Chapter Text
“I think we need to cool down.”
Daehyun pulls back from Yonghoon, shifting to sit on the side of the bed rather than staying reclined next to Yonghoon, putting a little space between them to catch his breath. They've been kissing for nearly half an hour by the clock, and not only are Daehyun's lips sore, but it's been getting increasingly difficult to keep their hips apart, especially when Yonghoon keeps trying to press them together.
“No—what—Daehyun, why?” Yonghoon stammers, sitting up and basically chasing Daehyun down the bed.
Daehyun stares, momentarily distracted by the sheen of saliva left on Yonghoon's lips. He blinks the image away, conscious of the fact that he wants to calm down, not get excited.
“I just—we were getting pretty… heated,” Daehyun replies, tilting his head down just enough to get his point across. “And… I didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”
Daehyun doesn't mention his own discomfort. After all, there's no need just yet—Yonghoon made himself very clear before they got together, and hasn't mentioned wanting to go further just yet. Daehyun is safe for a little while longer, at least.
“Am I not— sexy? To you?”
“No, no, God, Yonghoon, you're so sexy,” Daehyun instantly assures, sliding back up the bed to sit next to Yonghoon, reaching out to brush his hand down Yonghoon's arm. “That's kind of the problem. I don't want things to get out of hand.”
“But… would that be so bad?” Yonghoon asks, lifting one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I mean… We're together now, and I'm… open to finding out what comes next.”
Daehyun is torn between enjoying the sudden rush of blood south and losing himself in the cold feeling of fear thrumming through his recently vacated veins.
“I have homework,” he blurts, the fear winning over as he stands up from the bed abruptly.
“Oh,” Yonghoon says, his voice shaky. “I mean… okay.”
He looks dejected, and Daehyun feels shame coiling in his chest. He leans over and plants a kiss on Yonghoon's lips, gentle and chaste.
“I really do have homework,” he says, caressing Yonghoon's neck gently. “But I promise we'll talk about this tomorrow? We'll get coffee?”
Yonghoon sighs and nods, attempting a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.
“Okay.”
Daehyun picks his things up and leaves, smiling warmly at Yonghoon. But the smile falls from his face as he trudges back to his room, his bag feeling heavy with the homework that is in no dire need of being done tonight.
He drops the bag to the side when he gets to his room with no intention of picking it up until he leaves the next day. Instead, he kicks off his shoes, hangs his jacket, and loosens his tie, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside. As he sits down at his computer, he rolls up his sleeves and unbuttons the first couple of buttons.
As the computer boots up, he unbuckles his belt.
Daehyun is fairly careful when it comes to porn. He only goes on websites he trusts not to give his computer viruses. He never clicks on links, he never enters personal information. He even turns on the privacy option for his browser so he doesn't develop a lengthy, shameful history for anyone to peruse.
But he's got a couple of favorite pages that he goes back to like old friends. He knows just the search words to get his favorites. He knows the keywords to the stuff that turns him on. It doesn't take long for him to have a video up and running, the sound low enough that it doesn't carry much beyond the desk.
He likes this porn because it's so realistic. The men in it kiss, they touch, they smile at each other. They seem to really enjoy what's going on, their moans don't seem fake and they actually show the process of getting from making out to blowjobs to fingering to penetration. Daehyun tried the normal research, but he couldn't quite imagine it. Reading an instruction manual on anal sex isn't quite the same as seeing two guys actually doing it together. And yeah, he had to search through a lot of Hot Stud Fucks Hairy Cabana Boy before finding something a little less… porny. But he found it, and he's relied on it for a couple of years now.
Daehyun stares at the screen as the two men kiss passionately, and he smiles. Yonghoon seems to like what he's learned about kissing, anyway—the face grabbing, the movement of the head, the way he nips Yonghoon's bottom lip between his own. It's all here—it's all worked so far. Now Yonghoon wants to go to the next step—so Daehyun leans forward and pays special attention when they start removing clothing.
Daehyun lifts his hips and pushes down his pants, kicking them off and letting them fall under the desk as he settles back, palming himself over his briefs as he watches the men cupping each other, rubbing teasingly as they continue to kiss heatedly.
When they finally strip entirely, revealing themselves entirely to each other and the camera, Daehyun reaches inside his underwear, gripping himself tightly. And for an instant, he almost loses it.
Both the men on screen are bigger than he is. By at least several inches. Daehyun feels inadequate, and for a second, he almost loses his erection, his already negligible size shrinking slightly in his hand. But then he closes his eyes and imagines.
