Archive of Our Own

Kieran hadn't really expected himself to enjoy battling Florian again. After everything that’d happened in Area Zero, he'd taken a break from battling entirely for two weeks to rest and recuperate– he couldn't bear avoiding the pastime any longer than that, evidently. His mindset on the matter had altered slightly in that short time; he wanted to battle for fun, for the thrill of it, not for victory. He'd taken too much out on himself the past few months, he probably deserved a break… even if he felt that it was counterproductive sometimes. 

He needed to earn his forgiveness, right? He couldn't go charging in again and mess up like he always did.

Although, in a strange occurrence, the battle was actually… invigorating. He didn't win– of course he didn't– but he didn't feel bad about the loss. He had genuinely enjoyed the battle. Returning to the league club room wasn't a shameful crawl filled with a scowl and angrily racing thoughts; it was normal. Happy, even. Florian, walking beside him and touching on how exceptional one of Kieran’s new strategies had been, seemed happy too.

Of course he's happy. He won. He doesn't even have a competitive team, and he still won. He's better than you, remember?

Kieran pushed the thoughts aside, his mood souring a little. He'd tried to let go of those kinds of feelings, of the inadequacy he felt every time he merely even glanced at Florian, but it seemed impossible to let go of that slight resentment.

He was trying, that's what always counts, right?

As they finally entered the league club room, Florian went straight over to the PC; likely giving away some Blueberry Points to people in need, as he often did. He was still prattling on about the battle, saying how close it was and how he'd been backed into a corner.

No you weren't, Kieran’s mind began stirring again, that weird Suicune-kaiju-looking-thing had my whole team in a chokehold.  

He exhaled out his vexation, but tried to keep it muted. Florian's just being nice, stop thinking such awful things.

Kieran strolled up to the table and leaned on the edge of it, sighing again and inhaling deeply. His eyes moved around the room, taking in the environment to qualm his spinning thoughts. 

The way Florian had decorated the room– a privilege that club presidents always held– was fancy, dark and gothic. Despite Florian's outward sweetness, he seemed to have a flair for the cryptic and the creepy; his battle-ready pokémon reflected that, each of them looking frightening in one way or another. He had very few he used for battle that were cute and cuddly; only his Dachsbun, Jolteon, and his pink-and-white shiny Furret came to mind.

The walls were purple, drapes of the same coloration tied up above old paintings that lined the room. A cabinet filled with odd little artifacts and fancy fine china sat at the opposite wall. In one corner of the room was a whiteboard with markers magnetised to the side of it, as well as a towering bookcase filled with numerous thick guidebooks to various battle strategies and abilities; Kieran's personal battle-prep area, which had grown dusty in its recent disuse. The rest of the walls were lined with comfortable, velvet-cushioned furniture that matched the walls in color, one of which was currently the bed of a sleeping Zorua. A clothed table sat in the centre of the room, more books sitting upon it while a pile of Sinistea slept beside them, a vase containing a flower and softly-glowing candles bundled in the centre.

As Kieran inhaled again deeply through his nose, he noticed the subtle aroma coming from said candles; a sweet scent he couldn't quite place, but that was dearly familiar to him. 

While the candles in the room had to be replaced often, only the ones sat on the table were real. The others were electric, containing small bulbs. The ones on the table were simply decorative additions and didn't last, so they'd needed changing every few days; Florian had clearly opted for scented ones this time. Thankfully for Kieran, they weren't too strong… he couldn't handle strong smells. No matter what, he'd always get a headache bordering on a migraine that just wouldn't go away no matter what he'd try. 

Perhaps Florian was the same, or perhaps Carmine had simply told him about the issue, so he'd taken extra measures to ensure the room setup he'd chosen was comfortable for all.

His thoughts seemed to be calmer now, so he finally spoke up after remaining silent for presumably too long since the battle. 

“The candles smell nice,” he gestured towards them as Florian turned to face him, “what kind are they? They remind me of somethin’.”

“Oh! They're caramel apple scented. I managed to find them in a home store near the Castelia City airport, but they were the last ones left. I got lucky!” Florian grinned, coming up beside Kieran and leaning against the table beside him. Kieran hummed, inhaling the scent again.

Candy apples… just like… at the festival! 

Kieran hadn't reminisced on that time much. You'd be fooled into thinking otherwise, however, Kieran hadn't thought of that time fondly in a while.

It was where his spiral had begun, after all.

But the festival itself… meeting Florian, simply spending that time with him, getting to know him and to finally enjoy his region’s culture with someone other than his sister– even if the festival was based on a story that was a load of Tauroshit– it had meant a lot to him. The memory had remained tainted for a while, but now? He regarded it fondly.

It was in the way Florian had smiled at him, asked him questions, listened to him ramble about old local legends without ever looking like he was bored and denying he could be at all when Kieran would get paranoid about it. It was in the way he laughed, the way he spoke, it was in every little thing Florian did.

Kieran had known for the very first time, while at that festival; he'd known he had feelings for the other boy. Surely he had to when he'd never felt this way towards his peers in the past. He'd held back, though; kept it quiet, for they'd only just met and his trust levels were uncertain.

Then, they were shattered the moment Florian withheld information from him. Lied to him. It put an unpleasant taste in his mouth to remember. 

Now, it was different. Things were easier. Better. Florian wouldn't hurt him, he knew that deep down despite his anxiety around the subject. He'd already decided to confess a few days ago, the moment his heart began pounding over the mere sight of Florian again. 

