Chapter Text
When Abby cried, she cried alone. That was something that had been consistent throughout her whole life. Whenever she was having a problem on the Ark, she’d cry in the back of medical, away from Jake and his concerned stares and Clarke and her suspicious glances. When she was alone, she didn’t have to worry about staying strong for anyone, about saving anyone. She could just let all of her emotions take over, allowing herself a five minute time out from her real life.
The unfortunate thing about the Ground, however, was that you were rarely ever actually alone; even if you were convinced there was no one around. When Abby found herself crying outside the medical tent soon after darkness had fallen upon Camp Jaha, she was unaware that Marcus Kane was on guard duty that evening. She was unaware that as her sobs grew just audible over the night’s breeze, he could hear her. So, she was very surprised when Marcus rounded the corner and quietly slid down to join her on the cold, hard ground.
Abby tried to compose herself now that she knew she had company, but it was no use. The weight of everything was upon her, and as the tragedies continued to pile up, she felt as if she were suffocating. Clarke had been gone for weeks now, and the fact that she had made no contact with Camp Jaha lead Abby to believe that she had no prospect of coming back. All of the victims of the incident at Mount Weather (including herself, though she would never admit it) were traumatized. Although the physical scars were starting to fade, the psychological trauma was ever present, rearing its ugly head whenever they were finally starting to feel safe. And then, of course, there was the issue of survival. As winter approached, the Council was trying their best to figure out rations and food sources, but it was a lot to ask of a group of people so inexperienced with Earth and its temperaments. She was in charge of these people, and all she could think about was her missing daughter. As far as she could tell, the only trait from the Ark that she’d carried down to Earth was her ability to be incredibly selfish. Her sobs grew more frantic, less controlled, and she started to shake.
Marcus had never seen Abby like this before, not even when Jake had been floated. Abby Griffin had always been a figure of absolute control, the one thing that was calm in their storm of life. She was always the one who helped everyone else, who was able to bring solace to her people. He had never seen her this vulnerable in his life, and they had known each other for a very long time. He was very unsure of what to do in this situation. Yes, they had grown much closer since landing on the Ground, and there was some sort of unspoken connection between them. But what was it? He knew what it was for him, of course, but there was no way that was how she felt. No, he was merely her partner in ruling and negotiations. For her, it was a relationship built on leadership, and that was all.
Still, as he looked at her, completely emotionally exhausted and upset, he realized he had to do something. But what was he supposed to do? From an outside perspective, this might even have been funny. Marcus Kane was able to make smart decisions in seconds when it came to leadership and combat, but was completely in over his head when it came to Abby Griffin.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked her abruptly, turning towards her slightly.
Abby pondered this for a moment. How was it possible that the man who once tried to have her floated was now the one person she could get comfort from? And was it wrong that she was thinking that way? Marcus Kane had completely snuck up on her, and she knew very well that she couldn’t shake him, even if she wanted to. She couldn’t help but wonder what that said about her. She shouldn’t be getting attached to anyone right now. Enough of the people who she loved had been taken from her, in one way or another. Still, she could not deny that comfort, in this moment, would not be something that she wanted to deny herself. After another few moments of silence, she shook her head.
“Okay,” Marcus said quickly. “What would you like me to do?”
A fresh batch of tears fell from her eyes at this, and he could feel his heart breaking inside of his chest. This woman, who may possibly be the most perfect and kind woman who existed, was falling apart. She was the last person who deserved to fall apart, and yet it was happening anyway. If it was possible he would take all of her pain and bear it himself, but it was not.
“Abby,” he repeated, his voice thick with emotion. “What would you like me to do?”
To Marcus’ surprise, she grabbed his hand. She didn’t say anything, she just simply held tightly, as if she expected him to let go. To her utter dismay, he did. Everything that she had been worried about regarding Marcus came flying to the surface.
I was wrong about him, she thought. I made a mistake and scared him off.
However, this was not the case. Marcus immediately took the arm of the hand she had been holding and wrapped it around her petite frame, pulling her close him. Her head rested lightly on his chest, and his chin brushed the top of her head.
“You can trust me,” he whispered, his warm breath touching her hair. “You can talk to me if you need to, or cry or yell. But you can trust me.”
Abby lost it. She could not control her tears. Everything that she’d been holding back since Clarke left surged to the surface. And what was the strangest was that she felt so… comfortable. Marcus held her tight, stroking her hair as she cried, and it was as if that was exactly what she needed. She’d forgotten what it was like to feel that support, that unconditional affection. To get that from someone besides Jake was so foreign, but it felt right. She knew for a fact that in that moment, there was nowhere else she would rather have been. They stayed like that for a few moments before her sobs started to let up. Wiping her eyes, she peered up, locking eyes with him.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I don’t like to get like this with people. I’m awkward and uncomfortable and… scary.”
Marcus smiled down at her, their stares still connected.
“You don’t scare me.”
Abby felt her breath catch in her throat. This was all very intimate, and she should have saw this coming. She knew from the way he looked at her that co-leadership wasn't all that he had in mind. He'd been a patient man, a respectful man, but she couldn't expect that he would let them dance in the in-between stage of their.. whatever they had forever. But she wasn't ready yet. She may have let him in for a second, giving into the comfort and the security of Marcus Kane, but she wasn’t a changed woman. At that, she felt herself separating from him, untangling herself from his arms and standing up.
“I know,” she said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself to block the chilled night air. “And that scares me.”
She slowly began walking away from him, back to her solitary quarters and familiarity.
“Goodnight, Abby,” she heard Marcus’ saddened voice call out from behind her.
“Goodnight, Marcus,” she whispered, more to herself than anyone else.