Chapter Text
“Good morning, I’d like to ask everyone attending this press conference to wait until we have finished our statement before asking questions. It won’t take too long but please rest assured that everything we say comes from our heart and we take this incredibly seriously.” Izuku paused, rustling the paper laid out on the podium in front of him. Taking a shaky breath to continue, he opened his mouth but immediately melted when Hizashi stealthily wrapped an arm around his waist, grounding him, supporting him and generally being an amazing human being. He swallowed thickly.
“Its ok, we’re here” whispered Shouta against his other side.
Izuku cleared his throat and finally spoke further “Myself, along with Pro-heroes Present Mic and Eraserhead would like to formally apologise for the very public display that occurred the day before yesterday at Hero-Fiesta. Our actions, while unavoidable following the quirk laced attack, no doubt caused distress-“
At that moment, someone in the large crowd shouted “and loads o’fuckin erections!”
Hizashi immediately lurched forward, grabbing the podium mounted microphone and shouted “You need to wash your nasty mouth out, you dirty pig!”
Of course, it was several minutes of chaos before security escorted the troublesome folk away from the town square and worked diligently to re-establish calm.
“Barely seems worth continuing.” Shouta mumbled, thoroughly irritated by the whole affair. “I don’t see why we had to do this shit in person anyway.”
Izuku wanted to agree, but people skipped over drafted letters, skimmed articles and straight up ignored long, boring social media posts. Embarrassing speeches delivered live, in front of a large crowd, pulled in more attention his PR manager said. And Hizashi agreed. In the end it was just Shouta who was dragging his feet and grumbling about it despite not having to do any of the talking.
“Don’t start. The next person who comments on ‘how beautifully Izuku moans’ is getting their head ripped off”
He turned to Hizashi and tilted his head up to nuzzle under the blond’s chin. Having two boyfriends who were significantly taller was a blessing and a curse he thought as his aching neck complained.
“Thank you for regaining composure” Said the mayor in a clear voice before turning to the three of them standing a few feet back on the stage “Hero Deku, please continue.”
Izuku closed his eyes, steeling himself for a moment.
‘How the hell did this become my life.’
Two days earlier…
“Kacchan, Kacchan” he hissed, his shorter legs scrambling to keep up with the long stomping strides of his childhood friend “Eraserhead is going to be on the stage with us! I’ve never met him!”
Katsuki groaned, pace never faltering “You’re such a nerd. That hobo was my fucking teacher Deku, I had 3 years of his droning voice, a face that screamed ‘dead inside’ so why the hell would you be excited to meet him?”
The blond jerked to the side, narrowly avoiding a petty slap.
“Rude.” Izuku gripped his backpack a little tighter, muttering quietly “I’d have a face that screamed dead inside if I had to share a classroom with you.”
Of course, thanks to his recent restorative ear surgery, Katsuki heard his little retort and promptly set off a small explosion near his face, leaving the tips of his hair singed.
After washing his face and putting his bag in the provided locker, Izuku followed the hastily erected cardboard passage through the large atrium hall to the centre stage, where he was told to wait behind the partition.
Its a strange set up, he thought peeking out through the gaps. The large stage was in the centre of the gigantic room. The back half of the large platform had a sort of waiting room (without a roof), the walls of which were 8ft tall rectangles of thin plywood, connected by small clips, leaving a centimetre gap between each piece. At the end is a small switchback in lieu of a door so the heroes can enter the stage easily.
One of the panels in the small room though, is oddly near see through paper. Apparently it was in place for a ‘Guess the Hero’ section planned for the following day, where people had to figure out the hero from the silhouette.
In front of the stage, the vast space was filled with hundreds of chairs for the spectating audience. Behind the stage, beyond the small temporary partition, the other half of the wide, open arena, was filled with small stalls for artists, jewellery and bag makers, cosplayers, everything and anything “Made for Hero Fans, by Hero Fans”.
So it was already bustling.
Really he was grateful for the weird little passage that got him onto the stage.
And now that he was in the relative sanctuary, he looked around the surprisingly well sized ‘room’, first spying a table with bottles of water and then-
“Present Mic!!”
