Archive of Our Own

“That was beautiful, don’t you think?” Jisung gushes softly as she and Minhee, arm in arm, teeter towards the spot in the parking lot where Minhee’s car is parked. “Jeonginnie looked really beautiful and her dress was absolutely gorgeous.”

Minhee hums in agreement, and Jisung lets out a wistful exhale. Jeongin’s dress was quite exquisite; whoever designed it had gone all out with the ball gown silhouette—the skirt was full and billowing, with a fitted bodice and a pretty sweetheart neckline that accentuated the bride’s pretty shoulders. Jisung, at her age, has long given up believing in fairy tales, but she has to admit that Jeongin looked like a princess from one, walking down the aisle to her happily ever after.

“You’re next,” Jisung teases, nudging her playfully as she nods towards the bridal bouquet—made of white and lavender lilies, accented with baby’s breath—that Minhee is cradling in her arms. She’d caught it earlier and she hadn’t even been trying, not like Jisung was anyway.

Minhee snorts. “If I’m next, then that means none of you all is going to get married any time soon,” she points out.

Jisung huffs and turns her nose up. She doesn’t glorify the statement with an answer. In response, Minhee smiles, pulls a singular flower out of the bouquet and tucks it behind Jisung's ear.

“There,” she declares, grinning. “Now it's found a better use.”

Jisung flushes and lightly hits Minhee on her arm. Briefly, she reaches up, touching the flower—then she glances at Minhee, smiling with so much affection that’s imbued with amusement, and Jisung can’t help the warmth that touches her cheeks. She wonders—tries to imagine Minhee being a bride; being a wife, and she thinks she would be perfect, because when is she not? But it’s also hard to think of anyone Minhee would actually want to be wife to. Or maybe that’s Jisung projecting, unable to think of anyone who deserves to be her best friend’s husband.

“Come on,” she huffs, waiting for Minhee to unlock the car and then sliding into the passenger seat without another word. Despite the feigned petulance, from Jisung’s point of view, Minhee is glowing. Bright and happy in a way that Jisung hasn’t seen her be since they were in their early 20’s—maybe longer, even. Since they were 17 and 19, their entire futures still ahead of them. 

If Jisung is to be honest she would tell Minhee— you were even prettier than the bride today. Through the years, Minhee has maintained her statuesque looks, more enchanting than even Venus de Milo. But today especially, with her long hair simply cascading past her shoulders, matching with the simple spaghetti strap, floral print dress she's wearing.

But the words only remain in her thoughts, because she isn't so stupid as to say them out loud, not even now, when it's just her and Minhee within hearing distance. Her friend wouldn't appreciate it, not when it's Jeongin's day today. Besides, holding back comes easy when it's been a constant thought throughout the years that Jisung has known Minhee—she is always, always the most beautiful person in any room she's in.

“I don’t want to go home yet,” Minhee announces as she inserts the key into the ignition and she turns the engine on. She glances at Jisung and offers a bright smile. “It’s a beautiful day,” she adds. “The weather’s really nice.”

“It is,” Jisung agrees as she buckles her seatbelt and she settles in her seat; she sounds curt, but the smile she wears is genuine. And the weather really is nice; it's close to a perfect spring day, the air warm but not uncomfortably humid, and the wind present, but gentle.

“It makes me want to keep driving,” Minhee continues, and it’s amusing because she’s barely even pulled out of her car’s parking space.

Jisung gets it, though, and without much thought, her smile grows bigger, stretching across her round cheeks, and she nods, “Do it, then. Take me anywhere but home.”

Traffic is quite slow as they head out of the city.

“Should be fine as soon as we get to the freeway,” Minhee murmurs, finely manicured fingers tapping against the steering wheel.

Jisung simply shrugs. Minhee’s the one behind the wheel, and neither of them have the ability to magically fix the city’s heavy traffic so she doesn’t complain. She fiddles with the radio, choosing to look for a station with clear reception instead of connecting the car stereo to her phone—sometimes the unknown factor of pop radio gives for a fun surprise compared to her self curated playlists.

Sure enough, a few turns and the car speakers are suddenly blasting T-ARA’s Roly Poly mid-song.

Jisung laughs and wiggles in her seat. “This song reminds me of high school,” she exclaims, hands moving around, mimicking what she remembers of the song’s choreography. “Remember the flash mob that was organized for the school festival?”

She laughs as Minhee winces at the memory. “Don’t remind me,” the older woman deadpans.

“Why not? You were great! You were always the best dancer, unnie.” Jisung grins and playfully leans closer, teasing.

“True—” Minhee nods in agreement, with no trace of false humility, which makes Jisung laugh even more. “But that was a pretty awful day. Remember that was the day I caught Daehyun—?”

Jisung groans. She was there when Minhee caught her then boyfriend lip-locked with another girl. “The first of a long list of awful ex-boyfriends,” she says, punctuating her statement with a dramatic sigh.

Minhee wrinkles her nose. “Exactly. This song has left a bad taste in my mouth since.”

“Too bad,” Jisung murmurs. She still remembers how pretty Minhee looked during that performance; she had been styled as Jiyeon, the visual center, complete with smokey eye makeup and a pretty up-do. Nevertheless, for Minhee, she turns the dial onto the next station, this one playing a more current hit by a western pop artist.

“I’m glad you made it home for Innie’s wedding,” Minhee suddenly comments.

“I wouldn't have missed it for the world,” Jisung declares. 

Jeongin is Minhee’s cousin who Jisung had met after the two of them had ended up going to the same university. While Minhee had always been Jisung’s favorite person in her teenage years and through her 20s, Jeongin had become something like a little sister to her. In a way, she helped keep Jisung connected to Minhee through those years, even though Minhee had been attending another university. 

Jisung, who now makes a living out of music scoring, moved to Japan for work several years ago and as a result, the distance had left her somewhat estranged from her friends. Still, she likes to think she'd always be there for their big moments.

“I wouldn't miss your wedding, unnie,” she adds, pensive.

Minhee snorts. “Well, that's a long way from now, if at all, despite any and all superstitions regarding bridal bouquets.”

“If at all?” Jisung lifts an eyebrow. Minhee had made a similar comment earlier and Jisung let it pass then, thinking it was a joke. This time, there's a more obvious hint of truth in Minhee's tone.

Minhee shrugs; based on what Jisung knows about the ups and downs of Minhee's romantic life, she supposes she understands why Minhee wouldn't wanna talk about it.

Respectfully, she tries to move on and switch topics for Minhee’s sake. As close as they are, this is why their friendship works. They don't push each other to talk. When they're ready, the words just come.

“Hm, unnie, remember when you first got your license?” she asks.

This time, the smile that spreads across Minhee’s face is a lot more natural and genuine—which makes Jisung feel warm. She likes this memory too. 

After high school, Minhee moved to Seoul to attend a prestigious women's university. It wasn’t as if Gimpo was extremely far away, but it was inconvenient enough that Minhee chose to find a boarding house close to the campus instead. Jisung hadn’t known that Minhee had been taking driving lessons while there; she assumed that her older friend was too busy to come home even on weekends and had immaturely, but privately, hemmed and hawed about never seeing her best friend anymore—at least until one Saturday morning when Minhee surprised her. She had borrowed a car from a friend and had driven all the way home—her first stop being Jisung’s parents’ house. Never mind that she was perfectly aware that Jisung always slept in on weekends, she arrived as early as 8 in the morning, had been let in by Jisung’s grandmother (because, of course she was—Jisung’s grandmother always treated Minhee like family ever since the two of them became friends) and had proceeded to wake Jisung up by placing her hands, cold from the sub-temp she set the car’s A/C to, on Jisung’s cheeks.

Jisung had woken up with a loud yelp, but the scowl on her face was quickly wiped off once her blurry, half-asleep vision had cleared and she was greeted with Minhee’s beautiful, laughing face, live in hi-definition and technicolor.

“We went on a day trip to Nami Island,” Minhee reminisces.

Jisung nods, a wistful expression painted on her features. 

Minhee had practically pulled her out of bed that morning, and had maneuvered a half-asleep Jisung into getting ready. The weather had been perfect—or, well, that’s how Jisung remembers it. It could have been gray and balmy, and Jisung would have probably still recalled the weather as nice. She’d missed her best friend, and suddenly she was right there, real and not a dream that Jisung conjured up.

