Chapter Text
Dear Jimin and Yoongi,
Before you ask:
Yes, you’re locked into Yoongi’s studio
No, I won’t let you out anytime soon
It has come to my attention that Jimin wants a song written by Yoongi, has asked for years even, and, even if Yoongi apparently shares the same interest, pestering me about wanting to write a song for Jimin, he hasn’t done so yet
So, since I’m the best hyung in the whole wide world, I came up with a brilliant idea to help you guys with your little problem. It’s quite simple: you guys write and produce a song (which I want proof of in the form of a demo in our group chat) and I’ll let you out, otherwise, you’re stuck inside the studio together
p.s. the guys are in on this and won’t let you out either
p.p.s. there’s no need to beg you know I don’t fall for cheap tricks like that
HAPPY SONGWRITING!!
-Your favourite hyung
.
Jimin should have expected it. That morning, when Seokjin came to him, talking about Yoongi needing him for some background vocals in his studio, Jimin should have suspected something, he should have wondered why Yoongi didn’t ask himself, he should have wondered why Seokjin was insisting on accompanying him to the studio.
But the truth is that Jimin has been too tired this past week to wonder about anything, so he just said yes, let Seokjin walk him right into Yoongi’s studio, watching the perplexed expression on his face when Jimin said he was here to record some vocals, and looked in horror as a piece of paper slipped through the side of the door before the locked clicked from outside.
He should have seen it coming but he did not, that’s how they ended up in here.
“Fuck, I should have never given the code to hyung.”
Yoongi is sitting on the ground, still holding the napkin with Seokjin’s messy handwriting. He doesn’t look pissed or angry like Jimin would have expected, mostly he just seems resigned, like there’s nothing they can do about Seokjin’s antics besides going along with them.
So many emotions hit Jimin at the same time: on the one hand, he feels guilty, Yoongi was probably working on something important and now he’s stuck with him for god knows how long, maybe if he hadn’t brought up how much he would like a song from Yoongi to Seokjin, especially lately, this wouldn’t have happened, on the other hand, Jimin can’t help but be happy about their predicament, especially if he comes out of this whole thing with a song.
And it’s not like being stuck with the guy he has a crush on is such a negative thing.
They’ve been so busy lately that Jimin hadn’t really had the time to be with Yoongi, to go on their usual drinking dinner dates (or, at least, that’s how Jimin likes to think about their nights together) and he’s been missing him, he’s been missing spending time with him and just generally being around Yoongi, especially the two of them alone.
Maybe he should even thank Seokjin for his crazy ass idea, he chose the perfect moment too, which clues Jimin onto the fact that he had probably been planning this for a long, long, time, they don’t have any schedules for the next few days, finally able to enjoy their first break of the year.
Would he have liked to spend his break in a place with windows? Sure. But it’s not like he would have done much at home anyway, his plans mostly consisting of laying on the couch for hours and scrolling on his phone, maybe watching a drama every now and then, just to trick his brain into thinking he was doing something a little bit productive.
Everything considered, being stuck with Yoongi seems like a better use of his time.
“What do you say, hyung? Should we give this a try? Or were you working on something important?”
There’s a part of him that believes Yoongi is going to tell him no, that he’s just going to call Seokjin and yell at him until he comes to open the door or that he’s going to text the maintenance guy, telling him that, somehow, he got stuck inside the studio and he needs out immediately.
After all, Jimin doesn’t really believe that Yoongi wants to work on a song with him, sure, the other man had said so multiple times, even went as far as proposing a song to their producers, a song that Jimin hadn’t even know about until Yoongi talked about it on live years ago, a song that, in the end, became part of Yoongi’s mixtape. But Jimin knows how persuading Yoongi can be if he wants to and the fact that in all these years Jimin received a total of zero songs from him doesn’t really make him hopeful.
Yoongi’s words do nothing to reassure him.
“Let’s get this over with, the sooner we’re done the sooner we can get out of here.”
Even if his tone is a little abrupt, not particularly gentle in his delivery, Jimin tries to see beyond his hyung grumpiness. Sure, the situation is not ideal but the fact that Yoongi is willing to try anyway makes Jimin smile, a smile that is soon mirrored on the other’s face, right after he plops down on a chair in front of his computer, gesturing for Jimin to sit right next to him.
Jimin follows the instructions immediately, he sits, observing as Yoongi quickly writes the password to his computer, the same one he has had for years, and then looks fascinated while Yoongi manoeuvres around all his files and folders, clearly looking for something in particular.
Yoongi works fast and Jimin has a bit of trouble understanding what the other man is doing until he sees him click on a folder named Bangtan ideas, a folder that opens up revealing six other folders, neatly stacked next to each other, sporting the name of every member. At the end of that list, there’s a folder with his name too, written in bold characters. Jimin.
Once Yoongi opens the folder, it takes Jimin a while to come to terms with what he’s seeing. Yoongi travelled through his computer too fast for Jimin to really understand what was going on, he didn’t have the time to brace himself for it, didn’t have the time to imagine what he would have found inside that folder, not that it really mattered, Jimin wouldn’t have guessed in a million years.
After Yoongi’s click, the computer’s monitor explodes into what must be dozens of audio files. All inside a folder with his name on it. He knows that he shouldn’t be too hopeful, that he just saw the exact same folders with the other guys’ names on them, but he can’t help the way that his heart melts in his chest, he knows that music is Yoongi’s love language and to be faced, so directly, with so much music written for him, written with him in mind, makes Jimin’s eyes water.
He’s probably getting ahead of himself. He steals a glance from Yoongi, who looks utterly unimpressed by the whole thing, face completely blank, devoid of emotions, and that makes Jimin get back down to Earth, it’s clearly not a big deal, at least not for Yoongi.
