Chapter Text
Whoever said love was a good hurt was clearly an idiot.
Lan Zhan lies down on her couch and sighs deeply. The saying was probably from the lyrics of some stupid pop song that extolled the virtues of romantic entrapment. Love certainly had done nothing good for her. For her parents. For her brother. Maybe her family was cursed.
The Instagram post of a photo with a ring on a familiar hand mocks her from her phone where she’d dropped it down onto the coffee table a couple of minutes ago. She watches as the screen dims, then goes dark.
Her best friend is engaged. This shouldn’t come as a surprise –- Wei Ying and Pete had been dating for over a year now. Which was approximately one year longer than Wei Ying had ever dated anyone since Lan Zhan met her. It was like she’d hit thirty and suddenly decided that she was done with casual hookups. Because the first guy she’d dated after that had been Pete and now they were getting married.
Lan Zhan sighs again. Most anyone else would be ecstatic. Overjoyed. Call up their friend immediately to congratulate them.
All Lan Zhan wants to do is throw up.
She waits an hour for Wei Ying to come bursting into her apartment to tell her all about it. Waits another hour for a phone call. Slowly comes to the realization that there will be no announcement tonight beyond the Instagram post. Wei Ying is probably celebrating right now, planning to wait until brunch tomorrow to tell the whole friend group. Lan Zhan used to be the first person Wei Ying told everything to. Used to be her closest confidant. Now Instagram is how she finds out about Wei Ying’s life.
It occurs to Lan Zhan around 3 am as she lies in her bed, staring up at the dark ceiling, that she will have to go to the wedding. She will have to watch Wei Ying read her vows to him. Tell everyone how much she loves him. Lan Zhan will have to watch her dance and eat cake and all the other traditional wedding activities.
Lan Zhan finally drifts off around 4:30 am and uncharacteristically hits snooze on her alarm until the last possible moment. She’s still almost late for brunch, which is basically unheard of, and she receives a raised eyebrow from Nie Huaisang when she shows up just on time. She still beats Wei Ying by several minutes, which is definitely not a surprise.
Wei Ying comes bounding up to their table, hands behind her back. “Guess what?!”
Before anyone can say anything, she throws her left hand forward and Lan Zhan gets her first look at the ring in person. It’s incredibly sparkly and hangs just a little loose around Wei Ying’s finger. Lan Zhan hates it.
“—and then he pulled out the box and I just about screamed!” Wei Ying is saying as she sits down in the remaining seat at the table. “I can’t believe how lucky I am!”
“Where did he get the ring?” asks Wen Qing.
“It was his mother’s,” says Wei Ying, holding her hand out again and showing them all the ring once more.
“Was it a surprise?” Luo Qingyang wants to know.
“We’ve actually been talking about getting married since New Year’s. But I had no idea last night would be the night!”
Lan Zhan’s heart sinks further. Wei Ying hadn’t said anything about that to her and it had been over a month. How can she call herself Wei Ying’s friend if she doesn’t know such important information? Are they even friends still?
“Have you decided on when yet?”
Wei Ying nods. “This summer.”
“That’s rather fast.” Wen Qing doesn’t sound surprised, but everyone else’s expressions are.
“We just want to be married as soon as possible. Pete’s family owns property by the lake, so we’re just going to use that as a venue, so that should save us that stress. And his sister is an event planner, so we’re set there, too.”
“Do Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli know yet?”
“Of course! I called them right after it happened. Jiang Cheng has only threatened to break Pete’s legs once, so that’s a win from my perspective.”
Lan Zhan feels her eyes prick. Wei Ying had had time to call her siblings, but not her? She looks away from Wei Ying and realizes that Nie Huaisang is staring straight at her.
“And what does A-Yuan think?” asks Luo Qingyang.
“Oh, he’s thrilled! He was asleep last night when we got back from the restaurant, but I showed him the ring and explained what it meant before I took him over to stay with A-Li this morning.”
Lan Zhan’s stomach drops. Somehow, A-Yuan being in the know more so than she is makes her feel even more like something between her and Wei Ying has gone irrevocably wrong. Because they used to be a little unit, her, Wei Ying, and A-Yuan. Now, she’s been dropped in favor of stupid Pete.
“You’re looking a little green, Lan Zhan,” observes Wei Ying. “Everything okay?”
“Just hungry…I haven’t eaten since my workout this morning,” lies Lan Zhan, thinking fast.
“Let’s order, then. Where’s our waiter?”
