Archive of Our Own

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On the battlefield of red and iron, Zhao Zishu trotted through the corpses of enemies and friends, searching for Wen Kexing. The battle had settled and all major actors perished—whether from death or escape—except the Master of the Ghost Valley whose body had disappeared.

That's because there's no body, Zishu repeated this as the mantra of non-believers uttered in despair. I've been doubting and ignoring you, I know. He said to the buddhas. But now I offer my life no matter how worthless it be and the next nine thousand in exchange for his one.

Having conquered the skill of observation as cold and sharp as an iron blade, he walked purposefully across the field and zeroed in like a hawk on all that stood out. Ignoring the limbs and whimpers, he strode with a violently built-up calm, holding himself from falling apart. And then he saw robes of the familiar shade of red; bloody, torn and speckled with mud. His heart dropped. He broke into a run, his knees weakened by what he imagined he might find.

Behind the lone tree near the cliff, Wen Kexing was slouched against the bark of the tree as the group of Scorpions peered down at him, their faces mutilated by cruel sneers. Their leader Xie'er clutched an iron rod, ready to strike the killing blow onto the defenceless target. Zhou Zishu was faster and his Baiyi clinked against the enemy's weapon like a mountain split in half, such was his rage. The next move came swiftly like a flap of a butterfly's wings—push and pierce through Xie'er's heart. The time for talk had been over some time ago.

With their leader dead, the remaining Scorpions' hubris died out. They grabbed for Xie'er's body and scattered like leaves without a branch, Zhou Zishu the cold winter wind that blew them away. Once alone on the cliff, he turned toward the wounded man on the ground.

Wen Kexing was holding his hand up to him, smiling crookedly. Blood over his chin and neck matched his crimson robes, but the mud heightened the darkens beneath his eyes. Before Zhou Zishu's knees knuckled to the ground next to his dearest friend, Wen Kexing whispered: "Wait."

Zhou Zishu stilled. His throat closed up as he looked down at Kexing's trembling wrist, reaching for an unreachable fantasy.

"A-Xu-ah," Wen Kexing said in a thin voice. "The light, it's…all over you. I'm trying to…but I can't." He coughed and spat more blood as red as corals. "Are you—"

Zhou Zishu finally gave in and threw himself to the ground next to his friend. "Lao Wen," he said, "It's all right. I'll catch it for you and then we can go home."

Wen Kexing's eyes turned to crescents. "But I am home."

Zishu shook his head and said, "The Ghost Realm was never your home."

Kexing smiled, letting his bloody teeth catch the setting sun. "A-Xu," he gulped over Zhou Zishu's name. "A-Xu."

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With no care for his condition, Zhou Zishu arrived swiftly at the Four Seasons Manor in the early morning hours. The few pupils who stood guard noticed him and Wen Kexing on his back, unconscious, and immediately rose a hubbub around them.

"Are you hurt?" they asked.

"Is this Senior dead?" they exclaimed.

"As expected," they whispered. "Master brought his body home for the funeral ceremony."

Zhou Zishu had no time to refute before Wu Xi appeared and silenced the louder ones. He efficiently divided chores like bringing water, getting bandages, mixing powders of medicines, picking herbs, and carrying Wen Kexing to the infirmary. The last one fell to Zhou Zishu because he refused to part with his friend even for a moment until he positioned him carefully onto a hard cot in the infirmary. Zhou Zishu was struck numb at how much like a corpse his friend looked, ghastly in the early morning. He looked away. After a while of getting in the way of Wu Xi's volunteering helpers, he went out into the cold morning mist to inhale the moist dewy air. He was certain, if of nought else, that Wen Kexing's fate did not end like this.

Throughout the morning, Wen Kexing was cleaned, changed, bandaged, made to drink medicinal tea and inhaled healing incense that left him sleeping and preserving energy. Zhou Zishu requested every little detail from Zhang Chengling who had been there for all of it, clutching his Uncle's cold, frail hand.

"Why won't you go see him, Master?" Chengling asked for the fifth time. "I don't understand—"

Zishu cut him off. "You wouldn't. Go back. Look after your Uncle, speak to him so he knows you're there."

Chengling's eyes grew larger. "But then he'll know you're not the one holding his hand. Oh, Master, can't you go for just a moment, only to—"

"Disciple," Zishu's voice was stern. "You're out of line."

Chengling's head bowed and he mumbled, "Yes, Master."

"What was that?"

Chengling's back straightened. "Yes, Master!" He exclaimed.

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"What's wrong with him?" he asked of Wu Xi.

"His heart," Wu Xi set the cloth down on the wooden desk. Zhou Zishu and his friend sat around the table in Wu Xi's bedroom and drank tea. Wu Xi placed his hand on his chest. "It's been nicked by the sword and is slowly bleeding inside him."

Zhou Zishu downed the remains of tea like it was alcohol. "That's…" He stopped and cleared his throat lest his voice broke again. He was still the lord of the manor and had to act like it. "What can we do?"

There was always something to do.

Instead of Wu Xi answering, the door slid open and another voice proclaimed: "First we heal you, Qin Hauizhang's Disciple. You don't have much longer to live either, but you know that already."

It was Ye Baiyi, his face arrogant and otherworldly. He was like a ghost standing in that doorway in pristinely white robes and hair more white than not. The wind pushed at his clothes and made him seem insubstantial. Zhou Zishu wondered how Ye Baiyi not only knew everything but revealed the information at the worst time possible.

Wu Xi gasped. "You're dying?! Did my medicine—"

Ye Baiyi answered: "This idiot decided he'd rather end it than wait and recover."

Zishu stood up and said, "Enough. With all due respect Senior, I made my decisions as I saw fit at the moment. Past is the past and we cannot catch river water."

Ye Baiyi barked a laugh. "Sure we can. We drink it all the time."

"And then," Zishu said, "we piss it out again."

Wu Xi stood and turned to Zishu. "Friend—"

Zishu shook his head. "Senior," he said to Ye Baiyi, "If you have a way to save me, then you must have a way to save Wen Kexing. I implore you to use all power for—"

Ye Baiyi flipped his hair. "His is a different wound," he said nonchalantly. "Only one strong enough and full of life can do anything of use for him and as you can see I am dying at an alarmingly fast pace. My immortality is trickling through my fingers. No," he shook his head. "It has to be you, Qin Hauizhang's Disciple, but not as you are now. First I will fix your meridians and restore your strength, then you'll save your Beloved."

Wu Xi's eyes grew large at the word 'Beloved', but Zishu was too busy trying to steady his wild heart that judged Ye Baiyi's words completely true.

Wen Kexing—Zhou Zishu's Beloved.

If only he weren't so preoccupied with a new realization, he would have realized the extent of Ye Baiyi's lies.

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In the end, Ye Baiyi explained the process in a logical way that made sense to Zhou Zishu. They sat opposite each other and extended their hands towards each other. Ye Baiyi was going to offer his QI to heal Zhou Zishu's meridians. With this, Zhou Zishu would have enough strength to heal Wen Kexing. Ye Baiyi had explained that Wen Kexing's wound was not that of the QI, but of the physical sort that only healers and shamans can cure. Zhou Zishu's energy was going to be crucial in helping Wen Kexing while using the secret healing method that Ye Baiyi would teach him.

Lias, all of it.

Ye Baiyi could only save one of them and he chose Zhou Zishu. Later it was obvious why. Wen Kexing had been in Ye Baiyi's eyes the Master of the Ghost Valley first, and a son of a dear friend second. It was natural he should choose one of the two idiots that at least wasn't a ghost. Not yet, anyway.

As he clutched at Ye Baiyi's dying body, Zishu demanded: "Why, Senior? Why?" But Ye Baiyi only gasped: "I'd do it…even if he didn't…ask…" And with these last words, a bloody fan was revealed inside Ye Baiyi's sleeve. It was Wen Kexing's.

On it, a message scribbled in blood said: A-Xu, I feel death in both you and me. Ye Baiyi has a way. I implore Senior not to waste it on this undeserving one—

The message cut off halfway, but the meaning was clear—Wen Kexing asked Ye Baiyi to use his Combined Six Cultivation Method to cure Zhou Zishu instead of himself. Rage crept up on him like lightning and suddenly he found himself tearing at the fan, heaving and shaking.

But then his body stilled. Like water in deep summer, no breeze touched him. He took a deep breath. There was always a way. He would find it. Where would he be if he gave up so easily every time he reached a standstill? His hands shook, but he hid them under his thighs as he sat, straight-backed, next to Ye Baiyi's body.

He thanked Ye Baiyi for the sacrifice and once his hands stopped shaking, closed his dead eyes. He stood. The shaking ceased. Ye Baiyi might have lied, but he felt his old power coursing through his veins. He felt he could do anything and he was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of purpose and hope. He was ready to see Wen Kexing.

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As soon as Zishu entered the infirmary, he was greeted by a weak voice that rasped, "A-Xu-ah, what took…you…"

Zishu found himself kneeling next to Wen Kexing's bed, feeling his friend's forehead. He whispered, "Don't exhort yourself, you fool."

Kexing smiled softly, almost imperceptibly. His eyes were half-closed. Zishu said, "They didn't tell me you awoke."

"I know," Kexing whispered back, "You needed time…"

He pushed two fingers into Kexing's vein at the side of his neck. The pulse was weak but no weaker than before. Promising. Kexing crawled his hand slowly to clutch at Zishu's fingers. He gazed into Zishu's eyes, now more alert, "Don't do that," he said. "I don't want you doing that."