For the first time, Jimin lets himself properly look at the audio files, studying them one by one, reading one title after the other, there are a bunch of random ones (I’m hungry, tired af, work sucks) and others named after their genre (synth-pop, boom bap rhythm, trap groove). There’s one that immediately catches Jimin’s attention, sad bullshit, but, before he can ask about it or directly hijack Yoongi’s mouse and click on it, Yoongi speaks, making Jimin turn towards him and look away from that file.
“Do you have something in mind? Maybe a specific genre, a sound, something like that.”
Yoongi’s question stops Jimin in his tracks, for as much as he’s been thinking about Yoongi writing him a song, he has to admit he never really got into the specifics of it, kind of assuming Yoongi would just give him something and that he’ll put his input into it only after there was already a project started.
But Yoongi is asking him for his input already so Jimin really tries his best to come up with something good. In his imagination, he always thought about a collab between the two of them, not only Yoongi producing a song for him but actively participating in it too, writing his own rap verse. The first thing that comes to mind is Yoongi’s verse in Spring Day, the start of it to be specific, those few brief seconds when Jimin’s own voice, higher and softer, meets with Yoongi’s timbre, lower and rougher, melting into the perfect combination.
It’s with that song in mind that Jimin answers Yoongi, immersed in the memory of their back pushed together, supporting each other’s weight every time they performed it live.
“Maybe a power ballad? Something sweet and melodic but with the space for a rap verse after the second chorus.”
Yoongi nods at Jimin’s suggestion, not taking his eyes away from the screen for even a second while he scrolls through various files until he settles on one, he lets it play for a few seconds, the studio filling with a piano intro, and then it stops it again, only to turn around and plug a huge pair of headphones in, gesturing for Jimin to take them.
The whole process is silent, Jimin puts the headphones on, suddenly deprived of any sound, even the small click of Yoongi’s mouse, until, after adjusting the volume, Yoongi starts the track and Jimin can get lost in the music, appreciating every single note that caresses his ears.
The first thing that fills his ears is the gentle playing of a piano, slow and melodic, accompanying Jimin through the entire intro until it gets joined by a guitar, making the sound even sweeter. Slowly the melody starts to become more upbeat, filled with arches that Jimin can’t really recognize, surrounding Jimin with a more intense melody but just as sweet as the beginning of the song.
The abrupt sound of drums takes Jimin by surprise, it came suddenly but it fits the song perfectly, creating a blend of all the instruments he heard before, he feels the song building up in a melody that resembles a loop, which is what cues Jimin onto the fact that this is the part Yoongi is supposed to rap over. He can already imagine the rough edges of Yoongi’s voice on top of such a heavenly melody, giving the song the perfect contrasts, making it unique to Jimin's ears.
The song ends as sweetly as it started, with the piano accompanying the listener to the end, gently, almost like the song doesn’t want to let you go, almost like it wants to be listened to on a loop, connecting the piano at the end to the piano at the beginning.
Which is exactly what Jimin does, as soon as the last note fizzles out, Jimin presses play to the song again, placing his hand on top of Yoongi’s on the mouse and making the other’s fingers click. Jimin’s ears are once again filled with the sweet melody, he lets the song carry him away, far from Yoongi’s studio, far from what they’re doing, he closes his eyes and lets the song tell him a story, the story Yoongi thought about when writing it, he feels all the emotions he put into it, from the kindness of the intro and the outro to the need to yell Jimin can feel in the middle of the song, right when the drums appears.
It takes him a couple more listens for Jimin to be ready to take his headphones away, not wanting to distance himself from the song just yet, not wanting to give up that warm hug the music makes him feel. As soon as the song in his ears stops, Jimin feels lost for a second, almost like he’s missing an entire part of himself, but, when he turns to his left, he finds Yoongi smiling at him fondly, and that missing piece suddenly gets filled once again.
“Dare I say that you liked it, Jimin-ah?”
That might be the understatement of the century, not only did Jimin like it but he loved it. This song is everything that Yoongi is behind closed doors, it’s sweet and it’s gentle and it’s kind, it wraps around you like a warmth that will never disappear, making you feel at ease, making you feel at home, this song encapsulates all the reasons Jimin fell in love with Yoongi, every single thing that his hyung hides to others, to the cameras and to the public, but that Jimin is lucky enough to see.
Jimin loves the song so much that he feels like he almost doesn’t deserve it.
“Are you sure you want to give it to me, hyung? This song is so beautiful, I don’t want to steal it from you.”
Yoongi stares at him for a moment, looking at Jimin like he just said the stupidest thing Yoongi has ever heard in his life, but he indulges him anyway, answering his question even though it’s clear that Yoongi thinks the answer is obvious.
“You’re not stealing anything from me, don’t be silly. If you want it, it’s yours.”
Jimin can’t even start to describe how it feels to hear these words finally directed to him, to have Yoongi finally give him a song, so openly confirming that he wants Jimin to have it, a song that is in a folder with his name on it. And it’s so easy for Jimin to imagine that Yoongi wrote it thinking of him, that all those sweet notes in the song, the heavenly melody, came alive because Yoongi thinks that way of him, because, to the other’s man eyes, that’s how Jimin looks.
He knows that he’s dreaming with his eyes open, that his hyung doesn’t feel like that at all, but Jimin likes to pretend and if his brain reinterprets Yoongi’s sentence as If you want me, I’m yours, it’s no one business but his own.
.
It has been hours since they started working on the song when Jimin feels his stomach rumble.
