Archive of Our Own

"Matsugane-no-oyasan! You've got to be kidding! Anyone but Kaito!"

Yagami is well aware that he can get away with a lot more than anyone else in the Family. But he knows when he's pushing the boundaries of Matsugane’s patience and realizes that right now he's certainly skirting the line. So he snaps his mouth shut and presses his lips into a defiant thin line instead, silently expressing his disapproval of his quasi-adoptive father’s proposition.

“Ta-bō, I need a place for you to live long-term. I can’t have you staying here in the office any longer. Kaito-san-” He puts emphasis on the honorific, despite never addressing his subordinates that way, evidently to point out Yagami's act of discourtesy of leaving it out entirely while addressing the other young man present in the room “- here was telling me he can barely afford his apartment by himself, so this seems to be the ideal solution. Two birds, one stone, so to speak.”

Yagami glances over at Kaito, because he can't imagine him being thrilled about this either but unlike Yagami, whom he expressly considers an ungrateful brat anyway, he remains quiet and stoic.

Some real yakuza shit, Yagami thinks. The boss says jump and you jump. Or in this specific case: The boss says you move in with some kid your boss scraped off the streets and who's been a pain in your ass ever since you first laid eyes on each other, and you do. You nod and you bow your head deep and thank your patriarch for the opportunity, and that's that.

He feels a brief flash of anger towards Kaito, mostly for making Yagami look childish and he glowers at him for a moment before he manages to compose his face into a more neutral expression. It can't be helped. Plus, the prospect of having his own space instead of having to sleep on the floor of the Matsugane Family's office does actually sound enticing. Even if he has to share it with that guy.

~

Later that same day, with dusk settling and the sea of lights of Kamurocho flickering to life Yagami stands before the run-down five-storied building that sits tucked away in one of the less busy sidealleys, duffle bag in hand, sullen and ready to throw down should Kaito start any shit with him. He squints at the sign by the doorbell and finds it: Apartment number 407.

He's about to ring the bell, since Matsugane had said Kaito would be handing over the keys to him but before his finger can even reach the buzzer the door is swung open with way too much force. 

“There you are, Ta-bō!” Kaito basically shouts, way too loudly and cheerfully. What's gotten into him? This wasn't at all what Yagami had expected.

“I told you not to call me that, Kaito-san”, Yagami grumbles, adding the honorific pointedly. Just because Matsugane calls him that doesn't mean that Kaito can. 

“Aw, c'mon, I'm basically your aniki now, aren't I!” 

Yagami just glares at him.

“Here, lemme take your bag.”

‘What's with the fucking courtesy all of a sudden?’ Yagami thinks irritably but refrains from saying out loud. Just a couple of weeks ago Kaito had wiped the proverbial floor of this very alley with Yagami and nearly dislocated his shoulder. The fight had of course been initiated by Yagami. He can't help it, doesn't even know why he does it, pick fights he to some degree is aware he can't win.

“It’s on the fourth floor and there’s no elevator, not sure your noodle arms could handle carrying it all the way up”, Kaito says and laughs boisterously, as if he’s just made the funniest joke and Yagami’s strangely relieved, because that’s more like it, this is more familiar ground. He's about to give a snappy comeback before he thinks better of it and lets the mild insult slide. That's his one kindness of the day taken care of.

The place by no means is large but to Yagami it feels almost unreal to finally have a roof over his head again that he can truly call his own. Matsugane told them he’d be helping them with the rent on top of Yagami’s school tuition fees he’s already paying for. School.

In the beginning, when he’d first happened upon Kaito (and taunted him long enough that he ended up getting the shit beat out of him a good dozen or so times) and was dragged before Matsugane, who, against every conceivable reason extended an offer to help him, Yagami fully expected to have a future within the Family, that he could start running jobs just like Kaito did, who'd joined up only briefly before Yagami's arrival in Kamurocho.

But for some reason, Matsugane had insisted that Yagami would get himself a proper education and finish high school. And so Yagami finds himself back in classes all day while Kaito is out doing whatever work there is to do for a grunt like him.

~

They quickly enough learn not to bash each other’s heads in, even squeezed together in the small confined space of their 1.5 room apartment.

Yagami can't even exactly say how and when it happens but Kaito becomes one of his closest friends. He guesses it partly comes with the territory of sharing a living space and spending so much time together. Kaito turns out to be loyal to a fault, pretty funny if a bit blunt, painfully honest and in certain instances even kind of caring in a way that Yagami never would have expected. He’s also surprisingly sharp, Yagami has to admit, first begrudgingly, then, slowly, eventually with increasing respect. 

He quickly grows to appreciate all of these traits in his roommate.

It feels good to have someone around to talk to about anything and be able to just mess around with.

He probably appreciates Kaito’s bullheaded and reckless side just as much, if not a little more. 

Much to Matsugane’s dismay, they now get into street brawls together on the regular rather than fighting each other. It’s exhilarating. Having each other's backs, they easily win every fight. They work so well together that it's almost a little frightening. 

Yagami usually wouldn’t get invited to meet-ups of the Matsugane Family but Kaito appears to want to make sure he feels included and frequently asks him to tag along to parties and to come train with him in the small dojo the Family keeps below their office. Yagami really grows to appreciate these times too, the two of them stumbling back home after a long night out, arm in arm, half-empty sake bottle still in hand or going all out while sparring in the dusty little training hall.

And then there's this certain tone of voice, that Kaito only ever uses around Yagami, that seems to be reserved for when it's just the two of them, like when they’re fighting against a bunch of punks in the streets and Yagami's about to lose control over his anger. It’s when Kaito will put his hand on his shoulder and calmly, almost soothingly talk him down each and every time from doing something stupid that Yagami would have later come to regret.