Zishu nodded. He could see this meant a lot to Kexing. "All right."

Kexing almost let go of Zishu's fingers, but Zishu entangled their hands next to Kexing's hip. He said, "I'm here for you, Lao Wen. You're going to be okay."

Kexing laughed but ended up coughing blood. Zishu extended his other hand and fetched a cloth already filled with bloody stains. He wiped at his friend's lip. Kexing said through the blood, "I'm not some child," cough. "To be lied to," cough. "To be looked down," cough. "Upon," cough.

"There are things I'll tell you later," Zishu admitted. "But I'll never lie to you. When I say you're going to live, I mean it. Don't you know I always find a way?"

"Mhm," Kexing said. "Like you found a way to leave Tian Chuang."

Zishu's chest filled with fondness. Half a breath left, but Kexing would use it to try to win an argument nevertheless. "Yes," he said. "Like I left Tian Chuang and survived only to be here, now, next to you, holding your hand."

"Don't you…know…" Kexing said and closed his eyes. His voice was threads of silk over a blade. "That…"

"What, Lao Wen?" Zishu asked, but Kexing was already asleep. Zishu leaned down and placed a kiss on his friend's forehead.

Kexing stirred. "How did you…I was going to say…that."

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"You're the best," Zishu said to Wu Xi, "The best shaman and healer that I know. And in my career as Tian Chuang's Leader, I got to know a lot."

Wu Xi nodded, but his brow was worried. "It's just," he said, "A heart torn is a heart torn. All paths lead to the heart. Your body's core is the heart. Even if we give him QI, it would find a way to escape through the tear inside his heart. It's a small one, but painful. I'm not," he shook his head and turned away. "I don't know if I'm the right person for this."

They were in the vineyard and cherry trees hung pink and sad overhead. The rain had fallen that night and the morning brought mist and mud. Zishu's boots squelched on the ground as he paced. "Don't tell me that, friend. You found a way to heal the Nine Nails, surely you will find a way to patch up a heart."

"Patch up a heart!" Wu Xi exclaimed. "A heart!" He shook his head. "A heart," he repeated to himself. His brows furrowed. "We need to…patch up his heart."

Zishu knew this look. It was Wu Xi's thinking face when he was about to come up with a brilliant solution. He dared not interrupt his friend lest he muddled his stream of thoughts and calculations.

"Master!" Chengling waved at the pair of them from the distance. "Master!"

Zishu closed his open palm into a fist to indicate silence to his disciple. Chengling nodded and strode slowly toward Zishu only to stop and stare at Wu Xi along with his Master.

The moments of anticipation felt like lifetimes living like a fly or a reed. At last, Wu Xi said very slowly, "You, Zishu," he pointed a finger at him even, "You need to patch Wen Kexing's heart."

After such a wait, Zishu was still none the wiser. "How?"

Now Wu Xi got to pacing. "I knew a woman once, a shaman, but unlike me in every way conceivable. Her practice was that of the spirit more than the flesh. We are, both of us, shamans, but she had a distinctive connection with the spirit world. She would heal a broken heart by prescribing love. How funny is that!"

Chengling was frowning next to Zishu, but in this instance, the two of them were equally confused. Before Zishu was made to ask, Wu Xi continued. "I don't know if it will work and the woman is long gone, but…What if you healed Wen Kexing's heart by actually trying to heal his heart?"

"What?" Chengling finally asked.

"Perhaps the spirit needs to heal. Wen Kexing's life has been filled with all sorts of feelings and horrors in an environment where love had no way in. What if love heals him? What if his heart needs not any medicine I can offer his flesh, but the one his heart needs—the one that lacks in his spirit."

"But," Zishu raised his voice. "But I already love him!"

Wu Xi and Chengling looked at him, stunned. Wu Xi offered a smile. "I thought you did. What about him, though? Does he love you? Does he know what love is? Does he know you love him? Can he receive your love? I honestly do not know how the prescription of love works and what is to be done, but…that's the only thing I can think of that could perhaps heal Wen Kexing's heart."

"And you're sure of it?"

"Do not ask me that, friend," Wu Xi looked away. "It's all based on legends and old acquaintances."

"What about time? How much does he…?"

Wu Xi's eyes strayed toward Chengling who was still young and emotional over such conversations but answered. "Not much, but I can make the last moon count. I'll give him a similar medicine I gave you. Not as strong, so he'll be weaker but live longer until you manage to heal him. He'll be able to walk and talk normally, but he'll need to take breaks often. I—If I give him this medicine," Wu Xi paused and stilled, mouth grim. "Wen Kexing will surely die within one phase of a moon if his heart is not healed by then."

Zishu nodded slowly. He whispered, "And without it? How much does he have?"

Wu Xi shook his head. "Perhaps double that, but three times as weak and fated to bed."

Chengling inhaled sharply. "So Uncle can live two moons dying in bed or one moon living out of it?"

Before Wu Xi answered, Zishu asked, "This shaman woman you used to know. You're sure she's dead?"

Wu Xi shook his head. "I never said dead."

"So gone where?"

"No one knows."

"I bet one person knows."

"Zishu, what are you thinking?" Wu Xi asked just as Chengling exclaimed, "I want to help, Master!"

The wind picked up. The three started for the manor in unison. Zishu said, "I'm thinking I will dose Wen Kexing with as much love as I can muster, but it's going to be done as we seek this woman to ask for help. I cannot risk waiting here and watching him die. I cannot." His voice almost broke.

"I want to—" Chengling started.

"All right, disciple. You'll be helping. And so will a few others. I'm not risking a dangerous trip alone. Not this time."

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And so it was that Zhou Zishu followed up on his promise to Wen Kexing and went to the infirmary for the second time to tell him of the plans.

"So," Kexing said. He was sitting up on the bed, looking pale, but awake. "This juice of the cherry bark—"

"A very special cherry bark mixed with other things hard to get by," Zishu reminded him.

"Yes, yes," Kexing nodded. "This medicine will give me strength and one more moon to live."

Zishu nodded, although his breath caught in his throat. Hearing it said, it was difficult to remain impassive. "During which we'll embark on a journey to seek this shaman Wu Xi told me about."

"And," Kexing paused to change the position of his head on the pillow. Although sitting, his head still had to lean against the bedpost because his energy levels were low. "And—"

"What?"

Kexing's piercing black gaze held Zishu's as though deciding something. At last, he shook his head and said, "Nothing." He smiled sweetly.

"Nothing? You don't care about my plan? How I will find this shaman? How I will heal your heart? The—"

"All I care about," Kexing said and positioned his hand atop Zishu's sleeve, "Is that I get to be as close to my previous self for a full moon and spend that remaining time with you."

"The journey will be dangerous and hard," Zishu said. He had thought about it throughout the night and into the morning—the fact he would force his sick friend to exhort himself so much for a rumour, a legend, and a fool's chance. But was it not that the two of them had always beaten the odds?

"Every journey is," Kexing said.

It was now or never, Zishu thought and said, "Lao wen," he slowly lifted his hand and caressed his friend's cold cheek. Kexing stilled even more than before. "You do know that I love you." It was not a question, but a fact.

Still, Kexing offered no reply. He broke the silence with a bark of a laugh and a cough. "What! I must really be dying, hearing this."

Zishu's hand caressed Kexing's soft, dark hair. "You're breaking my heart, making fun of me like this."

"You're the one that makes fun," Kexing said and closed his eyes. Zishu thought that he was not tired, but just weary of the eye contact. Like a deep pit with no end in sight, Zishu's eyesight dimmed and his chest caved in because he realized that no, his Beloved did not believe him when he presented his love to him.

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Hearing about the journey, every disciple of Zishu volunteered along with Wu Xi and Jing Beiyuan. Chengling, of course, was the first in line and even demanded the hardest tasks upon himself, constantly trying to prove his worth not just to his Master, but to his Uncle as well.

And Wen Kexing was finally out of bed and now stood upon the wooden terrace in the garden, observing the preparations. The carriage was being outfitted with all sorts of packages, weapons and medicine that Wu Xi and Zishu deemed necessary. Now and then, Zishu would look up at the royal figure of Wen Kexing, his pale face and deep green robes, one hand behind him, the other in front. He was indeed like a picture of a royal long gone.

As soon as he thought about it, he snapped out of it. Kexing was here and he was alive. Why did his mind keep seeing him as a ghost? He was no longer a ghost, no longer a—

"Did you tell him?" Chengling whispered.

"What?" Zishu was snapped out of his endless unwelcome thoughts.

"That you love—"

"Disciple, mind your tasks!"

"Yes, Sir!" Chengling exclaimed and scattered away.

From the distance, Kexing laughed. "A-Xu! Why still being so hard on your disciple? He's so productive today…"

Zishu pretended to frown. He said, "Productive today, lazy tomorrow. That's no way to maintain balance."

"Ah, such a strict master you are," Kexing lamented. "I wonder how I'd grow to think of you if you were my master…"

"You wouldn't always talk back, for one." The teasing was broken by two disciples dropping a huge oak crate. Its sturdy frame bashed against the ground but did not crack.

