Chapter Text
It was a mistake. Alexia tried to sneak out of the bed without waking Jenni but Jenni’s arm was holding onto her hip tightly in her sleep. She should’ve never fallen back into this again. She had tried to keep Jenni at arm’s length, she had tried so hard. They’d broken up when Jenni had chosen not to renew her Barcelona contract, breaking their promise to each other not to do long distance again. This time she went further all the way to Mexico. For six years Alexia thought Jenni was going to be the person she spent her life with but she ruined it with one decision.
Her ACL injury had given her a whole year away from Jenni and after half a season when they weren’t in a relationship being a mess of hookups and love confessions, she thought it was the one positive of the injury. She got to actually focus on her new relationship and maybe start to fall in love again without Jenni getting in the way and all the old feelings resurfacing.
She was naive to think they could make it through the whole World Cup. She tried. She really tried to keep her at arm’s length, she promised Olga that she’d keep her at arm’s length but they had their little group with Misa, Codi, Irene and Mariona and it was impossible to avoid her. So arm's length turned into civility, civility turned into catching up and catching up turned into friendship again but they’d never really been friends.
This was not the plan.
Reaching the semi-finals had just been so emotional and Jenni had been there and comforting her and Alexia had no idea who kissed who first. There wasn’t even alcohol involved, just so much emotion.
“I can hear you thinking, Ale, go back to sleep,” Jenni pulled her closer. She still sounded mostly asleep and it reminded her of so many mornings. Alexia could feel herself being pulled back in, her head falling to Jenni’s shoulder.
“No,” she stopped herself, pushing Jenni away from her and getting out of bed, “No. This was a mistake,” she told her, looking for her underwear or shorts on the floor in the dark.
“Ale,” she could hear Jenni sit up and then the light turned on and it was easy enough to pick out her underwear on the floor. “Can we at least talk about this?”
“Like you spoke to me about leaving Barcelona,” she spat out, finding a pair of shorts, a bra and a shirt. She wasn’t sure who the training gear belonged to but she didn’t care. She just needed out. How could she be so fucking stupid?
Alexia tried to go straight to her room but she didn’t have her keycard or phone. “Fuck!” she hit her head against the door to her room.
She contemplated going the whole day without her keycard or phone but she quickly realised she didn’t even know the time. Alexia really didn’t want anyone to find out about her mistake and Jenni giving her her phone back in the middle of the day would be a major giveaway. She resigned herself to walking back to Jenni’s room and knocking on the door. Jenni opened it quickly, smirking a little as she held out her phone, keycard, watch and rings to her.
“Shut up!” she told her, shaking her head, taking her things from her and instantly dropping her rings on the floor.
She sighed, putting her things in her pocket and going to bend down to get them but Jenni had already gotten there and was passing her the rings again. She took them quickly, “No one finds out about this,” she told her firmly before going straight to her room. Alexia had no idea what she was going to do and it was five in the morning. She collapsed into bed and screamed into her pillow.
Alexia had no idea what she was supposed to do.
How could she fuck this up so much?
She had a plan to dodge Jenni all day but failed the second she went down for breakfast, being called over to sit down by Misa. Codi and Jenni were already sitting together at the same table, talking and laughing about something. Alexia hated her a little for seemingly being completely unaffected by everything, meanwhile, she felt like she was going to be sick from guilt and she was dodging the phone calls from her girlfriend.
“Are you alright?” Irene asked when she sat down.
“Yeah, fine,” she lied, ignoring the looks that Jenni was giving her. She could feel Jenni’s eyes on her. How could she be so stupid?
Unfortunately, she was on the same schedule as Jenni all day but Misa, Codi, Irene and Mario were there too. Alexia just made sure that she was never alone with Jenni, that there was always a buffer between them while she ignored the texts from Olga buzzing up on her phone. She didn’t want to confront that part of reality, she couldn’t deal with that yet. She couldn’t get her head straight at all. It didn’t help that the day was spent in ice baths, physio and the gym. Jenni shirtless. She spent a lot of time staring at her feet. Jenni definitely did not spend the day looking down, she could feel her eyes on her.
Jenni realised that Alexia wasn’t going to be alone with her about halfway through the day and that’s when her texts started to fill the endless inbox of unread messages on her phone.
Jenni:
Can we talk?
She opened this one and deliberately left it on read. Jana had told her that was rude. She hoped Jenni got the message but she clearly didn’t.
Jenni:
I know it was a mistake, I know you’re dating someone else but I think it’s important we talk about this
Alexia:
I have nothing else to say
She sent the text while they were in the gym and she watched Jenni’s face fall as she read it.
Olga:
Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?
Alexia sighed. She was going to have to say something. She typed out a lie and sent it. She thought about adding that she would call her later but she didn’t want to get her hopes up.
Alexia:
Yeah, I’m fine. Just a busy day in recovery. Sorry.
Then in the afternoon, she couldn’t avoid Jenni. They always sat next to each other in the game analysis at the front of the room. She took her seat leaning against the wall and steeled herself to be ripped apart by someone who had very little basic understanding of the game of football. He wasn’t happy that they conceded later and took it to extra time, it was not their best performance and he was right about that but he didn’t need to break the players while he told them that. Plus, his line-up was a huge part of the bad performance. Salma should’ve started and he should’ve called up Laia Aleixandri and Lucia Garcia, they didn’t have the depth. She fucking hated this shit.
Thankfully, Jenni didn’t try to talk to her about last night, she only provided commentary on what Vilda was saying. Slighting him under her breath like she always would. It always made Alexia feel less alone in her anger and helped her remember what she was writing while she made notes for the speeches she had to give the younger players afterwards. Most of the time, they were shaken by Vilda and needed a little pep talk as a boost afterwards. Vilda seemed to think completely destroying their confidence was an effective coaching method.
Jenni was better at emotional support though, she and Irene were better at it. Alexia was better at telling them the facts of how good they played. She made a beeline for Cata. He’d been most critical of her. Jenni was ahead of her, joking with the young players and quickly making them laugh. Alexia couldn’t help but laugh too because she was funny, it was always easy to laugh with her. She turned and looked back at her, smiling proudly at the fact that she made her laugh. Alexia ducked her head, moving away and going to talk to Aitana in the corner. Just check in and make sure what Vilda and Montse had said didn’t get to her too much. Montse seemed to have this vendetta against her no matter how well she played.
It was dinner after that and Jenni ended up sitting with some of the young players that weren’t getting minutes. She had been making them laugh before dinner and she seemed determined to cheer them up with Codi. It gave her a break and a second to think sitting at a table with Misa, Mario and Irene talking over her.
She didn’t know how or why she decided to go to Jenni’s room after dinner but she ended up standing outside, waiting for her and she couldn’t bring herself to walk to her own room just across the hallway. Jenni eventually showed up and leaned close to reach past her to open the door with her keycard. “Are we going to talk now?” she whispered the words, her breath ghosting over the shell of her ear.
Alexia sucked in a breath, shaking her head and leaning back to push the door open. Reaching up to pull Jenni into a kiss instead of talking. She had told herself she was going to talk but her body moved of its own accord. Kissing Jenni was addictive, she was so good at kissing and she knew exactly how to kiss her.
This time the sex was more emotional. It wasn’t rushed or celebratory or fun like it was the night before, it was like the year’s worth of emotions were poured into it, she barely broke eye contact with Jenni the whole time. It was intense. She collapsed back onto the bed and she could feel the tears pricking at the back of her eyes. Then kisses were being dropped all over her face by Jenni and she was being hugged tightly.