He knew how to, as well. It was perfect. It was sweet. And it involved a small, apple-like pokémon that Kieran already owned a fair few of in his boxes; the folklore of which, in Galar at least– where Florian had moved to Paldea from– involved confessions.

If he gave Florian an Applin, it would be his confession of his undying feelings towards him. It would finally tell him of his yearning, of his desire, everything. 

It was simple. 

And yet, Kieran had been holding it off. 

He was paranoid that this could be too soon. He was worried that Florian would be uncomfortable, freaked out, that maybe they'd never speak again. It was deluded to think so, surely, when Florian was as kind as he was? Would he not just say ‘sorry, I'm not interested’ and move on?

How could he know that for sure? Yes, Florian was sweet, but Kieran also had to remember how much he'd messed up in the past.

“Hey..? Earth to Kieran?” Kieran was shaken from his thoughts by Florian's voice, calm yet filled with trepidation as if something bad could happen. Kieran nodded slowly in reassurance, forcing a smile.

“Sorry Florian, I was just thinkin’ ‘bout somethin’.”

“You seemed pretty lost in thought, whatever it was. Welcome back to planet earth, compañero!”

Kieran chuckled. Although Florian was Galarian in accent, his family were originally Paldean, so it made sense that since moving there he'd picked up the language; however, his Paldean accent was… lacking, to say the least. It was sometimes entertaining, but when he'd get it right, he felt a strange sense within him– a good one. Compañero was one of few words Florian managed to say correctly, and it made him smile. 

“It was nothin’ too serious. Just battle stuff.”

“Oh, okay! Taking notes, eh?”

“Guess you could say that.” Kieran nodded. It fell quiet for a few moments, besides the sound of the Zorua nearby turning over and letting out a small, tired grumble. The atmosphere of the room was a lot more relaxed than it had been minutes prior, Kieran letting his mind rest for a while. He didn't need to overthink anything.

“Kiers… I was wondering something, actually.” Florian stood up straight, looking down upon Kieran with curiosity. “You said the other day that you wanted to ask me something in a little while, that it was really important or something? But then… You never did.” He anxiously played with his hands. 

Kieran's eyes scanned him, then he swallowed nervously. He steeled himself, standing up straight for a moment before deciding to simply relax and rest his hand on his hip. Gotta be cool about this, not freak out. 

“Ah, right– I do have a favour I wanna ask you…” Kieran found his voice catching in his throat as Florian simply stared at him in question. He didn't want to interrupt him, of course. But a scared part of Kieran hoped maybe someone would walk in right now, forcing this conversation to end. He didn't want to put this off any longer, though; and so, a braver part of him made him take a deep breath.

“If it's all right, do you wanna, um…” Kieran bit down on his lip as he paused. Spit it out. “Do you wanna trade pokémon with me?” He breathed out, his gaze avoiding Florian while taking subtle glances to see his reaction. Florian seemed pleasantly surprised, his lips upturning in a smile.

“Absolutely! I actually… I really wanted to ask you the same thing!”

Kieran felt his cheeks grow warm. 

“O-Oh! Wowzers, what a… what a coincidence.” He let out a nervous laugh, unzipping the bag on his waist and shoving a hand into it to pull out the poké ball containing the small friend. He was starting to sweat and tremble slightly, something he hoped and prayed Florian wouldn't notice.

“That is a pretty funny coincidence, hm?” Florian chuckled, placing the bag strapped to his back onto the table and rummaging around. “Let's see here, uhh… Ah! This one.” Florian held a safari ball, a relatively rare poké ball people tended to use while on safari trips. They were sometimes given away as part of completing a specific amount of volumes in the pokédex app, apparently… Kieran didn't have a phone, but he knew people that did who'd received such mail items from doing so.

You wouldn't normally get many of those rewards, though; so this pokémon had to have been special to have been caught specially in one of those balls, right?

Or, he was overthinking this.

He clutched at the red and white ball in his gloved hand nervously, his tremor hopefully hidden as he gently rocked the arm back and forth in place. He was still ever-so-nervous about this, but he didn't want to back down. Not again. Never again. He held out the ball, gently taking the one Florian held out and rubbing his thumb along the release button. He wanted to be polite, waiting for Florian to move first. 

Florian released the pokémon, the ball flashing and setting the creature upon the table. The small Applin trilled softly, smiling up at its new trainer. Florian seemed stunned into silence for a moment, then he laughed and picked the small pokémon up.

“Oh, he's adorable! Thank you! I'll take good care of this little fella.”

“You'll train him into a super-strong pokémon, right, Flore?” Kieran chuckled nervously. “I can't wait to see what you'll do.”

“Same with–” Florian frowned. “Oh, you haven't…”

“O-Oh! Right!” Kieran mentally slapped himself across the face as he hastily pressed down on the release, setting free the pokémon within. No sooner than the flash of light faded, a warmth rose in his cheeks and his heart skipped a beat, or several. 

Oh.

Not only was it an Applin… but it was green. A shiny pokémon. 

Kieran instinctively reached for the strands of hair hanging down in front of his face, playing with the ends gently to keep himself focused. He tried to look at Florian, but found his gaze was shifty again as his nervousness kicked in. “That's really, ah, sweet, Florian. I-I’ll take real good care of your Applin too, don't you worry! She's in good hands!” He rubbed the apple-shell of the creature, which happily purred softly at the touch. “Uhm… Thanks, for trading with me!” 

