Chapter Text
Buck is not a selfish person. He loves wholeheartedly, and never asks for too much. Never too much. That’s why he tries not to let the disappointment consume him when he wakes up and the other side of the bed is cold. Again. He knows that Tommy is busy, he said last night, even, that he has a lot of errands to run today. And Tommy doesn’t know that Buck doesn’t like waking up alone. That he likes to cuddle and snuggle and bask in the warmth of his partner before being fully conscious. That waking up and feeling cool sheets beside him reminds him too much of being Buck 1.0. Of using and being used with reckless abandon. That to him the label of “boyfriend” means more than just kissing, or fucking, or eating dinner together, or leaving in the middle of the night. That he could at least wake him up and say goodbye before he goes. But Buck doesn’t ask that of him. Can’t ask that of him. Because Buck isn’t a selfish person.
So instead he wakes up and fixes the frigid sheets and starts his routine before he has to be at work. Unsurprisingly, there’s already a text from Eddie on his phone.
Eddie:
One week! :)
When Christopher left for Texas, Eddie was devastated, and Buck’s heart broke for both the Diazes. He wishes he could have been more helpful, could have fixed things like the fixer he is. But Bobby was in the hospital, and Tommy had already questioned why Buck was so close to Eddie’s “situation” for being a best friend. So even though he would have loved nothing more than taking in Christopher, or comforting Eddie, he took a step back. Because Buck needed to start prioritizing his own love life. Fixing the Diazes would have been selfish, which he isn’t. So he didn’t.
He did what he could, though. He encouraged Eddie as much as possible on shifts and got him to reach out to Frank. Buck even called Christopher multiple times a week to check in when talking to Eddie was still painful. Fairly quickly in his phone calls to Chris, Buck realized how much the boy was missing LA, especially his father. But the kid is nothing if not Eddie’s son and was clearly trying to push those feelings away. Stubborn apple from a stubborn tree. About three weeks had gone by when Christopher finally called Eddie. They had been on a shift, and Bobby had graciously allowed the two of them to commandeer the bunk room for such an important call. It was tense and emotional, as can be expected, and even though Chris said he was ready to work through things, they both decided that he should stay in Texas through the summer.
That was two months ago, hence Eddie’s text. Part of Eddie’s therapy, he’s told Buck, has been to find one good thing each day and tell someone. Speak it (or type it) into the universe. As such, these past three months Buck and the rest of the 118 have seen an influx of texts from Eddie. Turns out the man is a bit of an overachiever. Finding one good thing a day had been hard for Eddie at the start, but after the first phone call with Chris, the tide shifted. Buck would receive no less than three good-thing texts from Eddie a day, and he knows their friends would as well.
Eddie’s been sharing more with others, too. Something Buck suspects is also a directive from Frank. A way to get Eddie to lighten the load he usually keeps on himself. Buck has seen the changes in Eddie’s relationships with the 118. He’s formed a sort of mentorship under Bobby, not quite to the extent of Buck’s own father-son dynamic with the Captain, but something close and just as meaningful that warms Buck’s heart whenever he sees them together. Eddie’s been having “Dad Nights” with Chim, which are apparently very exclusive and whose details are only privy to other dads. Eddie always gets a weird look on his face whenever Chimney explains the sanctity of Dad Night, almost like he’s sorry that Buck isn’t allowed in their little club. Buck’s just glad his brother-in-law and his best friend are getting along so well.
With Ravi, Eddie’s taken on a much stronger big brother role. He and Buck still tease the not-so-newbie like nobody’s business. But now Eddie follows up the teasing with sage advice and offers for rides. Ravi, for his part, was quite confused at first. Eventually, though, Buck would see them at lunch chatting and laughing. That had confused Buck, who for some reason, felt the slightest twinge whenever Eddie would sit next to Ravi instead of him. Buck knows this is all good for Eddie, though. The man is the happiest Buck’s seen him since the whole Kim-Shannon debacle. But, it was reassuring when Ravi took Buck aside and told him he’s just trying to keep Eddie up to date on the “Gen Z happenings” since Chris isn’t here to do it. I’m not trying to step on any toes , he’d said, eyes wide and searching. Buck still doesn’t know exactly what he meant.
Lastly, in a change that Buck had never really seen coming, Eddie and Hen are close. Closer than ever. It’s not bad. It’s really not. In fact, it’s great. Hen is one of Buck’s closest friends and Eddie is Buck’s closest friend. They have a lot in common. Like their sons. And medicine. And… And the point is, Buck kind of just thought the closest Eddie and Hen would be is very friendly coworkers. But now Hen’s kind of giving Buck a run for his money in the best-friend-of-Eddie-Diaz department. They’ve been partnering off on chore duties around the firehouse. They’ll have lots of whispering conversations, which always look super intense to Buck. Sometimes they’ll just disappear and return, Eddie with messy, out-of-place hair, and Hen with a smug smile painted on her face. They’ll even come into work together some days. Not even showing up at the same time, but in the same car!
If Buck didn’t know any better, he’d think they were having an affair. But he knows that’s not the case since Eddie has flat out sworn off dating for the “foreseeable and most likely indefinite future”. Buck had rolled his eyes when Eddie told him that, tried to distract himself from how that made his stomach squirm. Also, Hen’s a lesbian. So, like. Definitely not sleeping with Eddie. But it’s still weird! Hell, they hang out as much as Buck and Tommy do. Buck knows this because the days that Hen and Eddie share a car are the days that he wakes up alone after a date night with Tommy. Otherwise known as the worst days of Buck’s week.
Which also means that today will be one of those days. But Christopher comes home in a week. And Eddie texted him about it at 5:30 in the morning. And soon the Diaz boys will be reunited. And Buck’s having a hard time seeing a downside to that.