It's Yonghoon's hand on him, now. It's Yonghoon's moans in his ear. And instead of the tic-tac he's got in his pants, his cock is perfect—long and thick and veined, just like on his computer screen. He hardens instantly, and he opens his eyes, stroking himself hard and fast as the larger of the two men on screen fingers his partner, stretching him fast and hard.
Is this what Yonghoon's going to want? Daehyun doesn't think it's Yonghoon's style to just dive right in—he'll want to take his time, work up to the big moment. He'll want the tender touches, the sweet kisses that turn dirty the lower they go. God, Daehyun can't wait until Yonghoon's ready to use his mouth on him—those lips are so beautiful, and they'd look so good stretched around a cock.
And just like that, the pressure coils low in Daehyun's belly, his balls drawing up. He closes his eyes again and imagines Yonghoon sinking down in front of him, unbuttoning Daehyun's pants for the first time, his eyes wide as he takes in what's revealed. He imagines Yonghoon having to stretch his lips wide to take Daehyun in. He'd make the prettiest sounds, high gasps and whimpers as he swallowed Daehyun down, choking just a little bit when he tried to go deep. Daehyun fucks up into his fist, hips pistoning desperately as the image changes, and instead he's behind Yonghoon, his boyfriend bent over the desk, and Daehyun's pulling out the four fingers he'd need to get him ready and he's sinking into him, stretching him wide as he can go as Yonghoon wails and begs and—
Daehyun comes with a gasp, head thrown back and stomach muscles clenching sporadically with his final thrusts. He settles down, his hand resting sticky on his now-soft cock, feeling how small it is and regretting.
Is Yonghoon going to want this, when he finally sees? Sooner or later, he's going to have to find out, and as far as Daehyun can see, it's going to be sooner. Yonghoon wants to go further now. Is he going to be in love with Daehyun anymore, when he finds out? Will he want someone else, someone who can fulfill him, who can fill him more completely?
He's going to have to tell Yonghoon. Tomorrow, over their coffee. He'll just get it over with, and hope for the best. After all, Yonghoon trusted him enough to be willing to share his body—Daehyun could only do the same in return.
In the meantime, he wipes his hand off, shoves off the soiled underwear, and closes out the porn before heading to Google and typing in enhancement surgery.
A boy can dream.
~
The next day, Yonghoon grabs him right after comeback practice, lacing their arms together as he guides them to the car. They get in and speed off to the Milestone Coffee Roasters, and it's like nothing ever happened. They dissect the practice of their future comeback, they chat about classes, they sing along with the radio. It's all fine.
It stays fine until they get to the Milestone Coffee and get their coffees. Then, as soon as they're sitting down next to each other in the corner, Yonghoon looks around carefully and leans closer to Daehyun.
“So I've been thinking,” he starts, and Daehyun can see he's trying really hard. His body is tilted toward Daehyun, his legs crossed in his direction and his face turned toward him—but his shoulders are turned away and his head is tilted to the side. He's stiff and nervous and trying to hide it.
“What have you been thinking?” Daehyun prompts, trying to keep his voice even.
“I think we should discuss just what we're ready for, physically, and what we're comfortable doing in the future. Lay down some ground work, so we don't overstep or miscommunicate.”
“That sounds reasonable,” Daehyun agrees, sipping his coffee and waiting to see what Yonghoon says before he figures out what he's going to say.
“So… I'll go first,” Yonghoon says. “Like I told you last night, I want… more. And while I would like to take some time and work our way up to the big stuff—I'm ready for everything with you, Daehyun. I want to do everything with you. But I totally understand if you're not ready, and I won't push you. I realize last night I was a little… forward, but it won't happen again. We'll go at your pace. I'm sorry for assuming I knew what you wanted. And I might still be assuming, for all I know, I mean, I don't even know if you want these things with me or if I'm just—”
Daehyun stares for a minute before he realizes what Yonghoon meant. He quickly reaches across and grabs Yonghoon's hand.
“Yonghoon, that's not it at all,” he says, stroking Yonghoon's knuckles with his thumb.
“I really meant it when I said that I find you sexy. I want… all that, with you. And I'm ready for it, I just…”
Daehyun sighs and looks around. It's not crowded—only a couple other customers are sitting around, and while none of them are near, Daehyun doesn't feel comfortable talking about this where they might be overheard. Hell, he's not comfortable talking about it period, but if he could make it go away he would've done it by now.
“Look, can we go somewhere more private?” he asks, shifting nervously in his seat. “I just… this is difficult for me to say, and I want to make sure I can just say it and not have to stop or get interrupted or something.”