"What is this?" Wu Xi who had done the packing preparations with Zishu asked in wonder. "I don't remember—"

"Nor I," Zishu said. "Which only means..." He turned to look at Kexing who was grinning shamelessly at the whole ordeal. The two disciples struggled with the case and two more approached to help lift it. Zishu started, "Lao Wen—"

"A-Xu!" Kexing interrupted and descended the few stairs onto the pebbled path toward the carriage. His pace was slow and deliberate; he tried to mimic the intentional creation of graceful anticipation of his arrival, but the way his skin paled and the way he clutched at his sleeve gave away his struggle to appear healthy. No one dared not pretend blindness and they all let Kexing approach at his own pace. Once he was within hearing distance, Zishu stood tall like a Master waiting for his Disciple to explain. Kexing lifted his chin and said, "These are my things. I've arranged them packed since no one asked me anything about it."

Wu Xi retreated from the conversation like a true hero while Zishu gave a once-over to Kexing's crate which was two times bigger than all the rest and ten times as heavy. He said, "And why exactly have you packed a whole room to go?"

Kexing laughed and swatted at Zishu's shoulder. "Don't be absurd, a whole room would never fit inside!" The four disciples that carried the crate dropped it again. This time it broke and many colourful robes and trinkets fell out of it and spilt over the shiny white pebbles. It looked like Kexing had decided that the most important thing for the journey was his robes and jewellery. Kexing theatrically pointed his arm over the fallen things, "But a closet would." He snapped his fingers at the nearest disciple. "Quick! Pick it up before moist and bugs crawl in. I had to deceive a demon to get this high-quality silk. A very rare shade of apricot, too."

"Lao Wen," Zishu lowered his voice. "You'll be back at the Manor to wear all these silks before you know it."

Kexing kept looking at the disciples picking up his fallen things. "I can't leave them behind."

"You're not. We'll be back soon."

"Still..." Kexing's gaze turned far away. He was gazing into a scenery no one else was privy to. "Still..."

"I already left a place for your things. What if...What if you chose a few of the silks that you deem necessary and I'll pack them up with my things?"

Kexing's face looked disagreeing, but they both knew they could not argue in front of all the disciples and the two close friends of Zishu's, so he remained quiet. The gaze he offered to Zishu said that the matter was not closed and that they should talk later, or rather that Kexing would win the argument later.

At dinner, Kexing ate little, but they had the privacy to truly talk for the first time since before the bloody ghost wedding and Kexing's injury.

Zishu broke the silence. "Is it hard to eat solid food?"

Kexing ignored the question. He said, "I want my body to be buried in the colours of the moon phase and the day of my death."

"Lao Wen," Zishu whispered. He put down the cup of tea and took his friend's hand.

Kexing's gaze fell on their intermingled fingers. He forced a smile and said in false sweetness, "A-Xu-ah, didn't you notice my style all this time we spent together? I always take good care to follow the seasons and the moon and sun cycles. Aish," He sighed, "I troubled for nothing..."

"Lao Wen," Zishu repeated. The name was a plea.

"I have faith in you, A-Xu," Kexing said. "But I'm afraid I lack one in myself." Zishu let his friend finish. Kexing was no longer smiling. He leaned in and said, "I'm too weak not to throw my life at the first chance yours is in danger. It's become a habit, really. A reflex. And now that I'm just a weakling that even Chengling could beat up, how can I save you?"

Zishu released a slow breath. "Lao Wen, this time," he said and leaned even farther in, "Let me be the one who saves you."

The intense moment was broken by Kexing's faux-offended shriek. "But you agree that Chengling could beat me up?!"

Zishu sat back up and picked up his teacup. He took a long slurp before answering, "Don't worry, A-Xing. I'd protect you." He smirked at Kexing's incredulous expression.

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In the end, Kexing did not explain how, but he chose a few robes and jewellery to take with him while leaving the rest behind. Unbeknownst to him, Zishu packed the rest into his things. He only ever wore his linen grey robes anyway and he did not mind his monotonous style, so the rest of the space was used for Kexing's silks. But he said nothing to his friend, lest Kexing got too full of himself.

On the second morning, since the decision to leave had been made, the troupe started toward the East Country where the mysterious shaman supposedly was last seen.

"But," Jing Beiyuan finally broke the silence with a question that burned him all morning. Zishu and he were sitting at the front of the carriage; Zishu was the driver and Beiyuan was his second. The horses were rested and well-behaved and so the two had time to kill during a comfortable drive through the endless rice fields. "How did you get that information? This woman, I don't even know her name."

"But her speciality is truly special. Very few if any at all can or have boasted to be able to do such spiritual healings."

Beiyuan nodded in thought. "It must be one of your informants, then? From the old days?"

Zishu said nothing. Beiyuan understood that names and identities were precious in the assassination business.

As they drove, Wen Kexing slept in the carriage along with Wu Xi to look after him. Zishu had at first thought to drive with Kexing at his side, but Kexing was too drained to be able to sit up front, so Zishu joined him in the back, but Kexing soon fell asleep, so Zishu went back out again for air and to relieve the other driver. This, too, was going to take time to get used to—Kexing's flirtatious and energetic nature was now depleted and fickle. Zishu's chest constricted. How much of the time they had together would Kexing spend sleeping and resting without being able to utter a word?

Zishu was preoccupied with such thoughts until he heard a familiar voice. It was Changling. "Master," he said from atop his white-pocked horse that galloped by the driver's side of the carriage. "Have you ever raced on a horse?"

Zishu shook his head. "Such useless thoughts my disciple has..."

Suddenly the carriage window banged open against the wood and Kexing stuck his head out. He was smirking. Zishu was not looking forward to hearing what he had to say. "I have. What, are you up for it?"

Chengling's eyes turned into a complex expression and Zishu interjected to stop a catastrophe. He said, "Is my disciple a coward?"

Chengling spattered, "N-no, Master!"

Kexing rejoiced at the words with a clap. "Excellent!"

Zishu couldn't imagine Kexing's face when even Chengling would be too afraid to play with him anymore for fear of hurting him. No. Horse racing was a foolish idea and he was going to have words with his foolish disciple later, but right now Kexing must be made to feel normal and loved.

Zishu turned his head up front and in a dry voice warned, "Just don't bring horses to the keel."

Kexing rode his black beauty of a horse with shiny smooth skin and hair almost as soft as Kexing's, but equally as dark. Atop the horse, Kexing's cheeks caught the crimson shine of the setting sun. For the first time since waking, he looked lively and even healthy. He smiled down at Zishu and then pointed at him. In a dramatic voice, he said, "My win, my Lord, will be yours."

"Who are you pretending to be?"

"Ah, A-Xu! Did not your former disciples try to impress you by winning races and bringing you prizes?"

Zishu smiled but forced it into a contemplative face. He pinched his chin and said, "Kissing ass has never been attractive, Lao Wen."

Kexing gave an exaggerated sigh and suppressed a cough. "Well, now you're just making things up. If I win for you, would you refuse it?"

Chengling was getting antsy on his horse, waiting for the race to start. Zishu wanted to say 'I'd never refuse anything you give me, Lao Wen', but the crowd was listening in and he got embarrassed by such obvious words, so he simply said, "Even if I did, you'd insist." Kexing's face turned offended. Zishu finished with, "So I wouldn't bother. I'll accept."

Chengling sat up on his horse. "Oi, Uncle, stop acting like your victory is certain!" Few disciples laughed from their horses at Chengling's offended pout. In the end, Zishu needn't have worried because Kexing won easily. He flew with the black lightning of a horse down the straight path among lush green fields and toward the far mountaintops. His posture was firm and his clutch strong. For a moment, Zishu let his hope run free.

"For you, my friend," Kexing said all puffed up and excited as he galloped back to the carriage. His cheeks matched the nearby cherry tree's swelling buds that lulled under the soft breeze. "Henceforth, all my victories are yours."

Zishu nodded once and thought, And all your losses as well.

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

The town they chose to rest in was a small place situated under a volcanic mountain whose topmost snow had never melted. Voice of merchants and hagglers echoed throughout the narrow cobbled streets as carriages and people passed by each other, carrying their hauls and calling for the children to catch up. In such a chaotic scene, a small garden with a pond and a silver cat that sat atop a stone ledge caught Zishu's eye and he stepped off his horse. He waved to Kexing to follow. The rest of the troupe continued to the small sleeping quarters they had been told about by some passers-by on the road.

"Aish, A-Xu-ah," Kexing whispered next to him. "This garden must be loved. Look how lovely it is."

Zishu looked at Kexing. "It is."

Kexing returned the look and smiled foolishly, scrunching up his face into a grimace. Suddenly he stood straighter and with a serious face said, "Let's explore!" Before Zishu replied, Kexing dashed through the garden gate and disappeared around the corner.

The reason Zishu had decided to stop at this town was not random. Here was where shamans often stopped to rest before going onward to the mountain. This mountain was said to have the strongest spiritual connection to the afterworld and so shamans used it often for picking herbs from the mountain forest for their elixirs or melting snow from the higher regions for the healing waters they used in their ceremonies. It had even become a tradition to make a trek to the top of the mountain at least once a year in the late spring or during summer and thus deepen the connection to the spiritual world. Zishu hoped he'd find people who saw Wu Xi's shaman or remember her at all. Perhaps, some even knew where she was.

