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The first time Gyuvin saw her, she was bent in half. Her long, pale legs were in a full straddle with pristine white sneakers in perfect point. Her body was folded to the ground with her torso pressed flat into the grass. Her black shorts were paired with a white crop top that showed off the curve of her spine as she stretched. It was just a little exposed skin but the dip of her lower back and the faint outline of her vertebrae seemed somewhat scandalous. She was just lying there, casual as anything, with her head resting on her forearms in front of her. It was a comfortable position for her; as if she was sitting with her legs crossed. Lying there relaxed, it looked almost as if she was sleeping. 

She wasn’t the only one there. Other girls around her were running through leg swings or split training. One girl had a leg pulled up towards her ear; not all the way there but pretty damn close. Gyuvin didn’t see any of these people. No. The only person Gyuvin had her eyes on was the slender girl in the grass. She had her head turned away with her long blonde hair obscuring her face from view. Gyuvin took a step closer and the girl shifted. She pushed herself up onto her elbows and looked up. Her hair fell from her face perfectly, as if controlled by the laws of fiction rather than real life. 

She was pretty. That was the first thing Gyuvin noticed. The second thing she noticed was that, to Gyuvin’s surprise, the blonde was Asian. Her hair had been so nicely dyed that she would have thought it was natural. The girl looked directly at Gyuvin and adjusted her position, sitting up so she could look at Gyuvin’s face, all the while keeping her legs all the way apart. Gyuvin took the chance to take in her features. She worked her way up, starting with an impossibly plump bottom lip, paired with a top lip that arched in two pretty points separated by a deep cupid’s bow. Her nose was small, made smaller by her makeup. Her dark eyes were pointed and cat-like, and they stared at Gyuvin. Her thin, straight eyebrows pulled into a frown.

“What are you staring at?” She snapped. It wasn’t the voice Gyuvin was expecting to come out of the girl. It was surprisingly low and sharp. 

“I’m not staring,” Gyuvin replied.

“You’ve been gawking at me for the last three minutes. It’s creepy,” the girl said. She looked Gyuvin up and down before raising her chin haughtily. “Soccer tryouts are over there, by the way,” she added, jerking her head. Sure enough, a group of girls in soccer jerseys kicked balls back and forth. In her track pants and t-shirt, Gyuvin could see why the girl would give her the hint. 

“I’m in the right place, thanks,” Gyuvin assured her. She placed her duffle bag down on the field and sat herself down near the blonde. The other girl sneered at her. She finally closed up her legs and shook them out for a moment before pressing her soles together into a butterfly stretch. As she did, she turned her body away from Gyuvin.

“This is cheerleading tryouts,  darling ,” she said, drawling out the last word sarcastically.

“I know,  sweetheart ,” Gyuvin replied, using the same tone. “Why do you think I’m here?”

The girl glanced at her. “You’re trying out…  You ?”

Gyuvin watched her look her up and down again. She scoffed. It was only small but it still stung. The thing is, Gyuvin knew exactly what she was laughing at. At almost 180cm and built a little like a footballer, Gyuvin wasn’t exactly your typical cheerleader. Hell, she wasn’t even your typical Asian girl. Her parents had always wondered if they fed Gyuvin a bit too much as a child, but even if she tried to diet there was no way she could stop growing. She towered over both her parents and her older sister. The thing is, she was healthy, and she was  strong . Not only that, she was good at what she did.

“I was pretty good at cheering in high school,” Gyuvin replied, smiling. It was an understatement, given the medal and trophy cabinet at her parent’s house. The girl just rolled her eyes. 

“Whatever.” 

Gyuvin smiled to herself. She eased herself into a pike stretch and turned her head just in time to see the blonde glancing at her. “I’m Gyuvin Kim, by the way! I’m a first-year.”

“I didn’t exactly ask,” the girl responded. She bent into another forward fold. 

Gyuvin shuffled her legs so her feet nudged the girl’s exposed thigh. She reached forward but stopped just before her face touched the smooth, pale, skin. The girl jolted out of her fold and glared at Gyuvin, making her laugh. “Aren’t you going to tell me who you are?”

“I’m new too,” the girl huffed. “Now can you leave me alone? I’m trying to stretch.”

“I’m trying to stretch too,” Gyuvin replied.

“Can you stretch somewhere else?” 

“I wanted to make a friend,” Gyuvin laughed. “If we’re going to be on a team together we should get along, right?”

The girl scoffed again. “Not likely.”

Gyuvin sat up and raised an eyebrow at her. “Don’t think you’ll make the cut? Have some confidence  sweetheart.  I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

A light blush dusted the blonde’s cheeks. She was flustered; Gyuvin could tell by the way she frowned and the slight stutter of her voice. She liked it. Gyuvin liked watching this girl get flustered. Before she could muster another sharp response, a loud clap sounded near them. 

“Alright girls, let’s get started.”

Gyuvin looked up to see a woman staring at them all expectantly. She was another Asian woman, with slick black hair pulled into a messy ponytail. Her expression was stony, and she watched the girls scramble to attention with hawk-like eyes. She didn’t look like your regular, perky cheerleader. If it wasn’t for the uniform Gyuvin wouldn’t have thought she belonged here. She especially didn’t expect what the girl said next. 

“I’m Jiwoong Kim. I’m captain of this squad.”

“You?” Another newcomer scoffed. “You’re the captain?” 

“Don’t let the resting bitch face fool you,” another uniform-clad girl replied. “Ji Ji here is an amazing captain!”

“And a bit of an idiot,” another girl laughed. 

“I prefer ‘loveable goofball’,” Jiwoong sighed. She smiled, finally breaking her hard facade. As she did she showed off impeccably straight teeth. She coughed and tried to school her expression. “Okay let’s get off the ground and I’ll run through how tryouts will work.” 

Gyuvin sprung off the ground so fast it almost gave her a head spin. The blonde, on the other hand, slowly got up, as if the effort of it was too much. Gyuvin raised an eyebrow at her. “You sure you’re ready for this sweetheart?”

“Fuck off,” the girl replied, rolling her eyes. 

Jiwoong gathered them all closer and then rubbed her hands together. “Okay so there’s 12 of you signed up to tryouts today… but the squad only has 4 spots available.”

“Four spots?” A girl exclaimed. “That’s insane!” 

“We have to keep our numbers tight for competitions, okay?” Jiwoong sighed. For the first time, Gyuvin was a little nervous. She looked around at the other girls. They all looked like they’d be good at cheering. Rumbling started around all her, each of the girls calculating their odds. Jiwoong brought them back with another clap. “Alright. So here’s how it’s going to go. We’ll do a basic routine and test you as a group, and then we’ll give you each a chance to showcase your skills. Me, Ashley, and Cait will assess you and six of you will be called back tomorrow for the next round.”

Six. Half of them would be eliminated today. The girl on Jiwoong’s right, a short blonde, stepped forward. “Okay! Get into three rows and we’ll show you the routine. You’ll have 10 minutes to work through the steps and get help before we assess.”

“Ten minutes?” A girl nearby groaned. 

“We have to get this done!” Jiwoong replied. “This is college cheerleading, not high school.”

Some of the girls complained but everyone moved into position. Gyuvin automatically took the back. She towered over all of the other girls, so even back there she’d be seen. The blonde was in the row in front of her. As she moved into formation she tied her hair back into a ponytail. As she did, Gyuvin noticed a line of black on the side of her neck. A tattoo? She didn’t have long to look as the three girls moved in front of them.

“Okay, watch carefully.”

*

The routine was easy. It was less than a minute of basic arm and leg shapes to a bouncy beat. Even still, Gyuvin knew what they were testing. They wanted to see how straight your arms were, how high you could kick, how you hit the beats, and how you presented yourself. Gyuvin wasn’t the most flexible. She couldn’t put her legs up near her ears like other girls could. However, she knew enough to fake it. She turned her hips just right to give the illusion of a bigger split. 

What she didn’t have in flexibility she made up for in passion. She hit each move punchily, focussing on the beats. She smiled brightly and bopped to the music, even cheering the words to the song as they danced. No one else sang, but Gyuvin didn’t care. At one point she made eye contact with Jiwoong who gave her a little smile. 

The blonde girl was more like a classical dancer. She was precise with her movements, though they lacked a little power. Somehow, though, she made it look effortless. It was easy for her, so easy that she hit the moves just right and gave nothing more. Then there was the fact that she was so. Damn.  Flexible.  She kicked higher than any others in the group, her leg almost reaching her ear unsupported. No one else had the bendiness she had. 

Gyuvin thought the routine was easy, but a few girls around her seemed to struggle. There was just something not right about the way they kicked or the way they punched the air. It was the angles or the beats that weren’t quite right. At the end, watching other girls pant as she just stood there bopping to the faded music, she thought that she might actually have a chance. 

Jiwoong stepped forward. “Okay, that was good!” She called. She was smiling now, showing all her teeth. 

“Not bad, sweetheart,” Gyuvin said, leaning forward towards the blonde. She jumped and turned before regaining her composure.

“Of course, darling,” she said back. A satisfied smile crossed her lips. 

The girl named Ashley brought out a clipboard and glanced down at it. “We’ll move on to individual showcases now. When we call your name you can have the floor. We’ll ask you some questions and then you can use the gymnastics mat to show us what you’ve got.”