“Hey, you’re okay,” she was whispering into her hair, “I’ve got you, you’re okay.” The words were repeated over and over again and then she felt Jenni going to move. She clung to her. “I was just going to get you some water, Ale,” the words were in Catalan. She hadn’t heard Jenni speak it in so long. She knew that Jenni was doing it because it was always the language that she was more comfortable in. Jenni had learnt it to surprise her when she was away from Barcelona in Paris and then Madrid.
“Stay,” Alexia shook her head and buried her head in Jenni’s neck. Her strong arms held her so close and more kisses were pressed to the top of her head. She had no idea why she was crying, she just knew that she needed Jenni close to her and Jenni knew never to push her to talk.
She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she remembered she had woken up. Jenni had clearly dressed her while she was sleeping, she was wearing underwear and shorts as well as one of Jenni’s hoodies. Jenni was still there like she hadn’t moved, her arms wrapped around her holding her close. The only evidence that she moved was the fact that Jenni was also dressed and the covers were pulled over them.
Alexia kissed her arm and tried to pull her closer. Her knee was hurting. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore. She knew that she’d rushed it. She just didn’t want to admit it. She didn’t want to deal with this anymore. Jenni seemed to wake up with the action as though she had barely been sleeping. “Are you okay?” she asked the question tentatively and she knew that she didn’t need to answer.
“Why did you have to leave?” was what she ended up saying, “They would’ve renewed your contract.”
Jenni just silently shook her head for a moment before taking a deep breath. “I don’t think it’s the right time to fight about this again,” she whispered.
She thought for a second about pushing it. Jenni had never given her a proper reason. Alexia needed that reason but she was so comfortable for the minute and she didn’t have the energy to scream or shout or fight right now. “Is your knee okay?” her hand snaked down to rest on her knee, massaging it softly.
Alexia tried to open her mouth to lie but she couldn’t, she just turned, burying her head in her chest. “It’s okay, we’ll figure it out,” she whispered, kissing the top of her head. She hadn’t realised how much she needed the comfort. Jenni had been her safe space for six years and she hadn’t really felt as safe with anyone else. She was scared of worrying everyone else, scared of scaring them but with Jenni, she didn’t worry about that. She knew Jenni had her. It had turned so bad at the end but for years Jenni had been her person. She needed her person.
She fell asleep again and when she woke up, she didn’t run away. It felt like less of a mistake. She felt horrible for it but it felt like less of a mistake. She knew she did something wrong but it felt right. Fuck. Alexia hated it. Jenni was already awake. “Want me to go get breakfast, bring it up and we could talk?” she offered.
They had the morning off. A lot of girls were going to the beach. “Yeah,” she ended up breathing and Jenni slipped out of bed, kissing her quickly before she left. It felt so natural that Alexia barely registered it. She didn’t even have to tell Jenni what she wanted, she already knew. It was just so easy with her.
Jenni brought back tostada, coffee, jamón and an acai bowl for both of them. She’d moved to the sofa and Jenni sat on the sofa opposite her after putting everything on the table. Alexia went straight for the coffee first. “How’s your knee today?” she asked.
Alexia shrugged, “Not too bad, I think it’ll be fine before the next game.” Jenni eyed her suspiciously. She was maybe the only person who knew how many injuries she pushed through and told herself that she didn’t have just so she could play.
Jenni didn’t push her though, “Just check with the physios,” she smiled. It was her way of saying don’t be stupid without starting a fight over it. She could tell how much Jenni didn’t want to fight with her. “Did you see the video of Misa scaring Mario yesterday?” she changed the subject and Alexia shook her head and Jenni pulled out her phone to show her the video.
By the time that she finished eating, she was just laughing with Jenni like old times and Jenni had moved to sit next to her on the sofa. They’d moved on to talking about music and Jenni was telling her about her team in Mexico. She could see how much more relaxed she seemed talking about Pachuca. More relaxed than when she was in Barcelona. It was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and Alexia hadn’t noticed it before. Maybe it was the right decision.
“Maybe, I’ll have to visit at some point,” she said the words without even thinking about them.
“I’ll happily give you a tour,” Jenni told her, “Are you going on the preseason trip to Mexico?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” Alexia shrugged, “I have a choice, are you?”
“I was going to stay in Madrid a little longer,” she played with a couple of the rings she was wearing and Alexia looked down at her hand and her tattoos. The 1994 across her wrist. She never covered it up, the tattoo for her. She used to cover it up towards the end but not anymore. There were a lot of the tattoos that Jenni had because of her but the 1994 tattoo was the only one that she ever covered up.
She took a second, looking down at the tattoos. “You left because you wanted to, didn’t you?” she questioned, “Not just the money or Barcelona, you wanted out.”
“Of Barcelona and Liga F,” Jenni told her, “I never wanted out of you but it wasn’t a healthy place for me anymore. I needed to slow down and Mexico offered that out.”
Alexia nodded, “I should’ve listened to you more back then.”
“I knew what it was going to do to us,” Jenni shrugged, “I just really hoped that it wouldn’t and that you would listen.”
She took a deep breath, “I wanted to go further with us and you moving away made that impossible.”
“It wouldn’t have been forever,” Jenni started to sound a little passionate, “I can’t play forever and we wouldn’t have had kids if we were both still playing,” she filled in what Alexia hadn’t said. They both knew that they’d both always wanted kids, to get married and have kids so when Jenni said she was moving it was like throwing all of that away. Her future that she’d worked six years for.
“Why didn’t you say that?”
“Why didn’t you listen?” Jenni fired back before she’d even finished the question. She’d snapped and Alexia could hear the anger in her voice. She swallowed and tried not to rise to it. Alexia didn’t want to fight either. They’d done enough of that. “It’s not like this matters anymore, you’ve moved on,” she stood up, putting her bowl down.
It was like she had forgotten that. It hit Alexia like a tonne of bricks and she dropped her head back against the sofa. “I’m not the only one you need to have a conversation with, Ale,” Jenni told her.
“It’s not like you didn’t know,” she muttered.
“Don’t put this on me,” Jenni laughed, going over to her phone and checking it.
“Sorry,” she found herself apologising, picking up her own phone. More unanswered texts from Olga and now some from Alba too asking her what was going on. She put her phone down again, ignoring it. She could only feel guilty. Her whole body was filled with guilt. She was breaking a promise that she made and she hated doing that. Alexia hated that so much.
Jenni smiled at her softly, “I’m going to take a shower,” she told her before she disappeared into the bathroom. She stared down at her phone. Fuck. Now people were texting her to find out where she was. They were texting the group chat and also asking after Jenni.
She stood up, knocking on the door to the bathroom, “I’m going to tell the girls that we’re just hanging out, we both struggled to sleep,” she called through the door, “They are looking for us.”
“What?” Jenni shouted and she heard the shower turn off before the door opened and she stuck her head around the door.
“Girls are looking for us, I’m telling them we’re just hanging out, we both struggled to sleep,” she repeated.
“Tell them I’m in the shower too so they don’t come in,” Jenni smiled and Alexia typed out the text trying not to look too hard at Jenni. She could only see her arm and her dripping wet hair but it was Jenni. She disappeared back into the bathroom before Alexia could finish typing the text but she couldn’t get the image out of her mind. Fuck. She’d missed her so much. She threw her phone to the side and checked the door to the room was properly locked before she knocked on the door again.
Jenni took a moment to open it but the shower hadn’t been turned back on again. “What?” she asked, sticking her head round the door again.
Alexia just surged forward and kissed her and Jenni opened properly, tugging her inside with a hand on her hip. “God, you’re so needy,” she murmured against her lips.