"A-Xing," Zishu called. He followed Kexing into the back garden where a bigger pond marked the centre and around it, white plum blossoms swayed upon the wind. The cool spring breeze was a welcomed cure to ever-growing heat. Kexing's hair joined the dance and its long strands entangled with white petals as he smiled at the ground. But, wait, he did not smile at the grass or flower bush, but a cat—the same silver beauty that had just moments before sat atop the stone wall outside the garden. Zishu approached carefully so as to not scare the kitty away.

Kexing said, "She looks young, but her eyes are way too old and knowing…" He took care to crouch tenderly and extend his hand as though accidentally in the general direction of the kitty. The cat herself was unimpressed. Her whiskers twitched, but she moved not a single limb to acknowledge Kexing.

"Oh, my," Zishu said. "Is this creature the first one you'll fail to impress?"

Kexing barely suppressed a laugh. "A-Xu, you say that when you want to tease me, but you've just admitted I've impressed you. You should be more careful with your words."

"I was careful," Zishu said and crouched next to Kexing.

Kexing whipped his head around and gave him a startled look. "Oh!" He turned back around only to melt at the kitty's touch. She pushed her little forehead under Kexing's palm. "She likes attention."

Zishu extended his arm over Kexing's knees towards the kitty. "Then you've found your match. How shall you call her?"

Kexing smirked. "What about Yan?" It was Kexing's human name. When Zishu failed to reply, Kexing clarified, "So you have two of us."

Zishu did not know what to say to that. He pinched Kexing's side. Kexing flinched and the cat jumped away onto a high rock above the pond. "Oi, what was that for?" Kexing exclaimed. His wide black eyes were focused on Zishu.

Zishu narrowed his eyes and took Kexing's cheeks in his hands. "Don't," he said, taking care to use his most dangerous voice. Kexing smiled right away and he knew he failed, but still, he continued, "joke like that. You think I'd just exchange you with a cat?"

Kexing took hold of Zishu's hands that still rested on his cheeks. He grinned. "Nyau, Nyau," he said in imitation of a cat and pinched Zishu's underarm. Using the moment of distraction, he stood and turned away playfully. He must have wanted to run deeper into the garden, but he stumbled. Zishu was there on his feet, right next to his friend to steady him.

"I'm fine," Kexing waved him off.

"What about food?" Zishu proposed.

Kexing nodded and looked at the kitty. "Yan," he said to her, "wanna eat?"

Unbelievably so, the kitty followed the two of them to the nearest restaurant.

At the restaurant, Zishu got to thinking. It seemed to him that Kexing avoided deep conversations. More and more, he turned everything into a joke or simply avoided answering. Whenever Zishu expressed any type of feeling, especially if it concerned Kexing, his friend just brushed it off. What did that mean? Before Kexing had seemed interested in Zishu, he initiated touch between them, he initiated conversations, he even hinted… Could it be that Zishu's mind ran off from him? That his thoughts came to wrong conclusions and now he was blundering into areas Kexing tried to avoid? Was Kexing giving him a secret message that he was not interested?

Fool, Zishu said to himself, he thinks he's dying; he's trying to protect you. Zishu decided to be more upfront with his feelings. Tonight before going through the city to find all the darkest corners where secrets were held in this town; tonight he'd show Kexing how much he meant when he said 'I love you'. If he was rejected even then, he would stop trying to get Kexing in that way and promise to love him in any way Kexing allowed henceforth.

With this plan, Zishu found himself unable to eat. His stomach rumbled with hunger, but his mind whirred thoughts and his body flushed at any thought of what might happen tonight. For the first time since they met, he stole secret glances at Kexing to try to catch him unawares. Incredibly, Kexing was always aware when Zishu watched him. He always turned his head away from the kitty he was petting only to either grin at Zishu or show him his tongue.

"Soup again?" Zishu asked when Kexing refused to eat anything else.

Kexing leaned over the table. "I'll take a portion of cooked rice if you take a portion of walnuts."

Zishu almost gagged. "You're going to force me to eat brains, Lao Wen?"

Kexing lifted his chin like a royal decreeing a servant. He thought he'd won.

Zishu shrugged and said, "All right. Sir?" He called up the waiter in front of Kexing's stunned face. "A portion of walnuts and another portion of cooked rice, extra-large."

"Extra-large?!" Kexing was incredulous. "I couldn't possibly—"

"Portions were not specified. Just accept you lost, Lao Wen, and," he fetched another pair of chopsticks from the clean plate on the table, "you'll need this."

Kexing frowned. "Fine, but—"

"You didn't say my portion had to match yours!"

Chengling joined them after a short time and immediately made friends with "Yan! Ah, what an excellent name, Uncle. Now I'll have two uncles!"

Kexing gave Zishu a winning smile with a lift of an eyebrow. Zishu barked at Chengling to eat like a human and leave the poor animal alone when he was at the dinner table.

"But, Uncle Wen also—"

"Do I hear 'Yes, Master'?" Zishu interrupted.

"Yes, Master," Chengling said and got to eating too quickly for it to be considered polite.

In the siheyuan, their troupe got a whole complex with a courtyard for themselves. Everyone had already eaten and some stayed out to drink, while others came back to rest. Zishu had plans to leave later, but right now he had a room all to himself. It felt wrong to have his room after so many nights spent sleeping together with Kexing by his side. He knocked on his friend's door not long after they had come back from the restaurant. There was no reply.

"Lao Wen?" Zishu called and knocked again. "Lao W—" A crush resounded inside the room. Zishu did not think, he slid the door open with all his might, breaking the lock. They crashed against the wood as Zishu flew into the room and frantically looked around for intruders. But there were none. The darkness of the room was clothed by the warm mellow light of several candles affixed to strategic positions to offer good lighting as well as let the light of tonight's full moon shine through the window. Moonlight lit up a figure in their white under-robes, slouching over the desk, their head bowed and their long black hair closing off their expression like a canopy.

"A-Xing!" Zishu threw himself down next to his friend. He pushed his hair away only to reveal a pool of blood dripping off the edge of the table and soaking into Kexing's white robes.

"I'm sorry, A-Xu," Kexing gasped. "I suppose you were right…"

"Shh," Zishu said. He pulled a kerchief out of his sleeve and wiped Kexing's blood off his lip and chin. "No need to say it, I'm always right," he tried to joke, but it felt forced.

Kexing huffed anyway. He said, "I shouldn't have raced Chengling. You were right."

"What? I said nothing against it."

"I can read your face as clear as poetry, in-between the lines I always know what you're saying, my friend." Kexing looked up.

Zishu helped him sit up. Kexing pushed his hands away and sat on his own. They were turned to each other and too close to call it socially acceptable. Zishu sighed. "All right. I thought it was a dangerous thing to do."

"Then why didn't you just say so? Why do you never just say so? Always these games and plans and—I don't want to be one of your pawns, A-Xu."

Zishu was stunned at his friend's words. "You're not!" He said and pushed away. He got up and started pacing. "Damn it, Kexing," he said, "After all we've been through and you think…this little of me." There was a trace of guilt in Kexing's eyes. "When I say something, I say it because I mean it. Sure, I thought horse racing was dangerous for you, but I also thought you should do it. You're not dead; you're here with me, with Chengling, with Four Seasons' disciples and friends…why act as if you've already…"

Kexing shook his head, his face consternated into a complex expression. "I just…why do you keep," he took a laboured breath and then another one. Slowly, his breathing eased into calm. "You keep acting like me when I've just met you." Kexing looked up at him and before he said another word, Zishu lowered himself next to his friend again. Kexing continued, "You keep…flirting."

"You think that's a strategy?" Before Kexing replied, Zishu said, "Let's say it is. What would it achieve? Think about it. Why would I do this to you now?"

Kexing's lip quirked like they were playing a game of sorts. "You pity me," he said easily, as though he already knew the answer. "You want to give me what I want before I drop dead."

"Wha—"

Kexing hardened his voice, "You force yourself to show me what you know I want to see because how can you refuse me now that I'm dying." Kexing laughed cruelly. He lowered his eyes suddenly and said in a shy voice, "Ah, A-Xu-ah, my friend. I don't need that from you. I just wish you were honest with me. Just give me what you can, not what you feel you must."

"And you'll receive it?"

This reply startled Kexing for he looked up again. His eyes reflected candlelight. "Yes," he said with uncertainty. "I'll receive it."

Zishu's palms were sweaty, so he wiped them against the silk. He licked his lips. Kexing's eyes immediately jumped there and back up. "All this time," Zishu whispered as he neared Kexing's ear. It was easier to say when he was not looking into his friend's eyes. "I thought I was being refused and here you are…suddenly doubting," he leaned further in, "gifts from my heart," he pulled back away only to set his eyes on Kexing's plump lips that now trembled. "to yours."

Before Zishu leaned in, Kexing's lips were on his. Together, they met in the middle and sealed the bond that had been years in the making. The first touch of skin-on-skin was shallow and awkward; the angle was wrong and their noses got in the way. The second attempt was Kexing opening his mouth and Zishu following the movement only to push too far and clink their teeth together. This startled a laugh out of his friend.

Zishu went to pull back.

Kexing clutched at his collar and kept him close. Another kiss was his reply. This time, they both turned their head in the same direction, but then Kexing took the initiative and caressed Zishu's cheek as he turned to the other side. With noses out of the way and their lips slightly crooked and half-opened, the kiss between the two fit like skin. It was cold and wet, and then their tongues touched and Kexing's mouth was warm and tasted of iron.

Suddenly Zishu pulled away. He breathed out, "You're—"

"I'm fine," Kexing said and waited until Zishu decided to touch his lips to his friend's again.