Yonghoon nods and stands, grabbing his coffee and letting Daehyun lead the way back to the car. Daehyun hops in the driver's seat and takes off, driving back to the dorms.
He parks in the privates’ parking lot, knowing that pretty much no one is there for the weekend and that it's not easy to see from the rest of the residents. He parks in the back, next to a hedge, and turns off the car and unbuckles his seatbelt as Yonghoon does the same. He grips the steering wheel nervously and takes a deep, shuddering breath.
You can do this, you can do this, he loves you, you can do this…
“Daehyun?” Yonghoon asks, and Daehyun feels him run a hand down Daehyun's arm.
“What's wrong?”
“Yonghoon, I have something to tell you,” Daehyun says, “about me. Something that… I'm not proud of. And I really don't want it to affect our relationship, because I really care about you and I want us to be together, and I'm just scared of what you'll think when you find out—”
“Daehyun,” Yonghoon interrupts, shifting in his seat so that he's facing Daehyun, looking him earnestly in the eyes, “no matter what you say, I'll still love you, okay? I promise.”
Yonghoon holds out his hands for Daehyun's and Daehyun slips them together, clasping their fingers together.
“No matter what?”
“No matter what. Unless you tell me you like killing babies or do tiktok challenges .”
Daehyun laughs, ducking his head. He turns and looks up at Yonghoon, at the self-satisfied smirk on his face, at his beautiful eyes staring lovingly back at him, waiting and understanding and so, so sweet. His perfect boyfriend.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you, too,” Yonghoon says, petting Daehyun's hands in his own. “Now… tell me what's got you so worked up.”
How should he say this? What does one say when explaining that they are lacking the proper size in their genitalia? Saying it like that sounds weird and pedantic, but everything he comes up with either sounds like that or sounds way too obscene or juvenile. Why didn't he plan this out ahead of time?
“Daehyun?”
“I have a tiny dick,” he blurts out, and immediately he pulls his hands back and covers his face with them, feeling the burning of his cheeks. “Oh my god, I did not mean to say that like that, oh my god.”
He continues to hide in his hands, fighting off actual tears as he waits for Yonghoon to say something, to tell him it's over or that he can wait until Daehyun's old enough to get plastic surgery, or oh god, what if he wants to just leave and I'm sitting here holding him back oh god please don't leave—
“Is that all?”
Daehyun looks up, hands falling away as he turns and stares at his boyfriend incredulously.
“What?”
“Is that the problem?” Yonghoon asks again, looking at him bluntly. “You're afraid I'll leave you because you're… not… endowed?”
“I don't think you understand, Yonghoon,” Daehyun insists, “it's bad. I don't… I don't think you realize—”
“Would you be willing to show me?”
Daehyun's eyebrows strain for his hairline, his eyes and mouth both wide open.
“You—you want to seeit—”
“Yes,” Yonghoon says simply. “I want to do other things, too, but not until you're comfortable.”
Daehyun feels the tears welling up in his eyes. Yonghoon knows his secret and he isn't running, he isn't disgusted or concerned, and Daehyun can't help himself.
“I love you so much,” he says, and he lunges over the center console and claims Yonghoon's mouth fiercely with his own.
The kiss escalates quickly. Daehyun is so relieved that Yonghoon isn't running away yet and Yonghoon must be relieved that Daehyun isn't a serial axe murderer and they love each other and everything is going to be okay so Daehyun leans over the console further, ignoring how it digs into his ribs, and reaches over to thread his hands into Yonghoon's hair, deepening the kiss. After a moment, though, Yonghoon pulls back.
“I have an idea,” he says, panting through kiss-reddened lips, his cheeks flushed.
“What?”
He smiles mischievously.
“Get in the back seat.”
Daehyun can't help but feel a bit of trepidation as he slides back into the car, this time in the back seat, watching as Yonghoon does the same thing on the other side of the car. It's not ideal, revealing himself in a parking lot, but he knows the boys haven't gone home for the weekend and he wouldn't put it past one of his members to knock on one of their doors before they left. This is the safest place.
Daehyun still doesn't feel safe, though, even with Yonghoon's apparent dismissal of his problem as a problem. Not because someone could come across them—they'll be able to see anyone coming before someone could see them—but because he is still so unsure of himself.
Yonghoon could be fine with his miniscule pecker in theory—but once he sees it, there is no going back. What if he laughs? What if he changes his mind and wants to vomit? Oh, God, what if he does vomit, what if he throws up all over Daehyun and then he'll never want to look at him again—
“Stop thinking so loud,” Yonghoon says. “I promised you I was fine with this, and I am.”