Kieran was panicking, slightly. He was finding it hard to rationalise why Florian would not only gift him an Applin, but also one that was shiny. Was it simply a thank you? A confession, similarly to his? 

Although, Florian hadn't said anything about it. He'd taken it as if it were any old pokémon being traded. It wasn't as special as he'd thought.

Maybe he didn't even know the significance.

The thought made Kieran's heart ache, and suddenly made his eyes sting. No no, not here. He inhaled, counting to five in his head before turning back to Florian and forcing a smile. He returned the green Applin to its ball, putting it away in his waist bag and shoving his hands into his pockets.

“I'm sorry I uh, I forgot I have a class… right now!” He was lying. He hated lying, especially after how much he'd been lied to in his life. He knew all too well how awful it felt to be lied to. But… he needed to get away.

“I thought you were free all afternoon?!”

“N-Nope! It must've slipped my mind, I'm so sorry… I'll get back to you later, okay? Bye..!!” Kieran didn't waste time leaving, rushing through doors along the white-and-blue Academy halls. He kept going until he was in the student wing, hurrying down a hallway and unlocking his room faster than he ever had before. 

Once the door was firmly locked behind him, Kieran threw off his jacket and waist bag and collapsed on the bed face-first, screaming into the pillow with an anguished cry.

He'd blown it, just like he always did.

Florian didn't even react. At least, not in the way Kieran had hoped. Kieran didn't know how to even word a confession. The Applin was supposed to do the ‘talking’ for him!

Kieran felt like an idiot. 

Why can't I just talk to him?

He slowly pushed himself up, lazily pulling his bag over and taking out one of the pokéballs. He pressed the release, setting Furret free in his room; while he loved all of his pokémon, Furret was always able to comfort him best. He laid on his back, letting the pokémon come over to him and rest itself at his side. Furret plopped his head onto Kieran's chest, purring softly. Kieran placed his hand atop his head, gently scratching behind his ears.

“I'm okay, buddy. I just feel like a real idiot.” Furret licked his hand in response, causing him to laugh. “I know, I know you don't agree. It's just… I can't seem to tell Florian how I feel without messin’ stuff up more. I thought he'd get it if I gave him an Applin, but… he didn't even say anythin’.”

Furret cuddled closer to his body, nuzzling his hand gently. Kieran used both hands now to pamper the Furret’s head. 

“Geez… What if he thinks I only gave him that ‘cause I was IV breedin’?” Kieran swallowed thickly. “That's probably it. Or he thinks I just like Applins and wouldn't know the lore cause I'm not Galarian…” One of his hands slapped his face. “I wish I knew what he was thinkin’...”

Furret squeaked, shifting closer and burying his head under Kieran's chin. He chuckled, rubbing the pokémon’s back and sighing.

“Maybe I gotta be clearer ‘bout it, y’know? If… if I can't say it, I should just show it. Show it more.” Kieran slowly grinned to himself. “Right, that's it!”

He sat up, surprising the Furret that rolled off of him and growled slightly at the movement. Kieran muttered an apology and kept petting the spoilt, soft pokémon.

“I got a bunch’a Applin in boxes, and I somehow manage to find more eggs for ‘em all the time. I should keep giving him Applins. That'll make the message loud ‘n clear, won't it, Furret?”

Furret purred, tilting his head. Kieran waved his hand.

“C'mon, it's gotta work. Plus, maybe he'll think it's super-duper sweet…” Kieran blushed slightly, giggling to himself. “Or, am I just bein’ silly now?”

Furret shook his head, barrelling into Kieran's stomach and rolling over in hopes of receiving belly rubs. Kieran found his wide smile and laugh returning as he scratched the pokémon’s tummy, his anxiety easing away. Although he was still upset about the initial reaction to the trade not being what he'd hoped, part of him was also hopeful.

Besides, maybe today wasn't the right time to confess. Maybe it'd be best to wait.

Maybe the new plan was worth a shot.

Almost two months had passed since Florian's exchange program to Blueberry Academy had begun; although he was originally supposed to spend only a month there, the time had been extended by Florian's own request. It was now six months, and could even be extended to twelve if he worked hard and asked politely enough.

Of course, he did still visit Paldea on his breaks to visit friends and his mom, but a large amount of his time was spent at Blueberry Academy or in Castelia City, the closest place to the Academy on the mainland of Unova. 

The change of plans had only come when Florian realised he could explore so much more this way, and find so many new, interesting pokémon. It was his first few steps into really studying pokémon ecology and zoology– even if this Academy was rather more focused on battling, competitively at that, it had just as many opportunities for studying the creatures themselves, too!

After everything at Area Zero– and especially after returning there, more than once– Florian had thrown himself into studying pokémon. At first, perhaps, he'd just wanted to focus on something other than Area Zero, other than the blindingly bright crystals that didn't seem to leave his mind and the various strange, alternate-world pokémon that roamed those depths. Perhaps focusing on the here and now, and not something regarded by most as a simple battle gimmick, gave him reason to move on.

He wasn't sure about his sister, Juliana. She had taken the very same steps as him with the Academy, extending her stay and excelling classes, director Cyrano joking often that she should stay at the school for the long run. Juliana, however, wasn't like Florian; she was a competitive battler, and was excelling where Florian had been lacking. He was always behind her, always focusing on a different aspect of the world to her. He simply wasn't competitive, and that was okay; although, slightly useless in a school like this.