They kissed and they kissed and they kissed. Zishu kept still at first, letting Kexing take the lead, but after a while, he did the same that Kexing had done—he took Kexing's head between his palms and positioned his lips atop Kexing's and he pushed his friend's lips open with his own and he explored his friend's mouth tentatively, tenderly, savouring every moment like it was the last.

To shake off the thoughts of last kisses, Zishu took the initiative to show Kexing he meant it and he moved his right hand down behind Kexing's neck. He drew small circles between Kexing's neck and shoulder. There was a hollow there that his thumb fit right in. He wondered…

Kexing's breath caught in his throat when Zishu kissed that part of Kexing's skin between his neck and shoulder. Since Kexing did not stop him, Zishu did it again, just like he was kissing Kexing's mouth. In truth, Zishu had had to seduce many women and men in his line of business but never had he stumbled upon every step this much because never had he loved to this degree and never had desire consumed him this desperately as in that moment, caressing Kexing's lips with his thumb and kissing Kexing's neck with his tongue.

"A-Xu," Kexing whispered. He sighed and shuddered. "A-ah, yes. Yes, this."

"Uncle?! Master?!" Chengling called from the doorway.

Zishu startled and sat up. He disentangled with Kexing and realized with horror that the door had been opened the whole time. "Disci—" he started, but his voice broke. He cleared his throat.

Chengling shook his hands at the two of them. "Oh, no, it's all right. I'm just going to," and he pulled the door closed with a thump of the broken frame against the wood.

Suddenly, silence. The heat that had built up crawled into the chill of the night.

"You really mean it," Kexing whispered, still clearly dazed from kissing.

"You fool," Zishu said with a smile.

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

Zishu helped Kexing to bed in his room since he had broken the lock on the door to Kexing's bedroom. Kexing was exhausted and fell into immediate sleep as Zishu held his hand. As soon as Kexing's breathing deepened, Zishu went out. His mission was still incomplete.

But was the first part of the night truly a mission? No, Zishu thought and blushed. He had known how kissing felt and he had a suspicion this particular night might end intimately but never had he thought it would feel like this. Suddenly, his chest expanded and his heart pounded into his heels.

Not long after he went out into the dark, Zishu sensed a shadow that was not his own. If someone was following him, it meant that he caught someone's attention and there was always a reason for that. How to find suspicious people in a town you barely know? Go out at night and suspicious people will flock to you.

He let himself be followed for a few more blocks and narrow alleys before he entered a jiudian at the outskirts of the town. String music and an enticing voice enveloped his senses as he entered. It was clear that the place dealt with vices best practised at night—gambling, drinking, and lusting. Not just watching, but freely touching the women and men at display; those who wore red revealing robes and mingled in-between tables were for sale.

Zishu sat cross-legged at a table in the corner that offered the best view of the front door. As to the shadow that had been following him, they would surely enter the premises; it was only a matter of time and method. In such a small town, this place had a high chance of being the one where most secret dealings were done. If so, he and his shadow were bound to have an illuminating conversation.

After his wine was brought, a person in red approached. Seductively, under a veil of some sort, they crept toward him in unhurried elegance. Zishu judged them to be a man. He wondered at how accurately the patron of the jiundian predicted his tastes.

Zishu brought his lips to the man's ear and said, "I'm afraid I'm a different kind of addict." The music went on and the person's voice—man's or woman's, he couldn't tell—twirled through the air, offering privacy to conversations at every table.

"Oh, yes?" the man whispered back. Zishu recognized the scent of his breath. "And what kind of addict are you?"

Zishu didn't like being played with, so he decided to play along to win the game. He said, "I like surprises and you look like seen before."

The man huffed under the veil and extracted a pale hand under his sleeve. He traced his fingers along Zishu's hand and into his sleeve. The man's silks were as red as sin. "Let me," the man leaned in, "surprise you, then." He suddenly pulled back, took something small out of his sleeve pocket and pushed it between Zishu's slack lips.

Zishu cracked the walnut with his teeth reflexively before spitting it into his cup of wine. That had been an unfortunate accident since he lost the only thing with which he could cleanse his mouth of the foul thing.

The man clapped in delight.

Zishu greeted, "Kexing."

"Ah, are you not happy to see your friend, A-Xu?" Kexing asked as he lifted the veil just enough to smirk at Zishu before letting it drop down again.

"What are you doing here?"

"Testing your integrity, of course. You'd cheat so easily...I'm disappointed." Kexing's tone was faux-sad as his voice carried too much amusement to be believable.

Zishu let his eyes wander around the lively place. Men and those who dressed like men drank while women and those who dressed like women entertained. The air was heavy with incense to cover the sweat and alcohol. Zishu had known Kexing as soon as he recognized the medicine in his friend's breath. What game was Kexing playing? He said, "I said you were seen before." If Kexing wanted to play, this time Zishu would follow his lead.

Kexing leaned in. "So you kiss and leave?" Pouting was heard in his voice. Like a curled plum blossom branch, he sat to the side with the toes of one leg sticking out teasingly.

When he noticed, Zishu almost jumped to cover Kexing's leg. The thought of Kexing bare beneath his thin silks in such a place left Zishu strangely protective. Protective of Kexing's skin, of his eyes, of his long black hair, of his laughs and his words and his regard. But he reeled himself in and showed no indication of affront at Kexing's state. He said, "And you kiss and go."

"Go where?"

"To another one."

Kexing approached closer, almost sitting on Zishu's lap. He said, "You mean this," he touched Zishu's cheekbone, "another one?"

Zishu turned to look at his friend beneath the veil. He lifted the veil and covered both their heads with it. They shared one breath underneath. Kexing's eyes were alert. He must not have been as tired as he had pretended. "Who's playing games now?"

Kexing's face was serene in the semi-dark, under the covers of the veil. He leaned in. Zishu thought he was going for a kiss, but Kexing licked the length of Zishu's lower lip. Zishu recoiled from surprise, but Kexing held him close under the veil. He said, "Not playing against you, friend."

Zishu's breath became heavier as though he'd just come back from a heavy practice. "You said you didn't want to be a pawn."

"If this is mah-jong, let me be your advisor and we'll make the rest of them our pawns. I just want to be your equal, A-Xu-ah. Don't exclude me." Kexing pecked Zishu's lips gently with his own. "Don't keep me in the dark." He kissed Zishu's chin. "Don't treat me as an assignment." He pressed a gentle kiss to Zishu's eyelid, "And," he kissed the other eyelid as his hand pushed further up Zishu's sleeve, "let me be the card up your sleeve."

"I thought we were playing mah-jong."

"If we were, we'd both cheat."

"With cards? I don't think that'd go unnoticed—"

Kexing shut him up with another peck on the lips. "I lo—" Suddenly, he widened his eyes and shut his mouth.

"What?" Zishu asked. "Are you all right?"

Kexing cleared his throat. "We've been under this veil for too long. People will wonder..."

Zishu remembered why he had entered this jiundian in the first place and retreated from underneath the veil. The one who had followed Zishu might approach, but only if he was unoccupied.

Kexing leaned in and whispered, "A man followed you here."

"How do you—," Zishu stopped and sighed. "You followed me and noticed someone else did the same. Of course."

Kexing's voice was bright, "See? Mutual aid."

"I thought it was a woman. The steps were light."

Kexing leaned into him and snuggled his head onto his shoulder. He started playing with Zishu's collar and tracing golden-thread patterns on his robes. "You've changed into your Lord's robes."

"Focus."

Kexing sat up and said, "He wore man's robes but I suppose there are many women here dressed like men, enjoying other women's company..."

Zishu nodded. The person could already be watching him. He turned to Kexing who was fixing his red robes. He took his friend's chin and lifted his veiled face to his own. "Let's get a room," he said in a clear voice so that any person might have read it off his lips. Kexing stilled before he took Zishu's hand and let himself be lifted. In the room, they decided to remain in the dark and wait.

"That would be too obvious," Zishu replied to Kexing's suggestion to pretend to have sex by doing obscene voices to sell their role-play of a horny customer and a delicious courtesan.

"Ah, you never want to do anything fun, A-Xu," Kexing whined.

Truly, Zishu was happy to see Kexing so lively, but "If I'm going to pretend to sleep with someone, I'm going to pretend realistically. I don't make obscene sounds when I—"

"My poor friend!" Kexing exclaimed and clutched at Zishu's shoulder. They sat in the farthest corner, opposite the bed where the enemy would strike first. "Then you've never known true pleasure. How sad."

Zishu shushed him.

Kexing continued in a whisper, "Don't worry, you have me now."

Zishu almost blurted out something stupid like, Your heart can't take such a strain, but he reined in his thoughtless words and one more time shushed his friend. This time it worked and they waited in silence with Kexing's hand hot on his shoulder. It wasn't long before the window slowly slid open and a shadow jumped into a crouch inside the room.

A woman; strong, taller than average, balanced and capable. The two waited for what she'd do. Opposite from what Zishu thought, she did not go to bed with malicious intent, she only stood and waited. After a while, it was clear the couple was not on the bed. The woman's shape was black against the moonlight as she said into the darkness, "You've been looking for me."

Zishu moved forward silently and crouched in front of Kexing. He said, "Yet you're the one intruding on my evening."

The woman huffed. "You're the one intruding on my town."

"Arrogant words. Does any town belong to one person?"

