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cheese and anime is the foundation of any good friendship

Summary:

Between studying for his degree and working terrible hours for minimum wage at a fast food restaurant, Techno really didn't know where life was leading him.

Well apparently, life liked to kick a man while he's down because Techno finds himself at knife point, getting robbed in the alley right outside of his work place. Who was the blond man in the expensive suit and why was he sleeping in the alley? Techno just hoped he could get out of of this mess without getting stabbed and maybe even with a new friend.

Notes:

The first chapter focuses on the original prompt by thy_valhallen.

"Mafia AU: poor Technoblade, broke and living in the city, gets mugged and accidentally meets the don, Philza"

The second chapter is just something extra because making friends with the mafia has to come with pros and cons right?

Chapter 1: oh good, you're alive

Chapter Text

Techno held his breath as he swung the massive black trash bag on his shoulders into the large bin and slammed the lid closed. With a soft huff, he leaned tiredly against the brick wall and took in the relative silence of the alley. The hustle and bustle of the restaurant felt so far away when he was here. Taking out the trash sucked but at least he could take a short break from the hell that was fast food rush hour. His feet hurt and every part of his stupid uniform smelt like grease and this stupid company kept scheduling him to end right after rush hour so he couldn't even get to earn money during the slower hours of closing.

Techno was honestly ready to just quit this job and drop out of college. He was so close to it, but then he received that honestly sweet text from his dad reminding him that he was missed and that he was welcomed home anytime and god damn it he was going to get this degree if it killed him.

He had to get back to work soon. Techno closed his eyes, leaning his head back and-

“Kid, you’ve got any sticks?”

Techno glanced at the man in front of him who was around his height and in a dark hoodie, standing between him and the alley entrance.

“Uh.” Techno responded eloquently.

The man rolled his eyes and pulled a knife from the pocket of his shirt.

“Look, whatever. Just give me your money.” The man snapped impatiently.

Techno glanced out of the alley, knowing all anyone else might see from the outside was two men talking. The man tsk-ed at him loudly, drawing his eyes back to the man- robber? God was he getting robbed right outside of his minimum wage job?

“I- work here?” Techno offered carefully. Did he look like he had money?

The man took a small step forward. “Look kid, I don’t give a shit alright? Give me your money and I’ll leave you to go back to your friends or whatever.”

Techno raised his hands, wondering if he could disarm the man, and whether the risk of getting stabbed was worth it.

“I’m just saying man, if I had money, I wouldn’t be working at Taco Bell for minimum wage.”

Techno could feel his back pressing against the brick wall and he knew the chances of a coworker coming out before he got stabbed was slim. God he knew he should have just gone home. Maybe he’ll at least get a nice scar out of it that he could tell his siblings about, they would think it was the coolest thing.

The clang of a dustbin lid crashing against the concrete rang through the alley and Techno and the man both turned their heads towards the back of the alley. The sound of dragging feet and cloth was just barely audible over the restaurant clatter as a man appeared from behind the bin, hands leaning against his knees like just getting up was more effort than he wanted. The man seemed to be in his mid thirties, with dirty blond hair that just touched his shoulders, messy waves framing his face and short scruffy beard.

The man groaned slowly before looking up at them.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt, do you have the time?” He rasped out and Techno wondered if he was drunk. But hey, Techno was nothing if not helpful, and anything was probably better than just standing there and getting robbed.

“It’s 7:30 pm.” Techno quickly offered.

The mugger seemed to finally come back to his senses, looking back at Techno and holding the knife ever closer to Techno’s face.

“Get out of here old man, this has nothing to do with you.” The mugger growled.

“Wait, are you really trying to rob a fast food employee?” The blond man asked incredulously.

Techno threw his hands up in the air. “That's what I was saying!”

The mugger growled under his breath before snapping his head towards the man fully.

“ENOUGH. I will not-”

Techno raised his right hand to push against the robber’s, grabbing his wrist and spinning on his feet to pull the man to the floor and trapping the snarling robber’s arm below him. Techno used his own weight to hold the man down before pausing and looking up at the grinning blond man.

With the adrenaline waning off, Techno glanced down at the struggling robber again before looking up.

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I'd get this far, uhhhh.” Techno pressed his knee down harder against the robber’s arm.

The blond man barked a short laugh, walking up to them. He lifted his right leg and kicked the robber in the head with more strength and precision than Techno would have thought the man had. The robber’s head dropped to the ground, his limbs falling motionless.

Techno quickly released the hold he had on the robber, scrambling back towards the backdoor of Taco Bell and sitting on the concrete floor.

“Aikido huh? Most people panic when a knife is actually pulled on them though.” The man complimented casually while poking at the robber with his shoe.

Techno shrugged. “ADHD kicked in,” He then added with a grin. “And I’m used to attacking people while they’re distracted, although I’m usually the distraction.”

