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Buck's brain lies to him.
It's something he had to work out in therapy, but his brain is sometimes not reliable.
It tells him that he failed his parents, that he abandoned his sister in her time of need, and that everyone puts up with him because they're stuck with him.
Buck's brain is a traitorous monster that feeds off his anxiety, his insecurities, and his fears.
Buck's brain tricked him into thinking that it was about Eddie.
It told him that he was jealous of Tommy, when in fact it was always about Tommy.
When he showed up for his "tour," it was just like he said it: he saw this cool man; he felt something towards this man and wanted to be closer to him. He hasn't rationalised it, but he wanted his eyes on him.
In hindsight, Buck should have noticed that it wasn't only him. Tommy and his "competitive fees" were definitely aiming at something; Buck has just not figured out what was going on... yet.
Buck felt threatened when Eddie strolled in; they already had more in common with Tommy than Buck had accounted for. And suddenly, it hit.
Rejection when it shouldn't have felt like it. Disappointment when he should have been elated, anger when these feelings were supposed to be all about the joy of the blooming something in him.
He couldn't understand why he was being tossed aside. Buck was used to it, but he couldn't understand why this time felt different or why it bothered him more.
Maybe it should have been his clue how excited he was at the prospect of being included in karaoke of all things. A lot of things should have clued him, like the fact that he couldn't even admit to himself that the man he was supposedly scared of taking his place as Eddie's (and Christopher's) best friend was anything but cool still. Even being irked at how Eddie was basically ditching him and sticking him to babysitting duty had the man confused.
Maybe it was both. Maybe he was so jealous of how easily Eddie clicked with Tommy and angry over the fact that Eddie, who he lately only saw on shift or when he was rushing out of the house to his dates, was suddenly treating him like he was a babysitter, not a friend.
His brain tricky games were more elaborate than he expected this time. Usually it just gave him the usual, "You're insufferable, and you will die alone, abandoned by everyone you ever loved because they had to move on." But now he is feeling too many feelings and thinking so many things, and nothing makes any sense to him.
Instead, he complains to Maddie, and she points out how ridiculous his behaviour is. She also points out that maybe it was him pressing Christopher for more "intel" on Tommy. It leaves him more annoyed at himself because why can't he just figure out what he is feeling?
God, he was oblivious.
Then Buck got a freaking basketball! He made sure he would open the box in the gym right across the locker room and brand it in front of a completely disinterested Eddie, hoping the man would invite him and Tommy, but Eddie brushed him off. Totally ignoring him.
He has been doing that a lot.
It hurt.
More feelings for his brain to keep tormenting him with, great.
Chimney gives him a dirty look for using him. Buck will make it up to him later, but at the moment, he couldn't wait to see them. Well him. Not that he was ready to confess it to himself. Maybe he would even tell Chim how accurate he was with the "basketball beard" comment; the man would love to gloat about it.
Then it happened.
All the feelings got mixed together, and suddenly the confusion, the anger, and the disappointment curled up into a big mess of jealousy.
Maybe the fact that Buck felt so threatened by Eddie that he body-checked him a bit too aggressively should have set him straight, but it didn't. Instead, he felt horrible but was still confused.
Maddie was also rightfully angry at him, but he swears he didn't mean it. He was desperate, and he did "Buck" it, not putting much thought into his actions, but he still did it. He felt awful about it enough without her anger and the look in her eyes comparing him to a monster when he didn't deserve it over a mistake.
Maybe he did; it was really an asshole move.
He told her that he wanted to get his attention, but he was still unsure if he meant Eddie or Tommy. Sure, Eddie has left him out, even though he is allowed friends, but Buck also desperately wanted to impress Tommy.
He hasn't missed Tommy's appreciative glances, the way he seemed to get him, or the easy connection they had.
Because Buck's brain is a mess, he liked certain things. He doesn't like signs or implications; he doesn't like when people leave things hanging and hope he will catch a glimpse.
So Tommy gets to his apartment. He tells him clearly that he didn't want to cause any trouble, clear away every insecurity Buck had about his and Eddie's relationship, assure him how much Christopher loves him, and validate his feelings about him feeling excluded.
And Buck did the same; he set Tommy's mind at ease; they joked around; flirted really. Then his brain acted on its own and had him admit that he was actually trying to get Tommy's attention, just to fuck with him because his brain hates him.
Even Tommy was surprised and probably thought the same thought Buck's brain has implemented as a status quo: that Buck did it all because he wanted to draw back Eddie's attention.
It was the catalyst for everything. Tommy kissed him.
Suddenly, a piece of his brain clicked perfectly in place, and it no longer hated him. Buck pushed these thoughts away; he banished them to a dark corner of his mind and vowed never to address them. No wonder it hated him. No wonder it made him feel incomplete, like a piece of his soul was missing.
For the first time, Buck saw it as it was; he kept blaming it and personifying it to separate it from himself, but his issues were happening to him. It was him feeling angry, confused, jealous, and apparently a little horny. It wasn't another entity conspiring against him or praying for his downfall.
Buck kissed Tommy's back.
Then he got his mouth to work miraculously to agree to a date with him.
For the first time in forever, he felt light and right. As if an overlooming shadow has subsidised and he can see clearly.
He was queer, bisexual, whatever. He will work the label later, but what's important is that he know now.