He appreciates this, too.
Not that he’d ever tell Kaito this.

~

Three years pass by and Yagami graduates from high school. He actually gets accepted into law school and it’s great and he’s so happy to see Matsugane this proud of him (he’s so proud in fact that he actually gives Yagami a hug on the day he receives the acceptance letter). He’s aware that for most of his classmates the subject matter is far from easy but Yagami truly enjoys the classes and seems to breeze through most of them with flying colors. It’s almost like he was made for this. 

Matsugane even lands him a job in a law office, despite Yagami's lack of credentials, right here in Kamurocho. Genda, a man so similar to Matsugane, is a laid back boss, a great lawyer and an excellent teacher and begins to treat Yagami as if he were his own son just about as quickly as Matsugane had.

It’s Yagami’s 19th birthday and to celebrate the fact that it’s officially going to be yet another year for him until he’ll be of legal drinking age he and Kaito of course go get smashed at one of the bars that are running under Matsugane protection. It’s a fun night out and Yagami is happy to hang out with his best friend as they down drink after drink until everything begins to spin slightly, until an unfamiliar man, wearing a white tracksuit with a Matsugane Family pin sits down at their table. He throws an overfamiliar arm around Kaito.

“Thought that was you, Kaito,” the tracksuit says.

Kaito tenses up immediately and Yagami can see in the way the muscles in his jaw are working that he’s trying to keep a calm composure. “Hamura,” Kaito states coolly. “What can I help you with,” he adds, his gruff tone in stark contrast to his polite words. 

The reaction is immediate. The tracksuit’s face twists into an ugly grimace and he looks like he’s about to throw a punch in Kaito’s direction. Yagami leans forward, almost imperceptibly, readies himself in case it does come to blows.

“Don’t get cocky now, shit-for-brains” Hamura says, his expression smoothing into a smug smile that makes Yagami’s fists itch.

He sits back, gets out a silver case, shakes out a cigarette and puts it between his lips. Evidently he's waiting for Kaito to light it for him who only looks at him impassively, not moving a muscle. The moment stretches and the tension is almost palpable until Kaito finally gets out his treasured zippo.

He leans across the table, snaps the wheel until the flame comes alive and lights the tip of Hamura's cigarette. 

Hamura takes a deep drag, blows the smoke in Kaito's direction. He shakes his head and scoffs. “You might be the oyaji’s lapdog, but even with all that boot-licking you're still just a little bitch fighting over scraps with the other bottom feeders, huh. That must sting. So much time wasted on kissing ass and still getting nowhere.”

Yagami makes a move to stand, wants to either bury his fist or foot in the guy’s face, since no one’s allowed to talk to his friend like that. Or about Matsugane, for that matter.
“Leave it, Ta-bō,” Kaito warns sharply, only loud enough for Yagami to hear.

It’s the kind of tone in his voice that tells him to unclench his fists and take a step back. They get up from their seats and Kaito bows, nodding his head at Hamura before they both make their way out of the bar. Yagami can’t help but look back and glare at Hamura one last time and has to content himself with simply fantasizing about wiping that smug grin off that ugly mug with a well-placed punch.

~

The air outside is mild, cool on Yagami’s heated face as they walk. Neither of them speak for a long while. “It’s true.” Kaito finally says, as if he’s read Yagami’s thoughts.
“Hm?” Yagami replies, carefully.
“Matsugane made him Captain.”
“When?”
“Does it matter? Summer last year, I think.” 

Yagami goes quiet, stops short. He gets out a pack of smokes, offers one to Kaito before tucking one between his own lips. Kaito gets out his lighter before he can. Yagami leans in to let Kaito light both their cigarettes at the same time. They continue their walk, smoking in silence.
“I know you’re wracking that big brain of yours right now, Ta-bō, I can practically hear you thinking. You didn’t seriously think Matsugane’d make me Captain, did you?”
“Guess not.” Yagami takes a long drag from his cigarette, releasing the smoke through his nose in a slow exhale. He stares ahead blankly. “Actually, I kinda did. Thought nepotism could get you so far, especially in the yakuza.”

Kaito snorts a surprised laugh, bumps shoulders with Yagami, almost like it’s accidental. Maybe it is.
“Nah. There’s rules, man. Plus, we can’t all be the golden child.” The smile on his face shifts into something soft and almost rueful.
“You really mean a lot to him, you know that, right?”

Now it’s Kaito who stares ahead into blank space.
“Yeah, I know. And I’ll do everything in my power to be useful to him. Repay that kindness.”

“Not what I was getting at.”
“I know. But I also know that you feel the exact same way.”

Yagami grits his teeth. He does. And unlike Kaito, Yagami doesn’t really know why Matsugane had taken such a shine to him in the first place. Why Matsugane had offered to help him get off the streets, give him a new home and a future. As much as Kaito, Yagami is determined to find a way to return all that kindness and fatherly attention so generouly thrown his way, somehow, eventually.

Yagami thinks about Hamura’s words back at the bar. He wants to say something that’s helpful and uplifting but his mind draws a blank and he comes up with nothing. Instead, he places a hand on Kaito’s broad back and gives it an awkward pat.

“Anyhow, that really sucks, man. I'm sorry, Kaito-san.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. My bad for ruining your birthday.”
Yagami just shakes his head. They walk on in silence, their surroundings making up for it by being as bright and loud and obnoxious as only Kamurocho can be. Kaito’s head turns as he spots a neon sign and there’s a sudden gleeful glint in his eye as he zeroes in on Yagami again.

“Want me to make it up to you by buying you your very first soapland visit? My birthday gift to you. Whaddya say, Ta-bō?” He laughs as he watches Yagami’s face scrunch up.