*

Everyone sat to the side, watching the show. Each girl was called forward and asked about her background, experience, and position before being put on the spot. The showcases varied. Some did dances, others did jumps or splits or backbends. Each one was talented, but it didn’t phase Gyuvin. She was prepared. She knew what she was going to do. Even when a girl cartwheeled down the whole length of the mat she wasn’t scared. The girls moved through, one by one and Gyuvin waited to be called. As she did, she found herself lulling into a daze.

“Rikki Shen?” Jiwoong called out. 

Gyuvin snapped to attention. The blonde girl, who had been sitting nearby, got up in her cat-like manner. She strode over to the mat. “That’s me.”

Rikki . So her name was Rikki. Gyuvin kept her eyes on her. Jiwoong looked down at her sheet. “How long have you been cheerleading?” 

“Only four years,” Rikki responded. “But I did Ballet in China.” 

“You lived in China?”

“I was born there. I moved to California when I was ten.” 

“Ah,” Jiwoong said, laughing to herself. “West Coast cheerleading. That’s why I haven’t come across you.”

“What brought you to the east?” Cait asked. 

Rikki shrugged. “Felt like a change.” 

Jiwoong looked at her sheet again. “You’ve written here that you’re a flyer?” 

“That’s right,” Rikki replied. Jiwoong smiled at her and put down her clipboard. 

“Okay show us what you’ve got.”

Rikki nodded once and readied herself. Gyuvin held her breath. All Rikki did to start with was run through basic positions. She started with an arabesque. Her leg came up behind her and her body bent forward. She held surprising power in that bottom leg. She didn’t shift even an inch, her balance impeccable. She ran through some more: a heel stretch to a bow and arrow, then a scorpion to a needle. Her body moved like it was made of plasticine, bending at will. Once she put her leg down she looked at the judging panel.

“I can do a few dynamic moves too, if you want.”

“Go ahead,” Jiwoong replied. Her face was hard to read but she was watching Rikki intensely. Rikki took a step back. She bent her knees slightly before springing up, legs in a perfect split. As she jumped, her shorts rode upwards, showing the tense of her quad muscles in her slender thighs. She landed lightly; as if she’d stepped and not launched herself in the air. 

“I can do more,” she said, barely even breathing heavily.

“That’ll be enough,” Jiwoong replied. “You’ve done well.”

Rikki nodded her thanks. She returned returned to the group. As she did, she met Gyuvin’s eyes and smirked at her. Gyuvin didn’t know why, but she blushed. Rikki continued smirking at her as she sat down. She tilted her head. “I think they’re calling your name.”

“What?” Gyuvin replied dumbly, shaking herself out of her daze. 

“Gyuvin Kim?” Cait called again, looking around. Gyuvin scrambled up. She jogged to the middle of the mat. The three girls looked her up and down, Ashley and Cait seemingly shocked by the girl in front of them. Gyuvin smiled awkwardly.

“That’s me! Sorry.”

Jiwoong looked up from her paper and grinned at her. “I was surprised to see your name on my list. I’m glad you chose here to attend.”

“You know her?” Ashley asked, turning towards the captain. 

“Who doesn’t know her?” Jiwoong laughed. “Gyuvin’s won some pretty respectable titles.” 

“It’s not that many,” Gyuvin replied shrugging. 

“How many times have you gotten an individual award at states again?” Jiwoong asked.

“Only four,” Gyuvin replied. “One per year of high school.” 

“And second at nationals?” 

“I only competed once,” Gyuvin explained. “I was invited to be on another team but being away from my own team felt wrong.” 

Cait and Ashley were gawking at Gyuvin, trying to make it make sense. She heard the other newbies whispering and she glanced over at them. Rikki was staring at her, blinking. When Gyuvin met her eyes she frowned. 

“Wait, so you’re a nationally awarded cheerleader? Why didn’t I know?”

Gyuvin shrugged. “I don’t like to make a big deal about it.”

“She’s good,” Jiwoong interrupted. “I’ve seen her perform.”

“I’m really not that good,” Gyuvin laughed. 

Jiwoong sat back in her chair. “Okay. Run through your spiel for us.”

“Sure,” Gyuvin replied. “Gyuvin Kim. First year. I’ve been cheering since I was 10. Before that, I was doing gymnastics and taekwondo.” 

“Position?” Ashley asked.

“Tumbler.” 

Jiwoong grinned at her. “Show them.”

Gyuvin nodded. She walked calmly to the end of the mat. As she did, she locked eyes with Rikki. The blonde was looking at her curiously, waiting. Gyuvin kept her eyes as she peeled off her shirt and flung it directly at her. She turned towards the mat and took in a breath.

She started easy, kicking into a handstand. She held it for a moment, turning and adjusting her position before kicking around into a cartwheel. Her body moved for her, pushing her through a sequence of cartwheels and ending in a layout. She stood up, raising her hands in a classic cheer pose and gave her best grin. 

“That was good!” Cait said, clapping. Jiwoong stopped her. She looked at Gyuvin, raising an eyebrow.

“You can do better than that,” she said.

“Sorry,” Gyuvin replied, “I was just warming up.”

“Show us what you’ve really got.”

Gyuvin nodded. Okay. This time for real. She took in a deep breath and stared down the mat. Then, she started running.

It was like flying. Gyuvin felt the rush as she pushed her body forward. Her mind became blank, letting her body move on its own. She thinks she started in a handspring, but from there she let herself twist and turn and launch forward how she wished. She wasn’t really even touching the ground, mainly sticking to aerials and turnouts. A forward aerial brought her to the end and she stood up, raising her hands as she did the first time and breathing heavily. It took her a few moments to focus. Everyone was staring at her, mouths open. 

“Fuck,” one girl whispered. 

“We’re screwed,” another breathed. 

Gyuvin locked eyes with Rikki. She was gazing at her with her lips parted, breathing heavily. Gyuvin smiled at her and she swallowed, a light blush colouring her cheeks. 

“Oh, I see,” Cait laughed. “I can see what got Ji Ji so hyped.”

“See?” Jiwoong replied. “Gyu is amazing.” 

“It was alright?” Gyuvin asked. 

“You didn’t show us your special move,” Jiwoong said, leaning forward.

“What?” Gyuvin asked, confused. 

“You know,” Jiwoong said, rolling her eyes. “ That.”

Ah. Gyuvin understood now. She rolled her eyes back and sighed. She readied herself, took in a deep breath, bent her knees and did her little  party trick.  Did that party trick happen to be a backflip? Maybe. Gyuvin pulled the same pose she did the other time, smiling sweetly at Jiwoong.

“Ta-da!” She called sarcastically. 

“Go sit down,” Jiwoong laughed. Gyuvin gave a little bow. She turned back to the crowd and came over. The girls shifted out of her way as she approached, all still ogling her. Gyuvin slid down right next to Rikki and took her t-shirt off her. 

“Thanks for keeping this safe,” she said, slipping it on. 

“It’s no problem,” Rikki replied, turning away from her. Gyuvin raised an eyebrow. She’d been expecting another snarky remark. She poked Rikki’s side.

“What did you think?” She asked her. 

Rikki schooled her expression. “I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.”

*

Even after her performance, Gyuvin could never feel safe. If she had to name one toxic trait about herself it was she was humble to a fault. She could answer every question right on a test and still think she was going to fail. Not like she would answer every question right on a test; her talents were in cheering, not in academics. 

“Can you sit down?” Her roommate asked. 

“If I sit down, I’ll literally explode,” Gyuvin replied. 

Gunwook looked her up and down. “Has anyone ever told you they think you might have ADHD?”

Gyuvin had heard that before. From almost every teacher she had, actually. Unfortunately, her parents weren’t the type to believe in ‘modern inventions’ like ‘ADHD’ and ‘bisexuality’. Both were unfortunate for Gyuvin but convenient for her sister who was a likely autistic lesbian. Much more acceptable. Gyuvin sighed and sat down. “Three weeks of a psychology degree and you think you can diagnose me?” 

“I’m simply observing,” Gunwook said. She tucked her hair behind her ear. Gyuvin, like a self-full-filling prophecy, started jiggling her leg.

“Have you ordered the food?” She asked. “I’m fucking starving.” 

Gunwook checked her phone. “Pizza will be here in like two minutes.” 

“And chicken?”

“And chicken,” Gunwook confirmed. She put her phone down. “I still think we shouldn’t be doing this.”

Gyuvin shrugged. They’d ordered delivery to the dorms like 5 times over the last 3 weeks. “We haven’t been caught yet.” 

“There’s always a first,” Gunwook sighed, getting off the ground. “I’ll go meet the driver. Stay here and try not to blow up or something.”

“Easier said than done,” Gyuvin replied.

*

The text came when Gyuvin had a drumstick in her mouth. Her phone buzzed and the screen lit up. Gyuvin reached for it instantly, not bothering to swallow. She unlocked it with greasy fingers and opened the message. Her eyes scanned over the screen, needing a few tries to take in the words.

Jiwoong: Congratulations! You’ve been selected to come back for second tryouts. Please come to the gymnasium at 8 am tomorrow. This section of tryouts will take a few hours. 

Gyuvin screamed. It was muffled, given her mouth full of chicken, but it was still loud. 

“Careful!” Gunwook urged. “Don’t choke to death!”

Gyuvin swallowed her mouthful. “I got in!”

“Seriously?” Gunwook asked. “You’re on the squad?” 