—
Buck gets to the station early for his shift even though he knows it means seeing Eddie and Hen arrive in the same car (which isn’t a problem, really!). Except, what he walks into is worse. It’s Eddie and Hen hugging. And Eddie looks…nervous? And Hen’s speaking lowly into his ear, rubbing his shoulder, and pulling away to give him what looks to be a reassuring smile. It seems like something Buck would’ve done for Eddie. Should be doing for Eddie. But Buck for the life of him can’t think of anything Eddie’s got going on that would garner that type of reaction.
Sure, the whole mess of the last few months is still a bit fresh, but therapy has really been helping Eddie. If the man is supposed to be believed, and Buck does believe him, working through the grief of losing Shannon was much easier than he expected. Eddie’s told him that there were other things Frank brought to light that have been harder to figure out, but nothing he couldn’t handle. And nothing Buck needed to worry about, assured him of that, in fact. Only, this doesn’t look like something Buck doesn’t need to worry about. It looks like Eddie is going through another sort of crisis and he didn’t even come to Buck for help. He went to Hen. What could Hen help him with that Buck can’t?
Clearly, the two of them haven’t noticed him standing in the doorway yet. And at this point, it would be kind of awkward to just continue walking in like nothing’s going on. So Buck does the most rational thing he can think of. He walks back out of the firehouse and immediately makes as much noise as he can walking in the second time.
“Goooood morning, Vietnam!” Buck yells into the station as he approaches Hen and Eddie.
Hen gives Eddie one last pat on the shoulder before they both turn to look at Buck with amused and confused expressions. The firefighters from the last shift still milling about grumble at the noise being made after such a long day.
“Good morning, Vietnam? Really, Buck?” Hen asks, “Was last night movie night with your favorite firefighter?”
Buck’s face falls a bit at the reference to Tommy. He shifts his eyes over to Eddie who is suspiciously quiet. Eddie’s mouth is tight at the corners, but his eyebrows are raised as if he wants to know the answer. Which is kind of weird considering Eddie’s steered clear of any Tommy talk since he and Buck became more serious. Buck figures it’s because romance and relationships are difficult topics for Eddie, considering recent events. Still, Buck recovers, but not enough for his brain to mouth filter to fully kick in.
“Tommy’s not my favorite firefighter,” Buck says before he realizes that probably wasn’t the best answer to that question. “I mean, uh, no. No, we actually went, uh bowling. Bowling!”
They did not go bowling. There’s a beat of silence that makes Buck want to disappear and then Eddie speaks.
“Okay…so what’s with the Robin Williams impression?”
“Oh! That!” Buck pumps his arms. “I’m just…pumped for today. And Chris! One week!”
At the mention of his son’s return, Eddie's face lights up. Wide smile, crinkly eyes, positively glowing. Eddie’s probably the most handsome man Buck’s ever seen. Objectively.
“Yeah,” he breathes out, like it’s a weight off his chest. “One week. Can’t wait. Dios, I can’t wait to see him.”
“You’re not the only one,” Hen nudges Eddie with her elbow. “Denny’s really looking forward to slumber parties with Chris again.”
Hen speaking startles Buck. He feels bad. He kind of forgot she was here.
“Me too!” Buck agrees. “I’ve been honing my video game skills-”
“What, so you can finally beat him?” Eddie interrupts with a sly smile.
“Yeah, actually,” Buck crosses his arms. “Your son’s a whiz kid, I’m honored just to be allowed in his presence.”
Eddie smiles softly and reaches up to rub his chest. Buck knows that he’d be playing with his St. Christopher medal if he still had it. Back when Chris was packing to leave and still pretending Eddie didn’t exist, Eddie gave the medal to Buck to give to Chris if he couldn’t convince him to stay. It broke Buck’s heart when Chris wouldn’t take the necklace outright. In an act of desperation, he hid it in the boy’s backpack before he left. It was two weeks after that when Buck answered a phone call from Chris and the first thing he heard was Thank you for the medal.
Hen once again makes her presence known by interrupting the moment. Buck loves her, he does, but surely there’s somewhere else she could be right now?
“Isn’t Chris a little old for you to be having sleepovers with him?” At Buck’s incredulous look she continues. “I just mean, Buck, you’re in a relationship now. And maybe your boyfriend has an opinion on a 13 year old taking over a night that the two of you could have spent together? I’m just saying, don’t go making any plans with Chris before clearing it with your other half.”
Buck didn’t know words could cause nausea. Hen just smiles at him, a little sad, before walking past him and patting him on the back. Buck knows he should say something. Do something. Refute something? But all he can do is stand there like an idiot, blinking and trying to form words. He finally looks up. When he started looking at the floor, he can’t remember.
For a split second, Eddie looks as sick as Buck feels. Could Hen’s words have hurt Eddie as much as they hurt Buck? But why? Does Eddie think Buck would let Tommy, would let any partner, interfere with Buck’s relationship with Chris? He wouldn’t. But before Buck can speak up, Eddie’s face clears and he talks first.
“Hey, don’t worry about it, man. I’m sure Chris will understand if you guys can’t hang out as much anymore. People grow apart. Relationships change. That’s life.” Eddie shrugs, and Buck’s sure the words are meant to be reassuring but all they do is make the pit forming in his chest even larger.
“N-No, I-”
“I’ve, uh, gotta go find Cap real quick. Need to talk to him about something.” Eddie’s words come out quick and mumbled.
Buck is left standing in the middle of the firehouse feeling like someone just scooped his guts out. He’s hollow and he needs to be solid again. A call comes in before he can figure that out, though. He doesn’t have time to figure this out. He can’t stop and fix himself. Can’t be selfish. Duty calls.