In his haste to work on the song with Yoongi, he hadn’t really realised that getting stuck in a studio meant actually being stuck with no chance of getting out at all, it hadn’t clicked yet that they would need to eat and sleep in here until the song was ready, or at least ready enough to send in their groupchat. An hour earlier, when Jimin desperately needed to go to the bathroom, their situation slowly dawned on him, but not enough to realise they couldn’t get out, just enough to be thankful that Yoongi had insisted on having a little bathroom inside his studio when they moved to the new company building.
Now that he’s starting to get hungry, the realness of the situation starts setting in, making Jimin scan the room hastily in search of any signs of food. He doesn’t find much, a couple of discarded coffees on the little table next to the couch, a few unopened packets of chips abandoned on Yoongi’s desk and a small electric kettle on top of a cupboard, the same kettle Yoongi used earlier to make them tea.
It’s another rumble of Jimin’s stomach that makes Yoongi look away from the monitor, finally paying attention to him instead of the vocals they recorded earlier, which mostly consisted of Jimin mouthing random words and sounds on top of the melody, just to get a feel of what the song could sound like.
“You hungry?”
Yoongi’s tone is curt, just matter-of-factly, but Jimin doesn’t take offence to it, he knows his hyung and how he gets while he’s deep in concentration, especially when he’s working on music, trying to figure out how to make a song come out as best as it can. It’s the perfectionism in him.
And, if it was literally any other situation, Jimin wouldn’t interrupt him, knowing how hard it is to get back into it, to focus again, once you lose the right atmosphere, but right now it’s an exception, he’s too worried about them dying of hunger in this godforsaken studio to worry about Yoongi’s sour mood every time he gets interrupted.
“Do you have some secret stash of food that you want to share, hyung? Now would be the perfect time. Otherwise, I’ll just help myself to another tea and that bag of chips over there.”
Instead of passing him the packet in question, Yoongi starts giggling, apparently finding Jimin’s concern hilarious, showing him his sweetest gummy smile and, for a moment, Jimin thinks he would gladly die locked in here if only Yoongi would look that happy for the rest of his days.
Yoongi, though, has other plans.
“I know Seokjin-hyung can be an asshole when he puts his mind to it but he’s not that much of an asshole. He knows I keep food in the studio, for the days I can’t bother going to the cafeteria or order something. I would like to think that he wouldn’t have locked us in here if he thought we would starve to death.”
Jimin watches as Yoongi gets up only to squat in front of the kettle cupboard, a cupboard that, until a second ago, Jimin was sure was filled with bottles of whiskey and not much else but that, when opened, reveals enough food to get them through an entire apocalypse.
Fascinated, Jimin gets up as well, sitting down on the couch directly in front of the open cupboard doors, from there he can see cup noodles, instant rice, a couple of microwavable dishes and tons of snacks, right next to the whiskey Jimin was sure was in there somewhere. Seeing so much food immediately calms Jimin down.
“What are you preparing for? An atomic bomb?”
Yoongi shrugs, not even looking at him, just rummaging through all the food he has stored in there until he comes out with two different cup noodles. Jimin immediately spots his favourite brand in between Yoongi’s hands, he’s tempted to call him out on it, teasing his hyung for remembering exactly what type of ramen he used to eat when they all still lived together and their diet mostly consisted of that, but in the end, he doesn’t say anything, letting a warm feeling spread through his chest.
He watches as Yoongi boils the water in the kettle, carefully adding it to their cup noodles and waiting, Jimin has half a mind to volunteer his help but the truth is that he likes getting pampered by his hyung, he likes being cared for and loves nothing more than when Yoongi cooks for him, even though preparing cup noodles can barely be considered cooking.
But to Jimin it doesn’t matter, is the thought that counts.
While he’s waiting, Yoongi goes back to rummaging, taking a whiskey bottle, already halfway through, and a couple of glasses before he settles them down on the table in front of Jimin, gently pouring the alcohol in both glasses.
It’s been a while since Jimin and Yoongi did this, drinking together while having dinner, especially alone in Yoongi’s studio, the last time was probably at the old company building, a couple of years ago. Jimin has to admit that he missed it a lot, there’s something about drinking in such an enclosed and familiar place that makes him feel loose-limbed already, even after taking only a sip from the glass Yoongi handed him.
There’s always a magic atmosphere in Yoongi’s studio, somehow it feels like being nowhere, in a pocket of time that doesn’t exist, almost as if they are outside of the universe, just the two of them in here, where time doesn’t matter and where they can talk about everything and nothing at the same time.
After all the years they’ve known each other, Jimin almost expects that they’ll run out of things to talk about at some point, that a time will come when their dinner will become silent and awkward, but that never happens, somehow there’s always something to talk about, either something new or an old topic that they’ve addressed a hundred times before but that they’re aren’t tired of yet.
Tonight is no exception.
“How long do you think we’re going to be stuck in here, hyung?”
Jimin’s eyes linger on the door while asking Yoongi his question. In a way, he doesn’t know what answer he would prefer, whether Yoongi telling him they’re going to be stuck together for a month or that it’s only going to be a day.
Realistically Jimin is aware that they could come up with a fully finished song in less than a week, maybe even just a few days, he knows Yoongi has done it before when locked inside a house with his producers and team, music retreats he had called them. Apparently, having nothing else to do besides writing and creating really speeds up the process.
He can’t help but wish that this time will be an exception.
“Depends. I think we could have a half-decent demo with mumbled lyrics by tomorrow but if you want proper lyrics then at least another couple of days. Are you still as shit at songwriting as you were years ago?”
Yoongi’s question makes Jimin giggle. His hyung is right, years ago (and even a bit now if he has to be honest) he was shit at songwriting, he never knew where to start, what to talk about, never knew how Yoongi and Namjoon did it, able to come up with brilliant lyrics in the span of just a few minutes.
That said, Yoongi had never acknowledged his lack of writing talent before.
“Hyung- That’s mean.”