When they had a very long shower. A very long shower. Alexia could barely walk afterwards and that wasn’t because of her knee. She pulled on one of the hotel dressing gowns and sat on the sink counter, brushing her teeth while she let her legs recover. Jenni smiled at her, stealing quick pecks between brushing the knots out of her hair. She had somehow managed to wash it in the shower still.
Alexia really needed to sort her life out. She wasn’t someone who cheats. That wasn’t her. She was chronically monogamous. She had no idea who she really was in the moment but she felt happy and calm in a way that she hadn’t felt in a while. Especially since her ACL. So she fell into a bad habit, of acting like she was in this secret relationship with Jenni. They were friends to the rest of the world, she texted Olga and pretended everything was okay because she didn’t know what else to do and behind closed doors, in Jenni’s hotel room, they were just together.
It was four days between the quarter-final and semi-final. They won the semi-final as well and it was a relief no matter how much her knee hurt. They were in a World Cup final. She could hardly believe it. She felt so much joy. Jenni’s arms were the first to wrap around her and she almost instantly collapsed into her, burying her head into her neck. A soft kiss was pressed to her cheek and she kissed Jenni’s neck just for a second then Codi and Misa crashed into them. She never let go of Jenni but she felt Jenni move her arms to bring Codi and Misa into the hug. They were in a World Cup final.
She saw the text later that night on the coach back to the hotel while everyone else was celebrating. She was tired and needed a minute and Jenni was next to her with so much energy that she could get away with taking it.
Olga:
You slept with Jenni, didn’t you?
Alexia could feel herself start to panic, and struggle to breathe. She didn’t know what to say. It was a text but she knew how much hurt was behind it. Jenni had been such a problem in the early days of their relationship, such a massive insecurity and she’d hurt her in the worst way possible. She didn’t want to hurt anyone. She felt a hand move to her leg, rubbing small circles on her thigh and looked down to see Jenni’s 1994 tattoo. She took hold of her hand and felt her body relax a little.
“Is it too loud?” Jenni leaned over and whispered in a break in the song that she and Misa were singing. She shook her head and Jenni smiled, still offering her the headphones out of her pocket. Alexia had her own but it was the gesture, the thought, the way that Jenni knew her. She shook her head and Jenni still dropped them into her lap as a silent just in case as she went back to singing loudly. Alexia took hold of her hand, squeezing it quickly before she responded. She clicked send so quickly so that she couldn’t chicken out.
Alexia:
Can I call you later? I’m stuck on the coach.
She knew it was a silent admission of guilt. She didn’t deny it.
Olga:
Fuck you Alexia
She panicked and pressed the call button but it didn't go through. She was blocked.
Alba:
YOU SLEPT WITH JENNI
Fuck. She collapsed back in her chair. She should’ve remembered that Alba was watching with Olga. Fuck. There was some yelling from Vilda and a deflated Jenni slid back into the chair next to her, giggling with Misa and Codi. “Are you okay?” she checked in properly this time, her hand back on her knee, massaging it gently. She couldn’t say it out loud so she just showed her the messages from Olga and the message from Alba.
Alba:
ALEXIA
WHAT THE FUCK
Then her phone started to ring. She panicked and quickly rejected the call.
Alexia:
I’m on the coach. I can’t talk. I’ll call you later.
Alba:
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ALEXIA
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT??
Alexia turned her phone off and rested her head on Jenni’s shoulder. She had no idea what this meant, she had no idea if it was a good idea but her relationship with Olga was definitely over. She'd hurt her in the worst way possible and she'd ruined it. Alexia dropped her head to rest on Jenni's shoulder and Jenni's arm moved to wrap around her, her arm resting low on her hip. She smiled softly to herself and then she felt eyes on her. Alexia looked up to see Mariona staring at her and Jenni, a look of recognition in her eyes. They'd been caught. Alexia couldn't bring herself to care.
“I have to go call Alba,” she whispered, kissing Jenni's cheek. She'd stopped her in the hallway while everyone else had filed into their rooms, “I'll come over later.”
“Okay,” Jenni stole a quick kiss from her lips and slipped her spare key card into her pocket. Alexia smiled to herself as she disappeared into her room before taking a deep breath and calling her sister.
“Alexia Putellas Segura!” Alba shouted down the phone, “Why the fuck did I just have to drive your crying girlfriend to a friend's house because she didn't want to stay at yours because you apparently cheated on her with your ex and told over text!”
Alexia didn't know what to say.
“It just happened,” she ended up whispering in a small voice, “And I didn't mean to tell her over text,” she admitted, “I was going to call her.”
Alba sighed loudly and Alexia could hear a loud door slam in the background. “What do you mean it just happened? Did you accidentally fuck her or something because that's not how it works?”
“I don't know Alba, I tried to avoid her but we have the same friends so I just went back to being civil like when we played together at Barça and then we became friendly and then after the quarter-finals there were just so many emotions and I don't really know how it happened, we were both a little drunk,” she explained.
Alba sounded so exasperated on the other end of the phone, “Do you regret it?” she asked.
“I regret hurting her,” she said and she heard Alba’s muffled scream on the other end of the phone like she was screaming into a pillow.
“What are you and Jenni doing then?” Alba asked her. It was practically an interrogation and Alexia had no answers for her. Eventually, she admitted that at least some part of her wanted a relationship with Jenni. It was after that confession that Olga called her. It was so late, almost three in the morning and she was half-asleep but Alba told her if she didn’t answer the phone, she’d fly to Australia to murder her so she hung up on her sister and answered the phone call.
“What happened?” Olga demanded.
“I don't-”
“Just tell me what happened, Alexia,” she insisted. There was so much anger and hurt in her voice that Alexia knew it wasn’t a good idea to argue with her.
She sighed, “We slept together after the quarter-finals,” she confessed.
“Have you done it since then?” Olga pushed.
She ran her hands through her hair, trying to stifle her yawn. It was so late and she was so tired. “Yes,” she told her honestly.
“How many times?”
“Ol-”
“How many times?” she insisted and it sounded like she was about to cry.
Alexia took a deep breath. She didn’t know. What counted as a time? “Four,” she decided. It was probably the closest answer there was. Four nights together.
“Fucking hell, Alexia,” Olga breathed, “You said you were over her!” she shouted and launched into a tirade about how much of a terrible person she was. Alexia just lay there and took it. Olga wasn’t wrong. She cried silently. She was a terrible fucking person. Olga was crying loudly and openly and it only made Alexia feel worse and she deserved to feel worse. She deserved it. She was a terrible person. Olga hung up and blocked her again at some point but her words echoed around her head.
She was a terrible fucking person who’d hurt someone that didn’t deserve it at all. Alexia fucking hated herself. She buried her head in her pillow and cried. Her knee was also in excruciating pain. She never should’ve let Vilda play her. Fuck. She hated this, she hated herself and she hated her choices.
Alexia was woken up by a loud knocking on her door. She dragged herself out of bed and opened the door. “You look like shit,” Mariona commented.
“Thanks,” she muttered sarcastically.
“So you and Jenni?” she asked and Alexia stepped aside to let her in, “When did that happen again?” she asked.
“After the quarter-finals,” she told her.
“And Olga?”
“We just broke up last night,” Alexia felt herself start to cry again and she collapsed back on her bed, “I know I’m a shitty person.”
“Have you slept at all?” Mariona asked her, looking more concerned than anything else.
“A little,” Alexia ran her hands through her hair, sitting on the edge of the bed, “I was meant to go see Jenni last night but I fell asleep. Alba called me then Olga called me and I just-” she sighed, shaking her head, “And I think I’ve fucked my knee.”