Conversation turns to other topics after they wave the waiter over and order, though every now and then Wei Ying sighs dreamily and brings up the engagement again. Lan Zhan does her best to pretend to be thrilled for Wei Ying, but she is relieved when Wen Qing decides to discuss her latest case study with her and distracts Lan Zhan enough that she makes it through the brunch without spontaneously combusting in frustration.
Then Wei Ying corners her as she’s coming out of the bathroom.
“Hey, Lan Zhan. I have an important question for you.”
Lan Zhan swallows hard. “Yes?”
“Well, I was hoping you might be my maid of honor.” Wei Ying grins at her expectantly.
Wait, what? “What?” Lan Zhan spits out.
Wei Ying begins fiddling with her engagement ring, clearly still adjusting to its presence on her finger. Lan Zhan wants to reach down and pull it off, then lob it across the restaurant. “You’re my best friend and all, so I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t mind being my maid of honor. I know it’s a lot of responsibility, but you’re good at that kind of stuff. You know, organizing things and getting people to cooperate.”
Lan Zhan ignores the last two sentences in favor of the more obvious question. “Why not Jiang Yanli?”
“I love my sister, of course I do. But like I said, you’re my best friend, and you’re who I most want in the world up at the altar with me.”
So Wei Ying thinks she’s more worthy than her sister of this position, but not worthy enough to bother calling last night? “I don’t know that I’d be the best person to organize a bachelorette party. You know what my Friday nights look like.”
“Well, so long as you don’t bring us all to the gym, then I’ll be plenty happy.” Wei Ying brushes her fringe aside. “Please, Lan Zhan? I really, really want it to be you. When I imagine my perfect wedding, it’s with you by my side.”
Lan Zhan tries not to think about weddings. She’s certainly never done that for herself, no, not ever. And Wei Ying has certainly never been a starring player in such a fantasy, nope.
So instead, she blurts out without thinking, “Why didn’t you call me last night after the proposal?”
Wei Ying cocks her head to the side and frowns. “Uh, because it was past your bedtime, duh.”
It’s a flimsy excuse. Wei Ying has called plenty of times when it was far past Lan Zhan’s bedtime and Lan Zhan had always been careful to reinforce to her how glad she was that Wei Ying had called. And that’s not including all the times that Wei Ying had come home late while they had lived together, or the times that Lan Zhan had stayed up late to watch A-Yuan while Wei Ying was out on a date or working a job.
“So?” prompts Wei Ying.
Lan Zhan returns to the present moment, knowing that she cannot possibly feel any worse, so she might as well accept. Surely organizing the bachelorette party will help take her mind off of her worries, plus she will be able to give Wei Ying something good to remember her by when Pete inevitably takes her and A-Yuan completely away from Lan Zhan.
“Of course I will.”
Wei Ying squeals and pounces on Lan Zhan, giving her a tight hug before letting her go and clapping her hands together. “Oh, thank you so much! Lan Zhan, you don’t even know how happy you’ve made me.”
With a forced smile, Lan Zhan manages to get back to the brunch table and their monthly hang out winds down without further incident. Wei Ying, Luo Qingyang, and Wen Qing are going shopping afterward, so they take off as soon as the check is settled, leaving Nie Huaisang watching Lan Zhan consideringly across the table.
“So,” they begin. “You’re still not a drinker, yeah?”
Lan Zhan is perplexed by this abrupt question. “No.”
Nie Huasiang makes a ‘hmm’ sound. “Looks like you’re going to just have to fuck youself out of your misery.”
“Excuse me?” asks Lan Zhan, rapidly going from perplexed to completely bewildered. She and Nie Huaisang have never really had much reason to interact at these brunches — they are more Wei Ying’s friend than Lan Zhan’s.
“You’ve got ‘straight girl pain’. Only two ways to handle that. Either you drink or fuck until you get to the point where you don’t feel quite so miserable anymore. And you’re not a drinker, so fucking it is.”
“Straight girl what?”
“It’s when you have a crush on or are in love with a straight person. Happens a lot to us queers, you know. Surprised you’ve never heard of it before now. You’ve been in a platonic love relationship with Wei Ying for so long that I was certain you’d pull your head out of your ass in time to prevent…well, all that’s happened. But you seem pretty determined to just let things unfold, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to step in a little.”
Lan Zhan just stares at Nie Huaisang for a long moment, her mind playing static.
Nie Huaisang takes a long drink from their mimosa, draining it. “There’s still time to undo what’s been done, you know.”
