Chapter Text
Letting Go
The air was chilly and the leaves crushed under her feet as she walked. The trees were now almost bare, with just a few surviving brown red leaves clutching the branches, refusing to fall. The air was gloomy, more gloomy that usual. But that was to be expected considering where she was.
She kept her eyes fixed on the ground ahead, for some silly reason feeling that she couldn't look straight. Knowing that if she did, she'd see it from a distance. Knowing that if she looked up, she'd see a small hill, and on top of it a big tree, now robbed of it's green leaves. She knew that if she looked ahead, under the tree, she'd see a grave.
His grave.
Only a grave...for there had been no body to bury.
When she finally made it to his grave, she knelt down careful of her stomach, and placed a single white lily on the ground in front of it. Lilies had been his favorite, even though they were considered a mourning flower. He liked them. He had admitted that he liked them, not the least embarrassed by the fact. She stared at the flower for a minute or two before her blue green eyes shifted to look at the grave marker. She swallowed the bile that rose to her throat as she read the words engraved onto the stone.
Owen Grady
Loving Son. Brother. Husband.
And Hero.
The words were carved into her mind, they had been for the last seven months. Claire blinked back the tears that sprung to her eyes as she was reminded yet again that Owen was gone. Her husband was gone... Claire hadn't been here in almost six months. For the first month she'd been unable to stay AWAY from this place. She'd sat by his grave from morning to dusk. She'd either stared motionlessly at the marker, reading and re reading the words carved into the gray stone. Or she'd cry over his grave, letting the tears fall silently as she tried to recall every memory she had of him. Good and bad. Stupid and important. She had stared at the grave trying to remember every single detail of every single moment she'd spent with him. Karen had been worried sick about her habit of basically LIVING by her husbands grave. But Claire had just ignored her, she had just let the outside world go about doing whatever and living in her own little bubble or depression.
It had only gotten worse when she'd started to forget.
One day she'd been looking at some of Owens photos when she'd realized that the Owen that she'd been detailing in her memory was slightly different to the Owen that was captured in those images. When she'd really thought about it she'd realized that she had forgotten and altered her husband in her head.
Karen had said that it was only natural for her memories to become hazy. That hadn't made her feel any better though, in fact she'd just felt worse. She'd just submerged herself further in her grief, pushing everyone away and living on thinking, crying and working. It had made her sick, literally. She'd found herself throwing up in the mornings and having head aches and pains. But she hadn't cared, she couldn't. In the back of her mind, she was screaming at herself for being so damd irrational. Her mind was screaming that Owen wouldn't want her to do this. Her mind was screaming, asking her WHY she was acting like this. The seven stages of grief were one thing, but she herself knew that whatever she was doing was completely insane.
She'd ignored it though.
Who cares if it was insane?
That was what she'd been thinking, that was her line of thought, until she'd realized WHAT exactly was happening. Until she'd realized that she was pregnant.
Shaking away her thoughts she let out a sigh, her breath coming out as smoke due to the autumn temperature. The sun was setting now. Painting everything orange and gold. They'd both loved the sunsets, they'd watched it together many times. Including the night that he'd asked her to marry him. The red head smiled fondly at the memory, letting herself savor it's bitter sweetness before finally clearing her throat.
"Hi," she said, her voice coming out uncertain. She'd done this for an entire month after she'd been told he was dead. But now, talking to a grave seemed strange. Odd. But she kept going, she had things to tell him.
"I know I haven't been here in a while... And I'm sorry. I really am. But...I just... I couldn't. But I'm here now because...well." She paused. In the time that they'd been together she had more than once found herself imagining telling him this...but of course, it had been under happier circumstances. Different situations. The irony was that now that she was finally telling him, he was dead. He was gone and unable to give her any reaction..."Owen, I'm pregnant." She breathed the last part out before lifting her hand to wipe away the tears that had formed in her eyes and were now blurring her vision. One of her deepest regrets was that he hadn't known. That he had died his horrible death not knowing that he was leaving a part of him for her. Not knowing that he WASN'T leaving her completely alone. "A bit over seven months now," she said, placing a hand on her stomach. "It's why i stopped coming actually. Because every time i come here... every time i came here i felt like i should have been there with you. That i should be with you. It wasn't healthy...and i didn't want to take any chances." Chances. Those are what he had taken...A chance to find Blue, a chance to face his fears, the nightmares and the paranoia that had been haunting him since they had escaped that dreaded island what seemed like centauries ago. She remembered looking ahead at whatever her life might have held then. She remembered being afraid, she remembered fearing so many things. Including what would happen to whatever had formed between her and Owen while they'd been running through a jungle, trying to survive. In truth, she HAD had nightmares, she HAD felt like the ground was rumbling, like there was a blood curdling roar when everything was dead silent. But she had been able to overcome it HERE. She'd been able to overcome it in the midst of civilization, a new job, and a relationship.