Izuku quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, mortified by his embarrassing show of reverence. Katsuki was right. He really was a nerd.
In his defence, he’d been sheltered in his heroic rising. Scouted by All Might and Sir Nighteye at the age of 11, he was pulled from school and trained privately to become the successor to the Symbol of Peace. He managed to reunite and become friends with Katsuki again following an accidental run in with a slime villain 3 years later. The blond had been stunned when he raced in, skin ablaze with teal lightning, yanking him out of the crook’s grimy grasp and floating up onto the roof of the adjacent building, while All Might himself took the villain out.
Well, perhaps he looked upon it with rose tinted glasses. The reality had been a lot of shouting and cursing, a few explosions, rampant emotions and then breakdowns on both sides. But over the course of a year, the two became close friends, just like when they were children, before anyone had even thought about the word ‘quirkless.’
“Well well well, if it isn’t the nation’s shiniest pet”
Izuku whirled on the spot, eyes sparkling, wide happy grin lighting up his face… he recognised that voice from the numerous interviews he’d seen. “Phantom Thief!!”
Monoma recoiled a little at his sunny expression. Based on Kacchan’s stories, the snarky blond was probably expecting some kind of biting remark… instead he got blasted with a desire for friendship.
“Uhhh”
“I’m so excited to finally meet you! I requested we work together on the Sonoma case last month but you were on a mission up north apparently. Still, I get to meet you here! And thats great! I’ve seen a lot of your analysis work, what with the nature of your quirk, being able to understand quirks is important and I love that, I think quirk analysis is imperative when working out in the field with a lot of unknown-“
“DEKU! Stop freaking him out, you nerd!”
Kacchan’s barking snapped him out of his endless babble and his glazed eyes refocused on Monoma. The poor guy looked like a teenager being forced to hug a great-great-aunt.
“Izuku!”
He turned again, this time towards the angelic voice of Momo Yaoyorozu, someone he’d grown to enjoy the “occasional spot of tea” with, after they’d met during a nasty trafficking case the previous year. And calling it ‘an occasional spot of tea’ made him feel very fancy, in stark contrast to how his life usually was, with having Kacchan for a best friend.
For the next fifteen minutes, he conversed with heroes he’d previously met and was introduced to a few others… but in the corner, gathered around a water cooler was a gaggle of former/current teachers.
Present Mic, the host of the event, would be announcing the teachers of the “Golden Year” followed by a selection of the brightest heroes to come from that generation. So Eraserhead and Vlad King from UA, Ms Joke from Ketsubutsu, Jet from Shiketsu and Hell Bass from Seijin High were there to answer questions about their teaching from 10 years ago when the “Golden Year” started.
The heroes from that year were Dynamight and Creati from class A, Phantom Thief and Battle Fist from class B, Grand from Ketsubutsu (even though Shindo had technically been a third year at that point, Ms Joke apparently threw a tantrum about representation from her Alumni), Gale Force (from Shiketsu) and Gigantouch (the only non-underground hero from Seijin high). Izuku had been added to the roster despite not attending any of those schools but he was the highest ranked hero out of the lot of them so it made sense he supposed. And he certainly wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth… getting to meet his two biggest crushes in the goddamn universe, Present Mic and Eraserhead… yes please.
After a little chat with Yaomomo as she insisted he call her, a stern spectacled man closed the end with the little tunnel exit and worked with a group of staff to fully dismantle the passage through which they’d all came. It didn’t take long before there was a loud clattering and suddenly, an excited rabbling noise picked up.
Izuku and a couple of others peeked out through the gaps, to see the three main doors to this half of the room were now spill points for the hundreds of hero otaku flooding the room, all scrambling to get the best seats in a woefully organised affair.
Everything from the moment people were seated though, went off without a hitch…
The stage was set up with two long tables and a gap in the middle where Present Mic stood, announcing people one by one. Along the left table Hell Bass and her former student Gigantouch, Jet and his former student Gale Force and Ms joke with Grand sit, all smiles. Then the right table fills, Vlad King takes the furthest spot, with Phantom Thief and Battle Fist making their entrance shortly after, then Eraserhead came in, bucking the trend to sit closest to Mic, who barely twitches at the changed seating configuration. Izuku wonders if the underground hero, rumoured to be in a relationship with the radio host come hero, just wanted to be petty. After all, it was just before Present Mic set out first, that Izuku heard Eraser complaining about having to participate in “the damn thing.”