Jimin’s voice comes out in a whine without his permission, immediately followed by his hand smacking Yoongi’s bicep, almost managing to make Yoongi spill the entire ramen soup on himself, an action that gets a laugh out of both Jimin and Yoongi, giggling as they watch the ramen cup stay precariously in Yoongi’s hands.
Once the disaster is averted Yoongi goes back to speaking, ignoring everything that just happened.
“Do you remember when you used to come to my studio to write? You would show up with your little notebook and cute pen and just lay on the ground in the strangest positions. You said writing next to me inspired you.
Then you would let me read your lyrics and I had to find the kindest way to tell you it was mostly shit while looking at you pout right in front of my face.”
Yoongi accompanies his sentence with quiet little giggles and Jimin can’t help the smile that spreads on his face as well, if he closes his eyes, he can see himself back then, shyly knocking on Yoongi’s studio door and sitting on the floor once Yoongi let him inside, usually directly at Yoongi’s feet.
Back then, Jimin had no idea of his feelings yet, he only knew that he wanted to be close to Yoongi, that he wanted his attention and his approval, that he wanted Yoongi to respect him, to look up to him, and somehow writing cheesy love lyrics seemed like the best way to go at it. Now, Jimin can’t help but laugh at his past self, cringing slightly at how obnoxious and needy he was.
He almost wants to say that out loud, making a self-deprecating joke or something, but, when he looks towards Yoongi, he finds him looking down with a fond look on his face, almost like he’s reminiscing about a different time, a better time, and Jimin can’t bring himself to say anything negative about his younger self, not when thinking about their past clearly makes Yoongi so happy.
So, he limits himself to just dragging through the mud something that was actually bad back then: his lyrics.
“My lyrics were a bit shit back then, yeah. I just didn’t have enough practice.”
Not that it’s that much different now, he can probably count on his hands the songs he has writing credits in, and even in the ones he helped write for it wasn’t more than that, a helping hand, a couple of phrases here and there, always with someone else on his side.
Jimin has never written a song all by himself before and the fact that he wants to write lyrics for this one, actually trying to get it done by himself for the first time while Yoongi watches him, is nerve-racking, to say the least.
His eyes automatically turn towards his bag, knowing well that his notebook, a newer version of the one he used to bring to Yoongi’s studio, sits there, burning against the fabric of his backpack, full of lyrics about Yoongi, lyrics that no one has ever seen and that, if everything goes his way, no one ever will.
He wonders for a moment if there’s anything good in there, if Yoongi would think that he has improved in the last few years or if he would still regard his lyrics as cheesy and boring like he did back then.
“It’s not like it was absolute garbage Jimin-ah, but the things you wrote years ago seemed so impersonal, like you just copied them straight out of a teenager’s magazine or something. It always looked like you never wrote anything real, anything about you, your feelings, your thoughts, it was almost as if you were talking about someone else you were watching in the distance.”
Jimin finds himself nodding absentminded, he has to admit that Yoongi is right, he used to write about love without actually having ever been in love, he used to write about relationships when the longest one he had ever had was a high school fling, he used to write about everything he wanted to experience but hadn’t yet. No wonder why his lyrics were shit.
“Do you think I should write about something personal this time?”
Jimin asks already knowing what Yoongi is going to answer. Every single lyric that the other man has ever written was personal, so real and raw that Jimin can’t help but think of how brave Yoongi is to let the world read his words and listen to his songs. He doubts that he’ll ever be that brave himself.
“Yeah. It’s always better to write about yourself, about your own experiences, shit comes easier that way. Or at least that’s how I do it.”
Yoongi’s words are met with silence. Jimin takes another sip of his whiskey, finishing his second glass of the night, he’s not drunk yet, probably not even tipsy, but alcohol always makes him loose-lipped, more comfortable in what he wants to say, thinking less about how Yoongi is going to perceive his words and more about how much he wants to say them.
A part of him hoped he could just push through these days without actually saying anything, letting Yoongi figure it out for himself, but, from past experiences, he knows that Yoongi isn’t particularly quick when it comes to figuring out what’s left unsaid between them, otherwise, he would have called Jimin out on his feelings a long time ago.
So, Jimin pushes himself, forcing the words out of his mouth, hoping for a positive answer.
“You do know that the rap verse in the song is yours, right? Since we got locked in here, I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to have a song with both of our voices in it. Will you write something for it, something real?”
Jimin’s voice comes out too shaky, too real, almost like he’s begging Yoongi, asking him to give in to his request, but it doesn’t really matter, this is probably the only opportunity he’ll get, at least for a long while, to have a Yoongi verse on one of his songs and if what it takes for the other man to say yes is Jimin on his knees, pleading, Jimin would do it in a heartbeat.
Thankfully, Yoongi doesn’t need anything like that, already nodding before Jimin has even finished his sentence.
“If you want me to, then yes.”
Silence spreads in the studio after that, Jimin knows how much Yoongi struggles with emotional conversations that involve being vulnerable, for someone who is incredibly raw in his lyrics when it comes to real life he usually runs away from deep and intimate confrontations. And Jimin lets him be.
He’s too happy over the fact that Yoongi agreed to write a verse in the song to think about much else, quietly finishing his cup noodles with a smile that doesn’t seem to want to come off his face, almost like it’s been sculpted there. As soon as he’s done with the food, Jimin takes the glass of whiskey in his hand, his fourth of the night, and leans back towards the backrest of the couch, looking up towards Yoongi.
During their dinner, they scooted closer to each other. If, at the beginning of the evening they were on opposite sides of the couch, now they are almost touching, all it would take is for Jimin to stretch his arm towards Yoongi and he could reach him. But Jimin doesn’t move, not yet, the alcohol may have made him loose-limbed but it didn’t make him stupid enough to try and hold Yoongi’s hand all of a sudden.
