Work Text:
“Please, Meds?”
Banhammer begged on the other side of the phone- hearing Medkit groan. The doctor pinched his nose as he stared up at his ceiling. It was late as hell, like 1 A.M. late.
“You're a grown man, can't you do it yourself?” Medkit grumbled, flinching when Banhammer started to pout loudly and hurt the deer’s ears.
“I know i am!! I jus’ can't see shit!” They complained and complained, saying a few more things Medkit didn't bother processing because of his sleepy brain.
“... Fine. I'll be there in a moment. But i'm charging you for the visit.” The bed creaked as he stood up, an offended gasp coming from his phone.
“But-! This isn’ my fault-!!”
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The car came to a slow stop, the rumbling of the engine reaching his ears. He carefully got out of the vehicle after shutting it down- hurrying to knock on Banhammer’s door. Thank the deities that they had the mind to tell Medkit which house he was in at least, Medkit could swear the warden had too many for one person.
With a quick knock, something from inside got knocked over and shattered- Medkit grimaced. He really didn't want to be this mess’s maid or baby sitter.
Banhammer quickly opened the door, making Medkit take a surprised step backwards. The warden looked like an abomination with their current state, eyes squinted shut.
“Medkit? that you?” The warden mumbled, trying to open their eyes more but only revealing to Medkit how bad this shed was this time.
“Yes yes, let's get you to your couch.” He mumbled, taking a step forward and glancing at Banhammer. The warden was covered in this odd flakey white layer- most likely their shed. While Medkit was walking away, Ban had closed the door to their house; seeing only teal blurs moving due to their poor vision at the moment.
The two quickly situated themselves on the couch, the air seeming tense. Medkit was surprised to see that the living room was a mess- large clusters of dead skin from the warden strewn about. He also wasn't expecting to be called at such an early time, but hey, money is money.
Banhammer picked at a patch of half-shed scales, hissing behind the doctor. They seemed desperate to get it off, but from what Medkit knew shedding could take weeks. Thinking of it now, being itchy for a few weeks sounds like agony.
“Can we hurry this up? Please?” The warden groaned, claws digging into their own skin. Medkit glanced up at them worryingly.
“We can, but are you sure that's the best option?”
“Please, Med? It's really fuckin’ annoyin’.”
Medkit rolled his eyes, having to scoot closer to the warden to see what he was working with. Up close the skin was wrinkled and clear, typical of a reptile. Makes sense, since Banhammer was part skink.
His hand moved up to Ban’s arm, hovering above the scale patches as he hesitated. Carefully, old skin gets pulled away, crinkling slowly as Medkit is moving at snails pace.
Soon enough both of the wardens arms are cleared of shed, the most annoying part was getting under Banhammers claws with how much they liked to squirm. Medkit could swear the demigod was just a big baby.
“Stop that-! it itches-!!” They would whine, tugging their hand away and repeating the process of Medkit having to pull their claws back.
“You don't want to lose a finger do you?”
“...no.”
“Then let me do this and stop moving so much.”
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About an hour or so later, most of the shed was gone. All of it so far was piled up on the coffee table next to the couch, and it would certainly be a pain to clean up later on.
For Banhammer, however, they looked much happier than when Medkit had arrived. Their scales were a vibrant purple instead of the old dull ones, and they even managed to get all of the shed on their tail off in one go- which led to Banhammer getting smacked in the face with it after they said something dumb about Medkits tail.
The two had lightened up quickly enough for them to be making jokes- mostly Banhammer, but Medkit didn't mind the occasional chuckle that came from him after he mentioned some stupid thing he saw.
“We still have to do your face, you know.” Medkit hummed after a second of silence, and the air became tense again.
“Do we have to?” Banhammer’s smile turned into a frown very quickly, still having shed all over their face.
“Yes, because I think you know just as well as I do what would happen if we left it.”
The warden thought for a moment before sighing.
“....’kay. jus’ be gentle. Yer paying my hospital bill if ya slip an’ stab me in m’eye.”
Medkit laughed, getting up from the couch and looking for his own gear. He was sure he had tweezers in it.
“That's funny, coming from you.” The medic clicked open the bag, quickly grabbing the small metal tweezers.
“Just stay still and let me do my job, okay? it'll be quick.”
Poor Banhammer was shaking like a tree in the wind. The mutual understanding of how vulnerable Banhammer was at the moment was apparent- even without words. The two were silent and the taller was frozen in place- not even daring to breathe.