“No, not yet,” Gyuvin said, shaking her head. “I have to do another day of tryouts.” 

“Damn, two days for a dance club?” Gunwook asked.

“I know you’re just baiting me,” Gyuvin said, poking out her tongue. “Cheer is serious.”

“Serious is it?” Gunwook said, raising her eyebrow.

“Says you,” Gyuvin replied. “Aren’t you joining the swim team?”

“And tennis,” Gunwook added. She picked up a slice of pizza and took a bite. Gyuvin’s phone buzzed again. Jiwoong had sent another message. Well, rather than a message, it was more of a video. It was shaky, obviously taken by someone sitting with the 11 girls rather than one of the three at the table, but it was clear what was happening. Gyuvin smiled to herself, and passed the phone to her roommate. Gunwook’s eyes widened. “Holy shit. That’s you?”

“Yep,” Gyuvin replied, grinning. 

Gunwook passed the phone back to her. “I take back what I said about some dance club.”

Gyuvin smiled to herself, satisfied.

*

Summer break had Gyuvin missing mornings like this. Being in the gym, warming up and getting ready to cheer, was what she loved. Gyuvin was one of the first ones there, followed closely by other girls peeling in. Rikki was one of the last ones to appear. She was in a longer t-shirt today, with black tights rather than the black shorts from yesterday. Despite being 8 am, she still had her blonde hair perfectly waved and a full face of makeup. She made eye contact with Gyuvin as she entered. 

Gyuvin blushed. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t expecting her to be here. She’d been phenomenal. It was just… seeing her put Gyuvin at ease. She didn’t have time to dwell on it as Jiwoong came forward and grabbed their attention.

“Okay, girls. Thank you for being here!” she said. She looked around at the nervous group. “Now there are six of you at the moment… four of you will make it onto the squad.” 

Six, talented girls. Gyuvin looked around at them and wondered who wouldn’t make the cut. Her eyes ghosted over Rikki who tensed at Jiwoong’s words. Was she… nervous?

“Here’s how it’s going to work,” Ashley spoke. “You’ll be in groups of three and me and Cait will work with you to go through some formations and lifts. Ji Ji will be watching and assessing you.”

Cait looked at her phone, “I’ll be working with… Lauren, Rikki, and Gyuvin! Come this way.” 

Gyuvin glanced at Rikki. The blonde was startled but nodded. Gyuvin sidled up to her.

“Looks like we’ll be in the same group,” she said, leaning in.

“Looks like it,” Rikki replied. 

“You’re not being mean to me today,” Gyuvin commented. 

“Do you want me to?” Rikki asked, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“I’d prefer it if you don’t hate me, sweetheart,” Gyuvin replied with a laugh. Rikki paused. 

“I don’t hate you,” she said. “You were just annoying me yesterday.”

“Annoying you?”

“I was just trying to stretch and you were all up in my space,” Rikki explained. “And you wouldn’t stop talking.” 

“Sorry,” Gyuvin replied. She shook her curly hair out of her face. “I tend to do that sometimes.”

“Noted,” Rikki replied, turning away. There was more she wasn’t saying but Gyuvin would have to push another time. Cait came to a stop. 

“We’re going to go through some team lifts. Lauren and Gyuvin, you’ll be the bases. Rikki, you’ll be the flyer.”

“What position should I take?” Rikki asked, already getting ready. 

“We’ll start just standing strong. It’s more about getting you up there and down safely. Once we’re comfortable we can try some more advanced poses, okay? Now let’s get ready.”

Gyuvin moved into position. Lauren, the girl across from her, was a cute black girl with a pretty smile. She grinned at Gyuvin. 

“You were really good yesterday,” she commented. 

“Thanks,” Gyuvin replied. She racked her brain for something she could say about the other girl. Her eyes had mainly been on Rikki. Finally, she found something. “Your dancing was really clean.”

“Thank you!” Lauren laughed. “Choreo is my speciality.”

“Alright girls, let’s get into position for a liberty lift, okay?” Cait interrupted. She turned to Rikki. “I’ll be taking the back position. I’ll have you if you’re unstable.”

“Thanks,” Rikki said politely, but her smile held a different message: as if.

“Get ready!” Cait called. Gyuvin and Lauren both bent their knees and cupped their hands. Rikki placed a hand on each of their shoulders. As she did, Gyuvin noticed how small her hands were. Cait called again. “Okay step up!”

Rikki took a step into Gyuvin’s hand. Gyuvin braced herself, readying for the weight. She’d done base work before but it wasn’t her strongest position. Luckily, Rikki was light and she kept her body solid. Lauren supported her ankle and readied another hand under Gyuvin’s. Cait held her from the back. “Okay, we’ll lift on the 8.”

Gyuvin tensed, ready. Rikki coiled herself like a spring, ready to get up.

“5, 6, 7, 8!”

Gyuvin pushed up in a powerful movement. Rikki rose into the air, stiff as a board. Gyuvin almost pushed too high and panicked, remembering that the other girls needed to be able to stabilise her. With a bent elbow, she wasn’t as solid as she wanted to be. Despite this, it was the girl across from Gyuvin that freaked out.

“Oh shit,” Lauren squeaked, losing her grip. 

“Come down!” Cait yelled suddenly. They collapsed the formation with Rikki falling into them. She made a little sound and huffed when she got down. She turned to Lauren.

“What the fuck was that?” She hissed.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t feel stable!”

“You almost dropped me!”

“It’s because Gyuvin’s too tall!” Lauren complained. “I could barely reach you!” 

“Don’t blame her just because you’re incompetent!” Rikki snapped.

“Hey,” Gyuvin spoke, putting a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. I know it’s awkward working with me.” 

“How about this,” Cait interrupted. “We’ll try the lift again. I’ll take the base position while you take the back, okay?”

“Fine,” Ricky said, flicking her hair over her shoulder. 

“Is that okay with you, Gyu?” Cait asked. 

Gyuvin shrugged. “I’ll do whatever.” 

They switched positions and Gyuvin got behind Rikki. Cait and Lauren lined up, much more evenly matched. Cait looked at the blonde. “Okay, when you’re ready, you can step. Gyu, get ready to stabilise.”

Rikki stepped forward onto Cait’s hand and Gyuvin moved to steady her. She knew what to do. It was only… she didn’t exactly realise what it meant to stabilise in this position until it happened.

Gyuvin’s hand was on Rikki’s ass. It was exactly where it needed to be, planted on her seat, but it was well and truly her ass. It was a nice ass too. As Rikki bent over in position her rear came almost in line with Gyuvin’s chest. With her body bent forward and back flat, Gyuvin could see the shape of her mound through her thigh gap. 

“I’ll count for the lift, okay?” Cait called, bringing back Gyuvin’s focus. Right, she couldn’t be perving on her potential teammate now. She took in a breath.

“5, 6, 7, 8!”

Rikki was launched up again. Gyuvin quickly moved to grab her ankle to stabilise her. 

“How do you feel?” Cait called. 

“A lot better,” Rikki replied, holding her body rigid.

“Wanna do something fancy?” Cait suggested. 

“Like what?”

“Do a heel stretch!” Gyuvin called. She couldn’t see her face but she could imagine her eye-roll. Her free leg lifted and she brought it up by her ear. Cait and Lauren shook a little under her movement but kept her steady. 

“Brilliant!” Cait called. “Okay, how do you feel about a little toss to dismount?”

“You’re asking me as if I’m not a fucking cheerleader,” Rikki laughed, lowering her leg.

“Ready girls?” Cait said to the bases. They both nodded and Cait looked up. “Okay, Rikki. 5, 6, 7, 8.”

Rikki was only thrown a little but Lauren, bless her heart, miscalculated the angle. Instead of going straight up and into the pair’s arms she was thrown backwards. Gyuvin moved quickly, circling her hands around the girl’s waist and stopping a fall from happening. Instead of crashing to the earth, Rikki was lowered down delicately. 

“Are you okay?” Gyuvin asked as Rikki fell back a little towards her torso.

“I’m fine,” Rikki said, shaking off Gyuvin’s hands from her hips. “Or I would be if Lauren would stop fucking dropping me.”

“I’m sorry!” Lauren apologised. 

“Hey Rikki,” Cait spoke. “Are you up for one more lift?” 

Rikki looked at her. “I’m up for anything as long as it doesn’t involve being dropped on my head.”

“How about a partner stunt?” 

Rikki gawked at her. “A partner stunt?”

Cait nodded. She then turned. “Gyu, have you done partner lifts before?”

“Not for a long time,” Gyuvin admitted. “But I’m sure I could.”

“Great,” Cait smiled. “If you’re up to it, I wanna see what you two can do.” 

“I don’t think-“

“Why not?” Rikki interrupted. She looked at Gyuvin. “You could lift me, right?”

Gyuvin looked her up and down. “I think I could manage that.”

Cait smiled and looked around the gym. “Hey Ji Ji! Come here a sec.”

Jiwoong looked up from her notes and strode over. “What’s up?”

“These two are going to try a partner stunt,” Cait announced.

Jiwoong’s eyes widened. “Cait, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“It’s fine, trust me!” She insisted. “I have a feeling about this.”

“If they get hurt…” Jiwoong started.

“They won’t. Trust,” Cait said. “Ash, you should see this too.”

Ashley, who was drinking water, jogged over. “See what?”

