Chapter Text
“He is such an idiot,” Santana groaned. “Does he not realise how lucky he is that I even let him within five feet of me?”
They were on Santana’s bed, Brittany braiding her best friend’s hair while listening to her whine about Noah Puckerman for the millionth time this year.
“You should just finally break up with him, Santana. For good. I’ve told you so many times now, you deserve so much better.”
Santana agreed grumpily, but they both knew she wouldn’t listen.
She never did, it was a pattern they’d both unfortunately gotten used to by now.
She would be with Puck for a few days or weeks, then he would mess up in some way or other - usually by flirting with another cheerio, not returning her texts quickly enough, or giving her a very obvious hickey - and Santana would break up with him in a very dramatic fashion, preferably in front of a huge crowd in the McKinley High hallways.
Santana liked having an audience, feeling all eyes on her - especially when she was in a position of power.
Then a few days later, after Brittany had wiped away many tears and listened to hours of complaints and insults aimed at him, Puck would come crawling back, make a tiny pathetic gesture like picking Santana a daisy from the school yard, and she’d let him back in.
Brittany was really fucking sick of it by now, but she didn’t have the heart to lash out at her best friend. She didn’t like confrontation and she really liked nothing less than fighting with Santana.
So she just made little snide comments at Puck’s expense, which Santana was notably never bothered by, and let it be.
Even if it meant having to rock a crying Santana in her arms a few days later.
Well, that part wasn’t so bad. The holding Santana in her arms part. The seeing Santana cry part always felt like being stabbed in the chest over and over again.
Brittany looped a hair tie around Santana’s finished braid and planted a kiss on top of her head, “All done.”
Santana turned around and flashed her a warm smile, “Thanks, Britt.”
That specific Santana smile always made Brittany’s heart pound in her chest - because it belonged to her and to her only. Santana never looked at anyone else that way, it was her Brittany smile.
“So, what do you wanna do?”
The blonde fell back onto the mattress and stretched with a yawn, “I don’t care, whatever.”
“We could study? We have our last Spanish exam coming up?” Santana suggested.
“Ew.”
“Okay,” she giggled, “sorry. Mhm… Oh, we could play truth or dare? Haven’t done that in a while.”
Brittany perked up at that, “Okay! You start.”
Santana sat down next to her, legs crossed, gliding a hand up and down Brittany’s bicep in thought. It was a mindless gesture and nothing unusual for her to do, but it made the taller girl shiver.
“Oh!” Santana suddenly dropped her head to look down at Brittany, “I got one.”
“Mhm?”
“Okay. Who was the best you’ve ever had?”
Brittany’s brows furrowed in confusion, “The best? The best what?”
It stung a little when Santana rolled her eyes, she didn’t aim that at Brittany a lot. “The best, Britt. Sex.”
“Oh,” the blonde swallowed.
She’d been with a lot of guys, more than Santana, but nobody really stood out. They had mostly been sweaty football players, one or two male cheerleaders and they’d all been pretty much equally bad.
They were always so eager and quick, so desperate to get to the actual sex part, that they didn’t bother much with foreplay.
And for Brittany - or at least that's how she imagined it since she hadn't really gotten to experience that yet - gentle kisses and touches and loving words were the best part of sex.
“Britt?” Santana’s voice brought her back to reality.
“Oh, sorry, I was thinking. I don’t know, nobody was that awesome. Maybe… I guess Matt was pretty nice, he kept asking if I felt good.”
Santana giggled and laid down, flush against Brittany’s side.
They were quiet for a few seconds, before Santana asked, “Don’t you wanna know mine?”
“Oh. Yeah, of course,” Brittany faked a chuckle, “what about you?”
“As much as I hate him, probably Puck. He honestly doesn’t last long enough to get me anywhere, but he is a really good kisser. And he sure knows how to use his tongue,” she giggled again, comfortably nuzzling her head into the crook of Brittany’s neck.