That jolts Lan Zhan into action. She stands abruptly, blood rising into her face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Rolling their eyes, Nie Huaisang stands too. “I have eyes, Lan Zhan.” They pick up their sweater and put it on. “So, you have a choice here. Either wallow in it or step up and do something about it. Sooner is better, to spare everyone from pain.” And with that, they make their exit.
Lan Zhan sits back down. She stays seated, even as the waiter comes over to ask if she needs anything, clearly hoping she’ll get a move on so that the restaurant can have the table. Lan Zhan apologizes and grabs her jacket, then heads for the exit herself.
Neither of the ‘straight girl pain’ options are appealing to Lan Zhan. There’s only one thing she wants, and that’s out of her reach now, regardless of what Nie Huaisang thinks. Because Pete makes Wei Ying and A-Yuan happy, and that’s the most important thing in the world. As much as she wants to be the one to give Wei Ying all the happiness, it’s Pete who has that role, so she just needs to step aside and let things be as they are.
As Lan Zhan walks back to her apartment, she cannot help but think back on when she and Wei Ying first met. How did they devolve to this point?
A bench in nearby Turner Park holds the honor of being their initial meeting place. Lan Zhan had been forced outside by her brother to read after Lan Xichen had nagged her to get more vitamin D. Also, Nie Mingjue was supposed to come over, and Lan Zhan had no interest in sitting around watching them make eyes at each other. So, she’d changed into her favorite blue dress, the one that had the flowy skirt since it was warm outside and she didn’t want to overheat. It also nicely framed the necklace she always wore, the one with her mother’s ring.
She’d been sitting on the bench, engrossed in Katrín Davíðsdóttir’s biography for about a half an hour when she sensed someone sitting down beside her. Lan Zhan didn’t even look up — it was gorgeous out and the park was crowded, so it was no surprise that someone else would want to sit down on the other half of the bench and enjoy the day.
Several minutes passed and Lan Zhan remained engrossed in her book. But then she felt a head on her shoulder and she looked over to see her bench companion had fallen asleep on her. For a moment, she was annoyed — she came out here to be alone, not harassed by a stranger. But then she took a second look at the person and realized she’s completely sacked out. She looked awfully tired, so Lan Zhan decided to let her sleep.
A while later (Lan Zhan had stopped reading and was just observing the park and occasionally peeking at the woman beside her — her red shoes particularly captivated Lan Zhan, mostly because she’d never felt confident enough to wear something so bright and she was a little envious), the other woman startled awake.
She turned her head up and Lan Zhan could see the moment when she realized what she’d done, because she immediately jerked away from Lan Zhan’s shoulder and spat out, “Oh my god! I am SO sorry!”
“It’s okay.” Lan Zhan was surprised to admit to herself that it actually was okay.
The woman brushed back her hair — longer than Lan Zhan’s chin-length cut and a bit messy — and grimaced, “No, it’s not at all. I totally fell asleep on you and I’m a total stranger and you were probably like ‘who is this complete weirdo who just passes out on people out of nowhere’, right?”
“It wasn’t a bother at all,” Lan Zhan tried to reassure.
Looking contrite still, the stranger continued, “I’ve just been so exhausted because my kid has decided that he’s now afraid of the dark and he needs to have extra comfort and bedtime stories, plus work has been a nightmare lately because it’s almost wedding season and A-Cheng — that’s my brother — is being an extra pain and of course A-li, my sister, is pregnant and she’s never had great health, so I’ve been spending a lot of time with her helping keep her relaxed and calm.”
“Sounds like you’re going through a lot right now.”
The other woman blew out a breath. “Yeah, you can say that again.”
Trying to be helpful, Lan Zhan had suggested, “Perhaps if you read something especially dull to your child, they will fall asleep faster.”
The stranger had burst out laughing. “Have you ever tried reading to a kid before? They don’t endure boring material at all. It’s dinosaurs and trucks and trains and space and borderline scary stories all the time.”
“I suppose I have not had much experience reading to children. There aren’t many in my life right now,” Lan Zhan had admitted.
“Well, I’m about to have at least one more, though my nephew is going to have the best Auntie ever, he doesn’t even know.” The stranger yawned. “Sorry, still tired, I guess.”
“You can rest some more if you’d like.”
The woman made a regretful face. “If only. I need to pick up A-Yuan — that’s my kid — from his grandma’s and I was just heading to the grocery store over there,” she points towards the other end of the park. “When my poor feet protested loudly I knew that I needed to take a quick rest before I did. And next thing I know, I’m waking up and I’ve rudely fallen asleep on a stranger.”