“Okay,” Mariona sighed, “Let’s get you to the physios,” she offered her a hand to help her up and Alexia let herself get dragged down to medical. She didn’t see Jenni all morning and it was halfway into the physio check-up that she realised her phone was completely dead. She’d forgotten to charge it. She slipped it into her pocket with the keycard to Jenni’s room. She could charge it later. But later didn’t really happen. She had to eat food then she was pulled back into physio and she ran late to the game analysis and had to sit at the back.
Vilda used the time to scream at her that she wasn’t playing well enough and now turned up late. She just zoned out but she could only hear Olga’s words from the night before echoing in her head and when everyone else was sent out for training, she was sent to the gym to test her knee. She didn’t want to do it. She wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. It was too much today, too much hate, too much negativity. She couldn’t take it and now she was in pain and trying to pretend she wasn’t.
She made it to a bed to curl up in a ball a lot later in the day. She went to Jenni’s room. Alexia really wanted to see her and she still had the keycard. Everyone else was still in training so she just pulled on one of Jenni’s hoodies and buried her head in the pillow. They’d told her that she might not be able to play in a World Cup final. It was like her whole life was falling apart around her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
A weight shifted the bed and she was being pulled into Jenni’s arms. She had no idea how long she had been laying there but she could feel herself relax, hiding her head in Jenni’s neck and lips pressed against the side of her head. “I might not be able to play the final,” she whispered.
“I’m so sorry, Ale,” Jenni whispered the words into her hair, holding her tightly.
“Olga and I broke up and Alba wants to murder me,” she added, “And Vilda’s right.”
Jenni shook her head, “He never should’ve played you anyway,” she whispered, “Your knee was already bad, of course, you weren’t in form.” Alexia shook her head, she didn’t want to hear it. Jenni kissed the side of her head, “I’m just being honest, Ale,” she whispered.
“And if I was being honest, I’d tell you to go for a shower,” she joked. Jenni had come straight from training and she smelt like it.
She shoved her a little, “You know what-” she laughed and Alexia giggled a little. Jenni started to move away but Alexia pulled her back in, “I thought I had to go for a shower,” she laughed.
“No,” Alexia shook her head, holding Jenni close. Jenni’s fingers moved under her chin and tilted her head up so she could kiss her softly. Alexia smiled into the kiss before she relaxed and laid her head back on her chest. “Oh and Mario knows, she figured it out,” she whispered, yawning.
“We can figure it out later,” Jenni told her, “Get some sleep, Ale.”
“I’m not tired,” Alexia insisted.
“You were just yawning,” she laughed, “Get some sleep,” she kissed the top of her head again. Alexia sighed, trying to hide her yawn but she was so tired.
She woke up to see Jenni get out of the shower. Alexia tried to pretend that she was still asleep as she watched Jenni slowly get dressed while singing softly under her breath. Alexia couldn’t hear the song but watching the bright smile on Jenni’s face, made her smile too. Eventually, Jenni moved closer to her to pick up her brush off the bedside table and Alexia squeezed her eyes shut so Jenni didn’t realise she was awake and had been watching her.
“Good morning,” she heard Jenni laugh, leaning down and kissing her. Her brushed across Alexia’s face tickling her and she giggled into the kiss. “How long have you been awake?” she whispered.
“Long enough,” Alexia laughed, “What time is it?” she sat up a little, combing her hands through Jenni’s still slightly wet hair.
“I was about to wake you up to go to dinner,” she smiled, “It’s seven-thirty.”
“I’ll follow you down,” she told her, looking for her phone.
“I put it on charge,” Jenni told her, passing it to her, “Alba has been texting you,” she laughed, glancing at her lock screen.
Alexia sighed, “I’m coming down with you actually,” she decided, reluctantly climbing out of bed and putting her phone back in your pocket.
“You're not going to reply to your sister?” Jenni laughed, brushing her hair.
“I need to eat some food first,” Alexia shrugged, “I don’t have the energy.”
They fell back into old habits pretty quickly. Alexia spent every night in Jenni’s room in the lead-up to the final and Jenni stuck by her side, supporting her as she made her way back into training. It looked like she could be subbed on towards the end of the match. She couldn’t have gotten there without Jenni by her side. Alexia felt like she wasn’t the worst person in the world when Jenni was there with her. She was in a little bubble and she wanted to stay in it, not thinking about the future and how much she may have fucked her life up. She was happy and she felt calm.
Fifteen minutes. She managed fifteen minutes in a World Cup final. She managed fifteen minutes before they won the World Cup final. She won a World Cup final. She collapsed to the floor on her back and Jenni was crushing her. Alexia wrapped her arms around her laughing as she felt more and more of their teammates wrapping on top of her. She just wrapped her arms around Jenni though, burying her face in her neck and kissing her lightly there. Alexia felt Jenni kiss her cheek three or four times.
“We did it!” she laughed.
“We did it!” Jenni collapsed against her more as their teammates finally started to get off them. Alexia watched Codi tap Jenni’s back and Jenni sighed, deciding to get up and offering her hands out to Alexia. She pulled herself up and tugged Jenni into a hug. Jenni kissed her cheek again, “Finally crying happy tears,” she whispered. Alexia laughed, wiping her eyes.
Alexia suggested that they swap shirts while they were waiting for the medals. She’d gone through hugging everyone and comforting some of the England girls and the whole time, she just wanted Jenni next to her and it was the only way she could think of for it to mean more than it already meant. They’d been on this whole journey together, it was their third World Cup together. Jenni agreed quickly, smiling brightly as she swapped shirts with her, putting it on backwards so that her name was visible and Alexia did the same.
They were towards the end of the line, Jenni in front of her as they walked up. They were both so excited, Alexia could barely keep herself from crying. She hadn’t been this happy or proud of herself in a long time and they could actually change things off the back of this. Alexia watched Jenni get her medal and then stepped up to get her own. It was the best medal that she’d ever had hanging around her neck. She looked down at the medal hanging around her neck. Alexia couldn’t stop herself from smiling.
She didn’t see what Rubiales did at the time. Jenni was right next to her but Alexia was talking to the Princess and didn’t see it. She was hugged too tightly by him but didn’t let it bring her down, quickly making her way to the trophy and kissing it quickly. Alexia could barely see that they’d actually done it.
Jenni was just ahead of her standing towards the edge and Alexia made her way over to where Jenni was standing. She wrapped her arm around her shoulder and pressed her forehead to the side of Jenni’s head for a second. Jenni smiled at her softly. Her arm slipped around her waist, squeezing her hip gently. She looked so close to tears. There were so many celebrations and photos with the trophy. The whole time she was in disbelief they’d actually won. It only started to set in when she saw her mum, hugging her tightly. She’d missed her so much.
Alexia only learnt about it when she went to find Irene with Mateo on her hip, he wanted his mum so she went down the tunnel to find her. She could see Irene and Jenni whispering with Jenni looking very upset at whatever Irene had said. “What’s going on?” she asked, walking up to them, letting Irene lift her son out of her arms. She wrapped an arm around Jenni.
“It’s nothing,” Jenni tried to insist.
“It’s not nothing,” Irene insisted. Alexia looked between them. “Did you not see?” Irene asked, noticing how confused she was.
“No,” she looked at Jenni for clarification.
Jenni shook her head, “It’s fine,” she cut Irene off when she opened her mouth to explain, “I don’t want to ruin the celebrations.”
“He kissed you without permission, that’s never okay, Jenni,” Irene sighed, “The celebrations don’t matter.”
She stared over at Jenni, “What?”
“It’s nothing, it’s fine,” Jenni insisted, kissing her temple, “They have alcohol in the changing room,” she tried to drag her into the room.
Alexia stopped her, “No, what happened?” she asked.
“He just kissed me,” Jenni shrugged, “I don’t want to ruin this, okay?” she was practically begging her.
