Chapter Text
His relationship had lasted ten years. Well actually it was nine years and eight months, but when a couple was together for that long people just started rounding. Granted, if you counted all their breaks and break ups then the number would probably be closer to eight years total, but whatever. For the sake of simplicity, Inuyasha and Kikyou had chosen to say they’d been dating for ten years, which only made their final breakup sound worse.
A decade.
That’s how he phrased it when he texted it to his friends. After a whole fucking decade of his life, it was actually over. Sango and Miroku were sympathetic over it, but they were admittedly ridiculously busy getting their shit together for their twins' imminent arrival. While normally Miroku was his go-to drinking buddy, he was a dutiful husband, and he didn’t want to leave his wife’s side. That left Kagome. God, he really ought to get more friends.
Not that he was complaining really. Kagome was an exceptionally great friend with whom he could easily commiserate. He just… tried to avoid talking to her about relationship stuff. But this was big and she was one of his closest friends and god did he need one of those right now. A friend and a stiff drink.
Inuyasha and Kikyou had already been dating on and off for four years by the time Kagome met him in college. Back then, he and Kikyou were at their longest and most serious “off” stage. She was fresh out of medical school and had moved for a hospital placement while Inuyasha was still working towards his own business degree. It would be a lie to say that distance was the only reason for their break up, but he still had hope that it would work out again. Low and behold, he and Kikyou stayed “off” for months until she came back for New Year’s and they got back together. He promised he’d work hard to finish his degree and she promised to communicate more despite the distance. He said he’d try not to be so jealous. She said she’d try not to be so aloof. They tried to make it work. The years went by. Kikyou eventually relocated again, closer but still an hour away by train. Inuyasha learned to drive, graduated, bought a car, got a job, got an apartment, bought a ring, got engaged, and after nine years and eight months he and Kikyou ended it once and for all in a final, explosive fight. It was a messy breakup where they both thought it best that they cut each other out of their lives to move forward.
They cared about each other and probably always would, they concluded, but being together wasn’t good for either of them. Often they brought out the worst in one another. For almost a decade they would separate and try again, using the time and distance to re-evaluate and grow. They would come back together, but never stronger. Every time it still felt off; like trying to weave a rope with scraps of string, they always ended up breaking apart in a different way. That’s how it felt to Inuyasha at least. He gave it his damn best and it fell apart. He could console himself with the fact that when it all came crashing down, he still had his friends. They were few and far between, but they were lifelong.
He sent out a text to each of them, and to no surprise, one answered back right away.
In university, Inuyasha and Kagome became close soon after meeting. Literally, in some ways. They lived in the same building and eventually shared a circle of friends. Who was anyone kidding? Inuyasha made those friends because of her. Kagome was the one that dragged him to study groups or random activities. She was the one pushing him to go out and make the kind of memories he missed out on for much of his adolescence. She was the one who introduced him to people he could get along with once given the chance, and he had her to thank all these years later. After all, his university friends were still the closest ones he had. Kagome included, though it had been a while since they’d met up.
Back in college, everyone thought they’d end up dating, but once Inuyasha and Kikyou got back together Kagome was quick to correct people that they were just friends. Great friends. Through Kagome’s dating attempts, through exams and presentations, through sloppy drunken nights and celebrations through the years, they remained in touch and emotionally close despite any time spent living their own separate lives.
Sometimes Kagome and Inuyasha would message each other. They’d greet each other for major holidays, they see each other at mutual friends’ get togethers, and on much rarer occasions they’d simply decide to catch up in person.
Tonight was one of those nights. It’d been two months after his breakup, and all the dust had finally settled. He moved to a new place, told his family, went through the painstaking process of calling up everyone from his side that had been invited to the wedding. Thankfully, or maybe pathetically, it hadn’t been a long list. He only had so many people he considered close to him. Whatever. It was done, and to celebrate that accomplishment, he invited his friends out for a last minute drink. Sango and Miroku were annoyingly but understably busy, but at least he had Kagome. It had been almost half a year since they’d last seen each other.
You’d think hardly interacting for six months could make things awkward, but it wasn’t. It almost never was with them. Sometimes it was tense. Often it was loud. But despite their bickering, Kagome had a way of putting Inuyasha at ease, and he had a way of loosening her up. In the years since their first meeting, Kagome also finished her studies. She found a good paying job and got her own apartment while helping to support her family. She cut her hair and grew it out again. She dated, had two serious relationships, went on a few dates when those ended, but ultimately never felt the right spark to give it everything she could.
He waved at her from across the street, she smiled, and it all came so easily. Duh. They sat down and ordered their drinks, and the conversation flowed smooth as water. They talked about their days at work and how Kagome had spent her birthday weekend on a trip with her family. It was lighthearted, and at no point did she push him to talk about anything. He was ready though. He’d already told her about his break up, but hadn’t gone into more detail until now.
“So we ended it. Big fight, lots of yelling. Nothing new except this time it was final.”