“Okay girls, just take it slow,” Cait said. 

Gyuvin looked to Rikki. She didn’t seem scared at all. “You won’t drop me, right?”

“Just trust me, sweetheart,” Gyuvin replied. “Let’s get you up.”

Rikki nodded and she took position in front of Gyuvin. Cait came to spot on the side but gave them space. Gyuvin’s hands found Rikki’s hips. Rikki flinched under her touch but took a breath in. 

“Okay… I’m ready,” she spoke, steadying herself.

“You ready to go up?” Gyuvin asked. Rikki nodded, her blonde hair tickling Gyuvin’s chin. Gyuvin gripped harder. “Okay. 3, 2, 1.”

She launched Rikki into the air and switched her hands quickly to grab her feet. She took the girl against her shoulders. The sudden weight of a whole human on her made her knees bend but she steadied herself quickly. Once she was up, Rikki felt light. She did a good job of hollowing her body just right and balancing to take the weight off Gyuvin.

“Are you doing okay?” Gyuvin grunted. 

“I’m doing fantastic,” Rikki replied. “You’re fucking tall, darling.”

The people in the gym clapped and cheered at their feat. Jiwoong was blinking a them. “You actually did it!”

“Jesus Gyu, you’re strong!” Ashley commented. 

Gyuvin wasn’t really paying attention to them. She glanced upwards. “Hey, Rikki.”

“What?”

“Want to blow them away?” 

“How?”

“I need you to trust me,” Gyuvin replied. “Do you trust me, sweetie?”

Rikki’s body tensed, but not in a bad way. “I trust you.”

Gyuvin dug deep and pushed. Rikki’s body rose further into the air until she was all the way past Gyuvin’s head.

“Shit!” one of the girls from the other group called. 

“Okay I think that’s enough girls,” Ashley commented, breathless. 

“I’ll catch you,” Gyuvin called to the girl in the air.

“Um no you won’t. We’re lowering down from this one,” Cait warned.

It was too late. Gyuvin had already given Rikki a little push and she fell into the other’s arms. Gyuvin lowered her down and set her right on her feet. 

“Shit,” Jiwoong spoke, blinking. “Well, that was fucking fantastic.”

“See,” Cait said. “I was onto something.”

Jiwoong shook her head. “I need an aspirin and some thinking time after that,” she muttered to herself, walking away. 

Rikki, still in Gyuvin’s arms, turned to her. “Thanks for not dropping me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.”

*

Gyuvin grinned at her sister. “Unnie! You’ve got a crush on her!” 

Taerae groaned. “She’s pretty, alright?”

It was cute. Seeing her big sister flustered over some muscle mommy was cute. Gyuvin couldn’t wait for them to kiss, hook up, get married and have pretty little lesbian babies together or whatever. It was about time, given Taerae’s tragic loneliness where Gyuvin had enjoyed her high school years. She wanted to say something else but she was interrupted. 

Gyuvin spotted her right away. Rikki walked into the hall, chatting to a tall guy with round eyes. Her hair was waved like it usually was but unlike the last two times Gyuvin had seen her, she was dressed in a short black skirt, paired with a white shirt and matching black blazer. She never looked cheap but here she looked  expensive. 

“Gyu?” Taerae asked, looking at where Gyuvin was staring. Rikki, as if noticing their gaze, turned. Gyuvin panicked and did the first thing she could think of: she stuck up her finger and grinned at her. Taerae panicked and slapped her hand. “Hey! What are you doing? Grow up!”

“Sorry,” Gyuvin replied. She kept her gaze on Rikki who rolled her eyes. She then turned away, ignoring her completely. Rude. 

“Who even is that?” Taerae asked. 

“No one,” Gyuvin replied, hoping she didn’t sound too defensive. She shook her head. “Back to your crush.”

Taerae groaned but Gyuvin knew she loved it. They spent a while talking about Taerae’s roommate. Gyuvin came to a few conclusions. The first was that Taerae was so terribly, hopelessly gay it was unbelievable. You’d think as a chaotic bisexual Gyuvin would have more trouble but  no.  Second was that Taerae was obviously madly in love with this girl. It was probably only time before they ended up banging or something. As they talked, Gyuvin’s eyes wandered over to where Rikki was sitting with the other guy. He was talking to her in a low tone while she nodded and quietly pushed food around on her plate. 

“Okay, you’re going to have to tell me who that girl is,” Taerae sighed. “You keep staring at her.”

“I don’t,” Gyuvin replied, turning back to the table.

“Gyu.”

“We tried out for cheer together,” Gyuvin admitted. It felt like an oversimplification but it wasn’t a lie.

“So… you’re both on the squad together?” Taerae asked. “Or did she not get in?”

“Well, I don’t know!” Gyuvin sighed, stabbing a carrot. “It’s been over a week and I haven’t heard anything.”

“Seriously?” Taerae asked. “Does it usually take this long?”

“Not usually,” Gyuvin stressed. “Maybe I just didn’t get in.”

“That’s impossible,” Taerae scoffed. 

“Who knows, maybe I fucked up somehow.”

“Look,” Taerae said firmly. “I don’t know jack shit about cheerleading but I do know that you’re fucking good at it.”

Gyuvin poked at her carrots again. “But it’s been so long…”

“I’m sure you’ll hear back soon.”

*

It was a Wednesday almost two weeks from the tryouts that the news came. The text came while Gyuvin was in a history lecture. Her phone lit up on her desk while she was trying to take notes. She sighed and went to turn it over but as she did she saw the first line. 

Jiwoong: Thank you so much for trying out for ZBU’s cheer squa…

The rest was cut off. Gyuvin scrambled to unlock her phone. She held her breath and read the message. 

Jiwoong: Thank you so much for trying out for ZBU’s cheer squad. Every participant gave it their all and we were all so impressed with the quality of the athletes auditioning. Unfortunately, we could only offer four places this year. The following students have successfully secured a place on the team:

Aubrey Allen

Jessica Francis

Gyuvin Kim

Rikki Shen

We will be having a meeting and debrief in the gym tomorrow at 8. Please be prompt.

Stay cheering! - Captain Ji Ji.

Gyuvin read it again.  Gyuvin Kim. Rikki Shen.  She was in. They were both in. 

Gyuvin stood. Her chair clattered behind her, drawing the attention of those around her.

“Miss Kim, sit down!” The lecturer called, stopping her speech about the civil war.

“I gotta go,” Gyuvin announced.

“Pardon?”

“I gotta…” Gyuvin scrambled up her stuff from her desk. “I gotta run, sorry!”

“Miss Kim! We are in the middle of a lecture!” 

It was too late. Gyuvin was already pushing past the other students into the aisle. Once she was there she made a run for it. She pushed out into the hall and leaned against the wall. It was only then she let out a little scream. She made it. They made it.

Gyuvin calmed herself. At that moment she only knew one thing: she had to find her. 

*

The thing is, Gyuvin didn’t have any clue where Rikki might be. Did she know the girl’s schedule? no. Did she even know what she was studying? also no. She might not have even been on campus that day. 

Either way, Gyuvin spent over an hour running around campus like a maniac. She ran through the halls, her head swivelling back and forth as she searched. She peered into classrooms and lecture theatres, just in case Rikki would be inside. People stared at her and whispered. It was a fair call. Seeing a 5 foot 9 girl sprinting through the corridors was probably not something you saw every day.

If there was one thing about Gyuvin it was this: she was determined. That determination paid off when, after an hour of searching, she found her. 

Rikki was exiting the cafeteria, holding onto the arm of that man Gyuvin had seen her with the other day. He was talking to her about something and she was frowning, blowing him off. She wore another miniskirt today, paired with an expensive-looking bomber jacket. Gyuvin sprinted towards them.

“Rikki!” 

She looked up, eyes widening. “What the fuck?” 

Gyuvin skidded to a stop. She bent in half, panting. “Rikki! oh my god, thank god I found you!” 

“Why are you so sweaty?” Rikki asked, frowning at her. 

The man, who was about Gyuvin’s height, bent down and muttered something in Chinese to the blonde. Rikki replied in a short, sharp voice. The man’s eyes widened and he grinned. He said something else and Rikki hit him. Gyuvin didn’t need to know Chinese to gather that her next words were something along the lines of ‘fuck off’. 

A knot twisted in Gyuvin’s stomach. She pushed it down and focused on the issue at hand. “Have you not seen it?”

“Seen what?” Rikki sighed. 

“Your phone?” Gyuvin asked. “Did you get the text?”

“I’ve been in a lecture and having lunch with Ting… how was I supposed to-“

As she spoke she pulled out her phone. What she saw made her pause, eyes widening. Gyuvin grinned at her. “We got in!”

Rikki swallowed. “Of course we got in,” she drawled. 

“You’re in the cheer team?” the guy asked. “congrats, Ri.” 

Rikki nudged him and smiled at him sweetly. It was a smile that Gyuvin hadn’t seen on the girl before. The knot twisted harder. Rikki turned towards Gyuvin. “Why are you still here?”

“What?” Gyuvin replied, blinking.

“You’ve told me the news. Now you can get out of my space.”

Right. Gyuvin swallowed. “Sorry, yeah… I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

The smile Rikki gave her was not the same smile she’d given the guy. It was tight and sarcastic. “Yeah, see you.”

*

“Hey Gyu, I need to talk to you for a second.”

