince myself. "If not now, when will it be?" I thought, running my fingers through my hair, expressing my concern.
I looked out the window, watching the people hurrying around outside, and it was then that my eyes caught something familiar: a group of students in school uniforms crossing the street.
For a brief moment, my heart sank, and the image of him, with his carefree smile, appeared in my mind like an unexpected bolt of lightning. It was a distant yet vivid memory. The touch of his hands as we walked side by side, the silent promise of something that was never fulfilled.
I blinked my eyes several times as I shook my head quickly, pushing away those thoughts. There was no time for this. Not now.
I looked at my watch and realized that I was already late for the meeting.
—Damn it! — I murmured, getting up hurriedly, gathering my things quickly. I paid for my drink and ran out of the café.
The fresh air from the street touched my face as I hurried to the production company's building. As I entered, my shoes thudded against the marble floor as I hurried up the stairs, trying to ignore the growing nervousness in my chest.
That’s when it happened.
It all happened so fast.
On the last flight of stairs, as I tried to reach the next landing, I just felt my body bump into someone who was coming down in the opposite direction. My body lost its balance for a second, and before I could realize what was happening, firm hands grabbed me by the waist, preventing me from falling.
I blinked, startled, and when I looked up, my eyes met those of a tall man, with a calm and intriguing expression. The world seemed to slow down for an instant. His face... I recognized him immediately.
How could I not recognize Ryu Sunjae?
His eyes were intense, a dark tone that almost hypnotized, and the way he looked at me was almost penetrating, as if he were reading my thoughts at that very moment.
My breath caught in my throat as I felt the heat of his hands on my waist.
— Are you okay? — I heard his voice interrupt the silence that had hovered on the stairs.
I blinked, forcing myself to come out of that sudden trance.
— Oh, yes... I am. — I took a step back, gently releasing myself from his touch, feeling a slight heat rise to my face. — Sorry, I... I was in a hurry and didn't see you. — He looked at me in silence for a few seconds, before smiling, one of those sideways smiles, almost imperceptible.
— It's okay.
I took a deep breath, trying to recover myself.
— Thank you... — I murmured, feeling strangely vulnerable in front of him. I tried to walk away, but something made me stay still for a moment longer than I intended.
Why did it feel...like I'd seen those eyes before?
He nodded slightly, giving me space to continue climbing the stairs.
— Excuse me. — And, without waiting for an answer, he continued on his way.
I stood there for a moment, watching as he disappeared into the hallway below. My heart was still beating a little faster than normal, but I chose to believe it was just because of the rush.
When I finally regained control, I climbed the last few steps and entered the office, still a little dazed. But before I could settle down, Hyunjoo, who was already at her desk, turned to me with a curious look.
— Where were you? — She asked, but before I could answer, she gave me another suspicious look. — And why does it look like you just ran into a brick wall?
I laughed at her comment. I must have really looked disoriented.
— It was similar to that. — I limited my words, finally sitting down and going back to work.
[...]
The door of my apartment closed with a soft click, shutting out the noise and hustle and bustle outside. I let out a long sigh, dropping my bag on the couch as the weight of the entire day finally hit me. My mind was still a little dizzy from the meeting with Mrs. Lee and the unexpected encounter with Ryu Sunjae. It was still hard to believe that all of that had happened on the same day. Even so, a part of me already felt exhausted, and all I wanted was to get lost in the silence of my room.
I went to the bathroom and washed my face, trying to get rid of the tension that seemed glued to my skin. The cold water helped, but not enough. My body felt heavy and my mind was still spinning in circles. I ran my fingers through my wet hair as I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to find some peace in that tired version of myself.
I soon went to the bedroom and lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling as darkness began to take over the room. Only the faint glow of streetlight filtered through the curtains, and for a brief moment, I let my thoughts float freely, aimlessly.
It was then that, suddenly, the images of the students I saw in the cafe earlier came back to me. The way they laughed, the carefree sound of their conversations as they passed by on the street. So young. So light. I used to be like that.
Haru and I used to be like that.
My heart tightened.
"Walking side by side in the schoolyard, I felt his left hand lightly brush against mine. I glanced at him, while he seemed as embarrassed as I was.
Looking forward, I placed my hand in his without hesitation.
I felt him stop suddenly.
I looked back and he was looking at our joined hands with no expression on his face. All the courage I had gathered to take that step was gone.
— S-sorry. — I stammered embarrassedly, separating our hands immediately. — It just... happened.
I prepared myself to continue walking forward, pretending that that awkward moment had never happened.
But I froze when I felt Haru hold my hand again.
I looked at our joined hands, realizing that he was holding it with much more intensity than when I had done it. I raised my eyes to his face, still without reaction.
— I like it. — And just like that. He smiled slightly at me, surely having no idea of the effect that simple gesture had on me. me.
I smiled at him, feeling my heart melt.
Haru was never a man of many words, but even the shortest sentences he said... Carried sincerity."
I remember how he wait for me every day after school, leaning against the fence of the schoolyard, with that smile that always made me forget about anything bad that had happened during the day. He had a unique way of making me feel like everything was okay, that there was no problem too big that we couldn't face together.
Together.
I told you I was afraid things would go wrong. You said that even if they did, we would face it together too.
Everything went wrong, Haru. And you weren't there.
I closed my eyes, feeling a wave of frustration.
Why did I still think about him? Why, after so many years, after so many changes, did he still appear in my thoughts as if he had never really left? Time had passed, I had moved on, I had created a life for myself. I should have gotten over it all, left these memories somewhere hidden in my mind. And yet, here I was, lying in the dark, being pulled back to a time that no longer existed.
I felt a pang of irritation rise inside me, mixed with the subtle ache of longing. I didn't want to feel this anymore. I didn't want to remember how things were with Haru anymore. What did it matter now? We were just two foolish young people, thinking that our first love would be our last. He went his way, I went mine. It was the right thing to do. So why, every now and then, did it feel like I was still trapped in that time, like something inside me refused to let go completely?
I sighed heavily, getting up from the bed and looking at myself in the mirror on the dresser.
— Every time I think you've gotten over it... — I murmur to myself, running my hands through my own hair.
"I need to stop this", I thought, almost out loud. Forcing myself to think about the present, about what I had in front of me now. My career, my friends, the promising future that was opening up with the new project. There was no more space for these old memories. There shouldn't be.
But as much as I tried to convince myself of this, I knew that, deep down, a small part of me still held those memories like a hidden treasure. Something I couldn't completely destroy, no matter how hard I tried. Even if I wanted to.
I sat up in bed, trying to focus on what was coming next.
—Tomorrow will be a better day. — I said to myself. — And I'm finally going to present my project.
And, with that promise, I let tiredness take over, slowly sinking into sleep. But even in my last moments of consciousness, the image of Haru and I, holding hands in the schoolyard, still lingered in the back of my mind, soft and persistent like a summer breeze that refused to fade.