As good as it felt to cuddle with her best friend, Brittany cringed at the image of Puck touching Santana.
Not that she hadn’t witnessed their make out sessions up against the lockers a thousand times, but the actual thought of his head between her legs, let alone his tongue touching anything down there made Brittany want to throw up.
She didn’t know why it bothered her so much, but she really hated it. If Santana noticed Brittany’s discomfort, she didn’t bother addressing it.
Instead, she nudged her forehead against Brittany’s ear, as if to say ‘your turn’.
They exchanged a few more questions and giggles, but Brittany couldn’t get rid of the image in her head. Puck in Santana’s bed.
She’d never thought about it like that before, and suddenly, for the first time ever, she felt gross laying on her best friend’s sheets.
The same sheets she’d slept in a thousand times, the same sheets she’d hidden under when she had failed her English exam last week. The same sheets where she’d held Santana a thousand times before, wiping away tears, soothing heartbreaking sobs with loving whispers and gentle promises.
She’d never even considered that Puck had even touched them before and she wanted to get out.
But she had absolutely no reason to leave.
So a few hours later, Brittany hesitantly slipped underneath the covers and buried her face in the palm of Santana’s hand that was waiting on her pillow.
Just like always.
But no matter how many times she inhaled the familiar scent, no matter how hard she pressed her cheek into the soft skin, Puck was still there. Spreading Santana’s thighs with a disgusting smirk on his face.
Brittany didn’t sleep much that night.
A few days later, Brittany was in the choir room, helping Mr. Schue clear the chairs to the side.
He had something special planned for glee club the next day, but he wanted to keep it a surprise.
Not even her thousand nagging questions got anything other than an amused chuckle out of him.
Rachel was also there to help and, of course, she had Finn in tow.
“Thank you so much for your help guys,” Mr. Schue put down the last chair against the wall, “I really appreciate it. You’ll love tomorrow’s lesson, I promise.”
Brittany excitedly jumped up and down at that, clapping her hand, “Will I get to dance?”
“Yeah, of course, Brittany! You know we all love your dancing,” Mr. Schue patted her shoulder with a smile and walked over to the piano.
She could practically feel her chest swell with pride - besides Santana, other people didn’t give her a lot of compliments for her talents.
Before she could thank him though, Rachel cut in and asked if she could prepare a ballad for the next meeting.
“You want to bring a duck to glee club? Like, to eat?” Brittany’s face scrunched in confusion, even more so when Rachel turned around to stare at her, just as lost.
After a few seconds, it dawned on her, “Brittany, do you mean mallard? I said ballad, that’s like… an emotional song.”
Brittany sighed, waving her off, “Oh! Okay, that makes more sense now. Ducks are way too cute to be eaten anyway.”
“God, Brittany, you’re so stupid,” Finn muttered behind her.
He’d sort of said it under his breath, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear in the silent room.
Brittany wanted to defend herself, she really did. She wanted to hit him with a vicious comeback like Santana always did, she wanted to tell him that that was bullying and that it was mean. That it had really hurt her feelings.
But the air in the room suddenly felt very thick and it almost made her want to gasp for a breath.
So Brittany turned around and ran out the door, down the hall to get out of the building, tears stinging in her eyes.
She could hear Mr. Schue calling her name and she could sort of make out Rachel scolding Finn, but it didn’t matter. Everybody always called her stupid, it was a really sore spot for Brittany.
And it had hurt. Like physically hurt, her entire chest felt like someone was sitting on it, squeezing really hard, trying to suffocate her.
Brittany’s chest didn’t feel much better as she was sitting in Santana’s car twenty minutes later.
It still made it a little hard to breathe and she couldn’t focus on what her best friend was saying.
After repeating her question for the third time, Santana reached over and patted Brittany’s thigh, her focus still on the road, “Hello? Someone in there?”
“Sorry, what did you say?”
