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"Happy Valentine's Day," Nicky read out his card, which was nothing but a piece of cut-out cardboard, lovingly decorated by its sender. He even drew a glittery heart, the cheeky imp! "Love, James," written in his handwriting. That round, girlish handwriting Nicky would normally tease him about.
"Thank you," Nicky said, thinking he couldn't possibly accept this valentine, and actually feeling worse about this day than he already had, a dark cloud hanging over his head.
"I thought, you know, that you might appreciate the gesture." James shrugged, his grin revealing his self-consciousness. As if presenting it as a gesture between friends who care for each other deeply—and love each other, yes, but not in a way that exceeds friendship—would make Nicky's rejection—or worse, lack of acknowledgment—easier to handle.
"Look, I know this day isn't easy for you, for any of us, but I thought it might cheer you up."
Nicky thanked James again, tucking the note in his handbag and smiling at James. He's got smiles from now until next year, but he'll be the first to admit 'it takes a lot these days,' as Richey would say. It takes something extraordinary to make an adult smile... Nicky has his own way to make himself smile. He thinks about the last time he had a genuine Valentine's Day celebration. Not last year, of course. That's when authorities found Richey's car, two weeks after he went missing. That is also on Nicky's mind, and he doesn't want to ignore it; he wants to remember it. But there's also one of his happiest memories from the year before: Valentine's Day 1994.
Nicky had skip-stepped into Richey's Cardiff flat, whistling a tune he loved. It was his wake-up song during finals. 'The only one I know, has gone, to take me away...' And he'd come to take Richey away for the day. He got him out of his clothes first, fixing him a nice, long bubble bath. And then he got Richey his jeans and a red tee, helping him with his hair and makeup - Richey even let him put some colourless glitter on for once. And Nicky made Richey's hair nice and fluffy, the way he likes it, not flat or drawn back like Richey would do. Then he grabbed Richey and took him to the park to ride one of these peddling boats that's shaped like a swan. Richey made faces and giggled about how 'Valentine's Day is shit'. But, Nicky thinks Richey had a good day. Nicky did it because he wanted to give Richey a chance to enjoy Valentine's Day.
Maybe next year, Nicky will get his chance to enjoy it. Then, maybe in a couple of years, or more. Maybe never.