“Dickhead,” Yagami grumbles but can't quite fight the dumb smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth. “If you were good for it, we wouldn't be surviving off fucking cup ramen all month.” He half-heartedly punches him in the shoulder as Kaito just keeps guffawing at his own lame excuse of a joke.

~

Even with his classes, the job at Genda’s office and what little free time remains, Yagami still likes to help out at Bar Tender occasionally.

The owner, Masuda, was his first lifeline when he’d first arrived in Kamurocho. He gave him a job, graciously accepting Yagami’s very obviously fake ID without making any fuss. Yagami had only been 15 then and the money he made bar-tending at Tender had kept him afloat until he’d met Matsugane.

Helping out behind the bar a couple of times per month feels like repaying Masuda a little bit of the kindness he’d extended toward Yagami when he’d been at absolute rock bottom. Besides that, the tips really are nothing to scoff at. 

Tonight’s a slow night and Yagami has polished the whiskey tumblers for what has to be the fourth time this evening out of sheer boredom, when the bartender takes mercy on him.

“Ta-bō, mind fetching me some smokes?”

Masuda holds out a couple one thousand yen bills.

Yagami delicately takes the money between his index and middle finger and holds it out, looking at his boss quizzically. “Just how many are we talking?”

Masuda smiles. “Just keep the change. And take your time, I’ll bravely weather these crowds by myself.” He gestures at the empty bar. Yagami snorts a laugh and grabs his jacket.

~

It’s a relatively mild night, the air not as stifling and there’s a pleasant breeze chasing the heat of the day out of the narrow streets. Seems it’s a slow night in general, Yagami thinks, as he looks around, making a right turn onto Pink Street. There’s a few curious tourists and some of the usual suspects of host club and soapland regulars milling about but that’s it. It’s unusual to experience the city this quiet. 

Just as he passes by a narrow side alley, his eye catches sight of something glittering silvery white. It’s a young woman in a sequin cocktail dress, held up against the wall by someone, her chest heaving, her long bleached blonde hair cascading over her shoulder as she moves.

Yagami stops short.

Is she in trouble, being harassed? Does she need help?

He takes a quick step into the alley, hides behind a vending machine to assess the situation at hand. He moves his head and peeks around the corner, just far enough so he can see the other person that’s pushing her against the wall. Loud, golden and blue patterned silk dress shirt, slacks, black in the dim light but Yagami knows they’re navy blue with pinstripes.
It’s Kaito.
And he’s found himself some company it seems.

Yagami considers turning on his heel and leaving. It seems like the appropriate thing to do. Then again, if they hadn’t wanted to be watched, they probably could have picked a better spot than some grimy side alley, right?

Something about the sight has him fixed in place, unable to move, so he just watches on as Kaito’s hands roam over the girl’s body.
Watches as he pushes aside her dress, squeezing her ample breasts and leaning down to mouth over her exposed nipples.
Yagami swallows heavily, feeling… some kind of way and straightens his back against the side of the vending machine.

The girl is pretty enough, he supposes, in a trashy sort of way. Her lipstick is already smudged all across her mouth, some of it staining Kaito's face and neck, from what Yagami can tell. The girl seems more than enthusiastic about what's happening, grabbing wildly at Kaito’s shirt, groping his thick biceps and ultimately fisting her hands into his short hair as she sticks her tongue down his throat with gusto.

Kaito seems to be enjoying himself as well, at least as far as Yagami can judge by the sounds they’re both making.

He watches, unable to tear his gaze away, as the girl paws hastily at Kaito’s belt, unbuckling it and opening his pants and giving him a few impatient strokes before he hikes up her dress and she guides him inside of her.
Yagami’s heart is beating so loud and fast against his ribs that he’s almost sure that at any moment the couple is bound to notice it and turn their heads toward him but of course they never do.

It’s not exactly aesthetic, watching Kaito thrust into her with abandon and the girl’s head thrown back against the filthy wall and her moaning loud and somewhat shrill, while Kaito is fairly quiet, only a strained grunt every now and then reaching Yagami’s ears and still he feels himself stiffen, his own pants feeling a little too tight all of a sudden.

~

Later, that night in bed, it being so late it's practically morning, he blinks up at the dark ceiling, unable to sleep, unable to shake the images of those two bodies rubbing up against each other in that dim alley, while Kaito is snoring away, blissfully unaware, at the other side of the room.

It turns out to be the first time Yagami jerks off with Kaito present. Under the light blanket of his summer futon he takes himself in hand and closes his eyes.

He conjures up the image of the girl in her silver dress and her long blond hair, her pale breast in Kaito’s big tan hand.

Kaito’s thick arms, muscles flexing and moving under his tight shirt to hold up the girl’s weight.

Her legs wrapped around his hips, heels digging into the muscular swell of his ass.

Kaito’s small grunts as he worked up a sweat and the way his face looked in profile, so focused as he’s fucking her.

Yagami aborts all movement, takes his hand off his own dick as if it burned him.

He stares up at the ceiling.

Oh.

Fuck.

~

It's another sweltering, disgustingly hot day in Kamurocho and Yagami finds himself on his back on the waxed floor of the Matsugane dojo, all air knocked out of him. He could have avoided it, sure. Kaito tends to telegraph his moves with all but the grace of a raging bull. But, unhelpfully, the images of that other night had hit Yagami, Kaito's big hands as they roamed over that girl's body, the way his leg was pressed between her thighs, rubbing up against her- and before Yagami knows it, those very same hands are on him, steady and self-assured, and have pushed him to the floor with an almost natural ease.