They had spent a casual and low-maintenance day at Nami Island, taking so many pictures of each other with pretty scenery as their backdrop. Jisung remembers it as being uncharacteristic of them, because they were never really the type to take a lot of pictures; both of them typically prefer to live in the moment, and it didn't help that neither of them know which their best angles are. But that day—time apart had made them eager to capture memories. Jisung had even borrowed her older brother's Canon Powershot because her phone camera’s quality sucked back then; to this day, those pictures are stored in a folder somewhere in her external 2TB hard drive.

Good times, really. Good memories that Jisung eventually clung to in her early days of working in Japan, barely fluent in the language and frequently homesick.

Minhee and Jisung attended an all-girls private school with an escalator program, which meant after graduating middle school, everyone mostly moved on to high school together, no qualifying exam needed. It was fortunate because it meant most of them didn't have to worry about looking for a high school that would accept them, but it also meant that everyone was getting ready for the suneung as young as 13 years old.

Rules were strict and the culture was highly competitive. All students were required to take on at least one extracurricular activity, and this was how Jisung first met Minhee.

Jisung was a first year junior high school student, going through a phase where she had an intense interest in floriculture, when she chose to join the Gardening Club. Minhee was the vice president, and frankly, from the moment she laid eyes on her, Jisung had thought she was the prettiest girl she had ever seen. 

These days, Minhee tends to wear her hair long, flowy, in a chestnut brown color that she regularly maintains. But back then, her hair was mid-length and jet black, very striking in the way it was cut straight, edges curtaining her shoulders. Side bangs curtained Minhee’s big eyes, and Jisung thought that the tiny mole that decorated the tip of her nose made her look delicate.

She might have stared hard a tad too long, because Minhee had caught her eyes and stared right back. There was something sharp about her gaze—her entire demeanor, frankly—something cold and distant. Like an ice princess, or so 13-year-old Jisung thought. Or perhaps, a winter flower.

“Rumor has it if you stare at her for too long you turn to stone,” Seungmin, who sat in front of Jisung in class and who choose to join the same club, told her.

Jisung had been flustered, embarrassed at having been caught staring. She huffed, petulant and in denial. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She had assumed that Seungmin was making fun of her; and it was that, a little, but she soon also found out that Minhee generally had a unique reputation at school.

She wasn't just an ice princess to Jisung. It was a title bestowed upon her by most, and not in a complimentary way either. She was sharp with her tongue, always straightforward and blunt which didn't endear her to her classmates. 

Her undeniable beauty, however, attracted a throng of admirers from the neighboring boys’ high school—which didn’t exactly help her reputation at school. If anything, it gave Minhee’s classmates more reason to gossip about her. According to the rumor mill she had broken so many hearts, turning confessions down left and right.

“Did you hear that someone confessed to Lee Minhee again?” Jisung once heard a couple of girls talking about her. They weren’t even speaking in hushed tones, but in their normal voices, like they weren’t embarrassed to be talking about a classmate behind her back.

It was a pretty cliche moment; a scene taking place in the girls’ bathroom at school. Jisung was minding her own business, walking up to the bathroom sinks to wash her hands, and doing her best to ignore the upperclassmen who were already there when she came in to pee. They ignored Jisung and kept talking, venomous words sliding off their tongues so easily, clearly spurred on by jealousy.

“Who was it this time?” the other girl asked, eyes rolling like she found the notion stupid.

“A high school 2nd year. Chaewon from 3-1’s older brother.”

“Oh, the tall one? He’s cute.” One of the girls’ eyes narrowed, and then she scoffed. “She turned him down, I bet.”

“Of course.”

“She really thinks she’s above the rest of us, doesn’t she?”

“She’s so annoying.”

Jisung was trying her best not to say anything; not to look at them and have her presence suddenly be perceived. As quietly as she can, she pulled paper towels out of the dispenser to carefully dry her hands with.

“What use is beauty if you don’t even have friends?” one of the girls commented, sniggering with her companion like she made the funniest comment ever.

Jisung felt her eyes twitch, but she remained mum. And then finally, the two girls were leaving, and she was able to exhale and relax—at least until one of the stall doors opened and Minhee walked out. When she caught Jisung’s gaze through the mirror, her expression looked mostly blank. Her lips were pressed together into a thin, straight line, but there was something in her eyes—they looked glassy, teary-eyed even. Jisung felt anger rise in her chest at the sight; not at Minhee but at the pair of 3rd years who chatted so nastily without care. Jisung bowed at her, before hastily rushing out of the bathroom with a mission. She spotted the pair of girls down the hallway and ran up to them; tapped the shoulder of one of them, who looked surprised when they turned around to see her. 

“What?”

“What use are friends when all you do together is enable unkindness in each other?” Her voice had audibly trembled, but Jisung stood her ground.

The two girls looked even more surprised, but the shock was quickly replaced with visible disdain. One of them scoffed, while the other narrowed her eyes at Jisung.

“Who are you?”

Jisung shrugged the question off. “I just dont think it's nice to be talking down on other people, especially in public where anyone can hear you.” She was trying her best to look and act calm; nonchalant. But inside her chest, her heart was racing, thundering with anxiety. She couldn’t believe she gathered enough courage to do this.

“You little pipsqueak, you’re a first year right? Go away,” the girls told her, and without acknowledging the truth in her words, they turned around and stomped away from her.

Jisung's ears continued to ring even after they disappeared around the corner, but when she turned around to face the direction she came from, she spotted Minhee, standing right outside the door of the comfort room, staring at her with something indecipherable in her eyes. Jisung attempted a smile, and the older girl averted her gaze; even from afar Jisung could tell her eyes were glassy.

In the years they've known each other since then, Jisung thinks that was the closest she’s ever seen Minhee cry.

A few days after that encounter, she had spotted Minhee by herself behind the high school gym. Before the incident in the bathroom, she probably would have just ignored her; would have gone on her way, but in that moment, she found her feet moving on their own until she was standing right next to Minhee.

“Sunbaeni—oh!” She let out a squeak as something furry wrapped itself around her ankles; meanwhile Minhee let out a soft giggle that sounded music to Jisung’s ears. When she looked down, she realized it was just,

“A cat!” she cooed, crouching down next to Minhee, who kept giggling, one of her hands outstretched as she kept trying to call the cat’s attention back to her.

“He likes you,” Minhee commented, a slight pout marring her features, and Jisung maintains that was the first time she really saw softness in Minhee’s expression. Even when she looked like she was about to cry, there was something hard in the way she composed herself, but in that moment, she was all softness; marshmallow goo.

“He’s cute,” Jisung answered. When their eyes met again, Minhee smiled, and something inside Jisung decided that she definitely wanted to keep seeing that smile; and she supposes, something in that moment made Minhee decide that Jisung was worth something—because they have been good friends ever since.

“Do we even know where we’re going?” Jisung asks as they exit into the freeway.

“There’s this bed and breakfast in Busan—it’s almost like a private resort, really. I think it was originally a vacation home for some rich folks who’re based in the US?” Minhee shrugs. “But eventually they decided to start renting rooms out, hostel style, because when they're in the country, they stay at four or five star hotels instead.”

“I don't have extra clothes,” Jisung comments, looking down at herself. She has on a peach ombre dress made in soft, silk chiffon, paired with a pink bolero jacket. She had felt so pretty when she put the outfit on that morning, but it's not exactly going to be the most comfortable beach wear.

“I do,” Minhee comments, smiling. “I always have an extra overnight bag in my trunk for emergencies. You can borrow something. And we can buy any other necessities at the first service stop we make.”

Jisung stares at her. “Once a girl scout…”

Minhee laughs. “And isn't it a good thing I was? Anyway, the place I'm talking about. I went there with an ex once—it's beachfront property. Really pretty. I've always wanted to go back and now is as good a time as any.”

“Ah.” Jisung nods. “Which ex?” she finds herself asking.

“He Who Must Not Be Named,” Minhee answers.

Jisung laughs. “Isn’t that all of them?”

Minhee has had her fair share of ex-boyfriends. By the time she moved up to high school, she had successfully dropped the icy image. She grew even more beautiful, but she also learned how to entertain boys’ affection just enough  to thaw her cold reputation. She let some of them in, but almost always, they ended up being awful to her—undeserving of her, anyway, and Jisung hated them all for it. 