The blonde offered a faint smile, but concern was written all over Santana's face as she turned for a moment to meet blue eyes.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t- nothing,” Brittany said and looked out the side window.
She knew that that had sounded less than convincing, but fooling Santana was basically impossible anyway, so why bother with some big lies?
“Talk to me.”
Santana squeezed her thigh once more before returning her hand to the steering wheel.
“It’s not important.”
“Britt, please. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head.”
Brittany leaned her pretty little head against the cool glass and closed her eyes.
It took a little while before she was able to start speaking, but Santana waited patiently.
Then she told her everything. Once you’d started pouring your heart out, Brittany noticed, it was really hard to stop. The words just kept tumbling out of her mouth, accompanied by a few tears.
She didn’t even notice that Santana had pulled over until she felt a soft grip on her shoulder. “Britt, look at me.”
She did and the way those warm brown eyes looked at her made her stomach flip. There was so much affection and care in Santana’s expression that Brittany felt like she was going to melt.
How lucky was she to have a best friend that cared this much?
“Britt, you are not stupid. I need you to finally get that in there,” Santana tapped her index against Brittany’s forehead and smiled. “You’re super smart, okay? Fucking Finnocence is the stupid one, that’s why he can’t recognise genius.”
Brittany couldn’t help but smile a little at that, but she still shook her head, “No, Santana, that’s not true. You know everybody thinks I’m… that I’m stupid, they tell me all the time.”
Santana’s hand snaked into her neck and lightly caressed the spot as she explained. The motion sent shivers down Brittany’s spine and she had to suppress a satisfied hum.
“Britt, you’re not. It’s just that your brain works a little differently from other people’s, but it only makes you all that much more special. You know what your mom always told you about your autism? It’s special. It doesn’t make you any less kind, any less intelligent, any less worthy of respect. I promise, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, Britt. And I love you just the way you are. I wouldn’t change a single thing, even if I could.”
Finally, she got a real smile in response.
Santana ended up taking Brittany home to the Lopez’ house.
Partly because Brittany’s sister was having friends over at home, partly because Brittany didn’t want to have to lay in bed alone and think about what Finn had said.
So after an early dinner, they curled up on Santana’s bed and turned on the TV.
Brittany let her pick the movie, so of course they ended up watching Leprechaun for the thousandth time.
And just like always, Santana kept talking about how pretty Jennifer Aniston looked and just like always, Brittany made fun of her for it until they ended up giggling and wrestling on the bed.
But she couldn’t really get into it as much as usual with Finn’s words still lingering in the back of her head. Especially because it was Finn, he wasn’t exactly the smartest person in the world himself. So if even he thought she was stupid, most likely everyone did.
Of course Santana noticed, but she waited for the right moment to address it.
When they sat next to each other after the fight - Brittany had still won, obviously - sweating and panting, Santana brought it up again.
“Britt, are you still upset about what that doorknob said to you?”
The blonde hesitated for a moment. She loved that Santana always tried to cheer her up, but it wasn’t exactly what she needed to hear right now. Now that she’d had some time to recover from the harsh insult, she wanted the truth for once, not compliments and affectionate words.
And she didn’t really know if she could get that from Santana. But after a moment of contemplation, Brittany decided to give it a shot.
“Kind of,” she finally mumbled.
“Well…” Santana sat up to face her, “you know I meant what I said in the car, right?”
“Yeah. No, I believe you, I do, it’s just…” the blonde fumbled with her hands in her lap, “I don’t want to be left behind, you know?”
“Left behind?”
“You know my grades are bad, San. I don’t want you to graduate and go to a fancy college and leave me behind.”
“Britt!” Santana inched closer and took her hands, “I would never leave you behind! You and I will stay together, no matter where. You really think I’d just go off somewhere and leave you?”
“I mean… I don’t know how I’m ever gonna get out of Lima,” Brittany admitted quietly. “You’ll probably get into every school you want, no one’s gonna let me in.”