Daehyun nods, but his hands are trembling, and Yonghoon can obviously feel it as he pulls Daehyun closer.
“I'm not going to make you show me today,” he says, and Daehyun lets out a gust of shuddery breath, completely caught off guard by how relieved he is by that.
“That's good,” he says, “because I don't know if I'm ready for you to see yet.”
“And that's perfectly fine,” Yonghoon assures, stroking Daehyun everywhere he can reach—arms, shoulders, back, neck, chest. His touches are reassuring, sweet, and they're giving Daehyun confidence. Yonghoon still wants to touch him, he's not just saying things, he really does…
“So why are we in the back seat?” Daehyun asks, finally relaxing under Yonghoon's ministrations. “I kind of thought we were coming back here so I could whip it out.”
Yonghoon giggles briefly before fixing Daehyun with a condescending glare.
“I don't know, Daehyun, why would I get into the roomy back seat of a car out of sight from the world with my hot, sexy boyfriend who was just kissing me like our lives depended on it?”
Daehyun finds himself staring at Yonghoon's mouth, but he isn't going to let it go that easily—Yonghoon would get bored with him if he let him win all the time, after all.
“I believe you said you had an idea. Or was making out the idea?”
“Sort of,” Yonghoon hedges, smiling up at Daehyun in a secretive way that makes Daehyun want to open him up and learn everything. “Do you trust me?”
Daehyun sighs and shakes his head disbelievingly. “Of course I trust you.”
“Good,” Yonghoon replies. “Then trust me.”
He leans in and kisses Daehyun, wrapping his arms tightly around Daehyun's neck. After only a moment, though, he starts to tug, leaning himself back and pulling Daehyun over him with his arms, drawing Daehyun's top lip into his mouth and running his tongue across it lightly as he goes.
Daehyun moans, gladly tumbling down with Yonghoon, falling into a well-known position as they slide their tongues together—Daehyun bracketing Yonghoon's head with his hands, leaning down to kiss him as he kneels above Yonghoon, just out of reach of any accidental humping.
But this time, Yonghoon runs his hands down Daehyun's back, fingers digging into the straining muscles. Daehyun can barely feel it through the blazer, but then Yonghoon reaches into the blazer and starts pushing it off.
Daehyun quickly leans up and takes it off, throwing it to the floor of the car. Yonghoon sits up, propping himself on the door, and guides Daehyun's hands to his hips, just slipping the tips of his fingers underneath the hem of his sweater.
“Do you have anything against touching above the belt?” Yonghoon asks carefully, and Daehyun grins and shakes his head.
“Not at all.”
He lifts Yonghoon's sweater over his head and it joins the blazer as they fall back together, hands scrabbling to get their button-ups untucked so they can reach beneath. When they finally manage it, they stop kissing, taking a moment to enjoy the new feeling of skin and bone and muscle and plenty of room to explore.
Their hands continue to roam as they kiss again, sloppy this time and a little off-kilter, all tongues and teeth and Daehyun is fighting against lowering his hips to Yonghoon's. It only gets harder when Yonghoon's hands find his lower back, pressing into the flesh firmly and with clear intent. When Daehyun fights against it, Yonghoon lets out a desperate whine.
“Come on, Daehyun,” he whispers as Daehyun licks his way down Yonghoon's neck, sucking and nibbling at the fair skin. “I want you to.”
It would be easy. It would be so easy. But no matter how many times he tells his hips to lower, they won't. It's like there's a block and Daehyun can't move past it. He pulls back with a frustrated sigh, head hanging and turning away from Yonghoon so that he can't see the disappointment on Daehyun's face.
“No, no, hey, it's okay,” Yonghoon says, bringing his hands out from under Daehyun's shirt and cupping his face instead. “We don't have to go further today.”
“I want to, though,” Daehyun protests. “I just… just can't.”
“Because you don't want me to feel you.”
“I don't want you to feel nothing, actually.”
Yonghoon scowls up at him like he's going to argue, but after a second his eyes widen and he smiles tentatively.
“I have an idea.”
Daehyun huffs out a breath and looks up at his boyfriend imploringly.
“Here,” Yonghoon continues, reaching down and grabbing Daehyun's blazer. “We'll use this.”
“Um…”
“Look,” Yonghoon says, shoving it in a big bunch right in front of his crotch, which Daehyun can't help but notice is bulging quite a bit. “Now I won't be able to feel anything but your weight.”
Daehyun stares for a minute before looking back up at Yonghoon, and he can feel his eyes shining.
