Chapter Text
Stede stood in front of the refrigerated food display case, paralyzed by indecision. The illustration of a goose in flight on every package, taunting him.
We're free. We know where we're going. We have direction and a purpose.
Unlike Stede. Stumped by an array of delicious options at the Gas Station/Convenience Store/Semi-fast food chain and New Jersey delicacy, Wawa. Everything was only almost what he wanted, but missing something crucial. What a metaphor for his life.
There was a chicken salad sandwich (but alas, no vegetables), or an Italian pinwheel (but why on a wheat wrap?). He could go to the kiosk and get something made to order, but that was even more overwhelming.
Finally Stede saw it: A single package of cannoli dippers hidden amongst the little fruit and cheese trays. His heart fluttered. Was it a lunch that would give his body useful nutrients, power his brain, and sustain him through the rest of his work day? Fuck no. But those little cannoli shells and delicious creamy dip with chocolate chips would give him endorphins. And he deserved a treat!
Stede reached for the one bright spot in his life.
And so did someone else.
No, absolutely not. Stede wasn't going to give up the cannoli dipper, the one thing that was going to bring him joy. His only hope at filling his stomach. The stranger could go suck eggs in hell (or at least, buy a "protein snack" and eat a hard boiled egg in the parking lot).
Stede was prepared to give the interloper the what for, he was going to fight for love. He was going to -
Oh holy fuck.
Stede looked at his opponent and all thoughts of what he was going to do to get his... well, Stede couldn't even remember what it was because standing before him was the most breathtakingly gorgeous man he'd ever seen. Long flowing hair, short salt and pepper beard, toned arms covered in tattoos, the tightest leather pants that ever existed, and the biggest, most beautiful eyes in the world.
Stede would give this man anything he wanted - phone number, a kidney, whatever food Stede was gripping tightly as he stared speechless at a real snack.
"Well now this is a pickle," the man said with a sparkle in his eye. Oh, those eyes.
"I think it's a cannoli dip, actually?" Stede said dumbly, checking the package to be sure.
I'd like to check his package, Stede thought uselessly as he realized, "Oh! You mean the situation we're in!"
"Yea, mate. Looks like there's only one cannoli dipper left. And they're pretty rare. Don't see ‘em much these days, but here it is!" The man shook the package that Stede was apparently still holding on to.
"Oh! So you want it?"
"Kinda why I grabbed it. And I'm assuming that's why you did, too?"
Stede nodded. "It's been a bit of a rough day, and these always help. But, if it means that much to you - "
"Nah. Well... yea actually." The man looked almost as wistful as Stede felt, "But..."
"We could always -" Stede offered.
"Split the dipper?" They said in unison.
—
The handsome man introduced himself as Ed while gallantly paying for some snacks and a couple cups of coffee. The chivalry made Stede swoon in a way that wasn't at all related to the light-headedness from his empty stomach.
Stede was buzzing with excitement (and caffeine) when they stepped into the parking lot. "So... your place or mine?"
"‘S'cuse me?" Ed's Disney Princess eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up.
"Whose car do you want to sit in while we eat? Mine's a bit of a clown car, I'm afraid. Hard to fit two grown men comfortably in the back. I'd probably end up on top of you! Perhaps your car would be better, unless you want to sit on my lap?" Stede joked. Easy to be bold when there was absolutely no other possible situation in which Ed would sit on him, the man was so out of his league. Like expensive goose foie gras versus Oscar Mayer chicken breast.
Ed smirked. "Think the real issue in that scenario is where to put the hot coffee. But, yea, I have a car."
Stede would have sworn Ed muttered, "Picked the wrong fucking day to not ride the motorcycle" as he lead Stede over to a black Subaru Outback, but it was probably just the wind.
They seated themselves comfortably in the spacious (a little too spacious) backseat and made a tidy little picnic with their cannoli chips and some grapes.
"So Stede, looked like you were having a bit of a time back there. Why were you so hung up on a cannoli dipper that you willingly got into a stranger's car? Get lured places often?" Ed popped a grape into his mouth.
Stede pushed a chocolate chip around with a cannoli shell, "Well, no. Not as a habit. But it's been a terribly rough day... well, rough year more like. It's a long story."
"I like long stories."
"Are you sure?"
"Yea, mate. I wanna know why it looked like you were having a menty b in the Wawa."
"Well..."
11 Months Earlier
"We have to move to New Jersey?!" Mary shrieked when Stede showed her the email from Badminton & Bonnet Business Industry Incorporated, East Coast division informing him of his imminent transfer to the Garden State.