Kagome gave him a questioning smile. “But… is it actually? You guys always fought. You always got back together. Are you sure it’s different this time?”
“Yup. It’s over. All those other times it felt like, damn, I’d do whatever it took to make things work. Now, I don’t wanna see her again and the feeling is most definitely mutual.”
“I don’t get it, to be honest. I thought you guys were in love and now you never want to see her again? You don’t hate her, do you?”
“I don’t think I could ever hate her. It’s just that we don’t work, and I guess I see that now. I can’t see a happy ending for us together.”
Kagome hummed.
“I mean it when I say it’s over though. You know, it was always so complicated with us.”
“I know,” she replied reassuringly.
“God, we fought so much, it’s crazy to look back and think it was ever going to end well.”
Kagome was always on his side, so Inuyasha just rolled his eyes when she joked, “Are you sure you aren’t just a jerk who likes to argue?”
“Yeah, yeah. Look who I’m talking to.”
His shouting matches with Kagome were on par with his fights with Kikyou after all, but it was different. With Kagome it was fire against fire instead of fire and ice. It was comfortable as much as it was heated. (Hot, with the power to scorch him if he let it out of control.) But in the end, they always apologized and rolled up their sleeves and talked it out. If they burned things to the ground, they would work to build it back up together. Stronger.
Kagome took another sip of her drink thoughtfully, musing whether or not she even liked the taste. Tonight her libation of choice was gin, which was harder to nurse than her usual beer with coworkers, but something about being with Inuyasha made hard alcohol more appealing. They’d thrown back plenty of beers in their college days. Maybe she wanted to seem more grown up now, like she could afford the choice stuff. Maybe it was because she could slip into that warm headspace a little easier, where she wasn’t as watchful over her words and smiles. Or maybe because it helped ease the sting of being close but not as close as she secretly wished they’d get.
“Well, I am sorry. You didn’t deserve for this whole engagement breakup to happen. I was looking forward to partying at the wedding.” Celebrating him. Getting closure.
A reminiscing smirk made its way to Inuyasha’s face. “You sure do party hard at weddings,” he commented, barely covering the widening curve of his mouth with the rim of his glass.
“Hey!” Kagome bristled. “The last one was a very stressful wedding for me! You remember how much I had to do!”
“Uh huh.”
She was done! Done with Maid of Honor duties. Done with corralling Sango’s intense family around for various activities. Done being a pseudo-coordinator’s assistant when all the little things that could go wrong did go wrong. She was done organizing the bridesmaids and boisterous groomsmen to get it together for the ceremony, please! All that on top of being the emotional support for a tumultuous day in Sango’s life. Done!
And so Kagome drank. She deserved it. And when she happened to hear one of her favorite songs play, she trapsied her way to the dance floor and allowed herself to finally let loose.
Sitting at his table, Inuyasha’s ears couldn’t help but pick up on a familiar voice singing gleefully from the center of the room. The fond smile overtook his face without thinking. Kagome finally looked like she was having fun. She always did love to dance. He wasn’t a dancer by any stretch of the imagination, but he was coordinated enough to move to the beat when tasked. Socially, it wasn’t something he did often. Kikyou liked to get on the dance floor now and again, but tonight his partner was off on a train. She’d made it to the ceremony and some of cocktail hour, but then had to leave for work. That was the life of a doctor-in-the-making it would seem. For years Kikyou was busy studying her ass off, and now she was always working. He might have gone back with her if he weren’t in the wedding party and on what Kagome called “Good boy duty,” aka watching over Sango’s underaged brother, Kohaku, who was amongst the groomsmen. It was probably a smart call on Kagome’s part since Miroku and Hachi were infamous for their wild nights of debauchery, and Miroku was desperate to be a cool older brother-in-law to the kid. It was Inuyasha’s job to make sure Kohaku was comfortable and not exposed to too much idiocy. So while everyone was getting hammered early, Inuyasha still had a mostly clear head well into the reception, and his clear eyes were amused as they spotted one of his best friends singing and dancing like no one was watching in the middle of the dance floor.
She was so into it. She’d been tightly wound all day, fulfilling the duties of Maid of Honor and beyond. Kagome was like that. She was famously the type to go completely out of her way to help people, gathering those around her to pitch in and move mountains. She drew people in—but not always the right people, Inuyasha was reminded as a guy crowded into her space. Kagome was popular. She was beautiful and kind and had this terrible habit of seeing the best in everyone even when they didn’t always deserve it.
Inuyasha couldn’t ignore the mucky feeling he got watching as some random drunk started to get close to her. No, he had to do something. He got up and walked right up to her, effectively blocking the guy from getting any nearer. To his credit, the stranger didn’t seem that offended, thank god, but danced along to the pop beat on his own.
“Hey!” Kagome greeted him, her cheery voice not lost over the music. “You’re on the floor!”
“You look like you’re about to be. You good?”