She would never even shy away from terastalising her pokémon, which he did. He saved that for only when he was in a pinch, now. 

Using his tera orb made him feel… Off. Overexposure, possibly? But then, Juliana had been by his side every time they'd gone down to Area Zero, so wouldn't she be the same? He had no real idea, but didn't wish to press into questions he didn't rightly feel he needed answers to. The frequent nightmares he had about the underdepths stopped him from questioning anything much further. 

How many times had he awoken in a cold sweat? He'd lost count. 

How many of those times had he run to Kieran's room, likely waking him up for a talk?

Kieran would always look at him with an exhausted, but worried expression. A number of the times he'd been invited in, for a talk, or for comfort, anything Kieran could offer (although he'd insist he couldn't do much, he was always a great help). A number of times now, Florian had stayed in his room, curled up on spare bedding on the floor.

Looking back, it was embarrassing. Kieran must have felt so awful, or weirded out; but it helped Florian feel safer to have him there. Then, if he'd wake and worry, he could see Kieran softly sleeping only a metre away from him.

He probably wouldn't even blame him for being anxious. Kieran had left the underdepths with a fractured wrist, tiny glass-like crystals digging into the skin on his shoulder and into his cheek, and a whole boatload of new trauma to get into. With how quickly he'd asked Florian for forgiveness, and how quickly he'd forgiven him, it was obvious to everyone that they'd realised life was too short.

Both of them had almost died down there. If not for Florian's actions Kieran would've… He didn't like to think it.

All of these thoughts were swirling in Florian's mind while he was in class, supposed to be listening to a lecture; however, the lecture was about terastalising, and about stellar tera type specifically. Florian had actively avoided wild tera pokémon since the underdepths incident, and had only used Terapagos in battle sparingly to ensure it would get to use its energy somewhere without harming anyone, or himself. At this point he had no interest in that specific tera type.

Kieran looked distant beside him, too. Florian had moved to sit next to him two weeks after the incident, and they'd always worked together in this class ever since. They'd never distract each other; they were a well oiled machine! It was exceptionally beneficial for Florian's work, his knowledge of competitive battle rising as Kieran would teach him specialist tactics, give him TMs and help him train.

If Florian didn't understand something in class, Kieran would help him with the work and then promise to give him an extra lesson later that afternoon. He didn't need to do that, but he always did, politely asking with a smile if he wanted to ‘study with me later?’.

Now, Florian knew how to train his pokémon to be ready for anything, and it was incredibly beneficial– even if he wasn't going into the battling field. It still taught him so much about pokémon that maybe he would've never known otherwise.

The subtle brushing of a hand beside Florian's own brought him back down to earth, his eyes focusing on Kieran's pale hand before it slid out of view. He eyed Kieran's face, which looked mildly anxious.

“Are you alright?” His voice was a soft whisper, golden eyes fixating on Florian's reddish-browns as if he could see right through him, as if he knew the answer was a hard no. Florian nodded his head despite that, swallowing his anxiety.

“Yeah. It's just hard to listen to this.” He kept his voice at a whisper too, wary of alerting the teacher or distracting someone else. His eyes trailed Kieran's cheek, which still remained scarred from the tera crystals that had been embedded within it. Florian wanted nothing more than to trace his finger along the scars, but doing that in class– or at all, even– would be weird, so he held back. Although he was an affectionate person when it came to his close friends, maybe Kieran wouldn't be the most comfortable with the idea.

“I know.” Kieran's voice was still soft, although he seemingly noticed how Florian's eyes trailed along his face. “How ‘bout we study together again tonight? It'll be fun, just us.” 

Florian nodded, smiling. He'd take studying with Kieran over class any day; he felt like maybe he learned more with him than anyone else, even teachers. 

He spent much of that class simply doodling, idly glancing up at Kieran every few moments… he was trying hard not to, because it was probably weird to keep looking at someone like that, wasn't it? But Florian didn't really… have a filter for these kinds of things. He'd just speak his thoughts or make his feelings clear to people immediately. 

Kieran was different, though.

That filter had seemingly crept in around him; it made Florian tiptoe around the truth, around his true feelings. Perhaps it was due to past events making him uncertain of how Kieran even felt towards him, or perhaps it was a guilty conscience. 

So many times, he could tell Kieran felt inadequate around him. He'd always try to prove something, to prove he had changed or prove he could be trusted, do anything in his power to get Florian to look at him. He could tell. 

Kieran felt guilty too. It was obvious.

That shared guilt never seemed to pass; they'd both apologise too much, get nervous too often, and… Kieran had started a strange new habit of wanting to trade pokémon with him all the time. It wasn't like he didn't appreciate it, trading pokémon was fun, but he was starting to send Kieran some of his lesser-loved pokémon– that being, freshly caught wild pokémon– which made the ordeal feel all the less special. Kieran, however, had opted to only give him one thing.

Applins.

There was a joke to make somewhere here about an Applin a day, but Florian never thought too much of it. He'd always assumed after the initial trade that Kieran just had a surplus of them he'd accidentally acquired while masuda breeding, or from individual value breeding. He'd taught him about those things fairly recently, a way to breed for shiny pokémon and a way to breed for higher stats on a pokémon; maybe he wasn't permitted to release Applins in the terarium, or even in Unova, so he was giving them all to Florian for safekeeping since he liked pokémon and studied them.