It isn’t until Yoongi leans back as well, shoulder brushing against him, that Jimin decides to move closer, helped by the feeling of lightness the whiskey makes him feel. He gathers his legs on the couch, resting them on the side, before snuggling against Yoongi, almost like a kitten searching for cuddles, and he lays his head on Yoongi’s shoulder, sprawled against the other man.
Immediately, Yoongi tenses below him, stilling his movements completely under the weight of Jimin’s head, but, only a couple of moments later, he relaxes, allowing Jimin to melt on his shoulder, finally getting comfortable next to his hyung.
From here if Jimin looks up he can see Yoongi’s face, he can see his cute pink cheeks and the slope of his nose, the adorable pout that stays on his lips for a few seconds every time he takes a sip only to disappear into a small and content smile. There’s never a moment when Yoongi looks more adorable than when he drinks.
“You look so cute like this, hyung. Your cheeks are soooooo pink!”
Yoongi blushes at that, refusing to look down towards Jimin while his cheeks turn even pinkier, blush spreading everywhere, slowly reaching even Yoongi’s neck where Jimin feels the need to press a small kiss into, just a little peck to feel if Yoongi’s skin is as hot as it looks.
Thankfully, he manages to hold back, keeping his lips at bay, but Jimin’s hand doesn’t get the memo, going directly towards Yoongi’s cheek before pinching him there, holding the already hot skin in between his thumb and his index and wiggling his fingers around a little bit. If Yoongi’s blush spreads throughout his face, until even his ears turn the pretties shade of pink, Jimin tries not to comment on it, not wanting his hyung to get embarrassed and send him away towards the other end of the couch.
Once again, his brain-to-mouth filter fails him terribly.
“See?! So pink! Such a cute hyung, I swear.”
Jimin feels his hand sneak towards Yoongi’s lap, almost without his permission, he watches as his fingers intertwine with Yoongi’s, afraid that the other man will either flinch away or tell him to fuck off, but Yoongi does neither one of those things, he just holds Jimin’s hand, squeezing his fingers a little in such a reassuring gesture that Jimin feels tears prickle his eyes.
Fuck, it’s time he goes to sleep before he embarrasses himself further, crying in front of his hyung.
.
Jimin wakes up to cold seeping through his bones.
It had taken them more than an hour to decide where to sleep, an hour that they spent arguing, with Jimin insisting that they could both fit on the couch if they cuddled close enough and Yoongi insisting he should sleep on the ground on the rug he keeps there so Jimin could sleep comfortably.
Neither to say, that option didn’t sit right with Jimin.
In the end, Yoongi finally gave in, agreeing that trying to both sleep on the couch was the best solution to their predicament. Which is how Jimin found himself lying completely on top of Yoongi, head resting on his chest, exactly above his heart, which seemed to be beating faster than Jimin thought was normal. It took them a little to adjust to their position, it’s not like they have never cuddled before, far from it, they have also slept together before, but never as close as this, definitely not with Jimin on top of the other man.
Jimin realised immediately when Yoongi relaxed, his heart slowing down and his muscles no longer tense, soon followed by both of his arms sneaking around Jimin’s waist, keeping him steady. When he knew Yoongi was finally comfortable in their embrace, Jimin could relax as well, melting against Yoongi and placing his hand on Yoongi’s chest while the other gently rested against his shoulder, not wanting to press his weight into it.
He fell asleep listening to the rhythmic inhaling and exhaling of Yoongi’s breath, faster than he had been able to lately, lulled by the movements of Yoongi’s chest beneath him.
But now, all the warmth that Yoongi’s body beneath him produced is gone, replaced by a feeling of loneliness so strong that Jimin wakes up abruptly, searching for the comfort of his hyung only to find the rest of the couch completely empty, only his body is still there.
As soon as he opens his eyes Jimin struggles a little to focus on the room in front of him and even more to realise where he is. The studio is completely dark except for a little light placed on the table in front of him, that’s where Jimin’s eyes focus immediately, staring at the little light until his eyes get adjusted to the darkness, finally able to spot Yoongi’s figure on the ground.
Unlike what Jimin was expecting, Yoongi didn’t fall off the couch during the night or arbitrarily decide he would rather sleep on the ground, instead, he’s sitting with his back resting against the couch, too preoccupied with what he’s doing to realise that Jimin woke up and he’s staring at him.
Yoongi looks sleepy and exhausted but too into what his mind is creating to be able to rest, Jimin’s eyes move towards his face, pink cheeks and tired eyes, before settling on the little notebook in his hands, pen held thigh while he scribbles words all over the page. Jimin is too far and too tired to properly make out what he’s writing, not that he cares enough to try, the only thing he wants right now is for Yoongi to go back to the couch.
If asked tomorrow, Jimin will blame his tiredness for what he’s about to do.
“Hyung- What are you doing? Came back here, I want cuddles.”
His voice comes out as a whispered whine but, apparently, it’s loud enough to make Yoongi jump from where he’s sitting, making him turn around immediately with a surprised expression spreading across his face.
As soon as he spots Jimin, Yoongi’s eyes become fond and a smile breaks across his mouth, making Jimin smile as well while he stretches an arm towards Yoongi, hand wrapping around Yoongi’s left wrist and tugging lightly, hoping that Yoongi will not put up any resistance and just go back to sleep with him.
Sadly, Yoongi has other plans for tonight.
“Hyung will come back in a second, go back to sleep, Min-ah.”
Jimin can’t help the grunt that comes out of his mouth, he tugs at Yoongi’s wrist a couple of more times, hoping he’ll give in the same way he did earlier when they were deciding where to sleep, but this time Yoongi is unmovable, he keeps smiling at Jimin while shaking his head, not moving even an inch.