She looked her in the eye, trying to see how serious she was. “Fine,” Alexia eventually conceded, “But we’re sorting this out in the morning,” she told her.
“Are you two dating again?” Irene blurted out, clamping her hand over her mouth the second that the words left her mouth, making Mateo giggle and mimic her, slapping his little hand over his mouth.
“It’s complicated,” Jenni spoke before she did. Alexia swallowed. That was the best way to describe it.
She made sure the rest of the time they were near Rubiales, she was a physical barrier between them. They couldn’t say much for a long time. Rubiales tried to persuade her to support him but Alexia shut it up and stepped between them. “You’re being very protective,” Jenni whispered when they were sitting in their plane seats.
They had more parties and the trophy presentation and it was like they stayed in their bubble. All their teammates were slowly finding out and there was more and more pressure on Jenni to say something but in the hotel room in Ibiza and when they were together it was like a bubble. She knew it was going to burst, she knew it had a time limit but she didn’t know how to bring it up. Supporting Jenni was more important to her. She couldn’t just turn around and ask what they were doing after she got off the phone with her lawyers.
She ended up just tweeting her support and flying to Mexico with Mapi after making sure that Jenni was okay staying in Madrid with her family. “So you and Jenni are back together?” Mapi looked very proud of herself when she asked the question once they were both trapped in their seats. She knew that she’d been waiting to ask it all day.
“It’s complicated,” she shrugged, logging onto the plane wifi and smiling when she saw the selfie that Jenni had sent her with Andy curled up next to her head.
“Sure,” Mapi laughed, looking over her shoulder.
It was a lot of Facetime calls and texts and selfies back and forth but they never labelled it. They were both too scared to. Jenni just sent her a lot of advice on places to visit while she was in Mexico and Alexia took people with her pretending it wasn’t Jenni that gave her the tips. They had five days of crossover between her return from Mexico and Jenni’s return to Mexico. For the first two days, Jenni was in Barcelona. On the third day, Alexia came home from training and she was sitting on her doorstep.
She was staring down at her phone and didn’t notice Alexia walk up to her until she was right next to her. “Hi,” she stood up, hugging her tightly.
“Hi,” Alexia laughed, kissing her cheek, “What are you doing here?” she whispered, “Not that I’m complaining.”
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen Nala,” Jenni shrugged and Alexia gave her a little shove, stepping past her to open the door, Nala came sprinting out, past her and going straight for Jenni. She gasped, rolling her eyes as she walked inside. Jenni was smiling way too smugly as she gave Nala all the attention she wanted, picking her up and following Alexia inside. She was telling Nala how much she missed her.
“You really are just here to see the dog,” Alexia shook her head.
“It’s been over a year, Ale,” Jenni laughed.
Alexia shook her head, leaning over and stealing a quick kiss from her lips, “I was going to take her on a walk to the beach today,” she smiled, “I need to get some food for dinner as well.”
“Let’s go to the beach then,” Jenni laughed at how excited Nala got when she heard what they were talking about.
“I just need to change quickly,” Alexia went to go to her bedroom but Jenni grabbed her hand and pulled her back, kissing her before she let her go. She smiled to herself. She never wanted to admit how much she’d wanted Jenni to come visit in her time off and how happy she was that she had. Nothing was happening. She grabbed Jenni’s suitcases to bring them to the bedroom. “You’ve got a lot of stuff,” she commented casually, trying to figure out how long she was staying.
“I changed my flights so I fly out of Barna,” Jenni told her, “It’s still non-stop, only thirty minutes slower.” Three days. She was getting three days. Alexia couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she changed into something to walk Nala in.
It was three amazing days back in the bubble. It was on the second day that Mapi gave her a weird look. “Is Jenni staying?” she asked when it was just them.
Alexia was more surprised that she figured it out, “How?” she stuttered out.
“You’re smiling a lot,” Mapi laughed, “And,” she poked her neck and Alexia clamped her hand over her neck. She’d put concealer on them. “Try a more sweatproof concealer next time,” Mapi laughed.
“Fuck,” Alexia muttered, going to look in the mirror. She was going to kill Jenni.
“Are you two dating then?” Mapi asked, smiling smugly.
Alexia shrugged, “I don’t know,” she told her honestly.
“Are you going to talk to her about it?” Mapi asked her casually, looking more than a little concerned. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to ruin it. They only had three days. Irene, Mapi and Mariona all pushed her, though. Even Jana weighed in and said she should talk about it. She didn’t want to. They had three days and she didn’t want to ruin it.
She didn’t say anything until the final day, they’d stayed in their bubble staying at her place every other day but they decided to go out on the final day. It was undeniably a date. They went to their favourite restaurant in Barcelona, they both got dressed up and Alexia felt nervous and she couldn’t stop smiling. But the question of what they were doing weighed on her mind all night. She couldn’t sleep when they were lying in bed later that night.
“Ale,” Jenni wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into her side, “Get some sleep, mi corazón,” she whispered, kissing the top of her head, “I can hear you thinking.”
The words left her mouth before she had a chance to think about it. She was so tired and they had been echoing around her head all day. “What are we doing?”
“I am trying to sleep,” Jenni laughed, “I don’t know what you’re doing.”
Alexia sighed, “You know what I mean,” she moved out of Jenni’s arms, sitting up and looking at her.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Jenni tried to pull her back down to sleep.
“If not now, when?” she asked, pushing her hand off her arm.
Jenni sat up reluctantly, glancing over at the clock. It was one in the morning. She yawned. “What do you want to be doing?” she asked her.
Alexia looked down at her hands, “Can we handle a long-distance relationship at the minute?” she asked quietly.
Jenni ran her hand through her hair, “There’s so much going on at the minute,” she agreed, “You might be right.”
She bit her lip, taking a deep breath. It wasn’t what she wanted. It wasn’t what she wanted at all but she didn’t want to hurt Jenni more than she already had been hurt. She didn’t want to be part of that. “So we’re not dating?” she took a deep breath, her voice shaking as she said the words.
“We’re not dating,” Jenni confirmed. Alexia didn’t notice that she sounded equally as sad and disappointed as her.
Alexia laid back down in the bed, a little further away from Jenni. She wasn’t sure what to do. She felt Jenni’s hand brush against hers and pull away sharply but she reached for it, lacing their fingers together again. Jenni squeezed her hand, tugging Alexia a little closer. Alexia turned her head and looked her in the eye. She searched her eyes and leaned closer. Jenni was the one who collapsed the gap, kissing her softly. Alexia poured all her emotions into the kiss, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her on top of her.
“This isn’t dating,” Jenni told her between kisses.
“It’s just a goodbye,” Alexia agreed with her, threading her hands into Jenni’s hair as she trailed kisses down her body. Just a goodbye.
She drove her to the airport the next morning, kissing her goodbye again in the car. They never said ‘goodbye’ though. They never uttered those words. Alexia just told Jenni to text her when she landed. She got that text with a little selfie of Jenni in the car leaving the airport and it left the door open to more than just polite conversation. She sent back a post-training selfie with Nala napping next to her and flung the door wide open. They texted every day.
Then they both made their return to club football. It was the same day but with the time difference, Alexia went first. She came back to a photo of Jenni watching the game on her phone. It looked like it had been taken by one of her teammates. Jenni also sent a lot of congratulations about how well she had played alongside a little bit of teasing about whether she was enjoying Madrid. Alexia texted back a reminder that she would still always hate Madrid.
But the photos reminded her of where she was though. Jenni’s hometown. She found herself texting Rafa and asking if she could see Andy. He didn’t seem as surprised by the texts as she expected and Alexia was sneaking out of the hotel and meeting up with Rafa. The family was out that night at the cinema so it was easy enough for Rafa to drop Andy off in the city on his way in. She’d missed the dog. He was tiny and annoying but he gave some of the most amazing cuddles. He loved affection and when Nala wasn’t there, he’d do.