But now, his own boxes were filling up with Applins, and… surely there was a better way of handling this issue? 

Either way, Florian was finding it hard to hide how his heart skipped a few beats every time Kieran would gift him one. How he'd have to hide his face on more than one occasion and hope he hadn't noticed. That old story of giving an Applin to confess your adoration always played on his mind, becoming especially the case when the internet had decided to make it a hip new trend for a month or two and he was consistently reminded of it.

And it was no secret, at least to himself, that he did like Kieran. He liked him in that way. At least, he liked him more than his other friends, and surely that meant something? The shiny Applin he'd given Kieran had been decidedly, especially hunted for the occasion; an apology, and a confession. He'd simply assumed Kieran would know of the story. But then, when he'd given him the shiny pokémon and Kieran had swiftly left for class without saying a word, Florian's heart had sank.

He'd assumed too much. If Kieran knew the tale at all, why would he give Florian an applin too and say nothing?

Just because someone is interested in pokémon legends doesn't mean they know everything, you idiot! Kieran just likes Applins, and he's doing this out of guilt for what happened. He feels bad and maybe giving gifts is his way of showing he cares?

Although, when he'd find a new Applin in his schoolbag, or an Applin left on the desk of his dorm room (how had he even gotten in without a key?!) , he couldn't help feeling warm. One time, Kieran had shoved a poké ball right to Florian's chest and smiled, with the sweetness of an Alcremie, and told him "It's a gift this time! No need to give anythin’ in return.” Florian to find a shiny inside. Things like that… they made his heart yearn for more.

Not more Applins. But more of Kie–

Arceus, he just wanted to slap himself and forget he ever had feelings. Maybe it'd be for the best. It could easily be guilt making him feel like this, couldn't it? He had to slow down.

“Florian..? Hello?”

“Huh?” Florian snapped out of his head, staring blankly at Kieran. He still looked concerned.

“The bell just went and everyone left already. I thought you fell asleep with your eyes open, or somethin’...”

“Oh!” Florian's face heated up, his legs working to get him out of the seat as quickly as possible. “Right, yes, sorry. I'm okay.”

“You'd better be.” He heard Kieran huff under his breath from behind him, something that he probably wasn't meant to have heard. He ignored it, leading the way out of class and towards the terarium.

This is where training would begin.

‘Studying’ with Florian was perhaps Kieran's new favourite thing to do at Blueberry Academy. Their study sessions did involve some learning, yes, but it mostly also involved them just chatting away. They'd have their pokémon battle, Kieran would teach Florian the uses of certain held items and how some of them could even improve a pokémon’s stats over time, maybe they'd battle again… but most of it was spent having a picnic. Florian would make a sandwich and they'd feed the pokémon, especially his giant, red, rowdy partner, they'd eat for themselves, then just… talk. Enjoy each other's company.

Something great that came out of it, though, was that it eased Kieran's feelings of inadequacy. He could see, in these sessions, that Florian really wasn't perfect.

He always showed his imperfections; how he was actually terrible at catching pokémon, despite being a dex completionist. He'd fail so many times, stumble and fall over, throw the ball poorly, and his face would always get so worked up and annoyed. It was kind of cute, but you wouldn't find him saying that out loud.

Florian was also, evidently, not great at competitive pokémon battling. Maybe, Kieran could admit, he'd only lost by a sliver every time he'd lost against Florian. It was just that he didn't believe himself worthy of that title– of being better than Florian in any way.

But perhaps being better wasn't important.

Even right now, as Florian dropped several ingredients of his sandwich all over the sandy floor of the savannah biome and he yelled a curse word in annoyance of wasting ingredients, the thought of being better slipped away. 

Florian was simply Florian. It was just the way he was that made him so easy to talk to, to befriend. Maybe that's how he managed to befriend Ogerpon so easily; not because he was more important, or stronger.

But because he was Florian. Trustworthy, kind hearted, sweet, inviting, amazing Florian.  

Perhaps he did still talk Florian up a lot, but how could he not? 

He's kind, he's sweet, he's so extremely caring for others that he'd go to great lengths to help people he barely knew. He was always so considerate of Kieran's feelings. He was extremely affectionate towards his pokémon, always cuddling them and petting them, but when it came to humans he wouldn't let most touch him.

Only his friends from Paldea; one who'd Ursaring-hug him, another who'd pull him around like an excited Rockruff, and one who'd often pat his back shyly in a similarly touch-averse, socially anxious way.

Oh, and him, he supposed.

Florian didn't seem to mind when Kieran instinctively grabbed for his hand back when his entire village was being mind controlled by Pecharunt. He didn't mind when Kieran would lean over on him in class when they'd simply watch something based on what they were studying, or when he was having a tired day from sleep deprivation. He didn't mind when he'd come to his room at night to talk to him when he couldn't sleep.

Kieran didn't mind either, despite people touching him being a surefire way for him to set his Hydrapple on them. Oh no, he hated touch; and yet, he'd let Florian do anything.

He let that thought simmer as he gently zipped up Florian's bag, having placed another one of his gifts inside. 

Maybe he needed to finally say something out loud.

Maybe, he would.

But that could wait. Florian had more important things to do right now, anyway… and Kieran wanted to keep his mind off of the subject discussed in class earlier.