“It really was no issue. It sounds like you’re quite busy at the moment.”
“Yeah, I’d give anything to be able to sit down in a park and read a book…say, what’s that you’re reading?”
Lan Zhan turned the cover so that Wei Ying could see. “It’s an autobiography of an athlete who won the Crossfit Games a few years ago.”
“Crossfit, huh? You look like you run with that crowd.”
Lan Zhan had raised an eyebrow.
“No, no, I mean, you look really fit. You’ve got nice arms.”
“Thank you. I am not a Crossfitter, however. I merely lift weights and run.”
“Well, it’s definitely working for you! I am too scrawny to lift, though I do get a lot of exercise running around after A-Yuan. And at work — I’m a freelance photographer. You would not believe how many crazy convoluted poses I have to get into to get the right shot sometimes. I guess yoga would be more my speed, ha.”
Lan Zhan had put the book into her lap and placed her hands on top of it. “I find yoga to be an excellent way to tone and develop balance.”
“Well, I definitely need help with balance, as evidenced by my random shoulder leanings.” The stranger had then put out a hand. “I’m Wei Ying, by the way. I feel like you ought to get a name out of me at the very least for putting up with all the word vomit I’m doing right now.”
Accepting Wei Ying’s handshake, Lan Zhan said, “I’m Lan Zhan. And I don’t mind your ‘word vomit’.”
“You’re too nice, Lan Zhan. What do you do for a living, besides of course looking like you could be on the cover of a Crossfit book yourself?”
Lan Zhan had blushed a little, but quickly covered it by bowing her head a little so that her hair covered her ears and cheeks. “Um, I’m a toxicologist. I work at the state lab downtown.”
“Woah, you’ve got the smarts, and I’ve got the arts! We’re a complete package.”
And wouldn’t Lan Zhan have liked that to be true. She’d never had many friends, and no one at her job really wanted to hang out beyond the typical work day. She’d heard them making plans for dinners, for events at each other’s houses, but she was never invited. It only stung a little nowadays — when she’d been younger, she’d cried on Lan Huan’s shoulder many times when other girls didn’t invite her to birthday parties or sleepovers. He’d always told her that they didn't appreciate her now, but when she was older they’d realize how amazing she was. And now she was twenty seven years old without any close friends save her brother. Wouldn’t it be amazing if this stranger here could be one? But she was being presumptuous, probably, so she had said instead, “I have never excelled in the arts, but I do have a great appreciation for them.”
“Oh, have you ever been to a gallery opening? My friend is opening one next week in the arts district. Want to go with me? You seem really cool and I’d like to get to know you better.”
Lan Zhan would normally say no. She had just met Wei Ying, who she only knows now because she fell asleep on her. That’s hardly the basis of a friendship. Weren’t friends supposed to meet at work or the gym or something? That was how Lan Huan had met Meng Yao, at work. But she found herself immediately agreeing, then handing over her phone for Wei Ying to add herself as a contact.
“There, now you can tell me more about your toxicologist-ness and I can text you cute photos of my kiddo!”
Lan Zhan had taken her phone back and saw that Wei Ying had put herself into Lan Zhan’s phone as ‘Bench sleeper aka Wei Ying’ (and that is how she has remained in Lan Zhan’s phone to this day). She’d also taken a selfie and set it as her contact’s image, and Lan Zhan hadn’t been able to help but smile a little at the bright grin on Wei Ying’s face, the way her eyes crinkled up at the corners, her cute nose and beautiful skin.
“Oh shit, it’s already three. I need to get going — errands to run, more people to fall asleep on!”
Wei Ying had jumped up from the bench, patting herself down to presumably make sure her wallet and phone were where they should be, then grabbed her bag. Lan Zhan noticed for the first time the bunny on the front and her mouth opened a little in surprise. Wei Ying had looked back at Lan Zhan for a long moment, then smiled and hurried off. Lan Zhan had watched her go and felt as if something had radically shifted in her life.
How right she was — within a year, Wei Ying and A-Yuan were living with her (she’d moved out of Lan Huan’s place so that they could have a place together), they were best friends, and almost inseparable. But now, three years later, Wei Ying is engaged, and Lan Zhan allows herself to mourn a little because she’d been working up the nerve to ask if maybe they could become a family. Sure, Wei Ying had dated occasionally, but she’d never seemed very serious about it. But now…now everything was changing and Lan Zhan wasn’t sure she was going to be able to survive watching Wei Ying marry someone else and start a family with A-Yuan with them.