"Think of it Mary! The land of Bruce Springsteen! You love Bruce Springsteen. And technically the home of the New York Giants! And there are so many independent music venues. I think I can really get a ska band together, and a record company will give me a big advance and I'll be able to quit Father's company."
"Did you know I hate ska? I said so just the other day."
"Really? When?"
"When you made me listen to ska for the last 18 years! I don't want to move to New Jersey, Stede!"
"Well, I don't either, but fuck me for trying to make the best out of a bad situation."
Hours of fighting ensued as Mary and Stede exorcized 18 years of built up resentment. Mental score cards of slights - that time Mary forgot Stede's birthday, the many instances when Stede pressure washed the sidewalk instead of actually helping prepare the house for a party (twelve times Stede!), who made plans and forgot to tell the other (both). On and on, until it totaled up to death by a thousand cuts, when really it should have been death by a very big sword -
"I think maybe we never really loved each other?" Stede finally said, somewhere around hour three. He collapsed on the couch, bone tired with a headache from crying.
Mary sat down next to him and squeezed his hand. "I think you're right." Her voice was soft. "I think our parents looked at two young people, and saw a business opportunity instead of their children. And we wanted to please them so badly...and I think...It was easier than thinking about what we wanted... " Mary trailed off.
A lightbulb went off as Stede really listened to Mary (for once).
"Oh my God, Mary, are we gay?"
Present Day
"... So we got the divorce, and had a nice party. Our friends were supportive, even though Mary and I overheard a couple of them gossipping about how we should have known - would have been great if they told us! Anywho, Mary helped me pack (easier with only half the possessions), and she and her partner helped drive me out here."
Stede took a restorative gulp of coffee and a bite of cannoli dip before he continued telling Ed all his woes. "My job's always been awful, but here it's more miserable than ever before. My ‘old school chums' are a nightmare to work for, just absolutely cruel people. They once -" Stede cut himself off before trauma dumping too hard on Ed. Save childhood stories of being forced to canoe with oars strapped to one's arms for the fourth date (not that this was a date, but still), "Well, suffice it to say that they were bullies as kids, and now they have power and money."
"And as for the ska band... well, it turns out ska's not a very popular genre, if you can believe it! I've put together a little group, but I think they hate me? They're all young and sarcastic, so it could just be how they talk. I'll call that a wash for the mo'.
"But this state, Ed! It's a nightmare! Why can't I make any left turns? I got yelled at for pumping my own gas! And I don't know how to use the Wawa computer kiosk ordering thingy! I'm not a New Jersey-an! I'm an idiot!"
Ed patted his arm reassuringly, "Hey, most of the people I know in New Jersey? They're idiots."
"Really?"
"Yea! And the ordering thing can be super daunting! C‘mon, I'll show you." Ed licked cannoli dip off his fingers (was it weird to be jealous of dip?) and opened the door.
"Oh, and by the way, I love ska." Ed winked, before dragging Stede out of the car, and back towards the Wawa.
—
If the computer kiosk was overwhelming before due to the abundance of choices, it was overwhelming now due to Ed's presence. The Wawa had become tenfold more crowded since they purchased their cannoli dippers, and there was no room for Stede and Ed to stand with any sort of personal space.
Ed's breath ghosted on Stede's neck, his body pressed against Stede's back, his arms bracketing Stede's as they stood in front of the computer screen.
"Now, you're going to click on the picture of the sandwich," Ed murmured into Stede's ear.
"But it's a cold sandwich, Ed! I want a hot hoagie," Stede said petulantly.
"You're gonna get it hot later. You can be patient for me while we look at the options, can't you?" Ed's voice was honeyed, like one of the several varieties of turkey choices on the screen.
"Fine. Now, what meat do I want?"
"Italian. All the meats. And choose the 10 inch classic wheat roll."
Stede did as commanded. "Do I want just the bread toasted or...?"
"No, toast the whole thing. Get it nice and melty. Add provolone cheese. Just like that."
They clicked the "Next" button.
"Ah, now here's where I teach you some more advanced tricks of the trade. You want to select mayo, but also oil and vinegar."
"But won't that curdle?"
"D'you trust me, mate?"
Stede did, implicitly. He clicked on the three spreads. "Now what?" Stede craned his neck to look up at Ed.
"Your sub needs toppings," Ed's voice was low. "How do you want to top your sub?"
Stede felt a hunger pool in his stomach. "Tomatoes. Lettuce. Onions."
"Are you gonna spice it up?" Ed asked.
"What do you think?"
"I think," Ed leaned in close to get a better view of the "Seasonings" screen, "you should add some oregano and pepper. Really brings out the flavors in the sandwich."
"OK," Stede said breathlessly, as he clicked to order.