It makes Jisung angry, just thinking about all the times that Minhee’s heart has been broken—but then, it also makes her consider how the older woman is still standing strong despite everything. It's an admirable trait, but then Jisung has admired most everything about Minhee since they were teenagers.

Her unfortunate string of “heartbreaks” at least made her more relatable and accessible to her classmates, and Minhee gained more female friends in high school for it, so there was that, at least. Through it all, Jisung remained her closest confidante.

Minhee wrinkles her nose. “None of them deserve names.” And then, after a beat, she adds in a quieter tone, “It was Dongwoo.”

“Ah.” Jisung nods. Dongwoo isn't Minhee's most recent ex; rather her most recent boyfriend was basically just a rebound from Dongwoo, who, at four years together, was the longest, most serious relationship Minhee had ever been in during the time that Jisung had known her.

Dongwoo was older than Minhee by almost ten years, and she had met him through friends of hers from work. He was tall, handsome, and most dangerous of all, charming. Jisung never liked him much, but she's always been over protective of Minhee so she used to think her opinion was simply tainted.

Dongwoo had promised all of Minhee’s friends that he was going to cherish her, protect her, never hurt her. And then he proceeded to cheat on her for half of their time together, eventually getting married to his other woman and having a baby less than a year after he broke up with Minhee.

Shortly after the breakup, Minhee had hopped on a flight to Tokyo and surprised Jisung at her doorstep. Initially, she wouldn't tell Jisung why she was there, but eventually Jisung was able to get it out of her.

Expectedly, Jisung had wanted to set Dongwoo on fire after she found out.

Meanwhile, Minhee hadn't shed a single tear—at last not that Jisung knew of. Instead, she declared that she wanted to have fun and forget, so Jisung took a few days off work and spent her time showing Minhee around her city, introducing Minhee to her favorite haunts—her favorite sushi place, her favorite café, her favorite place to meditate, and so much more.

For a week, Jisung remembered how it was like to have her best friend constantly beside her, and by the time she was dropping Minhee off at Narita, the smile gracing Minhee’s lips at least reached her eyes again. 

“Unnie, your taste in men really leaves something to be desired,” Jisung comments lightheartedly, trying to lighten the atmosphere and make Minhee smile.

It works, kind of. Minhee snorts and shakes her head. “How about we talk about your exes, huh? Not like you fared much better. Remember Sunwoo?” she challenges, giving Jisung a quick glance through the rearview mirror.

Jisung laughs. Sunwoo was her first boyfriend from when she was 16. He was her first kiss too, if one could even call it that. The moment had been quite awkward, and Jisung felt kinda gross and incompetent even though it was really nothing more than a simple press of their mouths together. 

Sunwoo had dumped her a day after that awful first kiss.

“Yeah, I’d rather not remember,” she says, wrinkling her nose. “And I bet I’m not alone on that. He probably already erased me from his memory.” 

“Aww, Jisungie.” Minhee laughs as she coos. “I’m pretty sure you’re unforgettable.” The statement makes Jisung blush, and she’s glad the makeup she has on probably doesn’t make it very obvious. “What about Jaemin, then?” Minhee prods.

Jisung groans. Her relationship with Jaemin lasted for a few months in college, but in the end Jisung was dumped yet again. “You’re not really in this relationship,” was the reason she was given. She knows better now, but Jisung didn’t understand it then; didn’t even really try to.

“Unnie, why are you digging so far back? Sheesh.” Jisung huffs. 

Minhee laughs. “Well… you haven't been dating these last few years, at least that I know of.” There's a wistful tone in her voice that makes Jisung feel a tad guilty. “I assume not seriously, anyway,” Minhee continues. “Obviously I don't expect you to keep me updated on every Tinder date you go on.” 

She sounds uncertain and Jisung wants to do nothing more than to assure her.

“No,” she agrees softly. “No one serious. I swipe right here and there but nothing ever comes of them past one night stands.”

It's not a complete lie. She hasn't been seeing anyone seriously for a while now; it's not the complete truth either though, because almost 2 years ago, she had been in a relationship that Minhee never really found out about.

She had met Hyunjin during her first year in Japan. She was pretty, a model who was trying her best to make it in a foreign country just like Jisung. A co-worker of Jisung's, Sana, had been the one to set them up. They were both Koreans, so she figured they could at least lean on each other if nothing else. Jisung was still confused about herself back then; had been unsure of so many things, and had been surprised when she was so easily clocked by a co-worker who had barely known her for a couple of months. She had considered turning the set-up down, but she figured… she was in a new country where no one really knew her, so if she wasn’t going to take the opportunity to explore and figure herself out, when else was she going to?

She and Hyunjin didn't hit it off immediately; Jisung found her attractive—she was a model, and Jisung isn’t blind— but their personalities were like oil and water. Hyunjin had a tendency to be overdramatic, to make decisions based on her heart instead of her head, while Jisung was overly pragmatic, wearing emotions on her sleeve, but always letting her head rule over her heart. Still, Sana was right in her assumption—they were two Korean women in a foreign country, and in each other they found someone to lean on, someone to go through the motions with, and somehow, one day, Jisung found she was already in a relationship.

They fought a lot, especially during their early days together. They had different priorities and expectations, and very contrasting ways of reacting to things that had them butting heads often. It all just meant that they made up just as intensely, though, and Jisung really did find herself growing to care very much about Hyunjin, and more importantly, she found that through Hyunjin she grew to learn more about herself.

And then Hyunjin's brand recognition grew; she became a model-influencer, and the difference in their priorities widened more and more until finally, they barely had anything left in common. Their relationship, born out of loneliness and necessity, simply slipped through the cracks.

Jisung never really told Minhee about Hyunjin, and whenever she remembers this she feels guilt; feels like she's hiding a piece of herself from her best friend.

She tells herself, next time, next time, but the timing never really feels right.

But maybe now could be the time, she muses internally.

“I don't know how you do it,” Minhee comments, cutting through Jisung's personal reverie.

“Do what?”

“One night stands,” Minhee clarifies. “Tinder hook-ups.”

Jisung shrugs. “It’s easier than making an effort to open up to new people and letting them in.”

“True.” Minhee nods in agreement. “Men don't deserve that much effort.”

Jisung laughs. She wants to say something about men in general not deserving anything ever, but her tongue feels heavy.

“I suppose Innie's lucky she found someone trustworthy enough,” Minhee comments.

“Eh.” Jisung shrugs. “Give him time to fuck up,” she retorts. “He’ll get there, just like every other man,” she adds, and they both end up cracking up.

“We shouldn’t be wishing ill of her marriage before it’s really even begun,” Minhee says, but she's still laughing.

“I just think that liking men signals poor taste in general,” Jisung declares; her voice quivers, just a little, and she wonders if Minhee gets a hint of what she’s really saying.

The older woman glances at her, brief but meaningful, and Jisung feels a spark of hope in her chest. Maybe she doesn't actually have to say anything out loud. Maybe Minhee already knows and understands—after all, they've always had a language that's all their own.

Minhee chuckles. “Amen to that,” she murmurs, and Jisung’s fists curl into tight little balls as hope continues to build in her chest.

When Jisung set foot in high school, her friendship with Minhee only grew more intimate, stronger.  They were two years apart, but they spent whatever free time they had together. It didn’t matter that by then both of them had quit the Gardening Club, if only so they could honor their own individual interests. Minhee joined dance club instead, where she excelled, all fluid and graceful as the perpetual star of school performances; meanwhile Jisung had moved on from her hyper fixation on flowers and joined the broadcast club, working her way up from school announcements to eventually having her own weekly show for their school’s radio frequency. Nevertheless, they waited for each other before going home, always taking the same bus, and with Jisung insisting on attending the same cram school Minhee did. 

Their university years were the first time Minhee and Jisung’s friendship had been tested. Minhee moved to Seoul, and Jisung was left to her own devices. Initially, Jisung had retreated into her shell, suddenly feeling lost without the older girl always hovering in her personal orbit. At that point, Minhee had become something like air to Jisung—always around, always needed. Her lack of presence felt suffocating, almost. They had been friends for so much of her formative years that she was unsure who she would be without Minhee. 