Either way when Creati and Kacchan- Dynamight, go on stage, they quickly fill the two seats remaining on the table.
Of course that means its his turn to come out on stage. And not being affiliated with any of the schools AND being highest ranked out of the former “Golden Year” student, the organisers suggested Izuku just stand like a dumbass next to the host.
He hated it.
And yet he got to be close with Present Mic.
So he loved it.
“…Hero Deku!!”
Welp.
He took a deep breath, plastered a bright and sunny, very fake smile on his face and walked out on to the stage, immediately waving as he made his way over to the centre with Present Mic, or Hizashi Yamada as Izuku remembered from his deep dive into the famous radio host.
And thats the moment when the ‘without a hitch’ thing falls apart.
.
.
.
Katsuki sat between Aizawa and Yaoyorozu on the stupid ass stage, at this dumb table, in front of all these screaming idiots.
He was secretly pleased as hell to have been called upon, as the number one choice from the former class A. Because they definitely called him first. Obviously. But now as Present Mic babbled on, a sickly little vine grew through his stomach… he knew what was coming. And it wasn’t like Deku didn’t deserve the praise he was about to be showered with… still, he knew those cheers would be louder and despite their long friendship, good working relationship and hell, even feeling proud at how far the dumbass had come… nothing would ever be able to fully remove the cruel, jealous pang that he felt.
“-Hero Deku!”
He bit back a snarl when the room all but erupted. Turning away from the profound adoration that bloomed from the audience, he looked at the nerd approaching.
He had fucking stars in his eyes.
‘Still got a crush on Present Mic then.’
He glanced at Aizawa sitting beside him. His former teacher was looking between the two men stood up and the rowdy crowd.
‘Deku’s choice in men is-‘
Suddenly Katsuki was jostled to the side by Aizawa, pushing him into colliding with Yaoyorozu. Looking up in alarm, he saw the cause of the commotion.
From the mid-left of the room, a man in his early twenties had fired something from a ridiculous, brightly coloured nerf gun. Aizawa was quick to tie Deku and Mic together, yanking them out of harms way.
Katsuki and the others all lurched further out of the way, turning back in time to see that the projectile was a powder laced piece of fabric, which unfortunately became entangled with Aizawa’s capture weapon and ended up coating the three in the mystery substance just off from the centre of the stage.
The whole damn room then erupts in pandemonium.
He, Yaoyorozu, Kendo and Monoma move further away from the small, developing dust cloud with Vlad, while the table on the opposite side reacts similarly.
Fury floods his veins and without a second hesitation, Katsuki dives over the table, blasting his way to the nerf-armed man who promptly squeals and drops like a sack of shit.
Citizens in the room begin fleeing in terror until a very loud, sexual “Fuck” slips out from Present Mic’s lips. At that point, every single person, probably within a fucking mile, stops still.
Immediately following the sensual sounding expletive, Deku fucking whines, high and needy before Aizawa starts sloppily making out with both of them. And its damn near deafening because Present Mic still has his headset on, with Madonna-esque microphone, so the whole room echoes with wet kissing, panting and moaning.
“Oh sweet hell on earth no…” Vlad King looks like a dog who’s involuntarily snarling and shuddering, because someone just presented fresh orange peel just inches away from it’s snout.
Ms Joke, as the name suggests, barks out a single laugh before turning away with a blush, giggling as she moves towards the doors to assist with the mass exodus.
Hell Bass, despite wearing a full face mask, still seems to convey the overwhelming desire to nope the fuck out of the atrium.
Its the boisterous former Shiketsu student Inasa Yoarashi who actually manages to use a brain cell and accordingly screams “Someone think of the children and disconnect him from the speakers!!”
This snapped the other heroes on stage out of their internal spiralling.
Jet, much like his boring and unimaginative hero name, begins soaring around the room, yanking out cables from speakers, but its a horrific task because the whole atrium is rigged up so even people in the other half can listen.
