Chapter Text
Ben's POV
The stabbing pain in my side alerting me of another shock was less painful but far more irritating. I was almost there. I had almost completed the course Snoke had told me to finish,
"Be done in 30 minutes." He'd said, only now it became increasingly less possible with each attempt. I'd calculated each pathway, each successful route, proving over and over that it was impossible. Over and over, growing more tired and irritated by each failure.
I'd asked him, "How do you expect me to do it? You keep knocking down. I don't understand." I begged, "What's the point of this? You aren't teaching me anything-"
"Silence..." another disappointed whisper followed by a zap to the face, "Continue the course. You have 8 minutes left."
I never made it to the end. I was punished by him for trying. His lesson was not perseverance, but stubbornness; get what you want at all costs.
Rey is limp in my arms. I want nothing more but to have her be alive. Alive with me. I want her. At whatever the cost. I try and fail at bringing her back. Her body is fading and I find myself doing something I do with all the people I love.
I give up.
I don't want to give up, believe me, I don't.
But though this course looks easy, I am stopped by something I can not control.
I gave up on my mother; she cared about me and I knew it. I saw it as a weakness.
I gave up on my father; he cared about me and I knew it. I saw it as a weakness.
I gave up on my uncle; he cared about me and I knew it. I saw it as a weakness.
Having General Pryde kill Hux was an even further blow. Not to mention killing Snoke after realising that he offered me nothing of value anymore.
I killed those people. People. I saw no worth in care, so I killed them. I use people until they offer nothing more. Just as I have used Rey. I used her to save me. She saved me. She chose to- No but she had no choice, I was using her.
the next few minutes are blurry. I can't feel my legs. finding myself on Rey's ship and preparing to leave the atmosphere, something I didn't consciously choose to do; maybe I want someone to track her ship and find me. Maybe I want help. Maybe I should follow the rest of the fighters back to their base... Or I could just leave the system - run away and never go back - maybe start a new life on an untouched planet - maybe there I could forget what happened - maybe there I can die - alone.
Almost instinctively, I start up the ship and get out of the reach of this awful planet. I want nothing to do with any of this anymore. I want to curl up and die. The war should be over, so I have no responsibilities. I can die without worry. I just hope Rey is somewhere that I go. Probably not though; she's too good to possibly end up wherever I do. She deserves better than to be stuck with me forever, the reason she's gone. Out in the darkness, among the stars, just sitting there, Rey is all I can think about. I brought her into this mess and was the one who took her out of it. She gave herself forme. Me. The guy who had tried to kill her over and over. She gave herself up so I could survive. So that this human-looking creature could survive. It's not pathetic anymore, it's just sad. I wish I could just die. Prove to her that she's wrong... WAS wrong... Kylo Ren is not worth her life. Ben Solo is not worth her life. I am not worth her life. Im just sitting in this small ship, sobbing over something that happened 30 minutes ago, why do I still care? I am not a crier. I do not cry. Why am I crying? Rey wouldn't cry, she's not a crying person. She wouldn't cry over me, would she? - Off in the distance is a grassy planet. A relatively untouched one in terms of the First Order. I'll land there. I shouldn't be steering a ship, not like this. Pulling myself together is harder than I thought but I refuse to leave the ship having everyone see my tears. I am embarrassed. I do not cry. I should not cry. something snaps off inside my head; no more crying. Not now, not ever.
Poe's POV
In my head, I can't think of one reason why Rey would land on a separate planet over following the tracker that the General gave her, but maybe that's her thing now? Maybe she's all mysterious and hurt by having to kill the emperor? Who knows.
Tracking her is nothing. Easiest thing I've ever done for the past 12 years since joining this show, all the way to the curtains closing.
Rey landing alone without any sign to the others wondering if she's ok? Now, I don't care what you say, that's not normal. At least tell Finn something.
"Hey, Im heading out to get Rey. Maybe something happened to the ship," I alert the others, "I'll bring her back just go on to the base; we'll meet you there." Hopefully, that's the case and she isn't like, almost dead or anything on this random planet with no help. Welp, way to go me for suggesting something to myself that is bound to freak me out. Thanks, me, you're a real helper sometimes.
Thankfully, no one has taken the slot next to her ship so parking is easy. What isn't easy is seeing the door to her ship wide open with a trail of blood leading to a bar. What the heck Rey?
The smell of the place is pleasant and the crowd is undisturbed besides a few sly glances towards the bar. I got this sinking feeling like Rey's not here though, but if not here, where?
The only person sitting at the bar is almost a looming figure hunched over a drink. Alarm bells in my head right now because there is no way that's Rey, and if it isn't... Oh, Maker. Please no... Tell me he isn't still kickin' about, please!
Almost instinctively, I rest my hand on my gun. There's no way this guy is here... Where's Rey? I swear if-
"Do it." A voice in my head rings.
Does this asshole want to play some kind of mind trick on me? Of course, he does. Wait, what? 'Do it'?
Just a moment and now everyone who was in the room isn't. Just me and him and now I'm angry; angrier than I was before... Rageful? Yeah, rageful's the word.
Only one thing's stopping me from shooting him right now... Why is he asking me to kill him? Almost encouraging me? I don't get it.
"Outside." I almost yell across the room, forgetting he could hear me if I just thought it.
He complies. A little too eagerly... Maybe this is a trap? On this planet though? It doesn't make any sense...
As we sit down near Rey's ship, he just starts breaking down like, fully balling. Head in hands, everything. He hasn't told me dirt yet, so I'm thinking the worst: she's been ripped apart by the emperor, stabbed to death, maybe murdered before even getting there, everything could have gone wrong; wrong enough to make the great Kylo Ren cry though? Damn, must be bad... This is bad, no doubt about it.
eventually, he stops. just emotionally shuts down, like there's nothing there anymore.
"What happened? Start to finish, all details." Im going full detective.
-
The air is knocked out of me. It can't all be real, surely not.
There's nothing that could make it any worse. If what he's saying is true, the war is over. A net positive, at what cost?
Rey is dead.
The last Jedi is dead.
It's horrible but from the sound of it, she went out doing what she was meant to I guess. Stopping the Sith and healing the hurt? Why Kylo Ren though? What point is there?
I guess I can't question what Jedi do though, let alone a dead one.
What do I tell Finn? What about the rest of the rebellion? How do I tell anyone this? It is simultaneously horrible and fantastic news at the same time. How do I not sound like an asshole?