It surprised even her when weeks and months passed and she did just fine. She made new friends; she grew closer with Seungmin, by virtue of always being elected class representatives together, and with Felicia, who was relatively new, having enrolled to their high school mid-way through their second year of high school because her family had just moved back to South Korea after years spent in Australia. It was easy to fall and stumble without Minhee around, but Jisung found her strength on her own two feet during that time; and she realized that Minhee was never really truly going to disappear.

Meanwhile, Minhee made new friends in university. She introduced them to Jisung, Chaebin and Christine, who were both likable, but made it quite apparent that Minhee had created a life of her own where Jisung didn’t necessarily belong. At least she wasn’t entirely unwelcome either, as Minhee had made sure to introduce Jisung to her new friends. The older girl flourished in university, and grew into an even more beautiful, graceful and independent woman, admirable in even more ways than she was in high school.

Jisung used to ache with how much she missed her best friend, but whenever they were together, no matter  how long time passed, they always fell into each other easily. They always had so much to say to and share with each other, not always in words because they were Minhee and Jisung, and they had an understanding that was all theirs. 

By the time Jisung graduated, it didn't matter anymore that she wasn't headed to the same university as Minhee, that she had decided to attend a university that was closer to home and didn’t require her to go and live in Seoul. She was comfortable in their mutual independence, and confident about the connection they shared with each other. By then it was simply a given—they were going to be just fine.

Jisung has a vivid memory from those years that she keeps close to her heart. It happened one night, finals season—Minhee was in her last year, Jisung in her second.

Her eyes were bleary from pulling all-nighters the entire week, and God knows how her liver was faring with all the energy drinks she had kept downing, one after another. Minhee had just gone through yet another breakup, but with school being so hectic, they hadn’t really had time to do their usual best friend commiserating. Instead, they’d been exchanging non-stop text messages even as they both tried to get some studying done.

I can’t sleep, Minhee had shared, and when Jisung asked her, playful with an abundance of emojis to show playfulness, what Minhee expected her to do about that, her best friend had replies, simple and succinct, sing me a lullaby.

Maybe it would have remained a joke if Jisung didn’t hit the call button next to Minhee’s name after staring at the message for a full minute.

“Han Jisung,” Minhee had picked up after a ring and a half, saying Jisung’s name so softly, sweetly.

“Unnie,” Jisung responded, and the silence that met her through the line was loud, and expectant. 

She already had her guitar cradled in her arms; when she started strumming and plucking the strings, it was to a song that had been playing in her head all day, sung with words that had been scribbled in the margins of her notes.

After washing my tired body
Turn on the boring TV
Uninteresting news today, again
Words I can't understand

“This song,” Minhee murmured after Jisung was done, had trailed off in nothing but wordless humming; the song was unfinished after all, only really just bits and pieces of a whole at the time. “It’s a bit sad, isn’t it?”

Jisung hummed in quiet agreement. Exams have truly been giving her melancholy and fatigue.

“It’s beautiful, though,” Minhee continued softly. She sighed through the line. “It resonates with me. I’m so homesick, Jisung-ah. Some days I wish I’d attended college somewhere closer to home. Maybe my days wouldn't be so dreary.”

Jisung chuckled. “It’s not like Seoul is so far away, unnie. Just a few hours on the bus, quicker on a train. You can always visit more.”

“Not in the middle of exam season,” Minhee scoffed. “Besides, you know what I mean. I'm just so tired. And I… I know I’m almost done with my degree but some days, it's just harder. Like it’s just day after day of the same thing, and I miss home. I miss you, Jisung-ah.”

“Exams are tough, huh, unnie?”

Minhee laughed. “Yeah, that's it. Probably.”

“You’re graduating soon, at least.”

“I think, maybe that’s what makes the days harder,” Minhee admitted.

“Ah.” Jisung had nodded, even though it wasn’t a video call and Minhee couldn’t really see her; somehow it felt like Minhee understood, and could see the gesture anyway.

“Thanks for the song, Jisung,” Minhee said. “You’ll let me hear it when it’s finished, won’t you?”

“Always,” Jisung agreed; already, she was scribbling more lyrics on the back of her notebook, musing about the restlessness of her recent days.

“Good,” Minhee said. There was a pause, an audible exhale, before, “Thank you Jisungie,” she murmured, and it was clear that she was tired, and almost falling asleep. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Jisung hummed in response, not wanting to disturb her any more; it was clear that the lullaby had worked as it was supposed to, and Minhee was well on her way to dreamland. But her words—they stuck with Jisung, because that was the thing.

No matter how far apart in distance or in time, Jisung wanted to think Minhee would never be without her because she never wanted to be without Minhee.

A little over two hours into their drive, they finally pull up to a rest stop, hungry. They take turns ordering through the digital menu, and when it's time to pay, Jisung gets ready to play rock-paper-scissors like they used to always do, but Minhee smoothly swipes her card without a word.

Jisung huffs in a performative complaint, and Minhee simply smiles at her. 

“I’ll pay next time,” Jisung declares.

“Sure you will,” Minhee humors her.

“We need to get a change of clothes,” Jisung comments later, after they’ve claimed their food and they’re both in between bites of their respective meals. She had gotten a large serving of jajjangmyeon while Minho ordered cheese tonkatsu, from which Jisung  keeps stealing bites of.

“You also need to eat your own food Han Jisung,” Minhee chastises her, her chopsticks meeting Jisung’s as the latter tries to steal yet another one of the pork cutlets.

“Sharing is caring unnie,” Jisung says, grinning and batting her big eyes.

She gets a sharp look from Minhee in return, her patented ice queen glare, but it really has no effect on Jisung at this point. She only grins and manages to successfully steal away a piece of pork.

Minhee sighs in feigned exasperation but doesn't say any more of it. “We can check out some of the outlet stores after we eat. I need to get out of these heels too. They're killing me.”

“Hmm.” Jisung nods; her own four-inch stilettos have her feet hurting but she's used to them. She's always been more of a slave to fashion than Minhee, who always preferred to dress for comfort. “The food here is pretty good,” she comments. Apart from their individual meals, they’re also sharing an order of sundubu jjigae, which she takes a spoonful of. “Your jjigae is still better though.”

Minhee laughs. “Remember when I first tried making it, and I mistook the fish sauce for sesame oil?”

Jisung snorts, almost choking on her food in the process. “God, that was awful,” she agrees, wheezing. 

Minhee only started to get really good in the kitchen after she started living on her own, but even then it wasn't instant. Once, Jisung visited and Minhee tried cooking for her—and it was a complete disaster. Jisung likes looking back at those times because they remind her that Minhee is still human, complete with faults, and still within her reach.

Nevertheless, after a year of trial and error, Minhee, unsurprisingly, became pretty great at cooking. Her specialty was western food—burgers and steaks and homemade pizza—but any time she prepared Korean dishes, Jisung found that they always tasted like home and comfort.

“You laugh, but I bet you'd make that kind of mistake even now,” Minhee teases, and Jisung can only cough and laugh because she can't deny the truth in that.

“Okay. True,” she admits with a sniff. “I do tend to eat out a lot in Japan.”

“I really liked the song you sang for Innie and her groom,” Minhee comments. They’re back in the car, wearing much more comfortable clothes and footwear after an impromptu shopping spree where they both got a couple of outfit changes, enough to tide them over a few days. “I still remember when I first heard that song. It was a bit sad, but sweet and hopeful too. I miss hearing all of your songs, honestly.”

During her last years in college, Jisung had actively started trying to do more with her music. Through connections, she managed to book a few gigs here and there, mostly at really small, underground clubs in Hongdae. Looking back, that was probably the most free Jisung felt during her youth; she'd sported a shaggy bob at the time, dyed it blonde with streaks of pink and green as if that made her more of a rock star somehow. (She's long ditched the edgy hairstyle, preferring to keep her hair mid-length and its natural brown color, usually styled in a  modest ponytail, but she doesn't dream of becoming a rock star anymore either. Not actively, anyway.)

Minhee, even though she had already graduated by then and had already begun life as a fully-fledged working adult with real responsibilities, not least of which was spending time with the boyfriend she had at the time, never missed any of these gigs.

Armed with only a SoundCloud account, a notebook filled with lyrics and an acoustic guitar that she inherited from her father, Jisung used to dream big, hoping to be discovered; hoping to one day play for bigger crowds.

