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in the dead of the night, there’s a certain feeling that permeates the prison.
when shidou walks through these empty, cold halls- when he feels almost as if his lungs are constricted and the tears are falling down- it’s like a dream. the prison is so far, far away it seems, because the floor is warping and the walls are moving and it’s not supposed to be like that, so keep your head and breathe.
tonight is lonely.
ah, how children can be so brutal. es probably hates him, amane despises him (and it doesn’t hurt, no matter how much the tears staining on the table say otherwise), he’s fucked up in every sense of the world and at the end of it all there’s nothing left.
well, it wouldn’t be so hard to end it here, would it? if es could so easily harm themselves (the glass shards, what had happened?) maybe he could take a glass cup, break it and pick up one of the sharp pieces to slice his neck with, leave out a body for someone to discover- and then it would be over. simple, quick, easy.
there’s a metallic taste in his mouth. he’s unable to breathe and the blood stains his glove, spilling on the floor drop after drop until there’s a sudden thud, and shidou is on the floor. the shard he was holding slips from his grasp. nobody’s going to come for him. it hurts, more than it hurts to watch as he’s bleeding out on the kitchen floor, but at least his death would bring them some sort of happiness for once. they deserve a little bit of happiness- god, they deserve so much more than to be stuck in this prison with people like him. the end comes sooner than shidou expects. then, he’s dead-
the thought is so vivid. it’s right within his hands- no witnesses to convince him otherwise.
there’s some kind of dreadful comfort it offers him. it’s nice to have the choice.
aha...
ha...
ah...
only silence.
shidou cups his face in his hands, and quietly sobs.
this place doesn’t feel real. maybe this is his punishment.
24 hours of sleep deprivation. concentration becomes impaired, the patient becomes more irritable.
oh, how he’d wish he was dead.
prolonged stress leads to disorganized thinking, decreased immunity, and nausea.
what is he even doing? why is he here? they don’t need him.
where is he?
what’s happening?
is he- is this- even real?
he’s dreaming, isn’t he? he needs to wake up.
shidou breathes in, breathes out, rapidly, over and over again, the room is spinning and shrinking and hot and stuffy. there’s something in the hallway- footsteps, footsteps, if they were es’ or amane’s or mahiru’s haunting him, he wouldn’t know.
please, let him wake up.
please, this dream is already bad enough.
footsteps, footsteps, getting closer and closer, a looming threat because he’s so worried about what will happen if the prisoners see him in such a state.
they stop in front of the doorway.
“ugh. what a nuisance- how annoying can you get? first you bother me about-”
“serves you right, sinner.”
“shidou-san-”
he drags his nails across his skin, and it feels so raw-
“we are the warden-”
“-we won’t ever forgive you-”
“shidou-san!”
and he grips his arm tighter-
“shidou-san!”
they peer down at him-
“shidou-san!” muu grasps his shoulders, “you’re scaring me...!”
instead of es and amane standing at the doorway, it’s muu. instead of their gazes, it’s hers.
“hey... hey...! what happened...?” she looks at him. “you look terrible!”
the noise that ends up coming out of his mouth sounds like it’s been strangled. the words don’t quite seem to form properly in his mouth.
“come on, talk to me! are you okay?”
“...i’m-” shidou enters a coughing fit.
“sick? are you sick? is that why you’re crying?”
a shake of the head.
“then what’s wrong? you have to tell me...!”
his heart squeezes in his chest as he struggles to push air out of his lungs.
“i’ll- i’ll call for help!”
“don’t,” shidou firmly grips onto muu’s hand, stopping her. “please don’t.”
“...okay. okay, i won’t,” she says.
a moment passes, then two- and muu hugs shidou.
“...muu had another nightmare... and then when i woke up, you weren’t in your cell, and- and muu got so worried,” the hug gets tighter, “muu was so worried something had happened to you...”
another breath. “don’t... scare muu like that!”
“i’m... sorry.”
“you should be! i- i don’t want you to...”
muu sniffles, wiping away the freshly sprung tears from her eyes.
...oh.
“...i’m sorry. i’m so- i’ve failed again, haven’t i?” shidou says.
“stop that!” muu pounds on his shoulder, “everyone- everyone’s acting so weird, now you! i don’t- i don’t understand...”
she clings onto him- like he’ll float away from her if she doesn’t.
“will you be okay?”
“i... will.”
“then- then what happened? why did i find you on the floor like... like this? did something happen?”
no response.
“...shidou-san?”
he doesn’t have a response.
“if- if you aren’t going to answer that question, then... is there anything i can do? m-maybe you could stay the night at my room...!”
would it even be okay?
“please?”
...shidou nods his head. muu smiles.
his body doesn’t seem to respond quite as well as it should, because while muu manages to stand up beside him- he’s still on the ground. muu blinks, waiting for him to do something.
“um... do you need help? here, you can take my hand!” and she holds it out.
he grabs on. muu tugs him up, helping shidou stand on the ground. he feels unstable- but with muu, they start walking down the hallway to the panopticon.
shidou tries to steady his breathing.
muu guides him past the prison cells- if anyone is awake, they don’t make themselves apparent. finally, they come to muu’s cell, labeled with a 004 on the door. open, close, and then it’s just him and muu. she gestures for shidou to sit on the bed, searching around the room for something.
she fishes a banana duck out a small pile of plushies, and places it on his lap.
“...oh,” shidou takes a moment to look at it, “...thank you. it's cute.”
“muu knew you’d like it! isn’t muu great?”
she sits down right next to him on the edge of the bed, carrying a plush of her own. a comfortable silence fills the air.
“by the way... if you want to keep the banana duck, you can. muu has a bunch, so consider it as a gift!”
“really...?”
“yup! that’s what friends are for. when we get out of this prison, muu’s gonna get you a whole bunch of gifts.”
when we get out of this prison.
when we get out of this prison.
“we’ll both make sure of it, okay?”
“...okay.”