“Of course they will! Britt, even if they don’t, we’ll figure something out. We still have the whole summer ahead of us and our entire senior year. Maybe you could do something with your dancing? We could go to New York together, you’d probably get your big break within days.”
Brittany sniffled a little but smiled. “You really think I could dance? Like, as a career?”
Santana nodded violently, “Of course I do! You’re so freaking good, B, you know that.”
“Okay… but I still need to graduate first.”
“You will.”
Santana squeezed her hands encouragingly, “I promise, you will. I’ll help you study! We hang out together all summer anyway, if we just prepare you a little better for senior year we’ll get your grades up and you’ll nail your SATs in the fall.”
Brittany agreed and let Santana pull her into a hug. Maybe it would all be okay. Santana’s hugs always felt like a soothing ointment, no matter how much the wounds were stinging.
It was kind of weird, how easily she could always calm Brittany down and vice versa.
Instead of pulling out of the hug, they both fell back into the pillows, a giggling ball of limbs.
“Do you feel better now?” Santana asked after a while and Brittany nodded.
She really did. Santana was super smart, if anyone could help her with school, she was the one.
“Yeah, I do. Thank you.”
“Anytime, Britt. And you got this, I promise.”
Brittany smirked a little and tilted her head to the side. “You ever get tired of being my cheerleader, Santana?”
“Not as long as I look hot in that skirt,” she teased and pulled Brittany into another tight hug.
That sounded promising - Brittany was pretty sure Santana would never stop looking hot in that skirt.
//
The rest of the school year went by pretty quickly - especially after Santana rained down a storm of insults at Finn and made him apologise to Brittany - and before they knew it, it was summer break.
With the last day of school came, of course, Noah Puckerman’s annual summer blow out.
Only this year, his mom was sick at home.
After endless debates and a lot of Puck’s pathetic pleading and grovelling, Santana eventually agreed to host it at her house, since her parents were out of town.
Getting ready for the party took Brittany a little longer than anticipated.
By the time she arrived at the Lopez' house, she could already hear the loud music and roaring teenagers from outside.
She took a deep breath before opening the front door.
Brittany liked parties a lot, but they could also be a little overstimulating sometimes.
Dancing to loud music with a crowd of people was usually so much fun - especially with a little alcohol - but when there were a lot of lights flashing and lots of drama and throwing up, it could get too much after a while.
So Brittany had been really happy to hear that the party ended up happening at Santana’s, because that meant lower lighting, familiar music, no unexpected noisemakers of any kind, and all of Brittany's favourite snacks waiting in the kitchen.
She made her way through the crowd, politely greeting people every now and then, and scanned the rooms for Santana. After what felt like forever, she heard her name being called.
“Britt! Britt, over here!”
With a growing smile on her lips, Brittany spun around.
She didn’t even try to hide her disappointment when she found Santana by the kitchen island, in Puck’s arms.
It wasn’t all that surprising, really, but it still hurt to see them together again and gave her that uncomfortably tightness in her chest.
Nevertheless, Brittany made her way over and let herself be pulled into a tight hug.
Luckily, Puck soon excused himself to the bathroom and left them alone.
“Santana…”
“I know, Britt, I know. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t, but I really did miss him.”
“You did?” Brittany questioned.
“Well…” Santana chuckled, “I missed having a boyfriend at least.”
She poured something horribly pungent into a red plastic cup and handed it to Brittany. “Why are you so late? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just could not get my eyeliner right today. I eventually just gave up.” Brittany took a small sip and almost spit it right back out. It tasted horrible and really strong. “What is this?”
Santana just grinned and leaned in to inspect Brittany’s makeup, foregoing the question. “Your eyeliner looks perfect to me, Britt! Really, you look totally awesome!”