Because life is what it is, harsh and unrelenting, these dreams eventually, naturally, tapered off into reality, and Jisung had needed to become less fanciful after graduation. She knows she's lucky because her degree in music production still somehow led to a career in the same industry—she knows the same can't be said for a good portion of her graduating class.

Even though she never became a famous performer, she at least feels love for musical scoring. In Japan, she works for an animation house, which is almost as good as a dream come true for her.

“You're probably the only one,” she responds.

Minhee chuckles. “Because no one else knows what they're missing. The rest of the world is stupid like that.”

Jisung smiles; she cradles her face with both hands, feeling them warm under her own touch. 

“Is it true that you might be moving back?” Minhee suddenly asks.

Jisung is surprised, but maybe she shouldn't be. As much as she loves what she does, she misses home a lot. When a friend told her about a job opening as a scorer at a local cable network, she jumped at the opportunity and immediately sent her CV in. She knew she would have to work with variety shows, maybe some dramas if she’s lucky, which isn’t as exciting as working on background music for anime, but at this point in her life—home is simply where her heart is. She had an interview scheduled a couple of days ago, right after she arrived for the wedding, and so far things are looking quite positive.

“Innie told you?”

Minhee nods. “I’m sad you didn't tell me yourself!” She sounds playful, joking, but there’s a hint of genuine hurt—maybe wistfulness in her tone.

Jisung chuckles. “I was going to after it was sure. I'm still waiting for a final job offer. Didn’t wanna make a big deal of it only to have it fall through.”

“But it's almost good as go?” The way Minhee smiles is so bright, so hopeful, and it makes Jisung's heart skip a beat. She thinks she's stupid for not having mentioned it earlier, if only for that smile.

“Yeah, more or less.”

“I’m really glad, then. I missed you,” Minhee murmurs. “I missed having my best friend around.”

It's dark when they arrive at their destination, and Minhee seems a little sad about it.

“They have a really nice view of the  sunset here,” she explains after they check in, and they're led to their room. Apparently they're the only guests, although a group of friends is arriving the day after. It doesn’t stop them from choosing a single room with a queen-sized bed instead of two separate rooms. “I  really wanted to show you.”

“That’s okay, unnie. We can see it tomorrow.”

Minhee smiles, and Jisung smiles right back at her. She realizes belatedly that she had assumed they would still be here tomorrow at sunset. Then again, Minhee hadn’t corrected her, so clearly their thoughts are floating along the same wavelength, as usual.

When they left Jeongin’s wedding earlier, nothing had really felt amiss. Except the thing is—something seems to have been building, slowly, steadily, surely, during the drive.

Jisung doesn't know how to describe the feeling, or how to pinpoint where it's coming from. Is it because it's the first time in years that she and Minhee have been alone in a small, closed space?

“What are you thinking of?” Minhee whispers as she sits on the edge of the bed next to Jisung. She’s so close, and Jisung can smell the remnants of her jasmine and green tea scented perfume as she leans in and pinches Jisung's cheek.

“Ow,” Jisung reacts, even though it didn't hurt at all. “I was just thinking of this… thing,  this one time.”

“One time?”

“Remember when—” she exhales, and then inhales deeply. “Remember when I cried—?”

Minhee’s laugh cuts her off. “Which time?” she asks, with a teasing poke at Jisung’s cheek.

She scowls, but she gets it. She always was more of a crybaby, especially between the two of them. Minhee had always been strong and steady; seemingly cold on the outside despite the burning warmth she carried inside of her. She simply happened to be more in control of her emotions, a skill that Jisung never really perfected.

Jisung’s mother always says that she has had a wellspring of tears inside her since the beginning. Apparently, when she was a baby, she would cry at the littlest things. In a sense she was the opposite of Minhee; she wore her warmth and her emotions on her sleeve, but inside, there were times when she felt hollow; when it felt like anyone who she tried to let in felt cold enough that they’d back off. She was the one with secrets; the one people never really thought they knew. That was something she and Hyunjin frequently fought about, frankly. And that was one of the reasons why Jisung turned to music, because music was a way to help her sort herself out. 

She’d digress, though, because at the moment, the only point is that she was a crybaby, and Minhee, more than anyone, had been witness to most of her tears.

“When you and Jungwoo broke up.”

“Ah.” Minhee nods in remembrance. 

Before Dongwoo, there was Jungwoo, Minhee’s last college boyfriend, with whom she was with for a little over two years. Minhee waited for him throughout his time in the army, only for him to break up with her the moment he was out.

Jisung wants to cry even just thinking about him. He was kind and sweet to Minhee, and as much as she wanted to hate him, she couldn’t. She didn’t understand why he left Minhee, and she did cry when they broke up; she cried more tears than Minhee did, whose eyes remained dry as a desert.

She had cried on Minhee's shoulders, and it had been Minhee who’d needed to hug her; to pet her hair and comfort her. It was absolutely ridiculous in hindsight.

“Why are you sadder about this than I am?” Minhee had asked, amused laughter spilling out of her throat.

She had thought Jisung was sad that Minhee and Jungwoo broke up, and it was best and simplest to let her believe that.

But what had really hurt was knowing that all these men had kept phasing in and out of Minhee’s life, never really appreciating what they had, never really realizing what they were losing. Through it all, Minhee would smile and stand strong, like an oak tree, unbending—but the vision of Minhee, 15, teary eyed and doing her best to appear fine had never really left Jisung’s memories. 

She cried because she knew she could never play the same role in Minhee’s life as those men; could never be the person who held her best friend and loved her the way she deserved to be loved. She cried because she finally knew, in that moment, that she was in love with Minhee, and that she had been, probably, for most of her life at that point—and there was nothing she could do about it, not really.

She was a coward, and she let her best friend hold her in her arms; allowed herself to feel comfort from Minhee; and then, when all of that was said and done—she ran away. She accepted a job located across an entire ocean away, just so she didn’t have to face the heavy weight of her emotions.

“Yeah.” Minho sounds wistful. “Now that you mention it, I do remember that time.” She chuckles. “I remember thinking something must have been going on with you—” she laughs softly, tilts her head and looks up at the ceiling. “I even entertained the thought that maybe you had a secret crush on Jungwoo or something.”

Jisung gawks. “No way!”

Minhee giggles. “Yeah, I know that. Knew that, even. But it was a brief thought.” She glances at Jisung who detects sadness in her eyes. “You were so sad that we broke up and I didn’t—I couldn’t understand why.”

“I was going through something,” Jisung admits.

“I figured. Do you want to tell me about it now?” Minhee looks at her curiously. “Is that why you're bringing it up?”

Jisung hums; sighs. She stretches her arms over her head and then she gets up on her feet. Her heart is clamoring in her chest, and she needs it to calm down first.

“Unnie, let's go for a walk on the beach,” she says instead, hand outstretched in invitation.

Minhee blinks, confused. Still, she nods and takes the offered hand, no questions asked. “Sure, okay.”

The moon is full, and the evening breeze is quite chilly considering spring is barely over. Minhee and Jisung huddle close as they take a stroll on the sand, feet bare and water tickling their toes every time the ocean waves crash against the shore.

The two of them are quiet, but as always, it feels like they’re communicating without words, offering comfort and solace in the tranquility. Several times, Jisung opens her mouth in an attempt to start a conversation—to continue the heart-to-heart she had meant to have back in their room—but words get stuck in her throat.

She isn’t sure how to say what she wants to say.

“Jisung-ah.” In the end, Minhee beats her to speaking up. “I'm always very happy to have you around.”

Jisung chuckles and looks away, warmth blooming on her face. Minhee doesn't often speak so affectionately. Of course Jisung feels her affection—kindness and fondness—always, and in droves, but more so through actions, and rarely in words.

“Unnie, why are you talking like this?” She laughs softly, nervously. “Wait—” her brow furrows as an awful thought comes to her. “Are you sick or something?”

“Yah, Han Jisung! I'm not allowed to be sweet to you without life or death on the line?” Minhee frowns—pouts, almost.

“Well…” Jisung laughs. “It's unusual!”

“Fine.” Minhee huffs and looks away. Her ears are bright red and practically glowing under the moonlight.

Jisung nudges her. “Unnie.” She pouts. “Please continue.”