It was an ominous way to start their first official training. Jiwoong’s face didn’t hold even a hint of a smile. Gyuvin, who had been trying to find a uniform to fit her in the box, looked up. 

“Me? Sure just give me a second.”

“Now, please,” Jiwoong urged.

Gyuvin met eyes with Rikki before getting up. She followed Jiwoong out of the gym. As they walked, Gyuvin wondered what she could have done wrong. Was Jiwoong going to yell at her for something? The room they ended up in was like an office of sorts, filled with cheer photos, medals and memorabilia.

“What’s up?” Gyuvin asked, trying to hide her nervousness. 

Jiwoong sighed. “You might want to take a seat.” 

“I’m fine,” Gyuvin replied. Sitting down would just make things worse. She never was good at sitting down.

Jiwoong sighed again. “Gyu… After some long discussions with the team and reviewing your auditions… we decided to give you a position as a base, not a tumbler.” 

At that moment, Gyuvin felt her heart break. It wasn’t so much a snap as it was a crush: as if it was taken in a vice and squeezed until it collapsed in on itself. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” Jiwoong repeated. “We talked about it for a long time and we thought it was the best position for you.” 

“Am I not good enough?” Gyuvin asked. Her voice cracked as she spoke and she felt tears welling in her eyes. “Is that it? Am I not good enough?”

“No no no!” Jiwoong panicked. She put a hand on Gyuvin’s shoulder. “You’re the best tumbler on our team!” 

“Then why…”

“You’re also the best base,” Jiwoong said. She let go of Gyuvin’s shoulder. “You’re seriously one of the strongest girls I’ve ever seen.”

Gyuvin sniffed. “I haven’t trained much as a base though…” 

“Please Gyu,” Jiwoong begged. “We’re a small squad and we only have like, one guy on the team. If we stand a chance of actually making it to states or regionals this year we need to do some crazy shit. With you, I think we can.”

“But I tumble,” Gyuvin stressed. That was who she was. She felt like she was born to run and flip and dive, not to lift. 

“I know,” Jiwoong said. “And you’re fucking amazing at it… But we don’t need amazing tumblers right now. What we need is height.” 

Gyuvin sniffed again. “When you say we need to do crazy shit…” 

“I’ll explain out there,” Jiwoong assured her. She then reached behind herself and grabbed something. “Before that, have this.”

Gyuvin pulled out the uniform. It was perfect for her. Just the right size. pinned to the front of the top was a little badge. Gyuvin looked closer to read it. When she did, her heart leapt. In little cursive writing was one word: ace.

*

After her conversation with Jiwoong, Gyuvin expected to be the last one in the locker rooms. To her surprise, she wasn’t alone. Rikki stood in front of the mirror clad only in her bra and panties. 

Gyuvin wouldn’t say she’d spent  that  much time imagining what Rikki’s underwear would look like but she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought of it at all. She’d been imagining something black and lacy, or even a g-string. But no. Rikki wore a matching set of frilly, mesh pink underwear, adorned with little strawberries. Oddly enough, it suited her. The more Gyuvin stared the more her face blushed. No… Rikki looked fucking  hot .

Rikki stood in the mirror, staring at herself. She twisted, tucked her pelvis, and frowned. She then turned to the side and placed a hand on her waist, thumb and index finger landing on either side. She made a little noise and changed her angle again. This time she raised her arms above her head and stared at her flat chest. Gyuvin stared at it too. She had such little breasts, cloaked entirely by the strawberry-printed fabric. Shit… what was she doing staring at her like this.

“Oi Rikki!” Gyuvin called. “You’re feeling yourself there sweetheart?”

Rikki dropped her arms and turned towards Gyuvin. The look of horror on her face was not missed. Her breath came in a sharp gasp as a blush stained her cheeks. “Gyuvin!” 

“You can go back to checking yourself out or whatever,” Gyuvin laughed. “Some of us are going to get changed for practice.” 

“I wasn’t…” Rikki swallowed. Her sharp, stony expression returned. “Whatever.”

*

Being in a uniform made it real. The blue and white of ZBU’s uniform paired perfectly with the little rose motif on each of their tops. As they all stood together in a crowd of blue and white, Gyuvin felt like part of the team. They all crowded around Jiwoong, whispering.

“Alright, here’s the deal,” Jiwoong spoke. “We have 3 weeks until we’ve got our first showcase. This isn’t a competition but it will get people talking about us. It’s our first chance to really get our name out there!”

“We’re sticking to our core routine, right?” one girl asked. 

“About that,” Jiwoong said. “We’ll keep our core routine for the most part but now we actually have a third flyer. Welcome Rikki!”

Everyone turned to Rikki who smiled and gave a sarcastic curtsey. 

“So we can put more stunts into our routine?” another girl asked. 

Jiwoong suddenly grinned. “We’re going to do a partner stunt sequence.”

“Cap, I can’t do partner stunts!” the only guy on the team complained. “Three weeks isn’t enough time to learn!”

“I wasn’t talking about you, Jake,” Jiwoong said, rolling her eyes. She then pointed to Gyuvin. “It’ll be her!”

“Me?” Gyuvin exclaimed.

“Gyuvin and Rikki are going to do a partner routine for the next showcase!”

“Ji Ji that’s crazy!” Ashley sighed. “They’re both newbies.”

“Are you girls up to it?” Jiwoong asked, looking at them both. 

Gyuvin turned to Rikki and raised her eyebrow. “Are you up to it, sweetie?”

Rikki scoffed. “Of course I am, darling.”

*

Training went like this: They walked through and marked out the routine as a whole before practising parts to music. They would run through choreography and formations over and over again before trying to put it together. Learning a routine that most of the team already knew was tough but Gyuvin picked it up soon enough. The second part of practice was dedicated solely to Rikki and Gyuvin practising their partner stunt.

The plan: Gyuvin would launch Rikki up, just like she did in tryouts, but instead of catching her with both feet she would catch and stabilise one. Rikki would then be thrust into the air and take a bow and arrow position. They would end with Rikki being tossed in the air, twisting, and falling safely into Gyuvin’s arms.

That was the plan, but the reality was a little different. Rikki and Gyuvin worked on the stunt together, over and over again, but no matter how many times they did it, Rikki just wasn’t getting up right. Whenever Gyuvin grasped her hips she would tense, flinching under the other girl’s fingers. On her part, Gyuvin also had a hard time concentrating. She didn’t know what was getting into her but having Rikki in her arms made her lose so much focus. 

After a week of this, a week of failure, Jiwoong had had enough. “What the hell has gotten into you two?” she snapped as Rikki came down from another shaky lift. 

“I’m sorry Ji,” she replied.

“Sorry?” Jiwoong huffed. “Was your tryout just a fluke?” 

“It wasn’t!” Gyuvin insisted. “We’re sorry we’ll keep trying!”

“Do you know what?” Jiwoong sighed. “You two are going to stay here until you have the lift. If we don’t have it by tomorrow I’m axing it.”

“Got it,” Gyuvin said, swallowing. Jiwoong muttered something to herself and shook her head, walking off. Once she was gone, Gyuvin and Rikki were alone in the gym. Rikki clenched her teeth.

“Let’s try again.”

“Sure,” Gyuvin replied. They set up like they always did. Gyuvin’s hands found Rikki’s hips and she held on tight. Rikki tensed like always. Gyuvin had a bad feeling about it but she counted anyway. “5, 6, 7, 8.”

Rikki got up in the air and Gyuvin caught her at her shoulder, but instead of straightening, shook. “Down!”

Gyuvin moved to catch her as she folded. Rikki came to the ground, breathing heavily. “You okay?” Gyuvin asked.

“Fuck…” Rikki cursed. She closed her eyes and frowned to herself. “Why can’t I just fucking get it?”

“Rikki, what’s up with you?” Gyuvin asked. “This isn’t you.”

“I know it isn’t!” Rikki snapped. “I just… I’m scared.”

“You’re scared?” Gyuvin asked, frowning. “Rikki you’re a flyer, you’re made to be up in the air!”

“I’m not scared of the height, okay?” Rikki snapped.

“Then what…”

“I’m scared of you dropping me…” 

Gyuvin’s shoulders dropped. She reached forward. “Hey Rikki… I’m sorry… did I do something to make you scared?”

Rikki shook her head. “You didn’t do anything.”

“Rikki,” Gyuvin said firmly. “You need to trust me.”

“But how?” Rikki snapped. 

Instead of getting angry, Gyuvin reached for Rikki’s hand, grabbing it gently. She pulled her in. “How about we try something else?”

“What are you suggesting?” Rikki whispered. 

Gyuvin rested her hands gently on Rikki’s hips. “We’ll get you up this way. You can look at me so you know I’ve got you.” 

Rikki shivered. It was such as small movement that Gyuvin wouldn’t have felt it if they weren’t so close. After a moment, she nodded. “Let’s try.”

Gyuvin smiled at her. She braced herself properly and gripped Rikki’s hips harder. Rikki tensed under her hands and looked up into her eyes. Gyuvin stroked her hipbone with her thumb. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. Are you ready?” 

Rikki nodded. “I’m ready,”

“5, 6, 7, 8.”

Gyuvin kept Rikki’s gaze as she lifted her up. There was just a moment where she could see Rikki’s breath getting caught in her throat. As she rose she stiffened. She was still on Gyuvin’s shoulder. Gyuvin stabilised her. “I’ve got you baby. You okay?” 