At this point, barely ten seconds after the powder laced projectile was fired, several people are still trying to leave, but many more are now pouring back in towards the stage like filthy degenerates, keen to get a free porn show.
The heroes scramble to get everyone out while Katsuki starts shaking the crook in his hands “What did you fucking do!?! What was on that rag you piece of shit!”
“Yahhhyaaahhhh quirked gahhhh aphrodesiac-aaaaahhhh” the man is slapped with cuffs and hurled unceremoniously onto the floor, so the blond could stomp on him a few times.
Some fucking loser is slowly chuckling while filming the display on the damn stage, until Monoma (and Katsuki had never thought in his life that he’d respect the guy) punched the dude out cold before flipping the two tables and stacking them on each other to form some weak attempt at shielding the trio on stage as they grope and make out.
“Nobody touch them! All three are under the influence of the powder and we don’t know how long the residue will have effect!” Creati shouts as she quickly makes quirk cancelling bracelets to give to the three, but the pauses as she obviously doesn’t want to get too close. So next she makes a large kind of bargepole to pass them on, and thankfully Aizawa is still mentally aware enough to snatch and apply them.
“They need to get behind the partition- Hey put your damn phone away you fucking pervert!- The scandal from this would- Don’t fucking-“ Katsuki leapt forward to pull three people trying to climb onto the stage and all but hurls them across the room.
“I can’t use my wind to move them, we don’t know the impact of the powder being spread like that” Gale force shouts over the still noisy moaning on stage and the excited chatter of the people around the room. The tall brunet holds two adjacent double set of doors closed with his quirk while Yaoyorozu makes a chain to hold them closed against the influx of filthbags, before moving over to assist Vlad doing the same at another entrance.
“I can use the pole I made- ah if only Shinso were here-“ Momo pauses at the gentle rumbling from the other side of the atrium beyond the stage, where Joke, Grand and a few of the others continue to try clear out. “Dynamight, help me coerce them across the stage and back behind the partition!”
The two use the pole, pushing as gently as possible in a sweeping motion.
Despite the care taken, their intervention apparently isn’t appreciated.
Present Mic actually snarls and Katsuki barks into a newly provided megaphone “Aizawa! Unless you want all these hungry wolves gawking at Deku’s pussy and your and Mic’s dicks, snap out of it and get the three of you behind that fucking fake wall!”
A sniff of clarity seems to come over the raven head’s face and Katsuki sags a little with relief.
“Shit!” Aizawa gasps before throwing them both over each shoulder and literally running, albeit awkwardly given the damn weapon of mass destruction tenting his hero suit, through the entrance of the stage ‘room’
“Thank fuck for that” Katsuki rasps before turning around to see people sneaking back in through the east exit, while Vlad and Gale Force valiantly hold a different set of doors at the north exit shut.
He pulls up the megaphone again, “Hey! Get your asses back out before I have you fucking arrested!”
On the other side in the “By Fans, For Fans” zone, its utter chaos, people hiding behind tables hoping to listen to the amorous noises, get sound clips and even in some cases, standing on the tables to look over into the ‘Private stage room’
“I’ve called it in with the event organisers, contacted the police and Midnight is on her way” shouts Kendo “But she’s going to be over half an hour! Dynamight, Phantom Thief, you guard the stage-“
“Don’t boss me around!”
Kendo continued “-Vlad, Creati, work on getting all the doors on both sides of the atrium sealed! Then stand guard on this side.”
“Got it!”
“Gale force work with Grand, move around the whole atrium and get people out then guard the far side doors. Jet how’s-“ Kendo pauses when finally, the speakers all cut out and the extremely loud moaning stops “Right, good… Jet, do you think you, Hell Bass and Gigantouch could get out of the atrium and start getting the rest of the place evacuated so things can calm down? Take the attacker with you, and one of you get more info on this powder.”
“Sure!”
“I’m going to help clean out the far side with Joke and guard the back side of the stage!” Kendo finally stopped calling out orders and took off running.
“Fucks sake… guard the stage?” Katsuki looked to his left to see Monoma equally appalled with the idea.
With a grumble, the two blonds jumped up onto the stage, pulling over chairs to sit on the left and right corners, away from the small sprinkled layer of dust in the centre and away from each other.