Yagami blinks up at Kaito's smug face, too stunned to even muster a proper scowl. Kaito's hands are on either side of his head, his leg is slotted between Yagami's thighs, knee almost touching his crotch. Suddenly Yagami can't seem to remember how to breathe, and he refuses to accept that it isn't solely because of the fall he just took. Mortified, he feels himself blushing, hopes intensely that it will look like it's from the exertion and tries not to think about how Kaito's body is radiating heat and how his gaze is threatening to scald him. 

He manages to remember how to move his limbs and wants to get his knee up between them, use it as leverage to gain enough momentum to push Kaito off him, like he's done countless times before. His mind conjures up the image of how the girl had her legs swung up and wrapped around Kaito's waist, the way he was holding her up, pushed against the wall and-

"Gotta try harder than that, Ta-bō. You call this a fight? Come on. I know you. You're usually better than this."

Yagami blinks again, dead certain his face is as red as a tomato, shame and this unnamed feeling he’d first felt last night burning hot and cold low in his stomach. He finally gets that leg up and pushes with all his might, his hands only lingering for maybe a second or two too long on Kaito's biceps before he throws him off.

Life goes on, with nothing out of the ordinary, week after week passing. School, studying, work, the occasional rare night out with Kaito and some of his yakuza buddies. But all the while, Yagami can’t stop thinking. Thinking about Kaito, about them, about things too shameful that he at first couldn't even admit them to himself but soon finds himself jerking off to whenever he’s alone. 

Not being able to get away from his object of desire is getting more and more unbearable with each day that passes and seeing how they're even sharing a small bedroom there's only so much Yagami can do.

He hopes he gets away with just really being into extra long baths in the too-small tub in their tiny bathroom as of late, despite Kaito's complaints about him always hogging the bath. 

And, as time of them living together goes on, the feeling remains, grows stubbornly stronger by the day, making it almost unbearable for Yagami to be around the guy on some days. So he tries to put some distance between them, as much as he can without raising any suspicions in Kaito. Yagami feels ashamed, ungrateful on some days for wanting, but he can't help it, no matter what he tries. 

And try he does.

If there's one thing in abundance in Kamurocho, it's quick and easy access to sex. Yagami's far too broke to afford any of those kinds of places, that are barely hidden away in the dingy side alleys, that'd cater to what he's looking for but easy enough he finds people who are more than willing to give him what he wants for free.

His first hookup is with a lanky host with a soft, boyish face from one of the less popular clubs in the neighborhood and the first couple of times are amazing and almost everything Yagami had hoped what it would be like, so they meet again for another few times before it inevitably fizzles out and Yagami realizes that something always seems to be missing, never quite leaving him fulfilled afterwards (the something being the guy not being Kaito).

He hooks up with a couple more guys over the course of about a year but eventually, he quits that too and circles back to miserable pining. 

~

It's one of those nights, where Yagami cannot bear to be around his roommate, feels like he's sitting on hot coals, with Kaito loudly (and of course utterly obliviously to Yagami's prickliness) animatedly going on about stories of his yakuza duties that are probably not even half true, while taking up too much space on the couch they're sitting on, taking up too much space in the room and in Yagami's mind.

Yagami's skin prickles, feeling two sizes too small, but he can't do anything to make it go away.
Leaving in the middle of Kaito's recounting of tonight's events isn't feasible, would only make Kaito ask what's wrong and what is he supposed to say to that.

Yagami looks over at Kaito, takes a proper look at him for the first time this whole evening. Kaito looks unfairly good as always, silken dress shirt open a couple buttons too many, exposing a good deal of his ridiculously large chest. There's dust and dirt sticking to wherever his skin is bare, sweat beading on his forehead and running down the side of his neck. And it's a bit like looking into the sun, so Yagami turns his head away, quickly.

Kaito smells of sweat and cigarettes and beer. “Man, I'm disgusting,” he suddenly proclaims, as if he's read Yagami's mind. And with that, he's gone into the bathroom and Yagami hears him running a shower. 

And he tries not to stare, not to ogle his friend’s naked body as he stumbles out of the tiny bathroom that can barely contain his tall and muscular frame because that would be wrong, so he quickly averts his eyes by turning his head.

Not quickly enough not to catch an eyeful of Kaito's bare ass, thick thighs and toned upper body, little rivulets of water dripping down golden skin. ‘Get it together, you idiot,’ he scolds himself, feeling his face heat up.

Kaito, exceptionally cruel in his utter cluelessness, flops down next to him onto the couch. He's naked, towel uselessly draped around his shoulders. Kaito grabs the pack of cigarettes, Yagami's cigarettes, off the table and lights one for himself. He exhales a stream of blue smoke in a drawn out contented sigh. 

"You're getting the leather wet, dumbass." Yagami grouses, forcing his eyes to stay glued to the stained surface of the coffee table and ashtray in front of them.

"So?"

He can feel more than see Kaito using the towel to dry his hair, sending little drops flying everywhere, some hitting Yagami's burning cheeks.

"So. That'll stain. Get up and put some damn clothes on."

He really needs to get out of here, he thinks, or else he doesn't know what he'll do.

"A'right, touchy." he hears Kaito sighing and grinning, unimpressed as always. He leaves the lit cigarette in the ashtray and gets up, giving Yagami a full view of his ass as he walks over to their bedroom. Yagami picks up the burning cigarette from the ashtray and takes a couple of greedy drags in a futile attempt to calm his nerves. 

A minute later the couch creaks pitifully under his roommate's weight again. Kaito yawns, stretching luxuriously, now dressed in shorts and a sleeveless shirt that's approximately three sizes too small. "Man, I'm so damn sleepy now, but it’s way too early to hit the hay already."

"If you're tired then by all means, don't let me keep you." Yagami replies, tersely. Some time to himself would be good right about now.

Kaito swiftly snatches the cigarette from where it's been tucked between Yagami's lips and continues to smoke as if nothing happened. He scoffs, blows smoke through his nostrils as he does. "Nah. Wanna watch a movie?"