“Let’s go higher!” Rikki called. Gyuvin’s heart raced in her chest. With a push, Rikki was launched all the way up, balancing on a single leg above Gyuvin’s head. She pulled her leg up and past her ear. “Yes!” 

“Rikki you’re amazing!” Gyuvin huffed. “Let’s get you down!” 

She gave a little push and let go. Rikki lowered her leg and bent her knees as Gyuvin grabbed her. She stumbled a little on the dismount and fell into Gyuvin’s arms, panting. “Holy shit.”

“That was brilliant,” Gyuvin gasped. “You did amazing, sweetie.”

Rikki laughed. “Not without you, darling.”

She steadied herself. As she did, she put her small hands on Gyuvin’s chest. Gyuvin looked down at her as she looked up. It was then she noticed how close they were. Rikki was practically pressed against her, staring up at her and panting, while Gyuvin’s heart rabbited in her chest. Gyuvin looked down at her parted lips. They were so plump and so… kissable. All she’d have to do is reach down and…

“Do you want to try that again?” Rikki asked, pushing away from Gyuvin’s chest.

Gyuvin swallowed. “Sure, just give me a second.”

She turned away as her cheeks filled with red blush. Oh god…

*

“Gunwook, you know everyone, right?” Gyuvin asked. 

“I don’t,” Gyuvin’s roommate replied from her bed, “but go ahead.”

“What can you tell me about Rikki Shen?” 

Gunwook sat up. “Oh, Rikki? Yeah, I know Rikki!”

“You do?” Gyuvin asked. 

“Yeah. She’s a fine arts major. She’s pretty close to my swim team captain or something. I think they’re in the CSA together.”

“Country Women’s Association?”

“That’s a CWA,” Gunwook laughed. “I meant the Chinese Student’s Association.”

“Okay what else,” Gyuvin asked. 

Gunwook pursed her lips and hummed. “We’ll she’s like… super rich I think. She has her own apartment downtown, wears exclusively designer brands, and drives a custom Tesla. Too bad that it's a  Tesla,  it has to be  custom  too.”

Gyuvin had gotten the sense that she was well off but to be  rich ? That was different. Gyuvin shook her head and asked the real question. “Is she single?”

Gunwook choked. “What sort of question is that?” 

“Just answer it,” Gyuvin replied, blushing.

Gunwook sighed. “I heard she’s got a boyfriend.”

Gyuvin’s heart sank. “Who?”

“Xiaoting Shen. A third-year psychology major.”

“They have the same surname,” Gyuvin commented, screwing up her nose. “That’s weird.”

“Are you related to every Kim out there?” Gunwook asked. 

“Kim is like, the most common Korean surname!” Gyuvin replied.

“Whatever,” Gunwook sighed. “I heard they were dating. They’re always seen together and Rikki always holds onto his arm and shit. They’re practically never apart.”

Gyuvin felt her stomach lurch. That guy she’d seen Rikki with… that was her boyfriend? It made sense. As Gyuvin thought of them she remembered the smile Rikki had given him. It was a smile that no one else was allowed to have. 

“I see…” She said quietly. 

“Why are you asking, anyway?” Gunwook asked.

“No reason,” Gyuvin replied.

No reason except that since that practice alone she’d done nothing but think of her. She couldn’t get it out of her brain. The plumpness of her lips, the steady, panting breath, the urge to kiss her… Gyuvin couldn’t stop it. It plagued her mind during the day and appeared in her dreams. Instead of Rikki in her cheer uniform, however, Gyuvin saw something else. She saw Rikki above her in her pretty pink strawberry panties, panting for a different reason. The Rikki in her dreams opened her pretty, kissable lips into a moan and whispered to Gyuvin how full her fingers made her. Every time it happened, Gyuvin woke wet and grateful for her roommate’s heavy sleeping as she pulled out her rabbit vibe for what seemed like the umpteenth time. 

Despite her obsession and perversion, they worked together better than ever. They nailed the combo, with Rikki even able to throw in a twist at the end before the fall. She always started facing Gyuvin, with a small reassurance that she had her before she was launched up. Somehow, the flip in direction made it look more advanced than the original version. Gyuvin’s restraint during practice was always rewarded in the locker room. Rikki always stayed a little late, fixing herself up in the mirror and pinching at her skin. It was a strange routine, but Gyuvin didn’t question it. Instead, she took the chance to get changed extra slowly, sneaking glances at the half-naked girl whenever she could. It was wrong and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop herself. 

One week out from the showcase, Jiwoong gathered them again. “Okay so we’re going to run through the moves leading up to our stunts one more time and we’ll put it all together next week okay?”

The squad were all breathing heavily but nodded anyway. Gyuvin took a swig of water. As she did, her eyes landed on Rikki. She was closing her eyes, squeezing them shut before opening them again. As she drank her own water, her hands shook. 

“Are you okay?” Gyuvin asked her, leaning in.

Rikki startled. “I’m fine.”

Gyuvin knew something was wrong. She could just tell. No one else around them seemed to notice anything. Jiwoong called for the positions and everyone started moving. Rikki’s eyes shook for a moment at the call. She made to get up but Gyuvin stopped her. “Hey… don’t push yourself, okay.”

“I’m fine,” Rikki repeated. Getting up. She swayed a little as she did but swatted away Gyuvin’s hand when she tried to help her. 

She said she was fine but Gyuvin knew something was wrong. She could see it. No one else noticed until they started going through the routine. Rikki wasn’t hitting the beats. Her moves were weak but strained and she swayed slightly on her feet. When she missed the cue for the first group stunt, Jiwoong called for the music to be stopped.

“Rikki what the hell is going on?” she stressed. The girl in question was bent over, breathing heavily.

“I’m sorry,” Rikki gasped. The weakness of it made Gyuvin’s heart lurch. “I can’t do this right now.” 

She pushed away from the group and stumbled weakly out of the gym. 

“Rikki?” Jiwoong called. “Come back!”

“I’ll check on her,” Gyuvin replied. She didn’t wait for confirmation, already following where Rikki had gone.

*

Rikki was sitting on the floor of the locker room, her head resting on her hands on the bench. She was breathing heavily, a soft gasp escaping her throat with each inhale.

“Rikki,” Gyuvin spoke. “Are okay?”

“I’m fine,” Rikki responded. She tried to raise her head but then shook it, pressing it harder into her hands. Gyuvin came to sit by her and placed a hand gently on her back. 

“Rikki, this is not someone who’s fine,” Gyuvin stressed. “Are you sick?”

“I’m not sick,” Rikki replied. 

“Rikki talk to me,” Gyuvin urged. “Please, I want to help you.”

Rikki managed to raise her head off her arms. “I’m not sick, okay?”

“Then what…”

“I’ve just… forgotten to eat today…” Rikki replied, avoiding Gyuvin’s gaze.

As someone who often forgot to eat, Gyuvin didn’t know if she believed her. There was just something about how she was saying it that seemed off. Even still, Gyuvin smiled at her. “Hey well, I have some protein bars and chips in my bag. I’ll get you some!”

“There’s no need,” Rikki replied quickly.

“But you’re hungry,” Gyuvin said. “We’ll just get something into you so you feel better.”

“I don’t need it,” Rikki snapped. Gyuvin’s heart dropped. 

“Rikki… did you eat yesterday?” She asked. 

“I ate 896 calories,” Rikki replied. Gyuvin blinked at her. She knew the exact amount? Not only that…

“That’s a really fucking low number, Rikki.”

“It’s not.”

“It is!” Gyuvin insisted. No one should be eating that little. Rikki glared at her. 

“Well, it was 652 on Wednesday and I managed to have it down to 590 on Monday.”

Gyuvin’s stomach lurched. “How do you know all those numbers?” 

“I just do,” Rikki replied. 

“Rikki, this isn’t healthy!”

“I’m just on a diet, okay?” Rikki snapped. 

Gyuvin sat up. “Rikki this isn’t a diet. You’re starving yourself!”

“It’s just until the showcase, okay?” Rikki stressed. “Then I’ll go back to 1000 a day.”

“Rikki-“

“I’ll just get through the showcase and then I’ll be allowed to eat more.”

It was the language of it.  Allowed . Gyuvin felt tears pool in her eyes. “Rikki… are you hearing yourself?”

It seems like Rikki did realise what she said because her cheeks blushed. “I’m in control, okay.”

“This isn’t ‘in control’, Rikki. You literally can’t stand. Do you not realise you’re killing yourself?”

“It’s fine,” Rikki insisted. “I’ve done this before.”

Gyuvin felt sick to her stomach. So this wasn’t the first time. She swallowed. “How long has this been happening?”

Rikki looked like she was going to deny it, but then she bit her lip. “Since high school. It was a game for a while. I liked seeing how low the numbers got and watching how people complimented me for it. It got better over the summer but now…”

“Did your parents ever notice?” Gyuvin asked. “Surely they’d notice you were getting sick?”

Rikki let out a sharp laugh. “Them? The people who praised me for how good I was at ‘managing my weight’? The people who put me through ballet classes in China that made us walk through the bars as a test of our worth?”

“So they don’t know?”

“I don’t think they’d care,” Rikki replied. “The only people who know about… this… are you and Ting.”