And so, they trained until darkness began to fall across the terarium, until they went back to their respective rooms after muttering a goodnight. They'd stayed out rather late, but Kieran hadn't minded; these sessions were valuable to him just as much as they were to Florian.

It wasn't like it was an ulterior motive, he just… enjoyed his company. A lot. 

Feelings could wait. He had to let them naturally ease out of his mind before he went to sleep, one hand scratching the head of Furret and another curled around a plush Dachsbun Florian had won at a fair in Castelia City a few weeks ago. 

Kieran wasn't sure how long he'd slept, but he awoke to the shrill, scared cry of Furret and constant, heavy pounding at his door. He was quick to get up, Dragonite's pokéball scooped off of his desk and ready in-hand to fight off an attacker, but… when he'd opened the door, Florian was standing there in tears. He was in a panicked state, his eyes wide with terror, breath quick and unsteady.

Kieran immediately took his hand, dragging him into the room and pushing him to sit on the bed. As he turned to close the door, he glanced at the clock; 4AM. Kieran was back at Florian's side within seconds, sitting beside him and taking hold of his hand again.

“It's okay, Florian, just breathe… like you taught me, okay?” He pushed Florian's hand to his own chest, ignoring the butterflies it gave him as he breathed in and out slowly. “Like this.”

Florian nodded rapidly, closing his eyes and focusing on Kieran's breathing. It took a few minutes of in for four, hold it, out for four for Florian to breathe easily again. Furret had rested himself on Florian, curling up on his lap; Florian's free hand gently petted the back of the pokémon. Kieran was keeping a calm front for him all the while, but he was petrified, really. Why would he have come running to him like this?! Was he in any danger? Did somebody upset him? 

He'd come to him at night many times in the past, but not like this.

“I'm so sorry. I had to check if you were still here. Still alive.” Florian had muttered the words so softly that Kieran wondered if he'd possibly been hearing things. Why would Florian think he was dead?

“Of course I am… Why wouldn't I be?!”

“I dreamt about it… About Terapagos. The underdepths. It was like a memory, but I moved too late and you…” Oh. That would be why. Kieran had similar dreams, an inevitability in the aftermath of those events. “I'm so stupid, I'm sorry. I know it's not real. It just felt real and I got scared. I'm sorry.” Florian exhaled heavily. Kieran shook his head.

“Hey… You ain't stupid. It messed you up. It messed us both up.” Kieran ran a hand over his face, feeling the rough skin from those tera shard scars. “I feel it too, sometimes. And it's okay… It's okay to feel bad.” Kieran took hold of both of Florian's hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. “It's okay. And you can stay, i-if you want.” The question naturally rolled off of his tongue, his usual hesitance to ask such a question disappearing. 

He laid back on his bed, then gestured for Florian to do the same. There wasn't much space on the single mattress, but the closeness of their bodies would probably make Florian feel like yes, he was really here and everything will be okay.

He hoped so, anyway, or Kieran's scarlet blushing– which he hoped the darkness hid away– would've all been for nothing.

“Thank you.” Florian sighed, relaxing beside him. Furret now decided to cosy up in the small space left between them, letting out a tiny squeak of annoyance at being disturbed.

It remained still and quiet like that for a while. Kieran had almost fallen asleep despite his heavily beating heart; but then, Florian had rolled onto his side and started looking at him. Kieran carefully did the same, giving him a curious, questioning stare. Florian's own stare was soft, tired, and caring. It was normally a face he'd give when apologising.

“I'm sorry for intruding like–”

“You're not, it's okay. I'd let you do this any day if it means you're feelin’ safe.” Kieran's hand brushed against Florian's, and his words caught in his throat. No, no, stop. “I'd let you do anythin’ if it helps you feel better.”

“Is it okay if we hug, then…?” Florian's voice was barely above a whisper, and came out sounding shyer than usual. He was probably embarrassed about all of this, but Kieran would never make him feel bad. He hoped Florian knew that.

“Mm, yeah. That's okay.” Kieran shuffled slightly closer, holding onto the other boy ever-so-gently. Despite Kieran being shorter, Florian had placed himself lower on the bed; now, his head was resting against Kieran's chest.

He hoped he wouldn't take note of how fast his heart was beating. 

“How's about… I tell you about a legend? Should put you to sleep, I think.” Kieran chuckled, keeping his voice hushed. He felt Florian nod against him. “Okay.”

Rain began to softly patter at the window as he began briefly telling the story, a sound that seemed to relax Florian even more as he felt the trembling slow to a stop. That, or it was the story itself. Kieran kept talking, absentmindedly playing with some of his hair as he did so… and he felt Florian's breathing slow down even more, his demeanour altogether far more relaxed and at ease.

“Florian..?” He kept his voice low enough that it wouldn't wake him, if he was indeed asleep. Florian didn't answer, so he sighed tiredly and closed his own eyes. His hand was tangled amongst Florian's curls, still playing around with the soft hair despite Kieran telling himself he should've stopped. He let himself do it, very gently so the boy wouldn't be awoken. 

Maybe he didn't have the heart to tell him yet, but the calmness of resting together like this made him yearn. He was strangely comfortable with this, despite the reaction he'd expect being pure panic. While his heart rate had risen a few times, his cheeks flushed pink several also, now he felt calm. It felt right. 

And of course, Florian was comfortable. He was sound asleep against him. 

That was more important to Kieran than anything right now, and he'd make sure Florian could always come to him like this when he needed to.