The woman's shadow changed position, following the voice from the darkness. She said, "This one does. I built it up and I support it. Without me as its patron, this here would be dust and death."

"Who are you?" Zishu asked. Was it her, the shaman? Were they so lucky as to find her already?

"I already said, the one you're seeking," she said haughtily. "I'm Chu Hua and spirits are my friends. I sense," she paused, "death in this room. You came to me to heal you, didn't you?"

Zishu halted his gasp. He said, "I came to you for healing, yes. It's the matter of the heart."

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

The candles were lit up, the cushions spread out around the table, and tea was set to brew. Zishu and the mysterious woman by the name of Chu Hua sat around the table in the room Zishu paid for the night. Kexing lay by Zishu, his robes opened at the chest and his chest covered by leaves of an unnamed plant that the woman positioned onto his skin.

As they waited for the leaves to reveal Kexing's fate, Zishu asked, "Does it have to be the mountain?"

Chu Hua sighed as though many asked the same. She said, "It's the highest peak in this area. For many generations now we have had incredible spiritual sightings and unbelievable events happen to us there due to the thin veil between the worlds."

"The surface and the underground," Zishu mumbled. "It's possible to cross?"

"Not for the living," she said and looked down at Kexing. "What do you sense?"

Kexing opened his eyes. He hummed and looked at Zishu as though they were sharing an inside joke. This time, Zishu was not in on it. Kexing said, "I sense jasmine, but that's the tea. I also sense chrysanthemums, but that's Miss Chu Hua. I sense…" Suddenly Kexing's face contorted in pain.

Zishu's hand flew to Kexing's hair. He snapped at Chu Hua, "What did you do?"

She said. "It's taking effect."

"What—" Zishu was cut off by Kexing's coughing.

Kexing whispered, "Pain. Burning…inside…ah."

"Lao Wen," Zishu called to his friend, but his friend failed to respond.

"It's the truth leaves I've given him," Chu Hua said, her voice even and calm. She had seen it all before. "Patients lie about their state constantly yet they're the best judges of it. The sure way to know is to ask them and make them answer honestly. It looks like your friend is in constant pain, but he's hiding it. His heart is…dying."

"I know that!" Zishu snapped. He wanted to remove her from the room, he wanted to un-know her, to un-see her, to go back and stop her from ever touching Kexing's skin. "But he was well before you—" Zishu picked leaf by leaf and removed them from Kexing's skin.

Chu Hua picked up one of the leaves and observed it, pretending nonchalance. "As I said, he has to go to the mountain on the day of the new moon. The veil is thinnest then and the spirits will tell me of his fate."

"And of the cure?"

"He has no time to wait and the new moon's in three days. I'll see you at sunrise at the foot of the mountain. Be prepared to travel hard and long, across snow and wind. The cave we seek is under the highest peak of the mountain and it takes two days to reach it. For your friend, it'll take double that."

Zishu's mouth tensed, but he remained quiet. After the woman sneaked back out through the window, he carefully covered Kexing's exposed skin and tightened his robe around him. He caressed his friend's cheek. Kexing came to himself with a deep, rattling breath. His voice croaked as he said, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?" Zishu helped Kexing rise to a sitting position.

Kexing entangled their hands. "For asking you not to lie to me and then doing the same."

Zishu nodded once. To Kexing, all was forgiven. He said, "Did you hear what the shaman said?"

"No, but I surmise we are to climb a mountain?" At Zishu's expression, Kexing barked out a small laugh. "When do we leave?"

Zishu explained it all to Kexing as they walked back to their sleeping quarters and the Five Season's disciples that accompanied them. Before they entered the premises, Zishu stopped Kexing who had been unusually quiet on their walk. He peered into Kexing's eyes, searching for something even he could not explain. He slowly positioned his open palm across Kexing's heart. Ah, he saw it then—the aborted flinch. The shaman was right, Kexing was in pain that did not go away. The fact he talked and walked did not mean he did not hurt. "Tell me," Zishu said, "of how much it hurts."

Kexing looked away. "A-Xu-ah—"

Zishu led his friend's face back up by the chin. "Tell me and let me carry your burdens alongside you."

"A-Xu—"

"If you wish to see me on my knees, I will go."

Kexing clutched at Zishu's sleeve. "No!" He exclaimed hurriedly. "Don't do that. If I tell you…will you promise to hide the pity? I cannot bear to see you look at me like I'm expiring. If we can, I want us to pretend a little while longer."

Zishu pulled Kexing by his shoulders into a tender hug. "No more pretending, A-Xing. Please." He pulled away, but remained closer than before, peering into Kexing's vulnerable expression. He wanted to say he loved him, but for fear of not being believed, he opted for silence. He hoped his vulnerability glittered under the starry night. He hoped his expression matched Kexing's and that his friend would recognize it.

Finally, Kexing nodded and said, "I will tell you. As we traverse that mountain and crawl over hitches, I will tell you all; all that hurts, I'll let you have it. I promise."

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

For the sake of travelling faster, the group split into two. Those who stayed in the small town, lurking for new gossip about the shaman and her business, and those who accompanied Zishu and Kexing onto the mountain. The second group consisted of Zhengling, who had jumped up first to say he was going with them to see the mountain spirits, Wu Xi, Jing Beiyuan, and Chu Hua, the shaman who already waited for them underneath a tree of cherries at the foot of the mountain at dawn. The sun barely protruded over the faraway mountain peaks, but it was already proving to be strong.

"The heat's going to slow us down," Chu Hua said as a way of greeting. She was a business and utility rather than a person. As a shaman, this seemed a rather odd choice of personality, but as she fixed her many-pocketed bag higher on her back and tied her sleeves up to her shoulders, she proved to be a true task-oriented person rather than a cheat who wore many personalities like cloaks.

Still, Zishu did not trust her much. She walked like a spy and he would know because he was a spy himself. The group grumbled when they set out up the mountain. Soon, their pace matched each other and they found some ease in walking without needing to think too much about what came next. Their grumbling stopped. After a time, Wen Kexing stumbled over roots and rocks so much that they had to stop.

"Four days, I said," the shaman mumbled unhelpfully. If it was going to take them four days to the top, it would be too late. They had to hurry and make it on the night of the new moon which was in three days because only then would the spirits that descended to the mountain be heard through the veil; only then would this whole journey finally offer some concrete advice on how to save his friend's heart.

"Is it true," Zishu said as the five of them sat on various rocks and drank water in the shade of a big oak. "that you prescribe love to heal injuries?"

"Hah!" Chu Hua huffed. "I knew I recognized you!" She said to Wu Xi. "You told him about me, didn't you, friend? Why have you been a stranger all morning?"

Wu Xi looked down at his hands. "I am sorry, Senior." Zishu was surprised by this, but not shocked. Wu Xi had to learn his skills from someone and to have other students alongside him was nothing strange. But what was strange was the fact Wu Xi could not recall his own Senior's name. Before Zishu could ask, Wu Xi said to him: "In our line of education, we never share names nor backgrounds, only half-veiled faces and words. I couldn't describe my Senior's looks, but I knew her voice as soon as I heard it."

"And I knew you," Chu Hua said to Wu Xi, "as soon as I heard whispers about prescriptions of love from this guy." She nodded at Zushi. "You were always the most fascinated by that aspect of my skill and later when I became famous for that I wondered whether my old acquaintance would hear of it and seek me out."

"I tried," Wu Xi said, "but life came along."

Chu Hua smiled knowingly. Her skin was young, but her eyes held centuries.

Kexing suddenly spoke up. "So you are," he turned to Chu Hua, "the only shaman who deals in such healing? No other has ever attempted what you do?"

She nodded. "That is correct."

"How so?" Zishu asked. If all it took was to climb this mountain at a certain time, surely it was not beyond the skill of other disciples.

Chu Hua, however, did not reply. She smiled mysteriously and got up. "Time to climb."

Chengling let out a whine, but Zishu had no spirit to scold him. He helped Kexing up and the two of them took up the rear of the group as the ground became steeper and steeper.

By nighttime, just as they prepared to stop and rest for a few hours, they stumbled upon a wooden temple in a small valley surrounded by half-melted snow. The higher they went, the colder it became. After a whole day of climbing under the scorching sun—for not many trees adorned the rocky ground—the change to another season took a toll on their bodies. The temple was small and shabby, but the row of lanterns shining subdued light told of the living inhabiting the space. Or perhaps those that merely took traits of the living, but were not one of them.

Before they could decide what to do, Kexing pulled his boots off and gracefully strode across the wooden planks to the sliding door. His silent thump-thump-thump of footsteps resounded among the quiet night birds' chirps and the crickets' songs. Before Zishu could warn Kexing to be careful, his friend pushed his head into the room, gazing into the space the rest of the group could not see. After a breath held, Kexing turned to them with a grin and said that the floor was warm. This was enough to catapult Chengling next to Kexing and the two dashed into the room, others following.

Zishu was suspicious of the fact the shaman did not say a word about the temple. He did not trust her and he did not trust this too-convenient set-up in the middle of the valley. Whatever it was, ghosts and demons were more likely than humans. Chu Hua's face was neutral, though, and Zishu could not discern anything more from her expression.