Yagami hesitates. Kaito really isn't one for movies, he either talks through them constantly or falls asleep a couple minutes in. Might not be the worst idea there is, all things considered.

"What'd you have in mind?"

Kaito's face sporting a smug expression floats into his field of vision.

"Oh I'm glad you asked." He grins, cigarette hanging at the corner of his mouth and produces a DVD from somewhere.

"That's..."

"Ever watched anything like this, Ta-bō?"

Porn. That's what it is. Has to be, judging by the ridiculous title and cover of the box.

He has to be fucking kidding. Right?

Yagami swallows, all-too audibly.

"Sure", he half-lies, as nonchalantly as he can muster. He's watched a bunch, sure, in that run-down video place, that seems like a relic from the past, on Nakamichi Alley with the tiny booths that smell like stale tobacco, sweat and, well, jizz. But none of them had any girls in them, alright.

"You really wanna watch that shit in company, Kaito-san?"

In lieu of an answer Kaito stubs out the cigarette in the ashtray, walks over to the TV and slips the disc into the player. 

"Don't be such a wuss, Ta-bō. Besides, you can learn a thing or two from this. At this rate, you got me worried you'll never get yourself a girlfriend."

Yagami frowns and wants to counter that he thinks it highly unlikely that porn scenarios would ever serve as helpful in any real life situation but that's when Kaito sits back down and hits the play button on the remote and Yagami's heart sinks.

This is really happening.

This can't, under any circumstances, be happening.

The flick starts out harmlessly enough, all wooden acting, clumsy dialogue and shitty camera work, setting up the 'plot': Timid, big breasted university student Aya-chan (what she studies? Alas, the viewer will never know) is nearly assaulted by some hoodlums walking home at night but saved valiantly by… some random guy? Of course, she desperately wants to repay him for his kindness in some less-than wholesome way or another. 

As the 'plot' inevitably unfolds, Yagami wants to jump up from his seat, grab his jacket and run out into the filthy Kamurocho streets, go pick a fight with someone, get his teeth knocked out, anything but to have to experience this awkwardness.

But he doesn't.

He doesn't move an inch, stuck to the couch like a fly to a glue trap.

Kaito nudges his shoulder eagerly.

"That's how you do that", he tells him and Yagami wouldn't even know what he means if he truly had been looking at the images flickering by on-screen. When he forces his attention back on the TV, the girl is being undressed, her panties torn off by her valiant savior as he dives between her legs. Soon they switch up positions and the girl gives the guy what looks and sounds like the sloppiest blowjob ever.

Kaito makes a kind of sound, something between a hum and a stifled moan that goes straight to Yagami's dick. He digs his sweaty palms into the leather of the sofa.

He glances over at Kaito. Big mistake. 

There's an unmissable tenting in Kaito's shorts, his gaze is focused on the screen, lips slightly parted, his breathing more audible now, even over the fake-ass moans of the actress in the movie. 

Yagami feels ill.

"Hey, you wouldn't mind if I-"

For a hopeful second Yagami assumes that Kaito has realized how fucking weird it is to do this together, that he's gonna suggest to turn the damn flick off and go take care of his boner in the bathroon so they can both quickly turn a new leaf and pretend this never happened. He looks over, and his eyes are inescapably drawn to Kaito's hand hovering over the tent in his pants and it finally dawns on Yagami what he's really asking. Oh no. 

"D-Don't let me stop you", he hears himself stutter, inexplicably politely, his traitorous tongue clearly circumventing his brain entirely.

A sigh of relief that burns Yagami's ears leaves Kaito's lips as he palms himself, still over the fabric of his shorts.

Yagami can barely comprehend that he's going to get to watch Kaito jerk himself off right in front of him. He bites his lip, hard, trying to uphold at least a modicum of composure, tries to make it not as painfully obvious that he's gawking. 

Yagami is vaguely aware of the annoying yelps of the actress on TV somewhere in the background as he watches Kaito from the corner of his eye, spellbound.

His gaze lingers on Kaito's hand, arm muscles flexing as he works his cock in earnest now, then flicks up to the guy’s heaving chest and finally his lips, mouth hanging slightly open, his breath leaving him in rapid little huffs.

He freezes when he looks up further and finds Kaito staring right back at him. 

Fuck. So much for subtlety. 

“Ta-bō?” Kaito sounds breathless and already half-wrecked and it really isn't helping Yagami make a convincing case as he becomes painfully aware of his own erection. 

“You alright there?” 

Yagami can't believe how Kaito manages to sound so utterly smug with his hand on his cock, that has now stilled, Yagami can't help but notice.  It almost feels like he's showing off. 

"Don't tell me you've never touched yourself before, Ta-bō?"

Yagami squeezes his eyes shut, trying to will down his erection. Futile, of course.

"Of course I have, dumbass. Just, ...this is really fucking weird, man."

Kaito has the nerve to pout at him, before his free hand moves, until Yagami feels his hand, featherlight, on his knee, a question, all reassurance.

"I can... help you out, if you want?" 

Yagami is pretty sure his brain has ceased to function as all blood has long rushed southbound. 

"Would you let me?" 

Yagami can't stifle the pained little wheeze that claws its way up his throat. He wonders, briefly, whether he's dreaming. 

Against all reason, he feels himself nod. 

The movie is all but forgotten, blotted out entirely by the sensation of Kaito's warm hand snaking up his thigh. There's an almost imperceptible pause before that same hand brushes across Yagami's crotch, fingertips barely touching the fabric of his pajama bottoms. It sends electric sparks up his spine regardless and Yagami has to remind himself how to breathe. 

"Tell me what feels good and what doesn't, okay?"

