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There are still muffled sounds of a party outside the open window, reverberating throughout the Mother Base halls and beams. Kaz is in his bed, the room illuminated only slightly by the sliver of light from the darkened sky, but the sleep doesn't come. He just lies there, staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours, an occasional stray laugh of a drunken recruit reaching him. It's for the better that he left early. His meds don't mix well with alcohol anyway. Wouldn't want to take away from the fun, being the only one sober. He's only lost some layers of clothes since he hid in his room, fake leg still in place, unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
A knock takes him out of his haze, gets him to furrow his brows and roll to the side. The crutch near the nightstand looks nearly mocking, glinting in the dim moonlight, so he foregoes it, maybe out of spite, maybe out of self-pity. His body is heavy, uncooperative, and Kaz takes his time getting up and getting to the door. The bright hallway lamps feel like they're burning his eyes out, coating the silhouette there in a glow that is almost divine.
"It's me." he says unnecessarily, and Kaz lets out a small laugh. Not like he'd ever forget that stance, or that voice.
"I gathered. Coming to my room in the middle of the night, Boss? I'm afraid I'm not in that good of a shape just yet."
He still can't see his face well, but Snake is slightly slurring his words, as he does when he's drunk too much. Well, at least someone had a great night. His expression hardens, and he seems to think it over.
"I'm not here for that."
"Right. Of course not. Sorry." Part of Kaz wants to kick himself for even attempting a joke, perhaps because he had some hope it wasn't just that. This is not Costa Rica, he is not twenty-eight anymore, and who said he'd want you at all in this state, whispers a venomous voice in the back of his mind. He waves it off, irritation bubbling up. "Is it urgent? I know it's your birthday, but we still have to work in the morning. I was getting ready for sleep."
"I know. I'd do the same, but Lemur threw my room key overboard."
"He what?"
Dancing Lemur, a recent recruit saved by Snake from a Soviet camp. Starstruck by the man, and a nightmare for the staff. Loud, confrontational, badmouthing command any chance he gets. Too good at R&D to let him go, no matter how much Kaz wants it. And now this.
"Yup. Threw it in the ocean." Venom's deadpan expression doesn't betray his thoughts on the matter. Kaz doesn't know if he wants to laugh or start tearing his hair out. "Said I should 'continue the party with one of the girls' or something."
"That bastard. Give him an extra beating for me tomorrow, will you?" He swears under his breath, hides his eyes, half out of second-hand embracement, half because the light is starting to get to him. Should've grabbed the shades earlier after all. He sighs. Being face to face with a hero, a living legend, and saying something like that. Lemur is in for a ride, if Kaz can do anything about it. And he can.
"Will do."
Snake doesn't leave, doesn't move at all. An awkward silence hangs between them, and it's weird. Not like it used to be, though Kaz can barely tell what is truth and what is the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia at this point. They've talked after Snake rescued him about two months ago, of course they have, but never enough to make up for the time they've lost, both too busy handling their new responsibilities. Sometimes it's as if nothing has changed at all since he returned, like Boss is still asleep somewhere on the other side of the world and Kaz is alone, trapped on a piece of junk in the ocean. He finds it in himself to clear his throat and continue, not meeting the other's eye.
"So, you need help breaking the lock, or...?"
"I was thinking of crashing here, actually. If it's fine with you." Venom moves ever so slightly closer, one hand on the doorway, and Kaz feels almost trapped like that, without any obvious reason. "Breaking it seems like a bad idea. We shouldn't waste money left and right for now."
Kaz nods at the flimsy explanation, not mentioning that it was a joke and that Ocelot most definitely has a spare keycard. He and Boss shared quarters for nearly three years, shared a bed for at least half of them. There are more reasons to spend time together than getting locked out of a room. It would be an understatement to say that Kaz missed their long chats, the midnight planning, the meaningless whispers when they were so tired barely any of it made sense, but was sweet all the same. If that's the excuse they are going with to do that again, he won't mind. He moves out of the way, letting Snake in. Fumbles for a lightswitch as he closes the door, not used to having the overhead lamp on, but doesn't find it in time.