She nodded along to the beat. “I’m good! I’m really good! Sango and Miroku are married! I’m done! I’m so good! I love this song!” As if to make her point, she once again sang out and even grabbed his hands to make him move along.
He felt it then—that thing he always felt when it was the two of them. The ease and fondness that swelled inside him whenever they were together. It was a dangerous pitfall of affection that she was practically dragging him towards. All he could do was swing his arms to appease her as she belted out the rest of the notes. It was fun and innocent enough.
And then the song switched to a ballad.
“Oh! I love this song too! It’s so perfect for them!” Kagome looked at the bride and groom who’d fallen into each other’s arms to slow dance. The rest of the floor also began to pair off, with Kagome and Inuyasha left still holding hands.
He thought he should walk off, maybe gently guide her back to her table to sit and cool down, but when she turned back to him with that dopey smile, he couldn’t find it in him to do it.
“They’re so in love. I…” she trailed off, looking to the floor. It was no secret that despite her popularity, Kagome just couldn’t find the right person. That’s what happened when the pool was so wide though, when she attracted everyone it was hard to find the one.
Inuyasha rearranged their arms and began to move them in a slow circle, allowing the rhythm to sway them. People danced with their friends, right? Yeah, this was fine. She could use some reassurance, after all. “You’ll find the right person one day.” It felt weird to say; weird (and awful) to imagine her in the embrace of some other guy.
She laid her head on his chest with a sigh. “I don’t know if finding love is the problem. It’s holding on to it. It’s timing. It’s…” him, she stopped short of saying. “It’s a lot of things.”
“Yeah.”
“Sometimes it really feels like it’s just me that’s the problem.” Her inability to slow down, to stop chasing after the best path for her family, to move on from a stupid crush she’d formed on a guy who was absolutely out of bounds because he was taken.
Inuyasha’s voice cut through her thoughts. “It’s not you.”
And even though it was supposed to be comforting, that particular phrasing from him struck a painful chord in Kagome’s chest. It wasn’t her. Of course not. Inuyasha had a partner, and it wasn’t her.
This was a bad idea.
“Thanks,” she said, just to get out a polite reply. Then Kagome lightly pushed herself off of him, embarrassed that she’d been so brazen about touching him when he had a girlfriend, even if she wasn’t here.
“Are you still good?” he asked.
“Yeah. I had a day. I’m… going to the bar.”
Worried that she’d stumble, he began to walk with her. “I’ll join you.”
Okay. The bar was better than the dance floor, Kagome decided. At least it would be less romantic and heartbreaking than slow dancing with him. What she failed to remember was that more alcohol tended to make her more affectionate.
By the time the wedding was over, she was basically draped across Inuyasha’s shoulders as he helped her back to her hotel room. He knew it was innocent enough, but he was aware that they were dangerously approaching a line. Even now, hugging her close felt so natural, like all their pieces fit together in just the right way. On top of that, Kagome would not stop spouting compliments towards him.
He looked so handsome in his suit.
He was so great for taking care of Kohaku.
He was so dependable.
Such a gentleman.
If it weren’t for the way she practically sung out all her words, he might have tried to hide his blush better. She was so far gone, he doubted she would notice how much it affected him.
Kagome fished out her hotel keycard and fumbled to open the door.
“See, you are such a gentleman to make sure I got to my room okay. And you’re not going to ask to come in! You’re so good!”
“I’m just looking out for a friend,” he tried to shrug it off.
“So good,” she repeated with an affectionate tweak to his ear, but then she took her hands, smooshed his cheeks, and put on a pout. “How do I get a you?”
“Huh?”
“A guy like you,” she corrected after knitting her brows like she really had to think. “How do I get a good guy to like me?”
“The last guy wasn’t good?” Inuyasha tried to keep the edge out of his voice, but his fists curled into balls by his side.
“It’s not that,” Kagome gave him a shake of her head. “Hojo was nice, but I want someone who makes me feel something. Something like…” her hold on his cheeks became softer until her hands dropped to his shoulders.
“Like?”
“You know.”
This.
He didn’t dare speak it.
Neither did she. Instead she smiled, taking her hands away. “I mean, you would know how love is supposed to feel. You’re in love.”
“Right.” Kikyou. Of course. He shrugged. “I dunno how to describe it though. Words aren’t my thing usually.”
Kagome urged him. “Doesn’t it feel like, ‘I want to see you, over and over forever!’ Like, ‘It just seems right when we’re together.’”
He swallowed at her passionate voice and remarkably clear eyes. “Sure, but it’s more complicated than that.”
And at that moment, neither of them could tell who they were talking about. But Kagome nodded solemnly. “It seems that way, I guess.”
“S-sorry.” He didn’t know why he felt like he had to apologize.
She simply shook her head. “I understand.” She looked at the floor, gave him the smallest bow of gratitude, and shut her door with a quiet, “Thank you. Goodbye, Inuyasha.”
The door closed.
But it hardly felt like closure.