She'd taken chances too.
She'd taken a chance with Owen Grady, with her new life. So many things could have gone wrong, she could have ended up in so many bad situations but she'd taken the chances...just like he had. The only difference was that she wasn't dead.
She couldn't do this, having this conversation with Owens....ghost? She just couldn't. Because she knew that after she had this conversation, she'd be completely letting go. She would have to move on. These words that she had come here to say, were supposed to be the final words she'd tell him before she pulled herself up completely. Not just half and a quarter way like she was...Completing her conversation with a ghost, a spirit, a presence that may or may not be there was the final step....before she let go.
She couldn't let go....
Not him. She squeezed her eyes shit as his words rang through her head. The vows he'd said on their wedding day.
'I promise to be with you for the rest of my life, to never let you go, to stick with you through good times and bad....for survival' She still remembered him winking at her at that moment, and she remembered rolling her eyes though she was deeply touched.
No.
Claire cleared her throat. Wiping away the tears that had slipped pass her defenses and were now sliding down her flushed cheeks. She was Claire Dearing, the ex Operations manager of Jurassic World, and now co- CEO of Masrani Global, she had gone through dinosaur hell breaking lose and had out ran a fucking T-Rex while wearing heels. She had come here to say her finals words to her deceased husband, before completing her final stage of grief and living a full life like she knew he would have wanted her to. She was Claire Dearing and she was not going to back down.
"It's a girl, and i was thinking of naming her Bluebell..." She said, rubbing her swollen belly affectionately, forgetting the sadness and swimming in the warm fuzzy feeling that engulfed her every time she thought of her unborn baby girl.
"Bluebell Raniya Grady...i wanted to use my mothers name. She's really exited about the baby...and god you should see Karen i dread how she's going to be when Blue's actually born! And Zach and Gray. you know i thought for sure they'd be slightly disappointed about it being a girl but they were ecstatic!" Claire shook her head, her smile fading slightly as she reminded herself why she'd come.
"I'm getting side tracked...." she sighed and pressed her lips into a thin line. "I know you wouldn't have wanted to know if it was a girl or a boy till the baby was actually born...but, i just needed to know. I used the extra room with the balcony as the nursery. It's Blue and purple....Arrgh!! Side tracking. Owen, look what I came here to say is..." she swallowed but her next words were chocked with emotion.
"I need to let you go,"
'Keep going' she told herself.
"I love you more than life, and you've given me a life that i love. You've given me a beautiful baby and i can't wait for her to get here. I just wish...I wish you were here...." she sobbed the last bit. "I wish that you could be here, i wish that you could be with me when our daughters born, i want you to be here to raise her with me. I want to live the rest of my life with you, happily...but, that's not going to happen. Owen, i know that you want me to be happy, but I still feel like i have to make this official. I will always remember and love you, but I'm going to move on...i don't know why but i feel like...i HAVE to say that. The day they told me, that you went missing on the island, weeks later they told me that there was no body and when they finally declared you..." She looked at the sky, gray. It would rain soon.
"I've been in denial even while saying I've excepted it. So, basically Grady, what I'm here to say is that... I hope your in peace Owen, and I'll see you....just, not for a long while," she rubbed her stomach and looked up as she felt a small splash of wetness on her nose.
She looked at the grave again.
She knew she wouldn't be back for a long while. Maybe she wouldn't come back until an year or so later...she would have her hands full, even though Karen was there to help, being a single parent was not going to be easy. She took a deep breath. And let it out. She took out her umbrella and took one final look at the grave. Before walking away. Away from her past.
"Goodbye Owen,"
Claire smiled as she felt Bluebell kick. It was at that moment, in the cemetery, walking away from her husbands grave with the rain pouring down around her did Claire Dearing walk away from her past...
And towards her future.