Right… Rikki’s boyfriend. Gyuvin swallowed. “Should I call your boyfriend to pick you up?”

Rikki frowned, confused. “My boyfriend?”

“Xiaoting,” Gyuvin clarified. “If my girlfriend had collapsed I’d wanna know.”

Rikki let out a loud laugh. “Xiaoting? My boyfriend? That’s hilarious!”

“He’s not?” Gyuvin asked. “But you’re always together?” 

Rikki rolled her eyes. “We’re related, dumbass.”

Gyuvin blinked. “You are?”

“Did the surname not tell you?” Rikki scoffed. “We’re both ‘Shen’.”

“I’m not related to every Kim!”

“Yeah well, basically every Korean is a Kim.”

Gyuvin would have to lecture Rikki about her racism later. For now, she was too busy putting the pieces together. “Wait so what is he… your brother?”

“My uncle, actually,” Rikki clarified. 

Whatever Gyuvin was expecting, it wasn’t that. “Your uncle? But you’re like the same age.” 

“He’s two years older than me,” Rikki said. “He’s my dad’s younger brother. Grandpa Shen was getting busy, I guess.”

“Jesus…” Gyuvin muttered, trailing off. “Okay, so he’s not your boyfriend…”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Rikki replied. 

Gyuvin ignored the little flip her heart did at that admission. “If he’s your uncle, why are you so close?”

“It’s complicated,” Rikki said. “Ting has lived with us practically all my life. We grew up together. We even live together now. He… He stayed behind in California while I finished high school and then transferred his degree and uprooted his life as soon as he knew I was moving here.” 

“He did all that for you?” Gyuvin asked, astonished. 

Rikki nodded. “I think he… I think he was keeping an eye on me… That he still is. He’s the only one who knows about…”

“About your eating disorder,” Gyuvin finished.

“It’s not that,” Rikki said, flinching back at her words. Gyuvin followed her, leaning in close.

“But it is, Rikki!” She urged. “You know it is!”

“Is giving it a name going to change anything?” Rikki snapped.

“You need to be honest with yourself,” Gyuvin stressed. 

“Why does it even fucking matter?” Rikki snapped, finally sitting up straight. “I don’t get why this is such a big deal to you!”

“Because I care about you, okay!” Gyuvin snapped back. 

Rikki blinked at her, mouth falling open. “What…”

“I care about you! I care about you so much, Rikki. Seeing you like this hurts so much.”

Rikki swallowed and clenched her jaw. “Caring about me isn’t going to take away the fact I don’t feel like I’m good enough. It’s not going to take away the feeling that the only way I can get better is to get smaller and smaller until I’m a good enough flyer. It won’t take away the fact that I spend most of my days obsessing about numbers; the ones on the scale, the ones in food. Every fucking day is a calculation for me and I can’t stop it.”

“I don’t need that to all magically disappear, Rikki,” Gyuvin spoke, voice cracking. “All I need is for you to know that you’re enough. That you’re loved.” 

Rikki looked her in the eyes and leaned closer. Gyuvin almost leaned away on instinct but she kept still. She could feel Rikki’s breath on her face. She was so close…

“Are you going to say it?” Rikki asked.

“Say what?” Gyuvin asked. Her heart beat faster in her chest. Why was Rikki so close? The blonde’s eye’s flickered downwards and she sucked in a short breath.

“Say it…”

All she could think of was how close Rikki was. Those pretty lips of hers were so close to Gyuvin’s face that if Gyuvin flinched, they’d touch.

“I don’t know what you want me to say…” She replied, voice shaking. Gyuvin watched Rikki’s expression darken. She sat back and turned her face away. Gyuvin blinked. “Rikki, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Rikki responded, not looking at her. She shifted. “I’ll try and get eat one of these protein bars and then call Ting to come get me.”

“Are you sure?” Gyuvin asked. “If it’s going to be hard…”

“I need to do it,” Rikki replied. She looked up at Gyuvin. “Can you just make sure no one comes in?” 

“Of course!” Gyuvin said. She got up and helped Rikki onto a bench. Rikki flinched under her touch but accepted the help. Gyuvin took a step back. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

Rikki looked up at her. When she met Gyuvin’s eyes she quickly looked away. “I’ll be fine. I’m just having a bad day.”

“If you’re sure,” Gyuvin replied. She wanted to believe her but something was still off. She wouldn’t meet Gyuvin’s eyes and that made her heart ache.

*

As much as Rikki said she was just having a bad day, things weren’t much better at the next practice. When Xiaoting had picked Rikki up, he’d given Gyuvin his number and said he’d keep her posted. He’d texted later that Rikki had a good meal and was recovering on the couch. The next morning he informed Gyuvin that Rikki managed to get down a few pieces of toast and a strawberry milk. Despite this positive change, Rikki was still weird.

She was avoiding Gyuvin. That much was clear. Gyuvin tried to approach her during practice, placing a hand on her and checking in on her. Each time, Rikki would flinch away from her touch, mutter something, and walk away. Their lifts weren’t very good either. Suddenly, Rikki wasn’t getting up like she was before. They couldn’t find the timing or the balance point. After she was down she would jerk out of Gyuvin’s grip. After their fifth bad attempt at the stunt, Gyuvin could tell the team was getting tired of them. Jiwoong especially was glaring at the pair. Gyuvin leaned down to Rikki before she could escape.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Can it wait?” Rikki snapped.

“Rikki please,” Gyuvin urged. Rikki clenched her jaw. She didn’t seem pleased but she followed Gyuvin away from the group. “What’s happening?”

“Nothing’s happening,” Rikki lied. “It’s fine.”

“Rikki, We’ve had this lift perfect for a week. Now suddenly we can’t do it. It’s like everything has been reset.” 

“We just need to need to practice.”

“Rikki,” Gyuvin sighed. “Sweetheart, what’s going on? Is it about yesterday?”

Rikki flinched. “Don’t call me that.”

“But I always call you that,” Gyuvin replied, frowning. It had been their joke from the beginning.  Darling  and  Sweetheart  had started as insults but gotten sweeter over the weeks. 

“Well stop it,” Rikki said. 

“Rikki, did I do something wrong?” She reached for the other girl and put her hands on her waist. Rikki jerked away.

“Don’t touch me like that!” She snapped. “I just can’t handle you touching me like that!”

“But Rikki…”

“Do you not get it?” Rikki hissed. 

“Not get what?” Gyuvin asked. Why were they fighting? She couldn’t think of anything she did wrong. Rikki shook her head.

“I can’t deal with this anymore!”

“Girls, what’s going on?” Jiwoong asked, approaching them.

“I can’t do this,” Rikki huffed. “I’m not doing the lift with Gyuvin anymore.”

“What?“ Gyuvin exclaimed.

“Rikki! We are less than a week from the showcase! We can’t just take out a whole stunt!” Jiwoong stressed.

“I don’t give a shit,” Rikki replied. “I can’t do it with her.”

“Rikki what-“

“Rikki!” Jiwoong growled. “You can’t just decide to take out a whole fucking lift.”

“I’ll do it with someone else then!” Rikki snapped. “Jake can do it.”

“Jake?”

Rikki looked around. She spotted the male member of their squad and stalked over. “Jake, you’re lifting me.”

“Hold on a second,” Jiwoong sighed, coming over. “You can’t just change the lift.”

“Either he’s doing it or I’m walking out.”

“Rikki, come on!” Gyuvin stressed. “I don’t understand! We had the stunt down.”

“I could try it,” Jake said, unhelpfully. “I’ve seen it plenty of times and could give it a go.”

Jiwoong sucked in a breath. She considered for a moment before shaking her head. “One try.”

“Let‘s do it,” Rikki huffed. 

“One try. If it doesn’t work we’re going with the original,” Jiwoong warned. “Everyone set up!”

Gyuvin just stood there dumbly, watching Rikki setting up for the stunt with Jake. It looked wrong. This was  their  stunt. She could barely stand seeing it. The man’s large hands on Rikki’s hips… The way she clenched her jaw when he touched her. It was all wrong. Someone counted down and Rikki launched into the air. It was wrong. Everything about it was wrong. Rikki shook. 

“She’s not stable!” Gyuvin called. 

“Fuck off, Gyuvin!” Rikki hissed. 

“Gyuvin step out of the way,” Jiwoong commanded. 

Gyuvin didn’t want to step back but she did as she was told. No one listened to her. Not when Rikki shook and not when they proceeded anyway, pushing her higher. 

She got so high before she fell. 

Jake’s hands suddenly buckled and Rikki came tumbling to the ground. One minute she was up there and the next she was on the ground with a thud. Gyuvin rushed in.

“Rikki! Rikki oh my god!”

“Shit!” Jiwoong cursed. “She’s down!” 

“You fucking dropped her!” Gyuvin cursed, pushing her teammate. “I told you she wasn’t stable.”

“I thought I had her!” Jake replied. “I swear I didn’t mean to drop her.”

“Rikki,” Jiwoong called, squatting down. “Rikki, are you with us?”

Gyuvin turned her attention to the girl on the floor. “Rikki, sweetheart, are you okay?”

Rikki stirred, groaned, and squeezed open her eyes. “Gyu?”

“Oh thank fuck…” Gyuvin sighed. 

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Jiwoong announced. 

“Don’t,” Rikki croaked.