Minhee sighs and Jisung hears honest exasperation.  Nevertheless, Minhee continues, “Well I just—I guess I just wanted to say exactly that. That I'm glad you're here, right now, and I'm glad that there's a good chance you're staying.” She pauses, and then in a whisper, she adds, “I really wish you would stay.”

The words, barely audible, reach Jisung loud and clear, tickling her insides and making electricity rush down her spine. “Yeah…” is all she can respond with.

Minhee pauses from walking; she inhales the fresh evening air and tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear, granting Jisung an up-close view of her stunning profile.

“Jisung,” Minhee starts, “you're like… hmm,” she tilts her head, like she's lost in thought, “like a vacation home to me.”

“What?” The words are nowhere near anything Jisung would have expected her to say, and she laughs in confusion. “Unnie, what?”

Minhee laughs as well, and Jisung recognizes it as her embarrassed-to-be-so-earnest laugh. The kind that trickles out of her when she's being serious, and she wants you to know she's being serious, but she doesn't actually want to admit that she's being serious. “Just,” Minhee murmurs, “You know. A place like this.” She gestures around them. “That's what you are to me. A place to go to, to rest, because when I'm with you, I feel rested. I feel comfortable. Cozy. Like I can wake up the next day and everything will be fine.” She turns and looks at Jisung. “I know these last several years, we haven't seen each other a lot—we don't even really know much of what's been going on in each other's daily lives, but the moment I saw you at the wedding, everything felt like that again. Like everything will be fine. And it's that, too—I can't always be with you, or go to you, but I always look forward to our time together.”

Jisung frowns. Minhee is being a little too solemn, too earnest for comfort. “Is something going on, unnie? Was nothing fine before—?”

Minhee laughs and shakes her head. “No, no! I guess I did make it sound like that…” she sighs. “Don't worry, everything in my life is okay. It's just… with you here, everything is better. That's what I'm trying to say.”

“Oh.” Jisung scrunches her nose, and meets the older woman’s gaze. She figures this is it; it's now or never. “Unnie…” 

“Yes?” Minhee returns, an unwitting smile gracing her lips.

“I’m in love with you.”

As the words leave Jisung’s tongue, Minhee’s breath hitches, and Jisung thinks she sees hope sparkle and dance in her eyes. The evening breeze blows gently around them, carrying with it the salty scent of the ocean and the sweet fragrance of the spring blossoms that surround their nearby accommodations, and Jisung thinks these things are representative of what Minhee is to her; what she wants Minhee to be to her.

Perhaps, it’s too grand to say any of it out loud—how Minhee is like breath, necessary to living; like the air that surrounds them, always present without being a burden, but just being.

Minhee exhales, shaky, but the smile she flashes in response is certain; the hand she places on Jisung’s shoulder is steady. When she leans in, Jisung’s heart races, and when they close the distance and their mouths press together, it calms down.

The kiss is nothing like Jisung has experienced before; soothing as much as it is passionate. It’s a revelation, one can say, a silent declaration of mutual feelings. Even when they break apart shortly after, breathless and exhilarated, it’s clear to both of them that this is the beginning of something, communicated, as usual, through unspoken promises of their hearts.

“Can we keep the lights on?” Jisung asks, in between kisses, when they get back to their room.

Minhee's breath catches and she briefly pulls away, hands gently cradling Jisung's face still, and she blinks. “Won't that be weird?”

“I—uh.” Jisung blinks back; she feels shy, her cheeks warm. “I just want to see you.” Because this is it, she thinks. Over a decade of pining, and she finally has Minhee in her arms, under her touch, and she wants so badly to be able to see her; watch her as Jisung takes her apart; to take in her beauty and everything about her. 

Then they're kissing again, and it's even better than Jisung remembers from barely half a minute ago. Minhee is nibbling at her lower lip, trying to gain her tongue some access into Jisung's mouth, which Jisung readily allows. Her breathing is heavy, and she can't believe that this is really happening.

“I missed you,” Minhee exhales; repeats for what must be the hundredth time already that day—but it’s okay, because Jisung will never tire of the words. 

“Me too,” Jisung murmurs, her fingers nimbly unbuttoning Minhee’s blouse—her hands are trembling, and it amazes her that she can still patiently do this.

She tugs at Minhee’s collar, and then gently shrugs the garment off the other woman; Minhee’s skin is smooth under her touch, and Jisung can't help but caress Minhee's collarbone—she finds them so fucking sexy.

Jisung’s blouse goes next, laughter coming out of her when Minhee, much more impatient, basically rips a couple of the buttons off. Her bra, conveniently with a front clasp, follows right after, and it tickles a little when Minhee leans down, placing gentle but reverential kisses on her small but perky breasts.

Minhee takes Jisung's hands afterwards and threads their fingers together—it's always been fascinating how close in size they are, how well they fit together. She pulls Jisung towards her as she backs up towards their shared bed; smiles at Jisung when the back of her calves hit the mattress, and for some reason, it makes the hairs on Jisung's neck stand up.

Jisung watches with bated breath as Minhee seductively moves down, showering her with light kisses on her stomach as she unbuttons Jisung's skirt. This isn’t her first time with a woman, but it still feels like this is all that she's been waiting for; maybe because when it all comes down to it, Minhee has always been the one to open her eyes to this reality about herself.

“Unnie,” Jisung whispers in a tiny voice.

“Mhm,” Minhee answers, teeth grazing along Jisung's hip bone.

Now Minhee is pulling at her skirt, taking Jisung's underwear down along with them. Jisung almost chokes on her own saliva when she feels Minhee's nimble fingers touch her between her legs.

“Minhee-unnie,” she repeats, a little unsure, but also a little pleading. One of her hands travels up her own torso, fingers tracing the curve of her own breasts, tweaking her own nipples for the extra stimulation.

Minhee's mouth is still on her stomach, but when she glances up and sees what Jisung is doing, one of her hands push Jisung’s away, only to roll her palm over Jisung’s chest herself, giving her left breast an eager squeeze that has Jisung moaning in pleasure.

“My Jisungie.” Minhee pulls away a little, and the possessiveness shoots electricity down Jisung's spine and draws a shaky groan out of her.

More, she thinks, because that's what she needs, and without thinking, her hips move of their own accord, grinding down onto Minhee’s hand. She grips Minhee's shoulder tightly when she feels Minhee's breath, warm, on her cunt and her knees suddenly start buckling over. Minhee must have noticed, because she uses some of her strength to completely pull Jisung down to her before rolling them over on the bed.

Somewhere in the back of her head, she wonders how much experience Minhee has in this area; for someone who has only had boyfriends—as far as Jisung knows, anyway—she isn't as lost as Jisung would have expected.

“What's wrong?” Minhee asks, as if noticing Jisung getting lost in her thoughts.

Jisung bites her lip, and shakes her head. I've secretly wanted this since high school, she thinks, therefore this is the time to live in the moment instead of losing herself in the maze of her mind.

When Minhee goes down on her, Jisung's first instinct is to grab at the sheets. She feels something bubbling up from her throat, and when she hears someone moan, she thinks it might be her, but she can't be sure either. She’s always been quite reserved in bed—another thing her ex had taken issue over—and this is the first time she's ever heard such a guttural sound come from herself. 

It makes Minhee giggle from down there, which tickles Jisung, prompting another low-pitched moan to escape her throat.

“Unnie,” she gasps. “I think I—”

Her legs unconsciously hook around Minhee's shoulders, and it doesn’t take long before Jisung is seeing white.

“You're so beautiful,” Minhee tells Jisung as she climbs on top of her, kissing Jisung's cheek.

Jisung feels floaty, and satisfied, and strangely happy, and she’s pretty sure she has a goofy smile on when she looks up at Minhee and she runs a hand through her hair.

“You're the beautiful one,” she murmurs. “You always have been. I had such an embarrassing crush on you the first time I saw you.”

“I was 15!”

“Yes, and I was 13, so?”

Minhee giggles, and buries her face against the crook of Jisung’s neck. “You’re the perfect one, though,” she whispers. “Because you’re you.”

In the morning, when Jisung wakes up, the first image she sees is a blurry Minhee, quietly staring at her with fondness in her gaze. She blinks, waits for her vision to sharpen before she breaks into a smile.