Alexia ended up staying up late and watching Jenni play for Pachuca with Andy. The goals all came towards the end of the game while Alexia was beginning to fall asleep and it ended 2-2 but Jenni played amazingly. She sent a photo of Andy looking at the score at full-time. She hadn’t mentioned that she’d gotten Andy before then and it wasn’t long after the full-time whistle that she got a Facetime call.
“How do you have Andy?” Jenni was practically shouting through the phone and Andy heard her, barking at the phone. Alexia turned the camera so Jenni could see him.
“I still have Rafa’s number,” she shrugged, laughing as Andy launched himself at her phone and her face. He was trying to figure out the source of his mum’s voice.
Jenni smiled so brightly, “What time even is it over there?” she laughed and Andy tried to run into the phone. Alexia tried to calm him down.
“You don’t want to know,” Alexia smiled, “Other people are sleeping in this hotel,” she whispered to the dog, kissing the top of his head. She ended up falling asleep on Facetime while trying to tell Jenni her thoughts on the game. Alexia woke up and Jenni had hung up and texted her with a screenshot of Alexia sleeping with Andy in her arms.
Jenni:
And you said you hated Andy for so long, reina
Alexia:
Fuck off
She had set an early alarm and reluctantly dragged herself out of bed early to get coffee and drop Andy off with Rafa before anyone caught her. Alexia was lucky no one picked up on what she was doing, just that she was a little tired. It was what started the Facetimes again. Typically after one of them played or when one of them was sleeping. Just chatting. Alexia was watching a lot of Mexican league and Jenni seemed happy to listen to her thoughts on it.
The next national call-up. She was planning for the strike. Alexia had looked at flights to Mexico. She was just thinking about it. She wasn’t going to do it. They weren’t dating. Then she was called up. Jenni wasn’t. She was. Mapi was. Patri was. It was one of the most exhausting weeks. They won in so many ways but it almost broke her and she spent so long on the phone with Jenni. Both of them were emotionally exhausted, and both of them turned to each other for emotional support. Alexia couldn’t turn to many other people. She was leading it all and they needed her to be strong.
Alexia was so glad that Jenni wasn’t here. She started to realise how good Mexico was for her. She was removed from all of the chaos. Alexia had to block press for Jenni’s name. She didn’t have the strength to read it or see it. They were terrible. The press and media were disgusting. It was hard to keep her mouth shut during the press and watching Rubiales acting like a child. It was painful.
They stayed in the habit of texts and calls until the next international break and Jenni was called up. Alexia was excited to see her. She shouldn’t be as excited as she was. They weren’t dating. She kept reminding herself. They weren’t dating. They weren’t dating. Mapi stared at her in disbelief when she tried to explain it.
“You’re dating,” she laughed, “That’s literally the definition.”
“No,” Alexia denied it, “We’re just friends again.”
“Bullshit,” Mapi shook her head, “You’ve gone to see Andy twice now!” There was another away trip to Madrid. Rafa texted her asking if she wanted to see him this time. Mapi had found out when Alexia checked in on her face. They weren’t dating.
Alexia flew into Madrid for camp and she knew that Jenni was there ahead of her. She’d texted her updates on her visits to Liere and Andy. Jenni was maybe the fourth person that she hugged. Alexia wrapped her tightly in a hug, burying her face in her neck. She’d missed Jenni so much but she couldn’t say that. They weren’t dating.
“Ale!” Misa shouted after her and she was dragged away. She didn’t notice Jenni stealing her suitcase as she got distracted by people pulling her into a hug. She only noticed when she was looking for it. She checked her phone. Jenni texted her a room number and there was a keycard in her pocket too. It was not the keycard to her room. She rolled her eyes and made her way up to the room.
“Hi,” Jenni was sitting smirking on the bed in the room. Her luggage was in the corner furthest from the door.
“Hi,” Alexia shook her head, making her way over to her suitcase but Jenni cut her off. “I’m not doing this,” she smiled, “We’re not dating,” she told her.
“We don’t have to be dating,” Jenni smiled, her arm slipped around her waist when she tried to walk past.
“No, Jenni,” Alexia pushed her hand off her waist gently. Jenni let her step past.
“I think we made a mistake, cariño,” Jenni sat back down on the edge of the bed.
Alexia stared down at her suitcase. “What do you suggest we do then?” she asked, swallowing and trying to hold her voice steady.
“I don’t know,” Jenni shrugged, catching her hand when she tried to walk past the end of the bed. Alexia turned and looked her in the eye. “Do you still have feelings for me?” she asked quietly. Alexia could see the fear in her eyes as she asked the question.
She nodded. It was a tiny movement. She couldn’t admit it out loud. She couldn’t take it back then. It was too much.
“Why can’t we do something about it then?” Jenni asked her, “We both have feelings for each other.” Alexia tried to ignore how her heart leapt and skipped a beat with the admission. Then she remembered how much hurt they had caused people around her and each other in the past. It didn’t feel like the best idea. Alexia took a deep breath. She didn’t know what to do. She was so overwhelmed that she could barely function.
“I have to go,” she tugged her hand away from Jenni’s and ran out of the room.
“Are you okay?” she bumped into Misa and Codi in the hallway.
“I’m fine,” she lied, running into her room. She collapsed on the bed and called Mapi.
Mapi laughed when she picked up the phone, “I was wondering how long it would take you.”
“Fuck off,” Alexia muttered, “She admitted she has feelings for me and I ran away.”
Her best friend groaned, “You idiot!” she sighed, “Walk back over there and just ask the poor girl out on a date.”
Jenni didn’t talk to her for the rest of the week unless she absolutely needed to. No one noticed because to anyone else it was a normal amount of conversation but after the last few months, it was such a sudden adjustment and Alexia didn’t know how to cope. It hurt every part of her. She just wanted it back even if it was on a phone screen but she had no idea how to admit it. She had emotions and feelings. Alexia wanted to be better at them but she didn’t know how. They were so overwhelming and she didn’t want to get hurt again.
Mapi called her an idiot a minimum of ten times a day over the phone in the first three days. When Alexia didn’t do anything and Jenni dodged her after she scored in Italy, she started texting her multiple times a day and then Codi came up to her. “Mapi told me to call you an idiot,” she read off her phone screen, “Apparently, it has to be aggressive too,” she laughed, looking a little awkward.
“Thanks,” Alexia sighed, “I’ll handle her.”
“Ale!” Aitana shouted across the breakfast room, “You’re an idiot.” It turned out that Mapi had gotten to her a lot easier than she had gotten to Codi.
“Tell Mapi I said ‘hi’,” Alexia shouted back, giving her a thumbs up.
Aitana laughed, giving her a thumbs up back. “What’s Mapi doing?” Irene shook her head.
“She decided I’m not being called an idiot enough,” Alessia stabbed her food, “There’s a lot of reasons,” she lied. She could feel Jenni staring at her. Jenni knew enough that Alexia knew she would guess why Mapi was calling her an idiot. Mapi had somehow gotten most of the team calling her an idiot by the time they were in Switzerland. Somehow, she’d recruited AMC too after the match.
“How did Mapi get to you too?” Alexia complained when she stepped away from the hug.
“Codi told me it was a thing,” Ana laughed, “She didn’t say it came from Mapi.”
Alexia sighed, shaking her head, “I think ‘idiot’ might be my nickname for the foreseeable future because of her.”