Kaito says, as if it's the most casual thing in the world that they're doing and a brief flash of blind jealousy runs through Yagami's brain as he idly wonders if he's done this with other guys before. 

With a certain deftness that doesn't exactly help dissuade Yagami's jealous thoughts, Kaito slips his hand underneath the waistband of the PJs and grasps Yagami's dick in earnest, gently feeling his way around until he has a solid grip on him.

Yagami glances over, eyes half-lidded, sees that Kaito's other hand that has been still the entire time, now begins to move again.

He pumps the both of them in unison and his eyes are back on the fucking TV and Yagami wishes so desperately, selfishly, that he'd look at him instead, would only have eyes for him, them, and what they’re doing but knows that it's asking too much.

Kaito doesn't like him like that.

Can't, and thus never will. 

But Yagami is weak and so he decides that he’ll take whatever he's given in this moment so he closes his eyes and lets himself get swept up in the sensations. Kaito's warm and firm hand around his cock, calloused thumb swiping over the head of him with every pump. Kaito's elevated breathing, so close to him, right in his ear. The scent of fresh sweat, cigarettes and something that's decidedly, uniquely Kaito. 

“You do this with your aniki-buddies too?" Yagami grits out, he can't help himself.

The hand on his dick stutters for a moment. "Huh? I mean..., kinda? Sometimes someone puts on some saucy flick, everybody minds their business, and it's a good time for everybody, y'know, uh, like team building, that sorta thing.” 

Yagami blinks.

From the corner of his eye he watches mesmerized how the tightly corded muscles in Kaito's neck strain as he continues jerking them both off, picking up the pace now.

"This", Yagami huffs, stumbling over his next words in a surprised exhale as Kaito works his dick.

"This is minding your own business?" 

Kaito, asshole that he is, chuckles, laughs breathlessly. "I was just beginning to feel bad being the only one doing it, so I thought I'd lend you a hand. We're buds, right? Don't have to be shy around me,Ta-bō. I got you."

There it was. Buds. 

The sobering reminder that to Kaito, this was little more than a distraction, a way to blow off some steam.

Just being friendly, lending his bud a helping hand. 

The girl in the video is now getting fucked in earnest, her staccato of high-pitched moans sounding like the yips of a small dog.

Yagami shakes his head, trying to rid himself of any distracting thoughts that won't get him anywhere, least of which get him off. There would be enough time to mope and be a sad sack about his best friend not liking him like that, later. 

Kaito continues to jerk them both off, his hand a warm vice around Yagami's dick, his thumb swiping across the head of him with every other pump. Yagami gives up all pretense of watching what's happening on screen and turns his attention wholly on Kaito, gaze fixed on his hand on him, his chest, his face. There's a bead of sweat running down his temple, then his neck. It eventually disappears beneath his shirt as it travels down between his bulging pecs. 

And he looks so damn beautiful like this, Yagami thinks, his dark eyes half lidded like that, expression one of concentration, lashes thick and long dusting across his cheeks when he blinks and his lips looking positively sinful, mouth hanging open slightly. 

“S-Stop", Yagami finally manages, despite wanting nothing more than for Kaito to continue what he's doing. The hand stills momentarily, is pulled away a second after. Yagami shivers from the sudden absence of touch. 

"Everything okay? I do something wrong?" For once, Kaito sounds uncharacteristically uncertain and Yagami can feel Kaito's gaze on his face, trying to get a read on him.

And even though the last functioning part somewhere in the back of his brain tells him that, no, this is indeed a tremendously horrible idea, that this will be the part where Kaito finally figures him out for what he is, what he wants of him, that this is the part where he will get pushed away, thrown out of the apartment, out of Kaito's life for good, Yagami surges forward.

He kisses Kaito on the mouth, desperately clinging to the front of his shirt, tasting the tobacco and toothpaste and booze he'd had earlier on him. It's good, in fact, it's amazing. It's everything Yagami has dreamed of, and he has spent quite a lot of time lately dreaming of this.

And, sure as hell, Kaito's hands fly up to grab him by the shoulders.

Yagami braces himself for the inevitable rejection, for Kaito's outraged reaction.
Will he simply throw him off, punch him in the face or beat him to a pulp? He'd be okay with either, if he's being honest with himself. He deserves as much, for being so selfish. He's well past the point of pretending this isn't what it is, so whatever follows now, he'll accept it, deal with it.

Kaito's grip on him eases, one hand coming up to touch the side of Yagami's face. His fingers comb through Yagami's messy hair, inexplicably gently, even as Yagami still expects them to yank him away at any moment. Then a thumb brushes across his cheekbone, slides over the soft skin under his right eye, where he knows a beauty mark dots his face.

Yagami can't comprehend what's happening, why Kaito isn't exploding into violence. He pulls back, holds his breath. He feels Kaito's thumb brush over the corner of his mouth, across the peach fuzz that Yagami's futilely tried to let grow into a proper mustache for years now and finally across his lips. The touch is electric and Yagami lets his mouth drop open, a breathless gasp escaping him.

"Holy shit, Ta-bō", is all Kaito says and there's something in his eyes that Yagami cannot decipher. Disappointment? Sadness? Something tender and vulnerable. Both not words he'd usually associate with his often rowdy, brash roommate, at any rate.

Kaito's hands settle on either side of Yagami's hips and he tilts his head ever so slightly and presses his lips onto Yagami's.

Yagami's heart and mind race in tandem, his hands flying up to cup Kaito's face and before he knows what he's doing they're kissing, hungrily nipping and sucking at each other's mouths. He eagerly slides his tongue against Kaito's closed lips and Kaito opens up with a groan that emanates deep from within his chest and lets him in. They pull and tear at each other as if trying to climb inside the other person's body, no space, no air between them.