With a soft sigh, he rested his head upon Florian's and let himself drift off to sleep.

The boys had gotten lucky that the following day was a Saturday, meaning they didn't have to rush off to class– or go to class at all. It was a free day.

Which was perfect, because it's not every day you wake up tangled to your best-friend-slash-crush and find yourself having to carefully move away before he wakes up.

Kieran couldn't really remove the arms around Florian and move away, though; Florian was currently keeping him trapped in his vice-grip-cuddle. It wasn't like he'd complain, but he did feel… Very strange. His heart was pounding all over again.

When Florian had woken up and swiftly muttered an apology, removing his arms, maybe Kieran missed the gentle contact. Maybe he wanted more of it, to place his hand back on Florian's head and silently play with his hair. But wordlessly Florian got up, muttered a small thank you, then left the room to go back to his own.

Kieran had made a start on his morning routine, finishing it off by tidying up his hair and running one hand up through it with a sigh. 

His feelings were fatal.

He'd knocked at Florian's door not long after finishing the routine, anxiously standing there and avoiding the other's gaze when it opened. Maybe I messed up, Kieran assumed prematurely. But then, he was asking him if he'd like to just explore the terarium today, take it easy after the incident last night, and Florian was nodding with a contented smile.

That was how they'd ended up in the coastal biome just about an hour after waking up, laying on towels on the sand while their pokémon collectively relaxed or played nearby. Kieran had been right to assume he needed the day to rest; despite the previous night, Florian's mind still seemed off. Kieran could tell by the way he stared off into the distance, the way he looked up at the glistening ball filled with tera crystals high above in the dome with a face full of some anxiety-filled emotions that would take a while to unpack.

Kieran could sense his restless energy, and he wouldn't stand for it. Florian needed to rest. So he sat up with his hands behind him, gently tapping on the sand.

“It's real nice here, right? The unnatural sunlight, the man-made lake with a wave machine under it?” He gave a comedic edge to his voice, hoping Florian would perk up. The boy sighed, sitting up and chuckling softly. Bingo.

“I suppose so. But I don't think I want it to be so quiet.”

“That's okay. I'm not a fan either.” Kieran sat up fully, criss-crossing his legs and leaning forward. “Maybe we should play with the pokémon, or…” He hummed. He wanted to battle, really; and Florian could probably see that fighting spirit in his eyes. But yet, he didn't speak a word of battling. He was putting it aside for Florian's sake. But what if he didn't want that? What if he wanted to battle too? Kieran just didn't think it to be a good idea after the nightmare incident.

Or, maybe he was being an idiot again.

A subtle sound and Florian turning to his right made Kieran lift his head curiously. Ogerpon was there, hiding behind him but holding out something small.

“Oh..? What's this?” Florian's voice was hushed, as if Kieran knowing too much would hurt him. Maybe it would. Regardless, he craned his neck to see what was going on.

“Pon, pon!” Ogerpon placed the item in Florian's hand; it was a persim berry, which she'd probably found on the floor while running around.

“Oh, thank you! I'll put this in my-”

“Pomni!” Ogerpon shook her head, pointing at the small red fruit then at Kieran before shying away. Kieran swiftly sat back up to seem disinterested before Florian would notice his curiosity, focusing instead on the sand below. Florian hummed, and the next thing Kieran knew, his hand was held out in front of him.

“I think she wants you to have this.” 

“What?!” Kieran nearly fell back. Why would Ogerpon, after everything, give him something? Was it supposed to be a joke? Persim berries cure confusion, after all, and he was nothing but confused right now when it came to Florian. “Why?”

“I think it's a peace offering.” Florian chuckled, handing the fruit to Kieran who stared at it with a raised eyebrow. He softly shook his head.

“She still looks pretty scared, to me.”

“She's just a little nervous. She knows you won't hurt her because… I tell her about you a lot. About how kind you are, and how much you help me. Like last night.” Florian muttered, playing with his sleeve. Kieran felt his face heat up, and hoped he could blame it on the heat of the tropical biome if questioned. “And I told her about how you gift me, um, Applins, a lot. I suppose maybe a persim berry is close enough to that, so she wanted to do the same for you…?”

Aww. Kieran resisted the urge to say it out loud, but didn't resist his growing smile. 

“That's very sweet. Uhh– thank you, Ogerpon.”

“Pon!” Ogerpon grinned, showing her tiny fangs, then ran off to go play with the other pokémon again. Kieran stared at the berry, then wrapped his fist around it carefully. A gift from Ogerpon. That was the least he'd expected today.

“Speaking of that…” Florian muttered, getting up and dusting himself off, “How about we have some breakfast? I'm thinking we could have some pancakes and fruit… I bought some batter for them from the school shop a while ago but I haven't used it yet.”

“Oh! That'd be just great, Flore!” Kieran stood up and jogged over to the table that'd been set up an hour prior, drumming his fingers on the edge of it as Florian started up the small camping stove. “Need me to do anythin’?” He was feeling helpful today, and especially so with Florian needing to take a break. When he'd realised he'd do anything, he really meant it. “I can make the pancakes if you want.”

“Depends. Are you any good?” Florian smirked. A challenge. Kieran crossed his arms, shaking his head.

“I may not be any good at cookin’, but I can make pancakes, believe it or not.”

“I don't. But I trust you, so I suppose I can.”