After a couple more disapproving whines, Jimin has to give in, having to settle for going back to sleep without his hyung’s warmth. He tries his luck one more time, searching for a small touch since he can’t have the cuddles he fell asleep with, so he unwraps his fingers from Yoongi’s wrist only to slide his hand further down, searching for Yoongi’s left hand and intertwining their fingers.
Once Jimin is sure Yoongi won’t swat his hand away, he relaxes onto the couch once again, feeling the tiredness settle all over him until he can’t keep his eyes open anymore.
The last thing he sees before sleep takes over is a phrase Yoongi scribbles messily on his notebook, his handwriting so fast and unreadable that Jimin can barely distinguish the words in his sleepy haze.
Yearning for warmth, a hand to hold in the night
.
The second time Jimin opens his eyes, the clock on the wall of Yoongi’s studio tells him it’s already morning. The first thing his body registers are two arms wrapped around his waist, keeping him from falling from the couch, immediately followed by the feeling of having a chest pressed into his back, moving slowly with each breath Yoongi takes behind him.
There’s a part of him that wants to go back to sleep, finally cuddled by his hyung like he was hoping earlier, but his brain is already awake and unable to look around, immediately noticing the light on the desk being turned on, a light that was definitely off the night before when Jimin went back to sleep.
So, he focuses on the desk, looking for any clue of what Yoongi was doing up late the night before. Soon, he spots the same notebook he had seen earlier, opened on the desk with a pen still on top of it, almost like Yoongi had left it there only minutes before, finally too tired to keep writing.
In the end, it’s curiosity that forces Jimin to get up from the couch and leave the warmth of Yoongi’s body.
Jimin disentangles himself from Yoongi’s arms, careful not to wake the other man, before turning around and looking at Yoongi’s relaxed body, so at peace now that he’s sleeping that Jimin barely recognizes him. There’s no trace of his usual pout on his mouth or his cute little frown that he shows every time someone says something stupid, there’s nothing on Yoongi’s face besides calmness and tranquillity.
Seeing him so at peace makes Jimin want to lie back down, cuddling with Yoongi some more, but the pull of the opened notebook is too strong to resist, Jimin wants to know what Yoongi was writing yesterday, if he was writing the lyrics for the song they’re working on or if he was working directly on his rap part, the part Jimin asked him to write something real for.
His steps toward the desk are tentative, on one hand, he doesn’t want to wake Yoongi and, on the other, he’s not completely sure he should read Yoongi’s notebook in the first place, there’s a chance that the lyrics he was writing yesterday night weren’t actually for their song, there’s a chance he was just writing something personal, something that Jimin isn’t supposed to see.
That’s why, when he reaches the desk, Jimin doesn’t immediately go to read the notebook but, instead, turns towards Yoongi’s computer, trying to buy himself some time before he eventually gives in and looks at whatever lyrics Yoongi came up with during the night.
Thankfully, Yoongi’s computer is already unlocked, left turned on from the day before, so all Jimin has to do is copy the passages Yoongi made yesterday, opening the Bangtan folder and finding himself staring at six different folders with their names on them.
Jimin isn’t sure about what compels him to open Seokjin’s file instead of his own, maybe it’s that same curiosity that made him leave the couch in the first place, but what he doesn’t expect, is to find the folder almost empty, except for a couple of audio files in the middle of the computer screen.
Confused, Jimin goes to open Taehyung’s folder next, finding the exact same thing, and then Jungkook’s folder. Here he finds a lot more audio files and ideas, random Word documents with lyrics in them, lots of instrumental tracks and even a bunch of demos of songs Jimin has never heard before, but, even if this folder is significantly fuller than the other two he opened earlier, there’re still half the files he saw yesterday in the folder with his own name.
Just to check if he’s going crazy, Jimin opens the remaining folders, finding a lot of audio files named rapline in both Hoseok and Namjoon’s folders and, to a closer look, Jimin sees that most of those files are the exact same thing just copied in both folders.
He has no idea why Yoongi had saved so many ideas under his name, there’s no logical explanation in Jimin’s mind, nothing that would justify Yoongi having such an obvious preference for him over the other members, especially considering that they have only worked together once, and that was years ago when they performed Tony Montana.
Thrown into confusion, Jimin opens the file they started working on yesterday, wanting to hear the instrumentals again, sure that the gentle melody will be able to calm him down but, when he opens the file on the editing program Yoongi usually uses, instead of finding it exactly how they left it before dinner, Jimin immediately notices a voice recorded in the middle of the song, exactly when Jimin was imagining Yoongi’s rap part.
It's only then that Jimin notices the mic being in a completely different position from the day before, almost as if someone used it during the night, almost as if Yoongi decided to record his freshly written lyrics immediately, regardless of how late it was.
Jimin has never put headphones on faster in his entire life.
The song starts exactly how Jimin remembers it, with the soft melody of a piano filling his ears, soon followed by the arches joining in, interrupted by the sudden appearance of drums, right before Yoongi’s rough voice starts, complementing the heavenly melody just right, in such a perfect contrast of sounds that makes Jimin gasp out loud.
But it’s the lyrics that really surprise Jimin.
Yearning for warmth
A hand to hold in the night
But all I clutch are shadows
Stuck in a loop, rewind
The missing pieces of my heart
Scattered around this empty page
The ache that I can’t capture
It laughs at me this fucked up fate
Is it me who’s cursed?
Is it you who cast the spell?
Hunted by the ghost of your touch
I hold onto this phantom embrace
Jimin recognizes the words immediately, looking down at the notebook discarded on the side of the desk to confirm his theory, and here they are, the exact same words that Jimin is hearing through the headphones are staring right back at him from the white page, written in Yoongi’s messy handwriting, with such an urge, a necessity, that Jimin feels mirrored in the way Yoongi raps in his ears.