She did look totally awesome. Brittany had paired a blue mini dress with knee high boots and a black tie, which wasn’t an easy look to pull off. But she knew she looked amazing and by the way Santana’s eyes kept wandering up and down her body, she seemed to agree.
“You look amazing too, San!”
Santana laughed and twirled around, showing off her very short black leather skirt, paired with a skin tight black top.
“Thanks. Is the music okay? The lights?”
“Everything’s perfect,” Brittany smiled. “People seem to be having fun!”
The party had only started about an hour ago, but the house was already jam-packed with tipsy teenagers, a couple occupying every dark corner, and nothing seemed to have been broken yet.
Most of the football team was playing beer pong out on the back deck and the cheerios stood by watching, loudly squealing and rooting for their boyfriends.
Despite all the usual McKinley High ridiculousness, it really was a lot of fun. The alcohol still tasted horrible, no matter how much of it Brittany forced down her throat, but it made everything feel a little lighter.
Soon, Brittany and Santana made their way to the dance floor.
It got even better when Santana told Puck off for trying to squeeze in between her and Brittany and he wandered off again with a pathetic grimace, leaving them to dance by themselves. The tightness in Brittany’s chest almost completely subsided then.
Eventually, all their friends from glee club showed up too and Brittany danced with Mike for a while before spending some time hanging out with Mercedes, Quinn, and Rachel on the couch.
They were even less annoying after Brittany and Santana convinced them to partake in a round of shots - especially Rachel. There was barely any reason to make fun of her anymore, she was being calm and kind and almost completely stopped trying to hog all the attention.
A little while later, Brittany climbed onto the kitchen counter as Santana poured them new drinks.
Unfortunately, Puck had apparently finished sulking by then and was back to hanging all over her best friend.
“You making me a drink too, baby?”
He wrapped his arms around Santana’s stomach from behind and pressed a kiss onto her bare shoulder.
“I can, if you want me to.”
Santana’s sultry voice made Brittany roll her eyes. She was so over this game.
Puck continued whispering things into Santana’s ear, making her giggle and squirm in his arms, but eventually she remembered the drinks and pushed him off to get back to Brittany.
“Here you go. Sorry it took so long,” Santana smiled apologetically.
“It’s fine.” Brittany grabbed the cup and took a few big gulps. It somehow tasted even worse than before and only added a burn in her chest, barely easing the tight sensation that had returned yet again.
“Are you annoyed?” Santana pushed Brittany’s knees apart to stand in between them and looked up at her best friend. “This party has been going on for a few hours already, we can start kicking people out if you want, Britt.”
Brittany tried to hide how much she loved that idea and shook her head.
“No, you don’t have to. I think I need a little break though, I’ll go down to your room, okay? I’ll be back in a minute, then we can dance some more?”
Santana nodded and squeezed Brittany’s thigh with her hand. It was probably intended as an affirmative gesture, but all it did was shoot an unfamiliar tingle up between Brittany’s legs.
The blonde tried not to glance down at the lingering hand, offering an appreciative smile instead and jumped off the counter to make her way to the basement.
Brittany didn’t look up when she heard the door open.
She was stretched out on the bed, just enjoying the silence and breathing in the familiar scent of Santana’s sheets when she’d heard her best friend come down the stairs.
Brittany was really good at recognising people from the sound of their footsteps alone - Santana’s especially, since they spent so much time together.
“Hey Britt-Britt. Feeling better?”
She only hummed in response, but made some space for Santana to lie down.
Her head hadn’t even hit the pillow yet before the Latina started ranting again.
“Puck is such an idiot, Brittany. He tried to hook up with me in my bathroom at my party, while there were like a thousand people waiting right outside the door. And then he got mad when I pushed him off. I swear to god, he’s up there right now feeling up some freshman cheerio. That I did not invite, by the way, there are so many people here I’ve never seen before, it’s so annoying.”
Santana groaned and rolled onto her side, draping an arm across Brittany’s stomach.
“You’re not saying anything,” she stated after a moment of silence.