It's not quite a wall-slam, barely a wall-push, but his back is flush against the door in a heartbeat, strong arms on either side for support. One hand on his waist, so warm Kaz is too aware of it even through the shirt, almost scorching from the simple fact that it's Snake it's attached to. The other on his neck, cold and metal. He feels a shiver run through him, and in this position he's sure the other does too.
"Snake?"
"It was a good birthday party." The hand moves a little up, to his cheek, the movement unhurried as if they have all the time in the world. It's hard to believe that they might, after all these years. Even if for one night. "Gave me a good scare with that call beforehand."
Right. The one where Kaz told him to return as soon as possible. What can he say, he's always liked his fun. Especially back in the day. This really feels different from the last time they did this though, he thinks faintly, leaning in, getting lost in how nice the metal is on his skin. Distracting.
There often was this tension between them in the MSF times, one that spilled over in lingering touches and glances, in bruised ribs, ragged breaths all-too close to each other's faces after a fight. It didn't go anywhere for a long, long time. Part of him always thought that's how Snake wanted it, from the very beginning. To taunt, to tease, a side that he rarely showed other people. He was tough to understand, and every time Kaz reached out, tried making a move, Snake pulled away from his grasp, almost like he was displeased, like Kaz had misread him. And every time Kaz gave up on pursuing him, he'd pick it back up, chase after him without letting go. A press of hands, a grip around his neck, but just that. It was torture for Kaz - young, attractive Kaz, who got every other person stumbling over themselves and falling at his feet, to not be able to have the one person he wanted. Maybe that was the point. The thrill, and the chase.
Still, it did come to its logical conclusion in the end. Boss was the one to get fed up with their little game first, to his great surprise, just a couple of weeks before everything they built was destroyed. It's either women, or us, he has said. They were on the same page from then on. But even at that point, during the early mornings of their limbs tangled with each other, of laughs and conversations of the future, he could tell all of it meant something else to Snake than it did to him. Does he even remember that last part, any of it? Kaz has been told it's the shrapnel, messing with his head, his memories. He's been quieter since waking up too, even harder to read than before.
"Good. It was meant to be a surprise. Been in the works for a while." he offers, trying not to sound too lost. The hands on him are definitely not helping. Snake feels closer now, a warm puff of air near his face.
"A while?"
"You never told me the date before." Kaz pauses, contemplates if he should finish the thought. It's quieter when he speaks again, as if he's sharing a secret. It's not entirely untrue. "About nine years. Had to pester Ocelot for months until he gave in."
"Missed me that much?" He feels Snake's breath in his ear now, running through him, hot and familiar, but the words make him move away. Raise his own hand to the other's chin, forcing their eyes to meet, defiant.
"It's almost a decade, Snake. A decade. Do you have to ask." They look at each other, faces impossibly close. Someone laughs outside again, the night air rustling the curtain. "I thought about how we'll rebuild everything we've lost when you wake up," Kaz says in a whisper. "How I'll be able to stand by your side again. Now I can't even stand without support."
It's bitter, and selfish, but he can't help it. The hands around him tighten, and Snake's single eye glints in the dark, tied to him, searching.
"That's alright." A beat, their bodies involuntarily pressing closer, a breath passed between their lips. "If you ever fall, I'll catch you."
Kaz rushes to close the distance between them, not wanting to wait any longer. Snake tastes of their cheap party booze, and it's slow, almost timid, a path that they've walked before, one that feels new yet somehow the same. Snake moves away all too soon, presses his lips to the faint scars under one of his eyes. The doctors said they would heal to be almost invisible with time, but for now he and Boss match. It's tender, with a shadow of something that shouldn't be there, that almost tastes like desperation. One, two, four quick pecks on his cheek, and Kaz almost itches to squirm away from how embarrassed he is. Snake doesn't kiss him like that. What they have is fun and light, not desperate, never desperate. He can take a punch, and Snake knows it, that he's not made of glass, doesn't need to be handled with care. Is it the possibility of losing him? The nine years, the pity? God, Kaz hopes it's not the pity.