“S’pose you will!” Kieran grabbed the plastic carton of pancake batter and stuck out his tongue, receiving a laugh from Florian in response– a real laugh. He felt himself smiling again.

The pancakes hadn't gone down all that badly, either; as their pokémon decided to host some kind of jousting competition a few metres away (only what Kieran could assume when he saw Ogerpon pass by on Koraidon's back, flaming ivy cudgel pointing onwards), Kieran and Florian sat at the table eating the freshly-made pancakes. Florian's Dachsbun, along with Kieran's Hydrapple and Furret, had decided to stay at the table and enjoy any leftover fruit that couldn't fit inside of the pancakes, or any that happened to roll off of the table onto the ground.

“These are really amazin’, right?” Kieran muttered before shoving a forkful into his mouth. He was eating it a little quickly, having not eaten much in a while and being proud of himself for making something decent. Florian hummed.

“Ehh, so-so. Could've been a little less crispy.” 

“Aw, man…” Kieran huffed. “Aren't they meant to be?”

“No… But in honesty, these are great for a first timer. You should be proud of yourself.”

“O-Oh! Well in that case, thanks!” 

Kieran finished off the last bite of his pancakes and immediately started clearing the table, ignoring Florian's complaint that he would do it. No, you're gonna rest today, remember? Kieran had said. Florian had huffed, but didn't argue further.

When it was all finally cleared up, they both stood by the table ready to go elsewhere, to explore. Florian was rummaging for his phone in his bag, but pulled out something else. A poké ball, to be specific.

“Huh? When did this get here? My carry case is full, and I don't have anything from my boxes on hand… And Koraidon’s is in my pocket.” He threw it gently to the ground, his eyes widening as the creature was revealed. Kieran felt his cheeks warm up, again.

There on the sand sat a tiny green Applin, one befitting of a tiniest mark. 

“Kieran–”

“I wanted you to have it after your nightmare! I wasn't gonna give this one away so easily since it was shiny and marked, but, well…” Kieran scratched his cheek nervously, then reached for his hair to gently tug on it. “I wanted you to have somethin’ a little more special.”

Florian sighed.

It was a sigh Kieran recognised as disapproval. 

Fuck. I messed up again, didn't I?

“I'm sorry, I understand. I'll take it back–”

“What?! No!” Florian turned to him, returning the Applin to its ball and putting it back in his bag. "Look, it's really sweet, really! I love all of these little guys!” Florian sighed, looking away from him. “But.. I just have so many! It's like there's an orchard's worth in my boxes, now!”

“I get it. I just–”

“I know. But you don't have to give me so many of them to apologise for anything you've done in the past. I already forgave you a long time ago, okay?” Florian came forward and hugged him. Kieran let out a sigh, disappointed. Maybe he hadn't ruined everything yet, but Florian didn't even know the real reason why he kept gifting Applins.

“You're shiny hunting, or IV breeding, right? I can take them with me to Paldea if that's what you want, or see if director Cyrano will allow Applin in the terarium, or–”

“Florian.” Kieran pulled out of the hug, but kept the distance short between himself and Florian. “I never gave you any of them as an apology, or anythin’ like that.”

“Oh… Did you just want to be nice?”

“More than that.” Kieran shakily heaved a breath. His body was trembling and his face was heating up more and more, his heart pounding harder as he steeled himself for his next move. “Can I give you one more thing?”

“I can't keep taking Applins from you, Kieran.” Florian's voice was kind, but firm. Kieran huffed, getting slightly closer. His confidence was growing, although he was still shaking like a leaf.

“Good thing I didn't want to give you an Applin then, isn't it?”

“Huh?”

Kieran didn't spare a moment to register Florian's reaction, leaning in and leaving a quick peck on his cheek. “Oh... wowzers... I mean–” his muttering was soft, and paused by his own hands covering his face to hide away. No sooner than he'd done the deed, he regretted it. He grumbled softly in his annoyance.

He hated himself. 

Why would Florian ever like him?

“Ohh Florian… say somethin’, please.... even if you hate me-”

A sudden warmth on his cheek stopped his speech entirely. Florian was not only cupping his face in his hand, but he was also kissing his cheek.

“I like you too.” Florian kept his voice low, soft. His thumb gently brushed Kieran's cheek, making Kieran instinctively lean into the touch. He couldn't help the smile plastered on his face, couldn't help the warmth in his heart from such an interaction.

“...it took you a lot of Applins to realise that.”

“That's why you did it?! Oh, Arceus…” Florian covered his face, embarrassed. “I should've known… I'm so sorry. The shiny Applin I gave you was a confession too.”

“Oh, man… What are we like, huh?” Kieran couldn't stop himself from bursting out laughing, Florian following suit moments after him. “We coulda just talked it out!”

“We really should've!” Florian giggled, wrapping an arm around Kieran. Kieran leaned over on him, feeling his tenseness ease away the moment it happened. Although they'd admitted their feelings, which were apparently mutual the whole time, he still felt slightly nervous. He supposed that was natural.

“Okay. I'm going to actually listen to you, now.” Florian sighed, smiling softly. “Rest day.”

“Rest day.” Kieran nodded. 

As they packed up all of the picnic gear and got the pokémon back into their balls, the two of them began walking across the dunes towards… Anywhere. It didn't matter today. All that mattered was that they both enjoyed it, and didn't stress themselves out.

Maybe as long as they were together, nothing would be able to ruin that.