She didn’t manage to get herself together before Jenni left for Mexico and she regretted it every day since and she hated herself for it. No more texts, no more Facetime, no more phone calls and no more selfies. She still found herself watching Jenni's game with Nala. Her season was wrapping up and she was playing insanely well. Alexia wanted to tell her that but she couldn't.
“Idiot,” Mapi sing-songed when she complained.
“Be nice,” Ingrid warned her, “She's heartbroken.”
“Isn't Jenni back in the country tho?” Mapi asked, “I swear I saw that she's on the team to cover El Clásico.”
“Yeah she is,” Alexia murmured under her breath.
“So finally fucking do something about it!” Mapi shoved, “I love you Ale, but I am fed up with hearing about this.”
Alexia against the back of the sofa, “What am I even meant to do?”
“Call her, text her, fly to Madrid and go see her, I don't care, just do something,” Mapi told her, shaking her head.
She didn't end up doing anything. Jenni did. She saw the text when she was sitting in the changing rooms ten minutes into the second half against Benfica. Her knees really didn't feel good.
Jenni:
Is your knee okay?
She didn't respond. She just collapsed against the back of her locker and tried not to cry. She could feel that it wasn't but she didn't want to admit it. It was just mental she told herself. It was just mental. She couldn't face walking back out to the bench, she'd sent all the physios away. It was just her. Her phone lit up and Alexia looked over. Jenni was calling her.
She picked up the phone and accidentally answered the call. “I couldn't see you back out on the bench,” she heard Jenni's voice and it broke her. She could only cry. Everything overwhelmed her. “I was going to ask if you're okay but you're clearly not,” she laughed a little, “Don't say it's an ACL again?”
“No,” she managed to get out, “Not that bad.”
“That's good at least,” she could hear Jenni breathe a sigh of relief. “Hey, it's going to be okay, Ale, you're going to be okay,” Jenni tried to comfort her through the phone but she couldn't stop crying, she couldn't even talk.
“Yeah, I've got her,” she heard a voice and then Mario’s arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a hug.
“I'm fine,” Alexia insisted, trying to push her away and stand up but she couldn't with her knee.
“You've been crying on the phone for five minutes, Ale,” it was Jenni who answered.
“And you can't even stand up to walk away from me,” Mario pointed out, “Do you need some ice on your knee?” she asked, moving away and going to the physio room.
“It's fine,” Alexia wiped her eyes, somehow pulling herself together. She wasn't sure why having Mariona there just made it hard for her to cry but she just couldn't anymore. She just shut down. Mario passed her a bottle of water and Alexia accepted it, taking a deep breath. She watched Mariona walk away a bit with her phone saying something to Jenni before she passed the phone back to Alexia.
“I'm fine, it was stupid,” she reassured Jenni.
“You're clearly not fine, cariño,” Jenni murmured the words and Alexia dropped her head into her hand. Mariona was watching her closely.
“No I am,” she insisted, “I don't even know what happened,” she took another deep breath, swallowing and wiping her eyes, “I was just being stupid.”
“You’re overwhelmed, Ale,” Jenni sympathised, “It's normal, you've gone from scoring two goals to not being able to use your knee, it's the highest high to the lowest low, it's a lot. Don't be so hard on yourself.”
Alexia nodded, wiping her eyes, “It was stupid,” she whispered.
“No, it wasn't,” Jenni reminded her softly as they heard the stadium erupt with cheers. “Asisat scored 5-0,” she told her.
“Five?” she questioned. Last she heard it was 4-0.
“Aitana scored earlier,” Jenni told her.
Alexia smiled, taking a deep breath, “Good, good,” she breathed, “That's good.”
“Hey, are you okay in here?” there was a knock on the door and one of the physios poked their head around.
“Yeah, I'm good,” Alexia kept the phone pressed to her ear and she could hear Jenni scoff on the other end of the phone, “You can go back out if you want, Mario, support the team, I'm fine now. Just had a moment.”
Mariona searched her face, “Are you sure?” she asked. Alexia just nodded. She grabbed her phone, “I'm keeping it on so Jenni doesn't have to panic text the physios again.”
“You texted the physios?” she questioned when the changing room was empty again.
“I was limited on whose phone numbers I had and you were crying, unable to talk and my flight to Barcelona isn't for a couple of days.”
“Yeah,” Alexia swallowed, “Sorry.”
“Don't apologise,” Jenni told her quickly, “What do you need?”
“Can you talk to me about anything but football?” she asked, “I can't think about it right now but I'm surrounded by it.”
“Well, I got sat next to the worst people on the plane over,” Jenni launched into a story and Alexia just relaxed, listening to her talk. Mapi was the first back when the whistle blew. She looked like she hadn't stopped running. Jenni only just announced that the match was over.
“Mario said you were crying,” she flung the door open, “The physios said it wasn't that bad at halftime.”
“I barely cried,” she told her.
“Put me on speaker,” Jenni insisted.
“I'm fine.”
“Put me on speaker, Ale!”
“Who are you talking to?” Mapi snatched the phone before she had a chance. “Jenni!” she smiled, putting her on speaker.
“She's not fine, she cried for like five minutes, couldn't talk,” Jenni told her.
“Don't worry, I already guessed that she wasn't fine,” Mapi smiled, giving her a confused look.
“She called me,” Alexia mouthed and Mapi nodded.
“So fill me in so I don't have to decipher Ale's lies in her lifelong mission to never deal with a single emotion?” Mapi smiled, sitting down on the bench opposite her.
“Fuck you,” Alexia muttered, sticking her middle finger up at her best friend. Mapi stuck her tongue out at her, smiling smugly as she listened to what Jenni had to say. The two of them were talkers. Alexia didn't need to say much at all. She just needed to hope that Mapi didn't run her mouth too much. She got her to hang up, reassuring Jenni she would let her know when she was home, when the rest of the team started to flood back into the changing room.
She didn’t know how to call Jenni. Alexia just sent her a photo of Nala lying on her lap. Mapi had taken her home and told her to ask Jenni out but she wasn’t in the right headspace for it. She didn’t have the energy to be hurt. She was so stuck in her own head. It wasn’t a good idea right now. Alexia had convinced herself that it wasn’t.
Alexia watched Jenni on the sidelines at El Clásico. She was stuck in the stands, not allowed to play. It hurt. Jenni looked amazing and she looked so happy presenting and talking about the game. Alexia couldn’t stop herself from feeling like she’d made a massive mistake. She was slowly rolling up her sleeves too. “Alexia!” Jana raised her voice and she realised that Jana had been trying to get her attention for a while.
“Yeah,” she smiled, turning to face her.
“Do you want some food?” Jana offered, “I’m going to go pick some up.”
“I’m good, nena,” Alexia smiled at her, trying not to go back to staring at Jenni. She had no right to stare at her. They weren’t dating. She leaned back in her chair and checked her phone.
She made her way down onto the pitch at full time and it was when she was doing the lap of the pitch that she was pulled into the interview. Jenni pulled her into such a tight hug and Alexia did everything to not hide her face in her neck. There was a camera trained directly at them. “Are there any questions you want me to ask you?” she whispered in her ear. There was one that came to mind straight away but she could say that on live TV.
The interviewer echoed it a little louder to make sure everyone knew what Jenni said while repeating they were friends about five times. They’d never really been friends. She answered some questions about her outfit and the match. Of course, she was happy with it. They beat Madrid. She was always happy about that. When she had Jenni’s arm around her, she knew what she wanted to say to her. She just had to say it. She could take the long distance if it meant she even got a small piece of her once in a while. The last few weeks without that small piece was painful
She waited after the interview by the tunnel and hoped that she would catch her. It took a while but eventually, she walked down the tunnel with some of the DAZN crew. “Hey,” Jenni smiled, breaking away from the camera crew and walking over, pulling her into a hug.