Yesterday, they had briefly talked about what the theme of the song should be and Jimin had thrown out there the word longing, which somehow stuck during all their further discussions, but even then, Jimin didn’t expect such sad and raw lyrics, he can feel how much Yoongi wants the person he’s describing, how much hurt surrounds just his thoughts about them, he can even hear it in the desperation of his voice, almost broken by the end of the verse.
He can’t help but turn towards Yoongi and wonder who the fuck broke his heart like that, who in their right mind wouldn’t give Yoongi everything that he wishes for, that warmth that he’s so clearly searching for, that touch that he desperately wants. His own heart breaks along Yoongi’s already broken one, to the point that Jimin feels the need to get it out, to scream his feelings as well, right next to Yoongi’s rough voice.
He’s not exactly sure about what he’s doing but, for once, Jimin doesn’t doubt himself, he isn’t afraid of ruining the song or making a mistake, he just pushes the microphone in front of his mouth, presses record, and then starts singing.
He layers his vocals on top of Yoongi’s, in a sort of complementary harmony, and then repeats Yoongi’s words back to him, almost as if they’re having a conversation, almost as if Jimin is answering his questions.
Is it me who’s cursed? (Is it you who’s cursed)
Is it you who cast the spell? (Is it me who cast the spell)
Jimin’s desperate voice accompanies Yoongi, he knows that he’s not the person Yoongi wrote about, there’s no way he could be, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting it, he wants Yoongi to feel that way about him, to be as desperate and needy for his touch as Jimin is for his and, if he can’t tell him outright in fear of ruining everything they have built together until now, the least he can do is sing it in this song.
He almost hopes that Yoongi will be able to catch onto it. (Jimin actually doesn’t, at all).
In a burst of courage, helped by the fact that Yoongi is still sleeping and doesn’t seem to have any intention of waking up anytime soon, Jimin starts rummaging in his own backpack until he finds what he’s looking for: his notebook, the one that accompanies him everywhere, the one that knows all his secrets and all his feelings, the notebook where Jimin confesses his feelings for Yoongi over and over again, in every single page.
He scrolls it fast, passing through hundreds of lyrics about his hyung, some happy and hopeful, some sad and depressing. It’s on those ones that Jimin focuses, trying to find something that matches Yoongi’s lyrics, something that’s as desperate and needy as Jimin feels right now while he glances towards Yoongi, calm and unaware of the tsunami that’s happening inside his chest.
In the end, he settles for some lyrics that he wrote recently, he still remembers exactly where he was, sitting in a changing room and staring at Yoongi while he was on the phone with someone else, all giggles and smiles, the types of smiles that Jimin had seen reflected towards him countless of times, the ones that make Yoongi’s eyes disappear and his gums peek from behind his lips. Jimin’s favourite types of smiles.
Taking out the notebook then, with the members roaming in the same room, with Yoongi only a couple of meters from him, was not only careless but outright stupid but, at the time, Jimin didn’t care, he only felt the need to write down his feelings, letting them out on paper so that he could push them down his chest, so that he could silence them for the time being.
Jimin reads the words back, suddenly devoured by the same feeling of longing that he felt that day. He tries to hum the words quietly to himself, changing them slightly so they fit the melody perfectly, he tastes them on his tongue, music still playing through the headphones, thinking about whether Yoongi is going to like them or not, thinking about how it will be to let him hear them through the song. Their song.
In the empty space when you leave
Your laughter echoes again and again
The only thing I’m left with
Is a teardrop on my cheek
Maybe in another lifetime
Under a different fate
My love for you will not be in vain
It doesn’t take long for Jimin to figure out the best way to fit his lyrics in the space for the first verse, he listens to the recording of his voice mumbling the melody on top of the instrumental until he’s sure that he has the melody perfectly ingrained into his mind and then he starts recording the verse, singing right into Yoongi’s microphone.
When he listens to his first try, Jimin cringes, he knows the feeling that he wants to convey and he knows exactly what his voice is supposed to do to get him there but, somehow, the words that he hears sung back to him through the headphones are not desperate enough, not as much as he felt that day when he wrote them.
So, Jimin tries again and again, hating the result over and over until he stops to think about how Yoongi would direct him if he was awake and right next to him. He thinks about all the recording sessions that they had together, all the times Yoongi helped him get the exact vocals the song needed, all the advice he gave him during the years, always managing to bring out the best in Jimin.
He closes his eyes swiftly, focusing on the feelings he felt that day, channelling the right emotions just like Yoongi had thought him years ago. He thinks about his jealousy that day, about how much he wanted to be the person to make his hyung laugh like that, about how lucky he was in the first place to be able to witness Yoongi giggling so freely, but mostly, Jimin thinks about how much he loves the other man and how much it hurts that he can’t have him.
When he starts to sing again, his voice comes out a little shaky, hurt and needy, exactly like Jimin wanted it to and when he goes back to listen to what he recorded, for the first time that day, he feels proud of himself.
Instinctively, he turns towards the couch, searching for Yoongi’s approval even though he knows the other man is still sleeping, but, when Jimin’s eyes settle on the couch, instead of seeing Yoongi lying there exactly like he was doing a moment before, he finds the other man sitting down, eyes looking straight towards him.
Fuck, Yoongi probably heard him messing up the lyrics over and over.
Jimin suddenly feels shy, he was using the fact that Yoongi had slept until now as armour, knowing that he could have erased everything before Yoongi could see it if he wanted to, he thought he had more time, that he could have prepared better before letting Yoongi hear the vocals he recorded, before letting him hear his lyrics. He thought he could have perfected them again and again, letting Yoongi listen only when Jimin was a hundred percent sure of his work, but now Yoongi is awake and he’s looking at him and it’s too late to doubt himself.