“Do you think it'll work?”
Yonghoon shrugs.
“We won't know until we try, Daehyun.”
Daehyun nods, biting his lip nervously. There's still a chance Yonghoon will be able to tell, but if Daehyun doesn't take this chance they'll be going nowhere fast.
“Okay.”
He shifts so he's kneeling in between Yonghoon's legs, his long thighs stretching on either side of Daehyun's hips as he lowers down, propping himself up with his hands as best as he can. Finally, finally, he settles completely, and he's pressed against the blazer and against Yonghoon, and the pressure is beautiful. He rocks experimentally and Yonghoon hisses, throwing his head back.
“Oh, that feels good,” he breathes out, and Daehyun leans in and attacks his neck, biting and sucking at it furiously, pressing down against Yonghoon rhythmically.
The blazer idea is working. He can feel Yonghoon, he can feel the hardness through several layers of fabric, but it's muted, and he's not entirely sure just how big Yonghoon is, so Yonghoon won't be able to feel anything specific from him either. It's just pressure and friction and it's amazing to feel Yonghoon writhing under him, hands scrabbling at Daehyun's lower back before daring to slip lower, boldly cupping Daehyun's ass in his palms.
Daehyun gasps and surges up, thrusting hard against Yonghoon and drawing moans out of both of them as he shoves his tongue into Yonghoon's mouth, plunging it in time with his hips. Yonghoon seems to approve by the way he's panting and moaning and lifting up to meet Daehyun's every move.
“Oh, God, Daehyun, you feel so good,”
Yonghoon groans, throwing his head back against the window. Daehyun leans his face against Yonghoon's neck, breathing heavily as he fights off the urge to come. “You feel sogood.”
“You do too, baby,” Daehyun whines, wrapping his arms around Yonghoon's waist and holding him close. He slows down the movement of his hips, focusing on the dig of Yonghoon's fingertips into the muscle of his ass instead of the sweet pressure on his groin.
“I need you to know something,” Yonghoon says, his voice broken and choppy as he struggles up against Daehyun. “Can I tell you?”
“Anything,” Daehyun whispers.
“I think about you inside me,” Yonghoon admits, and Daehyun feels a surge down through his body that lands directly in his cock. “And I want it—I want it so bad, Daehyun. Please, please tell me you want it too.”
Daehyun gasps and he's so, so close. He picks up the pace again, unable to fight it any longer, mouthing at Yonghoon's pulse as he drives harder against Yonghoon, and he can feel the outline of his cock, he can feel Yonghoon, it's so incredible.
“I don't care how big you are,” Yonghoon continues, his voice higher and louder and Daehyun can feel that he's close, too. “I don't care, Daehyun, I just want you to fuck me—”
Daehyun cries out, hips stuttering to a halt as he comes, spilling all over in the inside of underwear. As he starts to come down, he hears Yonghoon's high keening and feelings him thrashing, and he sucks gently on his throat as he settles, wrapping his arms tightly around Daehyun's shoulders, kissing at his temple.
“Can I tell you something?” Daehyun asks quietly, after their sweat has begun to cool and their breathing has returned to normal.
“Sure,” Yonghoon replies.
Daehyun pauses for a minute, gathering his courage, and says, “I'm scared to… to fuck you. I'm scared it won't feel good for you.”
Yonghoon hums, and Daehyun can feel the vibration where he's resting on top of him. “I don't think it'll be a problem. I mean… I couldn't feel how big you were, but I could sort of feel you… through the blazer.”
Daehyun lifts up, staring at Yonghoon anxiously.
“You felt me?”
All he can think is that he needs to know right now what Yonghoon is thinking. Yonghoon smiles at him and tucks one of his hairs back up onto his forehead from where it's fallen, humming happily at him.
“It was nice,” Yonghoon says. “And I definitely felt you, so I think you should be big enough to be inside me.”
Daehyun shifts uncomfortable, grimacing. His pants are sticky, he's too hot, his shirt is sticking to his back sweat, and he's starting to feel cramped. And on top of it all, Yonghoon still wants to see him and wants him inside and Daehyun's not even sure he'll be able to hit Yonghoon's prostate and he'll never feel how deep Daehyun can go and he'll never feel stretched and—
“Daehyun?”
“Can we take some time, still?” Daehyun asks.
“Just… I'm still not ready to… to show you.”
Yonghoon nods, kissing him sweetly.
“We have all the time in the world,” he says, before his eyes glint impishly and he smiles wide. “But we can still do this, right?”
Daehyun laughs and nuzzles his nose against Yonghoon's.
“Right.”