Kaito pulls him close and closer still, until Yagami is effectively straddling his lap. His hips grind against Kaito's on their own accord, once. The noise he's rewarded with has him repeat the motion deliberately a few times before Kaito pulls back. He's breathless, face flushed, teeth glinting white and his gaze is on Yagami, only on him.

"Holy shit, Ta-bō", he says again, eyes wide and dark and Yagami still doesn't know what he means by this, whether it's a good or a bad thing, but seeing where they currently are at he thinks it can't be all bad, at least.

"I wanna suck you off", Yagami blurts out, ears burning at the crudeness of his own words, but he really, really does. 

Kaito pulls him closer with his strong arms and places a wet path of kisses along Yagami's jugular, another deep moan vibrating against the tender skin there.

"Okay", he replies smartly.

That's all the affirmation Yagami needs. He slides onto the floor and onto his knees, slotting himself between Kaito's spread legs. 

With slightly trembling fingers Yagami guides Kaito into his mouth.

He soon feels his nervousness melting away the more he gets into it, further spurred on by the sounds he's eliciting from Kaito as Yagami works his tongue and throat around him. 

Kaito lets out a broken small noise and his hips jerk once, bucking up into Yagami's mouth, cock hitting the back of his throat. 

"S-sorry," Kaito slurs, sounding so unlike himself, an apologetic hand reaching down to caress the top of Yagami's head.
Yagami simply hums around him in acquiescence, wants to let Kaito know that it's fine, that Kaito can do whatever he wants to him, that he's more than willing to take whatever he's being given.

In lieu of telling him that, Yagami takes Kaito's hands and guides them to either side of his head. He looks up at him until Kaito meets his gaze and lightly nods. 

Kaito tangles his fingers in Yagami's hair. His tongue darts out and there's a hint of teeth glistening as he bites down on his bottom lip. There's sweat beading on his brow.

Yagami stills, waits in anticipation before Kaito begins to move his hips, slowly, almost tentatively at first. He keeps glancing back down and Yagami wishes he'd just let go of all inhibitions and use him however he likes. So he takes him into his mouth, as deep as he can. Kaito gasps audibly and nearly doubles over, his body curling around Yagami's head, his voice deep and husky as he lets out another moan and then he finally picks up the pace, fucking Yagami's mouth with abandon. 

His hands fisted in Yagami's hair, Kaito comes down his throat, in what feels and sounds like an earth-shattering orgasm. Yagami, determined to take Kaito until the very last drop is spilled, briefly struggles to swallow around him. He chokes, feels tears stinging at the corner of his eyes and has to pull off him to suck in a couple of greedy breaths.

He coughs and sputters, and before he can be angry with himself for messing up so ineptly, Kaito slides his hand under his chin, gently forcing Yagami to look up at him.
He carefully wipes his thumb across Yagami's chin, wipes at the wetness there, all the while not taking his eyes off him and Yagami wants nothing more than to lean into this touch and so he does, nuzzling into his palm, like a cat starved for attention. 

Kaito pulls him up and pushes him back onto the sofa, covering Yagami's body with his own. He tries to go for another kiss and Yagami puts his hand over Kaito's pursed lips. “I probably taste like-” 

“Don't care,” Kaito hums and pushes Yagami's arm out of the way, kissing him deeply and licking into his mouth as if making a point. 

"Your tits look so hot. C'mon babe, lemme fuck ‘em." 

They pull apart, both looking over to the TV. Despite everything, an off-kilter laugh escapes Yagami's lips that he quickly bites off. 

The girl in the movie is currently pushing her definitely fake breasts together to let the guy put his cock between them. 

Huh.

He turns to Kaito who grins at him, almost conspiratorially, and raises his eyebrows, eyes flicking between the scene playing out on TV and Yagami's face. Yagami snorts out another undignified laugh. Kaito raises his arms and takes his shirt off, balling it up and tossing it into the far corner of the room. 

Who could have guessed that porn could be useful in real life situations after all. 

With surprisingly minimal fumbling they effectively switch places, with Kaito stretched out on the couch, head propped up against the low armrest and Yagami straddling him, knees on either side of Kaito's now bare waist.

Yagami pulls down his pajama bottoms as far as he can, waistband snapping as it settles just below his ass cheeks and takes himself in hand with a quiet hiss. He can't remember the last time he was this painfully hard.

Kaito looks a little lost for a moment, his gaze briefly going back to the TV and he evidently tries his best to mimic the actress' pose, pushing his pecs tautly together.

Yagami edges forward a little until his cock finally slides against Kaito's hot skin. With an almost pained sounding groan Yagami pushes up into the tight channel that Kaito has created by pushing his chest muscles together using his big biceps. The feeling is incredible, unlike anything Yagami has ever felt. Kaito's skin is sweat-slicked and smooth and his muscles make for a firm and pleasant squeeze around Yagami’s cock as he begins to move in earnest.

He thrusts up, quickly finds himself on the verge of getting lost in the sensation but notices that Kaito is still looking over to the side, clearly still distracted by the TV and Yagami feels a stab of jealousy burning through his gut and even though he knows that he's being stupid and, moreover, ungrateful, that he should count himself happy that he's getting this much from Kaito, that he just got to see him like this.
Still, he has to fight the urge to grab Kaito by the chin, have him focus on this thing they're doing and only this, not drool after some unattainable pornstar. 

Instead of being a possessive weirdo, he tosses his head back and lets his eyes slip shut as he works his hips and focuses on how Kaito's body is so warm and steady under him.

The feel of Kaito's pecs around his dick is incredible, but Yagami's unsure if he can get off like this, his thoughts having gotten in the way of things a little. 

Suddenly, he feels a rough wet warmth at the tip of his cock and a surprised moan tumbles out of him, unbidden.