“But Rikki…”

“Don’t call an ambulance. Please just don’t…” 

“Rikki,” Gyuvin said, leaning closer. “Sweetheart you’ve fallen… you could be hurt.”

Rikki reached for her top and held it in her weak grip. “Call Ting. Get him to pick me up.”

Gyuvin looked to Jiwoong. “Ji, can you get her phone? Call Xiaoting Shen.”

“Got it!” Jiwoong said, getting up. Gyuvin went to shift her weight, only to be gripped harder.

“Don’t leave,” Rikki whispered. 

Gyuvin looked down at her and gave her the best smile she could manage. “I won’t.”

*

By the time Xiaoting arrived, Rikki was able to sit up. She hissed in pain as propped herself off the ground but she was able to hold herself. Gyuvin still sat with her, letting her lean on her chest. Rikki didn’t say anything. She didn’t say anything in the gym or on the car ride to her apparent. Gyuvin sat in the back with her all the way there. Xiaoting drove in silence, watching the two in his rearview mirror in the back seat. 

Rikki may have been alert but she was still weak. She hissed and groaned as Gyuvin and Xiaoting moved her out of the car and upstairs to their apartment. It was a nice place. Very clean and modern and with fantastic city views. Gyuvin would have spent more time directing it all, learning more about Rikki through her choice of cups and armchairs, but she had more pressing matters at hand. The tender girl was guided into her bedroom and placed gingerly on her bed. 

Gyuvin flinched at the way Rikki hissed as she lay down. She closed her eyes and sunk into her pile of pillows. Gyuvin hovered nearby. 

“Rikki, are you doing okay? Does it hurt?” She asked.

“I’m fine,” Rikki replied. “I’m just bruised or whatever.”

“How far did she fall?” Xiaoting asked. He was still hovering by the doorway, watching his niece. Gyuvin bit her lip. 

“Pretty far…” 

Xiaoting frowned. He looked at Rikki and spoke something in Chinese. Rikki grumbled something back. Xiaoting tensed. He looked between Gyuvin and Rikki, glaring at the Korean girl before he said something louder and angrier. Rikki suddenly sat up.

“It wasn’t her who dropped me, okay?” Rikki snapped. “It’s my fault!”

Gyuvin perched on the edge of Rikki’s bed. “Hey settle down. You need to rest.”

“Rikki this is stupid,” Xiaoting spoke. “You can’t keep doing this.”

“I know I can’t,” Rikki spat back. She then switched to Chinese to say something else. Xiaoting’s face suddenly saddened. 

“Rikki…” He murmured. 

“So it’s hopeless,” Rikki said, finishing a conversation Gyuvin couldn’t understand.

Xiaoting took in a deep breath and turned to Gyuvin. “I need to head back to school. Make sure she doesn’t sleep, just in case.”

“Got it,” Gyuvin replied. Xiaoting nodded once before slipping out, leaving the two girls alone. They were silent for a while before Gyuvin spoke. “Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine,” Rikki replied; a catchphrase of hers at this point. 

“Rikki…”

“It was just a fall, okay?” 

“Rikki you’re hurt!” 

“Cheerleaders fall,” Rikki snapped. “It happens. I’m going to be fine so just stop!”

Gyuvin sat up straighter. “Fine. I’ll go then.”

Rikki, panicked, reached out for her. “Wait! Don’t leave!”

“You told me to stop,” Gyuvin replied. It broke her heart but she pushed through the pain. “I’ll just go.”

“Please,” Rikki whispered. All venom dropped from her tone, leaving her begging softly. “Don’t leave me.”

Gyuvin stood. She couldn’t do this. “How about you stop!” She snapped. 

“Gyu… I…”

“No stop, Rikki,” Gyuvin interrupted. “You can’t keep changing your mind!”

Rikki pushed herself to sit up a little. “I’m not changing my mind…”

“One minute you want me here and the next you’re pushing me away! You’re cold and then you’re warm. We’re fine one second and the next you’re risking everything to be away from me. We had everything perfect, we were working well together, and then suddenly everything goes to shit. I don’t understand, Rikki. I don’t understand why you keep pushing me away and then begging me to come back!”

“You don’t get it?” Rikki replied. 

“Obviously I don’t!” Gyuvin yelled back. 

“I can’t stand it!” Rikki shouted. “I can’t stand the way you touch me. I can’t stand the way you look at me, the names you call me. I can’t stand the way you care for me.”

“Why?” Gyuvin stressed. “If I did something wrong you have to tell me, Rikki, you have to let me fix it.”

“You can’t fix it!”

“I can!” Gyuvin urged. “Rikki please, just tell me what I did wrong.”

Rikki’s face was red and she gritted her teeth. It almost looked as though she was about to cry. “You really want to know?”

“Yes!” Gyuvin stressed. 

“I can’t stand you touching me… Stand you caring about me… because it’s not enough.” 

Gyuvin stared at her. She ran the words through her head a few times, trying to make it make sense. “What?”

“How am I meant to stand you touching me and looking at me if I know it will never lead to what I want?” Rikki’s voice was barely over a whisper. 

“I don’t understand,” Gyuvin replied. The pieces were all there but she didn’t know if she wanted to put them together. 

“How could I make you understand?” Rikki sighed. “How much clearer can I make it?”

“Maybe just tell me instead of making me guess everything!”

“I’m in love with you!”

The words were shouted, somewhat angrily, right in Gyuvin’s face. Rikki’s shoulders were moving up and down as she breathed heavily. Gyuvin stared at her with wide eyes. 

“What?” she spoke, voice barely over a whisper. 

“I like you. I love you. I can’t stop fucking thinking about you,” Rikki seethed. “So I can’t stand you even looking at me.” 

“Say it again,” Gyuvin whispered.

“Say what?” Rikki snapped.

“You know what.”

“I’m not saying it again!”

“Please, Rikki.”

“Fine,” Rikki huffed. “I love yo-“

She couldn’t finish her sentence. Gyuvin wasn’t going to let her finish her sentence. Instead, she did what she’d been wanting to do for weeks. Rikki’s lips were just as soft as she imagined. The blonde stiffened for a moment, her throat letting out a little sound of surprise before she softened. She tilted her head and let Gyuvin in. Kiss after sweet kiss were pressed to her waiting lips, over and over again. Rikki reached for her. Her small fingers tangled into the mess of curly hair at the nape of Gyuvin’s neck. She tugged, pulling the taller in closer. Gyuvin groaned and kissed her harder. 

Eventually, Gyuvin broke away from her with a gasp. “I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.”

“Why didn’t you?” Rikki panted. 

“I didn’t think you’d want me to,” Gyuvin replied. “You weren’t acting like you liked me.”

“Do you not see the way I look at you?” Rikki asked. “Don’t you see how nervous you make me?”

“I thought you just hated me,” Gyuvin admitted.

“I don’t hate you!” Rikki exclaimed. “I just hate that I love you and I hated the idea of you not loving me back.”

“But I do love you back!”

Rikki shook her head, her blonde ponytail swaying gently back and forth. “Don’t say that. You just pity me.”

“Rikki, listen to me,” Gyuvin stressed. “I love you. God, can’t you see how madly in love with you I am?”

“Don’t…”

“Since the first day I met you, I couldn’t stop thinking of you,” Gyuvin whispered. She took Rikki’s face between her hands and looked into her eyes. “You’re the only person I see.”

Gyuvin watched her swallow. Her dark, cat-like eyes searched for a lie. They shook back and forth, looking for some reason to doubt her. Her voice shook as she spoke. “You mean it?”

“Why don’t you believe me?” Gyuvin asked. 

“Because I’m not…” Rikki swallowed again, swallowing back tears. “Because I’m not someone people should love.”

“Oh Rikki,” Gyuvin whispered. She felt her heart break at the other’s tearless words. She shifted onto the bed properly and pulled the girl gently into her arms. “You’re so loveable. How can I help you believe me?”

Rikki’s arms, weak and shaky, snaked around Gyuvin’s broad back. “Just don’t leave.”

“I promise I won’t, sweetheart,” Gyuvin spoke, burying her face into the other’s hair. “I won’t leave you.”

“Can you hold me properly?“ Rikki asked. Gyuvin pulled back from her and nodded. Rikki, frowning, shifted on the bed and made room for the other girl. Gyuvin climbed on and lay back against Rikki’s pile of pillows. She expected Rikki to lay next to her but the small blonde instead curled up onto Gyuvin’s chest. Gyuvin placed a hand gently over her body, making her flinch. 

“Are you okay?” Gyuvin asked, concerned. 

Rikki nodded. “Just sore.”

“You’ll be okay,” Gyuvin assured her. “Give it time and it’ll stop hurting.”

She knew she wasn’t talking about the fall. Rikki knew it too. She tensed in Gyuvin’s arms. “Are you really willing to give me time? To be patient with me?”

“I’ll give you anything you need,” Gyuvin insisted. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“Even if I’m…” Rikki paused. “Even if I’m fucked up?”

She wanted to tell her she was wrong, that there was nothing wrong with her, but she knew Rikki wouldn’t be able to hear it. Instead, she did the one thing she knew she could do. She pressed a kiss to the top of the girl’s head. 

“I love you, Rikki,” she spoke, stroking her arm. “That’s enough.” 

Rikki looked up at her face, wincing in pain as she moved. Even still, she met Gyuvin’s eyes. She took in a small breath and nodded. “For now, I guess it’ll have to be.”