Not that it would matter, Yoongi has already heard anyway.
“That was amazing, Jimin. Can you let me listen to it properly?”
During Jimin’s internal meltdown, Yoongi had gotten up front the couch and reached him at the desk, now so close to him that Jimin feels his body on fire, his cheeks are probably tinged with pink and his embarrassment only increases when Yoongi hold one hand in front of him, waiting for Jimin to pass him the headphones so he can listen to the vocals in better audio quality.
When Jimin gives up the headphones to Yoongi, he does so with the same expression and feelings of someone who’s walking the plank, ready to jump into the deep sea and be devoured by sharks, only the shark in this moment is only one, Yoongi, and his fear of being devoured is nothing more than the idea of disappointing Yoongi even slightly.
Jimin’s eyes are fixed on Yoongi, he stares at his hand on the mouse, clicking play so many times that Jimin loses count. Yoongi listens to both Jimin’s verse and the vocal layering he put over Yoongi’s own part, all while remaining in perfect silence, letting Jimin stir in his anxiety for entire minutes while the other man studies the song, adding a sound effect that Jimin can’t really hear and editing his vocals so that they match the instrumental perfectly.
When Yoongi is done and plays the track directly on the speakers, the song sounds exactly identical and completely different to how it was before at the same time, Jimin isn’t sure about what Yoongi added, but the instrumental mixed with his voice now sounds angelic, straight from heaven, and Jimin can’t help but be amazed by Yoongi’s talent once again.
“Wow.”
Jimin’s little comment is involuntary, he just can’t help himself when he lets his mouth gape and the sound come out, Yoongi is just that good at producing, and it’s not like Jimin is finding out now for the first time, far from it, he has known for years, but hearing his unique sound, the one all the song produced by him have in common, mixed with Jimin’s voice is a new feeling for him.
A feeling that he likes very much.
“I didn’t do much, Min. I just played around with plugins and presets, it’s your voice that made the magic. Did you write the lyrics while I was asleep?”
Jimin is so distracted and speechless with the way Yoongi managed to make the song so much better with just a few clicks that suddenly hearing him speak makes Jimin jump on his chair. The question immediately makes him go back to the shy and insecure mess he was just moments ago, he doesn’t know if Yoongi is bringing up the lyrics to compliment him, to criticize him or, even worse, to call him out on his obvious feelings for the other man.
Unable to form any words, Jimin only nods, staring at his notebook like it could swallow him whole and take him away from this embarrassing situation.
“Those are really good, clearly, you’ve come a long way from our debut years. Do you have more? We could look at them together and see if we can figure out a chorus or something.”
Jimin’s disbelief must show on his face because, after looking at him briefly, Yoongi starts laughing, a fond giggle that makes his face break into a smile. Yoongi isn’t someone who gives out compliments easily, he’s more a grunt and thumbs up kind of guy, so, for him to go out of his way and, not only, compliment Jimin’s work, but also acknowledge how much he has improved in songwriting over the years, makes Jimin strangely emotional.
He can’t believe that it’s the second time in less than twenty-four hours that Jimin is in danger of crying in front of Yoongi.
“Do you really think the lyrics were good, hyung?”
Yoongi’s nod comes so surely and without even a second of hesitation that Jimin can’t do anything besides blindly believing him. He opens his notebook once again, scared about doing so with Yoongi so close to him but the other man is still looking at the computer screen, exactly like he was when he complimented Jimin, only now, instead of just avoiding his eyes, he’s probably giving him a moment of privacy, letting Jimin chose which words he wants to let Yoongi see.
This attentiveness makes Jimin want to wear his entire heart on his sleeve and show Yoongi the full content of his notebook, he suddenly wants to share every single word he ever wrote on it, every single line he impressed on the white page with his handwriting, knowing that Yoongi will treasure them all.
In the end, it’s Jimin’s fear of his feelings becoming too obvious for Yoongi that stops him once again, picking and choosing lyrics that seem innocent enough, with no direct reference to Yoongi, lyrics that he could have written about everyone but that, like everything in this notebook, are jotted down with only one man in mind.
As Jimin shows Yoongi the deepest contents of his heart, he’s rewarded by an energetic nod followed by Yoongi taking a pen and writing down the lines that he likes the most on a random piece of paper that he found discarded on the desk.
Jimin admires as his words suddenly appear on the blank sheet written in Yoongi’s handwriting, so different than his own, messier and rougher, but just as beautiful. His lyrics are soon joined by new ones, words that Yoongi copies directly from his own notes before adding some fresh ones from the top of his head, mixing Jimin’s words with Yoongi’s words until even Jimin can no longer distinguish what came from his mind and what came from Yoongi’s.
Their ideas mix beautifully together, complementing the other’s work. They keep working like this, mixing lyrics, discarding words or replacing them, trying to mumble the lyrics to see if they fit the melody, until they have both a chorus and a pre-chorus finalized and even the skeleton of an intro and an outro.
There’s a word that keeps coming up over and over again: stay.
It’s Yoongi the first to write it down, scribbling it in English next to the word “please”, only for Jimin to bring it back again later on, right on what it’s supposed to be the last lyric of the outro, what could be the last phrase of the entire song: I’ll stay.
He knows that it’s a response to Yoongi’s plead and, in his heart, it’s what Jimin wants to tell Yoongi, that, if he asks him to, Jimin will stay, he’ll give everything he has for Yoongi, he’ll stay by his side for as long as Yoongi will want him to. But Yoongi’s pleas are not for him. And will never be.
.