Inside the temple, the room was indeed warm. The wooden planks were heated up and the floor mats were set up with covers and richly thick blankets. To make matters more unbelievable, a tea set stood in the middle, on a low table, smoking hot mist as the water seeped the leaves; the scent of jasmine protruded from the room. Besides the set, Chengling already nibbled on walnuts that smelled of melted sugar. Before he could take another bite, Zishu slapped his hand away from his mouth. He said, "Foolish disciple! If this were Ghost Realm, you'd be one of them now."

This scared Chengling so much that he immediately retreated to a corner futon and hid under blankets. Kexing snorted behind Zishu, sitting wrapped in blankets in his corner of the room, next to the windows. Zishu picked up his own set of blankets and sat next to his friend. With one elbow propped up, he looked out the window at the line of trees behind the temple. Snow covered the branches and they glittered from the lanterns that adorned the eaves. Inside the room, a few candles offered orange gleam and a set of incense sticks burned slowly into the clouds of gently scented lavender.

Zishu pulled another blanket and wrapped Kexing's front where his blanket failed to reach. He took the time to observe Kexing's pale cheeks and small drops of perspiration above his brow. Fever. "Drink this," Zishu said and offered him the tea they had brought with them onto the mountain.

Kexing took a sip and said, "This is not the ghosts."

"Not humans either."

"No," Kexing agreed.

A commotion in the centre of the room distracted Zishu. Beiyuan shouted at Chu Hua as she remained impassive, her hands crossed and back straight. Zishu stood and approached the scene just as Beiyuan said, "You won't tell us. To my friend, the well-being of a person is always first place, but you," he pointed at her. "You cheat and you lie and now you've got us in this trap—"

Zishu plopped down next to the two of them. "Quiet down. We don't know if it's a trap."

Before Beiyuan could retort, Wu Xi sat next to Zishu and nodded. He said, "Spirits are not ghosts and they may entrap as often as they may help. I think since this is a sacred mountain, this temple, too, is somehow sacred. Let's accept our luck and rest while there's time. Tomorrow we wake before the sun."

Chu Hua uncrossed her arms. She retreated in silence, chose a futon, and buried herself under many blankets.

After the hubbub, Zishu returned to Kexing who was already breathing deeply in sleep. Careful not to wake him, Zishu wrapped himself in blankets and sat down next to his friend. From the other end of the room, Beiyuan said, "Go to sleep, friend. I'll take the first watch." Zishu nodded and placed his hand on Kexing's forehead. Hot as coals. He pulled a cloth out of his sleeve and since it was already cold from the outside, he simply placed it on Kexing's forehead. Kexing stirred and mumbled something unintelligible. Zishu lay down and turned toward his friend's sleeping countenance. At that moment, Kexing was a sleeping prince, his neck swan-like, his face a lily floating stop the marshes that were the blankets in colours of the deep river blue. How like a painting he was, of a soulmate long gone.

At midnight, strange things started to happen. First, it sounded like wood hitting stone. Giggling echoed throughout vast chambers that were not there. A string on an instrument unseen. Chu Hua started packing up her things and the rest followed. Zishu roused Kexing and helped him pack his blanket back into the small bag he carried with him at all times filled with essentials like water, some bread and nuts, as well as rope and a small dagger.

"They're gone!" Chengling exclaimed among the pattering sounds of strange creatures and instruments. "The door, they're gone. How can that be?"

"It's the trickster spirits," Chu Hua said and frowned. "They must want something."

Zishu opened the closest window only to reveal that the view of the landscape outside was a painting. The windows had also gone. "We have no time for this. What do they want?"

Kexing's soft voice breached their squabbling of the others as he said, "They want a reply."

"Should we speak to them?" Zishu asked.

Wu Xi pulled at Zishu's sleeve and whispered urgently, "He's already half-there, my friend. We need to take him to the top swiftly. These trickster spirits, they're terrible conversation partners."

Just then, a screeching sound jolted the group into silence. Out of the depths, a flute whispered over the commotion of the spirits. The spirits quieted down as the flute insisted on playing. In the middle of the room, on a cushion of crimson red, Wen Kexing sat and played his instrument like a god. Half-closed eyes and a straight spine, his long coal-black hair fell like a waterfall down his back into a dark pond on the floor around him. His green robes were the forest. He was the world.

And his music, it was life.

After the melody that entranced the audience—the spirits and the humans alike—Kexing stood, hid the flute inside his sleeve again, and told them decisively that it was time to go. Indeed, Kexing's fever was gone and the door slid open of their own volition to let them out. No spirit was heard again for many hours as they travelled during the night. Once the sun hit the peak and twelve hard hours had passed, they ate after which they rested. Talking was scarce and Zishu had time to think.

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

After they had encountered the trickster spirits and Kexing's fever broke, Kexing became more animated. He walked with a light step and from time to time stopped to delight in an especially pretty leaf or to hear a gentle song of a lost warbler.

"If I remembered to bring paper," Kexing said, "I'd be writing poetry."

Kexing was so enamoured with the curious melting of the seasons upon the mountain that he forgot all about eating or drinking, all about the rest of the group, and all about his condition. Often, Zishu reminded him to take a sip of tea or take a seat on a log.

On the third twilight, they reached the top of the mountain. The moon was yet to appear upon the sky, and the spirits yet to descend and play. The blue valley appeared before them, the shade of midnight and wonder. Amid the snowy peak, spring was the king of the valley and the bluebells and lavender swayed under the curious breeze. The dark blue clouds danced upon the surface of a nearby lake. Over the water, fireflies fluttered in patterns of whirlpools and their reflections in the water doubled the shiny vision. Indeed, the place looked like it was run by spirits and gods.

Zishu turned to Kexing, but Kexing pushed his finger onto Zishu's lips and whispered, "Do not ask me if I'm well. Is that all you know to say to me these days?"

Zishu gently took Kexing's writs and removed his hand from his mouth. His friend was right. In the past day, Zishu had felt himself pull away because every time he spoke to Kexing or looked at him, his friend became a vision of a dead man. He could not bear it, but such behaviour was selfish and unfair to his friend.

"A-Xu," Kexing caressed Zishu's face. "Come."

Kexing led Zishu away from the others, behind some trees and farther still across the valley until they reached an opening. Surrounded by vines and barks of plum, white petals laid the ground like snow. Kexing wore a dark red robe, less crimson of blood and more copper of autumn tree tops.

Zishu sat next to his friend on the ground. Kexing whined, "Look at me, A-Xu! I am a withered leaf among the lovely spring bloom. This is why I needed all my robes with me so I could dress accordingly."

"Lao Wen," Zishu said and turned toward his friend, "I must admit something."

"If it's not that you somehow have all my robes with you right now, I don't want to know."

Zishu smiled. Kexing smiled back. Zishu said, "I have brought them all. Right now, they're resting in a chest at the foot of the mountain. When we get back down, you can wear anything you wish."

Kexing's eyes sparkled. "Truly? You've brought them all?"

"Truly."

Kexing broke eye contact and bowed his head. "Even so, I don't make a pretty picture inside these robes I'm wearing." Saying this, Kexing took hold of his collar and slipped his robes over his left shoulder, baring it.

"Kexing," Zishu said, his heart suddenly wild. They were in a private place, cut off from the others, and Kexing was stripping. Zishu warned, "It's cold, too cold."

Kexing finally looked up and gave Zishu a flirtatious look. "You could warm me up."

Zishu dared himself to touch Kexing's bare shoulder and slide his hand down Kexing's pale skin until he brushed against Kexing's robe. A momentary decision, but Zishu let his hand keep travelling down Kexing's arm as he pulled his friend's robe down alongside it. Kexing let the other side of his robe fall off his shoulder and the whole upper part pulled around his waist. He lifted onto his knees and gave Zishu a look that said 'Strip me whole.'

A dare. An invitation. A plead.

Zishu lifted onto his knees and cupped Kexing's cheeks. Kexing was a picture of loveliness. His skin was smooth, his hair a frame of black that accentuated his pale and sweetly tender face. It made such a contrast to Kexing's previous teasing and flirtatiously sinful looks. Right now, Kexing exuded openness and trust. He was like a prince lost in a forest, grateful to be found, willing to thank his saviour.

Zishu thought about the fact that Kexing had saved him as well and if Kexing was a lost prince then so was Zishu. Together, they both had many things for which to thank each other. Zishu said, "Allow me," and he slid his hands down Kexing's throat, touching his Adam's apple, then lower still over his white inner robe and Kexing's chest upon which he touched with a hitch and a tender look into Kexing's deep, black eyes. To get lost in those two black seas would be no shame.

Zishu opened Kexing's outer robe and let it fall around them. Next, he pulled at the sash that kept Kexing's inner robe together and pulled at it excruciatingly slow in case Kexing wished to stop. Kexing kept staring and Zishu wanted to look at what he was about to reveal, but his eyes were like moths around the fire that was Kexing's eyes. Finally, he untied the sash whole and the white robe fell half open. Kexing inhaled. "It is cold," he whispered.

"Let me," Zishu said and quickly closed Kexing's inner robe around him.

Kexing shook his head gently. "No, darling," he said and the word 'darling' made Zishu still. "You should give me your robe to warm me up. Is that not what gentlemen do?"

Zishu found himself nodding. Yes, his friend was right. It was exactly what gentlemen did. "I'm no gentleman, though," Zishu whispered back. He pulled at his robe quickly and not at all too gently. Before he knew it, his outer robe joined Kexing's own on the ground. "But I'll warm you up."