"I've been waiting to do that since we got you out." Another press of lips, lower, lower, down his neck with a hint of teeth. His breath warms Kaz's skin, and he feels a little drunk himself, like it's him who's drowning in an alcohol-induced haze, sweet and disorienting. Just for a moment, the self-loathing is dimmed by the familiar sense of being wanted, and he wishes it were enough. Something has changed, and Kaz almost wishes it hasn't, because all of this is too much, straight out of a daydream he had in his youth, so sickeningly-sweet it made even him want to puke. It's everything he's ever wanted, at a time he feels least deserving. Snake's face comes into focus when he moves away again, not too far, not too close. He looks lost in thought as he takes him in, all of him, and Kaz wonders what is it he can possibly see that makes him want to pry further instead of turning away. The other seems almost dazed as he breaks the silence, so softly he could've missed it. "I'm so happy you're alive, Kaz."
As if the words alone weren't enough, the way the syllables of his name roll off Snake's tongue could drive him insane. Kaz doesn't want to overthink it, he really doesn't, but it sounds so caring, so full of love. His breath hitches, and he feels the disgusting first signs of tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. Snake is on him again, face buried in his collarbone, but he barely processes any of it, hopes the other doesn't notice it too. Maybe somewhere deep down, he has never even thought this stupid, all the trashy romance movies he used to cry over, the fairytales of undying loyalty and unconditional love. He certainly doesn't now, not after hearing that.
His hand finds its way into Snake's hair, dark strands longer than they've ever been in their time together, tugs him up to find his lips with his own. Look who's desperate now, the same venomous voice in his head laughs at him, and Kaz doesn't have much to refute. Snake strokes his cheek, soft and steadying, ushers him to relax, to slow down. He definitely must feel the tears staining his face now, but at least it makes the dumb voice shut up. It's fine, just this once, Kaz thinks. With Snake, this is fine.
When they pull apart, their breaths are heavy, coming out in pants like they've both run a mile, and Kaz takes pride in that, considering just how many the man can run. With their foreheads pressed together, they stay like that, catching the precious night air. His whole body is on fire, leg shaky both with the pressure of standing too long and desire to finally get Snake out of the damn sneaking suit. He reaches out with unsteady fingers, blindly fumbles with the straps and clasps, until the other catches his hand.
"I meant it, Kaz, I'm just here to sleep. Sorry for getting a little out of hand." Even without seeing it, he can feel the smile in Snake's voice, and he knows it's not at his expense. He knows, and yet part of it still feels like a slap to the face. Of course. Why would anyone find any part of him desirable ever again, when there's so few of them left. But Snake knows him well too. "Don't overthink it. I haven't slept in thirty-six hours, is all." He brings Kaz's hand to his face, presses his lips to it gently. "We'll have plenty of time once we both get better."
Kaz wants to be upset, but he can't, even though Snake is most definitely using his own fatigue as an excuse for his sake. It feels like his body could give out under him any moment on best days, and on worst, it does. He waited nine years, hell, why not a bit more. There is no rush now that he knows that Snake wants him back. Snake leads him to bed, helps him take off his prosthetic, puts his own to the side. Lets Kaz undress in peace, politely looking away, as if both of them haven’t spent half their lives in the army. It's like years of pent-up exhaustion rush out of him as he breathes out, getting comfortable in the rough sheets. The sea breeze feels nice on the exposed parts of his skin, and Kaz closes his eyes, feels the scarred, calloused fingers run through his hair. The anxiety that has been eating at him eases up, for the first time in what feels like forever, and he slowly melts into it, allowing the calm to take over. Now that they are together, whatever might come their way next doesn't matter. As long as Snake returns home alive, that's enough. He'll always be there waiting for him when he does.