Brittany turned her head and met Santana’s eyes. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know… join in on my bitching?”
“Santana… I’m so done with this topic, honestly.” Brittany really tried not to sound ticked off, but failed miserably.
And Santana picked up on it, of course. She raised an eyebrow, more questioningly than offended, “What do you mean?”
“Puck sucks. How do you still not get it? He is not changing, Santana, not for you, not for anyone. And why would he? No matter how many times he messes up, you’re still there, willing to take him right back. Honestly, it’s kind of scary that you don’t see just how much better you are than him, Santana, it’s like you’re blind when it comes to this. He’s not good enough for you. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone who actually cares about you.”
Santana pondered that little speech for a minute before offering a weak “He cares about me.”
“He cares about your body, Santana. He’s not so stupid that he can’t see how hot you are. Seriously, open your eyes!” Brittany groaned.
The blonde was very obviously annoyed, but luckily Santana didn’t get defensive. More than that, she seemed to agree, as she sighed and sat up.
“Yeah… maybe you’re right.”
“I’m definitely right,” Brittany sat up too and grabbed Santana’s hand. “Now will you finally let go of him? For good?”
Santana took a deep breath before nodding slowly. “I really should, shouldn’t I?”
“You really should!”
They looked at each other for a second before bursting out into nervous giggles.
It felt very strange to have such an honest conversation while simultaneously being pretty drunk, a little overstimulated, on edge, and relieved. Strange but really really good.
Those kinds of talks weren’t exactly rare for them to have, especially about Puck, but usually Santana didn’t really give in quite that easily. And she actually seemed sincere this time, like she really wanted to make a change, which was not very common either - it all felt a little different somehow. In a good way.
A moment later, Santana was back on her feet and extended a hand to Brittany, “Are you ready to go back up? I’m really done with this party.”
“Yes,” Brittany grinned and let herself be pulled off the bed. “We can just go straight to bed and watch Leprechaun.”
“Aww! Leprechaun?” Santana clutched her chest theatrically, “you’d do that for me?”
Brittany laughed and tightly wrapped her arms around her best friend, “Anything for you.”
Puck found them the very second Santana had climbed the last stair.
He was very apologetic, telling her he felt bad and asking if he could make it up to her somehow, but for once, Santana wasn’t having it.
She shoved off his heavy arms and gave him a pointed look before telling him that it was over, for good this time.
Puck didn’t seem to be buying it at first, of course, figuring that he would wear Santana down eventually - just like always.
His ugly little smug was still lingering on his lips when Santana actually quoted Brittany’s “he’s not good enough for you”.
That finally made him snap out of it.
He didn’t exactly yell, but there was a threatening undertone in his voice when he told Santana that she would regret this. He explained that she would come crawling back into his bed - his wording was a little graphic and gross - in a week the latest. That Santana could not live without him.
It was actually very dramatic, he made it sound like he was some super addictive drug that would cause Santana to have withdrawal pains if not tasted regularly.
Brittany couldn’t hold back a chuckle at that and Santana gave her a little grin too, but Puck didn’t notice. He was too busy storming off and slamming the front door so hard that it made half the people in the room jump.
Shortly after that, Santana turned off the music and kicked everybody out.
Within an hour, she and Brittany were curled up in bed, watching Santana’s favourite movie and, for the hundredth time, dying laughing at how bad it truly was.
“So… have you never even thought about it before?”
“No! Of course not, that’s horrible, Britt! Why would I ever think about that?”
“I don’t know, it sounds like fun?”
“B, it sounds like you have a death wish!”
Brittany giggled at that and tried swatting at Santana’s shoulder, but since they were both tightly tucked in next to each other, she couldn’t quite reach.
“In my mind, I’m hitting you for that comment,” Brittany sputtered out.
“Good to know,” Santana giggled. “Please promise me you’ll never do that, Britt.”
“Fine! I promise!”