Starting at their cheek, Medkit slowly began to pull at the dead scales. The scales pulled up easily and slowly, and Banhammer was twitching a ton but trying very hard not to move. Slowly but surely Medkit made his way up to Banhammers eyes, pausing and giving them a moment.
“How are you doing so far? Any aches or pains?”
“Just itchy. you can keep goin’.” The warden was mumbling again- seeming to try and keep their face as still as possible. Medkit didn't blame them- it must've felt weird to have clear skin covering your eyes.
Carefully, Medkit started to pull away the shed covering Banhammers eyes. It looked weird and must've felt even weirder. It was quickly over though, thankfully. Medkit dropped the strip of skin into the pile on the table, patting Banhammers shoulder:
“See? wasn't too hard.” He shrugged and turned away, back to the warden.
“..thank you Medkit. I swear i was gonna be blind fer another week or sumthin’-” The taller watched the shorter- scratching at their own face.
“Don't worry about it. Just make sure I didn't do anything wrong.”
“Course- but uhh..d’ya wanna spend the night? it's late an’ the drive is long- ya can sleep here if ya wanna.” They rambled a bit- acting more like a nervous teen instead of the Warden of Banlands.
Medkit thought about it for a moment. They were right, the drive back home would take him a while, and it had gotten later.
Maybe..just this once.
“Alright, i'll stay, but if I hear you snoring at all i'm leaving.” He glared at Banhammer with a playful look- moving to stand up. Medkit was starting to like the warden, maybe they needed some casual bonding time.
Something started to thump, and Medkit had to look back at Banhammer to see their giant tail wagging. Like a dog. All they would've needed for the look now were some puppy eyes and a pouty face.
“Jus- Jus lemme go check the guest bedroom, kay?” The warden got up- tail still wagging as they stumbled into some hallway, presumably to go check on the room.
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Not even five minutes later Banhammer was back, looking shameful and their tail no longer wagging.
“So er- I totally forgot that I only have one bed.”
…
How was this man still alive.
“....ok so should i sleep on the couch?” He looked at Banhammer with a tired frown, already pinching the bridge of his nose.
“That's covered in dead skin, but sure. Ya can sleep there if ya wanna.” Ban mumbled, before lighting up. Their tail started to wag again.
“Or ya can sleep in m’bed! it's super cozy n'big-” The warden rumbled as they waddled over to Medkit, who was to say the least, tired and grumpy.
“...fine, but this is only for tonight. I'll be gone by tomorrow morning.” The healer grumbled, and Banhammer suddenly burst into laughter- making the deer confused.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Ya got a pouty look on yer face. Like ya ate a lemon.”
He was gonna kill this guy.
“Whatever just- where's your room? I am not awake enough for this.” He briefly closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. Even Medkit was surprised when he felt himself sway on his feet- and even more surprised when two hands held him up right.
“ ‘ere, lemme help ya. You seem tired Doc.” Banhammer cooed, smiling that stupid smile as Medkit was picked up by his underarms- looking like a sad wet cat in their hold.
“I do not- i can walk on my own-!” Medkit quickly started to squirm in Banhammers hold- absolutely useless however since it wasn't long before the two were plopped down in the bed. If you could even call it that- since it seemed like it went on forever to Medkit.
“There ya go. I'll just go on that side and you can stay on this side, yeah?” They were very subtlety purring, Medkit found out. Granted, he was practically in their lap- which caused him to look away quickly and shoo Banhammer off. The warden chuckled as they got back up and went to their side of the bed, tail wagging slowly.
Medkit, the pathetic wet cat man he was, could only grumble in annoyance. He didn't want to be carried- but it was nice. He had to practically lift the blankets like it was a giant weight, struggling to get under the blankets.
Then there was another problem. It was freezing. Medkit paused and thought for a moment. He didn't want to be a block of ice by the time he woke up, but it'd be rude to ask Banhammer to adjust the thermostat. As soon as Medkit realized what he had to do, he sighed.
Slowly, the medic slid closer to Banhammer, backs to each other and bumping when Medkit stopped. The other grumbled and looked behind them, seeing Medkit.
“Ya ok Med?.. You need anythin?” The warden mumbled, the heaviness of their voice a sign that they were probably about to fall asleep.
“It's just too cold.”
What he was not expecting was for the warden to twist around and wrap their arms around Medkit, spooning the little medic. Granted it was warmer, and Medkit didn't know how to feel about it.
It was only one night.. this was a one time thing. He could deal with it.
“g’night Medkit.”
“...good night, Banhammer.”
(Medkit did end up going back a week later. Totally for work reasons.)