The man laughed again, before grimacing and swaying slightly. He looked down towards Techno with calculative eyes before smiling widely.

“I think I need a place to crash for a few hours. What do you say mate, you want to skip work and bring a stranger home?” The man added cheerfully.

Techno looked at the man in his emerald green suit, and glanced back towards the sign of the Taco Bell. He only had like an hour left at work anyways and god he would do anything to not have to go back. It also didn’t help that the man looked like he was about to return to the back of the alley to sleep off whatever he had.

“I’m Techno. What’s your name?” Techno asked tiredly.

The man grinned. “Phil.”

Techno pushed himself back onto his feet with a loud sigh. “Alright, guess it’s time for an apartment tour.”

 

By the time they arrived back in Techno’s small apartment, Phil basically collapsed onto his tiny couch, his arms sprawling out onto the floor. Techno hovered around in concern before realising that Phil passed out pretty much immediately. With a soft huff, Techno decided to just return to his room, keeping his door just slightly ajar. He didn’t want to be a creep and watch the man sleep, but he didn’t want to get killed either.

Phil had barely needed his help the whole way home, although Techno did keep an arm on him while they were climbing the stairs up just to make sure the man didn’t roll back down. Phil had seemed extremely cheerful for a man who was describing in vivid details about how he had been drugged and was about to be killed before he escaped and found his way to that alley.

Techno had so many questions, and he didn’t even know if he should be asking them. It just seemed like it would be asking for trouble and Techno was in enough trouble for leaving his work before his shift ended. God was he going to get fired? Maybe he should quit before his boss had time to fire him. Techno could feel the rising anxiety and he quickly swallowed it down, pulling a book from his shelf. He would deal with this when there wasn’t a random blond man sleeping off an assassination on his couch.

 

Phil blinked awake from what felt like one of the best naps of his life. It took a moment before he finally realised he wasn’t home, and another panicked second before he remembered. Right. Techno. God, being drugged was the weirdest fucking dissociative trip he’s had.

Phil sat up and glanced around silently, giving himself time to compose himself and also learn more about Techno. Well, maybe learning more about Techno wasn’t quite accurate. Honestly all he could tell was that Techno lived in a shithole and was broke as hell. The dustbin filled with microwaved mac and cheese packages was also mildly concerning. Was he just surviving off mac and cheese? God, how did Techno ever get as tall as he is with this kind of a diet?

Deciding that that was all he could get for now, Phil stretched his arms out as much as he could, yawning loudly as he tried to bring all of his limbs back in commission. A moment later, the room door creaked open, Techno’s face poking out from behind curiously. Techno smiled happily when he spotted Phil.

“Oh good, you’re alive.” Techno grinned. “I know it’s not a great apartment, but I was still hoping it’ll be a little longer before I need to clear corpses from it.”

Phil snorted softly, throwing himself back to lean against the side of the couch lazily. “Not a corpse just yet, although I definitely wasn’t quite sure about that when I fell asleep.”

Techno winced in sympathy, offering him a bottle of water. Techno glanced around awkwardly before deciding that standing around was probably not making things better and joined Phil on the couch. “Do you need me to like, call someone for you?” He gave Phil a look over, taking in his suit and extremely expensive looking shoes. “A butler maybe?” Techno teased gently.

Phil choked out a laugh. “God, please you have to say that to Brian’s face one day.”

“Brian should be here in about 20 minutes. I did consider lounging here for a day,” He added mischievously, “But knowing the boys, half of them will be tearing the town apart and the other half will be holding my funeral.”

“Sounds like a chaotic bunch.” Techno commented lightly. “And I do appreciate that my opinion was a part of your decision.”

Phil smacked him lightly on the leg. “I would have ASKED obviously.” He crossed his arms. “What do you even do around here other than eat mac and cheese?”

Techno hesitated for a moment. “Do you… watch anime?”

Phil grinned widely. “Oh, this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

True to his word, a car honked from the streets exactly 20 minutes later. Phil grumbled softly as he stood up from the couch, putting on his suit jacket tiredly. Techno laughed at him with zero sympathy, stretching out to take up the rest of the couch.

“Get home safe old man. Don’t get drugged again.” Techno piped up, his voice muffled as he spoke into the fabric of the couch.

Phil rolled his eyes as he opened the door of the apartment.

“I’ll send the money to you in a bit.” He added before closing the door gently.

Techno blinked before sitting back up. He dashed to his front door, ripping it open. “What money?”

Phil was already two stories down, his laughter carrying through the stairwell.

“HEH??” Techno ran to his window to watch as Phil got into a sleek looking black car, another tall burly man in a black suit holding his door open for him.

Techno’s phone dinged and he pulled it out to see the 500 dollars deposit notification. Techno stared at it silently for a moment before scrolling up to the previous notification. It was his manager from Taco Bell. God damn it.