“No, no,” Santana shuffled around in the dark, until her foot found Brittany’s bare legs underneath the covers and lightly kicked her shin, “I actually want to hear you say it.”
“Okay,” Brittany caught Santana’s foot between her own before she could pull it back, successfully entangling their legs. “I promise, I will never chug a full bottle of coke and then swallow an entire packet of mentos.”
“Good,” Santana chuckled, then she sighed contently.
In this moment, she was just so purely happy. No Puck drama, no cheerios drama, no glee club drama, nothing. Just her and Brittany cuddled up beneath warm sheets, the way it was supposed to be.
They laid in comfortable silence for a moment, before Brittany whispered out a quiet, “Santana?”
“Yeah?” the brunette whispered back.
“Are you still awake?”
Santana hesitated for a second.
“Yes, Britt, I’m awake.”
She could feel Brittany roll over and inch closer beneath the blanket, so Santana copied her actions, until they were facing each other - so close they could easily make out each other’s facial features, even if the only light in the room came from Santana’s old alarm clock.
“San, can I ask you something?” Brittany whispered.
There was no reason to whisper, really, since Santana’s room was located in the basement of the Lopez residence - but something about the dark always made speaking at a normal volume feel a little inappropriate.
“Always. What are you thinking?” Santana wiggled her hand free and carefully tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind Brittany’s ear. The action felt oddly intimate, even if they did stuff like that pretty frequently.
“I, umm…” Brittany suddenly sounded little breathless as she stammered, almost as if she had trouble getting enough air. “I don’t… I don’t know if you’ll like my question, San.”
“What?” Santana squinted slightly to study Brittany’s expression. “Just ask, it’s fine.”
“You won’t be upset?” Brittany asked.
“Promise,” Santana assured her firmly.
“Okay. Santana, have you ever thought about… do you think I'm a good kisser?”
Santana felt her stomach do a flip at that question, but she couldn’t really understand why.
“Umm… I don’t know, Britt, I’ve never… you know, I’ve never kissed you, so I don’t know. But I’m sure you’re good, you’re good at everything. And you’re… you know, a gentle and kind person, so I bet you’re a really good kisser.”
Brittany nodded against her pillow and remained silent for a moment. Then, in a timid voice, she asked, “Can you ask a boy that?”
“Oh,” Santana swallowed and exhaled, “I don’t think so, Britt. They’ll think you’re insecure or something, impressing guys is all about confidence and being super sure of yourself.”
“Right. Then… how do I know?” Brittany asked, her voice still somewhat shaky. She felt weird, talking about this with Santana - they both felt weird. It was a normal thing for best friends to talk about, but it made Brittany feel all nervous and giddy and Santana wasn’t exactly doing a good job at staying calm herself.
“I don’t think you can know for sure, Britt.”
“Do you…” Brittany stopped herself. The question stuck in her throat was too much, it would make Santana uncomfortable, she was sure of it and felt relieved that she’d caught the words in time.
“Britt?” Santana whispered, “what is it?”
“Never mind,” Brittany breathed out, “don’t worry about it.”
“Oh come on,” Santana groaned and squeezed Brittany’s shoulder with her free hand. “You can’t do that! If you start something, you gotta finish it, you know the rules.”
Right. The rules. There were a lot of them, most they’d come up with during the first weeks of their friendship in freshman year. One of them was that you couldn’t do that thing where’d you start talking and then left the other one hanging, wondering and curious. It was annoying and unsatisfying, so they’d decided that that wasn’t allowed anymore, not when it was just them.
“I can’t say it.”
“You have to,” Santana insisted.
It would have been easy to make up something else, ‘do you’ really hadn’t given anything away yet, but Brittany couldn’t bring herself to lie.
“I was just,” she whispered hesitantly, “I was just wondering if you’d… whether you could maybe… find out?”
“Find out?” Santana’s brows furrowed, “find out what?”