Stede's heart rate was almost back to normal by the time he paid for his sandwich and met Ed back at the counter.
"So, now you know my story. What brought you here? Why'd you let a random man eat cannoli dip in your car?" Stede asked as they watched the Wawa team expertly prepare the sandwich.
Ed sighed. "Y'know how people run off and join the circus?" Stede nodded. "Well, did that. I'm really fucking good at it. But there's no life! No drama anymore. I just dress up like a fucking vampire clown - lots of leather, kinda go for a mime-y vibe..." Ed got a far away look in his beautiful eyes.
"Didn't start out this way, though. Went to college, theater. Bachelor's of fucking Fine Arts, specializing in Commedia Dell'arte. Body movement," Ed smirked, "I'm really good at body movement."
"But then one day, a scout from the local Clown Programme came by, saw what I could do. Made me an offer I couldn't refuse ‘cause I was broke, extra broke ‘cause of theatre school. And now I've been doing this for... 15 years? I own the troupe, it's a great crew, but I don't even need to advertise for it any more. People just see the "Blackbeard" logo and come to the show."
Ed looked exceptionally gloomy for a successful performer with a thriving business, but Stede understood. Stede placed a hand on Ed's shoulders and gazed into his eyes.
"I get it," Stede said softly, "It's like you're treading water, waiting to drown."
Ed nodded, "And those cannoli dippers, they just help, y'know? Cause everything sucks, but for about six minutes it sucks less."
They shared a tender glance in comfortable silence as the Wawa Sandwich Maker wrapped up the sub.
Stede took the sandwich and steeled himself to say goodbye to Ed and return to his normal, drab life. Ed would probably forget about him by tomorrow, but Ed had made an indelible mark on Stede, as if he'd written his name on Stede's soul in permanent ink.
Stede started walking towards his car, prepared to give an awkward "Goodbye forever" wave, when Ed yanked on his arm and pulled Stede back. "Hey, where're you going? You've got a sub to eat!"
"What, where? In your car? Aren't you worried about it being messy?"
"Nah, it's seen worse. Besides, I wanna know what you think of the sandwich!"
Ed brought Stede back to what Stede was now thinking of as "their" picnic Subaru. He stared at Stede expectantly, vibrating with excitement as Stede unwrapped the sandwich.
Stede slowly brought the sub into his mouth savoring it, enjoying the weight and heft of the long, meaty sandwich on his tongue. The salty vinegar danced across his taste buds, cooled by the creamy mayonnaise.
"Oh Ed!" Stede moaned around the sandwich. "I didn't know it could be like this. It tastes so good!"
Ed's eyes were dark. "Yea? Tell me. I want to know that you're enjoying yourself."
Stede gasped as tomato juice ran down his chin. "It's leaking so much."
"Clean it up."
Stede licked around the base of the sub, attempting to capture as much sauce as he could. A Herculean attempt, as the sandwich dripped excessively. Stede was making a mess of himself, but he didn't care.
He had to practically unhinge his jaw to accommodate the girth, but he soldiered on with determination and enthusiasm.
"That's right. Keep going, don't give up the ship." Ed mumbled sweet nonsense, interspersed with praise as Stede devoured the sandwich.
"Ed, I... I think I'm close, but I..."
"Yea? Are you gonna finish that sandwich? Do you need me to help you?" He sounded wrecked.
Stede nodded vigorously, "It's too much, Ed."
Ed dove for the other end of the sub like a man starved (and maybe he was - the cannoli dip and grapes weren't a very substantial snack) and they ate the sandwich in tandem,"Lady and The Tramp"-style.
They finished together, breathless and sated and covered in vinegar and lettuce.
"Come to my show tonight." Ed blurted out, through the haze of post-sandwich afterglow. "Or not, um, not. It's cool. Or whatever. No big deal."
"I'll be there with bells on - that's what you wear to the circus, right?" Stede said lightheartedly. Aw, it was so nice that Ed wanted to see him again!
"Mmm. You can wear whatever you want, but I want to take it off of you at the end of the night."
Stede's heart stopped. Surely he misheard Ed.
"Hrrngg?" He said, eloquently.
Ed grabbed a napkin to clean them up, "Need a volunteer for a magic trick at the finale, and you’d be perfect."
"And that's why you need to take off my clothes?"
"...Yes. Anyway! Just put your number in my phone," Ed dug the device out of the front pocket of his (very tight) pants and handed it over to Stede, "And I'll text you a ticket. See you around 6?" Ed looked surprisingly vulnerable.
"Yes. 6. With bells on! And pants that are easy to remove."
"Excellent." Ed's grin was as big as Stede's heart felt. "It's a date."