It's real. Minhee is real, this is real. Last night hadn't been a beautiful but fleeting dream.

“Good morning,” she mumbles, trying her best to chase away the memories of last night, at least for now. Memories of Minhee—Minhee’s teeth, tongue, and hands; her scent, warmth and the feeling of her everywhere—they're all so sharp and vivid still, distracting and quickly making Jisung feel heated so early in the day.

“Good morning,” Minhee whispers back. She's lightly fingering the drawstring on the hoodie that Jisung is wearing—which actually belongs to Minhee, something she had long packed in her emergency overnight bag. She had hand-picked it for Jisung to wear after sharing a shower the night before. “This looks nice on you,” Minhee comments, tugging at the string.

Jisung looks down, chuckling when she realizes that the logo of Minhee's alma mater is emblazoned in front of the shirt. “Is that because it's yours?” she jokes.

Minhee only smiles, giggles softly as she leans in and kisses the corner of Jisung's mouth.

“Should we start our day?” Jisung asks lazily, humming and nuzzling against Minhee.

“Can't this be our day?” Minhee asks back, inching closer, bare legs sliding along Jisung's. “Just lounging in bed, wasting away together.”

“Okay,” Jisung agrees, because she can never say no to Minhee. “So—no breakfast, then?”

“Ah.” Minhee laughs; reaches up and tenderly cradles Jisung’s cheeks in her hands. “I could have breakfast in bed right here,” she teases, soft giggles escaping her as she gives the other woman multiple kisses on her lips.

Jisung's own lips curve into a gentle smile, mirroring the joy that radiates from Minhee. She responds to every kiss in kind, her movements slow and deliberate, as if savoring each moment as it unfolds—and then she pauses, a little detail catching her attention.

“Unnie,” she whispers breathlessly; she remains close, their eyes directly meeting. “You taste minty fresh—you woke up and brushed your teeth and pretended to be asleep again, that’s not fair!”

Minhee laughs, and leans in again to attempt another kiss, but this time, Jisung leans away and keeps her at bay. In response, Minhee gives her a pleading look, which draws laughter out of Jisung.

“Ugh,” she groans, covering her mouth as she pulls away completely and scrambled out of bed. “Stay there!” she orders, before scattering away to the bathroom, happy that they chose one of the few rooms with an en suite. 

She makes quick work of brushing her teeth and gargling mouthwash twice before returning to a huffy looking Minhee.

“Alright, I’m back now,” she announces, poking Minhee, who is trying her best to look pouty and upset—not that it’s working, considering the smile that’s uncontrollably tugging at the corners of her lips. “You’re not the only one allowed to taste minty fresh instead of expired saliva!”

That makes Minhee crack up completely, and before long, they’re kissing again, minty fresh and delicious, but also with intensity born out of desire and years worth of bottled yearning, their lips meeting repeatedly in a flurry of longing and anticipation.

Their hands roam freely, eagerly, tracing paths on each other’s curves, familiarizing themselves to one another in ways that are new to both of them. They pull each other closer as the kisses deepen, the exploration of their hands growing more urgent by the second.

The room fills with the sound of their mingled breaths, and soft sighs, and matching gasps as they catch their breaths every so often. Time seemingly stands still as they lose themselves in each other all over again, and somewhere in the back of Jisung’s thoughts, a voice whispers that she can never get tired of this; that she’s been ruined for anyone and everyone else by Minhee.

Afterwards, they lay in the afterglow together, their bodies still tingling with lingering echoes of their intimacy, basking in the warmth of their connection.

“So,” Jisung whispers. “I think now might probably be the best time for me to say it.” She looks up at the ceiling, nervous, but not because she’s afraid of how Minhee might react. She's nervous because expressing herself with words has never been how she and Minhee communicated.

“Hmm?” Minhee taps her chin; tenderly tilts Jisung’s head towards her. “Say what?”

Jisung inhales deeply. “So,” she starts again. “I’m gay. Like totally, completely, only into other women gay. Lesbian. I’m a lesbian.” The words tumble out of her mouth clumsily, but genuinely; she holds her breath. “I love women.”

Minhee blinks at her. “Well. Yeah.”

Jisung laughs, airy, shy, embarrassed. Obviously Minhee is aware; it’s really just the saying-it-out-loud part that makes it awkward, she supposes, but she also really needed to say it out loud. To officially come out to this woman that she's completely in love with. “Uh-huh, yeah. Do you have any thoughts on that?”

“I mean we just…” Minhee gestures between the two of them; offers a slight smile, before she places a quick kiss on the tip of Jisung’s nose. We just had sex, being the words unsaid. Multiple times, between last night and this morning.

“Yeah, but.” Jisung exhales. “You know.” She finds that she wants to really talk about this, and she wants Minhee to ask questions, so she can ask them back. It’s the only way it can all be real; the only way they can be real.

Minhee sighs, but she seems to understand what Jisung wants because the next words out of her mouth are, “So, all the guys before?”

Jisung shrugs. “My attempts at being ‘normal’? I mean.” She turns to her side, and gives Minhee a pointed look. She means society's idea of what normal is, at least.

Minhee mirrors her, and they’re left laying on their sides, staring at each other. “Honestly, ‘Sung, I guess I kinda always knew.”

“You did? You never said anything, though?” Jisung is initially surprised; somehow she really thought she’d kept Minhee in the dark—but after brief consideration, she realizes how stupid that is. Minhee has always been her person; she has always been proud of the way she knew Minhee inside out, but she should have known that went both ways. 

“You never said anything either.” 

“Sorry.”

“It doesn't really matter.” Minhee smiles softly; reaches for Jisung’s hand, plays with her fingers. “How did you know? Since when did you know?”

“What do you mean? That I like women?”

Minhee nods. “Mhm.”

Jisung pauses; looks at her and Minhee's intertwined fingers and thinks about it. “I think I always just knew,” she concludes. “Like, it’s not something I consciously thought about when I was a little girl, but then… I met you. It was hard not to be sure shortly after that.”

“Because you met me?” Minhee asks, and Jisung thinks it’s crazy how genuinely confused Minhee appears to be at that.

“You're so beautiful, unnie. Always have been. Surely you know that?” Jisung chuckles softly. “I developed a massive crush on you the first time we met. I remember girls gossiping about boys from the other school and I just… I thought about you, in the way—in the context that they talked about those boys.”

Jisung is embarrassed but Minhee simply nods slowly as if she's processing her words. It makes Jisung want to ask her how she feels. She wants to know if last night is about Jisung, about the two of them, or if Minhee is just experimenting, just wanting to test her own attraction to women. 

“You were with someone in Japan right?” Minhee, like usual, beats her in speaking. “That model who used to be on your Instagram a lot.”

Jisung winces. “I was barely ever on Instagram though!”

“Yeah, but whenever you posted, she tended to be a feature. At least for a while.” There’s a hint of jealousy in her tone, and it tickles Jisung’s insides with both pleasure and guilt. “She was also always liking your posts. What was her name again… Instagram user hwanghime.”

“Hyunjin.” Jisung can't help but snort; of course Minhee remembered her ex’s username. She probably remembers her name too, but is just being petty by pretending not to. “Hwang Hyunjin. And yeah. I wanted to tell you about her, honestly.”

“Why didn't you?”

“I don't know.” Jisung sighs. “I think I always hid this part of me from you because… if I told you, I was scared you'd see right through me. See how much I really wanted you. How I always wanted you. And I didn't need that hanging over our friendship.”

“Always?” Minhee looks at her and Jisung blushes; shrugs in an attempt to appear nonchalant.

“Unnie… did you really not know this about me?” she asks softly. If Minhee had an inkling that she liked women, then surely…?

“About you?”

“Yeah. About my feelings—?”

Minhee pauses briefly before shrugging. “Maybe, deep inside? I didn’t want to think about it, I think. I guess it’s kind of the same reasoning as yours? I didn't want that to color our friendship because you've always been too important to me, so I was subconsciously in denial.”

“What about exactly—that I like women? Or that I liked you?”

“Both?” Minhee gives it some thought. “Mostly the former, though. You wouldn’t talk with me about any of it, and I didn’t push because that would have meant looking into my own feelings towards you. Because there was always something, I think.”

Jisung sighs. “All those years… we could’ve…” They could have been something more, she thinks. If only they had been more mature; more self-aware; more open with each other.