“If I’m a good kisser.” Brittany’s voice was so soft, the words were hard to make out, even in the silence of the night.
Suddenly, the brunette felt hot and rolled onto her back, away from her best friend, desperate to put some distance between their faces.
Had Brittany just- No, right? There had been some kind of misunderstanding, there was no Brittany would just ask her to- to kiss her, right?
“You…” Santana silently gasped for a little air, “what do you mean?”
Before she could think twice about it, Brittany was hovering over Santana, hands on the pillow on either side of her head.
“Britt, what are you…”
Santana gaped up at her, a mixture of shock and fear in her wide eyes. But there was something else. Curiosity, perhaps?
God Brittany hoped it was curiosity. The blonde glanced down at those ample lips, and felt her chest tighten. Even in the dimly lit room, they were so pretty and perfect.
She wanted nothing more than to kiss them, but she was suddenly terrified. So afraid of how Santana would react, that she would be upset or angry or maybe even disgusted.
So she stayed like that, hovering, frozen, just inches away from the most beautiful face in the world, her head spinning.
When a warm hand suddenly slid into the back of her neck, Brittany could have screamed.
Santana still looked confused, but her gaze had shifted down to Brittany’s mouth and her hand tugged lightly on the blonde’s neck, silently encouraging her to close the distance.
When Brittany could feel Santana's warm breath on her lips, her eyes fluttered shut. Was this really happening?
The kiss was soft and sweet, lasting only a few seconds before Brittany withdrew. Her heart was thumping so loudly, she was afraid Santana would notice.
It took everything she had in her not to just keep her eyes squeezed shut, forgetting everything, staying in that perfect feeling forever.
When she finally opened them back up though, Santana still looked mostly confused.
There was no anger or disgust in her gaze at all though, which was an enormous relief. But those brown orbs somehow appeared darker, a little dangerous, something Brittany hadn’t seem before.
She did have a guess as to what it could mean, but didn’t dare assuming.
Santana could be completely unpredictable at times. Even though Brittany knew her better than anyone else in the world and could usually read her like an open book, sometimes Santana’s walls went up and she managed to shut Brittany out.
It wasn’t really like that now, but Brittany still struggled to decipher her expression.
With a thousand emotions and thoughts rushing through her own body, it was all too much to be able to think clearly.
The girls stared at each other for a few seconds, Brittany almost suffocating in the tension, until Santana suddenly pulled her back down, without any warning.
Her lips were parted when they met Brittany's this time, and it instantly felt different.
They kissed each other like they usually kissed boys, but it felt nothing like kissing a boy. It was so much better, they moved against each other as if they'd done it a thousand times before.
Santana's hand found its way into Brittany’s hair and her tongue into her mouth.
The blonde had to stifle a moan as she felt Santana's tongue swirling against her own and she lowered herself down until their bodies were flush against each other.
The closeness felt almost better than the kiss itself, especially when Santana's other hand wrapped around her upper back and pressed Brittany’s chest against her own tightly.
It all happened really quickly, but the world moved in slow motion for Brittany.
She felt every little touch, was hyperaware of every sound escaping her best friend’s lips.
She ended up fully on top of Santana, slowly kissing down her neck, eliciting soft moans and gasps that made her eyes roll back in her head, when she suddenly heard a quiet, “wait” in her ear.
Brittany pulled away in an instant and sat up, still straddling Santana’s thighs.
“We can’t,” Santana motioned for Brittany to get off, “we can’t do this.”
Her voice was hoarse and quiet, but she sat up and turned away as soon as Brittany’s weight lifted off of her body, obviously so that the blonde couldn’t see her face.
“Santana-“
“We should go to sleep, Britt,” Santana stated firmly.
The Latina got up and scrambled towards the bathroom to get ready for bed. Or to hide her tears.
Either way, Brittany buried her face in her hands and groaned.
The tight feeling in her chest was back.