Alexia melted into it, “Hi,” she whispered.
“How’s the knee?” Jenni whispered.
“Not sure yet,” she shrugged, “They don’t know what’s going on but I can’t play.”
Jenni leaned back in the hug, tucking some hair behind her ear and smiling at her, “You’re walking, that’s good at least.”
Alexia felt her heartbeat rise. She knew what she wanted to say and she didn’t want to get into a conversation and not say it. She looked around, taking a small step away from Jenni. The people from DAZN had carried on walking down the hallway and they wouldn’t hear her. She took a deep breath, “There was one question that I wouldn’t mind you asking me,” she looked down at her hand, playing with the rings.
“What?” Jenni smiled.
“Ask me out on a date,” Alexia’s heart beat through her chest as she said the words, looking up at Jenni to try and gauge her reaction.
Jenni smiled brightly. “Are you serious?” she checked a little nervously.
“Yeah,” she nodded, “I want to do this.”
Jenni looked around, smiling. There were still too many people around them. “Do you want to go to dinner tonight then?” she asked.
“Yes,” Alexia smiled brightly, looking around. There were so many people.
Jenni pulled her into another hug, kissing her cheek, “I really want to kiss you properly right now,” she whispered.
“Take me on a date first,” she joked, kissing her cheek.
Jenni shook her head, “I can’t even count how many dates I’ve already taken you on.”
Alexia laughed, “Where are you staying? I’ll pick you up.”
“I thought I was taking you on a date,” Jenni teased.
“You don’t have a car and even if you did, you’re not driving,” Alexia told her, stepping away from the hug when she realised it had been too long.
Jenni took hold of her hand, lacing her fingers together, “I’m actually a really good driver,” she argued.
“You get distracted!” Alexia sighed, “Any music and you don’t look at the road.”
“No, I do look at the road,” Jenni insisted, “It just doesn’t meet your standard of watching the road.”
“I’m driving anyway,” she decided, “You can drink, bring your suitcase,” Alexia told her.
“Bring my suitcase?” Jenni repeated smirking.
“I don’t plan on taking you back to the hotel,” Alexia kissed her cheek and Jenni smiled, blushing a little.
Mapi came running out of the hallway, “Ale! Everyone’s look-” she paused, staring at their joined hands. They instantly let go of each other’s hands while Mapi smiled proudly.
“I swear to god, Mapi, don’t say a word,” Alexia warned her.
“I’m not going to say anything,” Mapi looked like she was holding back a scream, “I’m just happy that you’re no longer being an idiot,” she ran over, pulling her into a hug.
Alexia sighed, “You need a shower,” she gave her a little shove.
She picked up Jenni from her hotel later on after calling Mapi for outfit advice and changing her outfit five times. Alexia shouldn't be this nervous about a date with Jenni. It was just Jenni. She only relaxed when she saw her. She was waiting in the car park, Jenni had insisted it was easier to come down to the car park than Alexia going up and finding her hotel room. Alexia could see her the second that she walked out of the hotel, she was looking around, trying to find her. She waved and Jenni smiled brightly when she saw her, waving back.
Alexia felt herself breathe easier and calm down as Jenni got closer, suitcase in hand. “Hi,” Jenni murmured when she reached her, pulling her into a tight hug.
“Hi Jenni,” she kissed her cheek.
Jenni pulled back from the hug, kissing her properly. She melted into the kiss. It had been too long. The world went quiet and it was just her and Jenni. “I missed you,” she murmured against her lips.
“I missed you too, cariño,” Jenni smiled, playing with her hair as she pulled away from the kiss. Alexia pushed herself off the back of the car and reached past Jenni for her suitcase so she could put it in the boot. Jenni walked around the car to get in, “Can I put music on?” she called out.
“My phone still has the same password,” Alexia called out to her as she walked round to her side of the car. When she got in, she leaned over and kissed Jenni quickly before she pulled out of the parking space. She took them to one of Jenni’s old favourite restaurants in Barcelona. Alexia knew she picked the right place when she saw Jenni realise where they were going.
It went well. Dinner was good, the food was amazing, she had Jenni’s hand on her thigh and she was finally doing something that she wanted to do for months. While they were at dinner, she got about five hundred texts trying to persuade her to join them on their celebration night out. When Jenni got word of it, it was almost impossible to say ‘no’. They parked the car back at her flat with plans to get a taxi to the club but they got distracted.
“I need to order the Uber,” Alexia laughed between kisses.
“We can be late,” Jenni decided between kisses that she trailed down her neck,
“You were the one who wanted to go,” she found herself giggling, doing a lot to keep from tangling her hands in Jenni’s hair. They had to go out, she couldn’t ruin her hair.
Jenni sighed, pulling away, “I think you might need to grab a make-up wipe,” she told her before she kissed her properly again.
Alexia smiled, “And you need to reapply your lipstick,” she told her, running a thumb over her bottom lip to get rid of some of the smudged lipstick. It didn’t take them long to get ready and get in the Uber to the club and once they got inside, they were quickly pointed over to where the rest of the team was. “I’ll get us drinks,” Alexia kissed Jenni’s cheek, disappearing to make her way over to the bar. Mapi followed her.
“How did it go?” Mapi asked excitedly, practically jumping on her back on the walk over to the bar.
“It’s still going,” Alexia pointed out, trying to get the attention of the bar staff.
“You know what I mean,” Mapi shook her head, giving her a little shove.
“Her suitcase is at my place,” she told her, “Is that good enough for you?”
Mapi laughed proudly, “I’m so happy for you,” she squealed, “Finally.”
“You’re breaking my eardrums,” Alexia complained as she finally got the attention of the bar staff and ordered drinks for her and Jenni, putting in the drinks that Mapi asked for as well. The two of them carried all the shots and drinks back to the table. Jenni wrapped an arm around her as she made it back and Alexia leaned her weight against her.
Two shots and a drink later, she was letting Jenni drag her onto the dancefloor. It normally took a lot to get her onto the dancefloor but it was difficult to say ‘no’ to Jenni when her breath was ghosting over the shell of her ear and her lips were brushing against her neck. It was impossible. It meant that they were out of the little VIP area that the team had gotten but a lot of the team were now. Jenni’s arms were loose on her waist and she turned in her arms, kissing her gently. Jenni kissed her back hard.
“Take me home,” Alexia murmured against her lips.
“We’ve barely been out an hour,” Jenni laughed.
“My knee really hurts, dancing was a bad idea,” she whispered, winking at her.
Jenni laughed, her hands slipping further down on her waist and pulling her closer, kissing her again, “I’ll go outside and call an Uber, you can go limp and complain about your knee.”
“You mean I deal with the suggestive looks from everyone knowing I’m disappearing to go have sex.”
“Yep,” Jenni smiled smugly, “They’re your teammates,” she kissed her cheek.
She tried to slip out quietly, only grabbing their things and telling Mapi. “Have fun!” Mapi spoke so loudly that their whole teammates looked over at her. She shook her head at her best friend, sticking her middle finger up at her as she walked off. “Remember to use protection!” Mapi laughed, shouting after her.
“Fuck off!” Alexia turned around, shouting back. She ignored the looks from her teammates, she couldn’t bring herself to care.
The alcohol got rid of her usual anxieties and she let Jenni kiss her while they waited for the Uber, Jenni pushing her against the wall of the club as her hands roamed all over her body. She threaded her hands in her hair, she never wanted her to stop kissing her again. It felt so good. It was like a breath of fresh air, the world slowed down and everything just felt right. She never wanted to let her go again. It would be the biggest mistake of her life to let her go again.