“Fuck Zashi, he’s so wet, feel this, fuck-”
Katsuki hissed like an angry cat, glaring back over his shoulder at the paper thin partition just a few feet away “Will you slut bags at least try and stop the filth that’s spewing out of your fucking mouths!”
All three moaned after a beat.
“I can honestly say this is the worst day of my life” Monoma added in the driest tone imaginable.
“The fact that you’re here, enduring this horror too-“ Katsuki said, side eying the other as a small wicked grin lifts his lips “-makes me feel better though.”
“Fuck you, piss face.”
Gradually, the room began to calm down. The number of deplorable civilians milling around the room, smart phones in hand, reduced to zero until finally, the only sound in the room was the slapping of skin on skin and three desperate moans.
Looking to his side, Neito was frowning, glaring in fact, as he hammered his phone screen while playing the drumming game, Taiko no Tatsujin. “What level?” Katsuki shouted to drown out Present Mic crying over how hot Deku’s hole was.
“A Cruel Angel's Thesis”
He walked over, dragging his chair along with him before plonking down at his side “Evangelion fan huh?”
“You knows-“
“Ah AH Sho Zashi! Harder!! AAAH”
Neito and Katsuki almost choked on spit as Deku’s voice rang out even louder.
“Can I borrow your quirk for a minute” Neito reached out towards the bare skin of Katsuki’s upper arm but he swatted it away quickly.
“No deafening yourself.”
“I hate you… wait…” Neito looked down at the set of low speakers on the corner of the stage before hopping off his chair and crouching down to examine the back panel.
Katsuki wondered what the idiot was doing for a minute before it clicked “Momo!!” he bellowed out, purposefully shouting loud to drown out Aizawa’s demonic grunts. “Can you make a 6.3mm to 3.5mm cable and a 3.5 plug adapter to lightning… uh… please?”
Approximately three groans, five moans, one whimpered “please” and one “Oh fuck, he’s sucking me back in” later, and Yaoyorozu handed over the requested cables, so the two blonds grimacing on the stage could connect Neito’s phone to the speaker and finally-
“Oh thank god” Neito sighed as the game music blared out. “-no offence to your friend back there but I really didn’t want to hear Hero Deku getting double teamed by our former teachers today.”
“Yeah no shit… hey, gimme, let me play Guren no Yumiya” Katsuki made grabby hands, scooting his chair closer to the speaker to make sure the cable reached.
“Attack on Titan though? So grim…”
“Hell yeah, look assface, if you don’t have a fucking crush on Captain Levi, you can’t call yourself gay.”
“Hmmm good point” Neito nodded knowingly, handing his phone over.
As time went on, the two blond’s played the game, in peace. Every time a song ended, they would mute the phone to check that the horror show was indeed still occurring. Eventually though, the noises from behind the faux walls built up to a crescendo, just loud enough that the phone had to be turned up a notch. When the song ended and the phone was muted… silence fell upon the stage.
“… hey…. Is it just me or does it seem like they uh… finished…”
Katsuki frowned. Neito was right. He turned around on the stage and stared at the partition. The toxic dust was still sprayed like a sprinkling of light snow in the centre, tables remained on their side, the barge pole used and discarded... all lying there unmoving in the still quiet of the room.
“Do you think they had a heart attack?”
Panic lanced his chest as his head whipped around to stare at Neito. “Fuck… you should go look!”
“ME?! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME!?” Neito screeched while simultaneously making no move to do such a thing. And to be honest, Katsuki didn’t blame him. The thought of seeing three, cum stained corpses wouldn’t be pleasant at the best of times… but with one of them being Deku… two other, his former teachers whom he respected…
‘Damn if they went out like this… I should have killed that guy...’
Before either decided to do anything, Vlad called out from his position next to the east door as he began to unlock it “Ah finally!”
Katsuki and Neito turned their full attention to the door, was it the ambulance? Midnight?
…“All Might?!” “HAH?!”
“I am here!!!… With news about the quirk powder! And a doctor to check the victims!… And a large blanket… and uh my car, to take the ahem… involved parties somewhere safe and private!”