Work Text:
May 28, 2023 writer's prompt on the Janet Evanovich Fan Fiction Facebook page. Write a one-shot using Elmer Fudd's words "Be vewy, vewy quiet."
Familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. Remy, Border Collie pup, is my OC. I'm not making any money from this.
Remy's POV
Hi, ho - Remy the dog here. I am in the Canine Unit at Rangeman, LLC. OK, I am the Canine Unit at Rangeman, LLC. My Dad Diesel found me when he apprehended an Unmentionable skip in Canada and brought me to "a nice woman" in Trenton, NJ, since, as Dad Diesel says, "The skip isn't free to come and go and wear his own clothes anymore." Oh yeah, I'm an Unmentionable too, just like Dad Diesel and Mom Stephanie Plum-Manoso. The three of us have great conversations that no one else can hear.
Mom's Man is Carlos "Ranger" Manoso - decorated soldier, successful businessman, and all-around badass. He does dangerous work and has been injured - shot, stabbed, beaten up, captured and tortured - many times. But he doesn't get sick. Ever. Until now. Mom's Man, cousin Lester Santos, Mom and I went to a Mothers' Day picnic in Newark, NJ. There were lots of kids there. Lester calls them "human Petri dishes."
A couple of days later Mom's Man was running a temp (I checked his nose - it wasn't cold and wet), coughing and sneezing. My friend Bobby Brown made him stay in his apartment so that it didn't spread. That happens here - the guys sit close together on fifth floor, go on patrols together, live in the apartments on fourth floor, exercise in the same gym, eat together, etc. After two days, Mom's Man didn't have a temp but Bobby made him work in his apartment for one more day. But something happened on the day he was cleared to come back to work. He had no voice. None. My Mom called Bobby to tell him. Bobby said that he'd been without a temp for 24 hrs so he wasn't contagious and could work on fifth floor again.
Bobby asked for the attention of everyone on fifth floor. Bobby asked Ranger if he had his permission to tell the guys what was going on. Mom's Man nodded - that's your first clue! Bobby told them that Mom's Man was no longer contagious and was cleared to work but some adjustments had to be made. He said that Mom's Man wouldn't be barking orders and should rest his voice (hey, I'm the only one who barks here), but Bobby couldn't stop him from sending emails in all capital letters!
The guys answering phones would transfer all business calls to Tank. Mom's Man still had his cell phone and could text people. Mom's cubicle is nearby so she would go in and answer his cell phone or land-line if it rang.
Bobby also brought a bottle of throat spray for Mom's Man to use. Mom's Man whispered that it tasted like turpentine. Hmm. How does he know what that tastes like?
Mom's Man approached Mom so he could whisper something to her. To me, it looked as if he said "Julie." They call her every night before she goes to bed. Mom said that they could do a videocall so that Julie could at least see her dad even if she couldn't hear him. Mom also said that it was 12 hours until they called Julie so that he should use Bobby's spray often and he might be better by then. But, in the meantime, he'd have to "be vewy, vewy quiet."
Mom's Man rolled his eyes and Lester laughed so hard he fell off his chair.