Zishu opened his inner robe and before Kexing or he could look down between them he hugged his friend. It was a tender hug filled with warmth and love. Know what I feel for you, Zishu willed his friend.

"Zishu," Kexing said, "Touch me."

This was the piece of sand to start the avalanche. Zishu released his right hand and pushed it between their two bodies. Still tight together, Zishu found space to crawl into Kexing's robe and along his belly in search of lower parts, of nether regions, where Kexing's most private treasure hid. Zishu felt Kexing's hitched breath against his ear as he touched Kexing with his fingertips. He said, "A-Xing, I want you. I need you. I was never a gentleman, though. I want you not as a lotus floats upon the waters of the Buddha's land, but as a man wants a man. Will you let me want you? Can I—want you?"

Kexing's hands clutched at Zishu's collar even more strongly. He sighed accent, then he sighed again. It was relief.

Zishu took charge. He took Kexing under his arms and pushed him into the soft grass. Kexing let go and Zishu knew that his friend had had to clutch at control all his life and to let it go so completely meant the ultimate trust. Zishu did not plan to disappoint. He lowered his weight atop his elbows above Kexing. Their opened robes let their skin touch. Belly against belly, thigh against thigh. Zishu walked his fingertips against Kexing's graceful neck. Slowly he grasped Kexing's whole neck with his hand but did not push. He looked into Kexing's face to judge his reaction.

It was divine.

Kexing's face was flushed deep red, his lips a darker shade, and his eyes like spilt ink, devouring all light. Zishu felt himself harden against Kexing. "I'll take care of you," Zishu said. He pushed his thumb into Kexing's thick lips and inside his mouth, against his tongue. He wanted to try every erotic thing he had encountered in cheap novels of the merchants in big towns. These hidden scrolls were all the rage and Zishu enjoyed them often, in secret. The scrolls held many stories about male actors doubling as private entertainers for rich patrons. The scenes in such novels were obscene and explicit, and the young actors were always described as pretty as the moon, but looking at Kexing now, Zishu knew he had the prettiest lover. The desire rose within Zishu to possess this body, to enter it, to ravish it completely, to make this body and his own into one being.

He pulled his thumb out of Kexing's mouth and squeezed harder around Kexing's throat as he leaned down and pushed his lips against Kexing's. He opened Kexing's mouth with his own, pushed his lips in, he evoked a sweet moan out of his lover.

Zishu got aroused even more thinking of Kexing as his lover. He pushed one of Kexing's hands over Kexing's head and held it in place. He kissed Kexing's lips and corners of his lips, his chin and releasing his neck, he kissed the neck. He licked at Kexing's skin there, he sucked at it, he enjoyed Kexing's subdued sighs and almost-moans. He even bit at the tender skin once and evinced Kexing to inhale sharply and squeeze Zishu's shoulder blade.

Zishu pulled away to peer into his lover's face; Kexing looked up at him in pleasure. Zishu continued. He let go of Kexing's arm and touched his soft, black hair. He went through Kexing's hair as he kissed each of Kexing's eyelids. Then he kissed Kexing's lips again. He suckled at them and played with them as Kexing lay below him and let him. Something about Kexing's absolute submission made Zishu want to take his time and explore him completely.

Slowly, oh so slowly, Zishu let his hand travel down. He sat back up and pulled Kexing's legs around him before falling back down. Zishu wet his fingers against Kexing's and his juices before pushing a finger into Kexing's hole. Kexing's eyes widened as he drew a sharp inhale.

"Ah!" Kexing said. Zishu kissed him again as he pushed his finger gently into Kexing. He picked up his pace as they licked each other's mouths and soon he pushed the second finger into Kexing, a bit more roughly, in and out, in and out, in and out.

He bent Kexing's legs and knees even more so he could reach better. Kexing was completely splayed beneath him, stretched out and bound by Zishu's own body. Zishu added another finger and pushed into Kexing.

"A-ah!" Kexing let out again. "A-Xu, A-Xu-ah!"

"I want you, darling," Zishu said, calling Kexing as Kexing had called him moments before.

Kexing smiled sweetly between the heat and the arousal. "Yes," he said weakly, lost in pleasure. "So long waited to hear you say it," he exhaled quickly before drawing in another sharp breath.

Zishu pulled out his fingers and took hold of himself. In the hidden part that they were blinded to but acutely felt, the two lovers touched. Zishu positioned himself against Kexing's opened hole. It was still small and tight, but Zishu pushed himself in. Slowly at first, he leaned his weight atop Kexing and clutched at Kexing's shoulder.

Kexing let out a sound of labour. "So big," he said.

Zishu hardened even more at those words. This time he pushed harder and slid himself completely inside Kexing. Kexing let out a shriek. Kexing's breathing was shallow and heavy. His brow was sweaty, his lips parted, and his chest heaving under Zishu's weight.

Zishu started moving. He built up to it quickly and then started pounding into Kexing, not being able to wait any longer. All the while, he watched Kexing's expression which did not change. Kexing did not look away. He kept breathing fast. Now and then, he let out an "uh" or an "ah" or an "eck." Kexing's whole body shook under Zishu's weight as he went in and out of him. Zishu felt surrounded by Kexing's body and it was almost too much to bear. This had never felt so good with anyone before Kexing. Zishu went wild. He lost his focus as he moved in and out, in and out, in and out. His muscles started to burn, but he did not lose pace. He positioned his arms under Kexing's knees and pushed Kexing down even more as he found an even better angle. Not believing it to be possible, he did find a position where he managed to push even more of himself into Kexing.

"A-Xu," Kexing breathed out unevenly. His head bobbed up and down as Zishu rammed into him. Kexing's hair stirred under the movement. A beautiful sight. His lover embraced him harder, clutching at his back, neck and hair. Kexing's strong legs tightened around his body.

Finally, Zishu released his head next to Kexing's sweaty forehead, his chin against Kexing's ear, as he sped up his process and used this new angle to drive into Kexing even harder. Kexing's hand went to his own body and he started to pleasure himself. After a few more thrusts, Zishu filled his lover's hole with his liquids. Afterwards, he let himself enjoy Kexing's warmth for a little while longer as he helped Kexing come with his hand atop Kexing's own. He kissed Kexing violently, crazily, like a beast or a man mad from lust and pleasure. Kexing kissed back tenderly as he spilt over their bodies. Zishu pulled out slowly and lay next to his lover's sweaty brow.

Kexing looked at the sky expressionlessly, calmly, and at peace. Zishu followed his gaze and saw—a blizzard of white petals above them, commemorating the joining of two lovers upon a sacred mountain.

After a while, Zishu said, "If I say I love you now, would you believe me I've carried this feeling inside me longer than the moment we lay together? Would you believe me that all I feel for you was borne before you let your body be mine? If I said I'd die for you, would you accept it as a man's word to his friend and not as a lover's word to his companion who has just submitted to him completely?" Zishu turned his head to look at Kexing's startled expression. He lifted onto his elbow. "Because I do love you, beloved, for a long time now. You think it a pity, but how can I do all I've done for you out of pity? No pity can rival love and love is what my chest burns with whenever I look at you."

Kexing stared for a long time until even his blush turned pale. Finally, once all the petals fell from the sky and settled onto Kexing's black hair, his lover said, "I've never taken you for a poet, A-Xu-ah." He smiled, but a soft sigh sobered his expression. "And I've never given myself so completely to anyone before. So. I love you, too. I've loved you before you loved me, I think."

"Let's not make this a competition," Zishu said but his smile turned into a frown. He caressed Kexing's cheek. "You've never let anyone in like this?"

In reply, Kexing shook his head.

Zishu asked, "Was it not painful?"

Kexing sat up and pulled him into a hug. He knew that sometimes things were easier said when the person did not look at you. Kexing whispered into his ear, "It did, a little. I liked that it was you who did it, Lao Zi. Even the pain is sweet with you."

Zishu hugged Kexing tightly. "I'm sorry, my friend. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You did not," Kexing said. "Next time," he added almost reluctantly, "let's try something more tender. Perhaps I do prefer lotus upon heaven's lake."

He caressed Kexing's hair filled with white plum petals. "Anything."

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

Once they were dressed, Kexing and he followed the path back to the others. The moon had just revealed itself behind a dark cloud.

"Is the ceremony ready?" Zishu asked. He had no idea what they were to expect from the spirits.

"It's already done," Chu Hua said.

Zishu did not like her mysterious nature. She continued, "Were you not led by the spirits into the centre of the valley under the oldest plum tree where you copulated?"

Such words from her mouth sugar-coated nothing. Zishu kept his face blank and so did Kexing. Both had training in hiding their emotions. So the spirit ceremony had all along been of a sexual nature? Was that why many shamans did not deal in such healing?

Zishu turned to Kexing. "Your heart—"

All the time when he laid atop his friend and ravished him so violently, he did not think of his friend's sickly state! It did not even occur to him to—

"I feel energized like never before," Kexing said. "I…did not think of my sickness not once while we—Ah."

Beiyuan and Wu Xi looked away in the pretence of privacy. Chu Hua clapped her hands. "Well, it's time to descend the mountain."

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

Once they were back in town, Kexing chose the most wonderful robe of apricot and even Zishu let himself be talked into buying a new robe to match his lover's colours. Together, they were spring and rebirth and life.

And love.

They stayed in their rooms for a long time after the trip, making love as tender as a lone petal of a lotus flower carried along the stream of fresh river water of heaven-land.

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