“I guess we can say that we wasted all those years,” Minhee surmises, “but we can also say we spent them growing up, and getting ready for what we have now. And I think that’s a better way of putting things, right?”

Jisung smiles; she feels warmth rising up her cheeks. What they have now, Minhee had said. It’s hopeful. Positive. It implies they have something to treasure. Something present. “Right,” she agrees, leaning in and nuzzling Minhee’s perfect nose.

“Now it's my turn,” Minhee whispers after a brief kiss on Jisung’s lips. “I have a confession.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Minhee smiles faintly. “This wasn’t my first time.”

Jisung blinks; laughs. “Yes, I know that, unnie. I remember you talking and providing too many icky details about losing your virginity to Juyeon—”

“No, not—” Minhee immediately interrupts her before Jisung can even finish her sentence; she laughs shakily, nervously. “God, don't remind me.”

“What are you talking about, then?”

“I mean that this is not my first time with a girl—with a woman. It’s not…” Minhee exhales; stops talking and gives Jisung a meaningful look instead.

“Oh.” Jisung stares right back, eyes bright and wide. “Oh. I mean. Really?”

“Back in college… Chaebinnie and I. Yeah.” 

“Wait, what. Really?!”

Minhee looks away, ears and cheeks bright red. 

“You and Chaebin-unnie… you were? You had a thing?” Jisung certainly hadn’t been expecting that kind of confession.

“It wasn’t—” Minhee winces. “It wasn’t like that— like. It started because I was curious. We were curious, so we kind of had something going for a while.”

Jisung pouts; jealousy stirs inside her even though she knows it's something from so far back. She wonders if this is close to what Minhee had felt, seeing Hyunjin on her Instagram feed, without Jisung clarifying who she was to her. “How long did it go on?” she mumbles in question.

“Just a couple of months. Um, and then I guess, a few more times here and there whenever we were both single and horny.”

Jisung blinks; stares long and hard at Minhee who is looking at her again, a certain measure of uncertainty reflected in her eyes. “Why weren’t you curious with me?” She sounds pouty, maybe annoyed, and she hates it, but she can’t help the emotions currently twisting in her gut.

Minhee scoffs; laughs lowly and self-deprecatingly. “I was curious because of you, in hindsight. You always meant everything to me, Jisung. But I couldn’t take the chance and lose you. Besides—we were so close, and we had been for a while, so it was hard, you know? You were the first girl friend I ever had, and I wondered… maybe most female friendships like that? Very intimate? So I needed to figure things out by myself.”

Jisung inhales deeply, and tries to process what Minhee is telling her. She thinks she understands at least objectively, but, “You and Chaebin-unnie are pretty good friends, too.”

Seo Chaebin is one of Minhee's closest friends from her university days. She’s petite in stature—shorter than Jisung, anyway, but she’s also a lot curvier, and quite attractive in her own way. She has sharp eyes that always seem to know a lot more than she says out loud, and she’s also very personable; funny and friendly and very easy to get along with. Minhee had introduced her to Jisung, of course; they had all hung out a few times, and Jisung always liked her. Right now, though, that doesn't help dampen the jealousy she’s feeling.

“Yeah, but she wasn’t you. She didn’t know me like you did. Couldn’t read me like you could—we were close, but she was never my best friend. She was... we were—it just wasn't the same.”

“Ah.” Jisung blinks, and tries to wrest away the flutters in her chest. She clears her throat, pressing her lips together in an attempt to be nonchalant. “So. How was it with Chaebin-unnie, then?”

Minhee shrugs. “It was… something. I wasn’t in love with her, and it didn't really feel much different from any time I was with guys, except obviously, she had different parts. Rather—it wasn’t better? It wasn’t worse, either. It felt good, but I guess you can say it didn’t do much to curb the curiosity I was trying to satisfy. As an experiment it was inconclusive.” She snorts, rubs and hides her face against her pillow. “The truth is—when I started dating in high school, it wasn’t because I felt strongly for any of them. I wanted people to stop thinking like I acted like I was above them just because I was allegedly breaking guys’ hearts left and right. So I started saying yes, and started dating in general. It has its perks—and well, sex in general is… usually it’s nice, at best. The physicality is nice, fulfilling, but it’s never mind blowing—unless I’m emotionally in tune with my partner. It was like that, at first, with Dongwoo—or I thought it was.” She laughs, a little wistful, a little self-deprecatingly, and it breaks Jisung’s heart a little because she’s well aware that Minhee had genuine, albeit underserved, feelings for the man. “Maybe it’s just because he was really good at sex—” Minhee jokes half-heartedly, “—he had years of experience on me after all.”

Jisung groans; huffs. “Are we really talking about that jerk right now—?”

“No!” Minhee laughs. She props herself up with an elbow, and reaches for Jisung; cups her face and makes her look towards her. Jisung can’t help but sigh; the way Minhee’s touch is tender, but electrifying and she can’t help but lean into her. “It’s never been like it was with you, Jisung,” Minhee mumbles, and a kaleidoscope of butterflies flutters inside Jisung’s stomach. “What I’m trying to say,” Minhee continues, “is that the physicality of it all—of sex—is nice, but it never really feels as good as when I’m emotionally in tune with my partner. When I’m in love. So I guess it's safe to say—I’m in love with you too, Han Jisung.”

“Oh.”

“Oh,” Minhee echoes.

“Oh,” Jisung repeats, otherwise speechless. She feels tears rushing down her cheeks, and she feels silly for them—her abundant wellspring, triggered a little bit by relief, but mostly it's all joy. When she laughs, Minhee laughs along with her, and then she reaches over, wiping Jisung's still uncontrollable tears, but the gesture only makes her cry even more.

“I love you so much unnie,” she manages in between sobs.

“So why are you crying so hard?” Minhee asks, chortling, amused but also clearly so fond.

“Because I'm happy,” Jisung wheezes. “You make me so goddamn happy, Lee Minhee.”

🌅

Minhee and Jisung sit on the beach, huddled close with hands clasped together, watching as the sun dips below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of pink and gold. The warm glow of the setting sun casts a soft radiance over their features, and not for the last time, when Jisung turns to look at Minhee, her breath catches in awe at how beautiful her best friend—girlfriend, now, she giddily amends her thoughts—is. 

“Stop staring,” Minhee chastises her, and Jisung ducks her head in embarrassment.

“Can you blame me?”

“Absolutely.” Minhee chuckles. “I blame you for everything,” she adds senselessly, just talking to talk and Jisung adores her for it.

Jisung scoffs, and just as Minhee's giggling is starting to taper off, it suddenly starts back up again—twofold.

“What!” Jisung pouts and lightly elbows her side.

“Maybe catching Jeongin’s bridal bouquet did happen for a reason,” Minhee comments. “Maybe it was accurate foreshadowing."

Jisung fake gasps. “Are you trying to propose, unnie? Are you saying we’re getting married next?”

Minhee snorts. “Well, don’t they say lesbians are ready to move in together after the first date?”

It’s Jisung’s turn to burst into laughter. “I think we need to actually go on a first date first.”

“Oh, just you wait,” Minhee declares, and Jisung almost makes a comment about how technically Minhee is bisexual; almost retorts that they can't really get married in their country—but she bites her tongue because that ultimately doesn't matter because as usual, they're them, and they don't need to stamp any documents to be them.

The two of them look at each other, smiles wide as they lean into each other, their happiness practically making them glow.

Eventually, their combined giggling trails off into relative silence, but their matching grins remain on their faces. Minhee leans her head on Jisung’s shoulder and sighs, nuzzling her neck before shifting and looking ahead. In the sudden, but comfortable silence, Jisung joins her in marveling at the beauty of nature unfolding before them, the colors of the sky blending seamlessly with the gentle lull of the ocean waves.

As the sun gradually disappears behind the horizon, Jisung thinks about everything that had happened over the last 48 hours; about how she would never have predicted that this is where she and Minhee would have ended up—but how it’s really not much of a surprise that this is where they are now. She feels a profound sense of connection and peace washing over her, and she remembers telling Minhee to take her anywhere but home.

It’s funny, really, how the universe works, because she knows that in Minhee she long ago found a sanctuary from the chaos of the world, a person with whom she could simply be. A person she could always return to; someone she could always call home.