Another touch, wet and warm.

Again.

And again. 

He blinks his eyes open and looks down. Kaito's got his mouth open and he's sticking out his tongue. With every thrust of Yagami's hips he laps at the tip of him, eyebrows knitted together in concentration, eyes half-lidded and dark under his lashes.

Yagami feels his impending orgasm pulling a taut line behind his navel and pushes himself further up on Kaito's broad chest, until he can watch him slide his plush lips around Yagami's cock, sucking tentatively. 

The rational part in the far back of Yagami's brain warns him to stop this immediately, that he has to tell Kaito that he doesn't have to do this, shouldn't force himself to since he knows the guy has never done this kind of thing before, that this isn't his playing field at all. But he's offering so graciously and Yagami is weak and selfish and so he says nothing, just takes care not to push too far and lets Kaito set the pace with his movements, with his hands on Yagami's hips, guiding him. 

The wet heat around his dick, the sight and sounds, it all gets too much, all-too soon. 

“Kaito-san, I-” 

Understanding, Kaito pulls off him, wraps his fingers around him and gives him a couple rough pumps and Yagami tumbles over the edge with an almost inaudible broken sound. 

For a few unreal moments, all that Yagami hears is his own heartbeat and breath, that's coming in harsh little huffs. 

Without any warning, Kaito sits up, sending Yagami sliding off his lap as he does. Yagami tries to control his breathing and to gather himself quickly. They're back to sitting next to each other on the sofa just like they had when this evening started, both staring blankly in the direction of the TV that's now playing the intro menu in a loop, over and over. 

Yagami glances over, watches Kaito scrub across his face with his clean hand. There's some cum splattered on Kaito's chest and neck and Yagami feels strangely thrilled but also just a little ashamed. 

Kaito, his one soiled hand still formed into a hollow fist, gets up. “Kaito-san”, he mutters, sounding irritated as he makes his way to the bathroom. “Yeah, alright.” 

Yagami just sits there for a while, alone in the living room before he finally gets up on slightly wobbly legs to turn off the damn TV. 

Yagami feels the urge to say something. Feels like he needs to apologize for his behavior, for forcing Kaito to do these things he can’t have been comfortable with. But he knows he can’t do it facing him. So, like the coward he is, he leans against the flimsy door to the bathroom, listens to the shower being turned off.

“Listen, sorry about… what just happened.”

He's met with only silence from the other side of the door but he knows that Kaito is listening. It emboldens Yagami to keep talking, the dam broken.
“Just got a little carried away in the, uh, heat of the moment, is all.” He forces a laugh. The lie feels weak, even to his own ears.

He can hear the faint rustling of clothes on the other side of the door.

“Look, let’s just forget all about it, alright?” Yagami’s heart beats in his throat. Having come down from his high, he just feels ashamed and desperate for having allowed himself to give in to his stupid desires like this. He waits, face pressed against the door, listening. No answer follows. Still, he hopes it will be enough.

He hears the doorknob turn and moves aside just in time to let Kaito storm past him into the bedroom, without so much as throwing a glance his way.

~

A few minutes later, Yagami stands alone in the bathroom, both hands firmly planted on either side of the sink.

His head is buzzing, feeling both full and empty at the same time. The thrum of energy is steadily seeping out of him like a balloon pricked with a needle losing air as he brushes his teeth.

He looks in the mirror, taking in the damage done: swollen lips, hair a mess, okay, more of a mess than usual, his own eyes staring back at him, dark and serious, seeming strangely unfamiliar to himself.

There's a single darkening mark on his neck, just below his Adam's apple. Yagami touches his fingertips to it, tries to store away the memory of how Kaito's mouth felt on his skin. He feels like he could just about float away from his own body, feels like everything that just perspired can't possibly be real, or that it has happened to someone else and he's simply been watching it happen to a stranger, like that stupid movie that started all of this. 

A profound sense of loss fills him then, at the realization that this was all he would ever get to have with Kaito.

Because Kaito, loud and headstrong and wonderful Kaito only likes girls and will never like him like that. 

~

He forces himself to leave the confined safe space of the tiny bathroom and shuffles into their shared bedroom, a small 6-tatami-sized cube, his body feeling impossibly heavy. He forces his chin up not to further let his emotions betray his act and sees Kaito standing there, looking, not mad, but instead almost somewhat sheepish?

Yagami follows his gaze.

Kaito's futon that's usually at the far other end of the room is spread out right next to Yagami's.

“Is this really what you want?” Yagami asks, carefully, still somehow bracing himself for the expected rejection, wanting to offer Kaito an out, in case he needs it. 

Kaito cocks his head lightly to the side and his smile is rueful for once.

“You know, Ta-bō, for someone this goddamn smart you really are a fucking idiot sometimes.”

He flops down onto his futon, lying on his side and looks up at him expectantly, if a little warily.

Yagami can’t fight the dumb relieved smile that’s tugging at his lips as he lies down, right next to Kaito. He scoots over until he’s pressed comfortably against his broad back. He puts his arm around him, his hand settling on Kaito’s stomach. He can feel his own breath fanning across the nape of Kaito’s neck warmly before he nuzzles up against him, feeling the other man's ribcage expand, then deflate in a long contented sigh underneath his hand. 

He places a gentle kiss to the soft skin of Kaito’s neck, just below the shell of his ear. 

“I’m sorry. Goodnight, Masa-kun.” 

Kaito snorts a surprised but pleased sounding laugh that rumbles through his chest. His hand finds Yagami’s and he threads their fingers together, briefly touching the back of Yagami’s hand to his lips.

“Goodnight, Ta-bō.”
Yagami curls around Kaito, his arm around him tightening ever so slightly and slowly drifts off to sleep, smiling.